Story Over the Mountains and Through the Fire (Complete)

[Kathy in FL]

Some of you are bound to remember this one but some might not. It was originally posted over at the parsimonous tree rat forum but since it isn't there any longer I thought I would put it in the archives here. Looking over it I realize there are some awful editing mistakes so I'll try and clean it up a bit as we go. Nine will get you ten however that some will still slip through.

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Chapter 1

“When the next rain comes no one will be able to tell the ground has even been disturbed,” or at least that is what I told myself as I fitted the sod back together the best I could. I wasn’t just bragging either; I’d made a rather neat job of it even if I was the only person around to witness it. Nana would be pleased. She was a neat and tidy kind of woman and she would appreciate the effort I had put into the job. Of course Nana was now buried underneath that sod so maybe I was just having a case of wishful thinking.

She wasn’t even my Nana but that had never made a difference to either one of us. She loved me because I had been best friends with her grandson Jonathon and I loved the old lady because she was just about the only person besides my parents and my best friend that had treated me normal, like I was a real kid instead of someone that fate had played a joke on.

I missed Jonathon nearly as much as I missed my parents. I’d buried him too only a few days ago and not too many miles away. At another time I might have carried Nana’s body back to that place so that they could be buried together, but not now. Someone who believed in ghosts and things like that might have been tempted to say that not carrying out that last act would have them haunting me … but I don’t believe in ghosts. Let’s be brutally honest; they’re dead and the last thing they care about anymore is where their husks are, I’m not dead yet but going back the way I came could get me dead so it wasn’t a choice I was willing to act on. I know they are already where this life’s decisions have sent them so I have to have faith that if they are looking down they’d understand. I’m pretty sure they are both in Heaven but either way I can’t do anything about what was between them and God. I have enough trouble dealing with my own confusing relationship with the Creator.

I sat down to rest and think. I needed to do both before going any further. Resting was the easy part. Even as big and strong as I am I was at the end of my rope from carrying first Jonathon and then Nana hoping to get to a place where we could find their medicine still in supply. It was either rest or fall flat on my face before too much longer that’s why I’d had to stop in the first place, that and the fact that I wasn’t used to the altitude. I don’t care how big and strong you are, high altitudes will kick your backside if you aren’t used to it.

Thinking about what to do next took a lot of effort and it was so frustrating that I decided to think about how I had gotten to this point before I trying to figure out what I needed to do next. It also seemed safer since it was stuff I couldn’t change.

I crawled off to some bushes and set up camp even though it was practically the middle of the day. If I was going to be sitting around thinking about depressing things I at least wanted to do it out of the mid-day sun that seemed to suck what energy I had left out of me, along with the rest of my fluids. The things is I’m not very good at sitting still unless I have something to occupy my hands and my mind so while I took a look at the past my hands started dumping things out of the three packs that I’d been lugging around – three packs for three people – and started repacking everything into one backpack which had been mine to begin with. I was the biggest and strongest of the three of us so naturally I carried the biggest and heaviest of the packs.

When my mother had been pregnant with me she’d been put on prenatal vitamins like most pregnant women. No big deal. Or it shouldn’t have been anyway. Unfortunately there are people in this world that are just plain psycho and a large batch of these prenatal vitamins had been tampered with in some kind of “Green War” terrorism designed to lower the number of kids that were getting born. But instead of causing miscarriages like the tampering was supposed to, though it did cause a few of those too, it instead affected the development of the babies in the womb. I was one of those babies.

They found out about the tampering when my mom was five months along with me. All the doctors told the women that they could abort the babies and start again as the prenatal vitamins didn’t affect the mother. Mom and Dad told them they could stuff that where the sun don’t shine. The rest of the moms and dads with babies like that were about fifty-fifty on the decision, it seemed to depend on how far along the mother was and how bad the “deformities” were. Mom was soft hearted about most things but any time that came up she would get mad enough to wither anything living within her blast zone. I was the only baby she and dad had and she said that I was a blessing and those other kids would have been too if their parents hadn’t been such a bunch of cowardly murderers … or they could have given the kids to people who would raise them or something like that. Usually she was just growling and spitting and you couldn’t understand her by the time she got that far. People learned real quick to not linger on that topic if Mom was within ear shot.

After all of us “Green War” babies were born – I wasn’t the first or the last – testing showed that how challenged the kid was going to be in life depended a lot on any recessives they had running around in the family gene pool and at what point the mom had started taking the vitamins.

I was a bit of a surprise whoopsie so my mom didn’t start taking the vitamins until the beginning of her second trimester and she hadn’t been taking them all that long when a doctor somewhere realized what was happening after a bunch of women in his clinic started having weird kids way outside the normal ratio range.

None of us Green War babies had the same challenges. They even called us GWBs because that is about the only thing most of us had in common. If you were a GWB you were usually a muck up of all the recessives floating in your family genetics. That’s not necessarily as bad as it sounds though for some of us kids it could be. Jonathon and I did OK with the flavors we got though there are days even now that I’ve learned to live with it that I still feel the need to give God a real piece of my mind over how unfair it feels at times. Other times I’m thanking him for the blessing of my problem. No one ever said life made sense.

Jonathon was small in a family full of big men and long tall women. He also had asthma and bad skin and had pale hair and pale eyes. In a family full of dark haired, dark eyed athletes and Varsity lettermen he stood out and not necessarily in a good way … more like the red headed step child everyone wondered about but no one had the courage to actually ask about out loud. What made it harder on him was that his three other siblings were exactly like the rest of his family … beautiful, popular, and except for a couple of them I’d met sometimes dumb as stumps. Jonathon was an intellectual and “sensitive” which got him a lot of abuse from his brothers (one older, one younger). His sister’s friends adored him but as a friend, not as the kind of guy they’d ever take home to their parents or show off at the school dance; like a modern day Lord Byron without all of the private perversions and problems.

