"Excuse me, Lord."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I am afraid it is, Lord."
"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I do not have to guess. Remember?"
"Oh, yes; I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know; remember?"
"Moses!"
"Sorry..."
"Well, go ahead, Moses; say it."
"Well, I have a question. You know that 'ten things' file you sent me?"
"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
" Yes. I was wondering if they were important."
"What do you mean 'IMPORTANT'?!? Of course, they are
important!!! Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you!"
"Well sorry, Lord, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them;
but, of course, you would see right through that."
"What do you mean 'you lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you did
not save them, Moses?"
"No, Lord; I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot.
I did send them to some people before I lost them though."
"And did you hear back from any of those people?"
"You already know I did. What about the one guy who said he never
uses 'shalt not'? Is it all right if he changes the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh,
and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions' or letting people
pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I WILL PRETEND THAT I DID NOT HEAR THAT."
"I think that means 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was
scamming him?"
"The term is 'spamming,' Moses."
"Oh, yes. I emailed him back and told him I don't even eat that
stuff, and I have no idea how you can send a can of that stuff to someone through a computer."
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think
he might have sent me one of those, er 'plagues', and that's the reason
I lost those "ten things", do you?"
"They are called 'viruses,' Moses."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just
go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out
and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."
"We will do it the new way, Moses."
"I was afraid you would say that..."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses. MOUSE! M-O-U-S-E! And...did you do that?"
"No, I decided to call technical support first, but was put on eternal hold. By the way, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"No, Moses."
"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of
'mice', because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog
if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers Apple?"
"Say good night, Moses."
"Wait a minute, I think I'm getting the hang of this thing. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the 'ten things' have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'M SENDING YOU ANOTHER SET OF STONE TABLETS..."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I am afraid it is, Lord."
"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I do not have to guess. Remember?"
"Oh, yes; I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know; remember?"
"Moses!"
"Sorry..."
"Well, go ahead, Moses; say it."
"Well, I have a question. You know that 'ten things' file you sent me?"
"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
" Yes. I was wondering if they were important."
"What do you mean 'IMPORTANT'?!? Of course, they are
important!!! Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you!"
"Well sorry, Lord, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them;
but, of course, you would see right through that."
"What do you mean 'you lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you did
not save them, Moses?"
"No, Lord; I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot.
I did send them to some people before I lost them though."
"And did you hear back from any of those people?"
"You already know I did. What about the one guy who said he never
uses 'shalt not'? Is it all right if he changes the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh,
and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions' or letting people
pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I WILL PRETEND THAT I DID NOT HEAR THAT."
"I think that means 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was
scamming him?"
"The term is 'spamming,' Moses."
"Oh, yes. I emailed him back and told him I don't even eat that
stuff, and I have no idea how you can send a can of that stuff to someone through a computer."
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think
he might have sent me one of those, er 'plagues', and that's the reason
I lost those "ten things", do you?"
"They are called 'viruses,' Moses."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just
go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out
and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."
"We will do it the new way, Moses."
"I was afraid you would say that..."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses. MOUSE! M-O-U-S-E! And...did you do that?"
"No, I decided to call technical support first, but was put on eternal hold. By the way, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"No, Moses."
"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of
'mice', because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog
if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers Apple?"
"Say good night, Moses."
"Wait a minute, I think I'm getting the hang of this thing. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the 'ten things' have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'M SENDING YOU ANOTHER SET OF STONE TABLETS..."