Story Clarity

Kathy in FL

Kathy in FL

Administrator
_______________

Chapter 19​


Being good doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with everything Corrigan wants to do. I did NOT want to go see the woman doctor that Robson has the hots for. I nearly told him that too, but Robson must have figured out what I was thinking and gave me a look that said, “or else.” I still don’t know what connection that Corrigan and Robson have but it’s enough that I worry setting myself against Robson since he could whisper things to Corrigan that might turn him from helping Annie.

The meet up was scheduled for just after sun-up the next day outside the old elementary school and when I saw the woman all my intentions of being good nearly evaporated. I hid behind Corrigan and started whispering, “Don’t say my name. Don’t say my name. Don’t …”

Robson looked over at me where I was hiding behind Corrigan. “Easy Kid. No one here is going to hurt you.”

Corrigan went right to the point, “Did you see her up on the mountain?”

“No,” I whispered. “She’s from before. I don’t want to know. I don’t …”

At that moment Birdy Lathrop – for that had been her name when she’d been the school nurse – stepped over and said, “Rob, what exactly is going on?”

Being cautious he said, “Found a kid and you know how Corey is. The problem is … this kid … well … to be blunt she’s been abused.”

“She’s not the first I’ve seen in that condition but there’s not much I can do. I’ll also be honest and say there is no room at the orphanage Rob. And I can’t take her either.”

“She’s not that young … about fifteen as far as we’ve been able to determine but she’s … she’s frail … and she’s had a child.”

“What?! Did it survive? How long ago was this and why wasn’t I called in sooner?!”

“Yeah,” he said then cleared his throat. “Little over ten months ago, and it wasn’t around here and the person that had her at the time never would have called someone like you in so don’t fret that part. Look, the thing is, doctoring people is not my preference, but I’ll do it. But this is beyond me and I’m not afraid to say it. She needs … a female touch though from the look of things you’ll have to get Corey to give you a hand. She’s damn independent but has taken to Corey because Corey … well … who the hell knows why except that she sees him as a way to help her take care of her baby and he ain’t asking for what most men would in return for doing it. You know what I mean.”

“I do. And you expect me to do what exactly?”

“Just … just do me the favor of checking her over and giving me some advice how to proceed. Corey has gone mulish and decided he’s to be their caregiver so even if there is room in the orphanage, he’d probably refuse to turn her and the baby over. Just go easy on her. She’s feral as hell in some respects … but at the same time there’s something about her. And she’s fragile.”

“Fragile?”

“Yeah.”

“What about the baby?”

“Baby is in better condition than she is as far as I can determine. Baby wasn’t abused but the girl sure as hell was until recently. She escaped with the baby, made her way here, been living in the woods on forage and little else. No sign of scurvy or rickets but it can’t be far off. She’s got near zero body fat. And no, she won’t give the baby up. I’m not exaggerating when I say you try and push that on her and she’ll take the baby and run. Almost happened last night when we finally discovered just how bad off she really is.”

“Well bring her over … and the baby too.”

“It’ll have to be with the baby. She absolutely will not be separated from the child though she’ll let Corey hold her without coming too unglued.”

Robson waived Corrigan over and he turned to pull me forward. I begged him with everything I had pushed into my eyes and made promises with it too. He said, “It’ll be okay … Kid. You don’t have to talk to the woman, you just need to let her examine you a bit so she can tell us how to proceed from this point forward. C’mon … you can do this for Annie.”

Whether he meant to or not that was the only thing he could have said to get me to cooperate. She wanted me to walk with her behind a screen but I wouldn’t go without Corrigan.

Corrigan sighed. “You sure? ‘Cause this could get … embarrassing.”

“Don’t leave. And … and hold Annie. She wants to wiggle this morning.”

It was embarrassing. And some of it was painful. I was willing to take my shirt off behind the screen but wouldn’t let Robson be there and further wouldn’t let her do much more than slide my pants down to my hip bones. All the while she was … well … just nurse-y. She didn’t make a fuss or treat me like a baby. She accepted when I wouldn’t let her touch me in certain places or do certain things. Some questions I answered and some Beezlebub would have been building snowmen before I answered.

Finally it was over and just in time too. Annie wanted to eat and she wanted to eat right now. Annie never really cries exactly, Sam wouldn’t tolerate it and would scream and scare her to pieces, but she gets the shakes. I don’t like her to get like that, it worries me. As soon as Corrigan handed Annie over I sat down and let her suckle though she couldn’t settle. It took me singing her favorite song – Pop Goes the Weasel – a few times before she calmed down and smiled and started really eating. I didn’t notice a chill but apparently Corrigan did and he put his jacket over me since I hadn’t bothered putting my shirt back on yet.