In other words, Jonathon would have been cool if he’d been born into any other family than the one he was born into. Or at least that’s what I think. His family was just so weirded out by his differences from them that their attitude towards him affected other people’s attitudes toward him. Jonathon had it harder in that respect than I did; only his Nana gave him complete acceptance for who he was. She once told me that it was actually her side of the family that Jonathon took after and she had been convinced that he was just going to be a late bloomer like her own father and brothers had been. Unfortunately they had all died in young adulthood which made Jonathon out to be a bit of a tragic figure for her … another bit of romanticism that the two of us used to roll our eyes at when no one was looking.

Me … I had the opposite problem that Jonathon had. I was big in a family of average sized people and my family tended to run the opposite direction in trying to make sure that I was totally accepted for who I was. I was more than a little spoiled by what was left of my small family. Jonathon never acted jealous of this but sometimes I wonder if he was.

Our families weren’t the only differences between us. Last time I bothered to check I was 5’10” to his 5’2” but then again I’ve been that way since I was nine years old and being told how amazingly tall you are for your age gets really old really fast. When I was nine was the year they found the tumor that was causing all of my growth problems. In a way I saved my Dad’s sister’s life as after they figured out what was wrong with me they took a look at her health problems and discovered a miniscule benign tumor in her head too. She wasn’t especially tall though she was way taller than some of the women in my family but she was a … well … a “big woman” if you catch my drift. That was cool, having my problems be useful in saving someone else, but it didn’t change the fact that I was a bit of a freak. See not only was I tall but I was big and strong too … as in I belonged in a circus side show kind of deal.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents hated when I said things like that. “Rocky Charbonneau! If I ever hear you say such things again you’ll be grounded for life. Just because you are different …” blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. My parents loved me and protected me the way parents are supposed to … even from myself when necessary. Now I’m the only one left that can protect me, and there are a lot worse things than words out there that will hurt me if I’m not careful.

I met Jonathon through one of those networking things they did that hooked up parents with challenged kids with other parents going through the same thing. A support group they called it. I was the only GWB that lived passed infancy in my corner of the state and the other GWBs in the rest of the state all had mental challenges of some sort in addition to any physical challenges. My parents wanted me to meet other GWBs that were “normal” if any of us could be called that. I actually liked the other GWBs nearest me but I was always afraid of breaking them or scaring them. I tend to scare people without meaning to and when I was little I didn’t understand that I was strong enough that I could really hurt people when I was careless and just being a kid.

My home is in the south, on a farm, which pretty much made my life even easier. I fit in there if nowhere else and the animals sure didn’t care if I was different and I was a big help to Dad who ran the family co-op. Dad figured I was the way I was for a reason and he was willing to wait for that reason to come to light. I wasn’t as patient but I learned chores were as good a way as any to tire my body out enough that I didn’t think about how different I was all the time. Lucky for me it turned out I was good at farm work whether it was something Dad gave me to do or chores Mom thought I should be doing to remind me who and what I was.

Jonathon lived on the West Coast way up in Washington State. For obvious reasons I fascinated Jonathon’s parents and since they were wealthy and kind of didn’t have too many responsibilities other than to look pretty and play sports they could travel a lot more than my parents did. Their family … all of them were kinda on the wealthy side though I didn’t know how wealthy until after I had grown up a bit … took the pharmaceutical company to court and won a bunch of money they put into a trust for all of the GWBs. The Trust would sponsor camps over the summer so that the GWBs and their parents could get together and pretend we were normal for a little while. It wasn’t as bad as I guess I’m making it sound, I’m just kind of cynical by nature and have a hard time seeing beyond how selfish and stupid people can really be in this life.

See, Jonathon’s family needed a reason for him to be so different, something and someone to blame that they could attack on a regular basis so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the real issues that kept him from being incorporated into their family better. He didn’t have it near as good as me even though his parents were rich and powerful. I told that to my parents and it made my mom cry which made me feel bad but my dad, he understood.

After mom had gone to dry her eyes and get some dinner going Dad pulled me aside and said, “Rocky, you are going to need that insight and tough hide of yours to get through life. It isn’t your fault that you are different but it is your responsibility to learn to live with it. On the other hand, you’ll find it isn’t always a blessing to see the truth of things … and people. And if you don’t watch it you’ll make yourself so hard that cynical is all you’ll be left knowing and that would be a shame because there are some real good things and people in this world God gave us.”

And that’s why they let Jonathon and I get teamed up so much even though they weren’t particularly what you would call fond of his family. Despite all of it Jonathon could see the good stuff. While his parents thought I’d toughen Jonathon up, my parents thought that Jonathon would be a good way to soften me up.

People used to call us Mutt and Jeff. If you looked at us we had absolutely nothing in common. Him small, me big. Him pale, me dark. Him weak, me strong. What people didn’t see is that we both counted books better friends than people but neither one of us let that get out much. It freaked people out too much to find out we had good brains underneath our challenges. For some reason it made them feel bad and for all my cynicism I didn’t like to make people feel bad. Jonathon said that when they could pretend our brains didn’t work so well they could pretend we really didn’t understand what was wrong with us. “For them to accept that we are at least as smart as they are would make them feel guilty. Sort of like survivor’s guilt only about being ‘normal’ while we are different.”

I told him that had to be the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. It wasn’t their fault we were like we were … unless they supported the Green War that still was going on. The only thing they had to be responsible for was how they treated us now which was kind of annoying and embarrassing.

