Story Trash to Treasure
- Thread starter Kathy in FL
- Start date
CHAPTER 17 (Part 1)
“Consider the mighty oak,” Chief Jackson said to us after we’d broken away from the large group.
He spotted the look on my face when I started wondering if he was feeling okay and broke down laughing. “Lord Girl, you are gullible.” He settled down and said, “You looked like you were enjoying yourself back there. How much did you retain?”
“Enough to know there are things that Momma didn’t teach me. Are there books around here that I can read about this stuff?”
“Yes. In the library, but there are also articles you can download on your tablet that Staff have written based on their experiences in this area and in other parts of the country and world. Tell me what you remember about the acorn.”
That was easy as it is one of the first they covered in the group session. “A lot more can be made from acorns than just new oak trees. They can be used as a coffee substitute, ground into a kind of flour or meal, they can be used as animal feed for some domesticated livestock like pigs, they are food for a lot of wild animals not just squirrels, they are high in complex carbohydrates, can help control blood sugar, are a good source of fiber and protein, are high in Vitamin B and …”
“Okay, okay, sounds like you were listening. Now here is how you get to all of that natural goodness.”
Our lesson that day was on gathering and processing acorns so that they could be used as a food source for humans. There are different varieties of acorns, just like the trees that grow from them, and each one is different. Some are larger, some are easier to crack, some are restricted to specific geographic regions, and even when you have the same variety of acorn there can be differences in taste based on the microenvironment they grow in … like the soil pH, how much rain they get, and mineral content and stuff like that. Acorns have something in them called tannin … yep, that stuff that stains everything … and it is very bitter. First you have to harvest the acorns, pick out the ones that have worms in them or are spoiled in some other way, crack the acorns to get to the nutmeats, then you have to process them to remove the bitter stuff. You can process them a couple of different ways, but they all come down to flushing out the bitterness and making the nutmeats edible. Then you have to dry them so they can be used, or stored, for future use. While we did this we got to see the results of some acorns in the post-processed state and we fixed our own meal with them. We ground some and made muffins with them and some we left whole and made into acorn chili[1].
Part way through learning how to collect the right kind of wood and properly build a fire Lincoln got a little annoyed at me and said, “Settle down McCormick. What’s with you?”
“This is amazing! With this kind of stuff Bam-Bam and I will never go hungry. Like ever. Why don’t more people know about all this? Even in the cities we had oak trees that would drop acorns like crazy. At the half-way house where I lived for a while the acorns carpeted the ground so much it made walking outside barefooted almost impossible and no one thought anything about raking them up and doing this food stuff with them. I mean I learned a few things from the Street People – like dandelions and dollar weed being edible … but … this … this is …”
I had unintentionally made some of them uncomfortable, but I was clueless until Quiet Guy patted my hand like he thought I needed it. It took me a moment of looking around before I got it. “Oh … uh … not looking for pity or … or whatever you are thinking. Sorry.”
“’S ok. Been … hungry … too. This … good.” I noticed he was talking more but sounding even more like glass on gravel. I looked at his water bottle and saw it was empty. I don’t know why but I picked it up and walked over to the water truck and refilled it. When I got back I asked him, “Have you tried honey?”
Dallas and Cooper were looking at me like I’d lost my mind … again … but Quiet Guy only looked at me expectantly like he wasn’t taking offense but didn’t know what I meant. “For your throat so it won’t hurt when you talk more than usual. The feeding tubes used to irritate my throat and sometimes I’d get infections that would cause cankers in my throat and mouth. This old Army nurse that my Dad met on one of his investigations told him to give me honey. It has antiseptic properties and would soothe my throat. Bonus was that they didn’t have to bribe me to take it like some of that crap I was prescribed. So … honey, have you tried it?”
He shook his head and I told him, “Give it a go. It can’t hurt and it might help. Did you guys eat this kind of stuff when you were in the military?”
Everyone was willing to humor me when they started to realize I was blunt and plain spoken, but not to be mean, so Dallas answered, “Only on training maneuvers that covered survival tactics. And it wasn’t acorns but things that didn’t take a lot of processing like these acorns do … more like grasshoppers and stuff like that.”
Horrified at the very idea I said, “Oh no. Definitely not. Bam-Bam will not be eating bugs if I can help it. John the Baptist may have done it in the wilderness, but no locust, grasshopper, or any other kind of bug will pass my lips so long as there is anything else in the world to eat. Uh uh, not happening.”
Chief Jackson gave an evil grin and said, “Wanna bet?”
Well my bubble was burst. I sighed in resignation. “Any way out of that particular taste test?”
Everyone got a laugh at my expense and we continued with the acorn lesson through to when there was a bell announcing it was time to head to the dinning hall for the evening meal. We’d already cleaned up and were given permission to gather our gear and head back after Chief Jackson said, “Remember, no activities tonight. Everyone is expected to stay in their rooms and make good use of their time. I know you lot weren’t part of what happened at the bonfire, that’s on record, but that doesn’t change the decision that was made.” We all nodded our understanding. We’d been told at breakfast that the bonfire mess had caused loss of night time activities for at least a week. Additionally, there would be extra assignments to take up the time people would have otherwise had to enjoy. Depending on how things went the restriction could either continue – potentially the rest of the semester – or could be lifted. There was a lot of irritation and those that had caused it were silently put on notice by a lot of other trainees that paybacks were coming, and they wouldn’t be pleasant. I had no intention of getting involved so stayed as far out of it as I could when I heard the subject being muttered about during large group training.
To add insult to injury dinner turned out to be little more than watered down soup. I think the hostile environment and food was somehow triggering Quiet Guy’s bad memories as he was jittery. Cooper and Dallas hustled him out towards their rooms pretty quick. I hoped he’d be able to work his way through it with some quiet as I headed off to my own room. I had homework that I needed to finish before the next day plus I wanted to work on the clothes.
I edited the resume project and finished it up and submitted it electronically. Made notes and wrote an essay on what I’d learned about the acorn and copied that over to the Ubernet Cube so I could keep it for myself. Took care of Bam-Bam who got a better meal than the one that I’d had and had just started to work on one of the tops when there was a knock and Chief Delray and Chief Madison walked in without an invitation. I winced as I thought about the noise they were going to cause Bam-Bam to make but apparently Chief Delray knew enough about babies that they kept the noise to a minimum.
“Inspection time,” she said quietly. That warranted another wince as I was in the floor making a mess with the sewing.
Chief Madison must have read my mind because she said, “Homework projects don’t count as long as you are working on them during the inspection. Just show us your closet space this time. We can see the bed is made and tidy.”
I did and they made some notations then asked me, “What are you working on?”
“Chief Larkin sent some stuff over and wanted me to refashion it for some thrift store or other.” I showed them the skirt from the previous night and then how I was deconstructing two of the oversized, damaged tops and how I was going to sew the two of them together to make a dress with a swingy skirt with enough material left over to add some detailing to the jean skirt I’d finished and maybe some other accessories.
Chief Delray was fingering the skirt and asked, “Where did you learn to do this?”
“My mom, online tutorials, necessity, and trial and error. A girl at the halfway house taught me some crochet stitches in exchange for babysitting services. You just pick stuff up if you pay attention enough and are willing to practice. It started out as a way to make over some of my Mom’s clothes for her when the cancer treatments … anyway I was trying to find a job to escape after high school, but no one was hiring kids. Then it was making my own maternity clothes and finding a way to pay the bills at the half-way house. Then Bam-Bam needed stuff so I learned those kinds of patterns.”
“Yes, your records show you sold things online. Do you still have your accounts?”
“Yes, but not a business license. End of the year ends the one I have … had … in Florida and I don’t know what the requirements are here in Georgia, or the sales tax laws and stuff.” I stopped when I had another thought.
“What?” Chief Madison asked.
“Income tax for this past year. My guardian ad litem took care of it last year but … but …”
Chief Delray typed something into her tablet. “I’ll make note to contact the law firm that recommended you for The Farm. Since they are nominally still in charge of your Florida legal situation there may already be something planned. I’ll let you know.”
“Er … thank you. But shouldn’t I be responsible for that?”
“You don’t trust me to do the job?”
“It’s not that. It’s just … my responsibility. I mean you already have a lot of work, and we aren’t supposed to expect to get our hands held all the way through and … well … it's just my responsibility. Isn’t it?”
For the first time I saw some spark of something in Chief Delray’s expression. “Under normal circumstances yes but this is important enough that it needs to get put into play sooner rather than later and a law office may be more inclined to speak to me than they are to you since you are still technically under age.”
“Oh. Just don’t … I mean … I don’t want to make more work.”
Again there was something there and she shook her head and said, “You aren’t. But remember that lights are out in 45.”
“Yes ma’am.” When she turned Chief Madison gave me a very abbreviated wink. I wasn’t sure what it meant but I figured she approved of my behavior for some reason and then went back to work when they went on to the next room inspection.
By the time the lights flickered their five-minute warning, I had the dress pieced and basted together and had sketches for the remaining items. Boy was I ready to call it a day.
# # # # # # # # # #
“Consider the mighty oak,” Chief Jackson said to us after we’d broken away from the large group.
He spotted the look on my face when I started wondering if he was feeling okay and broke down laughing. “Lord Girl, you are gullible.” He settled down and said, “You looked like you were enjoying yourself back there. How much did you retain?”
“Enough to know there are things that Momma didn’t teach me. Are there books around here that I can read about this stuff?”
“Yes. In the library, but there are also articles you can download on your tablet that Staff have written based on their experiences in this area and in other parts of the country and world. Tell me what you remember about the acorn.”
That was easy as it is one of the first they covered in the group session. “A lot more can be made from acorns than just new oak trees. They can be used as a coffee substitute, ground into a kind of flour or meal, they can be used as animal feed for some domesticated livestock like pigs, they are food for a lot of wild animals not just squirrels, they are high in complex carbohydrates, can help control blood sugar, are a good source of fiber and protein, are high in Vitamin B and …”
“Okay, okay, sounds like you were listening. Now here is how you get to all of that natural goodness.”
Our lesson that day was on gathering and processing acorns so that they could be used as a food source for humans. There are different varieties of acorns, just like the trees that grow from them, and each one is different. Some are larger, some are easier to crack, some are restricted to specific geographic regions, and even when you have the same variety of acorn there can be differences in taste based on the microenvironment they grow in … like the soil pH, how much rain they get, and mineral content and stuff like that. Acorns have something in them called tannin … yep, that stuff that stains everything … and it is very bitter. First you have to harvest the acorns, pick out the ones that have worms in them or are spoiled in some other way, crack the acorns to get to the nutmeats, then you have to process them to remove the bitter stuff. You can process them a couple of different ways, but they all come down to flushing out the bitterness and making the nutmeats edible. Then you have to dry them so they can be used, or stored, for future use. While we did this we got to see the results of some acorns in the post-processed state and we fixed our own meal with them. We ground some and made muffins with them and some we left whole and made into acorn chili[1].
Part way through learning how to collect the right kind of wood and properly build a fire Lincoln got a little annoyed at me and said, “Settle down McCormick. What’s with you?”
“This is amazing! With this kind of stuff Bam-Bam and I will never go hungry. Like ever. Why don’t more people know about all this? Even in the cities we had oak trees that would drop acorns like crazy. At the half-way house where I lived for a while the acorns carpeted the ground so much it made walking outside barefooted almost impossible and no one thought anything about raking them up and doing this food stuff with them. I mean I learned a few things from the Street People – like dandelions and dollar weed being edible … but … this … this is …”
I had unintentionally made some of them uncomfortable, but I was clueless until Quiet Guy patted my hand like he thought I needed it. It took me a moment of looking around before I got it. “Oh … uh … not looking for pity or … or whatever you are thinking. Sorry.”
“’S ok. Been … hungry … too. This … good.” I noticed he was talking more but sounding even more like glass on gravel. I looked at his water bottle and saw it was empty. I don’t know why but I picked it up and walked over to the water truck and refilled it. When I got back I asked him, “Have you tried honey?”
Dallas and Cooper were looking at me like I’d lost my mind … again … but Quiet Guy only looked at me expectantly like he wasn’t taking offense but didn’t know what I meant. “For your throat so it won’t hurt when you talk more than usual. The feeding tubes used to irritate my throat and sometimes I’d get infections that would cause cankers in my throat and mouth. This old Army nurse that my Dad met on one of his investigations told him to give me honey. It has antiseptic properties and would soothe my throat. Bonus was that they didn’t have to bribe me to take it like some of that crap I was prescribed. So … honey, have you tried it?”
He shook his head and I told him, “Give it a go. It can’t hurt and it might help. Did you guys eat this kind of stuff when you were in the military?”
Everyone was willing to humor me when they started to realize I was blunt and plain spoken, but not to be mean, so Dallas answered, “Only on training maneuvers that covered survival tactics. And it wasn’t acorns but things that didn’t take a lot of processing like these acorns do … more like grasshoppers and stuff like that.”
Horrified at the very idea I said, “Oh no. Definitely not. Bam-Bam will not be eating bugs if I can help it. John the Baptist may have done it in the wilderness, but no locust, grasshopper, or any other kind of bug will pass my lips so long as there is anything else in the world to eat. Uh uh, not happening.”
Chief Jackson gave an evil grin and said, “Wanna bet?”
Well my bubble was burst. I sighed in resignation. “Any way out of that particular taste test?”
Everyone got a laugh at my expense and we continued with the acorn lesson through to when there was a bell announcing it was time to head to the dinning hall for the evening meal. We’d already cleaned up and were given permission to gather our gear and head back after Chief Jackson said, “Remember, no activities tonight. Everyone is expected to stay in their rooms and make good use of their time. I know you lot weren’t part of what happened at the bonfire, that’s on record, but that doesn’t change the decision that was made.” We all nodded our understanding. We’d been told at breakfast that the bonfire mess had caused loss of night time activities for at least a week. Additionally, there would be extra assignments to take up the time people would have otherwise had to enjoy. Depending on how things went the restriction could either continue – potentially the rest of the semester – or could be lifted. There was a lot of irritation and those that had caused it were silently put on notice by a lot of other trainees that paybacks were coming, and they wouldn’t be pleasant. I had no intention of getting involved so stayed as far out of it as I could when I heard the subject being muttered about during large group training.
To add insult to injury dinner turned out to be little more than watered down soup. I think the hostile environment and food was somehow triggering Quiet Guy’s bad memories as he was jittery. Cooper and Dallas hustled him out towards their rooms pretty quick. I hoped he’d be able to work his way through it with some quiet as I headed off to my own room. I had homework that I needed to finish before the next day plus I wanted to work on the clothes.
I edited the resume project and finished it up and submitted it electronically. Made notes and wrote an essay on what I’d learned about the acorn and copied that over to the Ubernet Cube so I could keep it for myself. Took care of Bam-Bam who got a better meal than the one that I’d had and had just started to work on one of the tops when there was a knock and Chief Delray and Chief Madison walked in without an invitation. I winced as I thought about the noise they were going to cause Bam-Bam to make but apparently Chief Delray knew enough about babies that they kept the noise to a minimum.
“Inspection time,” she said quietly. That warranted another wince as I was in the floor making a mess with the sewing.
Chief Madison must have read my mind because she said, “Homework projects don’t count as long as you are working on them during the inspection. Just show us your closet space this time. We can see the bed is made and tidy.”
I did and they made some notations then asked me, “What are you working on?”
“Chief Larkin sent some stuff over and wanted me to refashion it for some thrift store or other.” I showed them the skirt from the previous night and then how I was deconstructing two of the oversized, damaged tops and how I was going to sew the two of them together to make a dress with a swingy skirt with enough material left over to add some detailing to the jean skirt I’d finished and maybe some other accessories.
Chief Delray was fingering the skirt and asked, “Where did you learn to do this?”
“My mom, online tutorials, necessity, and trial and error. A girl at the halfway house taught me some crochet stitches in exchange for babysitting services. You just pick stuff up if you pay attention enough and are willing to practice. It started out as a way to make over some of my Mom’s clothes for her when the cancer treatments … anyway I was trying to find a job to escape after high school, but no one was hiring kids. Then it was making my own maternity clothes and finding a way to pay the bills at the half-way house. Then Bam-Bam needed stuff so I learned those kinds of patterns.”
“Yes, your records show you sold things online. Do you still have your accounts?”
“Yes, but not a business license. End of the year ends the one I have … had … in Florida and I don’t know what the requirements are here in Georgia, or the sales tax laws and stuff.” I stopped when I had another thought.
“What?” Chief Madison asked.
“Income tax for this past year. My guardian ad litem took care of it last year but … but …”
Chief Delray typed something into her tablet. “I’ll make note to contact the law firm that recommended you for The Farm. Since they are nominally still in charge of your Florida legal situation there may already be something planned. I’ll let you know.”
“Er … thank you. But shouldn’t I be responsible for that?”
“You don’t trust me to do the job?”
“It’s not that. It’s just … my responsibility. I mean you already have a lot of work, and we aren’t supposed to expect to get our hands held all the way through and … well … it's just my responsibility. Isn’t it?”
For the first time I saw some spark of something in Chief Delray’s expression. “Under normal circumstances yes but this is important enough that it needs to get put into play sooner rather than later and a law office may be more inclined to speak to me than they are to you since you are still technically under age.”
“Oh. Just don’t … I mean … I don’t want to make more work.”
Again there was something there and she shook her head and said, “You aren’t. But remember that lights are out in 45.”
“Yes ma’am.” When she turned Chief Madison gave me a very abbreviated wink. I wasn’t sure what it meant but I figured she approved of my behavior for some reason and then went back to work when they went on to the next room inspection.
By the time the lights flickered their five-minute warning, I had the dress pieced and basted together and had sketches for the remaining items. Boy was I ready to call it a day.
# # # # # # # # # #
Chapter 17 (Part 2)
Breakfast was a warm cereal of some grain or other. It wasn’t oatmeal exactly, but it wasn’t bad … at least it wasn’t bad if you didn’t mind that there wasn’t any sweetening in it or flavoring of any kind. I heard a few trainees complaining that there wasn’t any sweetening or creamer for their coffee and tea either. The only Staff that responded to the complaints was Chief Jackson when he asked the trainee that had gotten up the courage to approach him if he wanted any cheese with his whine.
After large group Chief Jackson hauled the rest of us deep into the woods. The hike was brisk, but I kept up though a few times I had to jog a bit and Bam-Bam didn’t appreciate it. When we crossed a stream by going from rock to rock Quiet Guy held back to help me across. When the trail got steep, he helped me to balance as I took the larger steps than I was used to. And when we finally stopped, he understood that I needed to nurse Bam-Bam and acted as a privacy screen and wind break until I could get my jacket and shirt adjusted. And he did it all without being asked or saying a word.
Lincoln came over and asked quietly, “You gonna make it?”
Surprised I looked at her and answered, “Sure. I might feel like death warmed over tonight but hey … I was warned right? And any day I don’t have to eat a bug is a good day. But if we want to be able to hear ourselves think then Bam-Bam gets fed and changed as his majesty desires.”
Quiet Guy snorted and it made me feel good that I’d said something that he found funny … or humorous or something.
“Fine. But say something if there is a problem.”
“I will.”
While Bam-Bam ate, and Chief Jackson did his level best to ignore what was going on, we went over what had been covered in big group in more detail. The lesson had been on wild greens and how even in cold weather there was usually something like that around most of the time. In the case of that particular lesson it was chickweed. I already knew what it was because I had to help mom dig it out of her flower beds often enough, I just hadn’t known you could eat it. I learned that day that a lot of things people called “weeds” were edible. The other thing we were covering were black walnuts.
By the time we finished gathering and then breaking into a bunch of walnuts our fingers were stained brown. I found out that walnut hulls were used as a furniture stain in olden times. It was also used as a type of ink by people that couldn’t afford real, powdered inks for their quills and fountain pens back then too. That’s when Chief Jackson surprised all of us by bringing out some eggs that he’d had in his pack.
“These are duck eggs which is why they are so much larger than you are used to. I swiped them off that noisy bunch of honkers that hang out around the pond on the other side of the tool barn. How about we have a chickweed and duck egg omelet for our mid-day meal?”
Chief Jackson was just as hungry as us trainees by that point but seeing how the guys’ eyes followed the pan like they were wolves after prey I voluntarily stuck to eating the walnuts. I had to go off a-ways to change Bam-Bam but was startled when Chief Jackson followed me.
“That was a slick trick.”
“Huh?”
“Switching plates around so that no one noticed you didn’t eat.”
“I’m eating. I like nuts. They’re good for you.”
“You doing it because it was duck eggs?”
I sighed. “No Sir. If I can eat peacock eggs then duck eggs wouldn’t bother me.”
“Must have been some fancy restaurant for you to have tried peacock eggs.”
I had to laugh. “No Sir. This bag lady named Proud Mary found a nest and taught me how to fix them.”
“Hmph. Fine. So why did you give up your share?”
I finished snapping Bam-Bam back into his clothes and picked him up while making sure the guys were otherwise occupied. “I kinda get the idea that they got treated pretty bad as POWs. Trahern at least has admitted he’s been hungry and it didn’t sound like it was his idea to be that way. This food punishment isn’t doing them any good … you know with their issues. I figure this is my part helping them … like the Judge has expectations of. They’re bigger than me so they’re going to burn more calories. They don’t have as much body fat as I do either, that’s on my side too. And like I said … I like nuts.”
“You’re feeding that baby.”
“Well, I’m taking supplements – or Nurse Gilroy will know why not – and these nuts are super nutritious and are filling me up. So long as I get enough fluid there shouldn’t be any problems. Um Chief?”
“Yeah?”
“What are those little balls up in that tree over there?”
He saw what I was pointing to and smiled. “Lincoln! Markham! Come lookee what Trainee McCormick has found!”
They jogged over and then looked where I was pointing. “Persimmons!”
That was another lesson and we wound up having to lug a bunch of them back with us in these collapsible buckets that Chief Jackson had brought with him. We eventually made our own such buckets from old canvas clothes bags but that was later, this time we used his. These were sort of like back packs, or at least sacks that you could carry on your back that had a stiffened band of what felt like dress boning that would hold it open and a drawstring mouth that you could close it with when you didn’t want anything in your bucket to fall out.
Dinner was some type of bouillon with a plain acorn meal muffin. It was more than enough for me because I filled up on water and the so not-yummy supplements that Nurse Gilroy determined that I needed a second dose of until she said otherwise. The guys weren’t feeling so hot, but I kept them talking – with the help of Jan and Jen – and they made it through dinner and didn’t even run off too fast afterwards.
Jan and Jen hung back a bit and asked, “Everything going okay?”
“Chief Jackson has high expectations … but as far as a teacher goes I’ve definitely had worse. What about you two?”
“About the same with Chief Madison. But …”
“But?”
“Just keep situationally aware. There’s a few … look, just keep your eyes peeled. I don’t know where they dug up some in this bunch, but they don’t act like they’ve missed too many meals and this skinnying down the menu is starting to get to a couple of them.”
“You’re kidding. It hasn’t been but a day.”
“Like I said, some of these trainees are soft … softer than I woulda thought a program like The Farm would have.”
I shrugged. “Or they found their one weakness. I used to know kids who liked to drown their sorrows in junk food. Take away their vice of choice and they’ll have the DTs similar to a drug addict. Processed sugar might as well be a drug if you listen to some doctors. Either way, not our problem so ignore them. We’re going to graduate. We’re going to get jobs. Then we can buy our own food.”
“From your lips to Jehovah’s ears. Are … are the guys okay?”
Uh oh I thought. Looks like there was more than casual interest there. I just hoped they didn’t do anything with it … or at least didn’t get caught doing anything with it. “Out in the woods and stuff they seem fine. Large group and that sort of thing … eh, they’ve got reason to be a little different but they’re holding it together.”
“You’d … you know … clue us in if they were in trouble.”
“Sure. We’re a crew. All of us. Right?”
They relaxed and nodded before we peeled off to go our separate ways. And that’s how it went for another week. The meals were skimpy, no nighttime activities, and we continued to follow whatever our course schedule was plus extra lessons. One of the only blips in that for me was finishing up the pile of refashions at night and figuring out how to get them to Chief Larkin … I asked Chief Delray who gave me a pass to take them to the Textile Program where I met Larkin for the first time and the chief looked nothing like I expected. I kinda envisioned them to look like their namesake, a lark or maybe someone’s grandmother or auntie. Nope. First off “she” was a “he” and he reminded me of that old comedian Dom Deluise and was just as big and loud … but so was his wife. That’s when I learned some of the staff had significant others but not all of them lived and worked on The Farm.
Chief Larkin really liked the refashions I did and “gifted” me with several more items to refashion as time permitted. And told me, “If or when they are purchased at the thrift store in town, we’ll credit you with a portion of the proceeds. Grab that bag of sewing notions and odds and ends on your way out. Use what you need to for the projects. We can restock as you turn items in.”
I was glad he’d said something before I’d had to ask. I liked working on refashions but I didn’t want to use up all of my personal sewing supplies, what few I had, to do it.
The only other “blip” was during one of the half-days we spent in Academics. I was tooling along and getting assignments complete. I didn’t want to have any more to do at night than I could help since I also needed to work on the refashions. It wasn’t easy because even I was starting to feel the effects of the restricted diet. About half of the people in the room kept nodding off and we still had what amounted to PE in the afternoon to get through.
I’d reached a stopping point and got up to ask Chief Clancy if I could use the library to look up books on foraging. Before I could do so I was cornered by Mickey and Trudeau.
“Are you trying to make us look bad?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t play dumb girl. You’re showing off,” Mickey said while pointing to the lesson counter on my tablet.
“I’m not showing off. I’m just trying to get as much done as I can because I have a crapton of other homework I have to do at night and I don’t know about you but I’m going to go face first into my food tray if I can’t get a little extra sleep. This is the first day Chief Jackson hasn’t had me out on safari hiking like I’m Doe of the Forest. And Bam-Bam is teething which you know how much fun that can be. I keep expecting Chief Delray to pop in with another inspection which is nerve-wracking. And if Nurse Gilroy adds one more supplement or ounce of water onto my dietary tracker I’m going to start sloshing and rattling with every step. Showing off? I’d love to duck and cover.”
Mickey gave me the once over and then said primly, “Fine. Just remember I was here first. My name is going to stay at the top of the list and that’s all there is to it. Got it?”
“What list?”
Rolling his eyes he pointed a fingernail now painted some weird chartreuse color at a board that had some names on it … and Mickey’s was indeed at the top.
“My name isn’t even on there. Chief Clancy doesn’t like me much. Apparently I’ve wasted my education or something like that. Are we done? I need to see if I can use the library to play catch up on some of Chief Jackson’s assignments plus I need to see if they have any books on embroidery or crocheting so I can do something for Chief Larkin.”
“Whatever. Just remember what I said and there won’t be any problems,” he said threateningly before finally letting me escape.
Breakfast was a warm cereal of some grain or other. It wasn’t oatmeal exactly, but it wasn’t bad … at least it wasn’t bad if you didn’t mind that there wasn’t any sweetening in it or flavoring of any kind. I heard a few trainees complaining that there wasn’t any sweetening or creamer for their coffee and tea either. The only Staff that responded to the complaints was Chief Jackson when he asked the trainee that had gotten up the courage to approach him if he wanted any cheese with his whine.
After large group Chief Jackson hauled the rest of us deep into the woods. The hike was brisk, but I kept up though a few times I had to jog a bit and Bam-Bam didn’t appreciate it. When we crossed a stream by going from rock to rock Quiet Guy held back to help me across. When the trail got steep, he helped me to balance as I took the larger steps than I was used to. And when we finally stopped, he understood that I needed to nurse Bam-Bam and acted as a privacy screen and wind break until I could get my jacket and shirt adjusted. And he did it all without being asked or saying a word.
Lincoln came over and asked quietly, “You gonna make it?”
Surprised I looked at her and answered, “Sure. I might feel like death warmed over tonight but hey … I was warned right? And any day I don’t have to eat a bug is a good day. But if we want to be able to hear ourselves think then Bam-Bam gets fed and changed as his majesty desires.”
Quiet Guy snorted and it made me feel good that I’d said something that he found funny … or humorous or something.
“Fine. But say something if there is a problem.”
“I will.”
While Bam-Bam ate, and Chief Jackson did his level best to ignore what was going on, we went over what had been covered in big group in more detail. The lesson had been on wild greens and how even in cold weather there was usually something like that around most of the time. In the case of that particular lesson it was chickweed. I already knew what it was because I had to help mom dig it out of her flower beds often enough, I just hadn’t known you could eat it. I learned that day that a lot of things people called “weeds” were edible. The other thing we were covering were black walnuts.
By the time we finished gathering and then breaking into a bunch of walnuts our fingers were stained brown. I found out that walnut hulls were used as a furniture stain in olden times. It was also used as a type of ink by people that couldn’t afford real, powdered inks for their quills and fountain pens back then too. That’s when Chief Jackson surprised all of us by bringing out some eggs that he’d had in his pack.
“These are duck eggs which is why they are so much larger than you are used to. I swiped them off that noisy bunch of honkers that hang out around the pond on the other side of the tool barn. How about we have a chickweed and duck egg omelet for our mid-day meal?”
Chief Jackson was just as hungry as us trainees by that point but seeing how the guys’ eyes followed the pan like they were wolves after prey I voluntarily stuck to eating the walnuts. I had to go off a-ways to change Bam-Bam but was startled when Chief Jackson followed me.
“That was a slick trick.”
“Huh?”
“Switching plates around so that no one noticed you didn’t eat.”
“I’m eating. I like nuts. They’re good for you.”
“You doing it because it was duck eggs?”
I sighed. “No Sir. If I can eat peacock eggs then duck eggs wouldn’t bother me.”
“Must have been some fancy restaurant for you to have tried peacock eggs.”
I had to laugh. “No Sir. This bag lady named Proud Mary found a nest and taught me how to fix them.”
“Hmph. Fine. So why did you give up your share?”
I finished snapping Bam-Bam back into his clothes and picked him up while making sure the guys were otherwise occupied. “I kinda get the idea that they got treated pretty bad as POWs. Trahern at least has admitted he’s been hungry and it didn’t sound like it was his idea to be that way. This food punishment isn’t doing them any good … you know with their issues. I figure this is my part helping them … like the Judge has expectations of. They’re bigger than me so they’re going to burn more calories. They don’t have as much body fat as I do either, that’s on my side too. And like I said … I like nuts.”
“You’re feeding that baby.”
“Well, I’m taking supplements – or Nurse Gilroy will know why not – and these nuts are super nutritious and are filling me up. So long as I get enough fluid there shouldn’t be any problems. Um Chief?”
“Yeah?”
“What are those little balls up in that tree over there?”
He saw what I was pointing to and smiled. “Lincoln! Markham! Come lookee what Trainee McCormick has found!”
They jogged over and then looked where I was pointing. “Persimmons!”
That was another lesson and we wound up having to lug a bunch of them back with us in these collapsible buckets that Chief Jackson had brought with him. We eventually made our own such buckets from old canvas clothes bags but that was later, this time we used his. These were sort of like back packs, or at least sacks that you could carry on your back that had a stiffened band of what felt like dress boning that would hold it open and a drawstring mouth that you could close it with when you didn’t want anything in your bucket to fall out.
Dinner was some type of bouillon with a plain acorn meal muffin. It was more than enough for me because I filled up on water and the so not-yummy supplements that Nurse Gilroy determined that I needed a second dose of until she said otherwise. The guys weren’t feeling so hot, but I kept them talking – with the help of Jan and Jen – and they made it through dinner and didn’t even run off too fast afterwards.
Jan and Jen hung back a bit and asked, “Everything going okay?”
“Chief Jackson has high expectations … but as far as a teacher goes I’ve definitely had worse. What about you two?”
“About the same with Chief Madison. But …”
“But?”
“Just keep situationally aware. There’s a few … look, just keep your eyes peeled. I don’t know where they dug up some in this bunch, but they don’t act like they’ve missed too many meals and this skinnying down the menu is starting to get to a couple of them.”
“You’re kidding. It hasn’t been but a day.”
“Like I said, some of these trainees are soft … softer than I woulda thought a program like The Farm would have.”
I shrugged. “Or they found their one weakness. I used to know kids who liked to drown their sorrows in junk food. Take away their vice of choice and they’ll have the DTs similar to a drug addict. Processed sugar might as well be a drug if you listen to some doctors. Either way, not our problem so ignore them. We’re going to graduate. We’re going to get jobs. Then we can buy our own food.”
“From your lips to Jehovah’s ears. Are … are the guys okay?”
Uh oh I thought. Looks like there was more than casual interest there. I just hoped they didn’t do anything with it … or at least didn’t get caught doing anything with it. “Out in the woods and stuff they seem fine. Large group and that sort of thing … eh, they’ve got reason to be a little different but they’re holding it together.”
“You’d … you know … clue us in if they were in trouble.”
“Sure. We’re a crew. All of us. Right?”
They relaxed and nodded before we peeled off to go our separate ways. And that’s how it went for another week. The meals were skimpy, no nighttime activities, and we continued to follow whatever our course schedule was plus extra lessons. One of the only blips in that for me was finishing up the pile of refashions at night and figuring out how to get them to Chief Larkin … I asked Chief Delray who gave me a pass to take them to the Textile Program where I met Larkin for the first time and the chief looked nothing like I expected. I kinda envisioned them to look like their namesake, a lark or maybe someone’s grandmother or auntie. Nope. First off “she” was a “he” and he reminded me of that old comedian Dom Deluise and was just as big and loud … but so was his wife. That’s when I learned some of the staff had significant others but not all of them lived and worked on The Farm.
Chief Larkin really liked the refashions I did and “gifted” me with several more items to refashion as time permitted. And told me, “If or when they are purchased at the thrift store in town, we’ll credit you with a portion of the proceeds. Grab that bag of sewing notions and odds and ends on your way out. Use what you need to for the projects. We can restock as you turn items in.”
I was glad he’d said something before I’d had to ask. I liked working on refashions but I didn’t want to use up all of my personal sewing supplies, what few I had, to do it.
The only other “blip” was during one of the half-days we spent in Academics. I was tooling along and getting assignments complete. I didn’t want to have any more to do at night than I could help since I also needed to work on the refashions. It wasn’t easy because even I was starting to feel the effects of the restricted diet. About half of the people in the room kept nodding off and we still had what amounted to PE in the afternoon to get through.
I’d reached a stopping point and got up to ask Chief Clancy if I could use the library to look up books on foraging. Before I could do so I was cornered by Mickey and Trudeau.
“Are you trying to make us look bad?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t play dumb girl. You’re showing off,” Mickey said while pointing to the lesson counter on my tablet.
“I’m not showing off. I’m just trying to get as much done as I can because I have a crapton of other homework I have to do at night and I don’t know about you but I’m going to go face first into my food tray if I can’t get a little extra sleep. This is the first day Chief Jackson hasn’t had me out on safari hiking like I’m Doe of the Forest. And Bam-Bam is teething which you know how much fun that can be. I keep expecting Chief Delray to pop in with another inspection which is nerve-wracking. And if Nurse Gilroy adds one more supplement or ounce of water onto my dietary tracker I’m going to start sloshing and rattling with every step. Showing off? I’d love to duck and cover.”
Mickey gave me the once over and then said primly, “Fine. Just remember I was here first. My name is going to stay at the top of the list and that’s all there is to it. Got it?”
“What list?”
Rolling his eyes he pointed a fingernail now painted some weird chartreuse color at a board that had some names on it … and Mickey’s was indeed at the top.
“My name isn’t even on there. Chief Clancy doesn’t like me much. Apparently I’ve wasted my education or something like that. Are we done? I need to see if I can use the library to play catch up on some of Chief Jackson’s assignments plus I need to see if they have any books on embroidery or crocheting so I can do something for Chief Larkin.”
“Whatever. Just remember what I said and there won’t be any problems,” he said threateningly before finally letting me escape.
Chapter 17 (Part 3)
The library doesn’t really have that many books, at least not the kind you can turn a physical page on. It is really a room-sized card catalog. You look up what you are searching for, collect the item number from the card(s) and then take your tablet to these kiosk things, plug them up, input the item number, and it gets downloaded to your tablet. You are also given a date that the “book” will return itself to the library. You can only check out … I mean download … so many books at a time so that makes it almost exactly like a real library.
Sort of on accident I found out I could copy the books onto the Ubernet Cube and they wouldn’t disappear like the ones on my tablet would. After discovering that nifty little feature I copied almost every book I checked out. With the ebook reader on the Cube I could search, highlight, and bookmark things and could even copy and paste from a book into a new document. That’s how I wound up with my own recipe and instruction “books”. The two I did the most with were one, a book on stitches and refashion techniques and ideas that I started even before Bam-Bam was born; and two, a book on all of the foraging information and recipes I collected from my coursework and books and articles Chief Jackson suggested we read.
One week turned into two and all of the trainees were starting to look like they’d gone through a grinder. Even a lot of the upper classmen were starting to look more than a little fried. Our small group with Chief Jackson wasn’t quite as bad but we’d made an unspoken agreement not to discuss the fact that we were eating better on the days we were out in the woods on “survival training” exercises than what everyone else was getting in the dining hall. Some of the wild foods lessons we learned were more complete lessons on persimmons, roots like Jerusalem artichoke and burdock root, stuff that would make “tea” like the wintergreen plant and sassafrass root (which I wasn’t allowed to drink because I was nursing), and how to make a kind of lemonade from red sumac drupes that I could drink and nearly did by the gallon. I also secretly saved what didn’t get used.
That second week also reminded me that the world was a dangerous place. We were out in the forest on what was supposed to be a routine trek practicing what the others called “orienteering skills” when we ran into poachers in the middle of hanging several deer carcasses in a tree.
I was standing there letting the weird thought that it looked like a Halloween Trail of blood and guts when there was a shot. Suddenly I was down and then being dragged behind a tree. And I do mean dragged. Quiet Guy kept pushing me down while running his hands over me and Bam-Bam like he was looking for something.
Dallas crawled up and tried to push Quiet Guy’s hands away and got snarled at. He asked me, “Doe hit? Or hurt?”
“Uh … no. Is that what he thinks?”
“Well tell him, get him calmed down, but be quiet and don’t give our position away. Them girls … Markham and Lincoln … got some splinters from a ricochet. Cooper is covering them while the Chief doctors them. I need Chay to give me cover.”
“Oh.” It took me patting his cheek but he finally believed Bam-Bam and I were okay and stopped shaking. He looked at Dallas and got real focused. Dallas nodded at whatever was being silently communicated. Then Quiet Guy gently pushed me to stay down and keep my head down. I nodded in obedience because it was starting to sink in that we’d been shot at and were still being shot at every little bit like they were trying to make us do something stupid like run out into the open so they could get us.
I don’t know what Quiet Guy and Dallas did, but it wasn’t long before they were dragging two men out for Chief Jackson to get a look at. One of them tried to run when the questioning started and Quiet Guy was on him so fast he only made a couple of steps. It took Dallas and Cooper both to pull him off. I later found out he was the one that had taken that first shot that came so close to Bam-Bam and I.
Chief Jackson radioed in what had happened and the Sheriff and some forestry rangers responded that they were on their way. The Chief shook his head. “What a waste.”
I looked up from where I was nursing Bam-Bam to keep him from crying himself into hiccups and they must have thought I was loopy when I asked, “A waste of what?”
Cooper’s occasional denseness worked in my favor this time because he took my question at face value and answered, “Four deer. Meat is going to ruin.”
“How come? ‘Cause there’s no refrigeration?”
“Uh uh. ‘Cause they ain’t being processed.”
“Can we process them or are they going to be taken in as evidence?”
Cooper stopped and grinned and said, “Yep. You’re a cop’s kid. You know all the right words.”
“You’re being silly. I could have learned that from watching cop shows on the Tri-V. But seriously, are we going to have to let the meat spoil or can we do it?”
Chief Jackson gave me a surprised look and asked, “You up for something like that?”
“I don’t know. I can try. Somebody will have to teach me though. What do I do first?”
And that was my first lesson in field dressing a big animal. It wasn’t pleasant but didn’t gross me out like Chief Jackson and the guys expected. Lincoln and Markham were both feeling kinda woozy, so they were excused, not to mention that Markham was an octo-pescatarian … meaning she ate fish and she also ate eggs with her veggies, just not anything else.
Cooper, as blunt in his speech as I was sometimes in mine, wanted to know, “Okay Mouth, what gives? I don’t know too many girls your age that could do something like this. Hell, I don’t know too many girls of any age willing to do this. Maybe once upon a time but now with all the Green Politics even guys look at it sideways if it comes up. You on the other hand look like Pokey-hontas with that kid slung up on your back like that and that big ass butcher knife the Chief gave you to use.”
“Don’t be rude,” I told him without any heat since I had kinda figured out he and I shared the same occasionally thoughtless mouth without meaning to. “And if I look like a Native American maybe it is because I swiped the idea of how to carry Bam-Bam around from an old lady Street Person who claimed to be three-quarter Seminole. As for this, blood and guts doesn’t bother me. I’ve seen too much of my own insides to freak. I’ve also done lots of dissections and stuff like that for school. Plus … I’m a carnivore. Mom and Dad said that since I was going to eat, I needed to know where my food came from so I could make good choices. Farm to store to table. So … yeah … this. I’ve never eaten venison, but I know it happens. I’ve eaten squirrel and stuff though.”
“You have?”
“Street people gotta eat too. And it doesn’t come from some haute cuisine restaurant; and a lot of the time it doesn’t even come out of a can or box. Mr. JR used to catch squirrels and add them to the communal soup pot we kept going in the homeless encampment. He also brought back snake a couple of times … that was a little freaky ‘cause I hate those nasty things. They just aren’t natural, wiggling around on their belly, and licking the air with their tongue. Ick. I ate an iquana but I’d rather not again if you don’t mind; it still looked too much like what it had been. But I was really hungry so who knows what I’ll do to feed Bam-Bam and what I won’t. We ate peacock eggs and turtle eggs too. I heard that people were eating cat and dog on the other side of the camp but just no, uh uh. There are some things that … well, just no. When … when Dad was still around, we’d eat gator a couple of times a year. On a family vacation I had chili made with buffalo and a friend of Mom’s had an ostrich and emu farm so I’ve had that too.” Looking up I shook my head and told them all, “Stop looking at me like I have three heads. I’m not making this up. I have what you might call … um … eclectic tastes.”
Cooper said, “I don’t know what the others might call it, but I might call it crazy.”
That’s when Dallas said, “Aw that’s nothing. When I was overseas the guys would all dare each other to eat the bat shit craziest stuff. Stuff most people don’t even think of as food.”
“Like what?” I asked more than a little curious.
“Let’s see … I ate bird nest soup in China, fried tarantulas in Cambodia and I drank snake wine in Vietnam.” At my shudder he laughed and described how a snake carcass was in a bottle with what he called hooch and then you drank it. That’s just plain nasty. He had fun grossing me out more by saying, “Then there were these giant, deep fried Scorpions; tasted a little bit like crab if you want to know the truth. There were the silk worms in Thailand … and then I’ve eaten a few of them little worms in the bottom of a tequila bottle too.” He finished the list with a snicker at my reaction.
I shook my head. “And y’all thought I was strange.”
Markham asked the question so I didn’t have to. “You aren’t that old. How did you visit all of those places while you were in the service and saw combat too?”
“Started out as a guard in the diplomatic corp and we travelled all over hell and back. When the convoy I was in got hit hard we were pulled out by Cooper’s team but missed the evac point. We holed up at a former insurgent camp and managed to liberate some POWs. Two weeks later we’re in the thick of it again and Cooper and I both … took some hits. Trahern pulled himself together long enough to give our guys cover as we got carried out. The three of us have been together since. But let’s not go over all of that, it’s in the past and gonna stay there. We’re here now and intend on moving forward. Ain’t that right.” The three of them gave each other some weird fist bump though Quiet Guy seemed otherwise focused, like his brain was trying to be three places at once.
Sheriff finally arrived as did the forestry guys. They didn’t really say anything about the deer carcasses because they were too busy building a case against the two poachers who were already on probation for growing pot without a license. Ranger shook his head and said, “The damn stuff is legal in all fifty and most of the territories and people would still rather break the law than buy a cheap license to grow it so it can go to market stamped and legal.”
Chief Jackson replied, “If people won’t get a license to drive what makes you think they’re going to license their gardens?”
“Not the same thing.”
“If you say so. You got what you need? I need to get the trainees back to The Farm.”
Bam-Bam picked that moment to start a fuss. “Is that girl carrying a … a baby?!”
I wanted to say something snarky, but didn’t though they couldn’t have been listening the first time around when I explained what had happened for their recorded deposition thing. We were finally allowed to return to the dorms but only after we packed out the deer meat and hung it in the cooler behind Chief Jackson’s office.
I looked at my clothes and headed straight for the showers before someone thought I was the victim of some kind of serial killer … or was the serial killer myself.
[1] Whole Acorn Recipes
The library doesn’t really have that many books, at least not the kind you can turn a physical page on. It is really a room-sized card catalog. You look up what you are searching for, collect the item number from the card(s) and then take your tablet to these kiosk things, plug them up, input the item number, and it gets downloaded to your tablet. You are also given a date that the “book” will return itself to the library. You can only check out … I mean download … so many books at a time so that makes it almost exactly like a real library.
Sort of on accident I found out I could copy the books onto the Ubernet Cube and they wouldn’t disappear like the ones on my tablet would. After discovering that nifty little feature I copied almost every book I checked out. With the ebook reader on the Cube I could search, highlight, and bookmark things and could even copy and paste from a book into a new document. That’s how I wound up with my own recipe and instruction “books”. The two I did the most with were one, a book on stitches and refashion techniques and ideas that I started even before Bam-Bam was born; and two, a book on all of the foraging information and recipes I collected from my coursework and books and articles Chief Jackson suggested we read.
One week turned into two and all of the trainees were starting to look like they’d gone through a grinder. Even a lot of the upper classmen were starting to look more than a little fried. Our small group with Chief Jackson wasn’t quite as bad but we’d made an unspoken agreement not to discuss the fact that we were eating better on the days we were out in the woods on “survival training” exercises than what everyone else was getting in the dining hall. Some of the wild foods lessons we learned were more complete lessons on persimmons, roots like Jerusalem artichoke and burdock root, stuff that would make “tea” like the wintergreen plant and sassafrass root (which I wasn’t allowed to drink because I was nursing), and how to make a kind of lemonade from red sumac drupes that I could drink and nearly did by the gallon. I also secretly saved what didn’t get used.
That second week also reminded me that the world was a dangerous place. We were out in the forest on what was supposed to be a routine trek practicing what the others called “orienteering skills” when we ran into poachers in the middle of hanging several deer carcasses in a tree.
I was standing there letting the weird thought that it looked like a Halloween Trail of blood and guts when there was a shot. Suddenly I was down and then being dragged behind a tree. And I do mean dragged. Quiet Guy kept pushing me down while running his hands over me and Bam-Bam like he was looking for something.
Dallas crawled up and tried to push Quiet Guy’s hands away and got snarled at. He asked me, “Doe hit? Or hurt?”
“Uh … no. Is that what he thinks?”
“Well tell him, get him calmed down, but be quiet and don’t give our position away. Them girls … Markham and Lincoln … got some splinters from a ricochet. Cooper is covering them while the Chief doctors them. I need Chay to give me cover.”
“Oh.” It took me patting his cheek but he finally believed Bam-Bam and I were okay and stopped shaking. He looked at Dallas and got real focused. Dallas nodded at whatever was being silently communicated. Then Quiet Guy gently pushed me to stay down and keep my head down. I nodded in obedience because it was starting to sink in that we’d been shot at and were still being shot at every little bit like they were trying to make us do something stupid like run out into the open so they could get us.
I don’t know what Quiet Guy and Dallas did, but it wasn’t long before they were dragging two men out for Chief Jackson to get a look at. One of them tried to run when the questioning started and Quiet Guy was on him so fast he only made a couple of steps. It took Dallas and Cooper both to pull him off. I later found out he was the one that had taken that first shot that came so close to Bam-Bam and I.
Chief Jackson radioed in what had happened and the Sheriff and some forestry rangers responded that they were on their way. The Chief shook his head. “What a waste.”
I looked up from where I was nursing Bam-Bam to keep him from crying himself into hiccups and they must have thought I was loopy when I asked, “A waste of what?”
Cooper’s occasional denseness worked in my favor this time because he took my question at face value and answered, “Four deer. Meat is going to ruin.”
“How come? ‘Cause there’s no refrigeration?”
“Uh uh. ‘Cause they ain’t being processed.”
“Can we process them or are they going to be taken in as evidence?”
Cooper stopped and grinned and said, “Yep. You’re a cop’s kid. You know all the right words.”
“You’re being silly. I could have learned that from watching cop shows on the Tri-V. But seriously, are we going to have to let the meat spoil or can we do it?”
Chief Jackson gave me a surprised look and asked, “You up for something like that?”
“I don’t know. I can try. Somebody will have to teach me though. What do I do first?”
And that was my first lesson in field dressing a big animal. It wasn’t pleasant but didn’t gross me out like Chief Jackson and the guys expected. Lincoln and Markham were both feeling kinda woozy, so they were excused, not to mention that Markham was an octo-pescatarian … meaning she ate fish and she also ate eggs with her veggies, just not anything else.
Cooper, as blunt in his speech as I was sometimes in mine, wanted to know, “Okay Mouth, what gives? I don’t know too many girls your age that could do something like this. Hell, I don’t know too many girls of any age willing to do this. Maybe once upon a time but now with all the Green Politics even guys look at it sideways if it comes up. You on the other hand look like Pokey-hontas with that kid slung up on your back like that and that big ass butcher knife the Chief gave you to use.”
“Don’t be rude,” I told him without any heat since I had kinda figured out he and I shared the same occasionally thoughtless mouth without meaning to. “And if I look like a Native American maybe it is because I swiped the idea of how to carry Bam-Bam around from an old lady Street Person who claimed to be three-quarter Seminole. As for this, blood and guts doesn’t bother me. I’ve seen too much of my own insides to freak. I’ve also done lots of dissections and stuff like that for school. Plus … I’m a carnivore. Mom and Dad said that since I was going to eat, I needed to know where my food came from so I could make good choices. Farm to store to table. So … yeah … this. I’ve never eaten venison, but I know it happens. I’ve eaten squirrel and stuff though.”
“You have?”
“Street people gotta eat too. And it doesn’t come from some haute cuisine restaurant; and a lot of the time it doesn’t even come out of a can or box. Mr. JR used to catch squirrels and add them to the communal soup pot we kept going in the homeless encampment. He also brought back snake a couple of times … that was a little freaky ‘cause I hate those nasty things. They just aren’t natural, wiggling around on their belly, and licking the air with their tongue. Ick. I ate an iquana but I’d rather not again if you don’t mind; it still looked too much like what it had been. But I was really hungry so who knows what I’ll do to feed Bam-Bam and what I won’t. We ate peacock eggs and turtle eggs too. I heard that people were eating cat and dog on the other side of the camp but just no, uh uh. There are some things that … well, just no. When … when Dad was still around, we’d eat gator a couple of times a year. On a family vacation I had chili made with buffalo and a friend of Mom’s had an ostrich and emu farm so I’ve had that too.” Looking up I shook my head and told them all, “Stop looking at me like I have three heads. I’m not making this up. I have what you might call … um … eclectic tastes.”
Cooper said, “I don’t know what the others might call it, but I might call it crazy.”
That’s when Dallas said, “Aw that’s nothing. When I was overseas the guys would all dare each other to eat the bat shit craziest stuff. Stuff most people don’t even think of as food.”
“Like what?” I asked more than a little curious.