The good feeling was coming over me and while I heard what was being said I wasn’t really letting it touch me.

“You sure of her age?”

“She knows how old she was the night The Chaos started though she wasn’t sure how much time had passed until I told her. She says she’ll be fifteen in a day or so.”

“Good Lord. Fine, she’s small for her age but that’s not unreasonable given the other signs of poor nutrition and abuse I see. Do you know who did this?”

“Better for her safety and yours that I keep that information … privileged. At least until we can ascertain if the who is no longer a threat.”

There was a very rude snort. “The same person hold her the entire time? Are you sure of this?”

“Yes … and yes.”

“Fine, be secretive, but just understand this. Another pregnancy in her current condition will kill her.”

“THAT is not going to happen. She is under my protection.”

She must have opened her mouth to say something then thought better of it.

“Fine. I guess I’ll have to take you at your word on it. But Rob is correct, she is very frail. Even a minor cold or scrape or infection of any kind could turn lethal. First thing you need to watch for are heart issues.”

“Last night she had an episode where she became gray-faced and her pulse was racing but irregular.”

“Definitely too little fat and protein in her diet.”

“That’s what Rob said.”

“You need to remedy that but don’t expect changes to happen overnight.”

Corrigan adjusted his jacket when one side wanted to slide off. “Rome wasn’t built in a day. I get it. But what can I do?”

Ms. Lathrop was silent for a while then said, “Fats and proteins. That’s going to mean meat; fresh meat rather than the heavily salted and dried stuff if at all possible. And keep portions small until she can digest meals properly. Eggs. She needs Vitamins C and D to prevent scurvy and rickets. I doubt she’d survive a bone break in her current state, so you need to watch her activity. Her teeth are in better condition than I expected. There are some missing. Do you know the story?”

“Enough of it,” Corrigan said letting Ms. Lathrop know he wouldn’t be sharing it.

She shook her head. “Are you sure you are up for this? Right now she appears to be willing to follow your lead. At some point however her trauma is going to impact her behavior, and likely it will be adversely.”

Corrigan nodded and said, “We have an agreement. If we need to adjust things down the road that’s what we’ll do but for now … she’s in the gang and knows her behavior will affect that membership.”

“Hmph. I will be honest and say I do not agree with gangs and …”

A word popped out of my mouth. “Tribe.”

All three of them looked down at me. Corrigan squatted down beside me. “What?”

“Tribe. That’s what you and your people are. A … a tribe. Only you call it a gang because there are no females and you think gang sounds tougher. But you’re a tribe … a family. You’re just a family with strict rules. I follow the rules and Annie and I get to be part of the tribe. No one else’s business what that means. No one cared before now, no one needs to care after now. It’s only tribe business.”

Corrigan picked up my shirt and told me to put it on while they went to discuss terms of the trade.

My hearing is very good. It had to be to keep me out of trouble up in Hell. While I dressed – had to do it one-handed because of Annie – I listened in on the conversation they thought I couldn’t hear.

“That child has been grotesquely used. You should report it to the territorial office. I’ve seen abuse before but what was done to her is beyond neglect and abuse and into intentional torture.”

“We know it,” Robson said. “But the one that held her … Birdy it is simply better for everyone to not bring the girl to anyone’s attention. And that’s why you don’t need to know her name either.

Quietly she said, “You don’t need to tell me her name. I’ve got a pretty good idea who she is which means I’ve got a pretty good idea of who had her. Does she know her family is dead?”
 
Kathy in FL

Kathy in FL

Administrator
_______________

Chapter 20​


Corrigan corralled me before I could get out of there. He picked up his jacket and put it around me and said, “You don’t want to steal my jacket now do you?”

“Then take your jacket.”

“Nope. Wind is picking up and where it is is just fine. Come over here and sit down.”

I heard Robson lean over and say, “See what I mean?”

She whispered back, “You sure there’s nothing sexual to it?”

“Nothing like that. It’s the baby. Corey … look, he just can’t stand the idea of anything happening to a baby after losing his own wife and child early on. The girl seems to … well … she doesn’t trust anyone but she and Corey … er … communicate on a level that bridges the issues they both have. But you can’t say anything Birdy.”

“I wouldn’t. Knew the family … or some of the kids in the family anyway.”

“She says she has no family.”

