Jonas Parker
Hooligan
My son dumped me off at the “old folks’ home”,
And left me there to rest.
Just me, my computer, ham radio rig,
And my blue tick coon hound, Tess.
And I remembered the words of a dear old friend,
Who once told me before he passed,
“Watch out for the blue-haired cougars, son
‘Cause you’ll never stand a chance!”
The odds, I admit, didn’t look too good.
Outnumbered eight to one, I hear,
But I felt “Old Tess” would keep me safe,
And bark if a cougar prowled near.
But a Texas blue-haired cougar’s clever,
And one asked me the very next day,
“You don’t mind if I walk your coon hound, Sir?
With dogs I have a way.”
So Old Tess fell first to that cougar’s charms,
And her “doggie treats” as well,
‘Cause Tess didn’t even bark or growl,
When that cougar rang my bell.
“Wouldn’t you like a glass of wine?”
The cougar asked the next day.
While Tess just sat and wagged her tail,
The “Milk Bones” had paved the way.
Then a glass of wine, a highball or two,
Soon the days rolled by in a blur.
And finally all I could think of,
Was that cougar with hair of blue.
Now six months have passed and here we are,
My blue-haired cougar and me.
Along with our blue tick coon hound, Tess,
Just as happy as we all can be.
So here’s my advice to all old men
In that “old folks’ home” at last.
Watch out for those blue-haired cougars, boys,
And run, but don’t run too fast!
And left me there to rest.
Just me, my computer, ham radio rig,
And my blue tick coon hound, Tess.
And I remembered the words of a dear old friend,
Who once told me before he passed,
“Watch out for the blue-haired cougars, son
‘Cause you’ll never stand a chance!”
The odds, I admit, didn’t look too good.
Outnumbered eight to one, I hear,
But I felt “Old Tess” would keep me safe,
And bark if a cougar prowled near.
But a Texas blue-haired cougar’s clever,
And one asked me the very next day,
“You don’t mind if I walk your coon hound, Sir?
With dogs I have a way.”
So Old Tess fell first to that cougar’s charms,
And her “doggie treats” as well,
‘Cause Tess didn’t even bark or growl,
When that cougar rang my bell.
“Wouldn’t you like a glass of wine?”
The cougar asked the next day.
While Tess just sat and wagged her tail,
The “Milk Bones” had paved the way.
Then a glass of wine, a highball or two,
Soon the days rolled by in a blur.
And finally all I could think of,
Was that cougar with hair of blue.
Now six months have passed and here we are,
My blue-haired cougar and me.
Along with our blue tick coon hound, Tess,
Just as happy as we all can be.
So here’s my advice to all old men
In that “old folks’ home” at last.
Watch out for those blue-haired cougars, boys,
And run, but don’t run too fast!
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