“Let’s see … I ate bird nest soup in China, fried tarantulas in Cambodia and I drank snake wine in Vietnam.” At my shudder he laughed and described how a snake carcass was in a bottle with what he called hooch and then you drank it. That’s just plain nasty. He had fun grossing me out more by saying, “Then there were these giant, deep fried Scorpions; tasted a little bit like crab if you want to know the truth. There were the silk worms in Thailand … and then I’ve eaten a few of them little worms in the bottom of a tequila bottle too.” He finished the list with a snicker at my reaction.
I shook my head. “And y’all thought I was strange.”
Markham asked the question so I didn’t have to. “You aren’t that old. How did you visit all of those places while you were in the service and saw combat too?”
“Started out as a guard in the diplomatic corp and we travelled all over hell and back. When the convoy I was in got hit hard we were pulled out by Cooper’s team but missed the evac point. We holed up at a former insurgent camp and managed to liberate some POWs. Two weeks later we’re in the thick of it again and Cooper and I both … took some hits. Trahern pulled himself together long enough to give our guys cover as we got carried out. The three of us have been together since. But let’s not go over all of that, it’s in the past and gonna stay there. We’re here now and intend on moving forward. Ain’t that right.” The three of them gave each other some weird fist bump though Quiet Guy seemed otherwise focused, like his brain was trying to be three places at once.
Sheriff finally arrived as did the forestry guys. They didn’t really say anything about the deer carcasses because they were too busy building a case against the two poachers who were already on probation for growing pot without a license. Ranger shook his head and said, “The damn stuff is legal in all fifty and most of the territories and people would still rather break the law than buy a cheap license to grow it so it can go to market stamped and legal.”
Chief Jackson replied, “If people won’t get a license to drive what makes you think they’re going to license their gardens?”
“Not the same thing.”
“If you say so. You got what you need? I need to get the trainees back to The Farm.”
Bam-Bam picked that moment to start a fuss. “Is that girl carrying a … a baby?!”
I wanted to say something snarky, but didn’t though they couldn’t have been listening the first time around when I explained what had happened for their recorded deposition thing. We were finally allowed to return to the dorms but only after we packed out the deer meat and hung it in the cooler behind Chief Jackson’s office.
I looked at my clothes and headed straight for the showers before someone thought I was the victim of some kind of serial killer … or was the serial killer myself.
[1] Whole Acorn Recipes
CHAPTER 18 (Part 1)
Just my luck that the only two people I saw on the way back to my room were Trudeau and Mitch.
I knew I was not going to like it when Trudeau got one of those fake horrified looks on his face and shouted, “Girl?!! Did you have your period or something?!” Even Mitch looked like s/he wanted to punch Trudeau.
Trying to take the wind out of their sails I said, “Nope. Just couldn’t keep my urges under control and now I need to find a laundromat to get rid of the evidence.”
Trudeau actually backed up a few steps from me in surprise, like he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not. I rolled my eyes and addressed my question to Mitch. “Look I hate to bother you or hold you up if you are on your way some place, but no one ever explained the laundry procedure to me … or I missed it in the ‘welcome to the asylum’ packet. I’ve been rinsing things out, but this is beyond a rinse. Um … could you …?”
Mitch’s lips twitched like he was trying not to grin and then said, “You’ll need to go see Chief Delray. She’s the keeper of the keys to the room of washers and dryers.”
“Thanks,” I said hurrying that direction instead of staying to answer Trudeau’s obvious willingness to ask questions. I caught her coming out and heading towards where Staff get to eat.
“Um … excuse me. Chief Delray? I hate to bother you but do you have like office hours or something so I can make a request?”
Mildly irritated she responded, “Just spit it out Trainee since you’ve already interrupted.”
“Yes ma’am. Training got more than a little messy today. I need to get these washed or set them to soak.”
She got a look and then did a double take. “What the …? Was someone hurt?”
“No ma’am. At least not on our side. I’m sure that Chief Jackson is going to make a report or whatever you all have to do when there is an incident. We ran into poachers. This is animal blood, not human.”
She relaxed but only slightly. “This way.”
I had to hustle to keep up with her as we exited the dorms and then headed over one building to what I thought was a barn. She unlocked the door and then towed me over to a sink. “Set them to soak and tonight you may come back and finish the job. You’ll have to stay with your things so bring something constructive to do with you. Here’s the key. Turn it in by putting it in the slot next to my office door. I’ll check before lights out and it better be there and there better not be a mess left here. Understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Very good. Now do what I said and don’t be late to dinner.”
“Yes ma’am,” I repeated as I put my uniform pieces in a sink of cold water and some oxygen cleaner that I was praying prevented any staining that I’d have to pay for. Lucky for my jacket I’d taken it off after watching Dallas take his off. I had hoped the plastic rain poncho would have protected the rest of my clothes; it could have been a lot worse, but it was bad enough. My boots and the bottom of my pants took the biggest splashes. The boots were dark suede and water proofed so I would just need to clean and re-waterproof them, but I could do that while the uniform was washing. There was actually more red clay mud mixed with the wet blood splatters making things look worse than they were. I was to learn however that red clay could also stain things.
I was through the dinner line and looking for a place to sit when I was beckoned over to a long table by Chief Jackson.
I walked over, tray in hand and said, “Yes Sir?”
“You really plan on eating that? Stomach feeling okay?”
I looked at my tray and then at him in confusion. “Er … yes Sir. I’m hungry. We worked a lot today.” My stomach picked that moment to growl menacingly at the delay in giving it what it wanted and I wanted to sink into the floor.
The Chief snorted then smiled as another man there sighed and handed him what looked like several poker chips. “Go eat Trainee. Trahern looks like he’s going to eat me if you don’t get over there.”
I glanced the direction he pointed and then blanched. “Oh for … I gotta get them to lighten up on the ‘little sister’ thing or I swear I’m going to have to dump them some place. I am not two freaking years old. I’m not their doggone mascot either. Next thing you know they’ll want to string a bell around my neck for just in case.”
That made Chief Jackson grin even bigger. “Hmmm. Maybe they’re afraid you’ll get lost in the woods.”
“Fat chance of that. I’ve never been lost in my life. I might not know where I’m at exactly, but I’ve never been lost.”
“Oh ho … and there’s a difference?”
“Yes Sir. I may have gotten the big ol’ stinky for a lot of things in my life but I’ve also got a couple of natural talents and one of them is being able to tell the cardinal directions, even in the dark. My camp name in Scouts was Compass.”
“That’s pretty big talk.”
I looked at him and then grinned. “Want me to lose ‘em in the woods for you?” Then I shook my head and got serious and retracted my offer. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have said that. They don’t need that kind of mean prank. It’ll mess them up. I’ll get them off my back some other way.”
He nodded then shooed me on my way. I was half way to my destination when I had to do some fancy dancing to avoid taking a fall. I looked to see what I’d almost tripped over but nothing was obvious. I even checked my boot laces but they were still double-knotted just like when I’d changed. I heard a couple of snickers and put two and two together.
I said quietly so only those near could hear as I faked retying my boot, “I hope no one is a big enough knot head to try this kind of stupid again or I won’t cover for them. We’ve had too many expelled from The Farm already. Keep this up and someone might start thinking that one or more people are out to create issues not just for Trainees but for The Farm and its success rate. If the Board has to come in and ‘figure things out’ people are going to start talking about who asked them to do what … and from there things could get really nasty and heads will roll … the local cops have already gotten involved in some of it and I know there are some three-strikers so don’t get used to take the fall.”
Done looking like a clown doing a version of the shuffle dance I finally moved forward only to wind up with my face nearly in Quiet Guy’s chest. “Back up and give a girl some room will ya?”
Just my luck that the only two people I saw on the way back to my room were Trudeau and Mitch.
I knew I was not going to like it when Trudeau got one of those fake horrified looks on his face and shouted, “Girl?!! Did you have your period or something?!” Even Mitch looked like s/he wanted to punch Trudeau.
Trying to take the wind out of their sails I said, “Nope. Just couldn’t keep my urges under control and now I need to find a laundromat to get rid of the evidence.”
Trudeau actually backed up a few steps from me in surprise, like he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not. I rolled my eyes and addressed my question to Mitch. “Look I hate to bother you or hold you up if you are on your way some place, but no one ever explained the laundry procedure to me … or I missed it in the ‘welcome to the asylum’ packet. I’ve been rinsing things out, but this is beyond a rinse. Um … could you …?”
Mitch’s lips twitched like he was trying not to grin and then said, “You’ll need to go see Chief Delray. She’s the keeper of the keys to the room of washers and dryers.”
“Thanks,” I said hurrying that direction instead of staying to answer Trudeau’s obvious willingness to ask questions. I caught her coming out and heading towards where Staff get to eat.
“Um … excuse me. Chief Delray? I hate to bother you but do you have like office hours or something so I can make a request?”
Mildly irritated she responded, “Just spit it out Trainee since you’ve already interrupted.”
“Yes ma’am. Training got more than a little messy today. I need to get these washed or set them to soak.”
She got a look and then did a double take. “What the …? Was someone hurt?”
“No ma’am. At least not on our side. I’m sure that Chief Jackson is going to make a report or whatever you all have to do when there is an incident. We ran into poachers. This is animal blood, not human.”
She relaxed but only slightly. “This way.”
I had to hustle to keep up with her as we exited the dorms and then headed over one building to what I thought was a barn. She unlocked the door and then towed me over to a sink. “Set them to soak and tonight you may come back and finish the job. You’ll have to stay with your things so bring something constructive to do with you. Here’s the key. Turn it in by putting it in the slot next to my office door. I’ll check before lights out and it better be there and there better not be a mess left here. Understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Very good. Now do what I said and don’t be late to dinner.”
“Yes ma’am,” I repeated as I put my uniform pieces in a sink of cold water and some oxygen cleaner that I was praying prevented any staining that I’d have to pay for. Lucky for my jacket I’d taken it off after watching Dallas take his off. I had hoped the plastic rain poncho would have protected the rest of my clothes; it could have been a lot worse, but it was bad enough. My boots and the bottom of my pants took the biggest splashes. The boots were dark suede and water proofed so I would just need to clean and re-waterproof them, but I could do that while the uniform was washing. There was actually more red clay mud mixed with the wet blood splatters making things look worse than they were. I was to learn however that red clay could also stain things.
I was through the dinner line and looking for a place to sit when I was beckoned over to a long table by Chief Jackson.
I walked over, tray in hand and said, “Yes Sir?”
“You really plan on eating that? Stomach feeling okay?”
I looked at my tray and then at him in confusion. “Er … yes Sir. I’m hungry. We worked a lot today.” My stomach picked that moment to growl menacingly at the delay in giving it what it wanted and I wanted to sink into the floor.
The Chief snorted then smiled as another man there sighed and handed him what looked like several poker chips. “Go eat Trainee. Trahern looks like he’s going to eat me if you don’t get over there.”
I glanced the direction he pointed and then blanched. “Oh for … I gotta get them to lighten up on the ‘little sister’ thing or I swear I’m going to have to dump them some place. I am not two freaking years old. I’m not their doggone mascot either. Next thing you know they’ll want to string a bell around my neck for just in case.”
That made Chief Jackson grin even bigger. “Hmmm. Maybe they’re afraid you’ll get lost in the woods.”
“Fat chance of that. I’ve never been lost in my life. I might not know where I’m at exactly, but I’ve never been lost.”
“Oh ho … and there’s a difference?”
“Yes Sir. I may have gotten the big ol’ stinky for a lot of things in my life but I’ve also got a couple of natural talents and one of them is being able to tell the cardinal directions, even in the dark. My camp name in Scouts was Compass.”
“That’s pretty big talk.”
I looked at him and then grinned. “Want me to lose ‘em in the woods for you?” Then I shook my head and got serious and retracted my offer. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have said that. They don’t need that kind of mean prank. It’ll mess them up. I’ll get them off my back some other way.”
He nodded then shooed me on my way. I was half way to my destination when I had to do some fancy dancing to avoid taking a fall. I looked to see what I’d almost tripped over but nothing was obvious. I even checked my boot laces but they were still double-knotted just like when I’d changed. I heard a couple of snickers and put two and two together.
I said quietly so only those near could hear as I faked retying my boot, “I hope no one is a big enough knot head to try this kind of stupid again or I won’t cover for them. We’ve had too many expelled from The Farm already. Keep this up and someone might start thinking that one or more people are out to create issues not just for Trainees but for The Farm and its success rate. If the Board has to come in and ‘figure things out’ people are going to start talking about who asked them to do what … and from there things could get really nasty and heads will roll … the local cops have already gotten involved in some of it and I know there are some three-strikers so don’t get used to take the fall.”
Done looking like a clown doing a version of the shuffle dance I finally moved forward only to wind up with my face nearly in Quiet Guy’s chest. “Back up and give a girl some room will ya?”
Chapter 18 (Part 3)
He just grunted while giving the squinty eye to a couple of people who were staring. Jan said, “You drop the kid’s pacifier or something? What were you looking for? We want to eat.”
“So eat. I’m not stopping you,” I said ignoring her other questions and getting a squinty look from her. She caught the look I gave her from under my lashes as I led the way over to the space our group had taken.
We all sat with me not giving them a hassle because they put me with Quiet Guy on one side and Dallas on the other like camou-colored bookends. Everyone finally dug in to the first good meal they’d fixed in the dining hall in two weeks, me included. I thought I was going to avoid the twenty-questions they wanted to sling at me when I heard a quiet, gravely question.
“Who?”
Deciding not to play stupid I kept eating but when I could park a roll in front of my face I answered in a whisper, “Not sure, but they’ll probably have some blood and clay crap smear on the pants of the leg they used to try and trip me. I haven’t had a chance to clean my boots yet.”
Dallas spooned creamed corn into his mouth and said, “They really got it in for you.”
I crunched on some carrot sticks and said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
Quiet Guy just grunted which I took as a question. “Look at it this way, I’m not the one getting thrown out. And last semester was pretty bad for washouts from what I heard; not ‘cause the work wasn’t done, but because rules got broken. The washouts this time are looking to be for the same thing … rule breaking, not academic or testing. So, big picture you gotta wonder … who gets hurt the worst if a lot of washouts happen.”
Nothing else was said because Nurse Gilroy started going over people in our area and then lit into us with our nightly review of our nutrition breakdown. When she was finished Chief Madison took her place. “You bunch need to take any dirty uniforms to Human Resources so you can be issued clean supplies. And before you say anything, I know it isn’t your laundry day; this will give them the chance to salvage what they can from the uniform pieces. McCormick … you need to see Chief Delray, she’ll explain the procedure for your belongings.”
Wiping my mouth where Bam-Bam had taken a swipe at some pudding I had been trying to eat I told her, “I already did. Stuff is soaking. I go after dinner to finish it up in that big barn shed thingie place … whatever it is … the one with the commercial washers and dryers in it. I clean up any mess I make and turn in the key to her before lights out.”
“Who explained that to you?”
I looked up at her and didn’t get why she was asking. “Huh? I mean, I asked another Trainee who told me to talk to Chief Delray and Chief Delray told me how she wanted it done.”
“Why?”
“Er … why?” I asked back at her still confused.
“Yes Trainee … why did you ask.”
Thinking some people must be low on oxygen or something I answered, “Because I didn’t know. And I don’t want to be on the hook for messing up my uniform if it can be helped. Plus, I have some stuff of Bam-Bam’s that needs more than a rinse.”
“So you asked.”
I was getting a little worried but then she grinned and said, “Very good Trainee. Your motivation may have had self-preservation as its center, but it was still taking personal responsibility for the items you’ve been issued. Carry on.”
The guys were useless so I looked at Jan and Jen and asked, “Can you explain what just happened? Otherwise I’m thinking the air is a lot thinner around here than it is back home.”
They chuckled and said, “Basic Parental Unit 101 … you asked how to do a chore before anyone had to stand over you with a stick to make you do it.”
Feeling testy I grumbled, “I don’t have parental units anymore and don’t want new ones … and even if I did, it wouldn’t be them. I’m the parental unit now. They act like I don’t have any sense.”
“Don’t get sensitive. Some people just want to help.”
“Aw gawd,” I grumbled completely disgusted. “I’ve fallen into do-gooder central and I can’t get out.”
The others at the table grinned at my expense and then started laughing when Bam-Bam pooted his opinion on his most recent meal and life in general. Quiet Guy might have been quieter than the others, but he was still grinning a real grin and snickering and that is the only reason I didn’t act offended by their lack of respect for my feelings on the subject. He always looked like he was carrying a big heavy bag of nasty around on his back, it was nice to see him put it down long enough to smile a real smile even if it was at my expense.
We all finished about the same time and since night time activities were still toggled in the off position we were supposed to go back to our rooms, but I had a date with a washer and dryer. Just to be on the safe side as I walked by the Staff table I asked Chief Jackson, “I have the key from Chief Delray to get my laundry done but with night time activities restricted am I supposed to get a written pass or monitor or something like that before I go do it?”
Chief Larkin came up behind me and told Chief Jackson, “I have some third semester students that I have to meet with, I’ll just move the meeting location.”
Chief Jackson looked relieved. “I’ll owe you. Got reports out the ass that I need to finish, and I don’t have time for babysitting.”
Yes. It took a lot for me to bite my tongue over that one but when Chief Jackson looked at me with a grin, I realized he’d been pushing my buttons on purpose. I’m glad I didn’t give him the satisfaction of mouthing off.
Chief Larkin said, “Hurry along and I’ll let Delray know the plan. Meet up on the porch outside the east door of the dorms.”
“Yes Sir,” I said hurrying away to grab the rest of what I wanted out of my room and that included an extra blanket for Bam-Bam as with the sun going down it was cooling off and the shed wasn’t heated. I also grabbed the pieces that I’d finished for Chief Larkin as well as some of the others to work on and my sewing bag.
When I got there Chief Larkin said, “That is a lot of laundry.”
“Not all of this is laundry. I need to put the finishing touches on a couple of things and press a couple of pieces. They have ironing and steaming tables beside the big dryers.”
I was in the middle of putting the loads to wash – and wasn’t it nice to be able to run multiple machines and get it all done in the same time without going broke from the cost of the machine tokens – when Chief Larkin walked over and said, “I’ll be over in a minute to check your progress.”
A “minute” turned into fifteen and I was pressing the dress that I made out of two business shirts that’d had badly frayed cuffs and collar and been about 20 years out of date, though of good quality when it was in style. I was fussing with the darts I’d put in to make it more fitted when someone said, “I … wait … yeah … I remember that material. I threw it in the rag bag because it couldn’t be repaired.”
“The shirts weren’t repairable,” I agreed. “And can you see any guys honestly wanting to wear this pattern into the office? And this color? Geez. Better for it to be refashioned into something useful. I saw a dress like this on TriV right before the storm,” I added absently trying to speak and steam at the same time without losing a finger while I did. “They say this spring is going to be really retro and modified hi-low swingy things like this dress are gonna be in.”
Chief Larkin had come over and “hmmm’d” before saying, “Penner, see what you can find on that idea tomorrow.” To me he asked, “Do you use a pattern or cut free-hand?”
“Depends,” I answered finishing the last tuck. “A lot of the time I’m having to work around damaged areas or piece things together to get enough of something. If I don’t I have to adjust seams, hems, sleeve lengths, you name it. I can’t spend a lot of money so each refashion has to support itself or be pieced out with leftovers from other refashions. I reuse lace, elastic, waistbands, boning, anything that is salvageable. But I don’t have a lot of room either so what comes in has to go out fairly quickly. For instance … I made a headband and faux cuffs to go with the skirt over there but I need some heavy-duty starch to finish off the cuffs to make them stand right. I had a couple of extra buttons from the two shirts so they could be detailed and used as earrings or glued to some kind of hair doodad.”
The washer buzzer went off and I turned, and then nearly freaked out. “What are you doing here?!” Then after getting a look at his face I wished I hadn’t snapped.
“Uh … Trahern?”
He shrugged and I realized he wouldn’t talk with the others around so I leaned down where he was sitting beside Bam-Bam’s carrier rocking it gently. “Sorry I sounded snarky,” I said quietly. “You just startled me. I didn’t hear you come in. If you want to … you know … sit and … sit there I’m okay with it so long as I’m not causing problems.”
He slowly looked me in the eye which I thought was a good thing and gravel-whispered, “Some kid … having … an episode. Too much like … like …” Then he shuddered.
“Oh sure. The wind the other day … while we were hiking to that spring. It was freaking me a little. That’s why you kept having to hop not to trip over me. I guess I was crowding you some.”
“’S okay. So … sit here?”
“Sure. Hey, at least you’ve found something that calms the willies. Better than being alone. Right?”
He looked and then slowly nodded. I stood back up and went back to move the stuff from the washer to the dryer and nothing else was said. About thirty minutes later I saw Chief Jackson stick his head in, look around, and then beckon Chief Larkin over. I’m not sure what was said but neither man gave any instructions for things to change. An hour after that Bam-Bam’s and my laundry was finished and folded, I’d done everything I could on the refashions, and I was finished cleaning up. Luckily Chief Larkin and his group of Trainees were also finished and the Chief gave the place a good going over, made sure that I’d put the pressing machine back the way I’d found it, and then got us all out and checked that I’d locked things down properly.
“Trainee Trahern, make sure and check in with the dorm monitor and let him know you are back. And please escort Trainee McCormick back to Chief Delray’s office so she can turn the key in.”
Quiet Guy surprised me when he stood straight and strangled out a “Sir, yes Sir.”
“Easy Lad. I was never an officer, strictly NCO since I never completed my ROTC before getting drafted.”
Quiet Guy still insisted on paying the man some respect and it appeared to be appreciated. Chief Larkin’s other trainees followed us back to the dorm building and we split up, Quiet Guy only leaving after he saw me put the key in the slot as directed. Then he pointed at me and at the hall I needed to go down.
“I’m going, I’m going,” I told him in mock huffiness. I didn’t appreciate him whapping me on the head with his hat, but I’d seen other guys to it to people they were joshing so I knew he was just playing and that let me know that he’d calmed down.
He just grunted while giving the squinty eye to a couple of people who were staring. Jan said, “You drop the kid’s pacifier or something? What were you looking for? We want to eat.”
“So eat. I’m not stopping you,” I said ignoring her other questions and getting a squinty look from her. She caught the look I gave her from under my lashes as I led the way over to the space our group had taken.
We all sat with me not giving them a hassle because they put me with Quiet Guy on one side and Dallas on the other like camou-colored bookends. Everyone finally dug in to the first good meal they’d fixed in the dining hall in two weeks, me included. I thought I was going to avoid the twenty-questions they wanted to sling at me when I heard a quiet, gravely question.
“Who?”
Deciding not to play stupid I kept eating but when I could park a roll in front of my face I answered in a whisper, “Not sure, but they’ll probably have some blood and clay crap smear on the pants of the leg they used to try and trip me. I haven’t had a chance to clean my boots yet.”
Dallas spooned creamed corn into his mouth and said, “They really got it in for you.”
I crunched on some carrot sticks and said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
Quiet Guy just grunted which I took as a question. “Look at it this way, I’m not the one getting thrown out. And last semester was pretty bad for washouts from what I heard; not ‘cause the work wasn’t done, but because rules got broken. The washouts this time are looking to be for the same thing … rule breaking, not academic or testing. So, big picture you gotta wonder … who gets hurt the worst if a lot of washouts happen.”
Nothing else was said because Nurse Gilroy started going over people in our area and then lit into us with our nightly review of our nutrition breakdown. When she was finished Chief Madison took her place. “You bunch need to take any dirty uniforms to Human Resources so you can be issued clean supplies. And before you say anything, I know it isn’t your laundry day; this will give them the chance to salvage what they can from the uniform pieces. McCormick … you need to see Chief Delray, she’ll explain the procedure for your belongings.”
Wiping my mouth where Bam-Bam had taken a swipe at some pudding I had been trying to eat I told her, “I already did. Stuff is soaking. I go after dinner to finish it up in that big barn shed thingie place … whatever it is … the one with the commercial washers and dryers in it. I clean up any mess I make and turn in the key to her before lights out.”
“Who explained that to you?”
I looked up at her and didn’t get why she was asking. “Huh? I mean, I asked another Trainee who told me to talk to Chief Delray and Chief Delray told me how she wanted it done.”
“Why?”
“Er … why?” I asked back at her still confused.
“Yes Trainee … why did you ask.”
Thinking some people must be low on oxygen or something I answered, “Because I didn’t know. And I don’t want to be on the hook for messing up my uniform if it can be helped. Plus, I have some stuff of Bam-Bam’s that needs more than a rinse.”
“So you asked.”
I was getting a little worried but then she grinned and said, “Very good Trainee. Your motivation may have had self-preservation as its center, but it was still taking personal responsibility for the items you’ve been issued. Carry on.”
The guys were useless so I looked at Jan and Jen and asked, “Can you explain what just happened? Otherwise I’m thinking the air is a lot thinner around here than it is back home.”
They chuckled and said, “Basic Parental Unit 101 … you asked how to do a chore before anyone had to stand over you with a stick to make you do it.”
Feeling testy I grumbled, “I don’t have parental units anymore and don’t want new ones … and even if I did, it wouldn’t be them. I’m the parental unit now. They act like I don’t have any sense.”
“Don’t get sensitive. Some people just want to help.”
“Aw gawd,” I grumbled completely disgusted. “I’ve fallen into do-gooder central and I can’t get out.”
The others at the table grinned at my expense and then started laughing when Bam-Bam pooted his opinion on his most recent meal and life in general. Quiet Guy might have been quieter than the others, but he was still grinning a real grin and snickering and that is the only reason I didn’t act offended by their lack of respect for my feelings on the subject. He always looked like he was carrying a big heavy bag of nasty around on his back, it was nice to see him put it down long enough to smile a real smile even if it was at my expense.
We all finished about the same time and since night time activities were still toggled in the off position we were supposed to go back to our rooms, but I had a date with a washer and dryer. Just to be on the safe side as I walked by the Staff table I asked Chief Jackson, “I have the key from Chief Delray to get my laundry done but with night time activities restricted am I supposed to get a written pass or monitor or something like that before I go do it?”
Chief Larkin came up behind me and told Chief Jackson, “I have some third semester students that I have to meet with, I’ll just move the meeting location.”
Chief Jackson looked relieved. “I’ll owe you. Got reports out the ass that I need to finish, and I don’t have time for babysitting.”
Yes. It took a lot for me to bite my tongue over that one but when Chief Jackson looked at me with a grin, I realized he’d been pushing my buttons on purpose. I’m glad I didn’t give him the satisfaction of mouthing off.
Chief Larkin said, “Hurry along and I’ll let Delray know the plan. Meet up on the porch outside the east door of the dorms.”
“Yes Sir,” I said hurrying away to grab the rest of what I wanted out of my room and that included an extra blanket for Bam-Bam as with the sun going down it was cooling off and the shed wasn’t heated. I also grabbed the pieces that I’d finished for Chief Larkin as well as some of the others to work on and my sewing bag.
When I got there Chief Larkin said, “That is a lot of laundry.”
“Not all of this is laundry. I need to put the finishing touches on a couple of things and press a couple of pieces. They have ironing and steaming tables beside the big dryers.”
I was in the middle of putting the loads to wash – and wasn’t it nice to be able to run multiple machines and get it all done in the same time without going broke from the cost of the machine tokens – when Chief Larkin walked over and said, “I’ll be over in a minute to check your progress.”
A “minute” turned into fifteen and I was pressing the dress that I made out of two business shirts that’d had badly frayed cuffs and collar and been about 20 years out of date, though of good quality when it was in style. I was fussing with the darts I’d put in to make it more fitted when someone said, “I … wait … yeah … I remember that material. I threw it in the rag bag because it couldn’t be repaired.”
“The shirts weren’t repairable,” I agreed. “And can you see any guys honestly wanting to wear this pattern into the office? And this color? Geez. Better for it to be refashioned into something useful. I saw a dress like this on TriV right before the storm,” I added absently trying to speak and steam at the same time without losing a finger while I did. “They say this spring is going to be really retro and modified hi-low swingy things like this dress are gonna be in.”
Chief Larkin had come over and “hmmm’d” before saying, “Penner, see what you can find on that idea tomorrow.” To me he asked, “Do you use a pattern or cut free-hand?”
“Depends,” I answered finishing the last tuck. “A lot of the time I’m having to work around damaged areas or piece things together to get enough of something. If I don’t I have to adjust seams, hems, sleeve lengths, you name it. I can’t spend a lot of money so each refashion has to support itself or be pieced out with leftovers from other refashions. I reuse lace, elastic, waistbands, boning, anything that is salvageable. But I don’t have a lot of room either so what comes in has to go out fairly quickly. For instance … I made a headband and faux cuffs to go with the skirt over there but I need some heavy-duty starch to finish off the cuffs to make them stand right. I had a couple of extra buttons from the two shirts so they could be detailed and used as earrings or glued to some kind of hair doodad.”
The washer buzzer went off and I turned, and then nearly freaked out. “What are you doing here?!” Then after getting a look at his face I wished I hadn’t snapped.
“Uh … Trahern?”
He shrugged and I realized he wouldn’t talk with the others around so I leaned down where he was sitting beside Bam-Bam’s carrier rocking it gently. “Sorry I sounded snarky,” I said quietly. “You just startled me. I didn’t hear you come in. If you want to … you know … sit and … sit there I’m okay with it so long as I’m not causing problems.”
He slowly looked me in the eye which I thought was a good thing and gravel-whispered, “Some kid … having … an episode. Too much like … like …” Then he shuddered.
“Oh sure. The wind the other day … while we were hiking to that spring. It was freaking me a little. That’s why you kept having to hop not to trip over me. I guess I was crowding you some.”
“’S okay. So … sit here?”
“Sure. Hey, at least you’ve found something that calms the willies. Better than being alone. Right?”
He looked and then slowly nodded. I stood back up and went back to move the stuff from the washer to the dryer and nothing else was said. About thirty minutes later I saw Chief Jackson stick his head in, look around, and then beckon Chief Larkin over. I’m not sure what was said but neither man gave any instructions for things to change. An hour after that Bam-Bam’s and my laundry was finished and folded, I’d done everything I could on the refashions, and I was finished cleaning up. Luckily Chief Larkin and his group of Trainees were also finished and the Chief gave the place a good going over, made sure that I’d put the pressing machine back the way I’d found it, and then got us all out and checked that I’d locked things down properly.
“Trainee Trahern, make sure and check in with the dorm monitor and let him know you are back. And please escort Trainee McCormick back to Chief Delray’s office so she can turn the key in.”
Quiet Guy surprised me when he stood straight and strangled out a “Sir, yes Sir.”
“Easy Lad. I was never an officer, strictly NCO since I never completed my ROTC before getting drafted.”
Quiet Guy still insisted on paying the man some respect and it appeared to be appreciated. Chief Larkin’s other trainees followed us back to the dorm building and we split up, Quiet Guy only leaving after he saw me put the key in the slot as directed. Then he pointed at me and at the hall I needed to go down.
“I’m going, I’m going,” I told him in mock huffiness. I didn’t appreciate him whapping me on the head with his hat, but I’d seen other guys to it to people they were joshing so I knew he was just playing and that let me know that he’d calmed down.
Chapter 18 (Part 4)
I walked back to my room only to find my door open and my first thought was prank but I relaxed when I saw it was Chief Delray and Chief Madison. Then I tensed because I hate pop quizzes and pop inspections equally.
“McCormick.”
“Yes ma’am?”
“The key?”
“You told me to put it in that slot by your office door. I just came from there. And Chief Larkin checked over all my clean up and only made me redo the pressing machine cord by winding it the opposite of the way I had it. Oh and … um … I didn’t realize a bobbin had rolled under the shelf with the detergent on it.”
“Good. Larkin runs a tight department. Did you get demerits?”
“No ma’am. He did tell me not to do it again, so it is now on my list of things to double check.”
“You keep a list?”
I knew better than to blow smoke around Delray so I showed her the list I’d started on the tablet I’d been issued.
She made a face and said, “You don’t need to be quite that anal about it.”
“I am not going to wash out. I am going to graduate and get a job for Bam-Bam and I.”
I guess my tone was a little rougher than I’d meant it to come out and Chief Madison asked, “Has someone said anything?”
“Er … no ma’am. But I’m low man on the totem pole in a group of trainees, some of whom act like they’ve been hit in the head with the totem pole. I am not going to be a nail that is looking for a hammer. If I make a mistake, I don’t want to make it twice. If I get a demerit it is not because I was too stupid and lazy to be careful.”
“Ease up Doe,” Chief Madison said while putting a hand on my arm. It made me jump. I wasn’t used to being touched like that. “Easy there. Yes, we’re tough … because we have to be. But, we want you to succeed. Honest mistakes are just that.”
I was tired and I guess and little more wound up than I realized. “I get that, but I heard about the big wash outs last semester. Even if the Board or whoever they are were inclined to start fresh, the knotheads that have shown up already this semester means they are going to be harder on us than maybe they’ve been in the past. I mean two weeks of the kind of food that has been in the mess hall is not normal … or so says the second and third semester trainees. And neither is loss of night privileges for so long for everyone … and the added lessons for everyone, even those that didn’t do a thing to screw things up. It has the second, and especially third semester trainees, really hacked at the first semester trainees and some in particular … including me since we all know the rumors still float. I can’t lose this chance … and I don’t want to have any part in anything that is going to screw other people out of a chance like this to come to The Farm.”
Delray asked, “Why do you say it like that?”
“Too many screw ups and The Farm will lose its funding. The half-way house staff where I used to live were always beating us over the head with that kind of stuff. And while they might have been a little over the top with the ‘we should show more gratitude in our attitude,’ they were right about too many troublemakers drawing the wrong kind of attention to the house and ruining it for everyone.”
I noticed a look pass between the two chiefs, but it wasn’t a look they’d want to know that I’d noticed so I kept my mouth shut.
Chief Madison said, “I’m going to ask straight out. That little dance in the dining hall … do you know who tried to trip you?”
“No ma’am. No one copped to it. I warned them next time I might not be able to cover for whoever did it and what kind of attention it could draw. I don’t know if it will do any good but I’m not out to make trouble … but I don’t want to be a target either.”
Chief Delray gave me a look and then said, “You will tell me if you hear or see something.”
Saying yes ma’am wasn’t exactly a lie but I didn’t have to tell her that it would be on a case-by-case basis depending on what I heard and saw. Delray then said, “I’m going to get the key and turn in my reports.” Of course she wasn’t talking to me but to Chief Madison who nodded and then asked to see my tablet to check my work completion time sheet.
She’d no sooner gone into “teacher mode” than there was a whistle and then a scream of pain.
“Stay here,” she ordered before running out.
I quickly put Bam-Bam down in his carrier and put him in the “safe spot” that I’d found. I went to the door and peeked out. I couldn’t see anything but there was a commotion down at the end and then there was a crash that I could feel rattle the wall. Then I heard running and then a guy. That’s when I noticed he had a kid he was dragging and the poor little girl was shrieking and … I hate bullies. I really, really, really hate bullies. Dad had hated them too. And when he found out there were some bullies picking on me because I was “different” he’d gotten me involved in self-defense classes, mostly jujitsu. Before he died I had earned the orange belt. I hadn’t been allowed to continue after Mom died or I would have been a green belt and gone from the kids’ system into the adult ranks and would have been purple by now … but I didn’t and I wasn’t and I also wasn’t in the same shape I’d been at fourteen. Typing that now seems pretty arrogant but all I mean is that I knew how to do stuff, but I should have known more and better; but, what I did know was enough, at least that night it was.
I used what I knew best and that was the Wrist Throw with Lock. I stepped into the hall to stop him from running off with the little kid. He threw a wild punch in my direction and it probably would have worked if I hadn’t had to defend myself from some of the girls at the halfway house doing the same blasted thing. In other words, this guy fought like a hormonal drama queen. As the guy threw his punch I spun clockwise on my left foot and grabbed the guys right wrist with my left hand. Then I added my right hand for a firm grip of the wrist. I twisted anti-clockwise to on my left foot and kept going and dropped to my left knee taking the guy down flat on his back. I put my right knee on his right bicep and bracing with my left foot forced the guy’s palm down to the floor. It doesn’t sound like much, but the guy was at a real disadvantage and in pain because of the position of his wrist and hand and he couldn’t brace himself to get loose because I had his arm pinned.
I continued twisting and frankly was in the mood to do him some real damage to his flexor tendons and carpal bones. He was squealing and cussing, but I didn’t have to hold him long before the cavalry showed up. It wasn’t just the guys but a couple of other male trainees as well. I picked up the little girl and pulled her into my room and did my best to check her over. She had a whelp on her cheek and a bloody lip and I wanted to tell the guys to tear him apart but if I’ve learned nothing it is that anger and acting on it isn’t always the most construction action to take.
That’s when more Staff show up and it is a few minutes before the ruckus is calm enough that a Chief comes in to check on the little girl. I was backing away and hissing like a cat – or so said Mickey who sticks his nose in and says, “Doe, this is Chief Eduardo George. He’s from the Admin building.”
“Okay.” But I still wasn’t turning the little girl over to some guy I just met.
Trudeau prances over and says, “That’s Cassie’s little girl.” From the look on his face I knew something not good had happened.
For his part Chief George had stuck his head out and called, “Gilroy! Get someone down here.”
It was Nurse Gilroy herself that rushed in and then showed some relief when I told her I wasn’t hurt. “But the little girl is traumatized. Where’s her mom?”
All of them got quiet. “Uh uh,” I said while shaking my head, not wanting to believe what they weren’t saying.
“Can you watch her for … a … a few minutes more?”
Nurse Gilroy herself was looking toasted. I realized that for all of her toughness she didn’t appear to actually have any street experience.
I stiffened my spine and said, “Does she have a blanket or stuffy or something … anything familiar? And her sippy cup with something warm and sweet in it. No caffeine just like … cider or something like that.” They just blinked at me and part of me came close to losing my temper, but Dad had said that sometimes people just couldn’t help the stupid that came over them and you had to just deal with it to move forward.
“Look, I can’t leave Bam-Bam but I need …”
“Whoa. Look it you.” My head snapped around and it was Jan and Jen. “You’ve got mad skillz.”
“Skills schmills. I need …” And after I listed what I needed Jan and Jen took charge.
“Come on people, let’s make ourselves useful. We need to do safety checks on all the rooms … trainees and their kids come first. Someone with connections in the dining hall can maybe get some apple juice or something like that. And those little mouth rinse cups they give the supplements out in.” They kept on and I added something else to the tally of what I knew about the two women; not only were they smarter than they let on, they also knew how to give the right kind of orders to get stuff done. That told me that they might have been further up the food chain than your average gang banger. Assuming that’s what they really were.
It was a couple of hours later and I was stuffing myself back into my shirt having finally gotten Bam-Bam to sleep and managed to get the little girl to turn loose of me so I could lay her down as she finally passed out too. I had her covered up since her skin had been cold and clammy like she was going in and out of shock or trauma or something like that. The door banged open and I nearly banged the head of Chief George as he barreled in.
I pointed out of the room and followed that up by backing him up. I hissed, “I just got them to sleep. Unless you want to have stereo shriekers on top of all of the other chaos you’ll …”
“Easy Trainee. Is everything okay?”
I suddenly felt safe enough to have a reaction and wiped angrily at the tears that wanted to fall out of my eyes. “No it’s not. That little girl … I still don’t know what her name is … doesn’t have a mother to protect her or anything anymore. And she knows it. She told me what she saw … I didn’t want to hear it, but she had to tell someone, and it kept her from shrieking again. I wish I would have hurt that dirty bastard. I should have just …”
I nearly jumped a mile when someone patted my back. It was Quiet Guy. “Shhhh, ‘s okay now. Boyfriend … little girl’s dad … coming fast. Lives in town and is coming fast. Little girl knows him. Not alone. Won’t be alone. ‘S ok.”
My skin felt like it was crawling off. My biggest nightmare was playing out. It wasn’t Bam-Bam that was being left alone in the world with no one. But it was close enough. “Bam sleeping?”
“Yeah,” I answered starting to feel all the emotional upheaval. “Yeah, he ate and then …” My knees were shaking and I wound up on my butt in the doorway with one of those cups of warm apple juice being put into my hands.
I walked back to my room only to find my door open and my first thought was prank but I relaxed when I saw it was Chief Delray and Chief Madison. Then I tensed because I hate pop quizzes and pop inspections equally.
“McCormick.”
“Yes ma’am?”
“The key?”
“You told me to put it in that slot by your office door. I just came from there. And Chief Larkin checked over all my clean up and only made me redo the pressing machine cord by winding it the opposite of the way I had it. Oh and … um … I didn’t realize a bobbin had rolled under the shelf with the detergent on it.”
“Good. Larkin runs a tight department. Did you get demerits?”
“No ma’am. He did tell me not to do it again, so it is now on my list of things to double check.”
“You keep a list?”
I knew better than to blow smoke around Delray so I showed her the list I’d started on the tablet I’d been issued.
She made a face and said, “You don’t need to be quite that anal about it.”
“I am not going to wash out. I am going to graduate and get a job for Bam-Bam and I.”
I guess my tone was a little rougher than I’d meant it to come out and Chief Madison asked, “Has someone said anything?”
“Er … no ma’am. But I’m low man on the totem pole in a group of trainees, some of whom act like they’ve been hit in the head with the totem pole. I am not going to be a nail that is looking for a hammer. If I make a mistake, I don’t want to make it twice. If I get a demerit it is not because I was too stupid and lazy to be careful.”
“Ease up Doe,” Chief Madison said while putting a hand on my arm. It made me jump. I wasn’t used to being touched like that. “Easy there. Yes, we’re tough … because we have to be. But, we want you to succeed. Honest mistakes are just that.”
I was tired and I guess and little more wound up than I realized. “I get that, but I heard about the big wash outs last semester. Even if the Board or whoever they are were inclined to start fresh, the knotheads that have shown up already this semester means they are going to be harder on us than maybe they’ve been in the past. I mean two weeks of the kind of food that has been in the mess hall is not normal … or so says the second and third semester trainees. And neither is loss of night privileges for so long for everyone … and the added lessons for everyone, even those that didn’t do a thing to screw things up. It has the second, and especially third semester trainees, really hacked at the first semester trainees and some in particular … including me since we all know the rumors still float. I can’t lose this chance … and I don’t want to have any part in anything that is going to screw other people out of a chance like this to come to The Farm.”
Delray asked, “Why do you say it like that?”
“Too many screw ups and The Farm will lose its funding. The half-way house staff where I used to live were always beating us over the head with that kind of stuff. And while they might have been a little over the top with the ‘we should show more gratitude in our attitude,’ they were right about too many troublemakers drawing the wrong kind of attention to the house and ruining it for everyone.”
I noticed a look pass between the two chiefs, but it wasn’t a look they’d want to know that I’d noticed so I kept my mouth shut.
Chief Madison said, “I’m going to ask straight out. That little dance in the dining hall … do you know who tried to trip you?”
“No ma’am. No one copped to it. I warned them next time I might not be able to cover for whoever did it and what kind of attention it could draw. I don’t know if it will do any good but I’m not out to make trouble … but I don’t want to be a target either.”
Chief Delray gave me a look and then said, “You will tell me if you hear or see something.”
Saying yes ma’am wasn’t exactly a lie but I didn’t have to tell her that it would be on a case-by-case basis depending on what I heard and saw. Delray then said, “I’m going to get the key and turn in my reports.” Of course she wasn’t talking to me but to Chief Madison who nodded and then asked to see my tablet to check my work completion time sheet.
She’d no sooner gone into “teacher mode” than there was a whistle and then a scream of pain.
“Stay here,” she ordered before running out.
I quickly put Bam-Bam down in his carrier and put him in the “safe spot” that I’d found. I went to the door and peeked out. I couldn’t see anything but there was a commotion down at the end and then there was a crash that I could feel rattle the wall. Then I heard running and then a guy. That’s when I noticed he had a kid he was dragging and the poor little girl was shrieking and … I hate bullies. I really, really, really hate bullies. Dad had hated them too. And when he found out there were some bullies picking on me because I was “different” he’d gotten me involved in self-defense classes, mostly jujitsu. Before he died I had earned the orange belt. I hadn’t been allowed to continue after Mom died or I would have been a green belt and gone from the kids’ system into the adult ranks and would have been purple by now … but I didn’t and I wasn’t and I also wasn’t in the same shape I’d been at fourteen. Typing that now seems pretty arrogant but all I mean is that I knew how to do stuff, but I should have known more and better; but, what I did know was enough, at least that night it was.
I used what I knew best and that was the Wrist Throw with Lock. I stepped into the hall to stop him from running off with the little kid. He threw a wild punch in my direction and it probably would have worked if I hadn’t had to defend myself from some of the girls at the halfway house doing the same blasted thing. In other words, this guy fought like a hormonal drama queen. As the guy threw his punch I spun clockwise on my left foot and grabbed the guys right wrist with my left hand. Then I added my right hand for a firm grip of the wrist. I twisted anti-clockwise to on my left foot and kept going and dropped to my left knee taking the guy down flat on his back. I put my right knee on his right bicep and bracing with my left foot forced the guy’s palm down to the floor. It doesn’t sound like much, but the guy was at a real disadvantage and in pain because of the position of his wrist and hand and he couldn’t brace himself to get loose because I had his arm pinned.
I continued twisting and frankly was in the mood to do him some real damage to his flexor tendons and carpal bones. He was squealing and cussing, but I didn’t have to hold him long before the cavalry showed up. It wasn’t just the guys but a couple of other male trainees as well. I picked up the little girl and pulled her into my room and did my best to check her over. She had a whelp on her cheek and a bloody lip and I wanted to tell the guys to tear him apart but if I’ve learned nothing it is that anger and acting on it isn’t always the most construction action to take.
That’s when more Staff show up and it is a few minutes before the ruckus is calm enough that a Chief comes in to check on the little girl. I was backing away and hissing like a cat – or so said Mickey who sticks his nose in and says, “Doe, this is Chief Eduardo George. He’s from the Admin building.”
“Okay.” But I still wasn’t turning the little girl over to some guy I just met.
Trudeau prances over and says, “That’s Cassie’s little girl.” From the look on his face I knew something not good had happened.
For his part Chief George had stuck his head out and called, “Gilroy! Get someone down here.”
It was Nurse Gilroy herself that rushed in and then showed some relief when I told her I wasn’t hurt. “But the little girl is traumatized. Where’s her mom?”
All of them got quiet. “Uh uh,” I said while shaking my head, not wanting to believe what they weren’t saying.
“Can you watch her for … a … a few minutes more?”
Nurse Gilroy herself was looking toasted. I realized that for all of her toughness she didn’t appear to actually have any street experience.
I stiffened my spine and said, “Does she have a blanket or stuffy or something … anything familiar? And her sippy cup with something warm and sweet in it. No caffeine just like … cider or something like that.” They just blinked at me and part of me came close to losing my temper, but Dad had said that sometimes people just couldn’t help the stupid that came over them and you had to just deal with it to move forward.
“Look, I can’t leave Bam-Bam but I need …”
“Whoa. Look it you.” My head snapped around and it was Jan and Jen. “You’ve got mad skillz.”
“Skills schmills. I need …” And after I listed what I needed Jan and Jen took charge.
“Come on people, let’s make ourselves useful. We need to do safety checks on all the rooms … trainees and their kids come first. Someone with connections in the dining hall can maybe get some apple juice or something like that. And those little mouth rinse cups they give the supplements out in.” They kept on and I added something else to the tally of what I knew about the two women; not only were they smarter than they let on, they also knew how to give the right kind of orders to get stuff done. That told me that they might have been further up the food chain than your average gang banger. Assuming that’s what they really were.
It was a couple of hours later and I was stuffing myself back into my shirt having finally gotten Bam-Bam to sleep and managed to get the little girl to turn loose of me so I could lay her down as she finally passed out too. I had her covered up since her skin had been cold and clammy like she was going in and out of shock or trauma or something like that. The door banged open and I nearly banged the head of Chief George as he barreled in.
I pointed out of the room and followed that up by backing him up. I hissed, “I just got them to sleep. Unless you want to have stereo shriekers on top of all of the other chaos you’ll …”
“Easy Trainee. Is everything okay?”
I suddenly felt safe enough to have a reaction and wiped angrily at the tears that wanted to fall out of my eyes. “No it’s not. That little girl … I still don’t know what her name is … doesn’t have a mother to protect her or anything anymore. And she knows it. She told me what she saw … I didn’t want to hear it, but she had to tell someone, and it kept her from shrieking again. I wish I would have hurt that dirty bastard. I should have just …”
I nearly jumped a mile when someone patted my back. It was Quiet Guy. “Shhhh, ‘s okay now. Boyfriend … little girl’s dad … coming fast. Lives in town and is coming fast. Little girl knows him. Not alone. Won’t be alone. ‘S ok.”
My skin felt like it was crawling off. My biggest nightmare was playing out. It wasn’t Bam-Bam that was being left alone in the world with no one. But it was close enough. “Bam sleeping?”
“Yeah,” I answered starting to feel all the emotional upheaval. “Yeah, he ate and then …” My knees were shaking and I wound up on my butt in the doorway with one of those cups of warm apple juice being put into my hands.
CHAPTER 19 (Part 1)
They’d just convinced me to lay down when the little girl’s father shows up and he surprised me by being thirty-something years old with lines of hard life and worry already showing on his face. There was a woman with him and I found out it was his wife; that they’d only been married a couple of months. I didn’t learn the story that night but eventually I pieced it together. Cassie had been making a living as an “escort” which is just above a street hooker and not nearly as far above it as some of those girls want to believe. The guy who was the dad hadn’t realized she was underage when he started booking her regular and when he had he’d broken it off … only by then the girl was pregnant but she didn’t tell him, she thought the little girl was her pimp’s. This was her second kid, the first she lost to DCF. The guy didn’t know about the kid they’d made until social workers tracked him down when the pimp demanded a paternity test. He immediately tried to get custody of the little girl but surprise, surprise also wanted to help Cassie. Cassie didn’t want help but for a while the shared custody worked … until Cassie got a boyfriend that got her in some big-time trouble. The Farm was a way for Cassie to stay out of prison and the guy wasn’t averse to moving nearby so that he could stay a presence in his daughter’s life. He met a local woman and they married and things were chugging along and things were getting better all around. Then that night.
Cassie had made personal strides while at The Farm, including finding the strength to agree to tell the cops what she knew about her previous boyfriend’s cohorts. There was a leak some place along the chain of information … it came out later, but no one knew it for a while … and they sent someone to shut her up. Chief Delray came around the corner just in time to see the bad guy come out of Cassie’s room. Chief Delray blew her whistle sending a “need immediate emergency assistance” call out to all Staff within earshot. The wall rattling was the guy bashing into Delray and stabbing her … it wasn’t deep or life-threatening, but it was in some meat and it hurt, leaving her the walking wounded for a couple of weeks. All the screaming put the guy in a panic, and he grabbed the little girl as she was the closest, most defenseless resource for escape. Then he ran into me and the rest isn’t really worth mentioning except to say it was loud, messy, chaotic, and by the time morning was creeping in I was the one that was about to have an episode because Bam-Bam had been upset by all of the ruckus and kept crying off and on and refusing to be comforted except by nursing which wasn’t nice for either one of us.
The Farm was on lock down until it could be determined whether the bad guy operated alone or had been there as part of a team. Quiet Guy, Dallas, and Cooper along with Chief Jackson and a couple of other members of The Farm’s security team and a couple of Sheriff deputies tracked the guy’s movement back to his mode of transportation and he did have a partner … but he was a city boy and while running away in the dark, got lost, and then gave himself a fatal injury by falling on a rock … or that’s the story that was given out. I’m still not too sure he wasn’t helped to fall down. I stayed out of it. Over the next two days I didn’t have an “episode” exactly, but I was fighting nightmares and running short on sleep. I didn’t get in trouble. People left me alone, but only because the guys and Jan and Jen pretty much ran interference to keep people from asking questions … at least the trainees. I did have to answer a fair share of them to Staff, the local police, and once again I came to the attention of Judge Haygood.