I remember him telling me, “Well, being dumb doesn’t change it from being the truth. Most people are like sheep. They know what they know and that’s all they want to know. Being responsible means they have to think. And thinking about stuff makes them uncomfortable so they avoid doing it. They’d rather believe in an easy lie than deal with hard truths.”

I will say one thing for Jonathon’s family … no, make that two … even if they didn’t understand him they did care enough to make sure he had everything he needed to get through life – the best doctors, the best education, the best therapeutic equipment, the best of everything. It might have been guilt driving his parents to do it, but they never hesitated to see he had it. They also introduced me to football.

In football I finally found something that I could do that made me feel good about my strength. On the football field everyone was there to play and get knocked around. If you banged into someone, accident or not, they weren’t going to accuse you of being too big, slow, or stupid to be allowed. And the game isn’t just about moving a ball up and down a field either. People look at a lot of football players and think they are dumb but the good ones aren’t … and the really good ones really aren’t. It is a little bit like chess. You are making plays one at a time but with each of those plays you are trying to position yourself for another play so you have to keep several moves ahead of what is actually going on on the field. There is strategy to football that a lot of people don’t give it credit for having. It isn’t just your feet and hands that have to be nimble; your brain has to be nimble too.

Big problem. Big, big problem. It took a long time to get people to take me seriously about wanting to play and it wasn’t until eighth grade that I finally got a chance to play with the big boys. They kept sticking me on these flag football teams where I spent as much time trying not to hurt the players as I did in trying not to outplay them so badly that the game wasn’t fun for any of us.

It wasn’t that I was a GWB although they tried to blame that in part. A doctor’s note … several of them in fact … took that excuse away. It wasn’t my size because by the time eighth grade rolled around some of the boys at least were as big as I was. Some people might have said it was my last name. Even the coaches had trouble spelling Charbonneau … some of them had trouble saying it too. My family was descended from a misplaced Cajun that had fallen in love with a farmer’s only daughter. He had rescued her from kidnappers that had transported her far beyond her family’s reach … or at least that is what family lore says. That was back before the Civil War so who knows for sure. But be that as it may we lived in a town of Smiths, Jones, and Jacksons that were suspicious of us even though my family had owned our farm before most of their ancestors had even migrated to the area during the colonial period. We were backwoods people from when the trees were still so thick you could barely walk between them and we were still pretty much backwoods people; the world had changed but us not so much.

Nope, it was my first name that caused most of the problems. The coach got so desperate he even called in his wife and sister to deal with it. We shared the same deep southern drawl but they played it for all it was worth where as I had always tried to reign mine in because it didn’t go with my body. “But Rocky … Shuga … it just isn’t done.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well … Honey … look at you.”

Trying not to mess up this last chance I said, “I am looking. I’ve looked at me in the mirror my whole life. I know what I am.”

“Don’t you think … well … football … it’s so rough … and dirty. What is that going to do to your reputation?”

“What reputation would that be? Daddy and Momma would skin me alive if they thought I was out to get a reputation.” I could be an imp when I wanted to. It wasn’t just my body that was outsized, my mouth tended to run that direction too.

“Hmmmm,” was the only response I got.

In the end I talked them around into supporting me having one … but only one … chance to prove myself. And boy did I prove myself. I thought the highschool coach that had been watching that practice was going to wet himself in glee … until I took my helmet off and he nearly swallowed his teeth.

The middle school football coach was more laconic having known who I was the whole time. He turned to Coach Jones and said, “Dan, good to see you. I see you’ve met Rocky before. Rocky, the gentleman beside him is Mr. Jackson from the school board. Mr. Jackson allow me to introduce you to my new defensive tackle, Rochelle Charbonneau, but everyone just calls her Rocky.”
 

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 2

At first it was harder for Coach to deal with me being a girl than it was for the guys I played with. All I needed to do was tackle the guys a couple of times and they learned real fast that I might be a girl but I was a girl who would hurt them if they underestimated me. In the end Coach wound up using me on the varsity team because the JV boys didn’t seem to want to play with me after a while. I also noticed that Coach had to hide behind his sunglasses and clip board the first few times we scrimmaged. I worried that maybe I was doing something wrong but Dad laughed and said, “No honey. Just keep on doing what you’re doing.” So I did … and I loved it.

I can’t explain the freedom that I experienced for the first time in my life. I was around people I didn’t have to be so flaming careful with. On the field and during a game it was like I had been let out of prison. I could use my full strength and know for certain that the other guy was going to as well … well, at least he would if he wasn’t stupid and wanting to eat turf salad.

As I got older I understood … and some of it was with Jonathon’s help who was a spectator of life more than a player in it … that it wasn’t the aggression and the release of it that I craved so much as the inclusion in something that was … that was … I guess that put me in a group that was also set apart, but because people admired them. And early on that is all I saw and all I felt. Eventually though I heard the adults whisper … steroids, freak of nature, and things that were a lot ruder still. The only time that I let it bother me, because I knew the truth, was when they tried to rag on my parents. I almost gave the sport up because I couldn’t stand what they were saying.

But of all the people in the world I didn’t expect to tell me to keep playing, it was my mother who almost forbid me to quit. “Rocky, I don’t particularly like you playing football and you know it. You scare me to death when you are out there; you play so hard. But I also won’t let anyone tell my little girl what she can and what she cannot do. Even I have to admit you are good and if this is something that God is going to use in your life, or just let you have for a time in your life, I won’t stand in the way of it. I don’t want you to ever let ignorant people stop you from doing something you feel called to do.”

That was a little heavier than I’d ever thought about. I don’t know if I felt called to play football, it was just a game and I loved playing. Giving up the game wouldn’t hurt me so much as it was giving into the people who tried to stop me from playing that would.