“Immediate family no; they’re among the confirmed dead and are buried in the town memorial. She might have extended family, but I can’t say for certain; they made some pretty big waves for a while. There was a man – I think he would be her uncle – and the accusations flew back and forth, and he had some connections and forced an investigation that turned over some rocks people didn’t want turned over. Caused a schism in the town, sanctions from the then governor’s office, and a lot of hard feelings on both sides. I don’t know the whole story myself but there was lots of speculation. For that reason alone I’ll keep my mouth shut; it could cause another schism if not worse. And you keep her close, if I recognize her there are a few others I could name that will too. It’s the mismatched eyes, notice the baby has them too.”

Uncle Ty had tried to find me? Had made a stink enough that it got the whole town in trouble? I was still processing that information when Robson told Corrigan that he was going to make sure Ms. Lathrop got back to town.

“Time to get back,” Corrigan said to me.

I looked up at him and asked, “Does this change things? Do you not want to help me take care of Annie because of the trouble?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know or I wouldn’t risk asking and making you mad,” I answered quietly.

He sighed. “No. It doesn’t make me not want to take care of Annie. It does change a few things but not the way you’re thinking.”

We were both quiet for a while as we hiked back to the subdivision. On the porch I opened my mouth to ask him something but his shook his head and he had us go around the house and then down into the basement. Corrigan checked the house over and then locked the basement door and barred it – something he had added the night before – and then locked and barred the basement window and then turned me and showed he wanted to go into the bomb shelter and he then closed and locked that door as well. I was prepared for things to change when he said, “It’s warm enough you don’t need the jacket but go ahead and slip that sweater thing on that you wear. Then see if the baby will play in the crib so you and I can have a talk.”

He surprised me when he asked, “You okay?”

“Uh …”

“Seeing someone from your past. Learning what your family tried to do.”

“Oh. Well, I guess coming back I figured I might see someone. It’s just Ms. Lathrop was the school nurse over at the middle school and there were all sorts of stories about girls that had to go see the Nurse. Daddy called her a ‘progressive’ and she supported the schools giving out birth control without parents knowing about it. Daddy said there wasn’t a thing Ms. Lathrop could tell me that Momma couldn’t tell me better, plus Ms. Lathrop hadn’t had kids so only thought she knew about the responsibility and stuff like that. I think he was afraid that the school was trying to take over being parents to the kids instead of letting parents be parents to the kids. He didn’t like it because there were too many kids and not enough teachers to be real parents. Or that’s the kind of thing he and Momma would say when they would start talking about it.”

“And your family?”

“You mean do I want to go find Uncle Ty and Aunt Miranda? No. They lived in another town. And Aunt Miranda could be cranky and snobby. She isn’t … wasn’t … isn’t … whatever … she isn’t a bad person, just Momma said she was a rich man’s daughter and enjoyed it a bit too much to make my parents very comfortable around her. Her father and brother were also kinda mean to us because we weren’t rich. I mean they used to give me nice things but Ricky – my brother – said it was all their kids’ second-hand stuff that they didn’t want anymore. I couldn’t tell, it still looked all nice and new to me. But I can’t think that it would be too comfortable going to find them. Uncle Ty would want me to live there and Aunt Miranda would have to say yes or it would look bad only Aunt Miranda would be embarrassed which would make her act weird when no one was around and she and Uncle Ty would just have more reason to fight. That’s why Uncle Ty always came to visit by himself.”

I looked up at him and added, “I know my family wasn’t perfect. Looking back maybe they … they were prideful in their own way just like Aunt Miranda was prideful in hers. But I know it killed Daddy to see what happened to Momma and Ricky … and me. Maybe Uncle Ty figured that out and it made him mad. Uncle Ty was Daddy’s big brother and he took being big brother seriously and sometimes it made him act … not the best. And maybe they think that after all this time I have to be dead, or maybe they hope I am because they can’t stand thinking about what happened or about me living with what happened. All I know is that I’m not who I was before I was stolen away to hell by the Boogey Man. And I’ll never be who I could have been. And I have Annie to think of first. And I can’t say that going to find a family that might not even be around anymore is what is best for Annie. So … so … so if … so if you want things to change to make it worth your while to help take care of Annie I won’t run off.”

Corrigan sighed and then slid down the wall to sit on the other end of the mattress. After a moment he said, “Traumatized you are, but you are also deaf as a doornail Clarity though I suppose I mustn’t blame you. It will take time for you to be able to trust what I’m saying … damn that demon from hell for his perversion. I am not out to get you into my bed as a trade for taking care of you and Annie. I’m not going to go over all the why’s and how come’s. It is just what it is.”