Strangely enough the Judge was the only person to ask me about the jujitsu move and why I did it. I explained about Dad putting me in classes as soon as they knew it wouldn’t hurt me, why he did it, and how even though I hadn’t continued after my parents had died I’d been far enough along in the training that some moves just came naturally … and that I’d determined to practice again after the rape so that I’d never be in that position again, and so that I could protect Bam-Bam since I’d promised to be the Mom to him.
“Young lady …,” the Judge said then stopped and shook his head. “Not much that can be said in circumstances such as this. You were protecting a child. You stepped back and let Staff do their job when they arrived and didn’t interfere afterwards. Now it is time to move on. That said, in the future do not put yourself in danger. You also have a child that needs protecting.”
That’s when I started shaking a bit and admitted that it was my worst nightmare that Bam-Bam doesn’t have anyone else to protect him if something happens to me.
“Ah,” he said like something had started making sense. I wondered later what that “ah” was supposed to mean but didn’t ask him then because I was too busy being embarrassed and bothered by the fact that I’d almost cried in front of this stranger that had way too much power over me.
To keep trainees from over-thinking what had happened, night time activities were back on but the first couple of nights were little more than group counseling sessions that I hated but others seemed to need as some kind of catharsis. It was just too much drama after long days and little sleep.
Third day though I was feeling better and starting to pull myself out of the hole I’d fallen into. Cooper made some kind of off-color remark about “feee-males” while we were on that day’s hike/lesson and I pegged him with an acorn and told him to kiss my left big toe. It wasn’t much of an exchange, not anything that we hadn’t done before, but I looked around to find everyone grinning.
“What?”
It was Lincoln that said, “Welcome back to the land of the living.”
“Oh for pete …” I grumbled. “Look, I just … was catching up on sleep is all. Bam-Bam is teething.”
“Sure Doe. Whatever,” she said with a grin that still managed to show some relief.
Quiet Guy, who’d been hovering though I hadn’t noticed since I was in such a funk, backed off a little but not much. But all in all, things were getting back to as normal as they’d been, and we were out gathering things to contribute to what passed for Thanksgiving here on The Farm.
Chief Jackson explained, “By and large we try and keep things low-key around here because we’ve got Trainees from too many different social and ethnic backgrounds. You got religious beliefs? Fine. But you practice your religion in private and low-key. You got particular political leanings? Same thing. When The Farm was first established we tried to make allowances for everyone to practice their worldview their way but it created too many instances of conflict. Additionally, it didn’t really create an atmosphere to reflect what trainees would find in the workplace. For a short period the pendulum then swung too far in the opposite direction with absolute zero tolerance. That particular view has loosened up to the point that religious practices are allowed so long as they don’t adversely impact any other trainee or staff member.”
Markham was in a sour mood and added, “Then there’s some of us that just hate the holidays on principle. They suck and I want no part of them. Either it’s family crap or political crap or economic crap or something else. It’s always worse at the holidays.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, tell me about it. My dad was a cop. But he said the holidays were nothing but an excuse for some people. If they didn’t go nuts at the holidays, then they’d find some other excuse to do it. The point of the holidays is to overcome what is holding us back. Celebrate stuff … and people … that set a good example. To step away from our damage for a while and have some hope.”
“Hope. Yeah right.”
I stopped and looked at her. “Yeah. Hope. Isn’t that what The Farm is supposed to be about? I mean really bottom line it. Sure, we are supposed to be learning ‘marketable skills, improving our daily living habits, completing our education … all those self-improvement things. But why are you doing it if it isn’t in hope of something better than what you have right now? You are a third semester trainee. That’s top of the top, cream of the crop. What gives with the sour ‘tude all of a sudden?”
Lincoln answered for her. “Combination of things. Here at The Farm we’ve had some cushion and protection from our pasts, but life is about to get real for those of us that graduate. The battle zones are starting to heat up right as the economy is starting to slump. There’s not as many options as there were. Most of us have family that have dumped our ass from their Tree of Life, so it isn’t like we are going out into some big support network. And for some of us The Farm is the first real family life we’ve ever experienced even if it is just a pseudo-family. People give a crap about us here, or at least enough of a crap that they would help us get from point a to point b. We’re going to lose that when we leave. It isn’t as easy as you think it is Doe, you’re still pretty young.”
“Yeah and life sucks and then you die,” I said seriously, shocking a couple of them with my cynicism. “So the only thing you have is to appreciate what you do have and try and pay it forward so there is more and better in the future which makes life maybe a little easier on the end than it was in the beginning. I was found in a frickin’ trash can like a used tampon. Am I supposed to sit around for the rest of my life worrying that fact to death and using it as an excuse?!”
Quiet Guy bumped me gently as we hiked along. Maybe for comfort, maybe to cool me off, but either way Markham had managed to push one of my buttons and I had a head full of steam.
“Maybe you don’t know but the shape my face was in for a long time … I couldn’t talk, could barely hear. Yeezus, I scared people or grossed them out until all the surgeries were over with in middle school. My face was split wide open, from my jaw all the way up to between my eyebrows, and unless I was wearing a full-face surgical mask the casual observer couldn’t avoid noticing that most of the inside of my face was visible from the outside. You see this?” I said pointing to my mouth. “Most of it is fake or close enough as makes no difference because the bone started off from other parts of my body or from a grow tank … or from cadaver pieces. How’s them apples? I’m wearing dead people parts in my face. I don’t really know what the heck I am supposed to look like because what I have to look at every day in the mirror is just some computer-generated plan to do the best with what little I had to start out with. My teeth? Most of them are fake. My nose? Fake and reconstructed. My upper plate and gums in my mouth? Artificial. I don’t have tonsils or adenoids. For a while I had to breathe through a tube in my trachea and they didn’t know if I would ever learn to breathe without it. They had to construct a uvula, build me sinus cavities, and screw around with my eye sockets so that I wouldn’t look like an alien experiment gone bad. When I’m two years old and still looking like a melted Frankenstein doll I get parents … and suddenly my life seemed worth living. Then I’m fourteen and all of it gets ripped away again. Then I’m not even sixteen and … and life just continued on sucking. But if I’ve learned nothing else, nothing at all, it’s that you only lose when you give up. My parents taught me that. I wasn’t a result of their sperm and ova, but they were still parents to me. They gave me life, because while I might have been alive when they adopted me, I didn’t have a life. And now I have Bam-Bam and I’m going to do the same for him. And I’m going to pay things forward like Mr. JR showed me. And when I graduate from this place maybe I get lucky and get a family of my own … or maybe I go out and build a family some other way. Either or it doesn’t matter. And even if graduating from The Farm doesn’t give me everything I need, it will still be more than I had and it will be a chance … that’s all I need, all I want … a chance. The rest has always been up to me. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Because there are no fairy godparents, there are no genies that grant three wishes, the bad stuff doesn’t just happen when the clock strikes midnight, there is no such thing as happily ever after without a lot of frickin’ work to have it. And miracles are too far and few between to sit around moaning and crying and waiting on one to happen.”
Huffing and puffing, trying to keep up with the pace Chief Jackson had set I said, “For crap sake … the holidays? They are just a point on life’s timeline … what they mean or don’t mean is up to you. I choose to have hope. And I’m not letting a bunch of sourpuss, depressed, angry … gah! No one is going to stop me from giving Bam-Bam a life … and in the process getting one for myself to hold onto once he is grown up and having to do the same things I’m doing now. People want to go off in a corner and rot, why bother stopping them? You offer them a chance and a hand up, if they’re too stupid or ignorant or whatever to latch on and hang on then that’s on them. You at least know that you’ve done what you’re supposed to do and when you take the big dirt nap, you’ll be able to go with a clear conscience.”
No one said anything and we just kept struggling further and further up a ridge on a rocky trail. No one knew why, just that was the task for the day. By lunch time we’d reached a bluff and were more than happy to take a break. Lincoln, Cooper, and Dallas were really feeling where their artificial limbs attached to their stumps but they’d learned that we weren’t going to freak if they had to take it off to put salve or a new sock on, to deal with any chaffing or what have you. Bam-Bam needed his tank topped off and I woke up from a doze to find that Quiet Guy had draped his jacket across us while the others spoke together quietly.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
Chief Jackson snorted. “Relax. We all needed a break. Now eat your lunch.”
Markham brought over a “box lunch” thingie and then popped me on the head with her hat. I have no idea why people like doing that. I’m not overly short. I’m not a little kid. I’m neither cute, nor cuddly. I can’t imagine doing it to someone else. But they still do it to me. It must be some form of unspoken communication. Whatever, it let me know that Markham and I weren’t on the outs for me being a testy cat.
Lunch was a tasty mess of tuna and egg salad sandwich, veggie chips, a fruit cup, and a sports drink but I think we were all still playing catch up from the previous two weeks even though we hadn’t had it as bad as other trainees. I was still hungry enough I could have eaten more but didn’t complain. It was more than I’d had which made it a good thing.
They’d just convinced me to lay down when the little girl’s father shows up and he surprised me by being thirty-something years old with lines of hard life and worry already showing on his face. There was a woman with him and I found out it was his wife; that they’d only been married a couple of months. I didn’t learn the story that night but eventually I pieced it together. Cassie had been making a living as an “escort” which is just above a street hooker and not nearly as far above it as some of those girls want to believe. The guy who was the dad hadn’t realized she was underage when he started booking her regular and when he had he’d broken it off … only by then the girl was pregnant but she didn’t tell him, she thought the little girl was her pimp’s. This was her second kid, the first she lost to DCF. The guy didn’t know about the kid they’d made until social workers tracked him down when the pimp demanded a paternity test. He immediately tried to get custody of the little girl but surprise, surprise also wanted to help Cassie. Cassie didn’t want help but for a while the shared custody worked … until Cassie got a boyfriend that got her in some big-time trouble. The Farm was a way for Cassie to stay out of prison and the guy wasn’t averse to moving nearby so that he could stay a presence in his daughter’s life. He met a local woman and they married and things were chugging along and things were getting better all around. Then that night.
Cassie had made personal strides while at The Farm, including finding the strength to agree to tell the cops what she knew about her previous boyfriend’s cohorts. There was a leak some place along the chain of information … it came out later, but no one knew it for a while … and they sent someone to shut her up. Chief Delray came around the corner just in time to see the bad guy come out of Cassie’s room. Chief Delray blew her whistle sending a “need immediate emergency assistance” call out to all Staff within earshot. The wall rattling was the guy bashing into Delray and stabbing her … it wasn’t deep or life-threatening, but it was in some meat and it hurt, leaving her the walking wounded for a couple of weeks. All the screaming put the guy in a panic, and he grabbed the little girl as she was the closest, most defenseless resource for escape. Then he ran into me and the rest isn’t really worth mentioning except to say it was loud, messy, chaotic, and by the time morning was creeping in I was the one that was about to have an episode because Bam-Bam had been upset by all of the ruckus and kept crying off and on and refusing to be comforted except by nursing which wasn’t nice for either one of us.
The Farm was on lock down until it could be determined whether the bad guy operated alone or had been there as part of a team. Quiet Guy, Dallas, and Cooper along with Chief Jackson and a couple of other members of The Farm’s security team and a couple of Sheriff deputies tracked the guy’s movement back to his mode of transportation and he did have a partner … but he was a city boy and while running away in the dark, got lost, and then gave himself a fatal injury by falling on a rock … or that’s the story that was given out. I’m still not too sure he wasn’t helped to fall down. I stayed out of it. Over the next two days I didn’t have an “episode” exactly, but I was fighting nightmares and running short on sleep. I didn’t get in trouble. People left me alone, but only because the guys and Jan and Jen pretty much ran interference to keep people from asking questions … at least the trainees. I did have to answer a fair share of them to Staff, the local police, and once again I came to the attention of Judge Haygood.
Strangely enough the Judge was the only person to ask me about the jujitsu move and why I did it. I explained about Dad putting me in classes as soon as they knew it wouldn’t hurt me, why he did it, and how even though I hadn’t continued after my parents had died I’d been far enough along in the training that some moves just came naturally … and that I’d determined to practice again after the rape so that I’d never be in that position again, and so that I could protect Bam-Bam since I’d promised to be the Mom to him.
“Young lady …,” the Judge said then stopped and shook his head. “Not much that can be said in circumstances such as this. You were protecting a child. You stepped back and let Staff do their job when they arrived and didn’t interfere afterwards. Now it is time to move on. That said, in the future do not put yourself in danger. You also have a child that needs protecting.”
That’s when I started shaking a bit and admitted that it was my worst nightmare that Bam-Bam doesn’t have anyone else to protect him if something happens to me.
“Ah,” he said like something had started making sense. I wondered later what that “ah” was supposed to mean but didn’t ask him then because I was too busy being embarrassed and bothered by the fact that I’d almost cried in front of this stranger that had way too much power over me.
To keep trainees from over-thinking what had happened, night time activities were back on but the first couple of nights were little more than group counseling sessions that I hated but others seemed to need as some kind of catharsis. It was just too much drama after long days and little sleep.
Third day though I was feeling better and starting to pull myself out of the hole I’d fallen into. Cooper made some kind of off-color remark about “feee-males” while we were on that day’s hike/lesson and I pegged him with an acorn and told him to kiss my left big toe. It wasn’t much of an exchange, not anything that we hadn’t done before, but I looked around to find everyone grinning.
“What?”
It was Lincoln that said, “Welcome back to the land of the living.”
“Oh for pete …” I grumbled. “Look, I just … was catching up on sleep is all. Bam-Bam is teething.”
“Sure Doe. Whatever,” she said with a grin that still managed to show some relief.
Quiet Guy, who’d been hovering though I hadn’t noticed since I was in such a funk, backed off a little but not much. But all in all, things were getting back to as normal as they’d been, and we were out gathering things to contribute to what passed for Thanksgiving here on The Farm.
Chief Jackson explained, “By and large we try and keep things low-key around here because we’ve got Trainees from too many different social and ethnic backgrounds. You got religious beliefs? Fine. But you practice your religion in private and low-key. You got particular political leanings? Same thing. When The Farm was first established we tried to make allowances for everyone to practice their worldview their way but it created too many instances of conflict. Additionally, it didn’t really create an atmosphere to reflect what trainees would find in the workplace. For a short period the pendulum then swung too far in the opposite direction with absolute zero tolerance. That particular view has loosened up to the point that religious practices are allowed so long as they don’t adversely impact any other trainee or staff member.”
Markham was in a sour mood and added, “Then there’s some of us that just hate the holidays on principle. They suck and I want no part of them. Either it’s family crap or political crap or economic crap or something else. It’s always worse at the holidays.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, tell me about it. My dad was a cop. But he said the holidays were nothing but an excuse for some people. If they didn’t go nuts at the holidays, then they’d find some other excuse to do it. The point of the holidays is to overcome what is holding us back. Celebrate stuff … and people … that set a good example. To step away from our damage for a while and have some hope.”
“Hope. Yeah right.”
I stopped and looked at her. “Yeah. Hope. Isn’t that what The Farm is supposed to be about? I mean really bottom line it. Sure, we are supposed to be learning ‘marketable skills, improving our daily living habits, completing our education … all those self-improvement things. But why are you doing it if it isn’t in hope of something better than what you have right now? You are a third semester trainee. That’s top of the top, cream of the crop. What gives with the sour ‘tude all of a sudden?”
Lincoln answered for her. “Combination of things. Here at The Farm we’ve had some cushion and protection from our pasts, but life is about to get real for those of us that graduate. The battle zones are starting to heat up right as the economy is starting to slump. There’s not as many options as there were. Most of us have family that have dumped our ass from their Tree of Life, so it isn’t like we are going out into some big support network. And for some of us The Farm is the first real family life we’ve ever experienced even if it is just a pseudo-family. People give a crap about us here, or at least enough of a crap that they would help us get from point a to point b. We’re going to lose that when we leave. It isn’t as easy as you think it is Doe, you’re still pretty young.”
“Yeah and life sucks and then you die,” I said seriously, shocking a couple of them with my cynicism. “So the only thing you have is to appreciate what you do have and try and pay it forward so there is more and better in the future which makes life maybe a little easier on the end than it was in the beginning. I was found in a frickin’ trash can like a used tampon. Am I supposed to sit around for the rest of my life worrying that fact to death and using it as an excuse?!”
Quiet Guy bumped me gently as we hiked along. Maybe for comfort, maybe to cool me off, but either way Markham had managed to push one of my buttons and I had a head full of steam.
“Maybe you don’t know but the shape my face was in for a long time … I couldn’t talk, could barely hear. Yeezus, I scared people or grossed them out until all the surgeries were over with in middle school. My face was split wide open, from my jaw all the way up to between my eyebrows, and unless I was wearing a full-face surgical mask the casual observer couldn’t avoid noticing that most of the inside of my face was visible from the outside. You see this?” I said pointing to my mouth. “Most of it is fake or close enough as makes no difference because the bone started off from other parts of my body or from a grow tank … or from cadaver pieces. How’s them apples? I’m wearing dead people parts in my face. I don’t really know what the heck I am supposed to look like because what I have to look at every day in the mirror is just some computer-generated plan to do the best with what little I had to start out with. My teeth? Most of them are fake. My nose? Fake and reconstructed. My upper plate and gums in my mouth? Artificial. I don’t have tonsils or adenoids. For a while I had to breathe through a tube in my trachea and they didn’t know if I would ever learn to breathe without it. They had to construct a uvula, build me sinus cavities, and screw around with my eye sockets so that I wouldn’t look like an alien experiment gone bad. When I’m two years old and still looking like a melted Frankenstein doll I get parents … and suddenly my life seemed worth living. Then I’m fourteen and all of it gets ripped away again. Then I’m not even sixteen and … and life just continued on sucking. But if I’ve learned nothing else, nothing at all, it’s that you only lose when you give up. My parents taught me that. I wasn’t a result of their sperm and ova, but they were still parents to me. They gave me life, because while I might have been alive when they adopted me, I didn’t have a life. And now I have Bam-Bam and I’m going to do the same for him. And I’m going to pay things forward like Mr. JR showed me. And when I graduate from this place maybe I get lucky and get a family of my own … or maybe I go out and build a family some other way. Either or it doesn’t matter. And even if graduating from The Farm doesn’t give me everything I need, it will still be more than I had and it will be a chance … that’s all I need, all I want … a chance. The rest has always been up to me. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Because there are no fairy godparents, there are no genies that grant three wishes, the bad stuff doesn’t just happen when the clock strikes midnight, there is no such thing as happily ever after without a lot of frickin’ work to have it. And miracles are too far and few between to sit around moaning and crying and waiting on one to happen.”
Huffing and puffing, trying to keep up with the pace Chief Jackson had set I said, “For crap sake … the holidays? They are just a point on life’s timeline … what they mean or don’t mean is up to you. I choose to have hope. And I’m not letting a bunch of sourpuss, depressed, angry … gah! No one is going to stop me from giving Bam-Bam a life … and in the process getting one for myself to hold onto once he is grown up and having to do the same things I’m doing now. People want to go off in a corner and rot, why bother stopping them? You offer them a chance and a hand up, if they’re too stupid or ignorant or whatever to latch on and hang on then that’s on them. You at least know that you’ve done what you’re supposed to do and when you take the big dirt nap, you’ll be able to go with a clear conscience.”
No one said anything and we just kept struggling further and further up a ridge on a rocky trail. No one knew why, just that was the task for the day. By lunch time we’d reached a bluff and were more than happy to take a break. Lincoln, Cooper, and Dallas were really feeling where their artificial limbs attached to their stumps but they’d learned that we weren’t going to freak if they had to take it off to put salve or a new sock on, to deal with any chaffing or what have you. Bam-Bam needed his tank topped off and I woke up from a doze to find that Quiet Guy had draped his jacket across us while the others spoke together quietly.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
Chief Jackson snorted. “Relax. We all needed a break. Now eat your lunch.”
Markham brought over a “box lunch” thingie and then popped me on the head with her hat. I have no idea why people like doing that. I’m not overly short. I’m not a little kid. I’m neither cute, nor cuddly. I can’t imagine doing it to someone else. But they still do it to me. It must be some form of unspoken communication. Whatever, it let me know that Markham and I weren’t on the outs for me being a testy cat.
Lunch was a tasty mess of tuna and egg salad sandwich, veggie chips, a fruit cup, and a sports drink but I think we were all still playing catch up from the previous two weeks even though we hadn’t had it as bad as other trainees. I was still hungry enough I could have eaten more but didn’t complain. It was more than I’d had which made it a good thing.
Chapter 19 (Part 2)
Chief Jackson then started the lesson. “Next order of business is … pemmican. Any of you scrubs know what that is?”
Everyone did but me. It is an ancient technique for having traveling food. It only has three parts; dried fruit, lean dried meat, some type of tallow like beef or buffalo. The dried meat and dried fruit have to be the stiff kind, not the kind that still has any soft left in it at all. You grind the fruit and dried meat until they are fluffy, then you mix them together and then add what is called the binding agent … the stuff that keeps it stuck together … and mix until you’ve got it where it will form balls or logs or sheets or loaves or whatever shape suits what you are going to use it for.
Chief Jackson explained, “This isn’t the season for gathering the berries you need to do this and this is just a lesson, not a project. I’ve brought berries and meat already prepped and instead of rendered tallow we are going to use honey. The berries are some almost to the point of going over that were found in the kitchen pantry clean out. The meat is some of that venison the poachers left us that I dried and then ground. You take measure for measure of the ground berries and ground meat, mix them together, and then add just enough honey to get that mess to stick together.”
As we did that in our own mess kits Chief Jackson added that pemmican made with tallow stored better and the fat content created a longer term nutritional source. The honey was just as healthy but was better suited to short-term energy boosts. The honey version was also stickier so storage could be problematic.
When I had finished mine I looked at it because it reminded me of something.
Dallas was running his mouth again and said, “If you don’t want it I’ll eat it.”
I just rolled my eyes and told him, “From the sound of things you’ll eat anything that isn’t nailed down … and some that was. These just remind me of something my dad used to do when he knew he was going to be on a stake out or have a schedule that meant getting a sit-down meal was going to be problematic.”
“What?” Chief Jackson asked as he inspected each person’s results.
“He’d make a paste, or little balls like this, with rolled oats and either peanut butter or honey depending on what we had more of in the cabinet at the time. If we were flush, or it was near one of Mom’s baking marathons, he’d add raisins or dried apples to go with the rolled oats. They were kinda tasty in a raw foodie kinda way. Um … Chief?”
“Huh?” he grunted like he was only listening with half an ear.
“Can you use stuff besides berries in pemmican?”
He gave me a look like he wanted to pop me with his hat but just grinned instead and said, “Dried berries, dried meat, and tallow is how the ancients did it. But necessity being the mother of invention the reality is you use what you have. Survival situations don’t always let you run to the grocery or farm stand. Keep things basic and use some dried, seedless fruit then a meat like beef or venison or whatever your primary large, red meat animal is in your locale, then use a binding agent of some kind of rendered fat though I would avoid any that has a tendency to go rancid too fast. Hell, some of the greenie brigades used to make a pemmican using powdered tofu and cold pressed olive oil and whatever fruit they’d swiped during a raid. It is a survival method, not something so restrictive that you have to follow the recipe exactly or it won’t work.”
Lincoln added once Chief Jackson had started in on someone else, “Yeah it’s simple, but it is easy to ruin too. Some fruits, seedless or not, just don’t translate well into pemmican. Their flavors don’t blend well with the meat. And some meats are too greasy and will go bad in storage. Your meat has to be really lean.”
“What about apples?” I asked.
“What about them?”
“How about dried apples in the pemmican, like those apple chips we had for lunch yesterday.”
“I don’t see why not so long as they are the sweet rather than tart kind. Like the Chief said, you use what you have. Just don’t make the mistake I made my first time around of trying to use seasoned dried meat or add seasoning to the pemmican. The flavors get way too intense or they don’t blend well. It was beyond gross and everyone had to eat it anyway because it was all we had for the day. It was an entire semester before I lived that down and the Chief still razzes me with it ever so often.”
“In other words ‘kiss’ it.”
“Huh?”
“Keep It Simple Stupid.”
She chuckled and agreed. We got to eat our own pemmican on the hike back to The Farm and I’m glad because main course for dinner that night tasted like someone dropped the chili seasoning in the pot and forgot to dig it out. I finally just had to admit defeat and gave my portion to the guys to divvy up and went to Nurse Gilroy to ask if I could have another container of milk to put the fire out that was already roaring in my stomach.
She signed off on it pretty quickly which was a relief. I was walking by the Staff table when I saw Chief Delray trying to stand up and take her tray. I walked over and said, “I got it. How are you feeling?”
Her mouth hung open for a minute before answering, “Better than I did. Thank you for asking.”
“Um … not to be rude but you are looking toasted. Maybe you should get your assistant to carry your stuff and maybe hide out in your office if you just gotta work.”
“Excuse me?”
“Look, when I give blood it takes me a day or two to get over it. You weren’t giving your blood away … you got it taken away so probably had a little bit of shock and junk to happen too. If it was one of us trainees Nurse Gilroy would have us on lock down in the Infirmary. Maybe you shouldn’t be pushing yourself so hard. It will only take longer to get back to 100%. If nothing else maybe you should ask Nurse Gilroy for one of those liquid iron shots … those liquid iron drinks or whatever they are. They don’t exactly taste like Christmas, but they do the job.”
Chief Larkin walked up and said, “That sounds like a fine idea. I’ll stop by Gilroy’s office and requisition some nutrition shots and Madison can haul the schedules to your office as easily as the Conference Room.”
I was dismissed with a wave to take the tray off like I’d offered and after it taking a moment to convince the monitor that Nurse Gilroy’s note was real I headed back to the table with my milk. The others wanted to know what had been going on and when I explained Cooper asked, “You trying for a suck up award?”
“No. She just looks toasted. Been there done that already myself. Not to mention toasted staff do not make for an easier trainee life. If she takes it easy and gets well faster, maybe my life doesn’t have to get harder than necessary.”
“But she’s Staff.”
“So?”
“Well …”
“Deep subject and you look like you’re drowning. Pick something else.”
Jen frowned and I figured out which one was hooked on which one. I rolled my eyes and to keep the peace and save everyone some embarrassment I said, “Honestly Cooper, it isn’t the big deal you are making it. Don’t we expect them to … I don’t know … act human towards us? I don’t know about you but I’m really tired of getting treated like I’m a thing with no feelings or like someone with too many feelings too close to the surface in danger of going off like a Tallahassee bottle rocket. I show them I’m not the basket case they maybe think I am and I do it by showing some basic characteristics of humanity and stuff gets a little easier … and maybe not just for me but for the next trainee that maybe gets credited with some sense and sensibility. Don’t make it out to be more than it is.”
I heard him mutter, “I hate female logic. You twist a guy’s tail on purpose.”
That caused me to snicker at his expense, but the brouhaha was averted. I’ll say this for Cooper, there were days he could be as dense as lead with a temper as hot as molten iron … but he didn’t carry a grudge and rarely had an attitude. He was just a good ol’ boy that had his opinions of how things worked, including how “feeeemales” worked, and someone better than me was going to have to be the one to enlighten him where he was wrong.
I was beat but next day was an academics day for me and I had homework to finish. Jan and Jen offered to sit with me but I knew they wanted to go to the movie with the guys so I told them thanks but didn’t want to ruin their plans.
“You sure?”
“Yep. I have a date with my consumer math book and it can’t be put off. I am going to be sorry to miss the popcorn and hot chocolate but that’s life. I’ll catch it on the next go around.” What I didn’t add was that I was on my period for the first time in a while and was feeling pretty crappy as a result. I wouldn’t have minded one of those iron drinks in fact.
Bam-Bam just did not want to settle down in his carrier so I wound up having to put my bed covers on the floor and sit there with him while he wore himself out scootching around and getting more exercise than he generally did in the sling I carried him around in. I did my math work and then copied the latest books I had downloaded from the library onto the ubernet cube. Then I added some French knots along the hem of a shirt I was refashioning. Bam-Bam and I ran out of steam about the same time and I crawled up on the bed with only enough energy left to make a nest of our of the covers and go to sleep.
I felt a little better in the morning but not one hundred percent. I caught Nurse Gilroy and despite being embarrassed I asked if I could have a shot of one of the iron drinks. She understood the euphemism and pulled me to the side and asked if I needed any other supplies. “No ma’am. I have all I need. Just if I’m going to make it through academics without face planting into my tablet I need something.”
“Understood. Do you have any comfort measures that make you feel better?”
“Huh?”
“Chocolate, you get the munchies …”
I shuddered. “No. Definitely no. I usually get too nauseous to eat but I’m thinking maybe one of those iron drinks might … you know … make me not feel so unplugged. I’d like to try anyway. This is the first real … you know … since Bam-Bam was conceived and … I don’t get cranky or crybaby but … it is just hard to stay plugged in when all I want to do is sleep.”
“Hmm. We’ll try it this month. If it helps, I’m going to suggest dietary changes rather than supplements. I might run another blood panel to check for iron absorption. You keep me in the loop Doe.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said politely, and even gratefully, but I just wanted to escape. I really did have a hard time being around people when I was feeling like this. All I really wanted to do was go back to bed but that wasn’t happening not the least of which is because Bam-Bam woke up king of the world and anxious to interact with his kingdom.
Chief Jackson then started the lesson. “Next order of business is … pemmican. Any of you scrubs know what that is?”
Everyone did but me. It is an ancient technique for having traveling food. It only has three parts; dried fruit, lean dried meat, some type of tallow like beef or buffalo. The dried meat and dried fruit have to be the stiff kind, not the kind that still has any soft left in it at all. You grind the fruit and dried meat until they are fluffy, then you mix them together and then add what is called the binding agent … the stuff that keeps it stuck together … and mix until you’ve got it where it will form balls or logs or sheets or loaves or whatever shape suits what you are going to use it for.
Chief Jackson explained, “This isn’t the season for gathering the berries you need to do this and this is just a lesson, not a project. I’ve brought berries and meat already prepped and instead of rendered tallow we are going to use honey. The berries are some almost to the point of going over that were found in the kitchen pantry clean out. The meat is some of that venison the poachers left us that I dried and then ground. You take measure for measure of the ground berries and ground meat, mix them together, and then add just enough honey to get that mess to stick together.”
As we did that in our own mess kits Chief Jackson added that pemmican made with tallow stored better and the fat content created a longer term nutritional source. The honey was just as healthy but was better suited to short-term energy boosts. The honey version was also stickier so storage could be problematic.
When I had finished mine I looked at it because it reminded me of something.
Dallas was running his mouth again and said, “If you don’t want it I’ll eat it.”
I just rolled my eyes and told him, “From the sound of things you’ll eat anything that isn’t nailed down … and some that was. These just remind me of something my dad used to do when he knew he was going to be on a stake out or have a schedule that meant getting a sit-down meal was going to be problematic.”
“What?” Chief Jackson asked as he inspected each person’s results.
“He’d make a paste, or little balls like this, with rolled oats and either peanut butter or honey depending on what we had more of in the cabinet at the time. If we were flush, or it was near one of Mom’s baking marathons, he’d add raisins or dried apples to go with the rolled oats. They were kinda tasty in a raw foodie kinda way. Um … Chief?”
“Huh?” he grunted like he was only listening with half an ear.
“Can you use stuff besides berries in pemmican?”
He gave me a look like he wanted to pop me with his hat but just grinned instead and said, “Dried berries, dried meat, and tallow is how the ancients did it. But necessity being the mother of invention the reality is you use what you have. Survival situations don’t always let you run to the grocery or farm stand. Keep things basic and use some dried, seedless fruit then a meat like beef or venison or whatever your primary large, red meat animal is in your locale, then use a binding agent of some kind of rendered fat though I would avoid any that has a tendency to go rancid too fast. Hell, some of the greenie brigades used to make a pemmican using powdered tofu and cold pressed olive oil and whatever fruit they’d swiped during a raid. It is a survival method, not something so restrictive that you have to follow the recipe exactly or it won’t work.”
Lincoln added once Chief Jackson had started in on someone else, “Yeah it’s simple, but it is easy to ruin too. Some fruits, seedless or not, just don’t translate well into pemmican. Their flavors don’t blend well with the meat. And some meats are too greasy and will go bad in storage. Your meat has to be really lean.”
“What about apples?” I asked.
“What about them?”
“How about dried apples in the pemmican, like those apple chips we had for lunch yesterday.”
“I don’t see why not so long as they are the sweet rather than tart kind. Like the Chief said, you use what you have. Just don’t make the mistake I made my first time around of trying to use seasoned dried meat or add seasoning to the pemmican. The flavors get way too intense or they don’t blend well. It was beyond gross and everyone had to eat it anyway because it was all we had for the day. It was an entire semester before I lived that down and the Chief still razzes me with it ever so often.”
“In other words ‘kiss’ it.”
“Huh?”
“Keep It Simple Stupid.”
She chuckled and agreed. We got to eat our own pemmican on the hike back to The Farm and I’m glad because main course for dinner that night tasted like someone dropped the chili seasoning in the pot and forgot to dig it out. I finally just had to admit defeat and gave my portion to the guys to divvy up and went to Nurse Gilroy to ask if I could have another container of milk to put the fire out that was already roaring in my stomach.
She signed off on it pretty quickly which was a relief. I was walking by the Staff table when I saw Chief Delray trying to stand up and take her tray. I walked over and said, “I got it. How are you feeling?”
Her mouth hung open for a minute before answering, “Better than I did. Thank you for asking.”
“Um … not to be rude but you are looking toasted. Maybe you should get your assistant to carry your stuff and maybe hide out in your office if you just gotta work.”
“Excuse me?”
“Look, when I give blood it takes me a day or two to get over it. You weren’t giving your blood away … you got it taken away so probably had a little bit of shock and junk to happen too. If it was one of us trainees Nurse Gilroy would have us on lock down in the Infirmary. Maybe you shouldn’t be pushing yourself so hard. It will only take longer to get back to 100%. If nothing else maybe you should ask Nurse Gilroy for one of those liquid iron shots … those liquid iron drinks or whatever they are. They don’t exactly taste like Christmas, but they do the job.”
Chief Larkin walked up and said, “That sounds like a fine idea. I’ll stop by Gilroy’s office and requisition some nutrition shots and Madison can haul the schedules to your office as easily as the Conference Room.”
I was dismissed with a wave to take the tray off like I’d offered and after it taking a moment to convince the monitor that Nurse Gilroy’s note was real I headed back to the table with my milk. The others wanted to know what had been going on and when I explained Cooper asked, “You trying for a suck up award?”
“No. She just looks toasted. Been there done that already myself. Not to mention toasted staff do not make for an easier trainee life. If she takes it easy and gets well faster, maybe my life doesn’t have to get harder than necessary.”
“But she’s Staff.”
“So?”
“Well …”
“Deep subject and you look like you’re drowning. Pick something else.”
Jen frowned and I figured out which one was hooked on which one. I rolled my eyes and to keep the peace and save everyone some embarrassment I said, “Honestly Cooper, it isn’t the big deal you are making it. Don’t we expect them to … I don’t know … act human towards us? I don’t know about you but I’m really tired of getting treated like I’m a thing with no feelings or like someone with too many feelings too close to the surface in danger of going off like a Tallahassee bottle rocket. I show them I’m not the basket case they maybe think I am and I do it by showing some basic characteristics of humanity and stuff gets a little easier … and maybe not just for me but for the next trainee that maybe gets credited with some sense and sensibility. Don’t make it out to be more than it is.”
I heard him mutter, “I hate female logic. You twist a guy’s tail on purpose.”
That caused me to snicker at his expense, but the brouhaha was averted. I’ll say this for Cooper, there were days he could be as dense as lead with a temper as hot as molten iron … but he didn’t carry a grudge and rarely had an attitude. He was just a good ol’ boy that had his opinions of how things worked, including how “feeeemales” worked, and someone better than me was going to have to be the one to enlighten him where he was wrong.
I was beat but next day was an academics day for me and I had homework to finish. Jan and Jen offered to sit with me but I knew they wanted to go to the movie with the guys so I told them thanks but didn’t want to ruin their plans.
“You sure?”
“Yep. I have a date with my consumer math book and it can’t be put off. I am going to be sorry to miss the popcorn and hot chocolate but that’s life. I’ll catch it on the next go around.” What I didn’t add was that I was on my period for the first time in a while and was feeling pretty crappy as a result. I wouldn’t have minded one of those iron drinks in fact.
Bam-Bam just did not want to settle down in his carrier so I wound up having to put my bed covers on the floor and sit there with him while he wore himself out scootching around and getting more exercise than he generally did in the sling I carried him around in. I did my math work and then copied the latest books I had downloaded from the library onto the ubernet cube. Then I added some French knots along the hem of a shirt I was refashioning. Bam-Bam and I ran out of steam about the same time and I crawled up on the bed with only enough energy left to make a nest of our of the covers and go to sleep.
I felt a little better in the morning but not one hundred percent. I caught Nurse Gilroy and despite being embarrassed I asked if I could have a shot of one of the iron drinks. She understood the euphemism and pulled me to the side and asked if I needed any other supplies. “No ma’am. I have all I need. Just if I’m going to make it through academics without face planting into my tablet I need something.”
“Understood. Do you have any comfort measures that make you feel better?”
“Huh?”
“Chocolate, you get the munchies …”
I shuddered. “No. Definitely no. I usually get too nauseous to eat but I’m thinking maybe one of those iron drinks might … you know … make me not feel so unplugged. I’d like to try anyway. This is the first real … you know … since Bam-Bam was conceived and … I don’t get cranky or crybaby but … it is just hard to stay plugged in when all I want to do is sleep.”
“Hmm. We’ll try it this month. If it helps, I’m going to suggest dietary changes rather than supplements. I might run another blood panel to check for iron absorption. You keep me in the loop Doe.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said politely, and even gratefully, but I just wanted to escape. I really did have a hard time being around people when I was feeling like this. All I really wanted to do was go back to bed but that wasn’t happening not the least of which is because Bam-Bam woke up king of the world and anxious to interact with his kingdom.
Jeepcats27
Senior Member
I've been re-reading alot of what Kathy has been pulling here. Thank you!
GOD, has his reasons, they are hard to under stand some times, but they work.
He wanted to find you a loving home, no matter your problems or looks !
CHAPTER 20
“McCormick!”
I sat up suddenly trying to figure out where I was and why Jan was yelling. “Girl you are about to fall asleep in your tray. You feeling okay?”
I blink and then jumped because Bam-Bam wasn’t in his sling. “’S ok,” a gravel and glass voice told me giving me something to focus on. I was relieved to see Quiet Guy sitting there and holding Bam-Bam, letting him try out “standing” on his legs and then flopping his diaper covered butt back down.
“Sorry,” I whispered trying to scrub my face and wake up.
“Uh uh,” he said before wincing when Bam-Bam decided grabbed his ear with his baby nails that needed trimming and then squealing in success.
“You sure? Because you’ll probably need hearing aids if he does that too many times. Trust me; I know.”
Quiet Guy gave a contented grin and said once again, “’S ok.”
Jan asked again, “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. The stars are just realigning.”
“Er …”
That’s when Cooper, in typical fashion said, “She’s on the rag.”
I looked at him in all seriousness and said, “One of these days some girl is going to kill you very dead.”
“My sisters have already tried. Multiple times.”
“Because you were dropped on your head?”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “They tried that too. I’m the youngest of eight. The other seven are all girls. Stair steps. All my cousins are girls too. My dad took off so early I can’t even remember him. My aunts never married. Granny wished she hadn’t. Why do you think I left home and joined the military as soon as I could?”
“I suppose that would be adequate motivation,” I told him, feeling like I was finally figuring out why Cooper was so Cooper-ish on occasion.
“Adequate motivation,” he said on a chuff of laughter. “I’m gonna have to remember that one. I think I like it.”
“Glad it makes you happy,” I told him dryly. Turning to Quiet Guy I asked with a little embarrassment. “Can you hold him … um … just a minute? I’ll be back as quick as … um …”
“Go. Be right here.”
“Thanks.”
I didn’t realize I’d been observed but I came out of the bathroom to be confronted by Trudeau and Mickey.
“Aw gawd, what now?” I mumbled. “Look guys, I appreciate I am probably screwing up some universal truth or whatever but I’m in a sucky mood and feel like crap so can you be gentle when you rake me across the coals?”
That stopped them for a minute … long enough that they really got a look at me. “Ooo, Sister … you don’t look so good.”
“I don’t feel so good so just hurry up and call me out and then let me get back to my kid. The guys are a good sport, but I don’t want to impose on ‘em too much.”
Mickey said, “You ain’t backing off.”
“Backing off?” I’d washed my face and my brain finally was moving in the same direction as the rest of me so it only took a sec to figure out why he’d been giving me laser beam eyes off and on during lessons. “Oh you mean with Chief Clancy. Look, let’s be honest here. Doesn’t matter how I do, my name is never getting on that leader board and I could honestly care less. ‘K? I just have to get the work done they are throwing at me. I don’t know what you guys have waiting for you out there after graduation, but I don’t have squat beyond what I can figure for myself between now and then. I don’t have family of any flavor. I don’t have a gang or crew or friends or anything like that either. No roof, no walls, no bed, no spot, not even a skidmark on the road that I can put my name on. I need this … I don’t need whatever title fight you are trying to make it out to be … I just need to graduate with a decent grade so it gets me a job. The only way, and I mean the only way from what I’ve been warned, for me to graduate is for me to jump through all the hoops they decide to hang in front of me, and not do anything but ask how high and how often when they tell me to jump. So get off my freaking case already. I’m barely keeping up with everything I gotta do and my kid too. The lessons I complete are the minimum I’ve been set … I don’t have time to work ahead so leave me alone about it already. I’m not competing. I’m not out to take your place; but, I’m not going to fail just to keep you happy and unafraid either.”
That’s when Mitch shows up and says, “I heard the Judge interviewed you … again.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he like?”
“The Judge? Scary as heck if you cross him, barely less than that if you don’t. He doesn’t mess around. He wants the truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God and you better understand he’ll introduce you to Him fast if you screw up. Know what I mean?”
Mitch nodded. “Yeah. That’s what Cassie said. He’s the one who convinced her to rat out her ex’s bosses.”
“Whatever,” I said with a shrug. “It isn’t his expectations of other people I need to be concerned with; it is what he expects outta me.”
“And that is?”
I realized that of the three Mitch was probably the one with the ability to see the bigger picture and I hoped he’d take the time to explain it to his two overly self-involved and drama-prone friends. “Right now it is to do whatever it is they tell me to and to not screw up with my kid. I’ve been put where they’ve put me for their reasons and I’m just to hear and obey with a good attitude. I screw up and not only do I wash out, I lose Bam-Bam.” Getting mean I said, “And that ISN’T going to happen. So you keep on keeping your name on that stupid board however it takes you to keep it there. Not my problem, not my business. Me? I’m gonna keep on doing what they tell me to and not worry about anything or anyone else. And what they’re assigning me is kicking my butt just to do the bare minimum. I don’t have time for any other crap like popularity contests or leader boards. Or failing just to make someone else look better. Got it?” The last question was addressed to all three of them.
In what I was to come to learn was typical Trudeau rebuttal fashion he said, “You are obviously too hormonal to see our point. We’ll get back at you later.”
I finally made it back to the table and Dallas wanted to know, “Those three on your case?”
“Not really. They just are really gleek for Chief Clancy and there is some stupid leader board they want to make sure I don’t mess up. I keep telling them I could care less about that stupid board, but their self-esteem issues are making them hard of hearing.”
He snorted. “I heard they are the problem children of their program and use up way more oxygen than they need to.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I just need to do what I need to do.”
“And that is?” he asked in a weird echo of the conversation I’d just had.
“Keep up,” I answered. Bam-Bam chose that moment to inform the world that his majesty was ready for his dinner.
Taking him from Quiet Guy I told my kid, “You know I totally love you right? But on occasion could you be just a little less like a tyrant?” His only response was loud raspberries which set the whole table laughing.
We got up and Quiet Guy grabbed my tray and said, “Sleep.”
“I wish,” I told him. “I have a first draft I have to finish on an essay about the pros and cons of capitalism. And I have some sewing to catch up on too for Chief Larkin. I also need to finish knitting the other sock for Bam-Bam to wear under his footed onesies because Lincoln and Markham told me Staff are expecting an early winter with maybe some earlier than normal snowfall. I’ve never seen snow, but it is supposed to be cold.”
His mouth fell open and he just looked at me.
“What?”
“Never … seen snow?”
“Well pictures of it sure. I’m not a complete idiot. But I’ve never seen it, seen it as in actually touched it and stuff.”
He looked concerned and then nodded. “I … will … talk to … Jackson.”
“Huh? No! I can figure it out.”
“No,” he said shaking his head. “Need … training. Need … to … to practice … how to dress … before it snows. Wet cold … is different.”
While I appreciated his concern it only made me worried that I was going to like snow a whole lot less than I was thinking I would.
# # # # # # # # # #
Next day our next schedule came out and some of us were surprised with a day off. Our group didn’t exactly have a day off per se, but it was different from normal and interesting all the same. We went on what they called a field trip to the forestry headquarters and a Cherokee ranger told us about the history of the Cherokee people in general and specifically about those that remained in Georgia after the Trail of Tears. We also were taught more advanced fire-starting techniques and then once we had a fire going, we had a weenie roast then ate s’mores.
I was looking at the others in our group and got thoughtful. Dallas spotted it though I tried to hide it. He made his way over to me and then quietly asked what was up.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that Doe. It is something so spit it out.”
His tone was friendly, but I could tell he was serious at the same time and rather than run the risk of creating a scene I told him, “This is … kid stuff I guess. I can see why and how they think it is okay to do this to me but you guys … all of you including Lincoln and Markham … are close to cut off age and yet they still think weenie roasts and roasting marshmallows should do it for you. Are you guys having to … I guess I’m just wondering if you guys are putting up with this and pretending to have fun or … or just what.”
He relaxed like maybe he’d been thinking something worse and told me, “Kiddo, you learn to find enjoyment in the simple things. And yeah, I know that makes me sound like an ass and a few years ago I would have thought the same thing had someone said it to me … but it’s the truth. Sure, I could go for a hot toddy that actually had some toddy in it but that’s just life; learn to enjoy what you have rather than what you don’t. And to be honest maybe I might want that toddy, but I don’t need it and maybe shouldn’t have it just yet. Life isn’t what it used to be. I’m not the man I used to be. Hell, none of us are. We need to learn to get along with what we have and not bitch and moan about what we used to have.”
“Yeah, fine, I get that … trust me, I do get it. But you guys are older. I’m still used to people sticking me at the kiddie table for everything. It’ll be until summer before I’m even legal. All of y’all are … look, I just wanted to know if you guys were being forced to slow down because I can’t keep up … or something like that I guess. Because I may not feel like a kid anymore, but I know I’m still more kid than you guys are.”
He snorted. “You worry too much about other people and what they think. And you can get that look off your face ‘cause you do whether you want to admit it or not. You having fun doing this? Then don’t go looking to feel guilty about that. How we react to something is on us. And for the record, I like hot dogs and s’mores. Nice simple food and something we won’t get in the mess hall. And the Chief is making sure we get enough to eat rather than all that weight control, so-called super nutritious stuff everyone else has to eat. You noticed Jan and Jen lately?”
Having noticed they’d trimmed up some I nodded. “Yeah, but they seem happy about it.”
“Good if that’s what they want but they weren’t bad looking chicks to start with and a man likes more than gristle and bone to hold onto when he’s in the mood to hold onto something … or someone. And relax, we’ve already talked it out amongst us; the wanting might be there, and hell wasn’t that a surprise since I’d been told … just never mind what I’d been told … but we all got priorities and don’t want to go looking for the scope to screw up our chances. So that stuff stays in check. This? This isn’t kid stuff so much as it’s … nostalgia. Yeah, that’s what it is. Nostalgia. Back to better times. That’s not a bad thing so stop worrying it to death and just enjoy yourself while you have a chance. Life isn’t going to get easier any time soon. Got it?”
Yeah. I got it. Sort of. I tried to just relax and let things be okay. I even smiled when Quiet Guy took a weenie off the stick he’d been using and gave it to me. My smile made him smile and I finally started to see that they were relaxed in a way they weren’t normally. But for me, I kept hearing the long black train that was coming down the track. Maybe I’d gotten away from it for a while, out run it for a little bit, but it was still coming and one of these days it was going to catch back up.
# # # # # # # # # #
That night I had been more or less ordered to join the rest of the family groups for an in-door play date. Jen told me, “People are going to notice if you go there looking like you are approaching a guillotine.”
Shrugging I said, “I know. I’m working on my attitude, but I have homework to do and … and Bam-Bam is too young to play so where does that leave me?”
“Who knows. But make the best of it. If nothing else try and scope out if you get extra stuff because of your kid. You don’t want to leave that kind of stuff on the table.”
Quiet Guy patted my shoulder a couple of times in commiseration since it was obvious he hated group activities outside of the few in our more intimate group; but, then he gently pushed me to move in the direction I needed to head. I didn’t want to seem like a kid afraid of the first day of school but that’s pretty much how I felt anyway.
As my luck would have it, it was nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. We had to wear “my name is” stickers, even the little kids had them on. And they had these gawd-awful teddy bears and toys on them. Ugh. Then there were these getting-to-know-you activities where you had to say your name and then remember other people’s names in the group. Then we were given notepaper and we had to go around to other trainees and ask the dumbest questions like favorite color, favorite food, hobby, where they were from, and that sort of thing. The one I hated the worst was what their future plans were. Everyone seemed to have something really thoughtful or cool. Trudeau wanted to own his own salon in Atlanta. Mitch wanted to save up enough money to buy into his brother’s business, the only person that fully accepted his life choices. Mickey wanted to go to college and maybe eventually teach in one of the new diversity communities that had started to pop up. There was a girl there named Rhonda that wanted to be a chef and eventually have her own restaurant. Another that wanted to be a social worker and another who said she wouldn’t mind being a lawyer for juvenile offenders. The girl Tracy that I met my first day at The Farm wanted to be a makeup artist for horror films and even had her twin boys made up like little werewolves … which honestly wasn’t far from their real nature. (shudder) All I could say when I was asked that question was that I wanted a job that would pay the bills so Bam-Bam and I could stay together.
After the kids got rid of some of their wiggles and got tired out, we had like a closing gab session about personal goals and Chief Delray complimented everyone but then she came to me and tried to get me to be more specific.
“I honestly don’t care what the job is. I’ll do anything to put food on the table for Bam-Bam, clothes on his back, and a roof over his head.”
“But what about personal goals for you.”
“That is my personal goal. It was my choice to have and keep Bam-Bam. It is my choice to do what it takes to make that happen rather than see him get dumped in foster care like I was. I’m not going to suddenly get picky or have unrealistic plans because that will net me the exact opposite of what I want.”
“And what about finishing college? You already took classes despite still being in high school. You put on your application it was something you wanted to finish.”
I nodded. “Sure, but only if it gets me a better way to take care of Bam-Bam. And that’s down the road anyway. I’m not going to graduate from The Farm and suddenly be gifted with a pile of money to go to school with. I’ve got reason to know that scholarships are unlikely too, or at least the kind that don’t come with a lot of strings and a big payback plan. And even if there is money for school, that would come at the price of a roof and someone taking care of Bam-Bam while I was in class. If I can keep a roof over our heads, food in our mouths, and take online classes that will help me advance in whatever company I go to work for, I’ll figure out a way to pay for it. But I’ve been reading and listening to what goes on with people when they graduate from this place. Most of the jobs are entry level if that, most are manual labor of some type. Sometimes all you get is day labor at a work camp with a contract for three or six months and a stipend that too many people probably spend rather than save.”
