Chapter 83
“Got a question,” Em said.
“Shoot,” was my way of telling him to go ahead as I flipped the shrimp on the dehydrator one more time.
“Er … you aren’t mad that we’re not going as a couple to the Fall Festival?”
“How many times we have to go over this?” I asked hoping he wasn’t about to try and change plans on me. “We are trying to minimize people talking. I’m going to sing. You’re going to listen. People will say it is for Col. Morgan and his wife. You’ll know that I’m singing for you.”
He relaxed which might not have seemed very complimentary, but I thought it was. And I was relieved on top of that. But something was up so I asked him, “What brought this on?”
He grimaced as he sat to take off his boots. I was going to help him but he shoo’ed me off. “People are talkin’.”
“As Missus Honoree is fond of saying, ‘If people didn’t talk, the sky would fall.’ What makes what they are talking about this time any different?”
He finally got the first boot off and said, “They’re talking about us. And other people are listening. Won’t be long before some people start trying to do more than talk and listen.”
“They’ll start managing and blaming? That what you trying to say?”
He sighed.
I then asked, “Are you having problems with your family concerning the talking that is happening … is that some of what caused that long, aggravating phone call with Xavier that you didn’t want to share?”
Growing aggravated all of a sudden he snapped, “Stop trying to read my mind. It’s irritating as hell.”
“Back it up,” I told him sharply. “I ain’t trying to do anything but understand what you are worried about. You don’t talk so that means I have to ask questions. You can’t handle questions? That’s your problem, not mine.”
And he just got up and left. He was barefoot so I knew it would only be to the porch, but I wasn’t going to follow him out and make nice with the world watching. I went back to cleaning my shrimp mess and when I was finished and he wasn’t back I listened out the window and heard him joking with some of the young enlisted like he hadn’t thrown a snit fit not long before. The fact that it was a joke on females just made it worse in my mind. Yeah, guys are guys, especially when you get more than two or three together in one spot, but that wasn’t a good day to expect that kind of acceptance out of me. I was done.
I went out the opposite side of the house to grab a shower out in the shed to get the shrimp smell out of my hair and to try and get my brain and body feeling half-way human. I was tired and was looking at another long day of hard work the next day. When I came back, he was sitting on the bed but I ignored him and got ready for my own bed and then hopped up in the hammock and started to fall asleep.
“You aren’t going to say anything?” he asked.
Sighing because he was going to keep going to make a point, I decided to cut him off. “I ain’t your Momma. You walk off in a snit that’s on you.”
“So you can just go to sleep despite we having a fight?”
“We aren’t having a fight. You are trying to pick one and I ain’t participating. And hell to the yes I can sleep. My butt is dragging and I’m tired because not only do I have my job to keep up with, I’m trying to help make sure the people with rose-colored glasses around here won’t starve to death when they have to evacuate. Not if. When.”
“You think you doing everything all on your own?!”
Understanding he was angry because I wouldn’t play his stupid game I told him, “No. But I’m doing my part. And I’m tired. And I am not going to start a fight just so you can exercise whatever demon is irritating you. And here’s another thing … you don’t have to worry about me asking about your family anymore. You made your point so relax already. And stop trying to make it out to be about something like me being mad about not going to the dance together. You know that was never the plan and you also know I keep my word about it never being the plan. Did I cover everything?” When he didn’t answer I said, “Hallelujah. Good freaking night.”
I really did fall asleep though it was only because I was every bit as tired as I’d told him. A few hours later I sensed him standing over me. “Ava?”
“Mpphf.”
“You awake?”
“No. But don’t worry about that. I only have to get up before four because your Auntie has some extra work she wants done before the sun sets.”
“Huh?”
I sat up, not particularly appreciative even if he did look good with his shirt off. It was warm for October, especially with all the bodies in the building. We were fuller than usual and that was only one reason why I was tired. “Say whatever is on your mind so you can sleep.”
Like it was against his better judgment he answered me saying, “Mere is giving Xavier fits. And the crap just keeps rolling downhill into my lap.”
“Am I going to have to pull it out a word at a time? Fits over what?”
“Us.”
“Well publicly there is no us. There shouldn’t be any reason for your mother to throw fits. I’ve never even met the woman … or your brother … so they have to be getting their information from somewhere because I at least give you credit for not carrying our business all over the place like an ol’ gossipy hen. So figure out who is spreading gossip and I’ll go bash their head in. Problem solved.”
He snorted. “Just that easy is it.”
“Sure it is. Because more than likely it is one or both of your former girlfriends. You, being a guy, won’t hit a female like they need, and in particular those two females because … well because and we’ll leave it at that. Me being female, regardless of what some people might think of that fact, absolutely will kick some female butt and not apologize for it. Been thinking all I need is a good excuse and this one seems better than most.”
“I never said …”
I interrupted him to bring this to a conclusion. “You didn’t have to. As soon as you told me what is happening it became obvious. And just as obvious who is doing it. Wylene and Mona, maybe or maybe not at the direction of Daniel Edgar. They’re putain enough to do it on their own. They couldn’t get me through Auntie. They can’t get me through any direct approach, so they tried to steal my job – which hasn’t and won’t happen because the source of my employment is out of their sphere of influence.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that the people who really employ me, the ones that tell the Trust Lawyers what to do, gives not a single frick about what certain people are trying to say about me. The big boss knows more about how local politics works around here than Daniel Edgar and his gang of retards realize. All the big boss cares about are results and so long as I perform above and beyond without costing them an arm and a leg, they are happy with the way things are arranged. Daniel Edgar has also been rebuffed when he and a few of his minions tried to get a little more direct with their attempts.”