I had to get up and change Annie and that gave me time to think over what Corrigan had said and then get brave enough to ask him, “Then why lock us in?”

“Because we need to talk so now that Annie seems set to go down for a nap, come sit back down and let’s talk.” I did as he said. “It turns out that most of the men want to take what they’ve been paid out and go find themselves.”

“Huh? Don’t they already know where they’re at?”

Corrigan chuckled and said, “You’d think wouldn’t you. We lost quite a few over the winter to the wanderlust. Picked up a few that wouldn’t have survived otherwise. But now it seems all but a couple want to go find what’s left of their families … if there is anything or anyone left. Of the remainder, all but Rob and two others want to go work on the territorial job of rebuilding various infrastructure components … like road and bridge repair, create central health care facilities, salvage what can be salvaged from museums and universities. I guess they think of it as a regular paycheck and a way to normalize.”

“But you don’t.

“Nope. And Rob would rather try and make his own start here where he knows he can do some good in the vet clinic at the town market. And maybe put down other kinds of roots as well.”

“And you?”

“I never was one to work in town. And … I’d like to take a vacation from wandering as well.”

“Would you not wander and stay here with Annie and me? Please?”

He looked at me surprised. “You jump to the chase pretty fast.”

“I know it makes me sound like a bad female type person but if you don’t want to wander around, at least for a while, and all of your stuff is already here, and you are serious about wanting to make sure Annie grows up … welllllll … we can do that here. The basement is snug and dry. You already built your greenhouse and you said you liked working in one at your commune. Maybe Annie and I can be your tribe – your gang – until the others get done fooling around and come back. You can boss us around so you don’t have to go out and find someone new to boss around. And I can do stuff … make stuff, build stuff, forage stuff, grow stuff, sew stuff … and if you have to go out and be around people you can go to the market and trade the things I make and that way Annie can have stuff without me having to go and be where people might know me from up on the mountain or from before.” When he didn’t say anything I added, “I don’t mean to sound bad.”

“You don’t sound bad Clarity. I understand what you’re saying, and I think I understand why, you just surprised me. I would have thought the last thing you would have wanted was some man around.”

“I don’t want some man around. But you’re a strange man and you’re you so that’s different. I don’t understand why, don’t want to analyze it to death, why it is different, but it is. Mostly I … I know something could happen to me and I have to … I mean … Annie. I was always scared that if something happened to me a new boogey man would get Annie. With you here … whether I’m here or not there won’t be a new boogey man … there isn’t room for a boogey man with you here and you wouldn’t let one come in.”

“No I won’t.”

“Will you want to bring in a woman like Robson is thinking of doing?”

“Rob is going to give town a try but wants to keep the house here as a backup. We’ll have to see how that works out.”

“But he’s your friend.”

“He’s my brother-in-law … common law version.”

“Huh?!”

“He and my sister split when he sided with me against Laurel – they were common law and didn’t have a government license, so splitting wasn’t complicated as it could have been. And there had started to be other problems between them which added to it. They didn’t have kids together, though my sister has a couple from her first husband. Rob can’t have kids … his parents were anti-vax types and he caught mumps as a teenager from some migrants that had been allowed to make camp on the farm and now he can’t have kids. Do I need to explain that to you?”

“No,” I said, not the least embarrassed. My own parents had been middle-of-the-road as far as vaccinations went and always explained the pros and cons of it so Ricky and I wouldn’t get drawn into the debate at school. They didn’t give me as many shots as most babies had early on but I was all caught up by the time I started school. I was scared that Annie couldn’t have any shots and what that might mean for her down the road.

“Where’d you go?”

“Sorry. Was thinking. What happens to Annie … and other babies like Annie … that don’t get their shots?”

“Sometimes bad things so we need to keep an eye out for any outbreaks. But there’s things going around they don’t have vaccinations for so we’d do that one way or the other.”

“Okay.” And with my next breath I asked, “Are you going to stay here?”

“I think it would be best. You don’t have a problem with that?”

“No. You’re strange but it appears you aren’t a bad strange.”

“Well, then it’s settled. I was going to give you time to think about it so you wouldn’t be scared but you don’t really sound scared.”

“I might … um … sometimes at night until I get used to it being you over on the bunk but that’s not your fault. Or do you want an upstairs room so you can have a woman?”