“Be that as it may …”
“Chief, I’m just a first semester scrub that hasn’t even been sorted into a training program yet. Until I am, I can’t even begin to guess what I’m going to have to work with to figure out what a realistic plan is going to look like. So right now my goal is to be able to take care of my kid and myself without being a burden on society and staying out of trouble. Maybe my dreams can get bigger after I get that locked down but until then I’m just taking things one step at a time and prioritizing my needs and keeping my wants in check. I chose to keep Bam-Bam, that means I choose to give up something else and the first something else I had to give up was putting myself first. After I make sure that Bam-Bam can grow up, then I’ll expand my horizons or whatever you want to call it.”
“Hmmm,” was all she said before going on to the next trainee who had as a goal to be the lead dancer for a touring group and that she was going to send money home to her mother so her little girl could live there. The girl who said it was twenty-three years old and didn’t look in the kind of shape she needed to be to be part of a touring group, much less a lead dancer, I thought she was a little crazy but it amazed me when others in the group treated her like it was obvious that’s what she should be. They said it was a great idea to leave the little girl and she was being so generous to say she was going to send money to her mother that way. My mouth almost made a comment, but my brain stopped it in time. I didn’t want to be accused of being mean or jealous or worse, holding someone back from their “full potential.”
I don’t know, maybe dreams make it easier for them to get through their day, but it made me wonder what some of them were going to do when real life slapped them in the face when they left The Farm. It also made me think less of Chief Delray that she would treat us like first graders reading a report on what we wanted to be when we grew up. Because the truth was that plane had already left the ground; instead of dreaming impossible dreams, we needed to be thinking what we were going to do to pay the bills now that we were grown up.
“McCormick!”
I sat up suddenly trying to figure out where I was and why Jan was yelling. “Girl you are about to fall asleep in your tray. You feeling okay?”
I blink and then jumped because Bam-Bam wasn’t in his sling. “’S ok,” a gravel and glass voice told me giving me something to focus on. I was relieved to see Quiet Guy sitting there and holding Bam-Bam, letting him try out “standing” on his legs and then flopping his diaper covered butt back down.
“Sorry,” I whispered trying to scrub my face and wake up.
“Uh uh,” he said before wincing when Bam-Bam decided grabbed his ear with his baby nails that needed trimming and then squealing in success.
“You sure? Because you’ll probably need hearing aids if he does that too many times. Trust me; I know.”
Quiet Guy gave a contented grin and said once again, “’S ok.”
Jan asked again, “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. The stars are just realigning.”
“Er …”
That’s when Cooper, in typical fashion said, “She’s on the rag.”
I looked at him in all seriousness and said, “One of these days some girl is going to kill you very dead.”
“My sisters have already tried. Multiple times.”
“Because you were dropped on your head?”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “They tried that too. I’m the youngest of eight. The other seven are all girls. Stair steps. All my cousins are girls too. My dad took off so early I can’t even remember him. My aunts never married. Granny wished she hadn’t. Why do you think I left home and joined the military as soon as I could?”
“I suppose that would be adequate motivation,” I told him, feeling like I was finally figuring out why Cooper was so Cooper-ish on occasion.
“Adequate motivation,” he said on a chuff of laughter. “I’m gonna have to remember that one. I think I like it.”
“Glad it makes you happy,” I told him dryly. Turning to Quiet Guy I asked with a little embarrassment. “Can you hold him … um … just a minute? I’ll be back as quick as … um …”
“Go. Be right here.”
“Thanks.”
I didn’t realize I’d been observed but I came out of the bathroom to be confronted by Trudeau and Mickey.
“Aw gawd, what now?” I mumbled. “Look guys, I appreciate I am probably screwing up some universal truth or whatever but I’m in a sucky mood and feel like crap so can you be gentle when you rake me across the coals?”
That stopped them for a minute … long enough that they really got a look at me. “Ooo, Sister … you don’t look so good.”
“I don’t feel so good so just hurry up and call me out and then let me get back to my kid. The guys are a good sport, but I don’t want to impose on ‘em too much.”
Mickey said, “You ain’t backing off.”
“Backing off?” I’d washed my face and my brain finally was moving in the same direction as the rest of me so it only took a sec to figure out why he’d been giving me laser beam eyes off and on during lessons. “Oh you mean with Chief Clancy. Look, let’s be honest here. Doesn’t matter how I do, my name is never getting on that leader board and I could honestly care less. ‘K? I just have to get the work done they are throwing at me. I don’t know what you guys have waiting for you out there after graduation, but I don’t have squat beyond what I can figure for myself between now and then. I don’t have family of any flavor. I don’t have a gang or crew or friends or anything like that either. No roof, no walls, no bed, no spot, not even a skidmark on the road that I can put my name on. I need this … I don’t need whatever title fight you are trying to make it out to be … I just need to graduate with a decent grade so it gets me a job. The only way, and I mean the only way from what I’ve been warned, for me to graduate is for me to jump through all the hoops they decide to hang in front of me, and not do anything but ask how high and how often when they tell me to jump. So get off my freaking case already. I’m barely keeping up with everything I gotta do and my kid too. The lessons I complete are the minimum I’ve been set … I don’t have time to work ahead so leave me alone about it already. I’m not competing. I’m not out to take your place; but, I’m not going to fail just to keep you happy and unafraid either.”
That’s when Mitch shows up and says, “I heard the Judge interviewed you … again.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he like?”
“The Judge? Scary as heck if you cross him, barely less than that if you don’t. He doesn’t mess around. He wants the truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God and you better understand he’ll introduce you to Him fast if you screw up. Know what I mean?”
Mitch nodded. “Yeah. That’s what Cassie said. He’s the one who convinced her to rat out her ex’s bosses.”
“Whatever,” I said with a shrug. “It isn’t his expectations of other people I need to be concerned with; it is what he expects outta me.”
“And that is?”
I realized that of the three Mitch was probably the one with the ability to see the bigger picture and I hoped he’d take the time to explain it to his two overly self-involved and drama-prone friends. “Right now it is to do whatever it is they tell me to and to not screw up with my kid. I’ve been put where they’ve put me for their reasons and I’m just to hear and obey with a good attitude. I screw up and not only do I wash out, I lose Bam-Bam.” Getting mean I said, “And that ISN’T going to happen. So you keep on keeping your name on that stupid board however it takes you to keep it there. Not my problem, not my business. Me? I’m gonna keep on doing what they tell me to and not worry about anything or anyone else. And what they’re assigning me is kicking my butt just to do the bare minimum. I don’t have time for any other crap like popularity contests or leader boards. Or failing just to make someone else look better. Got it?” The last question was addressed to all three of them.
In what I was to come to learn was typical Trudeau rebuttal fashion he said, “You are obviously too hormonal to see our point. We’ll get back at you later.”
I finally made it back to the table and Dallas wanted to know, “Those three on your case?”
“Not really. They just are really gleek for Chief Clancy and there is some stupid leader board they want to make sure I don’t mess up. I keep telling them I could care less about that stupid board, but their self-esteem issues are making them hard of hearing.”
He snorted. “I heard they are the problem children of their program and use up way more oxygen than they need to.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I just need to do what I need to do.”
“And that is?” he asked in a weird echo of the conversation I’d just had.
“Keep up,” I answered. Bam-Bam chose that moment to inform the world that his majesty was ready for his dinner.
Taking him from Quiet Guy I told my kid, “You know I totally love you right? But on occasion could you be just a little less like a tyrant?” His only response was loud raspberries which set the whole table laughing.
We got up and Quiet Guy grabbed my tray and said, “Sleep.”
“I wish,” I told him. “I have a first draft I have to finish on an essay about the pros and cons of capitalism. And I have some sewing to catch up on too for Chief Larkin. I also need to finish knitting the other sock for Bam-Bam to wear under his footed onesies because Lincoln and Markham told me Staff are expecting an early winter with maybe some earlier than normal snowfall. I’ve never seen snow, but it is supposed to be cold.”
His mouth fell open and he just looked at me.
“What?”
“Never … seen snow?”
“Well pictures of it sure. I’m not a complete idiot. But I’ve never seen it, seen it as in actually touched it and stuff.”
He looked concerned and then nodded. “I … will … talk to … Jackson.”
“Huh? No! I can figure it out.”
“No,” he said shaking his head. “Need … training. Need … to … to practice … how to dress … before it snows. Wet cold … is different.”
While I appreciated his concern it only made me worried that I was going to like snow a whole lot less than I was thinking I would.
# # # # # # # # # #
Next day our next schedule came out and some of us were surprised with a day off. Our group didn’t exactly have a day off per se, but it was different from normal and interesting all the same. We went on what they called a field trip to the forestry headquarters and a Cherokee ranger told us about the history of the Cherokee people in general and specifically about those that remained in Georgia after the Trail of Tears. We also were taught more advanced fire-starting techniques and then once we had a fire going, we had a weenie roast then ate s’mores.
I was looking at the others in our group and got thoughtful. Dallas spotted it though I tried to hide it. He made his way over to me and then quietly asked what was up.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that Doe. It is something so spit it out.”
His tone was friendly, but I could tell he was serious at the same time and rather than run the risk of creating a scene I told him, “This is … kid stuff I guess. I can see why and how they think it is okay to do this to me but you guys … all of you including Lincoln and Markham … are close to cut off age and yet they still think weenie roasts and roasting marshmallows should do it for you. Are you guys having to … I guess I’m just wondering if you guys are putting up with this and pretending to have fun or … or just what.”
He relaxed like maybe he’d been thinking something worse and told me, “Kiddo, you learn to find enjoyment in the simple things. And yeah, I know that makes me sound like an ass and a few years ago I would have thought the same thing had someone said it to me … but it’s the truth. Sure, I could go for a hot toddy that actually had some toddy in it but that’s just life; learn to enjoy what you have rather than what you don’t. And to be honest maybe I might want that toddy, but I don’t need it and maybe shouldn’t have it just yet. Life isn’t what it used to be. I’m not the man I used to be. Hell, none of us are. We need to learn to get along with what we have and not bitch and moan about what we used to have.”
“Yeah, fine, I get that … trust me, I do get it. But you guys are older. I’m still used to people sticking me at the kiddie table for everything. It’ll be until summer before I’m even legal. All of y’all are … look, I just wanted to know if you guys were being forced to slow down because I can’t keep up … or something like that I guess. Because I may not feel like a kid anymore, but I know I’m still more kid than you guys are.”
He snorted. “You worry too much about other people and what they think. And you can get that look off your face ‘cause you do whether you want to admit it or not. You having fun doing this? Then don’t go looking to feel guilty about that. How we react to something is on us. And for the record, I like hot dogs and s’mores. Nice simple food and something we won’t get in the mess hall. And the Chief is making sure we get enough to eat rather than all that weight control, so-called super nutritious stuff everyone else has to eat. You noticed Jan and Jen lately?”
Having noticed they’d trimmed up some I nodded. “Yeah, but they seem happy about it.”
“Good if that’s what they want but they weren’t bad looking chicks to start with and a man likes more than gristle and bone to hold onto when he’s in the mood to hold onto something … or someone. And relax, we’ve already talked it out amongst us; the wanting might be there, and hell wasn’t that a surprise since I’d been told … just never mind what I’d been told … but we all got priorities and don’t want to go looking for the scope to screw up our chances. So that stuff stays in check. This? This isn’t kid stuff so much as it’s … nostalgia. Yeah, that’s what it is. Nostalgia. Back to better times. That’s not a bad thing so stop worrying it to death and just enjoy yourself while you have a chance. Life isn’t going to get easier any time soon. Got it?”
Yeah. I got it. Sort of. I tried to just relax and let things be okay. I even smiled when Quiet Guy took a weenie off the stick he’d been using and gave it to me. My smile made him smile and I finally started to see that they were relaxed in a way they weren’t normally. But for me, I kept hearing the long black train that was coming down the track. Maybe I’d gotten away from it for a while, out run it for a little bit, but it was still coming and one of these days it was going to catch back up.
# # # # # # # # # #
That night I had been more or less ordered to join the rest of the family groups for an in-door play date. Jen told me, “People are going to notice if you go there looking like you are approaching a guillotine.”
Shrugging I said, “I know. I’m working on my attitude, but I have homework to do and … and Bam-Bam is too young to play so where does that leave me?”
“Who knows. But make the best of it. If nothing else try and scope out if you get extra stuff because of your kid. You don’t want to leave that kind of stuff on the table.”
Quiet Guy patted my shoulder a couple of times in commiseration since it was obvious he hated group activities outside of the few in our more intimate group; but, then he gently pushed me to move in the direction I needed to head. I didn’t want to seem like a kid afraid of the first day of school but that’s pretty much how I felt anyway.
As my luck would have it, it was nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. We had to wear “my name is” stickers, even the little kids had them on. And they had these gawd-awful teddy bears and toys on them. Ugh. Then there were these getting-to-know-you activities where you had to say your name and then remember other people’s names in the group. Then we were given notepaper and we had to go around to other trainees and ask the dumbest questions like favorite color, favorite food, hobby, where they were from, and that sort of thing. The one I hated the worst was what their future plans were. Everyone seemed to have something really thoughtful or cool. Trudeau wanted to own his own salon in Atlanta. Mitch wanted to save up enough money to buy into his brother’s business, the only person that fully accepted his life choices. Mickey wanted to go to college and maybe eventually teach in one of the new diversity communities that had started to pop up. There was a girl there named Rhonda that wanted to be a chef and eventually have her own restaurant. Another that wanted to be a social worker and another who said she wouldn’t mind being a lawyer for juvenile offenders. The girl Tracy that I met my first day at The Farm wanted to be a makeup artist for horror films and even had her twin boys made up like little werewolves … which honestly wasn’t far from their real nature. (shudder) All I could say when I was asked that question was that I wanted a job that would pay the bills so Bam-Bam and I could stay together.
After the kids got rid of some of their wiggles and got tired out, we had like a closing gab session about personal goals and Chief Delray complimented everyone but then she came to me and tried to get me to be more specific.
“I honestly don’t care what the job is. I’ll do anything to put food on the table for Bam-Bam, clothes on his back, and a roof over his head.”
“But what about personal goals for you.”
“That is my personal goal. It was my choice to have and keep Bam-Bam. It is my choice to do what it takes to make that happen rather than see him get dumped in foster care like I was. I’m not going to suddenly get picky or have unrealistic plans because that will net me the exact opposite of what I want.”
“And what about finishing college? You already took classes despite still being in high school. You put on your application it was something you wanted to finish.”
I nodded. “Sure, but only if it gets me a better way to take care of Bam-Bam. And that’s down the road anyway. I’m not going to graduate from The Farm and suddenly be gifted with a pile of money to go to school with. I’ve got reason to know that scholarships are unlikely too, or at least the kind that don’t come with a lot of strings and a big payback plan. And even if there is money for school, that would come at the price of a roof and someone taking care of Bam-Bam while I was in class. If I can keep a roof over our heads, food in our mouths, and take online classes that will help me advance in whatever company I go to work for, I’ll figure out a way to pay for it. But I’ve been reading and listening to what goes on with people when they graduate from this place. Most of the jobs are entry level if that, most are manual labor of some type. Sometimes all you get is day labor at a work camp with a contract for three or six months and a stipend that too many people probably spend rather than save.”
“Be that as it may …”
“Chief, I’m just a first semester scrub that hasn’t even been sorted into a training program yet. Until I am, I can’t even begin to guess what I’m going to have to work with to figure out what a realistic plan is going to look like. So right now my goal is to be able to take care of my kid and myself without being a burden on society and staying out of trouble. Maybe my dreams can get bigger after I get that locked down but until then I’m just taking things one step at a time and prioritizing my needs and keeping my wants in check. I chose to keep Bam-Bam, that means I choose to give up something else and the first something else I had to give up was putting myself first. After I make sure that Bam-Bam can grow up, then I’ll expand my horizons or whatever you want to call it.”
“Hmmm,” was all she said before going on to the next trainee who had as a goal to be the lead dancer for a touring group and that she was going to send money home to her mother so her little girl could live there. The girl who said it was twenty-three years old and didn’t look in the kind of shape she needed to be to be part of a touring group, much less a lead dancer, I thought she was a little crazy but it amazed me when others in the group treated her like it was obvious that’s what she should be. They said it was a great idea to leave the little girl and she was being so generous to say she was going to send money to her mother that way. My mouth almost made a comment, but my brain stopped it in time. I didn’t want to be accused of being mean or jealous or worse, holding someone back from their “full potential.”
I don’t know, maybe dreams make it easier for them to get through their day, but it made me wonder what some of them were going to do when real life slapped them in the face when they left The Farm. It also made me think less of Chief Delray that she would treat us like first graders reading a report on what we wanted to be when we grew up. Because the truth was that plane had already left the ground; instead of dreaming impossible dreams, we needed to be thinking what we were going to do to pay the bills now that we were grown up.
CHAPTER 21 (Part 1)
Thanksgiving came and went and was just as quiet as Chief Jackson had said it would be, just with a special meal with all the fixings. It was still more than I’d had the year before.
December was nice – cold but nice – the first two weeks and we started learning about mushrooms and had more advanced lessons on wild root foods like burdock and how to preserve stuff that you’ve harvested for later use. From the beginning of the third week on into the beginning of January it was one snow storm after another. That didn’t excuse our group from outdoor training, but it did slow down our interaction with the big group training sessions.
With it being just our small group, we became more comfortable with each other. I stopped being embarrassed when Quiet Guy would share body warmth with me during our breaks. He had a survival blanket that we would use to wrap around us and we’d put Bam-Bam between us so I could nurse him without freezing off a certain body part. I stopped being embarrassed when he would catch a squirrel or rabbit and spit it and roast it while we were out hiking and drilling and then would insist that I eat some of it. I stopped being embarrassed when he would grab me by the seat of my pants to keep me from going down on icy sidewalks and trails. He wasn’t grabbing my butt, he was keeping me from falling on my butt.
There were things he stopped being embarrassed by too. He stopped being embarrassed when I would fix his socks, gloves, and other clothes that got wrecked up from all the outdoorsy stuff we were doing. He stopped being embarrassed when he and the others discovered I’d started saving the sumac drupes back in November and used honey from the dining hall to make a hot drink while we were out “in the field.” Even Chief Jackson got in on that and it became like a ritual for our group. And when I found that Quiet Guy’s scars were becoming dry and painful, I gave him the bottle of coconut oil that I had from the hygiene stuff I had taken way back when at the halfway house.
Even I know that guys don’t like being giving personal hygiene items in public, so I waited until he showed up to the dining hall and then caught him before he went inside – luckily by himself as he had to go change socks after our hike – and told him to put it in his pocket for later. He tried to push it back into my hands.
“Look, I’m not lifting up my pants legs in this cold but if I did you’d see where I have some nasty ones … or they would be nasty if Mom hadn’t found that coconut oil actually helps to get rid of scars. So you can still see mine but they don’t feel like they are aching and tearing anymore when they get dry. Just take a shower, go back to your room, put some on the scars and let it dry on its own. A little goes a long way. And even if it doesn’t make it 100% better, some better has to be better than none even if all it does is make them stop drying out and cracking.”
He looked like he was going to refuse then he asked angrily, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“This. Why … you … do this.”
“Oh, you mean why give you the coconut oil?” He nodded like he was PO’d in the extreme. I told him, “Because … doggone it. Look, I’m not going to give you a blasted dissertation. I just … look, it’s … it’s … nice. Okay? It’s just nice to … have a friend. It’s nice not to feel like I’m the only one on the freaking planet that really cares about Bam-Bam. It’s … look, it’s just nice and I know I’m not going to have it forever and I want … to … to show I appreciate it. And not … not act like I am the freaking center of the universe and not just act like I’m entitled to it all without putting stuff back into it. I want to make good memories to have when it is gone … and for you to remember me with good memories too. So, stop making things so frelling complicated and difficult and just put the stupid oil in your pocket and use it. I did it because I wanted to, that’s why. Got it?”
The mad slowly left his face. “Got it,” he whispered. “Doe …”
“Relax. I know you don’t think of me like … like the guys try and pretend they don’t think of Jan and Jen. And like Jan and Jen try to pretend they don’t think of the guys. We aren’t doing the dreaded fraternization. And that it is mostly Bam-Bam because he eases an aching hurt you have. I know it. I’m okay with it. And I don’t think you are just feeling sorry for me otherwise I wouldn’t be okay with it. You can’t help that you are part sheep dog. Better you get to practice that part of your personality on someone who appreciates it for what it is than get your feelings hurt because people can be total jerks. ‘K? So can we drop this already? I do what I do because I choose to. You do what you do for the same reason. Enough said already.”
I probably would have skipped dinner if I hadn’t been so hungry. It bothered me to be questioned about my motives. I didn’t want questions because I didn’t want to have to think about the answers, whether I said them or not. So I admit that I knew I was getting a little too use to Quiet Guy being there. It was nice, with no strings attached and nothing much asked in return. And looking back I realized it was a bit like family and that I was going to miss them in a big way when they were gone. Even Cooper who could be at least as weird as me but didn’t have a malicious bone in his body as far as I could tell. And to be perfectly honest maybe the things I did in return was to make sure they missed me too when the inevitable parting happened. But I wasn’t thinking it any more than I could help it then, and I sure as heck never explained how I felt to anyone.
Another reason I wanted to skip out on dinner was because on every side people were discussing the holidays. We weren’t allowed to practice the religious meaning of Christmas – or at least not outside of our own rooms – but the secular holidays were a big deal to some. I’d left that stuff behind … or I kept telling myself that. I didn’t want to join the “Secret Santa” group. I didn’t feel comfortable joining the “religious Christmas” crowd either. I did sign up Bam-Bam for a stocking though what in the heck would come his way I didn’t know. I was supposed to ask for something for him and all I could think was a rubber duck he could chew on or some story books or foam blocks that he could eventually play with. We’d graduated to a few other sign words but he still mostly knew “duck” and “milk” and “eat.” He recognized “mom” and I’d noticed he’d started open and closing his hand when he wanted something. He also had a particular movement he would make when he saw Chay.
I wanted to try and put a good face on it, not be a hypocrite after saying that holidays are what we make of them, but memories were crowding me and the more recent sad ones seem to get more air time in my brain than the older and better ones. I got through the holidays but only because I had no choice.
Bam-Bam got a stocking and in it was a board book that was a little kid’s version of the story “The Ugly Duckling.” There was also a chew toy shaped like a duck. That told me that someone was paying attention because I was pretty sure that the “duck” theme wasn’t accidental. I appreciated it and so did Bam-Bam. Being almost four months old Bam-Bam was willing, ready, and able to enjoy both of his new toys and in fact pitched a bit of a fit when he had to leave them behind when we left the room. I know he didn’t exactly know what they were or where they came from, but they were something new in his little world and he liked the bright colors.
Meals that day were picnic style. The week before everyone had joined in to help prepare foods that could be served throughout the day so that everyone got a day off. Breakfast was a kind of breakfast burrito that you could either eat cold or take out to the “bonfire” that was kept burning through the day and warm it up that way. Some of the staff didn’t even make an appearance, not that too many noticed. The day was spent just messing around.
I came out of my room for lunch and decided to find someplace quiet to eat. I headed to the trail head that was on the other side of Chief Jackson’s office. Lunch was a sandwich, veggie chips. fruit paste, and miniature gingersnap cookies that had a little bit too much ginger in them for my preference since I didn’t have any milk. I tucked the cookies in my pocket to give to the guys on our next hike and let Bam-Bam taste a little bit of the fruit paste on my finger – yes they were clean – but he just made a face and started sucking on his fist instead.
I jumped as a shadow fell across me. “Not interested in socializing?”
I looked up to see Chief Jackson standing there and answered, “Is it a requirement?”
“No. So long as you aren’t out here just because you are pouting.”
I sighed, tired of everyone acting like I was a kid because at that moment I was feeling what I imagine really old feels like. “No, I’m not pouting.”
“Then what is it?”
I stood up to go back inside, no longer having what little appetite I’d had. “Sorry to bother you Chief.”
“You didn’t answer my question Trainee.”
I looked at him and said, “I … miss … my … parents.”
He didn’t or couldn’t come up with a comment to that so I turned and left and tossed my lunch to Trudeau as I passed where a bunch of them were hanging out. He asked, “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
I walked back into my room and prayed everyone would just leave me alone so I could hold my crap together until the day was over with. There were a couple of knocks on the door that I ignored and I thought I was home free enough that when things quieted down because everyone was outside at the bonfire fun, I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and wash the stink off of Bam-Bam as well.
It was cold and I was regretting showering as by the time I got us both back to the room it we were freezing. The problem was when I walked into the room I found Lincoln and Markham.
“There you are,” Markahm said like she was relieved.
“Shower,” I muttered as I tried to figure out how to get them to leave so that Bam-Bam and I could burrow into our covers.
Lincoln shook her head. “You’re hardheaded.”
“Huh?”
She snorted. “I said you’re hardheaded. Don’t try and pull that you’re hard of hearing as well. Get over here and wrap up before one or the both of you come down with a cold.”
“Er … did you stop by for something in particular?”
“This is an intervention.”
The look on my face much have been pretty spectacular because the two women suddenly started laughing. “Uh …”
Lincoln said after calming down, “You worried Chief Jackson. You worried him enough that he hunted us up to check on you.”
I did not want to talk about it, but they looked like they’d settle in to wait me out if I didn’t give the something to chew on and leave me along. “You know what I said about the holidays? Well, maybe saying it is a lot easier than the follow through.”
Markham nodded. “Lots of things in life are. He said you were missing your parents.”
“I never pegged Chief Jackson as the meddlesome, do-gooder type.”
“As a general rule he isn’t,” agreed Lincoln. “But you’ve managed to hold your own when everyone expected you to at least complain a little bit … and you haven’t. Not even when it is obvious it is costing you big to keep up. So maybe that gets you a little respect you might not otherwise get and maybe the way you are acting today is so out of character that he can’t compute it.”
“If I could ‘compute’ it for him I would. I didn’t plan on feeling like I feel, and I sure don’t want to make how I feel make other people feel like they have to do something about it. Maybe if Bam-Bam was older I could make myself go out there and act happy, but he isn’t and the idea of going out there to do the happy-happy only makes me nauseous. So I’m here, waiting for all the memories to stop marching through my head doing the rag time dance. Tomorrow there will be less reason and I’ll be better.”
“What did you do last year that’s different … besides the obvious … that got you through?”
I snorted. “Are you serious? There were no holidays last year, no time to think about anything. I was in lock down in the hospital psych ward because they were still trying to figure out whether I was lying about what Bob did or if it happened if it was someone else than Bob. Because of some things that Ree-Ree said trying to see if I was even mentally competent and able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy and even between right and wrong. And after that they nearly killed me trying to force me to take some Plan B pill even though I was already popping preg on a test.”
“Little bit of drama there. Doctors don’t do that stuff,” Markham said.
“Wasn’t the doctors, it was social services that was headed by some politico that had green sympathies about overpopulation and all of that crap. That one pushed the boundaries of the law … don’t have to inform parents about birth control but if you are a minor you don’t get a say in things either. Basically, what happened is I surprised them big time by refusing to take the pill and fought tooth and nail to keep them from sticking me with a needle. In the process I slipped … or was pushed depending on whether you believe me or the orderlies … and cracked my head on the floor hard enough that the skin split and I bled like a stuck pig. So happens a couple of cops who had just brought in a suspect witnessed the whole thing and …. awaaaay the flying monkeys flew. Group home just long enough to find myself in front of a family court judge and then packed off to the half-way house etc etc etc.”
“Er …”
Starting to feel detached from everything and clinical about it I told them, “Look, intellectually I can see what I’m doing and why. This is the first time in who knows how long that I’ve really had time to think about missing them. I’ve been too busy just surviving before now. Dad was murdered and then Mom was in Hospice at the very end and we kinda just forgot about that Christmas. Next Christmas … well Ree-Ree is agnostic and Bob was Jewish so it wasn’t an issue; plus, Ree-Ree said I was too old for that kind of childish, make-believe stuff and she convinced me she was right. Christmas after that and I’m dealing with the fact that … all that stuff with Bob really happened and I was expecting a little stranger with people telling me that my life was pretty much over. And now this time at this place … and all I’m doing is missing my parents and wondering whether I’m ever going to get to a place that I can give Bam-Bam something better than I’ve managed until now and what my parents would think about how life is going.”
Lincoln let me finish but then with too much understanding she said, “But you aren’t feeling too intellectual,”
She’d hit it fair and square. “No kidding, that’s the last thing I’m feeling. And not to be rude because I honestly do appreciate that you are trying to be nice … and maybe not even because Chief Jackson asked you to. But I just don’t have it in me to be any other than the way I am right now so you might as well leave off the interventioning and go back to whatever party he made you leave to come look me up. I am not having a pity party. I am not pouting. I’m just wore out and can’t play pretend just to make other people feel better. I don’t even know if the threat of demerits can move me either so tell ‘em to tally away if they feel they have to.”
Then the door was pushed open and it surprised us all by being Quiet Guy. “Come.”
Thanksgiving came and went and was just as quiet as Chief Jackson had said it would be, just with a special meal with all the fixings. It was still more than I’d had the year before.
December was nice – cold but nice – the first two weeks and we started learning about mushrooms and had more advanced lessons on wild root foods like burdock and how to preserve stuff that you’ve harvested for later use. From the beginning of the third week on into the beginning of January it was one snow storm after another. That didn’t excuse our group from outdoor training, but it did slow down our interaction with the big group training sessions.
With it being just our small group, we became more comfortable with each other. I stopped being embarrassed when Quiet Guy would share body warmth with me during our breaks. He had a survival blanket that we would use to wrap around us and we’d put Bam-Bam between us so I could nurse him without freezing off a certain body part. I stopped being embarrassed when he would catch a squirrel or rabbit and spit it and roast it while we were out hiking and drilling and then would insist that I eat some of it. I stopped being embarrassed when he would grab me by the seat of my pants to keep me from going down on icy sidewalks and trails. He wasn’t grabbing my butt, he was keeping me from falling on my butt.
There were things he stopped being embarrassed by too. He stopped being embarrassed when I would fix his socks, gloves, and other clothes that got wrecked up from all the outdoorsy stuff we were doing. He stopped being embarrassed when he and the others discovered I’d started saving the sumac drupes back in November and used honey from the dining hall to make a hot drink while we were out “in the field.” Even Chief Jackson got in on that and it became like a ritual for our group. And when I found that Quiet Guy’s scars were becoming dry and painful, I gave him the bottle of coconut oil that I had from the hygiene stuff I had taken way back when at the halfway house.
Even I know that guys don’t like being giving personal hygiene items in public, so I waited until he showed up to the dining hall and then caught him before he went inside – luckily by himself as he had to go change socks after our hike – and told him to put it in his pocket for later. He tried to push it back into my hands.
“Look, I’m not lifting up my pants legs in this cold but if I did you’d see where I have some nasty ones … or they would be nasty if Mom hadn’t found that coconut oil actually helps to get rid of scars. So you can still see mine but they don’t feel like they are aching and tearing anymore when they get dry. Just take a shower, go back to your room, put some on the scars and let it dry on its own. A little goes a long way. And even if it doesn’t make it 100% better, some better has to be better than none even if all it does is make them stop drying out and cracking.”
He looked like he was going to refuse then he asked angrily, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“This. Why … you … do this.”
“Oh, you mean why give you the coconut oil?” He nodded like he was PO’d in the extreme. I told him, “Because … doggone it. Look, I’m not going to give you a blasted dissertation. I just … look, it’s … it’s … nice. Okay? It’s just nice to … have a friend. It’s nice not to feel like I’m the only one on the freaking planet that really cares about Bam-Bam. It’s … look, it’s just nice and I know I’m not going to have it forever and I want … to … to show I appreciate it. And not … not act like I am the freaking center of the universe and not just act like I’m entitled to it all without putting stuff back into it. I want to make good memories to have when it is gone … and for you to remember me with good memories too. So, stop making things so frelling complicated and difficult and just put the stupid oil in your pocket and use it. I did it because I wanted to, that’s why. Got it?”
The mad slowly left his face. “Got it,” he whispered. “Doe …”
“Relax. I know you don’t think of me like … like the guys try and pretend they don’t think of Jan and Jen. And like Jan and Jen try to pretend they don’t think of the guys. We aren’t doing the dreaded fraternization. And that it is mostly Bam-Bam because he eases an aching hurt you have. I know it. I’m okay with it. And I don’t think you are just feeling sorry for me otherwise I wouldn’t be okay with it. You can’t help that you are part sheep dog. Better you get to practice that part of your personality on someone who appreciates it for what it is than get your feelings hurt because people can be total jerks. ‘K? So can we drop this already? I do what I do because I choose to. You do what you do for the same reason. Enough said already.”
I probably would have skipped dinner if I hadn’t been so hungry. It bothered me to be questioned about my motives. I didn’t want questions because I didn’t want to have to think about the answers, whether I said them or not. So I admit that I knew I was getting a little too use to Quiet Guy being there. It was nice, with no strings attached and nothing much asked in return. And looking back I realized it was a bit like family and that I was going to miss them in a big way when they were gone. Even Cooper who could be at least as weird as me but didn’t have a malicious bone in his body as far as I could tell. And to be perfectly honest maybe the things I did in return was to make sure they missed me too when the inevitable parting happened. But I wasn’t thinking it any more than I could help it then, and I sure as heck never explained how I felt to anyone.
Another reason I wanted to skip out on dinner was because on every side people were discussing the holidays. We weren’t allowed to practice the religious meaning of Christmas – or at least not outside of our own rooms – but the secular holidays were a big deal to some. I’d left that stuff behind … or I kept telling myself that. I didn’t want to join the “Secret Santa” group. I didn’t feel comfortable joining the “religious Christmas” crowd either. I did sign up Bam-Bam for a stocking though what in the heck would come his way I didn’t know. I was supposed to ask for something for him and all I could think was a rubber duck he could chew on or some story books or foam blocks that he could eventually play with. We’d graduated to a few other sign words but he still mostly knew “duck” and “milk” and “eat.” He recognized “mom” and I’d noticed he’d started open and closing his hand when he wanted something. He also had a particular movement he would make when he saw Chay.
I wanted to try and put a good face on it, not be a hypocrite after saying that holidays are what we make of them, but memories were crowding me and the more recent sad ones seem to get more air time in my brain than the older and better ones. I got through the holidays but only because I had no choice.
Bam-Bam got a stocking and in it was a board book that was a little kid’s version of the story “The Ugly Duckling.” There was also a chew toy shaped like a duck. That told me that someone was paying attention because I was pretty sure that the “duck” theme wasn’t accidental. I appreciated it and so did Bam-Bam. Being almost four months old Bam-Bam was willing, ready, and able to enjoy both of his new toys and in fact pitched a bit of a fit when he had to leave them behind when we left the room. I know he didn’t exactly know what they were or where they came from, but they were something new in his little world and he liked the bright colors.
Meals that day were picnic style. The week before everyone had joined in to help prepare foods that could be served throughout the day so that everyone got a day off. Breakfast was a kind of breakfast burrito that you could either eat cold or take out to the “bonfire” that was kept burning through the day and warm it up that way. Some of the staff didn’t even make an appearance, not that too many noticed. The day was spent just messing around.
I came out of my room for lunch and decided to find someplace quiet to eat. I headed to the trail head that was on the other side of Chief Jackson’s office. Lunch was a sandwich, veggie chips. fruit paste, and miniature gingersnap cookies that had a little bit too much ginger in them for my preference since I didn’t have any milk. I tucked the cookies in my pocket to give to the guys on our next hike and let Bam-Bam taste a little bit of the fruit paste on my finger – yes they were clean – but he just made a face and started sucking on his fist instead.
I jumped as a shadow fell across me. “Not interested in socializing?”
I looked up to see Chief Jackson standing there and answered, “Is it a requirement?”
“No. So long as you aren’t out here just because you are pouting.”
I sighed, tired of everyone acting like I was a kid because at that moment I was feeling what I imagine really old feels like. “No, I’m not pouting.”
“Then what is it?”
I stood up to go back inside, no longer having what little appetite I’d had. “Sorry to bother you Chief.”
“You didn’t answer my question Trainee.”
I looked at him and said, “I … miss … my … parents.”
He didn’t or couldn’t come up with a comment to that so I turned and left and tossed my lunch to Trudeau as I passed where a bunch of them were hanging out. He asked, “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
I walked back into my room and prayed everyone would just leave me alone so I could hold my crap together until the day was over with. There were a couple of knocks on the door that I ignored and I thought I was home free enough that when things quieted down because everyone was outside at the bonfire fun, I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and wash the stink off of Bam-Bam as well.
It was cold and I was regretting showering as by the time I got us both back to the room it we were freezing. The problem was when I walked into the room I found Lincoln and Markham.
“There you are,” Markahm said like she was relieved.
“Shower,” I muttered as I tried to figure out how to get them to leave so that Bam-Bam and I could burrow into our covers.
Lincoln shook her head. “You’re hardheaded.”
“Huh?”
She snorted. “I said you’re hardheaded. Don’t try and pull that you’re hard of hearing as well. Get over here and wrap up before one or the both of you come down with a cold.”
“Er … did you stop by for something in particular?”
“This is an intervention.”
The look on my face much have been pretty spectacular because the two women suddenly started laughing. “Uh …”
Lincoln said after calming down, “You worried Chief Jackson. You worried him enough that he hunted us up to check on you.”
I did not want to talk about it, but they looked like they’d settle in to wait me out if I didn’t give the something to chew on and leave me along. “You know what I said about the holidays? Well, maybe saying it is a lot easier than the follow through.”
Markham nodded. “Lots of things in life are. He said you were missing your parents.”
“I never pegged Chief Jackson as the meddlesome, do-gooder type.”
“As a general rule he isn’t,” agreed Lincoln. “But you’ve managed to hold your own when everyone expected you to at least complain a little bit … and you haven’t. Not even when it is obvious it is costing you big to keep up. So maybe that gets you a little respect you might not otherwise get and maybe the way you are acting today is so out of character that he can’t compute it.”
“If I could ‘compute’ it for him I would. I didn’t plan on feeling like I feel, and I sure don’t want to make how I feel make other people feel like they have to do something about it. Maybe if Bam-Bam was older I could make myself go out there and act happy, but he isn’t and the idea of going out there to do the happy-happy only makes me nauseous. So I’m here, waiting for all the memories to stop marching through my head doing the rag time dance. Tomorrow there will be less reason and I’ll be better.”
“What did you do last year that’s different … besides the obvious … that got you through?”
I snorted. “Are you serious? There were no holidays last year, no time to think about anything. I was in lock down in the hospital psych ward because they were still trying to figure out whether I was lying about what Bob did or if it happened if it was someone else than Bob. Because of some things that Ree-Ree said trying to see if I was even mentally competent and able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy and even between right and wrong. And after that they nearly killed me trying to force me to take some Plan B pill even though I was already popping preg on a test.”
“Little bit of drama there. Doctors don’t do that stuff,” Markham said.
“Wasn’t the doctors, it was social services that was headed by some politico that had green sympathies about overpopulation and all of that crap. That one pushed the boundaries of the law … don’t have to inform parents about birth control but if you are a minor you don’t get a say in things either. Basically, what happened is I surprised them big time by refusing to take the pill and fought tooth and nail to keep them from sticking me with a needle. In the process I slipped … or was pushed depending on whether you believe me or the orderlies … and cracked my head on the floor hard enough that the skin split and I bled like a stuck pig. So happens a couple of cops who had just brought in a suspect witnessed the whole thing and …. awaaaay the flying monkeys flew. Group home just long enough to find myself in front of a family court judge and then packed off to the half-way house etc etc etc.”
“Er …”
Starting to feel detached from everything and clinical about it I told them, “Look, intellectually I can see what I’m doing and why. This is the first time in who knows how long that I’ve really had time to think about missing them. I’ve been too busy just surviving before now. Dad was murdered and then Mom was in Hospice at the very end and we kinda just forgot about that Christmas. Next Christmas … well Ree-Ree is agnostic and Bob was Jewish so it wasn’t an issue; plus, Ree-Ree said I was too old for that kind of childish, make-believe stuff and she convinced me she was right. Christmas after that and I’m dealing with the fact that … all that stuff with Bob really happened and I was expecting a little stranger with people telling me that my life was pretty much over. And now this time at this place … and all I’m doing is missing my parents and wondering whether I’m ever going to get to a place that I can give Bam-Bam something better than I’ve managed until now and what my parents would think about how life is going.”
Lincoln let me finish but then with too much understanding she said, “But you aren’t feeling too intellectual,”
She’d hit it fair and square. “No kidding, that’s the last thing I’m feeling. And not to be rude because I honestly do appreciate that you are trying to be nice … and maybe not even because Chief Jackson asked you to. But I just don’t have it in me to be any other than the way I am right now so you might as well leave off the interventioning and go back to whatever party he made you leave to come look me up. I am not having a pity party. I am not pouting. I’m just wore out and can’t play pretend just to make other people feel better. I don’t even know if the threat of demerits can move me either so tell ‘em to tally away if they feel they have to.”
Then the door was pushed open and it surprised us all by being Quiet Guy. “Come.”
Chapter 21 (Part 2)
And just that fast my snark gene was activated. “Do I look like a dog to you?”
“Hike.”
“Not likely.”
“Fresh air to clear head.”
“Nope.”
“Heebies.”
“I don’t have the heebies.”
“Me.”
“You what?”
“Me. Have heebies. Walk to bonfire and back to get Jackson off my back. All he said I have to do. To the bonfire, socialize, and back. You come with. Bring Bam-Bam. Watch kids with stupid sparklers. Get cocoa. Then leave. Come on. Tired of being hounded.”
It wasn’t surprising that Quiet Guy would have the heebies or that Jackson or some other chief was hounding him about it. What caught me off guard was the amount of wordage he was using to get his point across. And that only magnified my understanding of how bad the heebies were and how irritated he was by people getting in his business about it. And the fact that he’d talk that much in front of Lincoln and Markham … so I got up and put my coat on … with attitude, but not as much attitude as I might have.
Lincoln and Markham didn’t know where to look so I told them, “So go tell the Chief you did your bit to keep the universe revolving to his satisfaction and that his two problem trainees are hearing and obeying. We’ll walk to the freaking bonfire, get some freaking cocoa … I’m not set on the sparklers so that’s only a maybe … and then we’ll come back and want to be left the frick alone. We might even sit on a bench for a minute just to thumb our noses at the world. But that’s it. That’s as much as we give. Got it?”
“Loud and clear, McCormick,” Lincoln answered … trying to hide the smile at our expense.
We filed out, me turning with Chay one direction while the two others went the opposite. Only Bam-Bam isn’t cooperating. Chay notices that Bam-Bam is fussing and patting his cheek.
“Baby okay?”
I sigh, a little unsure what to say. “You know I’ve been teaching him BabySign.”
He just grunted.
“Wellll … um … that’s his sign … for you.”
Chay stops in his tracks on the porch. “Me?”
“Yeah. I think … look babies are a lot smarter than most people think. Give them a chance and pay attention and they can generally let you know what they want. Well … you know … your cheek … it feels different from what mine does. You have … you know … whiskers. Bam-Bam just … well he knows the difference and he likes to sit up where he can see things. And I guess he has gotten kinda bored because he’s used to being outside and … look … just …”
Chay is only halfway listening to me and reaches out his hand. “I … don’t scare him?”
“Huh? Of course not. He’s liked you from the get-go and Bam-Bam has always known who he likes and who he doesn’t. He’s just … I guess … getting a little spoiled. Or tired of only having me around.”
“No. You are a good mom. He knows it.”
“Oh. Um. Thanks,” I responded as it is obvious that Bam-Bam is reaching for Chay.
“Can … I?”
“Sure. Just watch it, he has the wiggles big time. And he has started to pull hair.”
Chay nodded and picked Bam-Bam and all his blankets up. Then Bam-Bam squeals his approval of getting what he wants. Chay just stands there and says, “He’s different than Rolly.”
“Uh … Rolly?”
“Yeah. My … I mean …”
“Oh. Okay, so I know a little bit … enough to get who you mean. But what do you mean he’s different?”
“Not … um … he didn’t …” He stopped. “I didn’t get to see him much. Was about to go away to basic when found out … found out Cecile was pregnant,” he said quietly. “Shotgun wedding but … happy. Everything was fine. Then came home on leave when he was born. Made … made it all worth it. All the … the shh … er … bad stuff. All worth it. Then I had to leave, and I knew Cecile wasn’t happy. Her parents busting her chops about marrying … me … military. But I was going to officer training school as soon as I could be reassigned stateside. They could tolerate that because … privileges and eventually money, position, power … in their eyes. Got to see him … lots … through video comms. He recognized me. Started calling me … daddy. I lived for those calls. Even though Cecile was hot happy she still called. Had to really, to keep the bennies coming. Then … then I was captured and … all that went with it. I … needed more than … more than she could give. Understood … I understood it. Didn’t blame her but …”
“But?”
“She and her parents … turned Rolly against me. They made him scared of me. Some of it was … they brought him when I … was having lots of episodes but if I knew he was there, things were better. Maybe it was wrong,” he said his voice starting to give out, become even more gravel on glass. “It was wrong … shouldn’t use a kid like that but … but …”
“It’s what you had and what did it for you. That’s what family is supposed to be for. Maybe Rolly doesn’t understand it as a little kid but … look I figured out early that my dad needed me to be his little girl when he wasn’t at work. It gave him a focus, a reason, a purpose of sorts when all the other reasons and purposes just weren’t working for him. He had a stressful job, but it was Momma and I that he came home to at night and could turn off the cop for a while, put the bad stuff away, and just relax and be himself. Rolly could have grown up to understand that even before he was old enough to describe it with words. I couldn’t say it for a long time, but I understood that Dad needed me. He needed Momma too but in a different way. Momma was his wife. I was his little girl.”
He sighed. “Wish it could have been that way. Maybe Cecile would have eventually been okay to do that, if her family hadn’t kept pressuring her for more and more and more. Then … then when I tried to demand my rights as a father her mother … her mother lets out that Rolly isn’t mine. She’d known there was a possibility and she didn’t think before it fell out of her mouth, didn’t think about what it would do to Cecile. All Cecile’s mother thought about was winning against me.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head and Bam-Bam grabbed his nose. “Bam-Bam don’t. His nose doesn’t honk.”
But Chay surprised me and went “honk” and it made Bam-Bam laugh until he spotted Wubbie Duck peeking out of his blanket and he went after that like a lion after its prey.
“Rolly … isn’t mine. It took me a while, went down a dark road letting all that happened to me over there eat me up. Letting Rolly not be mine eat me up. Still gets me. I’ll always be … damaged goods. Better than I was but …”
“Good days and bad. I have them too. Like today. Like when I chewed out Cooper for touching me. Like the water incident when all that stuff came out because my boundaries were down. And I have walls. Kinda sick and tired of being told about my walls if you want to know the truth. Tired of those counseling sessions where it seems they just want you to bleed a little so they have something to write down in their blasted tablets. Good days and bad.”
“Yeah. More good days than bad lately. Let’s get cocoa. You’re cold.”
I was but I think it was more he wanted an excuse not to talk anymore. The problem was that I’d started thinking. A little quiet later while we tried to be there but not be in the flow of things, be seen but not become part of the craziness, he suddenly asks me, “Too much?”
“No, the cold isn’t bad.”
“No cold … me … what I said. Too much? You’re quiet.”
I sighed. “No. Life sucks and all we can do is pick up the pieces when we get thrown out the window. Just … thinking.”
“About? Can I ask?”
“Yeah. Don’t know how comfortable it’s going to make you though.” Troubled and worried I was going to screw things up somehow, make things harder for him … and me … I asked, “What happens when this is over? When it is time for us to leave The Farm? I don’t mind that Bam-Bam helps you … heck he helps me, gives me a reason to get up every day and just try. But … how is that going to work when they send you one way and send me another? I’m not … you know … crippling you by saying it is okay that Bam-Bam makes your days easier am I? Because in a weird way I need you to need Bam-Bam, to care about Bam-Bam, so that I know there is someone else out there in case … just in case. And I know you would.”
“You … you know I would?”
“Am I wrong?”
Quietly he answered, “No.”
“But I’m pretty sure that’s a lot of pressure and …”
“Shhh. Not too much. ‘S’okay. Some day you’ll find … someone.”
“No.”
“Uh …”
“Okay, fine, maybe that is a possibility but it’s a long way off. The idea makes me want to puke right now so … um … just drop it. I just … don’t take this the wrong way because I know they are your friends but it takes everything I have not to pull away when Dallas or Cooper touch me. You … you I trust. I get your damage and you get mine. But anyone else? If I can’t stand Gilroy to touch me even when I know she doesn’t mean anything but to help how am I supposed to … supposed to …”
“Time.”
“Yeah, right. But that’s not what I was asking. I was asking about you.”
“Not something I want to think about … but … maybe … can find a way.”
“How?”
“Don’t know. Not yet. Too soon to think about.”
“Okay,” I told him seeing how uncomfortable he was becoming but I did think about it more as the days went by. And I had a private conversation with Chief Jackson, but that was later.
And just that fast my snark gene was activated. “Do I look like a dog to you?”
“Hike.”
“Not likely.”
“Fresh air to clear head.”
“Nope.”
“Heebies.”
“I don’t have the heebies.”
“Me.”
“You what?”
“Me. Have heebies. Walk to bonfire and back to get Jackson off my back. All he said I have to do. To the bonfire, socialize, and back. You come with. Bring Bam-Bam. Watch kids with stupid sparklers. Get cocoa. Then leave. Come on. Tired of being hounded.”
It wasn’t surprising that Quiet Guy would have the heebies or that Jackson or some other chief was hounding him about it. What caught me off guard was the amount of wordage he was using to get his point across. And that only magnified my understanding of how bad the heebies were and how irritated he was by people getting in his business about it. And the fact that he’d talk that much in front of Lincoln and Markham … so I got up and put my coat on … with attitude, but not as much attitude as I might have.
Lincoln and Markham didn’t know where to look so I told them, “So go tell the Chief you did your bit to keep the universe revolving to his satisfaction and that his two problem trainees are hearing and obeying. We’ll walk to the freaking bonfire, get some freaking cocoa … I’m not set on the sparklers so that’s only a maybe … and then we’ll come back and want to be left the frick alone. We might even sit on a bench for a minute just to thumb our noses at the world. But that’s it. That’s as much as we give. Got it?”
“Loud and clear, McCormick,” Lincoln answered … trying to hide the smile at our expense.
We filed out, me turning with Chay one direction while the two others went the opposite. Only Bam-Bam isn’t cooperating. Chay notices that Bam-Bam is fussing and patting his cheek.
“Baby okay?”
I sigh, a little unsure what to say. “You know I’ve been teaching him BabySign.”
He just grunted.
“Wellll … um … that’s his sign … for you.”
Chay stops in his tracks on the porch. “Me?”
“Yeah. I think … look babies are a lot smarter than most people think. Give them a chance and pay attention and they can generally let you know what they want. Well … you know … your cheek … it feels different from what mine does. You have … you know … whiskers. Bam-Bam just … well he knows the difference and he likes to sit up where he can see things. And I guess he has gotten kinda bored because he’s used to being outside and … look … just …”
Chay is only halfway listening to me and reaches out his hand. “I … don’t scare him?”
“Huh? Of course not. He’s liked you from the get-go and Bam-Bam has always known who he likes and who he doesn’t. He’s just … I guess … getting a little spoiled. Or tired of only having me around.”
“No. You are a good mom. He knows it.”
“Oh. Um. Thanks,” I responded as it is obvious that Bam-Bam is reaching for Chay.