My freshman year our team went to the play offs. They tried to keep me from playing and I had to do all of this drug testing and stuff. It was the first time I’d really heard the term hermaphrodite used in something other than mythology. They were a bunch of idiots. I am a girl … I am all girl … I just happen to be a big girl … I never have understood why some people get so freaked out by that. I found out that Jonathon’s family put some pressure where it would hurt and threatened some lawsuits. I was so mad that I nearly quit again because of that but Jonathon talked me out of it. Apparently he saw me playing as some kind of win for all GWBs. When I found out some of the other kids saw it the same way I shut up. I didn’t want them to let me play because I was a GWB and was owed something. I wanted to play because I could and because it was the fair thing to do.

Finally that controversy was over and things settled down and after the first game people stopped yapping so much. After the second playoff game they shut up all together. Coaches on the other teams would put their biggest guys up against me and at varsity level they were easily twice my size. But size doesn’t count for everything. I got clocked pretty hard a few times but I never cried and just got up, spit the grass out of my mouth, and kept playing without complaint. If a better player had taken me I told people that it was just the opportunity to learn how to make me a better player. If a poorer player had taken me down then I deserved it and vowed not to let it happen again.

We were practicing for the third game in the playoff and the coach could see my game was off. An article in the newspaper had said some pretty raunchy things – all veiled in scientific terms of course – that had been so nasty people had tried to hide the paper from me but there was no chance of that because it got carried nationally. Some ignoramuses that called themselves “journalists” even tried to interview me but I blew them off as it was all just none of their business and my family didn’t need the grief they were trying to create. I felt under a microscope like that chick from African must have that had tried for the Olympics.

Coach put up with it for maybe two seconds into practice before he’d had enough of my performance. When he called me on it, in front of God and everybody I blew a gasket and told them why I was angry. “People are so stupid! For some reason it seems a bigger deal that I’m playing a straight game and not crying to mommy when I get a bruise than the rest of the guys who are doing the doggone same thing! Why won’t they just leave us alone and let us play?! They aren’t nothing but a bunch of busy bodies that have forgotten how to wear their big girl panties. I swear, the adults whine and complain lots more than we do!” Then I went off in a sing song voice while swishing my hips to the other side after every sentence, “It’s not fair. She’s a girl. She’ll distract our sons.” Then I went back to my normal voice and posture and railed, “If their sons are too stupid to pay attention to the game then they deserve to lose. It ain’t like I got a lot to show off and even if I did I sure wouldn’t be showing it off to … to …” I’d finally caught a hold of my mouth and realized who I was talking to. “… well, I sure wouldn’t be showing it off to idiots like that,” I ended a lot more quietly, and a lot more embarrassed, than I had started.

“Are we through throwing our tantrum Charbonneau?” At my nod he continued. “Good.” I flinched, waiting for the blast. You just didn’t trust coach when he sounded all polite and stuff like that. “Now listen up ladies … your pardon Charbonneau …,” I caught a couple of the guys trying to hide a grin and my eyes promised them pain during the next tackle drill. “This is exactly what those people want. They want to distract you. They want to take away your self confidence. You earned your way here but the works not over. You want the state championship then you are going to have to keep working, keep driving … and stop listening to idiots that have more time on their hands than sense!” He ended on a voice bigger than I could ever hope to get mine to be … ever. Coach could make a drill instructor shrivel up in envy. “Charbonneau, you are going to run laps until I say stop and then you are going to drop and give me fifty. I catch anyone else thinking they can mouth off on my field they’ll be joining the queen here. Got it?!” I never could decide whether I loved that man or hated him.

We didn’t win state that year but we came close. We got closer the year after that. My junior year we destroyed everything in our path, took state, and was in the running for high school national champions. We didn’t get the title but the fact that our dinky little school from the middle of nowhere was ever in the running in the first place was an honor in and of itself. Then things changed.

Someone got to the people at the state level who made the rules. They couldn’t penalize me for being a girl, oh no, not if they didn’t want every libber in the world bearing down on them and burning them on a pyre of made of cast iron bras. They were also trying to avoid getting hung up in the courts over discrimination for like years and years. No they pulled the one card there was no way for me to fight against … insurance.

There’d been several deaths over the last couple of years, and more than a few serious injuries, of high school sports players that probably shouldn’t have been playing if they’d really been given a thorough physical. And some of the deaths had nothing to do with playing and everything to do with what the players did off the field. Some of the injuries on the field were just … well, you play hard you get hurt and sometimes accidents happen … and sometimes really bad accidents happen. Insurance for schools with sports programs was a huge deal. I won’t bother going into all of the crud of it but basically I was deemed too high risk because I was a GWB. Oh no, of course it wasn’t that I was a girl, it was that the sport was so … well … dangerous and as a GWB I put the whole school’s ability to get insurance at risk. Blah … blah … freaking … blah.

I was sidelined. Coach offered to let me stay on the team but I would be benched and that was probably more than he was supposed to have offered me. But I couldn’t do it. It hurt. A lot. To be that close, to even wear the gear and uniform, but for what? I had noticed the guys were closing ranks, too worried that if they fought for me they’d be losing their own chances. There was never any chance of me playing at college and some of the guys were counting on sports scholarships to help them get in. I’d played with most of them since eighth grade and they were friends … at least on the field. How was I supposed to ask them to give all of that up for one girl when it could make a huge difference on whether they’d even get to go to college or not. My tuition was already taken care of and my grades were good, without sports some of them would never get a chance to do more than dig around trying to survive on minimum wage.