“If I need a woman as you put it,” he said sounding a little angry. “I’ll go to town. And that’s enough of that talk. Now mind me and rest while Annie naps. There’ll be enough work when you two wake up.”
 
Kathy in FL

Kathy in FL

Administrator
_______________

Chapter 21​


It is different, having someone to help me to take care of Annie. Oh I still do all the feeding and changing and most of the carrying but I’m talking about the rest of it. Collecting wood is a lot easier. I did all the wood collecting in Hell but now Corrigan does most of the wood collecting. When he found out how I was doing it he squawked worse than a duck that I was swiping eggs from. I thought he was angry at first but it turns out he wasn’t angry at me exactly. He reminded me of Daddy the time he got angry that Momma changed the car tire herself. I know that doesn’t make any sense but that is kinda what he reminded me of. It is okay that I know how to collect and cut wood, but he didn’t like that I was actually doing it. Part of me wanted to ask him what I was supposed to have done otherwise but I’m trying to be good and not get too sassy.

He almost did the same thing about the hunting, but I told him hunting was something I needed to stay in practice with because what if he needed to go away or something like that. After he got quiet for a little bit he said that it would be wrong for him to make me useless so we’d share some chores.

And then there is the foraging. I could do that by myself, but he said he wants to learn. My brain feels all funny to think that I am teaching him things … and it is because he wants to learn. It makes me feel … good. At least I think it does. Kinda hard to tell because it has been so long.

Corrigan is funny. He knows some things because of the way his family lived on the commune. Like he knows how to clean and grind wheat and corn to make flour and meal. Then he knows some basic ways to use that stuff. Well, I wanted to say a real thank you for helping me take care of Annie so I decided to use some of the flour he had made and surprise him. Oh boy did I surprise him and it was with something that I didn’t learn from Sam but from a book he’d left lying around.

See sometimes I was naughty. Sometimes Sam wanted me to learn to do something and I would pretend I couldn’t learn to do it. I didn’t do it often and after a while he stopped trying to make me learn stuff because I had learned all he was really interested in me learning … like fixer skills. But the one thing that Sam had really, really, really wanted me to learn was how to make pasta. Well I did but I never told him I did. I even took a beating for it but didn’t give my naughty up. He’d done something to scare Annie and I just swore to myself that I would never make pasta for him. And I never did. But I decided that I would make it for Corrigan.

The spring is the best time to gather the most tender nettle leaves. You can do a lot more with nettle than people think, you just have to know how to use them so you don’t get stung by the little hairs. I picked them with gloves on and got three loosely packed cups of the leaves. Then I gathered one duck egg, one and a half cup of fresh ground flour and a pinch of salt. You blanch the nettle for about three minutes and then squeeze all the liquid out you can. Then you puree the egg and nettle together so it looks like green slime. I know that sounds gross. It looks gross too but that’s just the way it is. Next you add the flour and salt to the green slime and mix it until you have a dough. Cover the dough and put it in a cool place to rest for about half an hour while you get your water boiling. Now the book I learned from said you are supposed to run the dough through a pasta machine but since I’ve never had one and I’m not sure I even know what one looks like I just roll it out really thin and then use a knife to cut it so that it looks like noodles. Then you boil it so it is al dente. I can’t explain what that means, I only know it when I see it because one of my mother’s aunts married this Italian guy and her mother in law used to make a bunch of noise about it around the holidays when we would all get together for a big feast. So, I can do al dente just not explain it.

When the pasta comes out of the boiling water you need to put a little oil on it to keep it from getting sticky. Or at least put some kind of sauce on it. I made a white sauce and put sliced mushrooms and a couple of minced ramp bulbs in it and a little bit of cheese that I made from powdered milk … that’s something else I pretended to be unable to do but I knew how to do that before Sam stole me away. The more I am remembering, the less I am afraid. The less I am afraid, the more I realize that Sam wasn’t as smart as he thought he was and that maybe I was a little smarter than he let me think I was. Or maybe that is just what I want to think in hindsight to make myself feel better.

Corrigan was a little cranky and needed some personal space and man-only time. Robson and the other men had moved all their stuff to town and I think it was more difficult for him to get used to than he thought it was going to be. Nothing like being the boss and suddenly not having anyone to boss around except a baby and someone you consider little more than an unwanted responsibility. I made the mistake of asking him if he wanted to go to town to help Robson and the others settle in or whatever guys call it and Corrigan got snarky and accused me of not wanting him around and that I better get over that because he intended on keeping an eye on me and Annie and that’s all there is to it. Then he ordered me to stay in the house and rest or he’d know why before slamming a hat on his head and taking off to “hunt.”