“Can … I?”
“Sure. Just watch it, he has the wiggles big time. And he has started to pull hair.”
Chay nodded and picked Bam-Bam and all his blankets up. Then Bam-Bam squeals his approval of getting what he wants. Chay just stands there and says, “He’s different than Rolly.”
“Uh … Rolly?”
“Yeah. My … I mean …”
“Oh. Okay, so I know a little bit … enough to get who you mean. But what do you mean he’s different?”
“Not … um … he didn’t …” He stopped. “I didn’t get to see him much. Was about to go away to basic when found out … found out Cecile was pregnant,” he said quietly. “Shotgun wedding but … happy. Everything was fine. Then came home on leave when he was born. Made … made it all worth it. All the … the shh … er … bad stuff. All worth it. Then I had to leave, and I knew Cecile wasn’t happy. Her parents busting her chops about marrying … me … military. But I was going to officer training school as soon as I could be reassigned stateside. They could tolerate that because … privileges and eventually money, position, power … in their eyes. Got to see him … lots … through video comms. He recognized me. Started calling me … daddy. I lived for those calls. Even though Cecile was hot happy she still called. Had to really, to keep the bennies coming. Then … then I was captured and … all that went with it. I … needed more than … more than she could give. Understood … I understood it. Didn’t blame her but …”
“But?”
“She and her parents … turned Rolly against me. They made him scared of me. Some of it was … they brought him when I … was having lots of episodes but if I knew he was there, things were better. Maybe it was wrong,” he said his voice starting to give out, become even more gravel on glass. “It was wrong … shouldn’t use a kid like that but … but …”
“It’s what you had and what did it for you. That’s what family is supposed to be for. Maybe Rolly doesn’t understand it as a little kid but … look I figured out early that my dad needed me to be his little girl when he wasn’t at work. It gave him a focus, a reason, a purpose of sorts when all the other reasons and purposes just weren’t working for him. He had a stressful job, but it was Momma and I that he came home to at night and could turn off the cop for a while, put the bad stuff away, and just relax and be himself. Rolly could have grown up to understand that even before he was old enough to describe it with words. I couldn’t say it for a long time, but I understood that Dad needed me. He needed Momma too but in a different way. Momma was his wife. I was his little girl.”
He sighed. “Wish it could have been that way. Maybe Cecile would have eventually been okay to do that, if her family hadn’t kept pressuring her for more and more and more. Then … then when I tried to demand my rights as a father her mother … her mother lets out that Rolly isn’t mine. She’d known there was a possibility and she didn’t think before it fell out of her mouth, didn’t think about what it would do to Cecile. All Cecile’s mother thought about was winning against me.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head and Bam-Bam grabbed his nose. “Bam-Bam don’t. His nose doesn’t honk.”
But Chay surprised me and went “honk” and it made Bam-Bam laugh until he spotted Wubbie Duck peeking out of his blanket and he went after that like a lion after its prey.
“Rolly … isn’t mine. It took me a while, went down a dark road letting all that happened to me over there eat me up. Letting Rolly not be mine eat me up. Still gets me. I’ll always be … damaged goods. Better than I was but …”
“Good days and bad. I have them too. Like today. Like when I chewed out Cooper for touching me. Like the water incident when all that stuff came out because my boundaries were down. And I have walls. Kinda sick and tired of being told about my walls if you want to know the truth. Tired of those counseling sessions where it seems they just want you to bleed a little so they have something to write down in their blasted tablets. Good days and bad.”
“Yeah. More good days than bad lately. Let’s get cocoa. You’re cold.”
I was but I think it was more he wanted an excuse not to talk anymore. The problem was that I’d started thinking. A little quiet later while we tried to be there but not be in the flow of things, be seen but not become part of the craziness, he suddenly asks me, “Too much?”
“No, the cold isn’t bad.”
“No cold … me … what I said. Too much? You’re quiet.”
I sighed. “No. Life sucks and all we can do is pick up the pieces when we get thrown out the window. Just … thinking.”
“About? Can I ask?”
“Yeah. Don’t know how comfortable it’s going to make you though.” Troubled and worried I was going to screw things up somehow, make things harder for him … and me … I asked, “What happens when this is over? When it is time for us to leave The Farm? I don’t mind that Bam-Bam helps you … heck he helps me, gives me a reason to get up every day and just try. But … how is that going to work when they send you one way and send me another? I’m not … you know … crippling you by saying it is okay that Bam-Bam makes your days easier am I? Because in a weird way I need you to need Bam-Bam, to care about Bam-Bam, so that I know there is someone else out there in case … just in case. And I know you would.”
“You … you know I would?”
“Am I wrong?”
Quietly he answered, “No.”
“But I’m pretty sure that’s a lot of pressure and …”
“Shhh. Not too much. ‘S’okay. Some day you’ll find … someone.”
“No.”
“Uh …”
“Okay, fine, maybe that is a possibility but it’s a long way off. The idea makes me want to puke right now so … um … just drop it. I just … don’t take this the wrong way because I know they are your friends but it takes everything I have not to pull away when Dallas or Cooper touch me. You … you I trust. I get your damage and you get mine. But anyone else? If I can’t stand Gilroy to touch me even when I know she doesn’t mean anything but to help how am I supposed to … supposed to …”
“Time.”
“Yeah, right. But that’s not what I was asking. I was asking about you.”
“Not something I want to think about … but … maybe … can find a way.”
“How?”
“Don’t know. Not yet. Too soon to think about.”
“Okay,” I told him seeing how uncomfortable he was becoming but I did think about it more as the days went by. And I had a private conversation with Chief Jackson, but that was later.
CHAPTER 22 (Part 1)
It took more than a change in one calendar day, however I did pull myself back together. I had no choice; life got very, very busy. And I’m not just talking about the mom part of my life. First, I had to “review my attitude” in counseling; but, I’d learned all the right words and phrases to use when I was living with Ree-Ree so managed to appear contrite for causing everyone concern. You would have figured that they would have learned that appearance wasn’t always reality, but do-gooders are sometimes like that.
To pull us out of hot water I also inferred that I had a discussion with Chay – who I made out to be fulfilling a kind of big brother role – concerning the things the two of us needed to work on and what kind of action we were going to take. Amazingly it was enough, and they didn’t ask for any kind of corroboration though I clued Chay in who agreed to follow suit. On some level it bothered me they were so easy to fool, even with their “big brother is everywhere all the time” techno whosiwhatsits, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I think it is because the Staff were dealing with a kind of “hang over” from the holidays in some trainees as well as anxiety on the graduating trainees prepping for going out into the work force. They had their hands full and were just glad they could cross the trainees named Doe and Chay off their long list of extra things to do. And it didn’t hurt my feelings they were putting that energy into others like the upperclassmen.
Lincoln and Markham were already feeling the pinch and I found out that the places they were supposed to have gotten fell through. The Farm was looking for new placements for them, it was just taking some time. If Lincoln wasn’t an amputee and Markham hadn’t suffered a brain injury of some sort during her juvenile detention days it would have been easier. But that wasn’t my problem. I know that sounds mean but it is simply the truth. I was little more than a grade to them though they weren’t quite that harsh about it. In fact they were nice; I just realized it was in a distant, simply being polite, kind of way most of the time. They unwittingly reinforced my deeper understanding of the entire situation the closer to graduation they came. It was a pill to swallow but I refused to be offended by it and instead reminded myself that I was likely to be on my own sooner rather than later and that my purpose for being at The Farm was to make me better so that Bam-Bam could depend on me, not make it so that I was dependent on other people. Looking back, I can see that was a simplistic view, over simplified really, but it was how I rationalized my feelings.
Right after Christmas I also found out what program track that I’d been put into; the entrepreneurial program. But because I had a kid I was also expected to keep up with family life and survival skills; and, the survival skills included some extra special attention from Chief Jackson who just happened to know jujitsu and thought it would be fun to expect me to come to his office before breakfast for some daily practice. And on top of that someone, somewhere thought that my age and previous academic achievements meant that I also needed to be encouraged to keep college as a future goal. Oh … my … gawd. My scheduled didn’t even have room in it for me to sneeze.
Up at a quarter to five … in the morning happy campers. Let me repeat … oh … my … gawd. Chief Jackson wound up “gifting” me with what he called a tactical flashlight to keep me from tripping in the dark. Actually in his words, “Dammit McCormick, you walk on the bottom of your feet, not slide down the hill on your ass. Watch where you’re going before you give me an ulcer.” And yes, that’s a direct quote following an embarrassing incident that I will not record for posterity … because even now my posterior still remembers it and the vivid bruise I had over a week that went with it.
I had to hustle to Jackson’s office where I had to prove that I had actually earned my belts and hadn’t been promoted simply because I attended classes and “aged up.” To progress to the next level of training I had to pass the test for that belt … and Chief Jackson was a traditionalist and was completely against belts being granted solely based on age and attendance which meant I had to demonstrate the proper technique for each move.
I was in sad, sad shape. I remembered the moves, I just wasn’t limber enough to pull them off in proper technique. I was a week just getting out of the white belt moves. Geez that was embarrassing. I progressed faster after that but only because I checked a book out of the library and practiced at night before going to bed. Bam-Bam thought it was funny. Me, not so much. But there was no way I was going to put up with the obvious disbelief that the Chief had given me that first week. I also needed help in another area.
“Excuse me, Nurse Gilroy?”
Looking up she did a double take and I guess I did look a little rough that day as I was still getting used to all of the added activity. “McCormick? Are you or the baby sick?”
“No ma’am. I have a question.”
Showing both relief and disbelief at the same time she said, “Oh.”
“I know,” I said rubbing the bridge of my nose where I had taken a fall during morning “training” and nearly given myself a black eye. “I look rough but that’s fine. I also know you’ve said that I’ve topped out on the iron supplements I can take. That’s fine too. But I was wondering if you would increase my milk allowance and make it whole milk please instead of the two percent I normally get.”
“Stomach troubles?”
Knowing she remembered I asked for extra when we had spicey food at mealtime I shook my head. “No ma’am. I want to make sure that with all the increased exercise I am getting that I’m not shorting Bam-Bam. Even I can tell my body fat is dropping and I just want to make sure that he is getting what he needs.”
Giving me her whole attention rather than splitting it with the paperwork that was on her desk she asked, “Does he seem hungry?”
“All the time but no more than usual. I just want to keep it that way. He’s really growing, and I try and let him get as much exercise at night as I’m getting. But he’d started sleeping through the night and the last two nights he’s woken up again wanting to feed … like a full meal and not just like he wants a comfort nip or two. I don’t know if it is the exercise, a growth spurt, or if I’m shorting him. I just want to be careful about it and none of the books in the library tell me one way or the other. Heck, some of the books make it sound like babies aren’t supposed to be sleeping through the night yet and he was.”
She looked at me and then tapped something onto her tablet. Whatever came up make her scrunch her eyebrows like she was surprised. “You are meeting with Chief Jackson every morning? Not every other morning?”
“Every morning. And I’m not complaining. The strength training is helping me to be able to keep up better on our survival hikes and in other areas too.”
“Hmm. Alright, but let’s try something new,” she said before going over to a closet and using her key card to unlock and open it. She took out a box and brought it over to me. “You’ve proven to be honest and reliable. Rather than ask you to come to my office every day I’m going to give you a two-week supply to start with. At some point during the day I want you to eat one of these bars. You can eat it all at once or in pieces but I want it eaten and not saved from one day to the next. Understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“The nutrition and calories in each bar is like getting an extra meal. That’s the benefit. The negative is you are going to need to increase your water intake to keep your kidneys functioning optimally. If I see your water intake isn’t adequate, I will change tactics.”
Since I wasn’t interested in having her in my business any more than I had to, nor in the vitamins shots she was known for dishing out I told her, “I’ve been drinking more anyway because of the morning jujitsu. I’ll just try and double what I’m drinking for breakfast and then add another bottle of fluid of some type through the day. I’ll do whatever it takes for Bam-Bam.”
“Very good. If this doesn’t help, we’ll try something different. Eventually you’ll need to consider when to add solids to his diet but I am against it this early. It isn’t nutritionally beneficial, it is only acting as a filler; however, Blake is at the top end of his growth chart, he may simply be progressing quickly. Once he is able to sit with support …”
“He can do that already. He doesn’t like to do it too much as he mushes over like a rag doll, but he isn’t far off.”
“Well once he can do that, we’ll try a little cereal after his evening feeding. And Doe?”
“Yes ma’am?”
“You don’t need to spread this around. And no trading these around.”
“Uh … no ma’am. I’ll be … um … discreet?”
“Exactly,” she said with a relieved nod. “Please put them in this bag and then go straight to your room and put these away.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said taking the bag – what fem hygiene items are normally shared out in – and then put the box of bars in there and took them to my room.
When I got there I wondered were to keep them and then decided to put them in the bed cabinet rather than the cubby shelves where I kept my clothes and other personal items. I wasn’t sure how “discreet” I was to keep them, but I didn’t want them out during pop inspections or anything like that in case discreet was to be extremely discreet.
The next morning when I arrived for morning exercise Chief Jackson acted a little peeved. I thought it was a caffeine issue until he said, “You could have spoken to me McCormick.”
“Uh …,” unsure what the man was going on about.
“If the training schedule is creating problems I should be the one you come to.”
“Er … Chief there are no problems.”
“Oh, so you didn’t speak to Nurse Gilroy?” he asked like he was catching me in a lie.
“Oh. Well … um … you don’t really want to talk about … girl stuff do you?”
“Er …”
“Because that’s mostly what it was. Or a pre-emptive strike against girl stuff.”
He blinked and then said, “Pre-emptive strike?”
“Yes Sir. I like that the baby jiggle is getting under control. And I like that my legs feel stronger and my balance is better on the trail. But Bam-Bam has needs too. And I just wanted to make sure that me getting better wasn’t making things worse for him. And since you aren’t a girl, I figured it might be better and save everyone a few steps if I simply went to the person I would eventually have to have a discussion about this with anyway. Plus, it made her feel … wellllll … a little important and I figured that couldn’t hurt the situation. Or did I screw up the chain of command or something?”
He eventually started chuckling like he didn’t want to and then shook his head. “No, I don’t want to discuss ‘girl stuff’ but as your Chief-Mentor I don’t always get to pick the topics that need to be discussed. I knew there would be crap like that when I agreed to take you on. You did circumvent the chain of command a bit, but I understand why and will cut you some slack. However, in the future … no matter if it makes either one of us uncomfortable … anything that pertains to your schedule, you need to come to me about it. And while I agree you probably pulled something off with Nurse Gilroy, do that too often and she’ll see through you.”
I tried to look innocent and he only chuckled again. “Now let’s see if you can still do upward and cross elbow strikes. And don’t make the face. You’ll be doing them on the mannequin. One bloody nose a week is my limit. If you can get through this week and demonstrate your technique is sound, I’ll be bringing the men in on some of our morning training sessions.”
“Oh they’re just going to love that,” I said with my sarcasm knob turned way up.
He chuckled again. “Good. And they’ll love you tossing them on their asses too. But it’s good for them. They’re getting complacent … and not taking you seriously enough as a team member. Now let’s begin. Women in the field isn’t my preference, but these days it is a fact of life and a man must learn to live with it and use it to advantage. A minnow like you, with the right training, could be used as a surprise element that could tip the scales.”
It took more than a change in one calendar day, however I did pull myself back together. I had no choice; life got very, very busy. And I’m not just talking about the mom part of my life. First, I had to “review my attitude” in counseling; but, I’d learned all the right words and phrases to use when I was living with Ree-Ree so managed to appear contrite for causing everyone concern. You would have figured that they would have learned that appearance wasn’t always reality, but do-gooders are sometimes like that.
To pull us out of hot water I also inferred that I had a discussion with Chay – who I made out to be fulfilling a kind of big brother role – concerning the things the two of us needed to work on and what kind of action we were going to take. Amazingly it was enough, and they didn’t ask for any kind of corroboration though I clued Chay in who agreed to follow suit. On some level it bothered me they were so easy to fool, even with their “big brother is everywhere all the time” techno whosiwhatsits, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I think it is because the Staff were dealing with a kind of “hang over” from the holidays in some trainees as well as anxiety on the graduating trainees prepping for going out into the work force. They had their hands full and were just glad they could cross the trainees named Doe and Chay off their long list of extra things to do. And it didn’t hurt my feelings they were putting that energy into others like the upperclassmen.
Lincoln and Markham were already feeling the pinch and I found out that the places they were supposed to have gotten fell through. The Farm was looking for new placements for them, it was just taking some time. If Lincoln wasn’t an amputee and Markham hadn’t suffered a brain injury of some sort during her juvenile detention days it would have been easier. But that wasn’t my problem. I know that sounds mean but it is simply the truth. I was little more than a grade to them though they weren’t quite that harsh about it. In fact they were nice; I just realized it was in a distant, simply being polite, kind of way most of the time. They unwittingly reinforced my deeper understanding of the entire situation the closer to graduation they came. It was a pill to swallow but I refused to be offended by it and instead reminded myself that I was likely to be on my own sooner rather than later and that my purpose for being at The Farm was to make me better so that Bam-Bam could depend on me, not make it so that I was dependent on other people. Looking back, I can see that was a simplistic view, over simplified really, but it was how I rationalized my feelings.
Right after Christmas I also found out what program track that I’d been put into; the entrepreneurial program. But because I had a kid I was also expected to keep up with family life and survival skills; and, the survival skills included some extra special attention from Chief Jackson who just happened to know jujitsu and thought it would be fun to expect me to come to his office before breakfast for some daily practice. And on top of that someone, somewhere thought that my age and previous academic achievements meant that I also needed to be encouraged to keep college as a future goal. Oh … my … gawd. My scheduled didn’t even have room in it for me to sneeze.
Up at a quarter to five … in the morning happy campers. Let me repeat … oh … my … gawd. Chief Jackson wound up “gifting” me with what he called a tactical flashlight to keep me from tripping in the dark. Actually in his words, “Dammit McCormick, you walk on the bottom of your feet, not slide down the hill on your ass. Watch where you’re going before you give me an ulcer.” And yes, that’s a direct quote following an embarrassing incident that I will not record for posterity … because even now my posterior still remembers it and the vivid bruise I had over a week that went with it.
I had to hustle to Jackson’s office where I had to prove that I had actually earned my belts and hadn’t been promoted simply because I attended classes and “aged up.” To progress to the next level of training I had to pass the test for that belt … and Chief Jackson was a traditionalist and was completely against belts being granted solely based on age and attendance which meant I had to demonstrate the proper technique for each move.
I was in sad, sad shape. I remembered the moves, I just wasn’t limber enough to pull them off in proper technique. I was a week just getting out of the white belt moves. Geez that was embarrassing. I progressed faster after that but only because I checked a book out of the library and practiced at night before going to bed. Bam-Bam thought it was funny. Me, not so much. But there was no way I was going to put up with the obvious disbelief that the Chief had given me that first week. I also needed help in another area.
“Excuse me, Nurse Gilroy?”
Looking up she did a double take and I guess I did look a little rough that day as I was still getting used to all of the added activity. “McCormick? Are you or the baby sick?”
“No ma’am. I have a question.”
Showing both relief and disbelief at the same time she said, “Oh.”
“I know,” I said rubbing the bridge of my nose where I had taken a fall during morning “training” and nearly given myself a black eye. “I look rough but that’s fine. I also know you’ve said that I’ve topped out on the iron supplements I can take. That’s fine too. But I was wondering if you would increase my milk allowance and make it whole milk please instead of the two percent I normally get.”
“Stomach troubles?”
Knowing she remembered I asked for extra when we had spicey food at mealtime I shook my head. “No ma’am. I want to make sure that with all the increased exercise I am getting that I’m not shorting Bam-Bam. Even I can tell my body fat is dropping and I just want to make sure that he is getting what he needs.”
Giving me her whole attention rather than splitting it with the paperwork that was on her desk she asked, “Does he seem hungry?”
“All the time but no more than usual. I just want to keep it that way. He’s really growing, and I try and let him get as much exercise at night as I’m getting. But he’d started sleeping through the night and the last two nights he’s woken up again wanting to feed … like a full meal and not just like he wants a comfort nip or two. I don’t know if it is the exercise, a growth spurt, or if I’m shorting him. I just want to be careful about it and none of the books in the library tell me one way or the other. Heck, some of the books make it sound like babies aren’t supposed to be sleeping through the night yet and he was.”
She looked at me and then tapped something onto her tablet. Whatever came up make her scrunch her eyebrows like she was surprised. “You are meeting with Chief Jackson every morning? Not every other morning?”
“Every morning. And I’m not complaining. The strength training is helping me to be able to keep up better on our survival hikes and in other areas too.”
“Hmm. Alright, but let’s try something new,” she said before going over to a closet and using her key card to unlock and open it. She took out a box and brought it over to me. “You’ve proven to be honest and reliable. Rather than ask you to come to my office every day I’m going to give you a two-week supply to start with. At some point during the day I want you to eat one of these bars. You can eat it all at once or in pieces but I want it eaten and not saved from one day to the next. Understand?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“The nutrition and calories in each bar is like getting an extra meal. That’s the benefit. The negative is you are going to need to increase your water intake to keep your kidneys functioning optimally. If I see your water intake isn’t adequate, I will change tactics.”
Since I wasn’t interested in having her in my business any more than I had to, nor in the vitamins shots she was known for dishing out I told her, “I’ve been drinking more anyway because of the morning jujitsu. I’ll just try and double what I’m drinking for breakfast and then add another bottle of fluid of some type through the day. I’ll do whatever it takes for Bam-Bam.”
“Very good. If this doesn’t help, we’ll try something different. Eventually you’ll need to consider when to add solids to his diet but I am against it this early. It isn’t nutritionally beneficial, it is only acting as a filler; however, Blake is at the top end of his growth chart, he may simply be progressing quickly. Once he is able to sit with support …”
“He can do that already. He doesn’t like to do it too much as he mushes over like a rag doll, but he isn’t far off.”
“Well once he can do that, we’ll try a little cereal after his evening feeding. And Doe?”
“Yes ma’am?”
“You don’t need to spread this around. And no trading these around.”
“Uh … no ma’am. I’ll be … um … discreet?”
“Exactly,” she said with a relieved nod. “Please put them in this bag and then go straight to your room and put these away.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said taking the bag – what fem hygiene items are normally shared out in – and then put the box of bars in there and took them to my room.
When I got there I wondered were to keep them and then decided to put them in the bed cabinet rather than the cubby shelves where I kept my clothes and other personal items. I wasn’t sure how “discreet” I was to keep them, but I didn’t want them out during pop inspections or anything like that in case discreet was to be extremely discreet.
The next morning when I arrived for morning exercise Chief Jackson acted a little peeved. I thought it was a caffeine issue until he said, “You could have spoken to me McCormick.”
“Uh …,” unsure what the man was going on about.
“If the training schedule is creating problems I should be the one you come to.”
“Er … Chief there are no problems.”
“Oh, so you didn’t speak to Nurse Gilroy?” he asked like he was catching me in a lie.
“Oh. Well … um … you don’t really want to talk about … girl stuff do you?”
“Er …”
“Because that’s mostly what it was. Or a pre-emptive strike against girl stuff.”
He blinked and then said, “Pre-emptive strike?”
“Yes Sir. I like that the baby jiggle is getting under control. And I like that my legs feel stronger and my balance is better on the trail. But Bam-Bam has needs too. And I just wanted to make sure that me getting better wasn’t making things worse for him. And since you aren’t a girl, I figured it might be better and save everyone a few steps if I simply went to the person I would eventually have to have a discussion about this with anyway. Plus, it made her feel … wellllll … a little important and I figured that couldn’t hurt the situation. Or did I screw up the chain of command or something?”
He eventually started chuckling like he didn’t want to and then shook his head. “No, I don’t want to discuss ‘girl stuff’ but as your Chief-Mentor I don’t always get to pick the topics that need to be discussed. I knew there would be crap like that when I agreed to take you on. You did circumvent the chain of command a bit, but I understand why and will cut you some slack. However, in the future … no matter if it makes either one of us uncomfortable … anything that pertains to your schedule, you need to come to me about it. And while I agree you probably pulled something off with Nurse Gilroy, do that too often and she’ll see through you.”
I tried to look innocent and he only chuckled again. “Now let’s see if you can still do upward and cross elbow strikes. And don’t make the face. You’ll be doing them on the mannequin. One bloody nose a week is my limit. If you can get through this week and demonstrate your technique is sound, I’ll be bringing the men in on some of our morning training sessions.”
“Oh they’re just going to love that,” I said with my sarcasm knob turned way up.
He chuckled again. “Good. And they’ll love you tossing them on their asses too. But it’s good for them. They’re getting complacent … and not taking you seriously enough as a team member. Now let’s begin. Women in the field isn’t my preference, but these days it is a fact of life and a man must learn to live with it and use it to advantage. A minnow like you, with the right training, could be used as a surprise element that could tip the scales.”
Chapter 22 (Part 2)
Chief Jackson would do things like that, surprise you with insight and sometimes praise … or at least say things that you could personally feel good about … even if no one else would see it the same way. And I came to understand that the guys seeing me as a mascot or little sister was partly my fault as I tended to use their attitude to my advantage when I could, the same way I used to play dumb when situations became uncomfortable. On the other hand, I don’t know if the guys would have ever willingly seen me as a real member of the team and not simply someone they had to slow down for or take care of because I wasn’t capable of keeping up without the motivation that Chief Jackson started to give them. They never saw Lincoln and Markham that way. I’m pretty sure they didn’t see Jan and Jen that way either.
The first time I threw Dallas with a half-shoulder throw I thought Chief Jackson was going to give himself a hernia laughing.
Helping Dallas up off the ground I told him apologetically, “Sorry Dallas. It really isn’t that funny.”
That only made the Chief laugh more. I just shook my head and said, “Next.” Cooper and Chay both gave me a deer in the headlights looks and that almost made me grin. It took more than one throw to convince them all that I was serious about that part of our training; it took longer for them to convince themselves I wasn’t made of glass and could be thrown as well. That wasn’t fun but it was necessary so that I could practice my blocks against something besides a stupid mannequin or invisible opponent.
# # # # # # # # # #
The academics part of my training was what it was … just more school. I didn’t dislike it, but Chief Clancy had a talent for making a subject as boring as it was possible to be. Luckily most of my academic grades came from my other coursework in both comprehension and application activities. I got a lot of the sciences from Chief Jackson by writing papers for him … astronomy, orienteering, geology, biology, etc. The mathematics I got during some of the family life coursework – that was consumer math, budgeting, etc. – and the rest I got during my entrepreneurial training.
Now that was a learning experience. I met a new chief in entrepreneurial and surprise, surprise his name was Chief Haygood. You have that right, one of THE Haygoods. Certainly added a bit of pressure, no two ways around that. Chief Haygood was a cousin of Judge Haygood, apparently a close cousin. Ugh. My first project was a doozy … but turned out to be a lot easier than it looked.
There were only a couple of us in the program and the other two were men who had previous experience in the military. Our first assignment was to come up with a business venture that would benefit The Farm.
“I want an estimated budget and support for your figures. You need to include a supply list. Costs, including labor and any administrative costs need to be estimated and part of the overall framework. I want to see a serious proposal on my desk in two weeks. All three of you have experience and strengths that you can use … or you can take it in a completely different direction. That’s the sum total of my guidance on this. Before we go any further I need to see what you have to work with and which areas you need further practice.”
The sum total of his guidance was right. I didn’t have a clue how to make a proposal of any kind much less something like he was asking for. I panicked until I was exercising in my room that night and had to move some of the work I was still doing for Chief Larkin. Chief Haygood said play to my strengths. Well, after giving it due thought, I had one heck of a proposal idea.
It took every bit of the two weeks I had to completely flesh things out. It wasn’t that the idea was so difficult to come up with, it was doing all the stuff to turn it into a legitimate business proposal at the same time I was doing all of my other work. Training in the morning before breakfast, Survival training with Chief Jackson four days a week. Child and family coursework twice a week. Academics in Hall A. Projects for Chief Larkin in Textiles. Finding the time to take care of things like making clothes for Bam-Bam who was outgrowing all of the stuff that I’d had for him when we came to The Farm. Washing all of our things. Basic health and hygiene like bathing, washing my hair which could be time consuming because of how long and thick it was getting, and even using the depilatories on my legs and underarms.
I didn’t resent any of it. In fact I really enjoyed it … well except for the forced socializing insisted upon by Chief Delray, but even that became tolerable once I got to know some of the people in child and family beyond the three caballeros otherwise known as Mickey, Trudeau, and Mitch. Eh, Mitch wasn’t so bad but the other two could be serious pains. And though I was exhausted it also made the time go faster and I kept reminding myself that at the end I would have a real chance to provide a better life for Bam-Bam and myself.
I turned in the business proposal and it was a week before I heard anything. I was the last one and the other two men looked like they’d been runover by a semi when they finished their meeting and absolutely refused to talk about it. Boy was I getting nervous. I was really sick to my stomach when I came to one of my morning trainings to find all of the chiefs there.
Something must have shown on my face because Chief Jackson said, “Relax McCormick. This is just the easiest time to get us all together in one place.”
I still wasn’t too sure until Chief Madison said, “You know that advice you gave Dallas and Cooper about no one being out to cause a trainee to wash out? It was good advice and you need to take it yourself.” She added, “Come sit down and let’s get this over with so we can all have some breakfast.”
Chief Haygood said, “Young lady I want to ask you in front of witnesses … did you have any help writing this?”
He was holding up my proposal and I said, “No Sir.”
“The content, the form, nothing?”
“Well, I had to go online – I got permission from Chief Clancy – to find the format for a business proposal but it didn’t quite fit the parameters that you’d given us. This is more like a grant proposal. The content is what you asked for … costs, labor, that sort of thing … and I just plugged what I knew into the format I chose.”
“Clancy?”
“She did ask permission. I had to key her in. I remember because I double checked to make sure it wasn’t anything inappropriate as the data usage was unusual, plus she was accessing industry journals as well as textbooks. But it aligns with what she says.”
“Hmmm. And the idea Trainee?”
Trying not to “um” and “er” too much I answered, “You said to play to our strengths, but you also said it was to benefit The Farm. My previous experience is in online sales, in particular online sales of used and/or refurbished items. I realize that some of the benefits that I listed for The Farm might be stretching the definition a bit but it seems, from what I read, that writing a proposal is similar in nature to writing a resume … you put as much as you can in a good light.”
Chief Jackson said, “I’ll bite, what is this proposal?”
I turned and asked, “You haven’t read it yet?”
“Nope. Has anyone else here read it?”
Chief Haygood answered for everyone, “Besides myself and Chief Larkin, no. The only reason I went to Larkin is because I wanted to know just how realistic some of her price lists were.” Turning to me he said, “Consider this a test. The men and women here are going to act as a combination Board of Directors and Funding Agency. Present your proposal for review.”
All I could do was think holy crap. But he’d said it was a test so I drew a breath and started. “Thank you for seeing me today. I have a proposal that has the potential for benefitting The Farm financially and several of the trainees currently in residence with a way of showcasing their talents. My proposal has as its finale a ‘Re-Fashion Show.’”
“A what?” Chief Jackson asked.
“A fashion show but with items made over or re-fashioned. I have been making items for Chief Larkin since early on. He’s been placing them in the thrift store that The Farm operates in town. My understanding is that they’ve been selling within a week of them being displayed.”
Chief Larkin said, “It has gotten to where they are usually gone within a day or two of coming in. We even have people coming in and asking for things. And I’m talking all of it … from refashioned clothing pieces to the accessories she’s been making.”
“When the hell have you been doing this?”
Looking at Chief Jackson I said, “At night. I consider it homework. I usually can only complete three clothing items in a week but depending on what I have left over I can make several accessories as well. It relaxes me.”
“Hmph.”
Chief Madison asked, “You mentioned involving other trainees.”
“Yes ma’am. Actually this is where Chief Delray would come in. We’d need her permission and participation, and likely supervision to some extent, at least for the trainees that I can name directly as potential beneficiaries.” The formerly bored woman sat up at that point and I quickly continued, “I’ve met several trainees in Child and Family that have particular talents. A re-fashion show would give them the opportunity to not only demonstrate these talents but showcase them and include them on a professional resume. A practical demonstration of a high level of skill would make all of us more employable.”
Chief Delray snapped, “Explain. I won’t have trainees taken advantage of.”
“No ma’am,” I responded. Then taking a calming breath, I explained, “We are all supposed to be stretching ourselves and working towards both personal and professional goals. At the meet and greet I heard people that said they were good with hair and grooming, make-up, sound and lighting, and in several other areas. Most of them are realistic in the near term; personally, I’m not sure about their long-term plans but that isn’t my responsibility or business. I do know that they understand that their initial job placement may not be in the field of their preference; however, none of them are ready to give up the big dreams. By trainees being invited to participate in this fund-raising event, then agreeing and applying their skills and a good attitude, they will have the opportunity to give back to The Farm in return for what The Farm is currently doing for us and as a side benefit they’ll have a significant addition to their resume which will increase their employability both in the short term and long term.”
I got a few surprised looks. Chief Haygood asked, “Who gave you these talking points?”
“Gave me?” I asked confused by the question.
Chief Jackson snorted. “You obviously haven’t spent much time around this trainee. She’s either so quiet you’re wondering what is wrong with her; or, she can sell ice cream to a snowman. She gets the men to do the damnedest things.”
I shook my head, “Er … that doesn’t sound very nice.”
“Well you can relax. I’m not inferring anything inappropriate is occurring. I’m just saying you can be a snake charmer when you want to be.”
“Ugh. That doesn’t sound very nice either.”
He looked straight at me and asked, “So?”
I bit my tongue, but he sat there and smiled because he knew I was having to force myself to do it.
Chief Haygood cleared his throat and asked me to continue. I did, explaining how the various trainees could contribute, the costs involved, how I had come up with the costs, where the refashioned items would come from and how we could then sell them, as well as other items prepared ahead of time.
I concluded by saying, “We could incorporate other fundraising into it – such as selling handmade items manufactured in other training programs – and even have a ‘showcase’ area to make the more service-oriented training programs visible. The possibilities are nearly endless … silent auctions for the items that see the catwalk, food gift baskets, crafted items from local natural materials or rehabbed items in a trash to treasure theme. If approved, I suggest calling the event ‘Go Green’ or something similarly catchy; a play on a still popular cultural movement as well as the idea of saving money. The letters in the words would be a font or graphic design showing dollar bills in some way and the O in go could be one of the better-known cryptocurrencies. Or perhaps a sign that highlights the nature of The Farm.” Not sure how to shut up and end things I fell back on the old tried and true, “Um … thank you for your time and feedback.”
I had learned not to get too invested in my ideas being taken seriously by those with power and authority over me. A sad fact of life is that people don’t think much of ideas unless they are the ones that come up with them. I was also aware that there could be issues I didn’t have any knowledge of like what a non-profit could get away with, labor laws in Georgia, political pressure, how wide the audience would be for something like a re-fashion show. I decided to just look at it like an assignment that needed to look like it was going someplace but that wasn’t really going to happen.
Chief Jackson looked around and said, “All right people, are we finished here? Because I have large group right after breakfast … and I’d like to actually eat breakfast instead of just smell it.”
Everyone but Chief Haygood got up and headed towards the Dining Hall. I waited and the man finally stated, “Very good Trainee McCormick. You passed your first test. Your next assignment is to work with Chief Larkin. He’s taken a fancy to your work. Have you received a bonus yet?”
“Bonus? Uh … no Sir. Not that I’m aware.”
He nodded. “Then you’ve been working for free?”
“Not exactly Sir. I’ve received things to help with Bam-Bam and I get fed every day and I’m also going to school and getting training. If I was in a private school … or even a public high school setting … I would be expected to pay tuition or fees. No one here at The Farm has asked me to pay but I know there must be a reckoning of some type. If I am offsetting that reckoning by using my existing skills to provide merchandise to the thrift store that in turn benefits The Farm then I have no problem doing so. Er … Sir.”
He looked at me like he could see into me. Was more than a little creepy if you want to know the truth.
Finally he nodded again and said, “Keep the good attitude McCormick. It will serve you well. By the end of the month all of you trainees will start receiving your monthly benefits statement. Once you have it in hand you will go over it with Chief Jackson to find a way to maximize your input for The Farm’s return. Given your placement you will likely also have Chiefs Delray and Madison reviewing it. Chief Larkin may or may not be called to add in his suggestions or approve any course of action including his track. When you have a finalized product turn it into me.”
“Yes Sir.”
“You may go get some breakfast … and feed Junior before he gnaws that duck in half.” He gave a small chuckle at my surprise. “My wife and I had six boys.” Then sadly he said, “We’ve lost three to this damn war.” Then another moment and he added, “Keep up your efforts with the soldiers. Chief Jackson seems to think you are serving a purpose to bring them around.”
“They’re not bad … just they’re all sheep dog.” At his questioning look I added, “If I’d had a brother I imagine I wouldn’t have minded if he was something like those three are. I know Dad would have approved of their protective nature no matter how irritating I might find it sometimes. And they’re better … more relaxed and … maybe more at peace … at least so long as they don’t get bombarded by a crowd they aren’t prepared for. Dallas and Cooper don’t really mind it so much at all so long as the girls aren’t getting silly and the noise is kept to a dull roar … Chay … had it worse so it is going to take longer and … and maybe he’ll always need some space to manage the memories. And the injuries to his mouth and throat may never get much better than they are right now so he’s never going to orate War and Peace. But I was mute part of my life … and I get my point across most of the time these days. Sometimes I even talk too much.”
He grinned and tossed his head towards the trail and said, “Breakfast. Now.”
Gratefully I said, “Yes Sir.”
Chief Jackson would do things like that, surprise you with insight and sometimes praise … or at least say things that you could personally feel good about … even if no one else would see it the same way. And I came to understand that the guys seeing me as a mascot or little sister was partly my fault as I tended to use their attitude to my advantage when I could, the same way I used to play dumb when situations became uncomfortable. On the other hand, I don’t know if the guys would have ever willingly seen me as a real member of the team and not simply someone they had to slow down for or take care of because I wasn’t capable of keeping up without the motivation that Chief Jackson started to give them. They never saw Lincoln and Markham that way. I’m pretty sure they didn’t see Jan and Jen that way either.
The first time I threw Dallas with a half-shoulder throw I thought Chief Jackson was going to give himself a hernia laughing.
Helping Dallas up off the ground I told him apologetically, “Sorry Dallas. It really isn’t that funny.”
That only made the Chief laugh more. I just shook my head and said, “Next.” Cooper and Chay both gave me a deer in the headlights looks and that almost made me grin. It took more than one throw to convince them all that I was serious about that part of our training; it took longer for them to convince themselves I wasn’t made of glass and could be thrown as well. That wasn’t fun but it was necessary so that I could practice my blocks against something besides a stupid mannequin or invisible opponent.
# # # # # # # # # #
The academics part of my training was what it was … just more school. I didn’t dislike it, but Chief Clancy had a talent for making a subject as boring as it was possible to be. Luckily most of my academic grades came from my other coursework in both comprehension and application activities. I got a lot of the sciences from Chief Jackson by writing papers for him … astronomy, orienteering, geology, biology, etc. The mathematics I got during some of the family life coursework – that was consumer math, budgeting, etc. – and the rest I got during my entrepreneurial training.
Now that was a learning experience. I met a new chief in entrepreneurial and surprise, surprise his name was Chief Haygood. You have that right, one of THE Haygoods. Certainly added a bit of pressure, no two ways around that. Chief Haygood was a cousin of Judge Haygood, apparently a close cousin. Ugh. My first project was a doozy … but turned out to be a lot easier than it looked.
There were only a couple of us in the program and the other two were men who had previous experience in the military. Our first assignment was to come up with a business venture that would benefit The Farm.
“I want an estimated budget and support for your figures. You need to include a supply list. Costs, including labor and any administrative costs need to be estimated and part of the overall framework. I want to see a serious proposal on my desk in two weeks. All three of you have experience and strengths that you can use … or you can take it in a completely different direction. That’s the sum total of my guidance on this. Before we go any further I need to see what you have to work with and which areas you need further practice.”
The sum total of his guidance was right. I didn’t have a clue how to make a proposal of any kind much less something like he was asking for. I panicked until I was exercising in my room that night and had to move some of the work I was still doing for Chief Larkin. Chief Haygood said play to my strengths. Well, after giving it due thought, I had one heck of a proposal idea.
It took every bit of the two weeks I had to completely flesh things out. It wasn’t that the idea was so difficult to come up with, it was doing all the stuff to turn it into a legitimate business proposal at the same time I was doing all of my other work. Training in the morning before breakfast, Survival training with Chief Jackson four days a week. Child and family coursework twice a week. Academics in Hall A. Projects for Chief Larkin in Textiles. Finding the time to take care of things like making clothes for Bam-Bam who was outgrowing all of the stuff that I’d had for him when we came to The Farm. Washing all of our things. Basic health and hygiene like bathing, washing my hair which could be time consuming because of how long and thick it was getting, and even using the depilatories on my legs and underarms.
I didn’t resent any of it. In fact I really enjoyed it … well except for the forced socializing insisted upon by Chief Delray, but even that became tolerable once I got to know some of the people in child and family beyond the three caballeros otherwise known as Mickey, Trudeau, and Mitch. Eh, Mitch wasn’t so bad but the other two could be serious pains. And though I was exhausted it also made the time go faster and I kept reminding myself that at the end I would have a real chance to provide a better life for Bam-Bam and myself.
I turned in the business proposal and it was a week before I heard anything. I was the last one and the other two men looked like they’d been runover by a semi when they finished their meeting and absolutely refused to talk about it. Boy was I getting nervous. I was really sick to my stomach when I came to one of my morning trainings to find all of the chiefs there.
Something must have shown on my face because Chief Jackson said, “Relax McCormick. This is just the easiest time to get us all together in one place.”
I still wasn’t too sure until Chief Madison said, “You know that advice you gave Dallas and Cooper about no one being out to cause a trainee to wash out? It was good advice and you need to take it yourself.” She added, “Come sit down and let’s get this over with so we can all have some breakfast.”
Chief Haygood said, “Young lady I want to ask you in front of witnesses … did you have any help writing this?”
He was holding up my proposal and I said, “No Sir.”
“The content, the form, nothing?”
“Well, I had to go online – I got permission from Chief Clancy – to find the format for a business proposal but it didn’t quite fit the parameters that you’d given us. This is more like a grant proposal. The content is what you asked for … costs, labor, that sort of thing … and I just plugged what I knew into the format I chose.”
“Clancy?”
“She did ask permission. I had to key her in. I remember because I double checked to make sure it wasn’t anything inappropriate as the data usage was unusual, plus she was accessing industry journals as well as textbooks. But it aligns with what she says.”
“Hmmm. And the idea Trainee?”
Trying not to “um” and “er” too much I answered, “You said to play to our strengths, but you also said it was to benefit The Farm. My previous experience is in online sales, in particular online sales of used and/or refurbished items. I realize that some of the benefits that I listed for The Farm might be stretching the definition a bit but it seems, from what I read, that writing a proposal is similar in nature to writing a resume … you put as much as you can in a good light.”
Chief Jackson said, “I’ll bite, what is this proposal?”
I turned and asked, “You haven’t read it yet?”
“Nope. Has anyone else here read it?”
Chief Haygood answered for everyone, “Besides myself and Chief Larkin, no. The only reason I went to Larkin is because I wanted to know just how realistic some of her price lists were.” Turning to me he said, “Consider this a test. The men and women here are going to act as a combination Board of Directors and Funding Agency. Present your proposal for review.”
All I could do was think holy crap. But he’d said it was a test so I drew a breath and started. “Thank you for seeing me today. I have a proposal that has the potential for benefitting The Farm financially and several of the trainees currently in residence with a way of showcasing their talents. My proposal has as its finale a ‘Re-Fashion Show.’”
“A what?” Chief Jackson asked.
“A fashion show but with items made over or re-fashioned. I have been making items for Chief Larkin since early on. He’s been placing them in the thrift store that The Farm operates in town. My understanding is that they’ve been selling within a week of them being displayed.”
Chief Larkin said, “It has gotten to where they are usually gone within a day or two of coming in. We even have people coming in and asking for things. And I’m talking all of it … from refashioned clothing pieces to the accessories she’s been making.”
“When the hell have you been doing this?”
Looking at Chief Jackson I said, “At night. I consider it homework. I usually can only complete three clothing items in a week but depending on what I have left over I can make several accessories as well. It relaxes me.”
“Hmph.”
Chief Madison asked, “You mentioned involving other trainees.”
“Yes ma’am. Actually this is where Chief Delray would come in. We’d need her permission and participation, and likely supervision to some extent, at least for the trainees that I can name directly as potential beneficiaries.” The formerly bored woman sat up at that point and I quickly continued, “I’ve met several trainees in Child and Family that have particular talents. A re-fashion show would give them the opportunity to not only demonstrate these talents but showcase them and include them on a professional resume. A practical demonstration of a high level of skill would make all of us more employable.”
Chief Delray snapped, “Explain. I won’t have trainees taken advantage of.”
“No ma’am,” I responded. Then taking a calming breath, I explained, “We are all supposed to be stretching ourselves and working towards both personal and professional goals. At the meet and greet I heard people that said they were good with hair and grooming, make-up, sound and lighting, and in several other areas. Most of them are realistic in the near term; personally, I’m not sure about their long-term plans but that isn’t my responsibility or business. I do know that they understand that their initial job placement may not be in the field of their preference; however, none of them are ready to give up the big dreams. By trainees being invited to participate in this fund-raising event, then agreeing and applying their skills and a good attitude, they will have the opportunity to give back to The Farm in return for what The Farm is currently doing for us and as a side benefit they’ll have a significant addition to their resume which will increase their employability both in the short term and long term.”
I got a few surprised looks. Chief Haygood asked, “Who gave you these talking points?”
“Gave me?” I asked confused by the question.
Chief Jackson snorted. “You obviously haven’t spent much time around this trainee. She’s either so quiet you’re wondering what is wrong with her; or, she can sell ice cream to a snowman. She gets the men to do the damnedest things.”
I shook my head, “Er … that doesn’t sound very nice.”
“Well you can relax. I’m not inferring anything inappropriate is occurring. I’m just saying you can be a snake charmer when you want to be.”
“Ugh. That doesn’t sound very nice either.”
He looked straight at me and asked, “So?”
I bit my tongue, but he sat there and smiled because he knew I was having to force myself to do it.
Chief Haygood cleared his throat and asked me to continue. I did, explaining how the various trainees could contribute, the costs involved, how I had come up with the costs, where the refashioned items would come from and how we could then sell them, as well as other items prepared ahead of time.
I concluded by saying, “We could incorporate other fundraising into it – such as selling handmade items manufactured in other training programs – and even have a ‘showcase’ area to make the more service-oriented training programs visible. The possibilities are nearly endless … silent auctions for the items that see the catwalk, food gift baskets, crafted items from local natural materials or rehabbed items in a trash to treasure theme. If approved, I suggest calling the event ‘Go Green’ or something similarly catchy; a play on a still popular cultural movement as well as the idea of saving money. The letters in the words would be a font or graphic design showing dollar bills in some way and the O in go could be one of the better-known cryptocurrencies. Or perhaps a sign that highlights the nature of The Farm.” Not sure how to shut up and end things I fell back on the old tried and true, “Um … thank you for your time and feedback.”
I had learned not to get too invested in my ideas being taken seriously by those with power and authority over me. A sad fact of life is that people don’t think much of ideas unless they are the ones that come up with them. I was also aware that there could be issues I didn’t have any knowledge of like what a non-profit could get away with, labor laws in Georgia, political pressure, how wide the audience would be for something like a re-fashion show. I decided to just look at it like an assignment that needed to look like it was going someplace but that wasn’t really going to happen.
Chief Jackson looked around and said, “All right people, are we finished here? Because I have large group right after breakfast … and I’d like to actually eat breakfast instead of just smell it.”
Everyone but Chief Haygood got up and headed towards the Dining Hall. I waited and the man finally stated, “Very good Trainee McCormick. You passed your first test. Your next assignment is to work with Chief Larkin. He’s taken a fancy to your work. Have you received a bonus yet?”
“Bonus? Uh … no Sir. Not that I’m aware.”
He nodded. “Then you’ve been working for free?”
“Not exactly Sir. I’ve received things to help with Bam-Bam and I get fed every day and I’m also going to school and getting training. If I was in a private school … or even a public high school setting … I would be expected to pay tuition or fees. No one here at The Farm has asked me to pay but I know there must be a reckoning of some type. If I am offsetting that reckoning by using my existing skills to provide merchandise to the thrift store that in turn benefits The Farm then I have no problem doing so. Er … Sir.”
He looked at me like he could see into me. Was more than a little creepy if you want to know the truth.
Finally he nodded again and said, “Keep the good attitude McCormick. It will serve you well. By the end of the month all of you trainees will start receiving your monthly benefits statement. Once you have it in hand you will go over it with Chief Jackson to find a way to maximize your input for The Farm’s return. Given your placement you will likely also have Chiefs Delray and Madison reviewing it. Chief Larkin may or may not be called to add in his suggestions or approve any course of action including his track. When you have a finalized product turn it into me.”
“Yes Sir.”
“You may go get some breakfast … and feed Junior before he gnaws that duck in half.” He gave a small chuckle at my surprise. “My wife and I had six boys.” Then sadly he said, “We’ve lost three to this damn war.” Then another moment and he added, “Keep up your efforts with the soldiers. Chief Jackson seems to think you are serving a purpose to bring them around.”
“They’re not bad … just they’re all sheep dog.” At his questioning look I added, “If I’d had a brother I imagine I wouldn’t have minded if he was something like those three are. I know Dad would have approved of their protective nature no matter how irritating I might find it sometimes. And they’re better … more relaxed and … maybe more at peace … at least so long as they don’t get bombarded by a crowd they aren’t prepared for. Dallas and Cooper don’t really mind it so much at all so long as the girls aren’t getting silly and the noise is kept to a dull roar … Chay … had it worse so it is going to take longer and … and maybe he’ll always need some space to manage the memories. And the injuries to his mouth and throat may never get much better than they are right now so he’s never going to orate War and Peace. But I was mute part of my life … and I get my point across most of the time these days. Sometimes I even talk too much.”
He grinned and tossed his head towards the trail and said, “Breakfast. Now.”
Gratefully I said, “Yes Sir.”
CHAPTER 23 (Part 1)
January was also when Chief Jackson introduced me to a “traditional hunting apparatus.” Since I wasn’t eighteen yet, and Georgia was very strict about licensing, the Chief decided I was a great candidate to teach archery to. So now, in addition to the other practices and drills he had me do I spent thirty minutes a day practicing using different types of bows and arrows. The best was when he let me practice with a compound bow or cross bow, but I also had to learn to practice with a long bow, a short bow, a recurve, and a flatbow. I could go into the different types of arrows, but they don’t mean anything right here.
The other thing that happened in January is that I started building my BOB. I still think that is a silly name for something and when I asked what guys would think if we started calling them Robertas I got the old hairy eyeball from all of them; even Chay looked at me like I was way passed being ridiculous. I let it go but honestly, it seems guys have to name everything so they can “own” it or something … from cars all the way to apparently but-out-bags.
As for my BOB, first came the primary container. The guys and Lincoln and Markham already had a “tactical backpack” of their own. The men’s were left over from their time in the military. Lincoln and Markham had earned theirs for passing into their third semester at the top of their class. Normally a scrub of my level wouldn’t start earning the contents of a BOB until the middle of their second semester and would still have to figure out how to save up enough credits to buy one, earn one, or some variation there of; but, because of my assignment to Chief Jackson I was going to get to do things a little different.
