Comments for Allakaket Airlines
- Thread starter Fleataxi
- Start date
Tired Old Man
Deceased
A welcome posting, I was looking forward to this, thanks.
Fleataxi
Deceased
Nannygoat:
You're not a broken record, and I appreciate the kind comments. The North to Alaska Series was some of my earliest work, probably early 2004.
My first story was 4th of July Surpise, and it shows!
Once I got the basics figured out, I wrote North to Alaska, which was a pretty good story line, but ghastly technically, and got better after several re-writes. Fortunately, but the time I wrote Escape from the Rat Race, my technical writing skills had gotten much better, and it didn't need as much editing. Allakaket Airlines and The Kids are All Right were actually fun to write.
While I wrote books 2-4 in the series, I was also writing several other short stories, which was an experience in itself.
Meanwhile, Tired Old Man was cranking out some of his best work so fast that I was getting writer's cramps trying to keep up.
After a big blow-up on Frugal's last year, I asked Dennis if I could post my stories over here, and let me sell copies of the CD's. Dennis was more than gracious, and said "Go ahead." and since then, I've been posting my stories here for your reading enjoyment.
Fleataxi
You're not a broken record, and I appreciate the kind comments. The North to Alaska Series was some of my earliest work, probably early 2004.
My first story was 4th of July Surpise, and it shows!
Once I got the basics figured out, I wrote North to Alaska, which was a pretty good story line, but ghastly technically, and got better after several re-writes. Fortunately, but the time I wrote Escape from the Rat Race, my technical writing skills had gotten much better, and it didn't need as much editing. Allakaket Airlines and The Kids are All Right were actually fun to write.
While I wrote books 2-4 in the series, I was also writing several other short stories, which was an experience in itself.
Meanwhile, Tired Old Man was cranking out some of his best work so fast that I was getting writer's cramps trying to keep up.
After a big blow-up on Frugal's last year, I asked Dennis if I could post my stories over here, and let me sell copies of the CD's. Dennis was more than gracious, and said "Go ahead." and since then, I've been posting my stories here for your reading enjoyment.
Fleataxi
Tired Old Man
Deceased
Just like hadn't read before and I enjoyed every word. Thanks
Last edited:
Tired Old Man
Deceased
Thanks. I sometimes wonder if emergencies/disasters aren't of our own making. I'll discuss that in the sotry I'm writing called 'The Bird Flu'.
Tired Old Man
Deceased
I'll take all of your advice except one thing, I won't buy a plastic pistol!!! Thanks, enjoyed it.
Christian for Israel
Knight of Jerusalem
Tired Old Man
Deceased
Not everyone would agree with that Fleataxi. Thanks for the new chapter.
Christian for Israel
Knight of Jerusalem
you get what you pay for FT...
45nut
Inactive
New here but not new to loving to read a good book. I read a lot of "Lights Out" a few years ago on "The High Road" forums,,it wasn't complete then, lost track of it and moved on to other things.
I just read "N.T.A." and enjoyed it immensely, being born in AK I could relate to some of it.
Now,,as for the plastic pistols,,,I too was a blued steel kinda guy but recently aquired a Springfield XD in 45acp and am quite fond of the "high cap" although I wouldn't be selling off my P-220 or 1911's purely to replace them with plastic.
I really enjoy the forums here.
I just read "N.T.A." and enjoyed it immensely, being born in AK I could relate to some of it.
Now,,as for the plastic pistols,,,I too was a blued steel kinda guy but recently aquired a Springfield XD in 45acp and am quite fond of the "high cap" although I wouldn't be selling off my P-220 or 1911's purely to replace them with plastic.
I really enjoy the forums here.
45nut
Inactive
45nut: You probably noticed I left the part about the monster mosquitos and flies out of the story?
I didn't want to depress anyone! The say the mosquitos are so big north of Denali that they can pick an infant up and drain them in mid-air!
Fleataxi
Very significant ommission
Thankfully the couple years I spent in Seward I was young,,7-8 or so and instead of focusing on the skeeters I instead liked to catch bumblebee's in glass jars.
The rest of my time in the 49th state was in Ketchikan, and instead of hunting wooly mammoths I was on safari for skeeters more than once with my trusty daisy bb gun.
No wandering in the woods for kids now,, much less with a GUN!
Siskiyoumom
Veteran Member
Thank you so much for the additional chapters. It is great to finally get access to a computer that has access to the net
Hope you have a great spring. Sis
Hope you have a great spring. Sisnightbird762
Contributing Member
WOW! all i can say is..WOW!!!
RVN11B
Contributing Member
Just touching base.