Part of me wanted to crawl away with Annie and wonder what I had done wrong and part of me wanted to throw something big and heavy at Corrigan’s head. I decided neither one was going to get me what I wanted and I eventually figured out that it must be as stressful for Corrigan for his life to be changing as it was for me to have someone to suddenly be interested in my and Annie’s life. And that’s when the thought sunk in that maybe I should be grateful for the good things and not worry too much about the rest of it. And when I was finished thinking that is when I thought about making the pasta.

Finally, I got tired of thinking and decided to just to do it. I was tired of worrying it to pieces too. I knew Corrigan was strange, it was stupid for me to expect him to suddenly be not strange. But all the thinking and worrying and then cooking kinda wore me out. Annie was hungry and I sat in the rocker and let her eat, only I went to sleep when the good feeling came over me and made me too relaxed.

I woke up and then jumped when I didn’t feel Annie in my arms. I jumped harder when as I tried to sit up an arm came across to keep me in the rocker.

“Good nap?”

I was trying to put my heart back in my chest and it took me a moment to answer Corrigan.

“I didn’t mean to go to sleep.”

“You need to stop fighting it. You’ll get your strength up but it won’t be for a while yet. Finally found a patch of strawberries.”

“Uh … you did?”

“Yep. Bear found them first.”

“A bear?!”

“I thought I told you to stay sat. I took care of the bear. Wound up trading it to some traders that were heading into town. Saved me having to cart the damn thing any further and it meant that the traders didn’t have to pay taxes on a purchase.”

Briefly distracted I asked, “Taxes? Are there still things like that around? I thought The Chaos changed all of that stuff.”

Corrigan snorted and said, “Death and taxes are still the only sure things in this life.” Then he said, “Er … hope you didn’t just mean for me to eat the whole pot full.”

It took me a moment but I realized he meant he’d found the pasta. Feeling a little anxious I asked, “Was it okay? He was mad because he thought I was too dumb to learn how but I fooled him. Pasta and cheese. I never made that for him. Do you like it?”

Slowly he nodded. “You saying you never … er … for him you never made it?”

“I didn’t get sassy or sneaky much. It was too much risk, especially after Annie came along, but after he stole her away and scared her so bad I finally got more mad than scared. Maybe he knew that because he started putting the cage on my leg so I couldn’t get very far or go very fast. But nothing was going to make me make pasta or cheese for him. Nothing.”

“Well now, you didn’t have to make it for me.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to say thank you for hanging around and helping me to take care of Annie. That’s what is important … Annie. Even if you only care about Annie because of Ruby it is still more than anyone else has done. So I wanted to show that I … that … I wanted to say thank you and I wanted it to be something that … something that wasn’t contaminated by him.”

By then end it felt like something was squeezing my chest and he could tell. He told me to stop fretting because he liked it better than just fine and that he expected me to eat a share or he’d feel bad.

“You shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t what?”

“Feel bad. You could be a really awful person and there’s not a lot I could do about it but you aren’t. And instead of going away you are staying here to help with Annie. You could ask for anything for that but you aren’t asking for anything at all. Well, except that I follow the rules but everyone needs rules or you wind up like the crazies that hide out up in the mountains. I don’t want to be like that so I’ll follow your rules.”

“Clarity?”

“Yes Corrigan?”

“You need to eat then I’ll show you what I traded the bear for.”
 
Kathy in FL

Kathy in FL

Administrator
_______________

Chapter 22​


“Did you eat any? There’s still a lot in … wait … you don’t like … and you were just being nice and …”

Corrigan snorted. Something he was really good at. “Don’t get upset. Ate some. Couldn’t wait. You know how long it has been since I had pasta that didn’t taste like rancid plastic? If you’re sure you’ve got enough I’ll fix me another plate.”

“I meant for you to eat as much as you wanted and then I’d eat what was left.”

Corrigan just looked at me strangely then shook his head. “You eat what I put in your bowl and I’ll have a surprise for you.”

All my thinking and worrying wanted to come out of the box I had shoved it into and it gave me courage I might regret. “Uh … Corrigan? Um … at the risk of … of making a mess of this … um … look, if you want to … you know … treat Annie like she is little that’s okay because that is what she is but … but … I’m small but I’m not little … I mean I’m not a little kid. That was taken away from me and … and I know you … you might be trying to give me some of that back but … but … it’s too late for it. I’m fifteen. That may not be old but it means I’m not a little kid anymore. Sam might have broken me but … but he couldn’t change the laws of nature. You … you don’t have to give me surprises to make me clean my plate and stuff like that. I know how to follow the rules and I’ll follow them without you having to remind me all the time. I want to follow the rules so it won’t irritate you and make you sorry you stayed.”