The problem was that I didn’t have a backpack, not even my old school backpack which hadn’t held up to life after the storm. What I did have was a pattern for a diaper bag that was designed to look like a backpack. I also had some canvas type material leftover from some men’s heavy farm-all pants that I had deconstructed and never used because of the placement of some damage. I even had a little bit of water-proofing spray left over though just barely enough to give it one good coat. It took me most of a week to make because I was so busy doing other homework, but the finished product actually passed Chief Jackson’s inspection. And wasn’t he surprised. And wasn’t I surprised when he showed me how to use permanent markers that he gave me to give the bag what he called a forest-camo finish.
The first thing I put into my BOB was the tactical flashlight that the Chief had given me after the never-to-be-mentioned-again-butt-slide in the mud. The second thing that I did was put together a drawstring bag of stuff for Bam-Bam to go in there too. That got another approval from the Chief. That in turn earned me the chance to pick something else to go into my BOB. I picked a big spool of paracord, I mean a big friggin’ spool; only downside was that it was dayglo orange just like everything else. You see, even if the others all thought I’d wasted an opportunity – I think they thought I should have chosen the big honking knife that would have made me look like that old character Rambo – the reality is that I had a plan.
The next morning, after breakfast, I made a production of taking off my coat before taking my tray to put it away. I walked by the Staff table with Bam-Bam out of the sling. No one paid attention which I suppose I should have guessed until Nurse Gilroy stopped me on the way back to the table.
“What on earth is Blake chewing on?!”
“I made him a chew toy out of some paracord I earned. And yes, I sterilized it,” I added, forestalling what I knew would be her next question. “The paracord is woven around a piece of heavy dress boning I had leftover from a refashion project.”
That’s when I heard Chief Larkin call me over to the Staff table. Nurse Gilroy let me go but only after admonishing me to keep it sterilized. I hustled over to the table and then he said, “Step back.”
I did and then he grinned. “I take it we no longer need to find you a belt Trainee?”
I grinned and said, “No Sir. Droopy-drawers problem solved without having to resort to a new uniform before the end of the semester.”
That’s when Chief Jackson focuses on what we were talking about. He was disgruntled for a moment and asked, “If you needed a new uniform why didn’t you say something?”
“Just getting rid of the baby jiggles with all that morning exercise and the hiking. My butt is still just as wide but my waist is smaller … therefore I needed more belt than that little clippy string thing that came with the pants. And it is even scrub orange so doesn’t clash with the clown-pumpkin thing I have going.”
I pirouetted for him and explained, “The clips are from an old purse that fell apart and the belt used up fifty feet of the paracord. I still have cord left but now it fits into an old stuff bag I have. Plus, even if I lose my BOB I’ll still have emergency rope. Win-win.”
He just shook his head. “Fine. Just make sure your butt gets to class on time, along with the rest of you and your side car passenger too. Go to the freaking prom on your own time.” But he was smiling slightly while he said it so I smiled and said, “Yes Sir!”
Chief Delray and Chief Madison both rolled their eyes as, while they’d grown to tolerate how Chief Jackson and I interacted, they didn’t exactly approve completely. But that was his hotseat to sit in, not mine. I didn’t mind it because I’d figured him out. He was very sheep doggy. His problem was he wasn’t used to dealing with kids … which is what he really considered both me and Bam-Bam. He’d made a compromise, but on his own terms, that let him keep his tough guy persona – not that he wasn’t a tough guy but that’s not all he was – while at the same time do his job and make sure that I was tough enough to deal with life after The Farm. Count me grateful that he’d chosen that route rather than treating me like a baby with no sense whatsoever.
Towards the end of January, the snowstorms let up – hooray because I was sick of them and sick of freezing my tail feathers off – and we went back to our regularly scheduled large outdoor class time for OSC (Outdoor Survival Course). The guys weren’t thrilled, but it meant that we could do some larger projects. One of the first new OSC projects we did that month is that we cleared the fence line near the gate of these bright orangey-red berries … only they weren’t berries but were rose hips. Some of us lost nearly a pint of blood picking them but it was worth it despite the man-eating thorn bushes.
Rose hips are higher in Vitamin C than most anything else that is natural; more than oranges even. That’s an important thing to know to keep away things like scurvy and rickets; two diseases that they’d solved in the early 20th century in this country by “enriching” a lot of packaged foods, but which started making a comeback after the Green Revolution because a lot of the “enrichment” became against the law because of the “no additives” laws by the FDA. That’s one of those “road paved to hell with good intentions” things that no one expected but it has become our reality just like in third world countries. Bloated bellies and bowed legs are common sights in day care centers and schools. It has become as big an issue as Alcohol Syndrome or pot-induced premature births are in some populations. And the reason why I know so much is because I was force-fed the do’s and don’ts at the half-way house. So, I know about nutrition, I just know there is also a lot I don’t know; but, that’s why I found some of the stuff we learned at The Farm so cool.
The projects with the rose hips were fun though I realized that not everyone was serious about it, and some were almost too serious. Mari and her crowd were almost bi-polar on the subject. On the one hand they were big on the gifts “Gaia” provides to the faithful schtick. On the other hand, they were nearly vicious with their opinion that most people had no right to touch anything that “Gaia” provided. I mostly ignored it and stayed away from them and out of their line of sight. They didn’t make it easy, but I still only lost my cool once and it wasn’t with Mari directly.
One of her sycophants was trying to start something with Mitch. Look, Mitch’s life choices are Mitch’s life choices. Normally I would say not my monkeys, not my circus; however, I can’t stand bullies. I’m not sure why specifically Mitch and that crew of guys is at the farm, but I can make a guess. The reality was that all of us at The Farm had some kind of problem, if we didn’t we wouldn’t have been there. But some problems were definitely more noticeable than others. I was beginning to think Mari’s was some type of personality disorder with a side order of narcissism that liked to get expressed by tormenting others. Whatever it was she was good at manipulating certain types of people and this time she managed to get someone to go after Mitch. Mitch is on hormones to keep his body looking male but that doesn’t mean Mitch can completely ignore the genetic biology reality. Mitch can PMS with the best of them, but it comes with a side order of aggression. It didn’t take an Einstein to see a fight was brewing and I couldn’t have been the only one wondering why the heck the Staff didn’t shut the stupid down.
That’s when the jerkette starts going on about Mitch and his kid being unnatural and wasting the precious gifts of Gaia, how Mitch should be thrown into a re-education camp and have a forced reversal, and how the kid … well that’s all she wrote because Mickey and Trudeau were about to start popping off too. So as you can guess, Doe’s mouth took a left turn into crazy.
“Hey, hey, hey Guuurrrllll. Watch that carbon footprint you are breathing all over the place with your spew, you’re going to equal cow flatulence level if you aren’t careful. And you hyperventilating on top of it is using up precious oxygen. No seriously. I saw it on a Tri-V report on the Green Gaia Priests that take a vow of silence because humans talking desecrates the earth by affronting the ozone layer with CO2 and disturbing Gaia with all the noise pollution. So … something to give some serious brain time over mouth time to.”
That’s about the time Staff decided to notice but I’d already started loudly explaining to Trudeau that, “No, red does not always mean poisonous. Apples are red. Raspberries are red. Strawberries are red.”
Trudeau is not quite as silly as he plays at being as he went along with it and says, “I’m allergic to strawberries. I get spots when I eat them.”
I stopped and gave him a once over – remember Trudeau is as dark as an Ethiopian prince – and ask, “How can you tell?”
He was surprised for about half a second and then starts laughing that high-pitched laugh he has that can break glass when he gets too loud. Mitch is still a little angry but has it under control and Mickey is just shaking his head like I have holes in mine. Things finally quieten down and I whisper, “You guys have got to stop letting the idiot brigade get under your skin. If you are sure of your choices, then live and let live and let God sort it out on Judgment Day. Don’t change for someone else and don’t ask someone else to change for you. ‘Cause you know if that happens it isn’t real.”
“Easy for you to say Little Miss Hetero.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. And maybe I get tired of being called Special Needs and people trying to boss me all the time because they think I don’t have enough brain capacity to exercise my Constitutional Rights correctly. Either way if Mizz Thang was all that super duper special she wouldn’t be here with the rest of us on the Island of Misfit Toys. Her being here should tell you she’s got something that is messed up, and if her parents and grandparents really are high up the Greenie food chain like she claims but she still wound up here … then maybe she’s really messed up. Either way, if she tries to put you in the crosshairs, even through a surrogate, try and not let her problems become your problems. Life will be easier that way. Besides …”
“Besides?” Mitch said finally participating in the conversation.
I shrugged. “She’s too good at making people act stupid. How many people is she going to force into getting washed out? It’s dumb. Everyone knows the zero tolerance rules. What? They think that they can cause a fight and not get slapped with the same penalties? If her people are just too stupid to figure that out that’s on them. No one else needs to give them the scope by acting stupid on top of their stupid. You know?”
Mickey nodded first. The other two nodded with reluctance. I knew that if Mickey was as smart as it looked like he might be then he’d talk the other two around. And with that I needed to get back to my own small group.
When I walked over to help pick the next round of hips Cooper said, “Are we finished with the hormonal overload?”
“We should be so lucky.”
It wasn’t the answer he expected but with that many older sisters apparently I didn’t have to explain the details to get him to understand.
“That weird chick at it again?”
“Yeah, or at least probably.”
“Then why get involved? She’d give a lot for you to get caught in making some kind of scene.”
Trying to explain I said, “I do not need Chief Delray to have another reason for making Child and Family anymore extra special crispy.”
January was also when Chief Jackson introduced me to a “traditional hunting apparatus.” Since I wasn’t eighteen yet, and Georgia was very strict about licensing, the Chief decided I was a great candidate to teach archery to. So now, in addition to the other practices and drills he had me do I spent thirty minutes a day practicing using different types of bows and arrows. The best was when he let me practice with a compound bow or cross bow, but I also had to learn to practice with a long bow, a short bow, a recurve, and a flatbow. I could go into the different types of arrows, but they don’t mean anything right here.
The other thing that happened in January is that I started building my BOB. I still think that is a silly name for something and when I asked what guys would think if we started calling them Robertas I got the old hairy eyeball from all of them; even Chay looked at me like I was way passed being ridiculous. I let it go but honestly, it seems guys have to name everything so they can “own” it or something … from cars all the way to apparently but-out-bags.
As for my BOB, first came the primary container. The guys and Lincoln and Markham already had a “tactical backpack” of their own. The men’s were left over from their time in the military. Lincoln and Markham had earned theirs for passing into their third semester at the top of their class. Normally a scrub of my level wouldn’t start earning the contents of a BOB until the middle of their second semester and would still have to figure out how to save up enough credits to buy one, earn one, or some variation there of; but, because of my assignment to Chief Jackson I was going to get to do things a little different.
The problem was that I didn’t have a backpack, not even my old school backpack which hadn’t held up to life after the storm. What I did have was a pattern for a diaper bag that was designed to look like a backpack. I also had some canvas type material leftover from some men’s heavy farm-all pants that I had deconstructed and never used because of the placement of some damage. I even had a little bit of water-proofing spray left over though just barely enough to give it one good coat. It took me most of a week to make because I was so busy doing other homework, but the finished product actually passed Chief Jackson’s inspection. And wasn’t he surprised. And wasn’t I surprised when he showed me how to use permanent markers that he gave me to give the bag what he called a forest-camo finish.
The first thing I put into my BOB was the tactical flashlight that the Chief had given me after the never-to-be-mentioned-again-butt-slide in the mud. The second thing that I did was put together a drawstring bag of stuff for Bam-Bam to go in there too. That got another approval from the Chief. That in turn earned me the chance to pick something else to go into my BOB. I picked a big spool of paracord, I mean a big friggin’ spool; only downside was that it was dayglo orange just like everything else. You see, even if the others all thought I’d wasted an opportunity – I think they thought I should have chosen the big honking knife that would have made me look like that old character Rambo – the reality is that I had a plan.
The next morning, after breakfast, I made a production of taking off my coat before taking my tray to put it away. I walked by the Staff table with Bam-Bam out of the sling. No one paid attention which I suppose I should have guessed until Nurse Gilroy stopped me on the way back to the table.
“What on earth is Blake chewing on?!”
“I made him a chew toy out of some paracord I earned. And yes, I sterilized it,” I added, forestalling what I knew would be her next question. “The paracord is woven around a piece of heavy dress boning I had leftover from a refashion project.”
That’s when I heard Chief Larkin call me over to the Staff table. Nurse Gilroy let me go but only after admonishing me to keep it sterilized. I hustled over to the table and then he said, “Step back.”
I did and then he grinned. “I take it we no longer need to find you a belt Trainee?”
I grinned and said, “No Sir. Droopy-drawers problem solved without having to resort to a new uniform before the end of the semester.”
That’s when Chief Jackson focuses on what we were talking about. He was disgruntled for a moment and asked, “If you needed a new uniform why didn’t you say something?”
“Just getting rid of the baby jiggles with all that morning exercise and the hiking. My butt is still just as wide but my waist is smaller … therefore I needed more belt than that little clippy string thing that came with the pants. And it is even scrub orange so doesn’t clash with the clown-pumpkin thing I have going.”
I pirouetted for him and explained, “The clips are from an old purse that fell apart and the belt used up fifty feet of the paracord. I still have cord left but now it fits into an old stuff bag I have. Plus, even if I lose my BOB I’ll still have emergency rope. Win-win.”
He just shook his head. “Fine. Just make sure your butt gets to class on time, along with the rest of you and your side car passenger too. Go to the freaking prom on your own time.” But he was smiling slightly while he said it so I smiled and said, “Yes Sir!”
Chief Delray and Chief Madison both rolled their eyes as, while they’d grown to tolerate how Chief Jackson and I interacted, they didn’t exactly approve completely. But that was his hotseat to sit in, not mine. I didn’t mind it because I’d figured him out. He was very sheep doggy. His problem was he wasn’t used to dealing with kids … which is what he really considered both me and Bam-Bam. He’d made a compromise, but on his own terms, that let him keep his tough guy persona – not that he wasn’t a tough guy but that’s not all he was – while at the same time do his job and make sure that I was tough enough to deal with life after The Farm. Count me grateful that he’d chosen that route rather than treating me like a baby with no sense whatsoever.
Towards the end of January, the snowstorms let up – hooray because I was sick of them and sick of freezing my tail feathers off – and we went back to our regularly scheduled large outdoor class time for OSC (Outdoor Survival Course). The guys weren’t thrilled, but it meant that we could do some larger projects. One of the first new OSC projects we did that month is that we cleared the fence line near the gate of these bright orangey-red berries … only they weren’t berries but were rose hips. Some of us lost nearly a pint of blood picking them but it was worth it despite the man-eating thorn bushes.
Rose hips are higher in Vitamin C than most anything else that is natural; more than oranges even. That’s an important thing to know to keep away things like scurvy and rickets; two diseases that they’d solved in the early 20th century in this country by “enriching” a lot of packaged foods, but which started making a comeback after the Green Revolution because a lot of the “enrichment” became against the law because of the “no additives” laws by the FDA. That’s one of those “road paved to hell with good intentions” things that no one expected but it has become our reality just like in third world countries. Bloated bellies and bowed legs are common sights in day care centers and schools. It has become as big an issue as Alcohol Syndrome or pot-induced premature births are in some populations. And the reason why I know so much is because I was force-fed the do’s and don’ts at the half-way house. So, I know about nutrition, I just know there is also a lot I don’t know; but, that’s why I found some of the stuff we learned at The Farm so cool.
The projects with the rose hips were fun though I realized that not everyone was serious about it, and some were almost too serious. Mari and her crowd were almost bi-polar on the subject. On the one hand they were big on the gifts “Gaia” provides to the faithful schtick. On the other hand, they were nearly vicious with their opinion that most people had no right to touch anything that “Gaia” provided. I mostly ignored it and stayed away from them and out of their line of sight. They didn’t make it easy, but I still only lost my cool once and it wasn’t with Mari directly.
One of her sycophants was trying to start something with Mitch. Look, Mitch’s life choices are Mitch’s life choices. Normally I would say not my monkeys, not my circus; however, I can’t stand bullies. I’m not sure why specifically Mitch and that crew of guys is at the farm, but I can make a guess. The reality was that all of us at The Farm had some kind of problem, if we didn’t we wouldn’t have been there. But some problems were definitely more noticeable than others. I was beginning to think Mari’s was some type of personality disorder with a side order of narcissism that liked to get expressed by tormenting others. Whatever it was she was good at manipulating certain types of people and this time she managed to get someone to go after Mitch. Mitch is on hormones to keep his body looking male but that doesn’t mean Mitch can completely ignore the genetic biology reality. Mitch can PMS with the best of them, but it comes with a side order of aggression. It didn’t take an Einstein to see a fight was brewing and I couldn’t have been the only one wondering why the heck the Staff didn’t shut the stupid down.
That’s when the jerkette starts going on about Mitch and his kid being unnatural and wasting the precious gifts of Gaia, how Mitch should be thrown into a re-education camp and have a forced reversal, and how the kid … well that’s all she wrote because Mickey and Trudeau were about to start popping off too. So as you can guess, Doe’s mouth took a left turn into crazy.
“Hey, hey, hey Guuurrrllll. Watch that carbon footprint you are breathing all over the place with your spew, you’re going to equal cow flatulence level if you aren’t careful. And you hyperventilating on top of it is using up precious oxygen. No seriously. I saw it on a Tri-V report on the Green Gaia Priests that take a vow of silence because humans talking desecrates the earth by affronting the ozone layer with CO2 and disturbing Gaia with all the noise pollution. So … something to give some serious brain time over mouth time to.”
That’s about the time Staff decided to notice but I’d already started loudly explaining to Trudeau that, “No, red does not always mean poisonous. Apples are red. Raspberries are red. Strawberries are red.”
Trudeau is not quite as silly as he plays at being as he went along with it and says, “I’m allergic to strawberries. I get spots when I eat them.”
I stopped and gave him a once over – remember Trudeau is as dark as an Ethiopian prince – and ask, “How can you tell?”
He was surprised for about half a second and then starts laughing that high-pitched laugh he has that can break glass when he gets too loud. Mitch is still a little angry but has it under control and Mickey is just shaking his head like I have holes in mine. Things finally quieten down and I whisper, “You guys have got to stop letting the idiot brigade get under your skin. If you are sure of your choices, then live and let live and let God sort it out on Judgment Day. Don’t change for someone else and don’t ask someone else to change for you. ‘Cause you know if that happens it isn’t real.”
“Easy for you to say Little Miss Hetero.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. And maybe I get tired of being called Special Needs and people trying to boss me all the time because they think I don’t have enough brain capacity to exercise my Constitutional Rights correctly. Either way if Mizz Thang was all that super duper special she wouldn’t be here with the rest of us on the Island of Misfit Toys. Her being here should tell you she’s got something that is messed up, and if her parents and grandparents really are high up the Greenie food chain like she claims but she still wound up here … then maybe she’s really messed up. Either way, if she tries to put you in the crosshairs, even through a surrogate, try and not let her problems become your problems. Life will be easier that way. Besides …”
“Besides?” Mitch said finally participating in the conversation.
I shrugged. “She’s too good at making people act stupid. How many people is she going to force into getting washed out? It’s dumb. Everyone knows the zero tolerance rules. What? They think that they can cause a fight and not get slapped with the same penalties? If her people are just too stupid to figure that out that’s on them. No one else needs to give them the scope by acting stupid on top of their stupid. You know?”
Mickey nodded first. The other two nodded with reluctance. I knew that if Mickey was as smart as it looked like he might be then he’d talk the other two around. And with that I needed to get back to my own small group.
When I walked over to help pick the next round of hips Cooper said, “Are we finished with the hormonal overload?”
“We should be so lucky.”
It wasn’t the answer he expected but with that many older sisters apparently I didn’t have to explain the details to get him to understand.
“That weird chick at it again?”
“Yeah, or at least probably.”
“Then why get involved? She’d give a lot for you to get caught in making some kind of scene.”
Trying to explain I said, “I do not need Chief Delray to have another reason for making Child and Family anymore extra special crispy.”
Chapter 23 (Part 2)
Weirdly echoing what I’d already said Dallas whispered so no one else could hear, “She only gets away with it because stupid people fall for it.”
“And that’s what I told Mitch, Mickey, and Trudeau. Mickey gets it. Mitch might with time, or as soon as his PO is notched back. Trudeau will get it if for no other reason than self-preservation … or will if Mickey explains it right. I just don’t get why so many are falling for it on her side.”
He shrugged. “Because there are always going to be more followers than leaders. And some followers need a leader so bad they don’t care who it is, it just has to be someone, and Trainee Johnson is convenient. Now help get these bushes from hell finished. The Chief keeps looking at his watch like we should be moving faster.”
Starting that day and for the next several big group sessions we made more “rose hip” stuff than I imagined was possible. Rose Hip Jelly, Rose Hip Tea, Rose Hip Marmalade, Rose Hip Juice, Candied Rose Hips, Dried Rose Hips, Rose Hip Catsup, Rose Hip Chutney – what the heck is chutney anyway – Rose Hip Vinegar, Rose Hip Leather – you eat it you don’t wear it; and the last two are my favorite – Rose Hip Soda and Rose Hip Candy Spread. During a couple of our short, day-hikes with Chief Jackson I found some more clumps of thorned bushes with hips clinging to them and tried to figure out a way to collect them without anyone noticing. Instead, Chief Jackson had us make draw-string pouches out of this cheesecloth like material and had us collect a supply of hips to put into our BOB for emergency rations that we’d rotate out for new rations at some point. Lincoln and Markham acted like that was something they hadn’t done up to that point and I wondered if I should think about what it could mean; unfortunately, there simply wasn’t time with everything else I was using my brain for.
The other things we learned about in January were onion grass, wild garlic, a wild green called bittercress (yes, it tastes exactly as it sounds), honey locust pods, dandelion root, and the biggie was turkey tail mushroom that was fixed more ways than we had the rose hips. Most of what we gathered out in the woods went to the Dining Hall and got served right alongside the domesticated foods put out for our consumption. Everyone was expected to eat a small portion … even the kids. Or maybe I should say especially the kids. Picky eaters were not tolerated. Chief Delray and Nurse Gilroy brought out the heavy-duty brooms when some kid became what they considered a problem. Trudeau in particular got the wrong kind of attention because his kid was turning contrary enough to be a distraction. Glad I am that Bam-Bam was too young to get me in hot water like that.
Academics rolled along and Study Hall in the Lounge outside Chief Jackson’s office became a regular part of our crew’s schedule. The guys were doing better but lacked the confidence to do things on their own, like tackle new math levels. Once they got it – and it didn’t take much for them to get it – there wasn’t a problem, it was just that initial leap. Jan and Jen were a different kettle of fish. I caught them multiple times hiding how smart they were … or at least that they’d covered the stuff in the lessons at some point in the past whereas the guys had not. I finally got fed up with it and called them on it.
“So, is it that you think the guys are too stupid to catch on to what you’re doing or is it me that you think is that stupid?”
“Huh?” they asked in unison.
“Fine. Be that way. But just so you know, when the guys figure it out … when, not if … their egos are going to get bruised.”
Finally giving it up Jan said, “That’s what we are trying to prevent.”
“Well you’re going about it the wrong way. Do they play stupid just because they’ve had more field experience than you? Or at least more than you admit to?”
Jen looked around and then asked me to go with them over to a shaded area. “Don’t say things like that so loud.”
I shook my head not taking the bait. “Forget it. You know and I know we are all under observation 24/7 from Big Brother.”
“It’s not the Staff we’re worried about. They already know where we come from. It’s certain people here.” She sighed. “In particular, we don’t want Johnson and her crew to be in the know.”
Thinking about it I asked, “Did you pick her to try and convince me to lay off or is that the truth.”
“You are such a minnow. There are things going on you don’t know and can’t understand.”
“Things I don’t know? Of course, I’m not omniscient and don’t want to be. Can’t understand? Probably only because I don’t have all the facts.” I shrugged. “I don’t want your secrets and don’t need them to consider you a friend. But if you want to keep those of us who call you friends, at least be honest about what you can be honest about.”
“You aren’t going to pester us to tell you?”
“Do you pester me for all the dirty facts of my life story?”
They looked at each other then at me. Finally Jan said, “We have the same father, different mothers. Our mothers were sisters. And they had another sister that … let’s just say she wasn’t a minnow in a certain militant political group that did a lot of damage during the Green Revolution. We got into a lot of trouble as teens. We got caught. Went to jail. Learned a different kind of reality existed from the one we were raised with. Our mothers’ sister then did something heinous and then tried to have us taken out so we couldn’t give any information. She tried to do the same thing to our father and mothers. The man who was the sperm donor … died. Our mothers … we don’t know where they are, just that they aren’t in this country. We were made an offer … complete this program and get the slate wiped clean from the stupid shit we did before we woke up to real life. Johnson and her bunch could complicate things. We don’t know how much but possibly to hell and back. That group her parents were part of aren’t known for being very forgiving and have a bad habit of eating their young.”
I tried to act like I was listening but not caring too much though it was giving me a lot to think about. “What you say about where Mari comes from fits with my guesses. She’s got some major problems that not even her family wants to deal with … or she’s done something really bad to get her here, but her family has connections to keep her out of jail. Either or, not my business and I don’t want it to become my problem. You didn’t have to tell me what you did but thanks. You can trust me to keep my mouth shut. But it doesn’t change that you need to stop hiding certain things from the guys. Right now they are just too tired and worried about their own situation to catch on. But that’ll change down the road, especially if you want to be more than friends after the four of you graduate.”
“So you don’t care about … where we come from?”
“Do you hold it against me that I don’t know the origin of my genetic material?”
“No.”
“So why should I hold it against you because you do know where your genetic material comes from and it isn’t stellar?”
Jen snorted. “Damn you are an idealist.”
“Nope. Realist. None of us gets to pick our procreators. I like my adoptive parents and I’m proud of them. I have no clue about my womb-renter. There were other options besides the one she chose; drop off programs, she could have claimed to have found me in the bathroom, whatever. Maybe she was just some poor, freaked out kid or woman but she still didn’t have to toss me in the garbage like a used tampon. I may have forgiven what she did, but I can’t forget it because it is one of the things that motivates me to not make the same mistake with Bam-Bam. Same goes for your parents. We’re just making different choices while trying to survive the ones they made.” I stopped to minimize the drama quotient and get back on track. “But seriously … about the guys …”
Jan said, “We’ve already thought about it. The situation is just sticky. And now that you know … look Doe, those people are messy and they don’t care who gets hurt when they have an objective. If we get made … it’s even more important you watch your back. Got it?”
“Got it.”
They didn’t exactly change their tactics but little by little I did see that they didn’t try so hard to completely hide certain things. I was to find out some time later that the guys knew. As in they’d been told by certain parties about Jan and Jen’s past. As in Jan and Jen were being looked after by those same certain parties and that Jan, Jen, and the guys weren’t just accidentally thrown together here at The Farm. But that came out later when I was finally forced to care about a much bigger picture than I had even considered there might be.
Weirdly echoing what I’d already said Dallas whispered so no one else could hear, “She only gets away with it because stupid people fall for it.”
“And that’s what I told Mitch, Mickey, and Trudeau. Mickey gets it. Mitch might with time, or as soon as his PO is notched back. Trudeau will get it if for no other reason than self-preservation … or will if Mickey explains it right. I just don’t get why so many are falling for it on her side.”
He shrugged. “Because there are always going to be more followers than leaders. And some followers need a leader so bad they don’t care who it is, it just has to be someone, and Trainee Johnson is convenient. Now help get these bushes from hell finished. The Chief keeps looking at his watch like we should be moving faster.”
Starting that day and for the next several big group sessions we made more “rose hip” stuff than I imagined was possible. Rose Hip Jelly, Rose Hip Tea, Rose Hip Marmalade, Rose Hip Juice, Candied Rose Hips, Dried Rose Hips, Rose Hip Catsup, Rose Hip Chutney – what the heck is chutney anyway – Rose Hip Vinegar, Rose Hip Leather – you eat it you don’t wear it; and the last two are my favorite – Rose Hip Soda and Rose Hip Candy Spread. During a couple of our short, day-hikes with Chief Jackson I found some more clumps of thorned bushes with hips clinging to them and tried to figure out a way to collect them without anyone noticing. Instead, Chief Jackson had us make draw-string pouches out of this cheesecloth like material and had us collect a supply of hips to put into our BOB for emergency rations that we’d rotate out for new rations at some point. Lincoln and Markham acted like that was something they hadn’t done up to that point and I wondered if I should think about what it could mean; unfortunately, there simply wasn’t time with everything else I was using my brain for.
The other things we learned about in January were onion grass, wild garlic, a wild green called bittercress (yes, it tastes exactly as it sounds), honey locust pods, dandelion root, and the biggie was turkey tail mushroom that was fixed more ways than we had the rose hips. Most of what we gathered out in the woods went to the Dining Hall and got served right alongside the domesticated foods put out for our consumption. Everyone was expected to eat a small portion … even the kids. Or maybe I should say especially the kids. Picky eaters were not tolerated. Chief Delray and Nurse Gilroy brought out the heavy-duty brooms when some kid became what they considered a problem. Trudeau in particular got the wrong kind of attention because his kid was turning contrary enough to be a distraction. Glad I am that Bam-Bam was too young to get me in hot water like that.
Academics rolled along and Study Hall in the Lounge outside Chief Jackson’s office became a regular part of our crew’s schedule. The guys were doing better but lacked the confidence to do things on their own, like tackle new math levels. Once they got it – and it didn’t take much for them to get it – there wasn’t a problem, it was just that initial leap. Jan and Jen were a different kettle of fish. I caught them multiple times hiding how smart they were … or at least that they’d covered the stuff in the lessons at some point in the past whereas the guys had not. I finally got fed up with it and called them on it.
“So, is it that you think the guys are too stupid to catch on to what you’re doing or is it me that you think is that stupid?”
“Huh?” they asked in unison.
“Fine. Be that way. But just so you know, when the guys figure it out … when, not if … their egos are going to get bruised.”
Finally giving it up Jan said, “That’s what we are trying to prevent.”
“Well you’re going about it the wrong way. Do they play stupid just because they’ve had more field experience than you? Or at least more than you admit to?”
Jen looked around and then asked me to go with them over to a shaded area. “Don’t say things like that so loud.”
I shook my head not taking the bait. “Forget it. You know and I know we are all under observation 24/7 from Big Brother.”
“It’s not the Staff we’re worried about. They already know where we come from. It’s certain people here.” She sighed. “In particular, we don’t want Johnson and her crew to be in the know.”
Thinking about it I asked, “Did you pick her to try and convince me to lay off or is that the truth.”
“You are such a minnow. There are things going on you don’t know and can’t understand.”
“Things I don’t know? Of course, I’m not omniscient and don’t want to be. Can’t understand? Probably only because I don’t have all the facts.” I shrugged. “I don’t want your secrets and don’t need them to consider you a friend. But if you want to keep those of us who call you friends, at least be honest about what you can be honest about.”
“You aren’t going to pester us to tell you?”
“Do you pester me for all the dirty facts of my life story?”
They looked at each other then at me. Finally Jan said, “We have the same father, different mothers. Our mothers were sisters. And they had another sister that … let’s just say she wasn’t a minnow in a certain militant political group that did a lot of damage during the Green Revolution. We got into a lot of trouble as teens. We got caught. Went to jail. Learned a different kind of reality existed from the one we were raised with. Our mothers’ sister then did something heinous and then tried to have us taken out so we couldn’t give any information. She tried to do the same thing to our father and mothers. The man who was the sperm donor … died. Our mothers … we don’t know where they are, just that they aren’t in this country. We were made an offer … complete this program and get the slate wiped clean from the stupid shit we did before we woke up to real life. Johnson and her bunch could complicate things. We don’t know how much but possibly to hell and back. That group her parents were part of aren’t known for being very forgiving and have a bad habit of eating their young.”
I tried to act like I was listening but not caring too much though it was giving me a lot to think about. “What you say about where Mari comes from fits with my guesses. She’s got some major problems that not even her family wants to deal with … or she’s done something really bad to get her here, but her family has connections to keep her out of jail. Either or, not my business and I don’t want it to become my problem. You didn’t have to tell me what you did but thanks. You can trust me to keep my mouth shut. But it doesn’t change that you need to stop hiding certain things from the guys. Right now they are just too tired and worried about their own situation to catch on. But that’ll change down the road, especially if you want to be more than friends after the four of you graduate.”
“So you don’t care about … where we come from?”
“Do you hold it against me that I don’t know the origin of my genetic material?”
“No.”
“So why should I hold it against you because you do know where your genetic material comes from and it isn’t stellar?”
Jen snorted. “Damn you are an idealist.”
“Nope. Realist. None of us gets to pick our procreators. I like my adoptive parents and I’m proud of them. I have no clue about my womb-renter. There were other options besides the one she chose; drop off programs, she could have claimed to have found me in the bathroom, whatever. Maybe she was just some poor, freaked out kid or woman but she still didn’t have to toss me in the garbage like a used tampon. I may have forgiven what she did, but I can’t forget it because it is one of the things that motivates me to not make the same mistake with Bam-Bam. Same goes for your parents. We’re just making different choices while trying to survive the ones they made.” I stopped to minimize the drama quotient and get back on track. “But seriously … about the guys …”
Jan said, “We’ve already thought about it. The situation is just sticky. And now that you know … look Doe, those people are messy and they don’t care who gets hurt when they have an objective. If we get made … it’s even more important you watch your back. Got it?”
“Got it.”
They didn’t exactly change their tactics but little by little I did see that they didn’t try so hard to completely hide certain things. I was to find out some time later that the guys knew. As in they’d been told by certain parties about Jan and Jen’s past. As in Jan and Jen were being looked after by those same certain parties and that Jan, Jen, and the guys weren’t just accidentally thrown together here at The Farm. But that came out later when I was finally forced to care about a much bigger picture than I had even considered there might be.
CHAPTER 24 - 1
The end of January and beginning of February gave me more to think about in terms of what I could do when I left The Farm. It also gave me some idea of how they tried to teach trainees more responsibility and accountability, starting with the financial side of life.
Financially I was a little ahead of things because I’d been doing re-fashions for Chief Lark to put in the thrift store in town. It wasn’t a pile of credits, but it was more than I expected after The Farm took its cut. When I received my first “Statement of Benefits” however it wasn’t just about that part of it, but all of it. The first thing I noticed, because of all the numbers before the decimal point, was the Medicare/Medicaid part which took care of our medical expenses. I winced reading what that little fiasco with the tainted water had cost, but I was relieved that I wasn’t being charged for it. My co-pay portion was covered by The Farm but it was no skin off my nose for them to get reimbursed for the actual medical stuff used like the detox meds and all of the IV and crap. There was a section on the cost for room and board that, because I’d passed all of the inspections, was marked zero by The Farm administration. After seeing that one I pulled Lincoln and Markham aside and asked them quietly if I’d missed something in the Intro sessions. They explained that a lot of trainees were surprised that they got charged for failed inspections and damage they or their kids did. It was news to me too, but it made sense when you thought about it; it was like incentive not to wreck the place up. Trudeau really tried to throw a hissy about it when he got his monthly sheet; however, it was one of the few times I heard Chief Delray tell him to get over himself and deal. She didn’t use those words but that’s what she was saying.
Other parts of the cost of our room and board and training were offset by our academic grades and performance in whatever track we were assigned. Another type of incentive I guess. I hadn’t realized I was being charged for downloads in the library but that was okay because I still managed to stay ahead by completing all my homework on time and correctly, I just got pickier rather than downloading just because I could.
I did get charged for the materials that I’d been “given” for Bam-Bam but I wasn’t in the hole because I’d earned plenty of credits by selling stuff in the thrift store. Since I hadn’t needed new boots I didn’t have that cost. I heard a lot of trainees complaining about the costs of their uniform pieces but hey, nothing in life is free and they were pretty much laughed off by the second and third semester trainees for thinking they were there on a free ride. It was also explained that if we turned in our uniforms and they were in good condition then we would be credited for it … which of course would then go back out for our next set of uniforms.
Then there was the part that covered my social security survivor’s benefits and low and behold the monthly stipend I normally got from the Trust was there as well. I saw a percentage was being taken out as a servicing fee and that the rest was being held for me in a special account that I technically didn’t have access to, but which would be turned over to me when I graduated or washed out.
I had a guidance session with Chief Jackson and found out, “McCormick, it is pretty damn unusual for a newb like you to have credits banked against future expenditures. I wouldn’t just take this for granted or waste it.”
“But what about things for my BOB? The others already have all of this different stuff that they use when we are on hikes.”
“It isn’t a problem right now and you’ll get opportunities to earn pieces for your pack. If I were you, I’d bank everything that I can. Every graduating trainee gets enough for one month’s rent where they are being assigned while their employer is supposed to pay one month’s rent and a security deposit, assuming room and board isn’t part of their package. That gives a graduate two months grace to start saving a nest egg against future expenses. That’s IF they’ve managed to zero out any debts they incur and the closer to graduation you get the more opportunities like that are offered. A few more than I like to see, especially over the last year when that part has been allowed to slip because of the ‘kinder monitoring’ being done by certain parties.” I wanted to ask who, but he continued. “You, on the other hand, can walk out of here with more if you play your cards right and that’s not including your existing benefits, although it is my understanding that most of that ends when you turn eighteen this summer. It won’t be a whole lot more, but something is better than nothing. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
Giving a quick thought to his words I asked, “Am I that type of opportunity for Lincoln and Markham?”
He got a crafty look on his face before saying, “There’s that brain that peeks out from under all that hair on occasion. But don’t hold it against them. That’s just how things work here on The Farm.”
“No Sir. It just explains some things. They’ve been … nice I guess you’d call it … when they didn’t have to be. It’s okay that they are earning a paycheck on me … same thing that teachers do in the real world. I just wanted to make sure I was reading the sitch correct to keep things in perspective. I knew there was something going on, this explains it. Have they gotten new placements yet?”
“Just came in last night,” he said nodding. “There is a selective tree harvest business out west looking for some entry level players that aren’t too green in their politics and don’t mind working off-union. They took both of them so they’ll be able to share expenses. But it is an area that doesn’t have a whole lot of services otherwise – what is being called primitive – so their survival training should come in handy. Why? You worried about ‘em?”
“Kinda. In a way. I knew things would eventually work out, but I was just hoping they wouldn’t work out with them having to go mop floors and cleaning toilets. They’re worth more than that.”
He nodded. “Yes they are. Now scoot, I’ve got paperwork. You need to go see Chief Lark and then do whatever it is you need to do for Chief Haygood.”
I was almost out the door when he stopped me and I could tell he wasn’t just fooling when he looked uncomfortable. “How’s Trahern doing?”
“Chay? Fine as far as I know … better than he was when we first arrived that’s for sure. Why? Should I be looking for something in particular?”
He motioned me to come sit back down. “He said anything to you about his family?”
“Which ones? His bio folks, no. His ex in-laws, just that his ex-MIL is who started the crap that made everyone find out that his kid wasn’t his kid. But he hasn’t bad mouthed them or anything.”
He steepled his fingers. “Well between you and me, those ex’s of his aren’t too happy that the ex-wife lost access to his military bennies when he got sent here to The Farm.”
“Uh … not that it is any of my business but if she’s his ex-wife, and the kid wound up not being his, how come she was still getting bennies after they pulled the plug on the marriage?”
“That’s an interesting question that the ex’s don’t want to answer. The problem was that Trahern was in no position to legally act on his own behalf and apparently his … er …”
“I had a guardian ad litem Chief. They’re mostly good people just trying to help … even if it is court ordered. But I’ve heard stories that some of them act only for their own benefit and take advantage of their charges.”
Chief Jackson cleared his throat. “The situation is a little stickier than that. Somehow some idiot clearing paperwork during Trahern’s terminal leave left the ex-wife as his legal rep. When admin here at The Farm found out they immediately stripped her rights and bennies. Trahern acts like he doesn’t give a damn one way or the other, said he didn’t know she was still getting bennies off him but that he isn’t going to bitch about it just so long as none of them can stop him from moving forward and regaining his autonomy.”
“Let me guess, the rest of it was he wanted to know if it was going to hurt the kid.”
“Not that you’re wrong but how do you figure that?”
“Because of the way he is with Bam-Bam. He’s mostly my friend for two reasons … Bam-Bam and because I got put with them and he and the other guys are pure sheep dogs and it makes them feel good to think of me as the lamb they get to herd around. So, if he’d be friends with ‘the minnow’ like they call me, when under any other circumstances he probably wouldn’t even know I exist, I figure he’s likely still got feelings for the little boy even though things got nasty.”
“Well that’s part of it. Part of it he is still sympathetic with his ex, blaming her parents for their problems and the rest of it.”
“Ew. He’s still in love with her?”
He chuckled. “Stop showing your age and gender Squirt. No. He’s not in love with her, but he doesn’t hate her either despite how things went. He doesn’t even hate the ex in-laws.”
Relieved I asked, “Well, less baggage for him to carry around so what’s the problem?”
“Because regardless of his feelings, they apparently are getting a hate on for him. Those bennies were worth big bucks and it looks like they’d gotten dependent on them.”
“Uh … how … er …? Geez and how do you know that? I get the Big Brother stuff here but that’s a little above and beyond.”
“When the Judge and his crew do a thing, they do it right. Especially when it comes to legal things.”
“And? I’m still not seeing why you are asking but not asking for me to spy on Chay about this.”
He snorted. “I don’t need you to spy on him. Just keep an eye out … or listen if he actually talks about it. What you do with that is up to you. That said, the ex’s are sending a lawyer up here to see if there is a way to have him removed from The Farm and put back under the ex’s thumbs.”
My feelings went from uncomfortable to angry real fast. “Oh no way. Uh uh. That’s not happening.”
“Seem a little pissed off there all of a sudden.”
“It’s one thing for them to gripe and run their mouths. Free speech and all that. It’s another to set the dogs after Chay. I mean life isn’t fair and junk but that’s on the other side of that. You all have a plan? What part can I play?”
“What if I said that Trainee Johnson may use their visit as an opportunity to sow some discontent?”
That stopped me all of two seconds. “Then it sounds like it is time for Trainee Johnson to either get dumped down the latrines or get lost in the woods until her attitude is adjusted to something closer to the rest of the human race.”
“Hmm. It may not come to that, just do nothing to antagonize her.”
“You mean I am supposed to stop breathing and move to the dark side of the moon?”
He chuckled. “Not quite that much nothing. Just avoid getting caught up in anything. She’s got quite a following.”
“Can I ask something Chief?” When he nodded I asked, “How come that is allowed? If you know about it and you know it is going to create problems, then why?”
“Because we run Constitutionally compliant. While one … or more … of the Staff and Admin may not agree with her brand of politics and style of expressing herself, this is still a representative democracy regardless of the last decade’s shift. The Bill of Rights still trumps personal opinion. And, we aren’t the friggin’ thought police and people are allowed to utilize their First Amendment so long as it doesn’t endanger other trainees.”
“And how would pulling some crap like you are talking about not endanger Chay?”
“Because we are talking hypothetical actions and not something that has actually happened. We aren’t for sure she is going to act and we can’t discipline someone before they take action. This isn’t the Minority Report; it isn’t a crime to only think about breaking the rules. We can, on the other hand, cautiously monitor someone that seems hellbent on finding any opportunity to cause both specific problems and general mayhem here at The Farm.”
There was that feeling again, the one saying there was a bigger picture to what was going on. I opened my mouth then closed it but the Chief had noticed.
“You have something to say?”
“No. Yes. Uh …”
“Spit it out.”
“There’s things going on I don’t know.”
“Always are,” he agreed.
“Yes Sir but … but it feels … look I know about Jan and Jen. That’s all I’m gonna say on that subject. Then there was the thing with the tainted water and all I’m not supposed to know about it. And now it seems that Mari Johnson might have some agenda that might or might not be small potatoes. I’m not asking to know any more than what I already do. But …”
“But?”
“I … and I understand if you can’t or won’t tell me … but … but are those three threads related? Do they weave together with other things I don’t know?”
“And if I say maybe?”
“Then that’s your answer and I start figuring out how to do my time here on The Farm without being used as a weapon against it.”
I’d surprised him with my answer. “Why do you say that?”
“People see me and see a weak link. Mari hasn’t liked me since before I stepped foot on the Mover in Florida. Don’t know why. It’s probably just one of those cosmic quirks of fate that are supposed to teach us lessons of some sort. But it would be easy for Mari … or someone else … to try and make it be that there is more to me being ‘The Minnow’ than there actually is. And the guys and Jan and Jen all seem to need to play whatever it is they imagine they are for and to me. But in doing so they might be putting themselves in some kind of … I don’t know … danger or something. I don’t want to change how I am with them. I … I like having friends. I haven’t had very many and I’d hate to lose them over something stupid. But if it means not …”
“McCormick, stop that train of thought. I understand what you are offering whether others do or not. But here’s something for you to think about. Compromise is a necessary skill to have in this life, compromise taken too far is appeasement. Appeasement only becomes an excuse for the other party to think you are weak and continue to take advantage of you. You need to learn when to stand your ground, when to show your strength.”
I slowly nodded and said, “Yes Sir. But when you’ve spent the majority of your life using appeasement as a way not to get stepped on, not doing that anymore is … can be … it can be … hard. It’s an easy tactic that people fall for because people are just like that … they believe what they want to believe. It’s been my camouflage … for a long time, longer than I can even remember.”
He nodded. “Agreed. Just … put the other from your mind for now. It isn’t your job to do more than watch your own p’s and q’s, do your assigned work to the best of your ability, and … assuming the opportunity presents itself … help your fellow crew members reach their full potential. Understand.”
“Yes Sir. The same as they’d do for me.”
He heard the double meaning to my words but didn’t do anything but nod before motioning that it was time for me to leave the office.
The end of January and beginning of February gave me more to think about in terms of what I could do when I left The Farm. It also gave me some idea of how they tried to teach trainees more responsibility and accountability, starting with the financial side of life.
Financially I was a little ahead of things because I’d been doing re-fashions for Chief Lark to put in the thrift store in town. It wasn’t a pile of credits, but it was more than I expected after The Farm took its cut. When I received my first “Statement of Benefits” however it wasn’t just about that part of it, but all of it. The first thing I noticed, because of all the numbers before the decimal point, was the Medicare/Medicaid part which took care of our medical expenses. I winced reading what that little fiasco with the tainted water had cost, but I was relieved that I wasn’t being charged for it. My co-pay portion was covered by The Farm but it was no skin off my nose for them to get reimbursed for the actual medical stuff used like the detox meds and all of the IV and crap. There was a section on the cost for room and board that, because I’d passed all of the inspections, was marked zero by The Farm administration. After seeing that one I pulled Lincoln and Markham aside and asked them quietly if I’d missed something in the Intro sessions. They explained that a lot of trainees were surprised that they got charged for failed inspections and damage they or their kids did. It was news to me too, but it made sense when you thought about it; it was like incentive not to wreck the place up. Trudeau really tried to throw a hissy about it when he got his monthly sheet; however, it was one of the few times I heard Chief Delray tell him to get over himself and deal. She didn’t use those words but that’s what she was saying.
Other parts of the cost of our room and board and training were offset by our academic grades and performance in whatever track we were assigned. Another type of incentive I guess. I hadn’t realized I was being charged for downloads in the library but that was okay because I still managed to stay ahead by completing all my homework on time and correctly, I just got pickier rather than downloading just because I could.
I did get charged for the materials that I’d been “given” for Bam-Bam but I wasn’t in the hole because I’d earned plenty of credits by selling stuff in the thrift store. Since I hadn’t needed new boots I didn’t have that cost. I heard a lot of trainees complaining about the costs of their uniform pieces but hey, nothing in life is free and they were pretty much laughed off by the second and third semester trainees for thinking they were there on a free ride. It was also explained that if we turned in our uniforms and they were in good condition then we would be credited for it … which of course would then go back out for our next set of uniforms.
Then there was the part that covered my social security survivor’s benefits and low and behold the monthly stipend I normally got from the Trust was there as well. I saw a percentage was being taken out as a servicing fee and that the rest was being held for me in a special account that I technically didn’t have access to, but which would be turned over to me when I graduated or washed out.
I had a guidance session with Chief Jackson and found out, “McCormick, it is pretty damn unusual for a newb like you to have credits banked against future expenditures. I wouldn’t just take this for granted or waste it.”
“But what about things for my BOB? The others already have all of this different stuff that they use when we are on hikes.”
“It isn’t a problem right now and you’ll get opportunities to earn pieces for your pack. If I were you, I’d bank everything that I can. Every graduating trainee gets enough for one month’s rent where they are being assigned while their employer is supposed to pay one month’s rent and a security deposit, assuming room and board isn’t part of their package. That gives a graduate two months grace to start saving a nest egg against future expenses. That’s IF they’ve managed to zero out any debts they incur and the closer to graduation you get the more opportunities like that are offered. A few more than I like to see, especially over the last year when that part has been allowed to slip because of the ‘kinder monitoring’ being done by certain parties.” I wanted to ask who, but he continued. “You, on the other hand, can walk out of here with more if you play your cards right and that’s not including your existing benefits, although it is my understanding that most of that ends when you turn eighteen this summer. It won’t be a whole lot more, but something is better than nothing. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
Giving a quick thought to his words I asked, “Am I that type of opportunity for Lincoln and Markham?”
He got a crafty look on his face before saying, “There’s that brain that peeks out from under all that hair on occasion. But don’t hold it against them. That’s just how things work here on The Farm.”
“No Sir. It just explains some things. They’ve been … nice I guess you’d call it … when they didn’t have to be. It’s okay that they are earning a paycheck on me … same thing that teachers do in the real world. I just wanted to make sure I was reading the sitch correct to keep things in perspective. I knew there was something going on, this explains it. Have they gotten new placements yet?”
“Just came in last night,” he said nodding. “There is a selective tree harvest business out west looking for some entry level players that aren’t too green in their politics and don’t mind working off-union. They took both of them so they’ll be able to share expenses. But it is an area that doesn’t have a whole lot of services otherwise – what is being called primitive – so their survival training should come in handy. Why? You worried about ‘em?”
“Kinda. In a way. I knew things would eventually work out, but I was just hoping they wouldn’t work out with them having to go mop floors and cleaning toilets. They’re worth more than that.”
He nodded. “Yes they are. Now scoot, I’ve got paperwork. You need to go see Chief Lark and then do whatever it is you need to do for Chief Haygood.”
I was almost out the door when he stopped me and I could tell he wasn’t just fooling when he looked uncomfortable. “How’s Trahern doing?”
“Chay? Fine as far as I know … better than he was when we first arrived that’s for sure. Why? Should I be looking for something in particular?”
He motioned me to come sit back down. “He said anything to you about his family?”
“Which ones? His bio folks, no. His ex in-laws, just that his ex-MIL is who started the crap that made everyone find out that his kid wasn’t his kid. But he hasn’t bad mouthed them or anything.”
He steepled his fingers. “Well between you and me, those ex’s of his aren’t too happy that the ex-wife lost access to his military bennies when he got sent here to The Farm.”
“Uh … not that it is any of my business but if she’s his ex-wife, and the kid wound up not being his, how come she was still getting bennies after they pulled the plug on the marriage?”
“That’s an interesting question that the ex’s don’t want to answer. The problem was that Trahern was in no position to legally act on his own behalf and apparently his … er …”
“I had a guardian ad litem Chief. They’re mostly good people just trying to help … even if it is court ordered. But I’ve heard stories that some of them act only for their own benefit and take advantage of their charges.”
Chief Jackson cleared his throat. “The situation is a little stickier than that. Somehow some idiot clearing paperwork during Trahern’s terminal leave left the ex-wife as his legal rep. When admin here at The Farm found out they immediately stripped her rights and bennies. Trahern acts like he doesn’t give a damn one way or the other, said he didn’t know she was still getting bennies off him but that he isn’t going to bitch about it just so long as none of them can stop him from moving forward and regaining his autonomy.”