I figured it was about time that I gave you some feed back about your story. After all its been quite a while from my last post.
I wont beat around the bush here. This saga continues to hold my keen interest and still provides me with hours of enjoyment.
Then again when one appreciates the greatness of the Goose and Otter and in a realistic manner, portraits them in said saga, does not hurt one bit.
Now I have absolutely no idea just how much longer this tale will go but be assured that Ill be following it until the story is done.......then Ill store it in my disc library for future re enjoyment.
Good on you!
I figured it was about time that I gave you some feed back about your story. After all its been quite a while from my last post.
I wont beat around the bush here. This saga continues to hold my keen interest and still provides me with hours of enjoyment.
Then again when one appreciates the greatness of the Goose and Otter and in a realistic manner, portraits them in said saga, does not hurt one bit.
Now I have absolutely no idea just how much longer this tale will go but be assured that Ill be following it until the story is done.......then Ill store it in my disc library for future re enjoyment.
Good on you!
nightbird762
Contributing Member
fleataxi this story keeps getting better and better.you are truly a artist of the written word.
Tired Old Man
Deceased
Thank you.
Eddie Willers
Membership Revoked
Hello, first time around these parts.
I'm reading the various stories here because I have just finished the first draft of my own book. It's 300 pages, and will end up around 320 or so after I finish the 2nd draft.
The hardest part, in my opinion, about trying to be an author is getting good criticism. In my case, I have had three readers, and none are to be believed.
I love my wife, niece, and brother a lot. But I can't help but feel they cannot be objective editors for my own book. Especially since it deals with family matters (indirectly).
OK, that said.
I have only read the first chapter.
The tone of the story is a cross between a surveillance report and a disertation loudly proclaiming, "I am a pilot! Let me prove it."
Readers don't know or care what AGL is.
The very first sentence has three characters in it. I don't care about anybody, yet. Who is Ron, Anne, and Jim? Maybe we need to introduce the characters separately. Can't care about any of them, yet.
Don't care about Kubota tractor. As a reader, won't know if that's remarkable or not. "New Tractor" would suffice, if needed at all.
Now comes Bill - who is Bill? What relation is he?
"Besides with your ATP..." I understand having real people speak, they don't explain all the acronyms. BUT, I don't know enough yet to know ATP, and PADI, and so forth. I know you're laying out that this guy is a pilot, and a diver, and apparently a SEAL. But it's all too jargon laced.
Again, the general tone is "this happened, then this, then this, then this, then this." I - don't even know who Ron is, really. What is Ron feeling? What is his story? I don't care about Ron, he does seem really busy, though.
"I hope so Bill, ...." Rest of sentence is completely unemotional. Just reciting a memorized story. His father died, and he has no emotion? He can tell his giant house is a "museum" sans wife & children? Maybe he's compensating for his father's death?
Ron told him the story about Samantha and what she was [past tense] doing now....OK, I think I know what's wrong here. Partially. You assume that the reader has read what, two previous books? Is that right? Is this not a stand-alone book? Sorry if I misread that.
"Believe me Ron, ...." Language a bit stilted. You overuse the "embedding the name in the quote" device. You need to vary the attribution of quotes, and have them do stuff while they're talking. Also, you need to put pauses in there so that things can appear to happen after some thought processes have had time to occur:
Bill looked at his friend, "Believe me, I know how you feel."
Ron padded toward the window and looked outside. The trees were just starting to lose their leaves, building a blanket on the ground in anticipation of the long Alaskan winter.
A loud finger snap interrupted his thoughts, he jerked around and stared at his friend.
Bill had a mischievous smile on his face, "I've got an idea." His voice trailed off, the tone cajoling. He looked intense for a moment, the pale blue of his irises looking at the yellow pine of the floor.
"Let’s double date so we can get two opinions on our dates. I’ll keep you from getting trapped by a phony, and you can do the same for me!"
...
Got to make them more kinetic. Put them in a place, and describe how they interact within that place. Give the reader stuff to visualize.
No pause between the "Make sure you bring your guns." to - They landed in Anchorage.... I don't feel any time has passed.
"But he didn't know Sam from Adam" - neither does the reader. Too much detail here, IMO.
Way too fast from date to Nancy & Ron spending lots of time together. Again, I don't feel the passage of time. I know the romance is quick - but it still takes SOME time.
Too much dialog between Nancy & Ron. I'm getting nothing about their facial expressions, their internal feelings, conflicts, etc. Nothing for me to imagine. Dialog is very stilted.
"Blah blah blah" They got into the plane [then too much detail] and off they go again.