Corrigan looked away and I wasn’t sure what he was looking at except it wasn’t anything in the room then he shook his head. “No, you aren’t a little kid but … but you’re right when you say that The Fixer stole something away from you and broke it. Think of this time as an opportunity to … to repair and regrow some of the broken things. Maybe you think I think of you like Annie but that’s not precisely true. But you are young, and you do need time to figure your way through this life. And I don’t want you constantly worrying that I’ll see you as if you are … are …”

“Easy pickings?”

“Hell of a way to put it but yeah … I don’t want you to think that I see you as easy pickings or that I’m grooming you for something down the road.”

“Oh. Well. Not that I wouldn’t but, I’d rather not think of about that. You’re helping me take care of Annie. And I know you are making it safer for me so that I can be part of the taking care of Annie. I just want to … do the same thing right back. When I was thinking after you left this morning I looked it up in the dictionary. They said it was called reci … recipro … reciprocity. I think I said that right. Anyway it means that …”

“I know what it means Clarity. And if that’s truly what you mean and you aren’t worried that I’ll want things like The Fixer … with the ‘or else’ part attached to it … then I’ll accept that perhaps I don’t need to treat you like a little kid.”

“I truly mean it. And I don’t mind having to prove myself. You proved yourself to me. Now I prove myself to you. Once we get this out of the way we won’t have to spend all our time proving, we can spend it doing.”

Corrigan just looked at me for a few moments then shook his head and started to eat. “Still got a surprise for you. Nice that I don’t have to treat you like a little kid though. Might save some time and aggravation at that. Just don’t want any misunderstandings.”

“No misunderstandings. I might not know much and probably don’t know how much I don’t know but … you don’t have to think I’ll misunderstand things. The outside scars aren’t the only things reminding me of … of my time up on the mountain. Even if I could ever wrap my head around the idea of wanting … that … with someone there’s no one out there who is ever going to want that with me. Not for the right reasons.”

“Uh …”

“Let’s just … um … consider this one of the things we don’t talk about. Talking it to death won’t change what happened or the way things are right now. Want to know how I made the pasta?”

Corrigan let me close the subject and explain how to make the pasta. By the time the explanation was complete we’d both finished our food and cleaned our plates and the inside of the pot out too. It only took a little soap and water to clean things up the rest of the way. Then Annie wanted her turn at the trough. Because she is teething she is a little snuffly and sounded like a piglet as she tried to eat and breathe at the same time. She was having trouble doing what the books call “latching on” and gave a grunt, a snort, then a whimper.

The whimper made Corrigan jump awake where he’d fallen into a doze in the chair. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s teething and her mouth is sore. She’s done this before and next comes some messy diapers. She’ll get a little cranky but I don’t know how much she’ll cry. She doesn’t very much. Ouch! Annie that wasn’t nice. Please don’t bite.”

It had hurt enough that my milk didn’t want to come which only frustrated Annie the more making her want to chew instead of suckle.

“Why don’t you sing to her the way you did before?”

I figured that if it had worked before it was worth another try. Instead of pop goes the weasel I sang “The Bare Necessities” because my brother used to sing it to me when he wanted to be super silly. The bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife … Annie likes when I sing to her and soon enough she forgot about her sore mouth because her piggy little stomach became more important.

Finally she was finished … followed by the usual messy diaper that came with teething … and after that came the cranky tireds that slowly turned into a restless nap. I was almost ready for a nap by the time Annie finally caved into her snooze but Corrigan had wanted to show me something so I turned to him to show him I was ready.

“C’mere.”

I did and then he said to close my eyes and open my mouth. That didn’t bring back good memories and I had to force myself to mind Corrigan. But then something sweet was in my mouth and my eyes popped open. “I … I remember … but … but I can’t … not all the way …”

“Like that do you? Have to admit it was my favorite too. Candied papaya. There’s some candied pineapple too.”

I just looked at Corrigan not knowing exactly what to say. The only kind of “surprises” that I had gotten for a long time were the kind that I didn’t want to remember or even think about. “Um … this … you …” I stopped and then finally asked, “How? Why?”