“Let me guess, the rest of it was he wanted to know if it was going to hurt the kid.”
“Not that you’re wrong but how do you figure that?”
“Because of the way he is with Bam-Bam. He’s mostly my friend for two reasons … Bam-Bam and because I got put with them and he and the other guys are pure sheep dogs and it makes them feel good to think of me as the lamb they get to herd around. So, if he’d be friends with ‘the minnow’ like they call me, when under any other circumstances he probably wouldn’t even know I exist, I figure he’s likely still got feelings for the little boy even though things got nasty.”
“Well that’s part of it. Part of it he is still sympathetic with his ex, blaming her parents for their problems and the rest of it.”
“Ew. He’s still in love with her?”
He chuckled. “Stop showing your age and gender Squirt. No. He’s not in love with her, but he doesn’t hate her either despite how things went. He doesn’t even hate the ex in-laws.”
Relieved I asked, “Well, less baggage for him to carry around so what’s the problem?”
“Because regardless of his feelings, they apparently are getting a hate on for him. Those bennies were worth big bucks and it looks like they’d gotten dependent on them.”
“Uh … how … er …? Geez and how do you know that? I get the Big Brother stuff here but that’s a little above and beyond.”
“When the Judge and his crew do a thing, they do it right. Especially when it comes to legal things.”
“And? I’m still not seeing why you are asking but not asking for me to spy on Chay about this.”
He snorted. “I don’t need you to spy on him. Just keep an eye out … or listen if he actually talks about it. What you do with that is up to you. That said, the ex’s are sending a lawyer up here to see if there is a way to have him removed from The Farm and put back under the ex’s thumbs.”
My feelings went from uncomfortable to angry real fast. “Oh no way. Uh uh. That’s not happening.”
“Seem a little pissed off there all of a sudden.”
“It’s one thing for them to gripe and run their mouths. Free speech and all that. It’s another to set the dogs after Chay. I mean life isn’t fair and junk but that’s on the other side of that. You all have a plan? What part can I play?”
“What if I said that Trainee Johnson may use their visit as an opportunity to sow some discontent?”
That stopped me all of two seconds. “Then it sounds like it is time for Trainee Johnson to either get dumped down the latrines or get lost in the woods until her attitude is adjusted to something closer to the rest of the human race.”
“Hmm. It may not come to that, just do nothing to antagonize her.”
“You mean I am supposed to stop breathing and move to the dark side of the moon?”
He chuckled. “Not quite that much nothing. Just avoid getting caught up in anything. She’s got quite a following.”
“Can I ask something Chief?” When he nodded I asked, “How come that is allowed? If you know about it and you know it is going to create problems, then why?”
“Because we run Constitutionally compliant. While one … or more … of the Staff and Admin may not agree with her brand of politics and style of expressing herself, this is still a representative democracy regardless of the last decade’s shift. The Bill of Rights still trumps personal opinion. And, we aren’t the friggin’ thought police and people are allowed to utilize their First Amendment so long as it doesn’t endanger other trainees.”
“And how would pulling some crap like you are talking about not endanger Chay?”
“Because we are talking hypothetical actions and not something that has actually happened. We aren’t for sure she is going to act and we can’t discipline someone before they take action. This isn’t the Minority Report; it isn’t a crime to only think about breaking the rules. We can, on the other hand, cautiously monitor someone that seems hellbent on finding any opportunity to cause both specific problems and general mayhem here at The Farm.”
There was that feeling again, the one saying there was a bigger picture to what was going on. I opened my mouth then closed it but the Chief had noticed.
“You have something to say?”
“No. Yes. Uh …”
“Spit it out.”
“There’s things going on I don’t know.”
“Always are,” he agreed.
“Yes Sir but … but it feels … look I know about Jan and Jen. That’s all I’m gonna say on that subject. Then there was the thing with the tainted water and all I’m not supposed to know about it. And now it seems that Mari Johnson might have some agenda that might or might not be small potatoes. I’m not asking to know any more than what I already do. But …”
“But?”
“I … and I understand if you can’t or won’t tell me … but … but are those three threads related? Do they weave together with other things I don’t know?”
“And if I say maybe?”
“Then that’s your answer and I start figuring out how to do my time here on The Farm without being used as a weapon against it.”
I’d surprised him with my answer. “Why do you say that?”
“People see me and see a weak link. Mari hasn’t liked me since before I stepped foot on the Mover in Florida. Don’t know why. It’s probably just one of those cosmic quirks of fate that are supposed to teach us lessons of some sort. But it would be easy for Mari … or someone else … to try and make it be that there is more to me being ‘The Minnow’ than there actually is. And the guys and Jan and Jen all seem to need to play whatever it is they imagine they are for and to me. But in doing so they might be putting themselves in some kind of … I don’t know … danger or something. I don’t want to change how I am with them. I … I like having friends. I haven’t had very many and I’d hate to lose them over something stupid. But if it means not …”
“McCormick, stop that train of thought. I understand what you are offering whether others do or not. But here’s something for you to think about. Compromise is a necessary skill to have in this life, compromise taken too far is appeasement. Appeasement only becomes an excuse for the other party to think you are weak and continue to take advantage of you. You need to learn when to stand your ground, when to show your strength.”
I slowly nodded and said, “Yes Sir. But when you’ve spent the majority of your life using appeasement as a way not to get stepped on, not doing that anymore is … can be … it can be … hard. It’s an easy tactic that people fall for because people are just like that … they believe what they want to believe. It’s been my camouflage … for a long time, longer than I can even remember.”
He nodded. “Agreed. Just … put the other from your mind for now. It isn’t your job to do more than watch your own p’s and q’s, do your assigned work to the best of your ability, and … assuming the opportunity presents itself … help your fellow crew members reach their full potential. Understand.”
“Yes Sir. The same as they’d do for me.”
He heard the double meaning to my words but didn’t do anything but nod before motioning that it was time for me to leave the office.
Chapter 24 - 2
I tell you, between one thing and another, I was getting way more educated than I had expected; and in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I was being forced to see the world around me differently than I had ever looked at it. At night I worried at it. Part of it was worrying for my new friends. But another, more selfish part, was worrying how all of this affected me and Bam-Bam. It was one thing to imagine the world to be a dangerous place. It was another to know how dangerous it could be and been a victim of it once. But it was something else altogether to think that there might not be a way to avoid the danger and keep me and Bam-Bam out of it. I couldn’t just do things all willy-nilly as the mood suit me, I had a kid to think of and he came … comes … first.
But I’m not the type of person to worry 24/7/365. If I was, I would have taken a dirt nap a long time ago. Not to mention that the days were always too full of other things we were having to learn to make the grade.
The plants in February were pretty much the same ones we learned about in January, just more in-depth like the nutritional values and things like that. Chief Jackson also took our smaller crew into the woods plenty and would turn us loose, within reason, to gather what we could and then figure out what we were going to do with it. Those meals were what my Mom used to call chaos on skates. We never had a plan, we just did what we could with what we found.
One time I made a big pot of field garlic and wild mushroom soup to go with the pita sandwiches we’d brought with us. Another time I taught them to make mushroom burgers like my mother had made. They would have been better with gravy but they went well with the cheese and flatbread we had that day. Cooper taught us to drink pine needle tea which I thought was pretty gross unless it was doctored with honey and even then it could make me shudder if it was too bitter. Supposedly the stuff is high in vitamins C, A, and the Bs and other stuff that boosts your immune system. Ugh. But on a cold day it helped raise my core temperature when an unexpected icy rain caught us while we were out.
Chay taught me to chew a birch twig to get to the sweet sap. He said his brother had taught him when he was little. And the next week he surprised all of us with a bottle of what he called birch beer. I didn’t think I could have it until they said it wasn’t alcoholic but was sorta like rootbeer … it was a soda anyway. Geez that was so good. Even Chief Jackson liked that one. Food and orienteering weren’t all we were working on however.
We also learned a lot of field and emergency first aid. We even wound up needing it.
Our crew had arrived for morning jujitsu practice but were left standing around when Chief Jackson wasn’t there. I was just this side of getting concerned – Chief Jackson was never late – when he comes running in with another man and it was obvious that something was up.
“Listen up. There’s a group of kids that went out on a dare hike day before yesterday and haven’t come back yet. From what we’ve been told they were dressed warmly but hadn’t taken much food with them because they didn’t plan to be out overnight, so no overnight gear either. We’re sending out Senior Trainee groups to assist with the ground search in case they made it across onto this side of the Ridge. This is Ranger Daniels. Follow him to the staging area that is being set up at the Motor Pool.”
I went to follow but the Ranger asked, “Where do you think you are going?”
“This is my crew.”
“The hell they are. Jackson!”
The Chief got a sour look on his and then shooed the others on but took me to the side. I knew what was coming. It still felt like I’d been slapped. “McCormick …”
“Whatever Chief. What’s my assignment since … just … whatever. Academics or Chief Lark?”
From behind me I heard, “I’ll take her.”
“Thanks.”
He turned and left and I turned and tried not to show what I was feeling to Chief Delray. She surprised me by saying, “Life isn’t fair.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well at least you’re realistic. You’ll get your turn, just not in the deep woods. There are some search teams being formed for searching closer to main campus. I’ll put you on one of those.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I picked up my pack that I’d brought with me so I wouldn’t have to waste time running back to my room between breakfast and big group. I followed Chief Delray and wound up with a group of first and second semester trainees. We were each handed a breakfast bar sort of thing full of nuts, dried fruits, and some kind of seeds and a 2-liter pouch of water. I realized the bar probably had some kind of appetite killer in it, but we’d still need the water. I wasn’t too worried about it as I’d tucked two of the nutrition bars from Nurse Gilroy in a secret pocket I’d sewn into my BOB.
That’s when a civilian walked up and said, “Okay … you … you and you … and you, you, and you … you’re with me. Let’s go.”
Looking around to see who was in the group I saw Mari and three of her closest sycophants. I looked around for Chief Delray but she was busy and I lost my chance for any other help as I was surrounded and being marched along into the bush. I calmed down when I figured out the civilian leading the group wasn’t putting up with anything. Several times Mari was told to stop trying to lead the group and keep them from listening to him, either she did what she was told, or she could be left behind with a buttload of demerits to show for it. The look on Mari’s face was pretty frightening. It was even enough to make the rest of her crew quiet and worried. Then we intersected with another crew of civilians coming from another direction and the leaders of the two groups started jockeying for who was in charge. All of us trainees from The Farm were looked at like we were swamp scummer on the bottom of the boots of the townies. I was used to it and took it in stride, but it must have been a new experience for Mari because she let on that she was confused. Or so that is how I read it at the time.
I knew the area we were hiking through as Chief Jackson had taken us through it multiple times. Then we crossed the stream into an area I wasn’t familiar with but I had a general idea of the direction we were going and it made me think the so-called leaders of the groups didn’t have as much sense as they thought they did. The reason why Chief Jackson had avoided us going into this area is because there had been several bear sightings and the bears had cubs … hungry bears with cubs equal bad ju-ju. Or so said Chief Jackson and I’d yet to see him wrong about that sort of thing.
I tightened Bam-Bam’s sling a little in case I needed to climb a tree fast and kept my eyes peeled for animal scat – specifically piles of bear turds – and trees marked with claw scratches which would indicate we were in a big, furry someone’s territory.
Then a couple of the clods decided The Minnow was an easy target to work out their frustrations on. “What are you so twitchy about?”
I decided honesty was best and told him, “Bears have been sighted in this area.”
“Yeah. Right. And how do you know that?”
“Chief Jackson said …”
“Nutter.”
“Excuse me?”
“Jackson is a nut case. We heard about his crazy survival fetish.” He almost crashed into me because I’d come to an abrupt stop. “What the hell?!”
Trying not to show how scared I suddenly was I answered, “There’s one of them crazy fetish nuts ahead on the trail.”
“What the Sam Hill are you … oh shit.” The last was said in a quiet whisper as a large, female bear came waddling in our direction. She hadn’t caught our scent yet and all I could do was pray that she’d cross over the trail and head downhill … and down wind.
No such luck. She stopped and sniffed the air and then looked in our direction. I don’t know how I knew but I could tell she was cranky and not pleased to spot us. She was also feeling protective of the two cubs coming behind her.
“Up a tree,” I whispered, but no one moved. That’s when Momma bear stands up on her hind legs and I realize that no one in our group or the other one hand a gun. What the heck?! That’s the day I learned that just because someone identifies as a redneck does not automatically mean they are armed to the teeth like the news makes them out to be.
I grabbed Mari who was as transfixed as the others and started pushing her towards a tree. When she tried to hiss at me in anger I said growled, “Unless you are ready to meet Gaia get your butt up a tree. You can admire her handiwork from up high. Move!”
I wouldn’t turn loose and finally got her moving and the rest of us from The Farm broke ranks from the others and grabbed a tree. Some of the townies did the same. Some of them decided to take a stand and make a bunch of noise but what tipped the scale was when some of the crazies screamed like girls and took off at a run into the underbrush. Ye old mother bear thought “food fight!” and charged the slowest one, a young guy that reminded me of someone real close to being a VR addict; he even had helmet dints on his cheeks and the unhealthy pallor my cousin had had right before his school guidance counselor had stepped in.
It only took one swipe to knock his feet from under him and I was sure he was toast but there was a shot and Momma bear stumbled. I’m looking around because I know the gun wasn’t from our groups and then had to do a double take and grab Mari by the hair when she would have climbed down. “You cannot help that bear. Let Gaia decide.”
Yeah, I know, I sounded like a Greenie but when in Rome you speak Italian if you want to be understood and that’s the language that Mari spoke. So maybe it was hypocritical, but I wasn’t above building some equity to keep her off my back. She was caught between her loathing for me and the “truth” that I’d spoken. Either way someone else had taken the decision away from us and another bullet was fired from somewhere putting the bear down permanently.
“Are you happy now?!” Mari screamed at me.
“No. Because now two cubs are going to starve all because some idiots don’t have the sense God gave a rock. You don’t run from things that want to eat you. It makes them think of you as prey.”
Mari wasn’t the only one that was pitching a fit. The townies were as well and were squawking stuff on their walkie talkies. The leaders are yelling and wanting to know who took those shots. Everyone was denying it and things were getting confusing. And that’s when Bam-Bam decides that it is chow time. I just shook my head. Mari looks at us with disgust and then goes to add her two cents in to the argument that was unfolding. Ugh. I hate when stupid turns into a group sport.
I walked over to a girl I recognized as one of the older child and family trainees and told her, “I gotta feed the bottomless pit. I’ll be behind the tree over there.”
“Sure.”
Bam-Bam didn’t care for the ruckus – not that it was doing me any good – and it took a bit for my milk to let down and him to start chowing down. He finally finishes and I realized things had gotten quiet, too quiet. I stuff myself back in and looked around and no one is in sight. What … the … heck. Just what the heck. Teach me to let the zone take me away like that. I wasn’t afraid or anything. Not then. Like I said, if I have a single talent it is that I’m never lost even when I don’t know where I am. Besides, I remembered what trail we’d come on. I was in the middle of deciding whether to stay put or hoof it back when I felt a blinding pain in my head and everything went black.
I tell you, between one thing and another, I was getting way more educated than I had expected; and in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I was being forced to see the world around me differently than I had ever looked at it. At night I worried at it. Part of it was worrying for my new friends. But another, more selfish part, was worrying how all of this affected me and Bam-Bam. It was one thing to imagine the world to be a dangerous place. It was another to know how dangerous it could be and been a victim of it once. But it was something else altogether to think that there might not be a way to avoid the danger and keep me and Bam-Bam out of it. I couldn’t just do things all willy-nilly as the mood suit me, I had a kid to think of and he came … comes … first.
But I’m not the type of person to worry 24/7/365. If I was, I would have taken a dirt nap a long time ago. Not to mention that the days were always too full of other things we were having to learn to make the grade.
The plants in February were pretty much the same ones we learned about in January, just more in-depth like the nutritional values and things like that. Chief Jackson also took our smaller crew into the woods plenty and would turn us loose, within reason, to gather what we could and then figure out what we were going to do with it. Those meals were what my Mom used to call chaos on skates. We never had a plan, we just did what we could with what we found.
One time I made a big pot of field garlic and wild mushroom soup to go with the pita sandwiches we’d brought with us. Another time I taught them to make mushroom burgers like my mother had made. They would have been better with gravy but they went well with the cheese and flatbread we had that day. Cooper taught us to drink pine needle tea which I thought was pretty gross unless it was doctored with honey and even then it could make me shudder if it was too bitter. Supposedly the stuff is high in vitamins C, A, and the Bs and other stuff that boosts your immune system. Ugh. But on a cold day it helped raise my core temperature when an unexpected icy rain caught us while we were out.
Chay taught me to chew a birch twig to get to the sweet sap. He said his brother had taught him when he was little. And the next week he surprised all of us with a bottle of what he called birch beer. I didn’t think I could have it until they said it wasn’t alcoholic but was sorta like rootbeer … it was a soda anyway. Geez that was so good. Even Chief Jackson liked that one. Food and orienteering weren’t all we were working on however.
We also learned a lot of field and emergency first aid. We even wound up needing it.
Our crew had arrived for morning jujitsu practice but were left standing around when Chief Jackson wasn’t there. I was just this side of getting concerned – Chief Jackson was never late – when he comes running in with another man and it was obvious that something was up.
“Listen up. There’s a group of kids that went out on a dare hike day before yesterday and haven’t come back yet. From what we’ve been told they were dressed warmly but hadn’t taken much food with them because they didn’t plan to be out overnight, so no overnight gear either. We’re sending out Senior Trainee groups to assist with the ground search in case they made it across onto this side of the Ridge. This is Ranger Daniels. Follow him to the staging area that is being set up at the Motor Pool.”
I went to follow but the Ranger asked, “Where do you think you are going?”
“This is my crew.”
“The hell they are. Jackson!”
The Chief got a sour look on his and then shooed the others on but took me to the side. I knew what was coming. It still felt like I’d been slapped. “McCormick …”
“Whatever Chief. What’s my assignment since … just … whatever. Academics or Chief Lark?”
From behind me I heard, “I’ll take her.”
“Thanks.”
He turned and left and I turned and tried not to show what I was feeling to Chief Delray. She surprised me by saying, “Life isn’t fair.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well at least you’re realistic. You’ll get your turn, just not in the deep woods. There are some search teams being formed for searching closer to main campus. I’ll put you on one of those.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I picked up my pack that I’d brought with me so I wouldn’t have to waste time running back to my room between breakfast and big group. I followed Chief Delray and wound up with a group of first and second semester trainees. We were each handed a breakfast bar sort of thing full of nuts, dried fruits, and some kind of seeds and a 2-liter pouch of water. I realized the bar probably had some kind of appetite killer in it, but we’d still need the water. I wasn’t too worried about it as I’d tucked two of the nutrition bars from Nurse Gilroy in a secret pocket I’d sewn into my BOB.
That’s when a civilian walked up and said, “Okay … you … you and you … and you, you, and you … you’re with me. Let’s go.”
Looking around to see who was in the group I saw Mari and three of her closest sycophants. I looked around for Chief Delray but she was busy and I lost my chance for any other help as I was surrounded and being marched along into the bush. I calmed down when I figured out the civilian leading the group wasn’t putting up with anything. Several times Mari was told to stop trying to lead the group and keep them from listening to him, either she did what she was told, or she could be left behind with a buttload of demerits to show for it. The look on Mari’s face was pretty frightening. It was even enough to make the rest of her crew quiet and worried. Then we intersected with another crew of civilians coming from another direction and the leaders of the two groups started jockeying for who was in charge. All of us trainees from The Farm were looked at like we were swamp scummer on the bottom of the boots of the townies. I was used to it and took it in stride, but it must have been a new experience for Mari because she let on that she was confused. Or so that is how I read it at the time.
I knew the area we were hiking through as Chief Jackson had taken us through it multiple times. Then we crossed the stream into an area I wasn’t familiar with but I had a general idea of the direction we were going and it made me think the so-called leaders of the groups didn’t have as much sense as they thought they did. The reason why Chief Jackson had avoided us going into this area is because there had been several bear sightings and the bears had cubs … hungry bears with cubs equal bad ju-ju. Or so said Chief Jackson and I’d yet to see him wrong about that sort of thing.
I tightened Bam-Bam’s sling a little in case I needed to climb a tree fast and kept my eyes peeled for animal scat – specifically piles of bear turds – and trees marked with claw scratches which would indicate we were in a big, furry someone’s territory.
Then a couple of the clods decided The Minnow was an easy target to work out their frustrations on. “What are you so twitchy about?”
I decided honesty was best and told him, “Bears have been sighted in this area.”
“Yeah. Right. And how do you know that?”
“Chief Jackson said …”
“Nutter.”
“Excuse me?”
“Jackson is a nut case. We heard about his crazy survival fetish.” He almost crashed into me because I’d come to an abrupt stop. “What the hell?!”
Trying not to show how scared I suddenly was I answered, “There’s one of them crazy fetish nuts ahead on the trail.”
“What the Sam Hill are you … oh shit.” The last was said in a quiet whisper as a large, female bear came waddling in our direction. She hadn’t caught our scent yet and all I could do was pray that she’d cross over the trail and head downhill … and down wind.
No such luck. She stopped and sniffed the air and then looked in our direction. I don’t know how I knew but I could tell she was cranky and not pleased to spot us. She was also feeling protective of the two cubs coming behind her.
“Up a tree,” I whispered, but no one moved. That’s when Momma bear stands up on her hind legs and I realize that no one in our group or the other one hand a gun. What the heck?! That’s the day I learned that just because someone identifies as a redneck does not automatically mean they are armed to the teeth like the news makes them out to be.
I grabbed Mari who was as transfixed as the others and started pushing her towards a tree. When she tried to hiss at me in anger I said growled, “Unless you are ready to meet Gaia get your butt up a tree. You can admire her handiwork from up high. Move!”
I wouldn’t turn loose and finally got her moving and the rest of us from The Farm broke ranks from the others and grabbed a tree. Some of the townies did the same. Some of them decided to take a stand and make a bunch of noise but what tipped the scale was when some of the crazies screamed like girls and took off at a run into the underbrush. Ye old mother bear thought “food fight!” and charged the slowest one, a young guy that reminded me of someone real close to being a VR addict; he even had helmet dints on his cheeks and the unhealthy pallor my cousin had had right before his school guidance counselor had stepped in.
It only took one swipe to knock his feet from under him and I was sure he was toast but there was a shot and Momma bear stumbled. I’m looking around because I know the gun wasn’t from our groups and then had to do a double take and grab Mari by the hair when she would have climbed down. “You cannot help that bear. Let Gaia decide.”
Yeah, I know, I sounded like a Greenie but when in Rome you speak Italian if you want to be understood and that’s the language that Mari spoke. So maybe it was hypocritical, but I wasn’t above building some equity to keep her off my back. She was caught between her loathing for me and the “truth” that I’d spoken. Either way someone else had taken the decision away from us and another bullet was fired from somewhere putting the bear down permanently.
“Are you happy now?!” Mari screamed at me.
“No. Because now two cubs are going to starve all because some idiots don’t have the sense God gave a rock. You don’t run from things that want to eat you. It makes them think of you as prey.”
Mari wasn’t the only one that was pitching a fit. The townies were as well and were squawking stuff on their walkie talkies. The leaders are yelling and wanting to know who took those shots. Everyone was denying it and things were getting confusing. And that’s when Bam-Bam decides that it is chow time. I just shook my head. Mari looks at us with disgust and then goes to add her two cents in to the argument that was unfolding. Ugh. I hate when stupid turns into a group sport.
I walked over to a girl I recognized as one of the older child and family trainees and told her, “I gotta feed the bottomless pit. I’ll be behind the tree over there.”
“Sure.”
Bam-Bam didn’t care for the ruckus – not that it was doing me any good – and it took a bit for my milk to let down and him to start chowing down. He finally finishes and I realized things had gotten quiet, too quiet. I stuff myself back in and looked around and no one is in sight. What … the … heck. Just what the heck. Teach me to let the zone take me away like that. I wasn’t afraid or anything. Not then. Like I said, if I have a single talent it is that I’m never lost even when I don’t know where I am. Besides, I remembered what trail we’d come on. I was in the middle of deciding whether to stay put or hoof it back when I felt a blinding pain in my head and everything went black.
CHAPTER 25 - 1
I don’t know how long I was out, several hours though because the first thing I noticed when I came to was that it was a lot colder than it had been, and it was also dark. And then I heard the voices. At first I thought it was squirrels fighting but then my brain cleared.
'iidha kunt qad 'udrimat albadayie sayakun hunak mushkilatun. nahn balfel 'aqala min alhisati. (If you have damaged the merchandise there will be trouble. We are already below quota.)
astarah , 'ant taqaliq kthyrana. (Relax, you worry too much.)
wa'ant tuqaliq qlylana jdana. (And you worry too little.)
ma la yuerifuh 'ahmad ln yudhiah. (What Ahmed doesn’t know will not hurt him.)
yaelam 'ahmad kli shay'in. (Ahmed knows everything.)
hadha hara' yukhbiruna kibar alsin lana 'an yubqiana fi alttabur wa'an laa natrah 'asyilatan. 'iidha kanuu yushkun min qate 'aqala min albadayie , fa'iinana nudhkiruhum bi'anahum yamlikun alakharun liabieuu la'aelaa mazayida. faman aleinayn al'ashqar wal'azraq ldhlk sawf yajlib thamanana bahza. (That is shit the old men tell us to keep us in line and not asking questions. If they complain about fewer pieces of merchandise then we remind them they have the other to sell to the highest bidder. It is blond and blue-eyed so will bring a high price.)
'iidha kan yaeisha. laqad qumt bi'iighlaq famah (If it lives. You taped its mouth shut.)
I started to panic realizing that I couldn’t feel Bam-Bam. His sling was missing. He should have been making noise, a lot of noise. Where was he?! I had to find him. I also realized my hands weren’t tied but my feet weren’t. I cracked my eyes open trying to figure out where I was and who was talking. I was off in the dark while two men sat around a lantern drinking what smelled like coffee. While I silently felt around me for something to use as a weapon they continued talking and it sounded like a circular argument they’d had many times before.
walakharun fi waqt muta'akhirin. (The others are late.)
'ant taqalaq kathirana. (You worry too much.)
wa'ant tuqaliq qlylana jdana. (And you worry too little.)
sawf 'atahaqaq min albadayiea. hal hdha yajealuk tasheur bthasn? (I will check the merchandise. Will that make you feel better?)
la eayinatan kama faealat fi almarat alsaabiqat. 'ahmad lm yakun masrurana. (Do not sample as you did last time. Ahmed was not pleased.)
kayf sayaerif? hdha wahid lays eadhra'. (How will he know? This one is no virgin.)
yaelam 'ahmad kli shay'in. (Ahmed knows everything.) Again I heard what sounded like fear and superstition in his voice.
majnun. (Fool.) The other man said contemptuously.
That man got up and I saw him lean a rifle of some sort against a tree. In the shadows I saw the sling hanging in a low branch as he walked by. I couldn’t tell if Bam-Bam was in there though; it was too dark.
In hindsight I realized what I did only worked because I didn’t have time to think and get more scared. I was already scared but not for myself so that didn’t count. What I was mostly was angry, a kind of angry I had never been.
My hand closed on a broken stick right before that man grabbed me and dragged me further into the dark woods. I played dead weight and it made him curse and think aloud maybe they had hit me too hard after all. Then he said something to the effect that too bad, but he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. He started to mess with me, assuming that I was and would remain unconscious; I surprised him by shoving the stick in one of his eyes as deep as I could push it. He only grunted before falling over in shock. Turns out I’d pushed hard enough that the stick went through the eye, the sinus cavity, and into his brain. The little bit of sound he had made was still enough to irritate the other man.
alsamt qabl samae 'ahmad lika. (Silence before Ahmed hears you!)
When the man I’d stabbed gave a groan the man by the fire cursed and started coming over. I saw a knife on the first one’s belt and grabbed it and then got very still and played ‘possum again very near the man who lay dying.
There was another death rattle from the first man and the second man threw down his rifle and stomped over.
libtb. (Enough of this.)
Then he reached down to force the other man over and I knew I’d never get another chance. Chief Jackson had begun teaching me Filipino style martial arts because they used knives. His rationale had been that with Jujitsu I could fight against a knife and with FMA I could fight with a knife. I’d just finished learning what he called a “close range” technique and that’s what I used against the second man when he leaned over to find out why his friend didn’t answer him.
All I will say is that it worked and it was messy. But I wasn’t really thinking about either man by that point, all I cared about was finding Bam-Bam.
I used the knife to cut my feet loose and rush over to the tree. He was in the sling but it terrified me at how limp he was. By the light of their lantern I nearly screamed when I saw the bastards had put some type of tape across his little mouth. I was afraid of tearing it off, afraid that it would tear his skin at the same time. God must have been watching out because it wasn’t duct tape but masking tape. Water helped me to lift enough of it off that I could uncover his mouth but he still wasn’t waking up. His skin was also colder than it should have been.
Trying to stay calm I expressed a little of my milk into his mouth. I must have been doing this a squirt at a time for about fifteen minutes when he finally latched on. It was a weak latch so I had to make sure he didn’t choke but finally he was drinking and then he was inhaling. I had to switch sides three times and empty both tanks before he would stop. He kept sucking for comfort long enough that I was sore. It was so cold that I decided to leave him inside my shirt. I froze my butt off, but I managed to take my shirt off, put the sling on so that it held Bam-Bam next to my skin, though I was grateful he’d agreed to turn loose of me and gnaw his fist instead, and then get redressed. I sat there for a moment trying to figure how what to do next before it clicked. They’d been expecting company. That moved me though I had finally calmed down enough to get crafty.
Proud Mary told me you don’t leave good stuff when you might need it, not even if it was on a dead body. We’d found a couple of those back in Tampa. Mr. JR never got mad when we took something useful for ourselves or the group so long as we reported the bodies to the authorities and didn’t desecrate them. I didn’t care about the desecration of these particular dead bodies, but I wasn’t going to waste time doing it either. Just because I still wanted to smash them didn’t mean I had to act on it. It was enough that I’d paid them for what they’d done to Bam-Bam and what they’d been planning to do.
The two men didn’t have a whole lot on them but what they had I took. A couple of decent knives, a sharpening stone, each of them carried what turned out to be night goggles, a couple of all-purpose tools, some fancy day glasses that hunter’s wore, the lantern they’d been sitting around, a personal and portable solar charger, a couple of flashlights that were cheaper than the one that Chief Jackson had given me, some food stuff that I didn’t have time to look through at the time, a small first aid kit, a small personal tablet which were both cracked, and both men had a wallet that contained a surprising amount of money … the real stuff not just reloadable cash cards though there were a couple of those as well. I dumped the ammo, cracked tablets, and the wallets with their IDs and cash cards into a stuff bag I pulled out of their pack. I also threw in one of each of the goggle and glasses. The guns I hid under a nearby fallen tree. I left their bodies where they fell. And then I hauled my butt out of there. I suppose I could have taken at least one of the guns but they were too big and heavy and it was pitch dark. I was more likely to trip on it and set it off than be able to use it for personal protection. Not to mention I had no clue how to use one of those big rifles. I did swipe the scopes off of the rifles. It just seemed like the thing to do.
I’d played with a pair of night goggles thanks to my Dad. He’d owned a pair for night time stakeouts, but all his gear was either turned over to his department or sold to pay bills not long after he was buried. Mom couldn’t stand to have the stuff in the house, the reminders hurt too much. What that meant was that I knew how they were supposed to work but had forgotten that while you could see in the dark, it wasn’t like seeing during the day. The goggles limited my periphery vision for one. For another, you couldn’t see all that far in front of you and tended to mess with your depth perception. Still I put them on, adjusted them, and then slowly made my way back in the general direction of The Farm.
I had been hiking for two hours when I heard something. I almost didn’t believe it at first and then wanted to believe it so much that I was worried I was only hearing what I wanted to hear … or was hearing “Ahmed” coming to find me and drag us back. Finally I heard enough that I sat down in the middle of the animal trail that I’d been following and start balling my eyes out calling out to them to be found.
The sound came closer and closer and then I was surrounded. I finally heard the Chief’s questions once the emergency blanket stopped crinkling around my ears so much.
I grabbed him and pulled him back. “Don’t go that way. They said they were waiting for someone … whoever it was he sounded scary.”
I don’t know why but when he said, “Report McCormick” I was able to grab ahold of my emotions and tell them – at least in general – what had happened.
I jerked away when someone tried to touch my head and he said, “You bite me Doe and I’ll bite you right back. Swear I will. Ask m’ sisters if you don’t believe me. Now hold still. Chay, hold her Dude. You’re the only one she’ll let do it, but I need to see where all this blood came from.”
“It … it isn’t all mine,” I whispered when I realized it was Cooper trying to wipe the goo off of me.
Chay groaned and Bam-Bam hearing his voice finally squeaked. “Turn loose. I need to check on him. Those sons a bastards put tape on his mouth,” I told them nearly starting to cry again.
None of them would let me come out of the blanket but Cooper and Chay held it to me while I unbuttoned enough layers so that Bam-Bam could pop his head out for a moment, realize it was cold, and then burrow back down like a kangaroo joey.
I sat still enough that Cooper could finally say, “She’s got a knot on her head but it doesn’t feel like a hematoma but we should get her back to Gilroy so she can be checked over by a female … for other stuff.”
Chief Jackson, who’d been speaking quietly with some other men including Dallas, bent down and finally asked the question. “If it isn’t your blood or the baby’s, whose is it?”
Rather than answer right away I handed him the stuff bag.
Examining the contents he said, “There’s two in here of everything. Were there two of them?”
I nodded then started feeling queasy to my stomach. “I did it. The first guy with a sharp stick in his eye. The other guy with a knife off the first guy using that move you made me learn a couple of weeks ago. They’d stolen Bam-Bam and were talking about selling him off … if he lived. I didn’t know where he was. They’d strung him up in a tree. I … I didn’t know if he was alive when I found him.”
Bam-Bam complained a bit when I squeezed him but not too much which told me he was still a bit scared too.
“’S okay. ‘S okay now.”
I knew Chay was trying to keep me from being scared but it was useless. I sighed. “No it isn’t. I’m in big trouble this time. They’ll take … take …” I started shaking.
“Trahern do what you can with her. Cooper …”
“Cover them,” he finished the orders. “Got it Chief.”
“Dallas, take point. We’ll go check out the camp.”
“It’s two hours due west,” I told them. “There’s a funny shaped peak that you need to head towards. If you cross past a lightening split tree you’ve gone about a hundred feet too far north.”
I heard some muttering, but the Chief took me seriously. “You hiked for two hours. In this dark?”
“Yes Sir. One of those pairs of goggles in that bag aren’t sun goggles but are night goggles.” I didn’t admit that I had taken a pair of each and had them in my pack. “My dad used to have a pair for night stake outs. I just had to move slow. I told you, it is my only talent. I never get lost even when I don’t know where I am.”
The Chief snorted and started talking to someone else before that person called someone on a radio. After that we just sort of sat around only I kept trying to fall asleep but Chay and Cooper wouldn’t let me. I finally figured out they were worried that I had a concussion. Then a radio squawked and after a minute I heard someone talking to Chief Jackson saying, “Right where she said they’d be.”
I then said, “There’s two big guns and a couple of small ones under some leaves by the fallen tree that is 20 yards due east of their camp. If they had more ammo than what was in that bag I didn’t find it.” I was about to reluctantly hand over the lantern but Chay’s arm tightened across me and Cooper shook his head.
“No moving Doe. Let us take care of things.”
I looked at him but decided I was too tired to work out if I was only hearing what I wanted to hear or if they knew I had taken more than what I’d turned over. Then they started talking about a way to carry me down.
“I can walk. You treat me like I’m Bam-Bam’s age.”
Chay said, “Sure?”
“Yes. I want Nurse Gilroy to look at Bam-Bam’s face. I was as careful as I could be tttttaking off …” Then it hit me again and I was shaking.
“’S okay. They don’t have Bam. We have Bam. And we have you. ‘S okay.”
“I know. Dddddon’t know why …. Ssssttttupid.”
Cooper said, “Reaction. Probably adrenaline dump or something like that. Happens to the best of us. Let’s see if you can stand up before we decide you can make it down on your own.”
It was getting towards dawn when we were met by another party. I only caught snatches of the conversation, but it sounded like “traffickers” and “raid”. By that time I was too tired to care and I was barely putting one foot in front of the other and only because Chay and Cooper were on either side of me. And then I wasn’t. Chay had picked me up and laid me down on a gurney. While two people I didn’t recognize carried the ends Chay and Cooper walked on either side. I saw Dallas too but he didn’t look like the guy that I normally saw. This Dallas looked as scary in his own way as Chief Jackson could look.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I don’t know how long I was out, several hours though because the first thing I noticed when I came to was that it was a lot colder than it had been, and it was also dark. And then I heard the voices. At first I thought it was squirrels fighting but then my brain cleared.
'iidha kunt qad 'udrimat albadayie sayakun hunak mushkilatun. nahn balfel 'aqala min alhisati. (If you have damaged the merchandise there will be trouble. We are already below quota.)
astarah , 'ant taqaliq kthyrana. (Relax, you worry too much.)
wa'ant tuqaliq qlylana jdana. (And you worry too little.)
ma la yuerifuh 'ahmad ln yudhiah. (What Ahmed doesn’t know will not hurt him.)
yaelam 'ahmad kli shay'in. (Ahmed knows everything.)
hadha hara' yukhbiruna kibar alsin lana 'an yubqiana fi alttabur wa'an laa natrah 'asyilatan. 'iidha kanuu yushkun min qate 'aqala min albadayie , fa'iinana nudhkiruhum bi'anahum yamlikun alakharun liabieuu la'aelaa mazayida. faman aleinayn al'ashqar wal'azraq ldhlk sawf yajlib thamanana bahza. (That is shit the old men tell us to keep us in line and not asking questions. If they complain about fewer pieces of merchandise then we remind them they have the other to sell to the highest bidder. It is blond and blue-eyed so will bring a high price.)
'iidha kan yaeisha. laqad qumt bi'iighlaq famah (If it lives. You taped its mouth shut.)
I started to panic realizing that I couldn’t feel Bam-Bam. His sling was missing. He should have been making noise, a lot of noise. Where was he?! I had to find him. I also realized my hands weren’t tied but my feet weren’t. I cracked my eyes open trying to figure out where I was and who was talking. I was off in the dark while two men sat around a lantern drinking what smelled like coffee. While I silently felt around me for something to use as a weapon they continued talking and it sounded like a circular argument they’d had many times before.
walakharun fi waqt muta'akhirin. (The others are late.)
'ant taqalaq kathirana. (You worry too much.)
wa'ant tuqaliq qlylana jdana. (And you worry too little.)
sawf 'atahaqaq min albadayiea. hal hdha yajealuk tasheur bthasn? (I will check the merchandise. Will that make you feel better?)
la eayinatan kama faealat fi almarat alsaabiqat. 'ahmad lm yakun masrurana. (Do not sample as you did last time. Ahmed was not pleased.)
kayf sayaerif? hdha wahid lays eadhra'. (How will he know? This one is no virgin.)
yaelam 'ahmad kli shay'in. (Ahmed knows everything.) Again I heard what sounded like fear and superstition in his voice.
majnun. (Fool.) The other man said contemptuously.
That man got up and I saw him lean a rifle of some sort against a tree. In the shadows I saw the sling hanging in a low branch as he walked by. I couldn’t tell if Bam-Bam was in there though; it was too dark.
In hindsight I realized what I did only worked because I didn’t have time to think and get more scared. I was already scared but not for myself so that didn’t count. What I was mostly was angry, a kind of angry I had never been.
My hand closed on a broken stick right before that man grabbed me and dragged me further into the dark woods. I played dead weight and it made him curse and think aloud maybe they had hit me too hard after all. Then he said something to the effect that too bad, but he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. He started to mess with me, assuming that I was and would remain unconscious; I surprised him by shoving the stick in one of his eyes as deep as I could push it. He only grunted before falling over in shock. Turns out I’d pushed hard enough that the stick went through the eye, the sinus cavity, and into his brain. The little bit of sound he had made was still enough to irritate the other man.
alsamt qabl samae 'ahmad lika. (Silence before Ahmed hears you!)
When the man I’d stabbed gave a groan the man by the fire cursed and started coming over. I saw a knife on the first one’s belt and grabbed it and then got very still and played ‘possum again very near the man who lay dying.
There was another death rattle from the first man and the second man threw down his rifle and stomped over.
libtb. (Enough of this.)
Then he reached down to force the other man over and I knew I’d never get another chance. Chief Jackson had begun teaching me Filipino style martial arts because they used knives. His rationale had been that with Jujitsu I could fight against a knife and with FMA I could fight with a knife. I’d just finished learning what he called a “close range” technique and that’s what I used against the second man when he leaned over to find out why his friend didn’t answer him.
All I will say is that it worked and it was messy. But I wasn’t really thinking about either man by that point, all I cared about was finding Bam-Bam.
I used the knife to cut my feet loose and rush over to the tree. He was in the sling but it terrified me at how limp he was. By the light of their lantern I nearly screamed when I saw the bastards had put some type of tape across his little mouth. I was afraid of tearing it off, afraid that it would tear his skin at the same time. God must have been watching out because it wasn’t duct tape but masking tape. Water helped me to lift enough of it off that I could uncover his mouth but he still wasn’t waking up. His skin was also colder than it should have been.
Trying to stay calm I expressed a little of my milk into his mouth. I must have been doing this a squirt at a time for about fifteen minutes when he finally latched on. It was a weak latch so I had to make sure he didn’t choke but finally he was drinking and then he was inhaling. I had to switch sides three times and empty both tanks before he would stop. He kept sucking for comfort long enough that I was sore. It was so cold that I decided to leave him inside my shirt. I froze my butt off, but I managed to take my shirt off, put the sling on so that it held Bam-Bam next to my skin, though I was grateful he’d agreed to turn loose of me and gnaw his fist instead, and then get redressed. I sat there for a moment trying to figure how what to do next before it clicked. They’d been expecting company. That moved me though I had finally calmed down enough to get crafty.
Proud Mary told me you don’t leave good stuff when you might need it, not even if it was on a dead body. We’d found a couple of those back in Tampa. Mr. JR never got mad when we took something useful for ourselves or the group so long as we reported the bodies to the authorities and didn’t desecrate them. I didn’t care about the desecration of these particular dead bodies, but I wasn’t going to waste time doing it either. Just because I still wanted to smash them didn’t mean I had to act on it. It was enough that I’d paid them for what they’d done to Bam-Bam and what they’d been planning to do.
The two men didn’t have a whole lot on them but what they had I took. A couple of decent knives, a sharpening stone, each of them carried what turned out to be night goggles, a couple of all-purpose tools, some fancy day glasses that hunter’s wore, the lantern they’d been sitting around, a personal and portable solar charger, a couple of flashlights that were cheaper than the one that Chief Jackson had given me, some food stuff that I didn’t have time to look through at the time, a small first aid kit, a small personal tablet which were both cracked, and both men had a wallet that contained a surprising amount of money … the real stuff not just reloadable cash cards though there were a couple of those as well. I dumped the ammo, cracked tablets, and the wallets with their IDs and cash cards into a stuff bag I pulled out of their pack. I also threw in one of each of the goggle and glasses. The guns I hid under a nearby fallen tree. I left their bodies where they fell. And then I hauled my butt out of there. I suppose I could have taken at least one of the guns but they were too big and heavy and it was pitch dark. I was more likely to trip on it and set it off than be able to use it for personal protection. Not to mention I had no clue how to use one of those big rifles. I did swipe the scopes off of the rifles. It just seemed like the thing to do.
I’d played with a pair of night goggles thanks to my Dad. He’d owned a pair for night time stakeouts, but all his gear was either turned over to his department or sold to pay bills not long after he was buried. Mom couldn’t stand to have the stuff in the house, the reminders hurt too much. What that meant was that I knew how they were supposed to work but had forgotten that while you could see in the dark, it wasn’t like seeing during the day. The goggles limited my periphery vision for one. For another, you couldn’t see all that far in front of you and tended to mess with your depth perception. Still I put them on, adjusted them, and then slowly made my way back in the general direction of The Farm.
I had been hiking for two hours when I heard something. I almost didn’t believe it at first and then wanted to believe it so much that I was worried I was only hearing what I wanted to hear … or was hearing “Ahmed” coming to find me and drag us back. Finally I heard enough that I sat down in the middle of the animal trail that I’d been following and start balling my eyes out calling out to them to be found.
The sound came closer and closer and then I was surrounded. I finally heard the Chief’s questions once the emergency blanket stopped crinkling around my ears so much.
I grabbed him and pulled him back. “Don’t go that way. They said they were waiting for someone … whoever it was he sounded scary.”
I don’t know why but when he said, “Report McCormick” I was able to grab ahold of my emotions and tell them – at least in general – what had happened.
I jerked away when someone tried to touch my head and he said, “You bite me Doe and I’ll bite you right back. Swear I will. Ask m’ sisters if you don’t believe me. Now hold still. Chay, hold her Dude. You’re the only one she’ll let do it, but I need to see where all this blood came from.”
“It … it isn’t all mine,” I whispered when I realized it was Cooper trying to wipe the goo off of me.
Chay groaned and Bam-Bam hearing his voice finally squeaked. “Turn loose. I need to check on him. Those sons a bastards put tape on his mouth,” I told them nearly starting to cry again.
None of them would let me come out of the blanket but Cooper and Chay held it to me while I unbuttoned enough layers so that Bam-Bam could pop his head out for a moment, realize it was cold, and then burrow back down like a kangaroo joey.
I sat still enough that Cooper could finally say, “She’s got a knot on her head but it doesn’t feel like a hematoma but we should get her back to Gilroy so she can be checked over by a female … for other stuff.”
Chief Jackson, who’d been speaking quietly with some other men including Dallas, bent down and finally asked the question. “If it isn’t your blood or the baby’s, whose is it?”
Rather than answer right away I handed him the stuff bag.
Examining the contents he said, “There’s two in here of everything. Were there two of them?”
I nodded then started feeling queasy to my stomach. “I did it. The first guy with a sharp stick in his eye. The other guy with a knife off the first guy using that move you made me learn a couple of weeks ago. They’d stolen Bam-Bam and were talking about selling him off … if he lived. I didn’t know where he was. They’d strung him up in a tree. I … I didn’t know if he was alive when I found him.”
Bam-Bam complained a bit when I squeezed him but not too much which told me he was still a bit scared too.
“’S okay. ‘S okay now.”
I knew Chay was trying to keep me from being scared but it was useless. I sighed. “No it isn’t. I’m in big trouble this time. They’ll take … take …” I started shaking.
“Trahern do what you can with her. Cooper …”
“Cover them,” he finished the orders. “Got it Chief.”
“Dallas, take point. We’ll go check out the camp.”
“It’s two hours due west,” I told them. “There’s a funny shaped peak that you need to head towards. If you cross past a lightening split tree you’ve gone about a hundred feet too far north.”
I heard some muttering, but the Chief took me seriously. “You hiked for two hours. In this dark?”
“Yes Sir. One of those pairs of goggles in that bag aren’t sun goggles but are night goggles.” I didn’t admit that I had taken a pair of each and had them in my pack. “My dad used to have a pair for night stake outs. I just had to move slow. I told you, it is my only talent. I never get lost even when I don’t know where I am.”
The Chief snorted and started talking to someone else before that person called someone on a radio. After that we just sort of sat around only I kept trying to fall asleep but Chay and Cooper wouldn’t let me. I finally figured out they were worried that I had a concussion. Then a radio squawked and after a minute I heard someone talking to Chief Jackson saying, “Right where she said they’d be.”
I then said, “There’s two big guns and a couple of small ones under some leaves by the fallen tree that is 20 yards due east of their camp. If they had more ammo than what was in that bag I didn’t find it.” I was about to reluctantly hand over the lantern but Chay’s arm tightened across me and Cooper shook his head.
“No moving Doe. Let us take care of things.”
I looked at him but decided I was too tired to work out if I was only hearing what I wanted to hear or if they knew I had taken more than what I’d turned over. Then they started talking about a way to carry me down.
“I can walk. You treat me like I’m Bam-Bam’s age.”
Chay said, “Sure?”
“Yes. I want Nurse Gilroy to look at Bam-Bam’s face. I was as careful as I could be tttttaking off …” Then it hit me again and I was shaking.
“’S okay. They don’t have Bam. We have Bam. And we have you. ‘S okay.”
“I know. Dddddon’t know why …. Ssssttttupid.”
Cooper said, “Reaction. Probably adrenaline dump or something like that. Happens to the best of us. Let’s see if you can stand up before we decide you can make it down on your own.”
It was getting towards dawn when we were met by another party. I only caught snatches of the conversation, but it sounded like “traffickers” and “raid”. By that time I was too tired to care and I was barely putting one foot in front of the other and only because Chay and Cooper were on either side of me. And then I wasn’t. Chay had picked me up and laid me down on a gurney. While two people I didn’t recognize carried the ends Chay and Cooper walked on either side. I saw Dallas too but he didn’t look like the guy that I normally saw. This Dallas looked as scary in his own way as Chief Jackson could look.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 25 - 2
I slept what would have been the weekend away, only waking up when Bam-Bam needed me and when the broom patrol would fly by and force me to eat. Once, when I had a nightmare, Dallas was there.
“Easy there Doe. It’s all over and those asshats won’t come near you ever again.”
I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and asked, “What about the others? They mentioned that there’d been other girls … or at least I think it was girls. They called them merchandise. Were any of them from the search group I was in?”
“Hmm. ‘Bout that … you sure you understood what they said?”
“Yeah. I … um … I’m good with languages. I had a speech therapist that taught me how to not stutter by teaching me foreign languages to kind of break the whatever … the disconnect … and once I learned to speak in another language without stuttering I could speak in my native language without doing it. And my parents thought being multilingual would make a kid smarter.”
“You tell the Chief about that?”
“Um … no?”
“Why don’t I just mention it for you?” he said in a tone that said he was amused for some reason.
“I guess. Tell him to look up my dual enrollment grades from before here if no one believes you.”
I also asked him if the other kids that had been lost were found. They had but it wasn’t as happy an ending as I’d had. Two of them had fallen down a ravine and another had gotten hurt trying to help them; all three lived but one wouldn’t be walking ever again unless the stem cell therapy worked. I went to sleep after that and the next time I woke up it was to find Chay holding Bam-Bam and making sign language with his hands.
“He doesn’t know that one yet,” I mumbled. “Is he hungry?”
Chay grunted and I saw a bottle on the stand beside the bed I was in. A little outraged I squawked, “They gave him formula?!”
“Uh uh. Vitamins. Watch.”
And when Chay picked up the bottle and brought it close to Bam-Bam the face he made almost made me laugh.
I fed the eating machine and was finally awake enough I was wondering if I could ask questions. But before I could ask a single one Chay said, “Have your pack. You get out of here … give it to you.”
“Um …”
“Don’t worry. ‘S okay.” I realized he meant that I was to keep what I had “found” and not say anything else about it.
Then I jumped. “Oh my gawd, I totally forgot to ask if the rest of the search party made it back.”
He snorted. “Made it back fine. Almost didn’t live long though. Chief uncorked all over them.”
“Uh oh.”
“Hmmm.” Chay asked, “Left you on purpose? Claimed they didn’t.”
“I don’t know. I told someone that I had to feed Bam-Bam. I zoned and when I came back … you know … they were gone.”