So when I cried it wasn’t where anyone could see me. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, not even my parents. Dad kept talking up how far I’d gone and how proud he was of me. Mom was just so relieved it made me sick, but I loved her so I just accepted it for what it was … the end to her fear that her one and only chickie would get drain bammaged or something. The only person I let see me cry was Jonathon. That was when I found out that I wasn’t just one of the guys to Jonathon but a living, breathing girl … a real girl that he wasn’t exactly averse to having as more than a friend. And wasn’t that something strange to suddenly find out after so many years of friendship.

I spent the summer before and the first half of my senior year with something completely new to occupy what little bit of down time I had. Not that there was much down time. Everywhere I looked there were reminders that my childhood was ending and that adulthood was about to slam me face first into the concrete sidewalk of life. SATs, college applications, senior this and senior that with streamers and confetti to go along with it. Dad was also big into politics so as my eighteenth birthday approached he would talk my ear off about who I should vote for and why and lots of other stuff I tried to be interested in for his sake if not my own.

I did learn things. It seems while I was playing football the world had turned into a dangerous place. The Green War was getting all mixed up with the international movements of the “have’s and have not’s.” It wasn’t just about the environment any more. It wasn’t just about the wee little animals being so much more important than humans ever could be. Some of these people really believed that humans were a disease of the planet and that everything would be better off if we were all eradicated. Now it was about who deserved to live and who didn’t. Who deserved to have any wealth and who didn’t. Who could prove that they were more deserving than everyone else. It was crazy.

Crazier still was that us GWBs were somehow an embarrassment to the Greenies and that we needed to be put down as mistakes that never should have been born in the first place. We were using up resources that should have been reserved for the … you got it, the deserving few.

All of this was going on in the background when it was time for the GWBs annual spring get together. This year it was planned for San Francisco and it was going to be a really big deal. It was always a big deal when we all got together but this was one of the few times we’d done it in a major city because it was usually a logistical nightmare … and expensive. But this year it was special. Those of us who still lived … and we lost a couple every year though the number was smaller every year as we beat the odds against us … were turning eighteen and this was supposed to be like a coming of age extravaganza for us all, both a celebration for those that had made it and a memorial for those that had not.

I’ll never forget that week. It was amazing. On our last night we were having kind of a prom thing I guess you would call it, a formal affair and we all got dressed up. The biggest of my muscles from playing football for so long had softened a bit and I’d had to fight hard not to have it all turn into fat. Jonathon said I looked like an Amazon queen … and he really meant it as a compliment so I took it that way though it embarrassed the heck out of me that he’d said it in front of my parents. My mother smiled like she’d had an answer to prayer and my dad got that “I’m gonna get my shotgun” look that I’d seen on the faces of some of the other girls in school I knew.

I was dressed way more girly than I had ever dressed before. Not just girly but grown up woman kind of girly and I knew my dad wasn’t too comfortable with the amount of skin I was showing. Heck I wasn’t too comfortable with the amount of skin I was showing but when you are 5’10” with legs that were as long as some were tall there was a lot of skin to cover up. We couldn’t find a formal long enough to reach the floor so I had to settle for an “evening frock” from a big and tall store. It managed to pretend that it wanted to cover my knees but it didn’t quite make it. I wanted a longer dress but it seems if they put material into making a dress long they take it away from covering the top part of you. I’m not an easy customer preferring jeans and t-shirts or peasant skirts for Sunday morning church but what the hey … when in Rome and San Francisco was the most decadent and hedonistic place I had ever been. As weird as I felt the one shouldered, dark green and black patterned silk dress passed inspection.

I’d even let my mom talk me into doing something with my hair besides the one thick braid down my back that I normally left it in. It was the one girly thing that I’d never changed about myself even when I was a football player. Short hair would have been a pain to deal with under the helmet and despite it all I did want people to remember I was a girl. I would have looked like a dork with a pixie cut so I just braided the hair and used my pads to keep it under my jersey so no one could “accidentally” grab it.

I actually liked how I looked when it was all said and done but I was going to regret the get up and hair style before the night was over. And the shoes. Oh yeah, piling my feet into the size nine spikes was definitely a pain … it turned into a torture later.

Every time that night I’d tried to go to the ladies room there had been a line and after a while I was pretty desperate. I told my parents where I was going and my mother rolled her eyes and said good luck. Dad said be careful which was a kind of private joke between us because it would take a pretty hefty person to do me much harm. Some of my muscles weren’t quite a big as they used to be but that didn’t mean that I was some helpless pixie; I could still throw a bale of hay harder and further than many grown men. Those are the last words I had with my parents.

I asked the hotel concierge where a less … uh hmmm … busy ladies’ powder room was and she smiled sympathetically and told me where it was located the floor above. I found it and finally was able to stop bouncing around nervously. Thankfully I was the only one there. I wasn’t too eager to go back to the crowded hall and was doubly thankful I wasn’t out in the hall when I heard what I thought was another rowdy party going on in the banquet all on this floor.

I was finally gearing myself to head back – and probably get an earful from my dad for taking so long – when the bathroom door flew open. Jonathon stood there with fear written all over his face, but he didn’t stand there long. He catapulted into me and the stupid heels I was wearing didn’t let me catch myself before we were both going down.

Anyone else I would probably decked and had off of me in less than a second but this was Jonathon. I was considering whether I should give him the benefit of the doubt or kill him fast or slow when I realized he was trying to cover me with his own body. And then there was a rumble I still have nightmares about.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 3

When the rumbling stopped the power was off and the emergency lights weren’t coming on either. I couldn’t see anything. It was dark as the inside of black cat. “Jonathon?!”

“Shhh!” he whispered frantically into my nose though I think he meant it to be my ear. “They might hear you!”