He smiled, “Traders that bought into stock that was more than most locals could afford to purchase. Like what’s happened to gold and the like. You can’t eat it and it is too rich for most men to use for their daily needs. Bottom fell out of the gold market. Now you might want to have some in safekeeping for down the road but for your day to day most people are still bartering. At most they trade in silver and copper so long as purity can be proven.”

“But … you traded the bear for … for … this?!”

“You don’t like it?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t lie. But … but …”

“Not the only thing I traded the bear for but they offered and I accepted. Also got some chamois for you to make the baby some moccasins like you mentioned. The rest of the trade I took in salt. I put the sack upstairs but I want it moved down here and …” he said looking around. “There needs to be some kind of hidden storage down here and …”

That’s when I realized that I needed to come clean to Corrigan. “Well … there is.” It wasn’t easy for me to take the risk but he’d traded a whole bear and it was about shoes for Annie, a treat for me, and salt so we could take care of the food and none of us go hungry. I took a deep breath then marched over and opened all of the hidey holes and then just stood there waiting to see what he’d do. I was sweating buckets because he was just looking at them and not saying anything.

He must have been able to tell I was getting anxious but he didn’t yell or anything like that instead all he asked was, “Did you fix this up?”

“No. Daddy and Ricky built them after Uncle Ty went home where he’d come to visit and stayed to help renovate the basement. Uncle Ty doesn’t know about these. No one does because that was the rule that Daddy made.”

“Hmm. This stuff from What’s-His-Name?”

“Some but not all of it. About half is left from what Daddy put in the hidey holes. Some I’ve been adding to it. The rest is … what it is. And that’s all of that there is. I wasn’t lying about the caches being broken into and emptied.”

I waited. Then waited some more. I was waiting for Corrigan to be upset. Finally I couldn’t take his silence and said, “This … this is … reciprocity. We’re … we’re working together. You keep the boogey men away. I work to … to keep … our …”

That’s the last thing I remember saying for a bit. I think I only woke up because I could hear Annie crying. I nearly fell off the bunk getting up but wobbled to the door just in time to see Annie conk Corrigan in the head with a bowl that he’d been feeding her from. I was terrified and then just about fell down when the only then Corrigan did was sigh and say, “I’m wanting your little momma to wake up too but she needs to rest. She’ll be better soon and …”

He must have heard my footstep as I tried to make my way to Annie. My knees didn’t want to work right and I started to go down but he caught me up and then set me in the rocker and gave me Annie. Problem was my hands were shaking so bad I couldn’t get my buttons undone.

“Easy there Clarity. This is just me helping you take care of Annie.”

It was embarrassing but it wasn’t. Things weren’t really in focus. I suppose if I had been any other way I would have been scared where he was opening my buttons for me and the rest of it as he helped Annie get latched on and then helped me hold her there by putting a pillow under my arm.

“I was asleep when Annie needed me,” I almost wailed.

“Shhhhh. Don’t get upset. It’s not good for the baby or you. I want you to stay calm and put your feet up on this stool and keep ‘em there. I’m thinking you did too much today and then got overwhelmed for some reason. Might be the food was richer than you’ve been eating for too long. Either way, you stay put.”

I must have fallen asleep again then I kinda woke up when Corrigan was carrying me I was scared until I figured out it was him then I wasn’t anymore. I’m not going to think about that too much except I know he keeps the boogey men away from me and Annie.

“Are … are you … mad … about … the … the recipro … procity? Are you going to leave? I didn’t mean to lie about the hidey holes. I just didn’t think about them with you around. I didn’t need to … ‘cause … ‘cause …”

“You’re shaking like a leaf. Is that what …?” He stopped and then gently put me and Annie on the bed. He squatted down beside the bed and he saw I was expecting him to be angry but all he did was pull the covers up and tuck them around us. “Now listen here,” he said softly for Annie’s sake. “I’m not leaving. We made a deal Clarity and I mean to stick with it and apparently you do too since you showed me what you call the hidey holes. I mean to take care of Annie and you. And you’re not going to make my job harder which means your feet only touch the floor tomorrow if you aren’t the color of paste. Understand me?”

I was soooo tired it was hard to think but then I asked, “Is this … this you being strange?”

“No hard head. This is reciprocity. I really like the pasta and I know it must have been a lot of work. Too much work. And too much worry whether I was going to like it or not. I want you to stop worrying things to pieces. Now stop fighting sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open. I’m not going anywhere, and nothing is going to get Annie and nothing is going to get you.”

“Yes Corrigan,” I said as I was finally able to fall completely asleep.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top