“Now wait. Wut?”
“So now that Daniel has overplayed his hand in one direction, he is taking it in another, just being more subtle. Looks just like with Auntie. You’re falling for it. Worse, you are keeping it to yourself, leaving me to get blindsided. Thanks Em. I really like it when you think I’m a half-wit with no sympathy for what you have to be going through. I’m going back to sleep.”
“Now who is trying to start a fight?” he asked deflecting which only made me angrier for some reason.
“I’m not trying. I gave you something to work with so you can feel justified and rationalize your position. Go with it. You know you’ll be more comfortable.”
“Well it’s obvious you don’t want a rational discussion.” And there it was again. He was pushing for a verbal fight. I didn’t know what kind of day he’d had but I knew what kind of day I’d had so I tried to hold onto my temper. I also knew what kind of day I was likely to have tomorrow and the day after that which was the Fall Festival.
He was lucky I was too tired to do something about how much I felt like throwing something at him at that moment. “No because all you are looking for is a way to not feel guilty for stuff you shouldn’t be feeling guilty about to begin with. I don’t need you to take me to some damn party to be more than friends with you. I don’t need you to play hero or masochist in public because I’m fine keeping things private until other messes get taken care of. I don’t need anyone to define whatever this is that we are working on because it isn’t anyone else’s damn business and I don’t want them screwing things up. I don’t need anyone’s approval of how I feel about you because I approve how I feel about you. I don’t need …”
“All right already. I get it. Keep it down before you wake someone up.”
“Do you get it Em? Because from where I am right now it sure seems that maybe you need those things and if you do, that’s a change from what you’ve been saying. We have a plan. We are … or were … working on it. You want to change that plan I have a right to know and help decide what and how things are going to change. ‘You Tarzan, me Jane, let me go make you a sammich Honey’ might sound fun to play on occasion but it isn’t a way of life I intend on living day in and day out.”
He was silent so long I was almost back to sleep despite the suspicions I had started to have. He sounded too much like Zeb had once upon a time.
He finally asked, “That the way you see it?”
“Define ‘it’,” I said almost unable to form the words.
“Er … You don’t sound good.”
“I’m awake a ‘leventy clock trying not to have a fight over something that doesn’t need to be fought over.”
He sighed. “I can’t help how I feel.”
“I’m not asking you to change how you feel Em. I was asking for an explanation of why you feel the way you do so I can understand and help do something about it. Share it or don’t. But I guarantee that me working in the dark is not going to make your job easier.”
We finally got down to brass tacks.
“They make me feel bad.”
“They who?” I asked.
“Xavier. Mere. Auntie. Momma L. They say that maybe I should move back home since there isn’t enough room here and it might be giving you ideas since … er …”
“Since I’m so young? Since I have no morals? Since I am some brainless wonder that would jump on you at the least provocation? That I’m unable to be your friend and your more than friend at the same time? Since you have no morals? Since you too brainless in the female department that you …”
Breaking in on my list which was proving maybe he was going to get a fight after all he said, “All of the above and a few that make even less sense. I know we talked this over.”
“Ad nauseum.”
“I know we have a plan and I know it isn’t you changing.”
“But you are.”
It took him a while to admit. “Yeah.”
“Fine. You need space. Give me time to move my hammock to the shed and maybe we can both get some sleep.”
“Wait …”
“Wait for what Em? Wait until people stop talking? Wait until my age catches up with yours? Wait until your family decides I’m not some piece of white trash bringing their bloodline down?”
“Now wait just a …”
“Because even if you haven’t figured it out yet, I know that is not going to happen. People never stop talking. I’m always going to be 10 years younger than you. And your momma will always think I’m trash, because to her that is exactly what I am.” He just looked at me, helpless to deny it. “I told you that I was, am, and always will be your friend. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way it is. But I’m not willing to die a martyr waiting on you to accept and be willing to live with those facts.”
“Ava …”
And I knew. And just like with Zeb I wasn’t willing to lose a friend just because we’d both made the same mistake. “Stop. No need to throw yourself in the volcano over this. We’ll just put it down to two friends who tried to make more of a situation than they should have. Not like I haven’t faced that before. Time for some commonsense to be used by one of us and hopefully soon by both of us. Let it go Em. I trust you no matter how this may sound. You’re a good guy that just … we were both lonely. There’s no fault in that. We both just … just needed a friend and got carried away, tried to fill too many holes at the same time and now it is biting us on the butt.”
“I never meant for things to go this way Ava. Never.”
Feeling as bad for him as I was for myself I said, “Stop worrying about that. If I know nothing else in this life Em, it’s that you are one of the good guys. Don’t fault me for trying to think I’d found … whatever … look, I’m going to the shed. With some of my things. Including the hammock. I have to be up in less than an hour anyway. We’ll just have to figure out divvying …” I tossed a hand at all the stuff in the room. “… some other time. I don’t have it in me right now to do it. And I’m going to say the rest of this before things turn into a damn soap opera. The storage locker is still yours to use. Shaddup about it before you even start talking. And I’ll still help with the food part when it comes to getting your family out in case of an evacuation. The rest is just … too much right now. Can we at least leave it at that and … and try to stay friends?”
“Yeah, Sweetheart. Yeah. And …”
“Nothing else Em or I risk turning into a real live girl and freak you out.”