I’d had enough. No way at this late date was I going to play the shrinking violet type, not to mention I couldn’t have pulled it off with the help of the best CG artist in the business. I sat up and Jonathon practically rolled off of me. Nana had been right, he was a late bloomer but he’d definitely started blooming. It had really shocked me when I had seen him for the first time since Thanksgiving break; he’d come to the farm while the rest of his family went to the Bahamas. Then he was still the boy I had known my whole life; now he had a mustache … well, not a real mustache of course but the dark fuzz that some guys get as their body hair starts to get coarse. And he was taller, much taller; he was only two inches shorter than me. But I still outweighed him and I could have hurt him bad if I hadn’t reigned in my strength. Jonathon had the bones and build of a starving artist or poet … with the “soulful eyes” to complete the looks. A lot of girls had finally started to notice him and I didn’t know whether to be happy for him or jealous. I had to resort to teasing him to cover my own discomfort but he merely looked at me with those peculiar pale and intent eyes of his and said, “None of them matter like you do.”

I was way flattered by that but the depth of his feelings worried me because I knew I wasn’t ready to return them … or whether I ever would. But that’s not what I was thinking at that moment. I wanted to know what was happening and I wanted my parents, not necessarily in that order.

I felt him grab for me in the dark and I jumped as his hand went some place where it shouldn’t. “Jonathon,” I threatened warningly.

“Sorry,” he muttered though it didn’t sound especially like he was. “Stop going all Boudicca, there is a time to fight and a time to flee and right now we need to get our cans out of here before they find us.”

I swatted at him with my dinky little clutch purse and whispered back at him, “Let me guess, Boudicca is one of those crazy female warriors you keep trying to compare me to. Well, knock it off. That kind of stuff isn’t … you know … appropriate. And I’m not fleeing until I find my parents. They are probably worried sick. I …”

“Rocky …,” he said and I didn’t like the tone of his voice at all. It told me fear wasn’t the only thing I had to fear.

“Shut up. I’m going to …”

Only years of habit stopped me from pushing him away hard when he got too close. I would have hurt him which would have been totally counterproductive. “Rocky … I’m … I’m sorry. They gassed the room. Nobody got out. When you didn’t come back your dad sent me to look for you. Right as I was going up the stairs … the elevators were all busy … these guys ran in with guns and gas masks on. I stayed only long enough to … to … People started going crazy when they figured out what was going on and then those men came out and started throwing what looked like grenades only they made loud bangs and smoke instead of fire. That’s when I ran up here to look for you and to stay away from the smoke. They were starting to …”

Then there was another explosion, only this one came from above us rattling the ceiling tiles. “What are they doing?!” I still hadn’t dealt with what he had told me and wouldn’t for a while yet.

“Sounds like they are hitting the rest of the banquet halls in the convention center now that their main target has been taken out; there were a bunch of political groups and some other professional associations having banquets here this weekend. The only reason that my parents were able to have the ground floor ball room was because they booked it last spring.”

That reminded me of his parents and when I tried to find him in the dark I brushed against his face with my bare hand and it was wet. I didn’t say anything; neither did he. I’d never bashed him for being “sensitive” and he’d never made fun of me for being … whatever it was that I was. It was like an unspoken law of our friendship. But the wetness let me know that his parents had probably suffered the same fate as mine. They liked the limelight; they never would have left the party, not while it was in full swing.

I told myself, “Think about it later.” Then I turned where I imagined Jonathon still sat and asked, “You got a plan or do we come up with one together?”

“We can’t go down, the gas or poison or whatever was escaping from the room as I was heading up the stair well and the hotel employees were starting to fall over. That means going up.”

Then I smelled smoke. Jonathon immediately started to wheeze, his asthma kicking in big time. I knew how bad it could get for him so up it was, as fast as we could. It also meant that I would need to help him because if he started having a bad attack he wouldn’t be getting anywhere under his own steam. I nearly broke my neck getting up and wanted to curse the stupid shoes I was wearing. Not only did they make me top six feet but pinched like a son of a gun. I put my hands on the door worrying that there was fire just outside but it was cool to the touch. I cracked the door open but could see nothing.

Cough. Wheeze. “Left …” Wheeze. Gasp. “Left … end …” Then I heard a couple of puffs which meant he still had his emergency inhaler.

“Don’t try to talk, just tap and nudge. Remember Tuckaleechee Caverns?”

I felt him nod, remembering how the panic of a power outage had set off one of the worst asthma attacks I’d ever seen him have way back in grade school. Jonathon had an uncanny sense of direction, even in the dark two hundred feet down, and he was able to get us back to the main stairwell but only by nudging me and letting me bellow out to people when they started going the wrong direction.

So by his tapping and nudging we made it to what felt like a door with a metal push bar across it. The metal wasn’t hot so I pushed through and found we were in a stairwell, but not the neat and decorated ones normally used by guests, this one felt like it was all cold stone and concrete. I made Jonathon sit down and lean against the wall. I tried going up but after only one flight of stairs the smoke was considerably worse and even I started coughing. I knew there was no way that Jonathon was going to make it that direction, not to mention that I didn’t want to go up only to get caught in a fire. I had watched the Towering Inferno on Netflix too many times to count. One of our favorite things was to watch disaster movies and laugh at the stupid things people did in them.

So I went down a flight after checking on Jonathon who was still wheezing and beginning to shake which he always did after a double puff from his inhaler. I took it slow, only a few steps at a time but I got to the landing with no problems and then realized where we were because I had gotten lost there on our original tour of the place. My family and I were staying in a different hotel several blocks away because even with the discount for our group we couldn’t afford the rates in that part of town.