There's absolutely no conflict at any level any where. Why not have Nancy be afraid of flying? Can't you have the mother take an automatic dislike to Ron? It's all too boring. As I read somewhere recently, "A life that is all good is boring to read about".
Even the freaking cat is happy. Jealousy would be more interesting.
Ron is too detached from his emotions. His words that he misses his dog sound contrived. Like he heard that he should be sad about it, and is trying to follow the script.
There's no hard and fast rule about dialog versus narrative, but my impression is that you need a lot more narrative. You need to fill in backstory to help us feel more about the characters.
For what it's worth. I'll continue if you want me to.
'Eddie
I'm reading the various stories here because I have just finished the first draft of my own book. It's 300 pages, and will end up around 320 or so after I finish the 2nd draft.
The hardest part, in my opinion, about trying to be an author is getting good criticism. In my case, I have had three readers, and none are to be believed.
I love my wife, niece, and brother a lot. But I can't help but feel they cannot be objective editors for my own book. Especially since it deals with family matters (indirectly).
OK, that said.
I have only read the first chapter.
The tone of the story is a cross between a surveillance report and a disertation loudly proclaiming, "I am a pilot! Let me prove it."
Readers don't know or care what AGL is.
The very first sentence has three characters in it. I don't care about anybody, yet. Who is Ron, Anne, and Jim? Maybe we need to introduce the characters separately. Can't care about any of them, yet.
Don't care about Kubota tractor. As a reader, won't know if that's remarkable or not. "New Tractor" would suffice, if needed at all.
Now comes Bill - who is Bill? What relation is he?
"Besides with your ATP..." I understand having real people speak, they don't explain all the acronyms. BUT, I don't know enough yet to know ATP, and PADI, and so forth. I know you're laying out that this guy is a pilot, and a diver, and apparently a SEAL. But it's all too jargon laced.
Again, the general tone is "this happened, then this, then this, then this, then this." I - don't even know who Ron is, really. What is Ron feeling? What is his story? I don't care about Ron, he does seem really busy, though.
"I hope so Bill, ...." Rest of sentence is completely unemotional. Just reciting a memorized story. His father died, and he has no emotion? He can tell his giant house is a "museum" sans wife & children? Maybe he's compensating for his father's death?
Ron told him the story about Samantha and what she was [past tense] doing now....OK, I think I know what's wrong here. Partially. You assume that the reader has read what, two previous books? Is that right? Is this not a stand-alone book? Sorry if I misread that.
"Believe me Ron, ...." Language a bit stilted. You overuse the "embedding the name in the quote" device. You need to vary the attribution of quotes, and have them do stuff while they're talking. Also, you need to put pauses in there so that things can appear to happen after some thought processes have had time to occur:
Bill looked at his friend, "Believe me, I know how you feel."
Ron padded toward the window and looked outside. The trees were just starting to lose their leaves, building a blanket on the ground in anticipation of the long Alaskan winter.
A loud finger snap interrupted his thoughts, he jerked around and stared at his friend.
Bill had a mischievous smile on his face, "I've got an idea." His voice trailed off, the tone cajoling. He looked intense for a moment, the pale blue of his irises looking at the yellow pine of the floor.
"Let’s double date so we can get two opinions on our dates. I’ll keep you from getting trapped by a phony, and you can do the same for me!"
...
Got to make them more kinetic. Put them in a place, and describe how they interact within that place. Give the reader stuff to visualize.
No pause between the "Make sure you bring your guns." to - They landed in Anchorage.... I don't feel any time has passed.
"But he didn't know Sam from Adam" - neither does the reader. Too much detail here, IMO.
Way too fast from date to Nancy & Ron spending lots of time together. Again, I don't feel the passage of time. I know the romance is quick - but it still takes SOME time.
Too much dialog between Nancy & Ron. I'm getting nothing about their facial expressions, their internal feelings, conflicts, etc. Nothing for me to imagine. Dialog is very stilted.
"Blah blah blah" They got into the plane [then too much detail] and off they go again.
There's absolutely no conflict at any level any where. Why not have Nancy be afraid of flying? Can't you have the mother take an automatic dislike to Ron? It's all too boring. As I read somewhere recently, "A life that is all good is boring to read about".
Even the freaking cat is happy. Jealousy would be more interesting.
Ron is too detached from his emotions. His words that he misses his dog sound contrived. Like he heard that he should be sad about it, and is trying to follow the script.
There's no hard and fast rule about dialog versus narrative, but my impression is that you need a lot more narrative. You need to fill in backstory to help us feel more about the characters.
For what it's worth. I'll continue if you want me to.
'Eddie