New Drivers Application For Los Angeles Only

[Shock Wave Rider]

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

Here it is below:


GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________

Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ___both

If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________. If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:_____________________________________________________________________________

Please check hair color: Females:
[ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[x] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers ____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ____

If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) decelerate by 5 mph
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications? a) Prozac b) Zovirax c) Lithium d) Zanax e) Valium f) Zoloft If none, please explain: ___________________________________________________________________________________.

Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour b) 2 hours c) 3 hours d) 4 hours or more

When stopped by police, should you:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

 

[RoseTower]

You forgot to add:

If you are an illiegal immigrant skip these questions and step up to the window for your photogragh. Your fees will be waived.

 

[Kamelot]

and 100th post What a great way to make my 100th post

 

[bartp40]

Which leads to....

 

[pixmo]

My brother got his leg crushed in a crash in February while trying to get his cell phone to go to speaker mode.

He's still wearing his hardware (they have pins going through his leg), and the docs say that he will likely never walk normally again.

 

[gdpetti]

After spending the last decade+ in LA...I see no problem with that application....only we wouldn't discriminate in favor of Channel 4.

 

[night driver]

Note that those are MINNESOTA plates on the blue car....

 

[Dennis Olson]

Actually Chuck, that pic is from Mpls. We know the freeway.