The door was the entrance from the employee parking level; I smelled that weird smell of car exhaust, fuel, and rubber that kind of hangs around enclosed parking garages. I experienced a bit of relief because I knew how to get us out of the building. I ran back up only to find that Jonathon had slumped over. There wasn’t time to play nice. I kicked off the torture devices I was wearing on my feet and stuck them in his coat pockets along with my purse, then picked him up in a fireman’s carry over my shoulder. “Man, don’t you dare puke on me. That’s the last thing we need right now.”

Going down in the dark one step at a time was hard but I couldn’t afford to take a tumble; one of us would surely break something on the bare concrete stairs. I pushed through the glass door and was nearly run over by a car speeding away.

“Down!”

Oh I put him down all right. I recognized the signs. I had to hold him up while he puked but luckily there was a handy trashcan and we didn’t have to deal with backsplash.

“You through?”

He wheezed a couple of times and then whispered, “Yeah.”

“Street level is up this way. Can you walk or …?”

“I’ll walk,” he snapped. He got a little cranky which I didn’t blame him for. I don’t care if someone is your best friend your whole life, having to have them carry you and hold you while you puke is embarrassing for a guy; the fact that your best friend is a girl only makes it worse.

I put my shoes back on because there was no way I was going to put my bare feet on ground around here. There were a lot of homeless people and other stuff I’d never seen back home piled up all over the city.

It was only slightly less dark outside but already we could hear sirens all over the city. “Jonathon, has the world gone crazy or what?! Where are the fire fighters, where are …? I have to go back in, my parents could still be …”

And for the first and only time Jonathon tried to hit me with a slap. I know he thought I was getting hysterical or something but I wasn’t, I really wasn’t no matter what it might have looked like. It surprised me so much I stopped dragging him back into the building.

“Listen to me Rocky. Your parents … my family … they’re gone. I don’t know what is going on, not yet, but we need to get some place where I can figure it out. And we definitely need to get out of here. They targeted us for some reason … us … the GWBs. Maybe it is the Greenies doing this. Maybe it is someone else using their cover. But we’ve got to get out of here. You … you kind of stand out. And you’ve been in the papers and stuff like that. I might be able to pass but no way are … you know …”

No kidding. I decided just like with everything else I’d cry about my parents when no one else could see me and then put my mad on. “Fine. We have to get out of here, at least for now. Where’s your jeep?”

About that time a couple of drunks came out of the darkness and grabbed my arms. “Hey pretty … whoa … not so little lady? Got time for a sailor … or two?” the first one snickered.

I’d had it. I am not a violent person by nature despite my size. However, any female in their right mind doesn’t like strange drunk guys putting their hands where they haven’t been invited to put them.

Wham! I gut punched the talker sending him to his knees the other guy started backing away dragging his friend backwards and saying, “Told you it had to be a dude. Real women ain’t built like that.”

Jonathon turned weird and despite everything that was going on I almost smiled at the look he had on his face like he was about to take both of them on at once. I told him, “Forget it. They’re idiots and I think they’ve learned their lesson. Let’s just get to your jeep.”

Like with everything else Jonathon’s parents had bought him a car as soon as he was old enough to learn to start driving. When he actually got his license they offered to get him something else but he insisted on keeping the Jeep Gladiator; not to mention he’d tricked it out special and had all of the gremlins out of it by that point.

“Parking garage … across the street,” he grumbled.

“Fine. Let’s go. Wait, you’ve got your keys right?”

“Valet will have them of course,” he said while he held his arm out to me like he was some kind of gentleman or something.

“Of course,” I said while trying not to get irritated. Normally how wealthy Jonathon’s family was didn’t phase me, nor did his rich manners, but for some reason the whole casual mention of the valet thing hit me the wrong way. I barely gave him a chance to keep up. He was trotting and starting to wheeze while I just kept up with my ground eating stride.

When we got to the garage there was no valet in sight. Great.

“Uh … Rocky?” I turned to see Jonathon looking at something on the ground on the other side of the booth. I turned his “uh” into an “ugh.” A couple of uniformed working stiffs, no pun intended, lay dead from gunshots to their heads. Whatever was going on the fewer witnesses the better apparently.

I wrenched open the booth door – if you have the strength you might as well use it when you need it – and asked Jonathon what his key ring looked like. He looked around me and grabbed a set of keys off a hook that told us where the car was supposed to be parked. It was up several floors and Jonathon didn’t look like he was ready for any more stairs.

“Look, you stay here and figure out how to make sure those sharp things don’t spring up and kill your tires. I’ll drive the jeep down.”

I could see he wanted to object but Jonathon had a practical side as well and didn’t say a word as I toddled to the stair well and started to climb. I swore up and down that as soon as I got my boots back on they’d never leave my feet again. I didn’t have any trouble finding the car or getting it down to Jonathon who had done his job with the tire strips, and we escaped. Even though it was his vehicle I drove and he navigated since he was still pretty green around the gills.

When I realized where we were going I asked, “Our hotel? Why?”

He gave me a look. “Your stuff is there.”

Ooops. I told myself, “Rocky, find your brain girl. No way do you want to be caught in any kind of scrimmage wearing spiked heels and a short silk dress. You’re not exactly a common size down at Ye Ole Wallyworld.”

Suddenly I had to slam on the brakes and the jeep stalled as people started swarming into the street. “What the …?!” Good thing we were wearing our seatbelts or the way our luck was going we’d been thrown through the windshield. Driving in SF bit rancid boogers. I’d been driving tractors for a lot longer than the law allowed, and could even do a decent job on sharp inclines but the streets of San Francisco were absolutely beyond anything that I’d had to deal with on back top.

“You want me to drive?” Jonathon asked in a dry voice.