“Girl said she told one of the leaders. Leader said he didn’t know what she was talking about and shrugged it off.” Then he gave me a look and said, “Buddy system.”
“None of them were my buddies. Besides I told someone where I was going.”
“Not point. You make buddy even if you don’t want one. From now on. Understand?”
“Okay … uh I mean yes S …”
He stopped me with a finger over my lips. “Not telling you to be Chief. Telling you ‘cause you need to know.” He quirked his eye and I nodded I understood and then he moved his finger.
“Okay. I get it. I got stupid and …”
He stopped me again. “Getting separated from group. Stupid. Yes. The other? Not your fault.” He looked at me so hard and stern I got the point.
“Okay. But maybe if I hadn’t …”
“No. Separated yes. The other … not your fault. None of it.”
“Am … am I in …”
Cooper and Nurse Gilroy jerked back the curtain and startled both Chay and I. “Dude,” Cooper said. “I am informed visiting hours are over. Time to hit the chow hall.”
Chay nodded, looked at me, then pointed to the pillow I’d been laying on. “Yeah. I am kinda tired.”
The guys left and after just a little fussing by Nurse Gilroy I was allowed to go back to sleep.
Next time the voices I heard had me sitting up real quick. “I’m awake Your Honor. Really. I am.” Though in all honesty I was only about halfway awake and must have looked it.
Judge Haygood, Chief Jackson, and another man I didn’t recognize walked in and Chief Jackson asked, “You sure McCormick because from where I’m standing you remind me of an owl that had its nap disturbed.”
I blinked at him and wondered what he was smiling about. “Um … yes Sir?”
The Judge sat down in the chair the others had been using and asked, “How are you feeling Young Lady?”
“Probably better than I have a right to under the circumstances. Um … Sir. I mean Your Honor.”
“Hmmm. Are you feeling up to some questions?”
Wishing I could put it off but knowing it wasn’t going to get any easier if I did fake needing more time I said, “Yes Sir.”
He pointed to the third man in the room and said, “This is Investigator Danvers. He needs to ask you a few questions so he can close out his report.”
“Yes Sir.”
The questions weren’t much different from what the Chief and Dallas had asked me on the trail. There were a few I couldn’t answer, like what direction did the men think “Ahmed” would be coming from and where did they plan on taking me. And then they got down to the fact that I could understand Arabic. I explained again about the lisp and speech therapy but then had to go one step further by proving that I could do what I claimed.
Investigator Danvers said, “Chinese I can understand. My son is taking Mandarin as his language in high school. Spanish is also easy to compute given you are from Florida. But Russian and Arabic?”
“Well, Dad was a cop … a detective. He had a lot of cases around the university area and USF has a lot of international students. I mean a lot of them. He decided that if I was going to be good at languages that it should be something useful and not just something fluffy like Latin and Greek. There is … or was … a pretty big community of Eastern Europeans in South Tampa too and there were a lot of Middle Easterners living in Temple Terrace. I was adding Hindi because of Mom’s cancer doctor but … but she died and I just didn’t want to anymore.”
“Hmmm. Any other languages?”
“French, and I know some Creole swear words because of a girl that lived at the half-way house I used to stay at. I know some Thai too because of a janitor that worked there. But Russian and Mandarin are the only two I can read … I mean of the ones that have their own alphabet and stuff. Hindi and Arabic have a completely different way of writing … not even in the same direction. If I want it written I’ll just use a computer.”
He looked at the Judge and Chief and just shook his head. “Good luck with this one.”
“I … I didn’t mean to be bad. I was protecting Bam-Bam. Please don’t take him a …”
The Judge said sternly, “Trainee McCormick, if you had done anything other than protect your child I would have been forced to question your commitment to the position.” That made me blink. “Investigator Danvers has what he requires I believe.” The man nodded. “I am closing the book on this episode. You will receive a little extra guidance from Chief Jackson but unless I miss my guess, the matter can be put behind you. I suggest a refresher course in staying with your group.”
“Don’t worry your Honor … I’ve already gotten lectured on finding a buddy even if I’m not with my regular crew. I’m surprised you didn’t smell my tail feathers when you walked in.”
That’s when Nurse Gilroy had to put her two cents in. “You deserved it Doe. You’re just lucky Trainees Trahern, Dallas, and Cooper care enough to try and teach you.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Investigator Danvers asked, “Those the three GIs?”
Chief Jackson answered, “Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“It isn’t fraternization,” I said a little impatiently around the thermometer that Nurse Gilroy had poked in my mouth. “They’re just sheep dogs.”
Nurse Gilroy groused, “Stop talking or it will take forever for me to get a reading.”
The Judge smiled at my predicament and said to the man called Danvers, “I’ll explain it while we walk back to the Hall to grab a cup of coffee before you have to leave.”
The Chief chuckled to Nurse Gilroy and said, “Maybe I should bring one of those things on the trail. Looks like it works.”
I started to say something until Nurse Gilroy looked at me and said, “Not a word.”
The Chief finally followed the other two me out after having a good laugh at my expense.
After finally letting me take it out of my mouth Gilroy said, “Don’t be upset, they’re just relieved.”
“I guess.” Then all in a rush I asked, “They didn’t hurt Bam-Bam did they? Was that tape toxic. I remember Chay saying something about vitamins. Did he need anything else?”
Replying more calmly than I had asked she said, “He had a little bit of diaper rash from wearing the same diaper too long but that’s already all but cleared up. He was dehydrated and gets upset easier than I noticed him getting at his previous exams. He has a rash around his mouth but again, that is clearing up.”
“But?”
“But nothing. It does not appear that Blake is going to have any lasting effects from this episode.”
My chest hurt from relief.
“You’re pale again.” She took my wrist and it was obvious she was checking my heart beats per minute. “Okay, time to lay down. Let’s put Blake in his bassinet.”
“No! Um … I mean please. We’re used to co-sleeping. I’ll leave the rails up on the bed.”
“Hmmm. I’ll accept that compromise so long as you can sleep through the next few hours without another nightmare.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I slept what would have been the weekend away, only waking up when Bam-Bam needed me and when the broom patrol would fly by and force me to eat. Once, when I had a nightmare, Dallas was there.
“Easy there Doe. It’s all over and those asshats won’t come near you ever again.”
I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and asked, “What about the others? They mentioned that there’d been other girls … or at least I think it was girls. They called them merchandise. Were any of them from the search group I was in?”
“Hmm. ‘Bout that … you sure you understood what they said?”
“Yeah. I … um … I’m good with languages. I had a speech therapist that taught me how to not stutter by teaching me foreign languages to kind of break the whatever … the disconnect … and once I learned to speak in another language without stuttering I could speak in my native language without doing it. And my parents thought being multilingual would make a kid smarter.”
“You tell the Chief about that?”
“Um … no?”
“Why don’t I just mention it for you?” he said in a tone that said he was amused for some reason.
“I guess. Tell him to look up my dual enrollment grades from before here if no one believes you.”
I also asked him if the other kids that had been lost were found. They had but it wasn’t as happy an ending as I’d had. Two of them had fallen down a ravine and another had gotten hurt trying to help them; all three lived but one wouldn’t be walking ever again unless the stem cell therapy worked. I went to sleep after that and the next time I woke up it was to find Chay holding Bam-Bam and making sign language with his hands.
“He doesn’t know that one yet,” I mumbled. “Is he hungry?”
Chay grunted and I saw a bottle on the stand beside the bed I was in. A little outraged I squawked, “They gave him formula?!”
“Uh uh. Vitamins. Watch.”
And when Chay picked up the bottle and brought it close to Bam-Bam the face he made almost made me laugh.
I fed the eating machine and was finally awake enough I was wondering if I could ask questions. But before I could ask a single one Chay said, “Have your pack. You get out of here … give it to you.”
“Um …”
“Don’t worry. ‘S okay.” I realized he meant that I was to keep what I had “found” and not say anything else about it.
Then I jumped. “Oh my gawd, I totally forgot to ask if the rest of the search party made it back.”
He snorted. “Made it back fine. Almost didn’t live long though. Chief uncorked all over them.”
“Uh oh.”
“Hmmm.” Chay asked, “Left you on purpose? Claimed they didn’t.”
“I don’t know. I told someone that I had to feed Bam-Bam. I zoned and when I came back … you know … they were gone.”
“Girl said she told one of the leaders. Leader said he didn’t know what she was talking about and shrugged it off.” Then he gave me a look and said, “Buddy system.”
“None of them were my buddies. Besides I told someone where I was going.”
“Not point. You make buddy even if you don’t want one. From now on. Understand?”
“Okay … uh I mean yes S …”
He stopped me with a finger over my lips. “Not telling you to be Chief. Telling you ‘cause you need to know.” He quirked his eye and I nodded I understood and then he moved his finger.
“Okay. I get it. I got stupid and …”
He stopped me again. “Getting separated from group. Stupid. Yes. The other? Not your fault.” He looked at me so hard and stern I got the point.
“Okay. But maybe if I hadn’t …”
“No. Separated yes. The other … not your fault. None of it.”
“Am … am I in …”
Cooper and Nurse Gilroy jerked back the curtain and startled both Chay and I. “Dude,” Cooper said. “I am informed visiting hours are over. Time to hit the chow hall.”
Chay nodded, looked at me, then pointed to the pillow I’d been laying on. “Yeah. I am kinda tired.”
The guys left and after just a little fussing by Nurse Gilroy I was allowed to go back to sleep.
Next time the voices I heard had me sitting up real quick. “I’m awake Your Honor. Really. I am.” Though in all honesty I was only about halfway awake and must have looked it.
Judge Haygood, Chief Jackson, and another man I didn’t recognize walked in and Chief Jackson asked, “You sure McCormick because from where I’m standing you remind me of an owl that had its nap disturbed.”
I blinked at him and wondered what he was smiling about. “Um … yes Sir?”
The Judge sat down in the chair the others had been using and asked, “How are you feeling Young Lady?”
“Probably better than I have a right to under the circumstances. Um … Sir. I mean Your Honor.”
“Hmmm. Are you feeling up to some questions?”
Wishing I could put it off but knowing it wasn’t going to get any easier if I did fake needing more time I said, “Yes Sir.”
He pointed to the third man in the room and said, “This is Investigator Danvers. He needs to ask you a few questions so he can close out his report.”
“Yes Sir.”
The questions weren’t much different from what the Chief and Dallas had asked me on the trail. There were a few I couldn’t answer, like what direction did the men think “Ahmed” would be coming from and where did they plan on taking me. And then they got down to the fact that I could understand Arabic. I explained again about the lisp and speech therapy but then had to go one step further by proving that I could do what I claimed.
Investigator Danvers said, “Chinese I can understand. My son is taking Mandarin as his language in high school. Spanish is also easy to compute given you are from Florida. But Russian and Arabic?”
“Well, Dad was a cop … a detective. He had a lot of cases around the university area and USF has a lot of international students. I mean a lot of them. He decided that if I was going to be good at languages that it should be something useful and not just something fluffy like Latin and Greek. There is … or was … a pretty big community of Eastern Europeans in South Tampa too and there were a lot of Middle Easterners living in Temple Terrace. I was adding Hindi because of Mom’s cancer doctor but … but she died and I just didn’t want to anymore.”
“Hmmm. Any other languages?”
“French, and I know some Creole swear words because of a girl that lived at the half-way house I used to stay at. I know some Thai too because of a janitor that worked there. But Russian and Mandarin are the only two I can read … I mean of the ones that have their own alphabet and stuff. Hindi and Arabic have a completely different way of writing … not even in the same direction. If I want it written I’ll just use a computer.”
He looked at the Judge and Chief and just shook his head. “Good luck with this one.”
“I … I didn’t mean to be bad. I was protecting Bam-Bam. Please don’t take him a …”
The Judge said sternly, “Trainee McCormick, if you had done anything other than protect your child I would have been forced to question your commitment to the position.” That made me blink. “Investigator Danvers has what he requires I believe.” The man nodded. “I am closing the book on this episode. You will receive a little extra guidance from Chief Jackson but unless I miss my guess, the matter can be put behind you. I suggest a refresher course in staying with your group.”
“Don’t worry your Honor … I’ve already gotten lectured on finding a buddy even if I’m not with my regular crew. I’m surprised you didn’t smell my tail feathers when you walked in.”
That’s when Nurse Gilroy had to put her two cents in. “You deserved it Doe. You’re just lucky Trainees Trahern, Dallas, and Cooper care enough to try and teach you.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Investigator Danvers asked, “Those the three GIs?”
Chief Jackson answered, “Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“It isn’t fraternization,” I said a little impatiently around the thermometer that Nurse Gilroy had poked in my mouth. “They’re just sheep dogs.”
Nurse Gilroy groused, “Stop talking or it will take forever for me to get a reading.”
The Judge smiled at my predicament and said to the man called Danvers, “I’ll explain it while we walk back to the Hall to grab a cup of coffee before you have to leave.”
The Chief chuckled to Nurse Gilroy and said, “Maybe I should bring one of those things on the trail. Looks like it works.”
I started to say something until Nurse Gilroy looked at me and said, “Not a word.”
The Chief finally followed the other two me out after having a good laugh at my expense.
After finally letting me take it out of my mouth Gilroy said, “Don’t be upset, they’re just relieved.”
“I guess.” Then all in a rush I asked, “They didn’t hurt Bam-Bam did they? Was that tape toxic. I remember Chay saying something about vitamins. Did he need anything else?”
Replying more calmly than I had asked she said, “He had a little bit of diaper rash from wearing the same diaper too long but that’s already all but cleared up. He was dehydrated and gets upset easier than I noticed him getting at his previous exams. He has a rash around his mouth but again, that is clearing up.”
“But?”
“But nothing. It does not appear that Blake is going to have any lasting effects from this episode.”
My chest hurt from relief.
“You’re pale again.” She took my wrist and it was obvious she was checking my heart beats per minute. “Okay, time to lay down. Let’s put Blake in his bassinet.”
“No! Um … I mean please. We’re used to co-sleeping. I’ll leave the rails up on the bed.”
“Hmmm. I’ll accept that compromise so long as you can sleep through the next few hours without another nightmare.”
“Yes ma’am.”
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Thank you 
CHAPTER 26 - 1
The remainder of February I spent in a bit of a fog. Rather than light duty I understood that work was healthier … but I did have an extra-large dose of monitoring and counseling. That was fun … heavy on the sarcasm in case it doesn’t come through. The one thing that I realized that was a shock to realize I hadn’t accepted it before was that playtime was over. I was seventeen, almost eighteen, and had a kid to take care of. I’d had crap happen to me that there was no changing or fixing. And even with people that wanted the best for me, in their own way, it looked like the crap that life slings could still get to me … and now my kid. And soon even The Farm would be gone as would my friends who would be going other directions, and it would be up to me and only me to keep us safe, and fed, and housed in some way, shape, or fashion.
I’d spent a lifetime invested in a camouflage that I might have made the mistake of starting to believe in myself. I’d always been “young for my age” because of one reason or another and it use to work to my advantage … I sometimes made it work to my advantage and I’m not too proud to admit it. But things were changing. I was going to have to change. There were too many things out there that wanted to take advantage of me being young for my age while at the same time too many things telling me that if I didn’t grow up and get tough I was going to fail. And if I failed it wouldn’t just be me going down the crapper, it would be my kid. Yes, that kept me up at night and gave me the shakes. It was bad enough that I even consented to talk about it in the counseling sessions but all they could do was listen and make sure I didn’t decide to express myself up in a water tower with a rifle or something like that. They had no real advice except to “grow up.” It was stressful.
The only relief I got from the stress of constantly being watched by everyone, and trying to figure out my “personal issues,” was creating the refashions for Chief Lark. I was up to making four clothing items per week plus the occasional accessory out of leftover parts. I would have done it anyway just to have an excuse to be left alone but knowing I was building real credits didn’t hurt and that’s for dang sure.
By March everyone seemed to be over it. I’m not saying that to be snarky or that they hurt my feelings; it’s just how the human psyche rolls. Eventually you get beyond living in the bad stuff or you wind up with a mental health diagnosis. Which was strange considering what happened later. But there were some residuals I had to deal with.
Chief Jackson and the guys reacted by being a little hot and heavy with the training in self-defense and what have you. The guys had apparently decided that since they couldn’t be there in person 24/7 to be a sheep dog, they were going to make sure when I was out of their sight that what skills I did have were sharp … like split a hair with a newly sharpened knife sharp. So maybe they hadn’t gotten over it as much as everyone else, but at least I had proven I wasn’t a complete lamb-butt and helpless. Or so said Chief Madison during a counseling session.
“What’s the sour face about Trainee?” she asked one afternoon late in February.
“It’s just been one of those days.”
“Explain.”
I snorted then used. “Where it feels like you’re the only snowball in hell and all the flames are eager to do their job.”
“I beg your pardon?”
I blew air out of my nose and bounced Bam-Bam to keep him happy when what he really wanted to do was get down and crawl around, he was seven months old and a lot more independent than the little lump he had been when I first came to The Farm.
“I know my job. I’m alright doing my job. I just wish the guys wouldn’t act so … so … like they have to watch me all the time and make sure I’m doing my job better. I know they don’t mean anything bad by it. But they don’t realize that one of the jobs I’m supposed to do is be their friend so they can socialize and normalize. And on days like today what I’d really like to do is kick ‘em in the shin and tell them to back the frell up because I’m not three years old. I get they are feeling uber protective but geeezzzz. I don’t want to hurt their feelings which would be unkind, plus make part of my job harder so I go in this circular frenzy and right now … I’m just done with it.”
“Oh,” she said, obviously trying not to smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure you and Chief Jackson would really like to bust a gut on some days. The two of you must have some hilarious conversations when us trainees aren’t around. I mean did you see them going nuts today?! I don’t know how many times I have to tell them I don’t get lost. So Chief Jackson plays a prank and ‘loses’ us in the woods. I already know which direction to go but will they listen to me? And when they finally do get around to allowing as how maybe they can see if I know I have to prove six ways from Sunday that my orienteering skills are up to snuff. Only once they believe I don’t get lost they start insisting I learn all these trail signs and when I don’t get them on the first try … gah! I don’t know why or how the compass in my head works, it just does. I don’t get lost, that doesn’t mean I can track any other person that is lost. Everything else is just details that I’m not going to learn any faster than the next person, so they are just going to have to slow the frick down. Do I ask them to suddenly do advanced calculus just because they made it through an Algebra II quiz?”
“Okay, okay, I think I’m beginning to see your side of things. But what you need to understand is they …”
Bluntly I finished, “Are still having issues because their little mascot got bashed in the head and dragged off.”
She gave me the same look I saw her giving Chief Jackson on occasion. “Er … yes. Please tell me you do not phrase it quite so crudely when discussing this with them.”
“I don’t ‘phrase’ it at all. They don’t want to talk about it. They’d probably stick their fingers in their ears and go la-la-la if they could get away with it.”
“Hmmm.”
“I bet this is what Cooper had to put up with only in reverse. You know … all those big sisters and him stuck at the bottom.”
“Mmm … probably.” She finally gave in and grinned and explained the guys did understand that I wasn’t completely helpless but that it only made them worry more, not less, because they couldn’t just put me in a gilded cage without feeling guilty. Which I think is upside down logic but that’s the male of the species for you.
She told me, “Cut them some slack and let them teach you the advance survival training they are apparently attempting to do. It won’t hurt, and it might help.”
It won’t hurt and it might help. I’ve heard that phrase way too often in my life for my comfort. It won’t hurt. Well, no, learning stuff doesn’t hurt except the time I spend learning what they want me to learn means less time to learn and do other things other people wanted me to learn and do. It might help. Yeah, it “might.” The problem was there were things I knew would help that I needed to make time for and their “might” caused me to be a little resentful because they wanted me to do both when there wasn’t time for both. I had to pick. And when I didn’t pick their “might” they could get cranky.
Like I said, by March the situation had calmed back down but only because no one seemed to have a choice in the matter.
March brought warmer weather during the day, though it still froze at night, and with it came one of The Farm’s major fund-raising activities. Trainees spent time every day gathering sap from trees in the surrounding forest and bringing it back so that it could be boiled and turned into syrups that were then shipped and sold in specialty stores around the country. Depending on your level of experience and trainee status is what part of the process you took part in. Being at the bottom of the food chain most of us first and early second semester trainees did the grunt work of gathering the sap.
Most of the sap came from maple trees but they also got a decent amount from birch trees. There were a few specialty syrups made – box elder and pecan as two examples – but those were handled by the advanced culinary trainees. Chief Jackson took our training a bit further and we made other things like birch sap wine and maple syrup wine – I was to never let on that I was underage if an inspector came around – and even a pine needle syrup. The other edibles we learned about were fiddleheads, wintercress, chickweed, field garlic, garlic mustard, and some absolutely disgusting looking fungus called chaga. I choked the chaga down but just barely. Supposedly it is good for you but, I know I’ve been hungry enough to dumpster dive when I was on the street, I hope to never again be the kind of hungry that would make me want to ingest that chaga stuff. Of course, I soon had an out because when Nurse Gilroy found out she came un-freaking-glued. I was nursing so no chaga for me, thank you Nurse Gilroy.
Cooper – who looked like his training to be a hospital aide was working out – insisted on checking all my first aid skills after that and even studied up on what nursing mothers are not supposed to eat or should eat more of. He also accompanied me to a CPR class Chief Delray had arranged that didn’t just teach the regular CPR like you used with adults, but also CPR that was particular to babies and small children. Afterwards we broke off from the rest of them – he was my official escort back through the dark since everyone had to have a buddy – and I simply asked, “How’s Chay doing?”
He grunted and the said, “Why?”
“Because a little birdy told me that he was getting some hassle from his ex and her fam and I want to know if it is still happening and if it is can I help, and even if it isn’t can I help.”
He looked around and kept us out of the shadows and within sight of a couple of Chiefs and then answered, “In a couple of days they’re sending some shark to try and get him moved to a different facility ‘cause they say he is some kind of danger to himself and others and still needs someone to manage his affairs and stuff.”
“I take it this isn’t just the kind of situation where he can tell them to shove it and leave him alone.”
“’Fraid not,” he said, shaking his head. “Look, the … the truth is all three of us are a lot better than we used to be. I was depressed, Dallas was in denial, and Chay … man he really was dangerous. You’ve seen some of the scars of what they did to him. You don’t know the half of it. It was during the storm that he started … coming out of it. He risked his life over and over to go out in the storm and bring in people, mostly kids. There were these old people he carried on his back out of this nursing home place that hadn’t gotten everyone evacuated because there weren’t enough places for medical and mental needs. When some of the guys from the VA started getting fritzy he’d put ‘em to work and … and we all just kinda … felt worth more than we had in a while. If was the director of the nursing home that went out of her way to get Chay a place here and then we find out all three of us got a placement. I won’t speak for the others, but it was the first real hope I’d had I in a while. Then Chay … man, you just don’t understand how weird it was to see him interact with you on the mover. Then the way he is here, talking and shit, interacting, being all in the here and now and going to counseling, things like that. I’m worried that if he gets booted back to where he was that he’ll … you know … go back to the way he was.”
“Then we’ll have to make sure that he doesn’t.”
“No pranks Doe. We don’t need that kind of attention and it could backfire.”
The remainder of February I spent in a bit of a fog. Rather than light duty I understood that work was healthier … but I did have an extra-large dose of monitoring and counseling. That was fun … heavy on the sarcasm in case it doesn’t come through. The one thing that I realized that was a shock to realize I hadn’t accepted it before was that playtime was over. I was seventeen, almost eighteen, and had a kid to take care of. I’d had crap happen to me that there was no changing or fixing. And even with people that wanted the best for me, in their own way, it looked like the crap that life slings could still get to me … and now my kid. And soon even The Farm would be gone as would my friends who would be going other directions, and it would be up to me and only me to keep us safe, and fed, and housed in some way, shape, or fashion.
I’d spent a lifetime invested in a camouflage that I might have made the mistake of starting to believe in myself. I’d always been “young for my age” because of one reason or another and it use to work to my advantage … I sometimes made it work to my advantage and I’m not too proud to admit it. But things were changing. I was going to have to change. There were too many things out there that wanted to take advantage of me being young for my age while at the same time too many things telling me that if I didn’t grow up and get tough I was going to fail. And if I failed it wouldn’t just be me going down the crapper, it would be my kid. Yes, that kept me up at night and gave me the shakes. It was bad enough that I even consented to talk about it in the counseling sessions but all they could do was listen and make sure I didn’t decide to express myself up in a water tower with a rifle or something like that. They had no real advice except to “grow up.” It was stressful.
The only relief I got from the stress of constantly being watched by everyone, and trying to figure out my “personal issues,” was creating the refashions for Chief Lark. I was up to making four clothing items per week plus the occasional accessory out of leftover parts. I would have done it anyway just to have an excuse to be left alone but knowing I was building real credits didn’t hurt and that’s for dang sure.
By March everyone seemed to be over it. I’m not saying that to be snarky or that they hurt my feelings; it’s just how the human psyche rolls. Eventually you get beyond living in the bad stuff or you wind up with a mental health diagnosis. Which was strange considering what happened later. But there were some residuals I had to deal with.
Chief Jackson and the guys reacted by being a little hot and heavy with the training in self-defense and what have you. The guys had apparently decided that since they couldn’t be there in person 24/7 to be a sheep dog, they were going to make sure when I was out of their sight that what skills I did have were sharp … like split a hair with a newly sharpened knife sharp. So maybe they hadn’t gotten over it as much as everyone else, but at least I had proven I wasn’t a complete lamb-butt and helpless. Or so said Chief Madison during a counseling session.
“What’s the sour face about Trainee?” she asked one afternoon late in February.
“It’s just been one of those days.”
“Explain.”
I snorted then used. “Where it feels like you’re the only snowball in hell and all the flames are eager to do their job.”
“I beg your pardon?”
I blew air out of my nose and bounced Bam-Bam to keep him happy when what he really wanted to do was get down and crawl around, he was seven months old and a lot more independent than the little lump he had been when I first came to The Farm.
“I know my job. I’m alright doing my job. I just wish the guys wouldn’t act so … so … like they have to watch me all the time and make sure I’m doing my job better. I know they don’t mean anything bad by it. But they don’t realize that one of the jobs I’m supposed to do is be their friend so they can socialize and normalize. And on days like today what I’d really like to do is kick ‘em in the shin and tell them to back the frell up because I’m not three years old. I get they are feeling uber protective but geeezzzz. I don’t want to hurt their feelings which would be unkind, plus make part of my job harder so I go in this circular frenzy and right now … I’m just done with it.”
“Oh,” she said, obviously trying not to smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure you and Chief Jackson would really like to bust a gut on some days. The two of you must have some hilarious conversations when us trainees aren’t around. I mean did you see them going nuts today?! I don’t know how many times I have to tell them I don’t get lost. So Chief Jackson plays a prank and ‘loses’ us in the woods. I already know which direction to go but will they listen to me? And when they finally do get around to allowing as how maybe they can see if I know I have to prove six ways from Sunday that my orienteering skills are up to snuff. Only once they believe I don’t get lost they start insisting I learn all these trail signs and when I don’t get them on the first try … gah! I don’t know why or how the compass in my head works, it just does. I don’t get lost, that doesn’t mean I can track any other person that is lost. Everything else is just details that I’m not going to learn any faster than the next person, so they are just going to have to slow the frick down. Do I ask them to suddenly do advanced calculus just because they made it through an Algebra II quiz?”
“Okay, okay, I think I’m beginning to see your side of things. But what you need to understand is they …”
Bluntly I finished, “Are still having issues because their little mascot got bashed in the head and dragged off.”
She gave me the same look I saw her giving Chief Jackson on occasion. “Er … yes. Please tell me you do not phrase it quite so crudely when discussing this with them.”
“I don’t ‘phrase’ it at all. They don’t want to talk about it. They’d probably stick their fingers in their ears and go la-la-la if they could get away with it.”
“Hmmm.”
“I bet this is what Cooper had to put up with only in reverse. You know … all those big sisters and him stuck at the bottom.”
“Mmm … probably.” She finally gave in and grinned and explained the guys did understand that I wasn’t completely helpless but that it only made them worry more, not less, because they couldn’t just put me in a gilded cage without feeling guilty. Which I think is upside down logic but that’s the male of the species for you.
She told me, “Cut them some slack and let them teach you the advance survival training they are apparently attempting to do. It won’t hurt, and it might help.”
It won’t hurt and it might help. I’ve heard that phrase way too often in my life for my comfort. It won’t hurt. Well, no, learning stuff doesn’t hurt except the time I spend learning what they want me to learn means less time to learn and do other things other people wanted me to learn and do. It might help. Yeah, it “might.” The problem was there were things I knew would help that I needed to make time for and their “might” caused me to be a little resentful because they wanted me to do both when there wasn’t time for both. I had to pick. And when I didn’t pick their “might” they could get cranky.
Like I said, by March the situation had calmed back down but only because no one seemed to have a choice in the matter.
March brought warmer weather during the day, though it still froze at night, and with it came one of The Farm’s major fund-raising activities. Trainees spent time every day gathering sap from trees in the surrounding forest and bringing it back so that it could be boiled and turned into syrups that were then shipped and sold in specialty stores around the country. Depending on your level of experience and trainee status is what part of the process you took part in. Being at the bottom of the food chain most of us first and early second semester trainees did the grunt work of gathering the sap.
Most of the sap came from maple trees but they also got a decent amount from birch trees. There were a few specialty syrups made – box elder and pecan as two examples – but those were handled by the advanced culinary trainees. Chief Jackson took our training a bit further and we made other things like birch sap wine and maple syrup wine – I was to never let on that I was underage if an inspector came around – and even a pine needle syrup. The other edibles we learned about were fiddleheads, wintercress, chickweed, field garlic, garlic mustard, and some absolutely disgusting looking fungus called chaga. I choked the chaga down but just barely. Supposedly it is good for you but, I know I’ve been hungry enough to dumpster dive when I was on the street, I hope to never again be the kind of hungry that would make me want to ingest that chaga stuff. Of course, I soon had an out because when Nurse Gilroy found out she came un-freaking-glued. I was nursing so no chaga for me, thank you Nurse Gilroy.
Cooper – who looked like his training to be a hospital aide was working out – insisted on checking all my first aid skills after that and even studied up on what nursing mothers are not supposed to eat or should eat more of. He also accompanied me to a CPR class Chief Delray had arranged that didn’t just teach the regular CPR like you used with adults, but also CPR that was particular to babies and small children. Afterwards we broke off from the rest of them – he was my official escort back through the dark since everyone had to have a buddy – and I simply asked, “How’s Chay doing?”
He grunted and the said, “Why?”
“Because a little birdy told me that he was getting some hassle from his ex and her fam and I want to know if it is still happening and if it is can I help, and even if it isn’t can I help.”
He looked around and kept us out of the shadows and within sight of a couple of Chiefs and then answered, “In a couple of days they’re sending some shark to try and get him moved to a different facility ‘cause they say he is some kind of danger to himself and others and still needs someone to manage his affairs and stuff.”
“I take it this isn’t just the kind of situation where he can tell them to shove it and leave him alone.”
“’Fraid not,” he said, shaking his head. “Look, the … the truth is all three of us are a lot better than we used to be. I was depressed, Dallas was in denial, and Chay … man he really was dangerous. You’ve seen some of the scars of what they did to him. You don’t know the half of it. It was during the storm that he started … coming out of it. He risked his life over and over to go out in the storm and bring in people, mostly kids. There were these old people he carried on his back out of this nursing home place that hadn’t gotten everyone evacuated because there weren’t enough places for medical and mental needs. When some of the guys from the VA started getting fritzy he’d put ‘em to work and … and we all just kinda … felt worth more than we had in a while. If was the director of the nursing home that went out of her way to get Chay a place here and then we find out all three of us got a placement. I won’t speak for the others, but it was the first real hope I’d had I in a while. Then Chay … man, you just don’t understand how weird it was to see him interact with you on the mover. Then the way he is here, talking and shit, interacting, being all in the here and now and going to counseling, things like that. I’m worried that if he gets booted back to where he was that he’ll … you know … go back to the way he was.”
“Then we’ll have to make sure that he doesn’t.”
“No pranks Doe. We don’t need that kind of attention and it could backfire.”
Chapter 26 - 2
“Why does everyone assume that is what I would do? Geez, I don’t need the trouble anymore than anyone else, maybe less. I get in trouble and I can lose Bam-Bam. And none of us need Mari Johnson getting involved considering what her connections are.”
“I thought you and her had buried the hatchet.”
I shrugged. “I gave her less reason to count me an enemy and showed her I could respect her beliefs.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not sure if it is going to stick long term so I avoid any potential problems from that sector as Chief Jackson would say. I’m talking about looking up laws and things like that to see if Chay’s ex really has any leg to stand on in court. If you don’t fight, the court assumes you are agreeable. Chay may not want to fight the ex-wife but he’s going to have to stand up for his rights at some point.”
The next day I had a meeting with Chief Haygood to go over what amounted to a huge consumer math project using my previous experience in on-line sales. I was supposed to create a year over year business plan and then run the numbers to see what the potential was. I already knew some of the pitfalls in that kind of business … travel costs to acquire materials, adequate storage, increasing costs of licensure, finding the time to make enough stock so you could stay a presence or create repeat buyers, online cites changing their fees, etc. The project wasn’t onerous but it wasn’t something I could do in my sleep either.
After we’d gone over the assignment results and he’d made a few suggestions that I was to implement in the plan and see what that did for the financial outcome I asked if he had a moment for a personal matter.
“That would be better taken up with one of the female Chiefs.”
“Er … not that kind of personal matter Sir.” I took a deep breath and then explained what I’d heard with regard to Quiet Guy and the questions I had regarding the legal aspects.
I told him, “I don’t have a lot of time and I was wondering if you think that I need to focus on Georgia law or Florida law.”
“Why would you need to focus on either one?”
“Georgia is where The Farm is located. Florida is the state where Trainee Trahern was residing when he was under the conservatorship of his ex. But then there is Virginia where they were married and divorced. Or I suppose there is Federal law because his issues derived from being a soldier during war.”
“Why not take this up with Chief Jackson?”
“I will once I have something to put on the table.”
“And why not contact the Judge directly with this … concern?”
“One, it isn’t my place to do something like that. Two, I’m sure the Judge is already aware of the situation since he’d probably have to be the one to give permission for that kind of importuning of a Trainee while they resided at The Farm … this is private property not some government entitlement program. And it isn’t prison either, but it isn’t exactly daycare for misfits. Plus I’m sure he has … er … um … other irons in the fire that could be affected by showing what could be misconstrued as favoritism.”
Chief Haygood wiped his mouth and then chuckled. “Now I see why the Judge gets a kick out of you.” Well that was news to me. Then he became serious and I was careful to hide my thoughts. “Yes, we all have what you call irons in the fire. That said, if I were you, I would work on Trahern’s willingness to show some backbone.”
“It isn’t his backbone that is the problem. And, to be crude about it since the situation seems to warrant it, his ex doesn’t have a part of his anatomy in a lock box either. It’s the little boy … the one everyone keeps telling him isn’t his. He knows the boy isn’t his biologically but that doesn’t change that Chay’s heart is telling him that biology isn’t always the linchpin that people make it out to be. I can understand that. I wasn’t biologically my parents’ child, but I was their child because their hearts told them I was. And what makes me mad isn’t just that those people are trying to keep their jackboots on Chay’s neck over some valuable government bennies, but that they’re using that little boy as the tool to do it with. Now here’s what I think.”
“Do tell.”
Ignoring the Chief’s sarcasm I said, “A conservatorship is only concerning financial stuff and say whether you are capable of handling your personal affairs. Assuming they did have the power to pull that off, Chay is not the same man he was the first time around. He has now shown himself completely capable of interacting and caring for a young, male child both with and without supervision. He has now proven himself under multiple circumstances to be willing to put himself in danger to protect said child. He has no biological connection to that child and no legal connection to that child’s mother, just a desire to work together for the betterment of the child and the mother. Pretty close to what that lawyer is going to bring in hand to try and put his clients back in control. Well, if the child is what they are using then the child has to be part of any solution.”
“Hmph?”
“Visitation rights. The whole nine yards. Check the divorce decree and see if he was given what was due him or if it is … er … being held in trust and let’s not have to get the IRS involved so any discrepancies must be corrected before a conservatorship can be granted and that said conservatorship would be better off being taken care of by an unrelated and uninvolved third party … like one of them guardian ad litem folks I had.”
“Why you little …” He was scandalized and admiring at the same time. “And just where did you come up with that idea?”
“It isn’t mine but a variation of the one that my guardian ad litem, and her brother the lawyer, employed to convince my father’s stepmother that it was in her best interest to remove herself from my case. There’s always things that people don’t want brought into the light to be looked at too closely. Chay might not be able to … explain … it that way to his ex and her family because he is just a nice guy that life has given a hard time. That doesn’t mean that Chay doesn’t have other people in his life now willing to explain the facts should they choose to pursue their current chosen path.”
He just sat there and looked at me and then said, “Young lady …” Then he stopped and shook his head like he’d changed his mind. “Just keep an eye on Trainee Trahern. I’ll see what the Judge makes of your … points.”
“Yes Sir.”
I spent the rest of the day in the library researching what I could about government benefits, what they were, who could use them, whether conservatorships granted in one state worked in another, and getting a look see at what I could find on the ex and her family, etc. etc. etc. I found a few interesting tidbits out and realized the Judge or his legal team probably already knew them, but I might be able to take what I learned and get Chay to see things a different way. I didn’t want to tell him some of what I found but I would if I had to. Sometimes you just have to hear the facts to understand the truth.
The next day I found out that my meddling wasn’t appreciated.
Early, on my way to jujitsu, I was suddenly roughly pulled into some bushes and given a shake. “Not your business.”
When I figured out who it was I hauled off and kicked him in the shin almost as hard as I’d been dying to do for a month. It took a lot for him not to give a surprised yelp. “You ever … ever … do that again Chay Trahern and I will oh so hand you your head. As for ‘not my business’ I assume you’re talking about the stunt your ex is trying to pull.”
“Not her … her parents.”
“So maybe everyone is wrong. Maybe you are still in love with her … well that’s your business and I wouldn’t mess with that for all the tea in China. But the question is does she feel the same and if so, then why the heck is she letting her parents do what they’re doing. It sets a sucky example for the little boy. And you letting them do that crap to you is just as bad.”
He’d opened his mouth but what I’d said must have finally penetrated because he got a weird look on his face.
“Yeah,” I told him. “Is this lay-down-on-the-mover-tracks-so-I-can-be-run-over behavior what you want the kid to think men should be?”
“Not what I mean.”
“Okay, so you think those bennies are going to get him something? Because I’ve got news for you, they’re not. They never were getting him anything if that’s what they’ve made you think. Rolly has already been proven in a court of law not to be your kid. And you didn’t adopt him either. The kid doesn’t have any legal standing to get medical bennies or anything else your kid – bio or adopted – could get. And for your info, they can’t shop on base either. What they do get is a good chunk of change for doing positively squat to earn it. They aren’t the ones that got you out of that Halfway Hell House you were living in. I’ve heard Dallas and Cooper talk about it. You were just being warehoused in that place, medicated to keep you quiet and compliant, not getting the kind of counseling and training you needed … none of you got the help you needed. There’s no way the ex could have missed that. They just wanted to be able to say they didn’t dump you on the street. And then, when they saw that you tried for Rolly, tried to pull yourself together as much as you could, that’s when they stopped bringing him. Sure you were a mess but they could have explained that to him.”
“Not that way. No.”
“Yeah. From where I’m standing that’s exactly what it was. And now they are using Rolly all over again, twanging your heart strings, making you imagine you are giving him something when in reality he doesn’t see any of it. And he’s learning how to be a taker in life, how to run a game to take advantage of people just because they have a good heart.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No. You’re just a kid, don’t understand how these things work.”
“Oh please, have you forgotten who is standing in front of you?! I’ve had my life turned upside down by crapheads and do-gooders both, and from my perspective there isn’t always a whole lot of difference in the results. Starting with my own womb-donor. Whether she was a worthless bitch or a scared kid who was only trying to do the best she could for birthing Frankenstein’s baby doesn’t matter, I still wound up in a trashcan. Chay, don’t let them take this chance away from you. If you don’t start standing up for yourself, if you don’t stop letting people put limitations on you, there’s going to come a time when you won’t be able to make any decisions for yourself … they’ll take it all away from you. The bad people want to keep you down to make themselves feel better. The good people want to do everything for you and all that says is they don’t think you’re capable of doing anything. Don’t let them do it. Don’t let them win.
He just growled at me, “Not your business.”
“Yeah, you said that already. I get it. And for your info I’m not really doing it for you though that counts. I’m doing it for Rolly. Think whatever you want to but don’t let them use that little boy as their weapon of choice. I would never let anyone use Bam-Bam like that. Not even against Bob, and trust me people wanted to. There are some things in this life you just don’t do, and I don’t want my kid growing up to think it is okay to push people around like that just because you got pushed around by life. If you still think of Rolly as your kid, then be the dad he needs. It isn’t about making things in life easy, it is about teaching them not to take the easy way in life. It is about standing up for what’s right even when it costs you. My dad was frelling murdered because he was doing what was right. He could have turned down the job, he didn’t. He could have sat back on his laurels, he didn’t. He could have told that family it’s been too long and your girl just isn’t worth the effort. He didn’t. My mom died of cancer. She hurt. Everyday she hurt. The cancer hurt and the treatment for the cancer hurt. She could have taken the easy way out and chosen euthanasia. But she didn’t. She hung on as long as she could and taught me stuff, made sure that I had what I needed to carry on in life without her and Dad. And I’m still learning from their example – and will for the rest of my life. Doggone it Chay … be that kind of parent if you have to be one. Be one Rolly might not understand now, but maybe he’ll learn a lesson that he can use in the future. Just … just … ”
I heard a loud whistle blown three times that meant there was an emergency. Whether it was a drill or not I didn’t know but when we heard those three whistles we were to report to the nearest station.
“Why does everyone assume that is what I would do? Geez, I don’t need the trouble anymore than anyone else, maybe less. I get in trouble and I can lose Bam-Bam. And none of us need Mari Johnson getting involved considering what her connections are.”
“I thought you and her had buried the hatchet.”
I shrugged. “I gave her less reason to count me an enemy and showed her I could respect her beliefs.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not sure if it is going to stick long term so I avoid any potential problems from that sector as Chief Jackson would say. I’m talking about looking up laws and things like that to see if Chay’s ex really has any leg to stand on in court. If you don’t fight, the court assumes you are agreeable. Chay may not want to fight the ex-wife but he’s going to have to stand up for his rights at some point.”
The next day I had a meeting with Chief Haygood to go over what amounted to a huge consumer math project using my previous experience in on-line sales. I was supposed to create a year over year business plan and then run the numbers to see what the potential was. I already knew some of the pitfalls in that kind of business … travel costs to acquire materials, adequate storage, increasing costs of licensure, finding the time to make enough stock so you could stay a presence or create repeat buyers, online cites changing their fees, etc. The project wasn’t onerous but it wasn’t something I could do in my sleep either.
After we’d gone over the assignment results and he’d made a few suggestions that I was to implement in the plan and see what that did for the financial outcome I asked if he had a moment for a personal matter.
“That would be better taken up with one of the female Chiefs.”
“Er … not that kind of personal matter Sir.” I took a deep breath and then explained what I’d heard with regard to Quiet Guy and the questions I had regarding the legal aspects.
I told him, “I don’t have a lot of time and I was wondering if you think that I need to focus on Georgia law or Florida law.”
“Why would you need to focus on either one?”
“Georgia is where The Farm is located. Florida is the state where Trainee Trahern was residing when he was under the conservatorship of his ex. But then there is Virginia where they were married and divorced. Or I suppose there is Federal law because his issues derived from being a soldier during war.”
“Why not take this up with Chief Jackson?”
“I will once I have something to put on the table.”
“And why not contact the Judge directly with this … concern?”
“One, it isn’t my place to do something like that. Two, I’m sure the Judge is already aware of the situation since he’d probably have to be the one to give permission for that kind of importuning of a Trainee while they resided at The Farm … this is private property not some government entitlement program. And it isn’t prison either, but it isn’t exactly daycare for misfits. Plus I’m sure he has … er … um … other irons in the fire that could be affected by showing what could be misconstrued as favoritism.”
Chief Haygood wiped his mouth and then chuckled. “Now I see why the Judge gets a kick out of you.” Well that was news to me. Then he became serious and I was careful to hide my thoughts. “Yes, we all have what you call irons in the fire. That said, if I were you, I would work on Trahern’s willingness to show some backbone.”
“It isn’t his backbone that is the problem. And, to be crude about it since the situation seems to warrant it, his ex doesn’t have a part of his anatomy in a lock box either. It’s the little boy … the one everyone keeps telling him isn’t his. He knows the boy isn’t his biologically but that doesn’t change that Chay’s heart is telling him that biology isn’t always the linchpin that people make it out to be. I can understand that. I wasn’t biologically my parents’ child, but I was their child because their hearts told them I was. And what makes me mad isn’t just that those people are trying to keep their jackboots on Chay’s neck over some valuable government bennies, but that they’re using that little boy as the tool to do it with. Now here’s what I think.”
“Do tell.”
Ignoring the Chief’s sarcasm I said, “A conservatorship is only concerning financial stuff and say whether you are capable of handling your personal affairs. Assuming they did have the power to pull that off, Chay is not the same man he was the first time around. He has now shown himself completely capable of interacting and caring for a young, male child both with and without supervision. He has now proven himself under multiple circumstances to be willing to put himself in danger to protect said child. He has no biological connection to that child and no legal connection to that child’s mother, just a desire to work together for the betterment of the child and the mother. Pretty close to what that lawyer is going to bring in hand to try and put his clients back in control. Well, if the child is what they are using then the child has to be part of any solution.”
“Hmph?”
“Visitation rights. The whole nine yards. Check the divorce decree and see if he was given what was due him or if it is … er … being held in trust and let’s not have to get the IRS involved so any discrepancies must be corrected before a conservatorship can be granted and that said conservatorship would be better off being taken care of by an unrelated and uninvolved third party … like one of them guardian ad litem folks I had.”
“Why you little …” He was scandalized and admiring at the same time. “And just where did you come up with that idea?”
“It isn’t mine but a variation of the one that my guardian ad litem, and her brother the lawyer, employed to convince my father’s stepmother that it was in her best interest to remove herself from my case. There’s always things that people don’t want brought into the light to be looked at too closely. Chay might not be able to … explain … it that way to his ex and her family because he is just a nice guy that life has given a hard time. That doesn’t mean that Chay doesn’t have other people in his life now willing to explain the facts should they choose to pursue their current chosen path.”
He just sat there and looked at me and then said, “Young lady …” Then he stopped and shook his head like he’d changed his mind. “Just keep an eye on Trainee Trahern. I’ll see what the Judge makes of your … points.”
“Yes Sir.”
I spent the rest of the day in the library researching what I could about government benefits, what they were, who could use them, whether conservatorships granted in one state worked in another, and getting a look see at what I could find on the ex and her family, etc. etc. etc. I found a few interesting tidbits out and realized the Judge or his legal team probably already knew them, but I might be able to take what I learned and get Chay to see things a different way. I didn’t want to tell him some of what I found but I would if I had to. Sometimes you just have to hear the facts to understand the truth.
The next day I found out that my meddling wasn’t appreciated.
Early, on my way to jujitsu, I was suddenly roughly pulled into some bushes and given a shake. “Not your business.”
When I figured out who it was I hauled off and kicked him in the shin almost as hard as I’d been dying to do for a month. It took a lot for him not to give a surprised yelp. “You ever … ever … do that again Chay Trahern and I will oh so hand you your head. As for ‘not my business’ I assume you’re talking about the stunt your ex is trying to pull.”
“Not her … her parents.”
“So maybe everyone is wrong. Maybe you are still in love with her … well that’s your business and I wouldn’t mess with that for all the tea in China. But the question is does she feel the same and if so, then why the heck is she letting her parents do what they’re doing. It sets a sucky example for the little boy. And you letting them do that crap to you is just as bad.”
He’d opened his mouth but what I’d said must have finally penetrated because he got a weird look on his face.
“Yeah,” I told him. “Is this lay-down-on-the-mover-tracks-so-I-can-be-run-over behavior what you want the kid to think men should be?”
“Not what I mean.”
“Okay, so you think those bennies are going to get him something? Because I’ve got news for you, they’re not. They never were getting him anything if that’s what they’ve made you think. Rolly has already been proven in a court of law not to be your kid. And you didn’t adopt him either. The kid doesn’t have any legal standing to get medical bennies or anything else your kid – bio or adopted – could get. And for your info, they can’t shop on base either. What they do get is a good chunk of change for doing positively squat to earn it. They aren’t the ones that got you out of that Halfway Hell House you were living in. I’ve heard Dallas and Cooper talk about it. You were just being warehoused in that place, medicated to keep you quiet and compliant, not getting the kind of counseling and training you needed … none of you got the help you needed. There’s no way the ex could have missed that. They just wanted to be able to say they didn’t dump you on the street. And then, when they saw that you tried for Rolly, tried to pull yourself together as much as you could, that’s when they stopped bringing him. Sure you were a mess but they could have explained that to him.”
“Not that way. No.”
“Yeah. From where I’m standing that’s exactly what it was. And now they are using Rolly all over again, twanging your heart strings, making you imagine you are giving him something when in reality he doesn’t see any of it. And he’s learning how to be a taker in life, how to run a game to take advantage of people just because they have a good heart.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No. You’re just a kid, don’t understand how these things work.”
“Oh please, have you forgotten who is standing in front of you?! I’ve had my life turned upside down by crapheads and do-gooders both, and from my perspective there isn’t always a whole lot of difference in the results. Starting with my own womb-donor. Whether she was a worthless bitch or a scared kid who was only trying to do the best she could for birthing Frankenstein’s baby doesn’t matter, I still wound up in a trashcan. Chay, don’t let them take this chance away from you. If you don’t start standing up for yourself, if you don’t stop letting people put limitations on you, there’s going to come a time when you won’t be able to make any decisions for yourself … they’ll take it all away from you. The bad people want to keep you down to make themselves feel better. The good people want to do everything for you and all that says is they don’t think you’re capable of doing anything. Don’t let them do it. Don’t let them win.
He just growled at me, “Not your business.”
“Yeah, you said that already. I get it. And for your info I’m not really doing it for you though that counts. I’m doing it for Rolly. Think whatever you want to but don’t let them use that little boy as their weapon of choice. I would never let anyone use Bam-Bam like that. Not even against Bob, and trust me people wanted to. There are some things in this life you just don’t do, and I don’t want my kid growing up to think it is okay to push people around like that just because you got pushed around by life. If you still think of Rolly as your kid, then be the dad he needs. It isn’t about making things in life easy, it is about teaching them not to take the easy way in life. It is about standing up for what’s right even when it costs you. My dad was frelling murdered because he was doing what was right. He could have turned down the job, he didn’t. He could have sat back on his laurels, he didn’t. He could have told that family it’s been too long and your girl just isn’t worth the effort. He didn’t. My mom died of cancer. She hurt. Everyday she hurt. The cancer hurt and the treatment for the cancer hurt. She could have taken the easy way out and chosen euthanasia. But she didn’t. She hung on as long as she could and taught me stuff, made sure that I had what I needed to carry on in life without her and Dad. And I’m still learning from their example – and will for the rest of my life. Doggone it Chay … be that kind of parent if you have to be one. Be one Rolly might not understand now, but maybe he’ll learn a lesson that he can use in the future. Just … just … ”
I heard a loud whistle blown three times that meant there was an emergency. Whether it was a drill or not I didn’t know but when we heard those three whistles we were to report to the nearest station.