I gave him a nasty look in return and asked, “You want to walk?”

Our tiff was over as fast as it started. We never could stay mad at each other. And we both were old enough to know that most of the problem was that we were in shock over how bad things were going.

I told Jonathon, “All we need now is an earthquake.”

“Shut … up,” he replied in dead seriousness. “Something else it going on over there,” he said pointing to where the people seemed to be coming from and the distant sound of gunfire reached our ears. “Rocky, you see that road in front of us? It’s a field full of people that want to keep you from getting to the quarterback. Your hotel is the quarterback. Go get him.”

I nearly called him a dork but he was also right even if he was treating me like a dumb jock … dumb jockette I mean … that just needed a little motivation. I almost made it without hurting anyone but then some crazy guy in a panic jumped out in front of us and I clipped him with the bumper sending him backwards into a FedEx mail box. I didn’t stop. I consoled myself with the fact that I had at least been able to avoid running over his legs where they stuck out into the street.

We finally got to the hotel, normally within walking distance of where the dinner had been held but it took three times as long to get there. I nearly jumped the curb trying to parallel park too fast and then we ran into the lobby. Nobody paid us any attention; all eyes were glued to the TV behind the check in desk. We made it to the room I shared with my parents without further incident and when I saw their stuff is when I almost lost it again.

“Rocky?” I heard him ask.

“Don’t. Not right now. No feelings. No sympathy. No compassion. Not if I expect to be able to stay in the game and play.” I shook myself like a dog and told him, “Turn on the idiot box and try and get some idea of what is going on while I change.”

I dumped my luggage open on the nearest bed and grabbed what I needed out of it and headed to the closet sized bathroom for a little privacy. The dress wasn’t too bad but the shoes were toast which didn’t hurt my feelings any at all. It was all rented finery so it wasn’t my problem, they could keep the deposit and I’d leave it all here for them to collect if they had a mind to. After taking off my mother’s jewelry which I carefully placed in the bag of toiletries I carried I slammed into my jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel shirt after putting on more respectable under things than the frou-frou I had been forced to wear under the silk dress. My sports bra was a heck of a lot more comfortable than the strapless wonder I had been wearing that always left me feeling like it wouldn’t be there when I needed it to be.

Thick socks and farm boots completed my ensemble and then I left the room to get to a mirror and do something with my hair. I took one look in the mirror and nearly started crying again. The careful make up my mother had helped me to apply was smeared all over my face and I looked like a clown in drag. I scrubbed what I could get rid of and then tackled my hair which was a sticky, stiff nightmare. My mother had used a whole tube of gel and two bottles of hair spray to get my “do” to stay where it was supposed to but not even concrete could have kept it in place during our escape. I’d first wrecked it up when Jonathon had knocked me to the floor in the bathroom and then sent it the rest of the way to Hades when I had carried him down the stairs. I know there was still some of my hair stuck in the buttons of his shirt.

All the while Jonathon kept up a nervous commentary letting me know what he’d found out. Seems it was the Greenies like he had thought but somehow or other they had formed some kind of alliance with the nutty Twelvers sect within the Shia brand of Islam that had control of a good slice of the Middle East. The Twelvers believed that if they killed hundreds of millions of people that it would precipitate the coming of their messiah who they call the Twelfth Imam. The Greenies believed that humans in general were a disease on the planet and wanted to get rid of hundreds of millions bring about their own brand of utopia. Great, two of the biggest bunch of nut cases in the world had gotten together and started to breed.

“I’ve got an idea where to go.”

I looked at him and asked, “Yeah, to the police and tell them what we saw and make the suckers pay that hurt our families.”

“No. We don’t know who we can trust. They might separate us.”

“We aren’t kids anymore, we’re eighteen. We might be orphans but the courts can’t do that, not even here in California.”

“Exactly. We aren’t kids. They might put us some place as material witnesses or to protect us or something like that and not have to follow the same rules they have to with kids. You’re supposed to be the cynical one here, what’s the worst case scenario?”

It didn’t take me more than a second to decide. “Check. Idiots are ruling the world right now. Treat them all as rabid animals until they can prove themselves otherwise. So what’s your idea?”

“Nana. She won’t ask questions and you know she’ll do everything she can for us.”

Right. I called her Nana just like Jonathon but she was actually the widow of Herringford Justinian Marshall Jr. and some kind of kin to half of the old money in this country but didn’t act like it in the least. Even my parents liked her though she was a bit of an eccentric. Of course she could afford to be eccentric but that was beside the point … eccentric was what we needed and she had it, in plenty.

The problem was that she lived in this place called The Dalles in Oregon. “Rocky, we don’t have a lot of time. Grab what you want to take while I clean out your parents’ food stash. We’ll need it ‘cause I don’t want to stop until we get to Nana’s.”

My mother was a neat freak so it didn’t take long for me to grab what I thought would be useful. I also scribbled a note despite believing Jonathon. There was a small chance … it was all that I left myself. I didn’t say where we were going just that I was with my best friend and why I had left. They were either in a place where they already knew or they’d understand, either way I’d covered the bases the best I could.

I grabbed my mom’s big hair and makeup kit and dumped it out – the thing was the size of a piece of carry-on luggage – and then tossed it at Jonathon so he could put the food from the mini frig and bar into it. I tossed my clothes back into my duffel bag, grabbed my back pack and then remembered the safe in the closet. I quickly got into it and took out the remaining money and valuables in there, including the digital cameras.

I stood up and got a couple of folded towels in the face. “Better stuff these in there too in case we need them. I’ll grab a blanket and a couple of pillows.”

“That’s stealing!”

Jonathon rolled his eyes. “Geez Rocky! The world is falling down around our ears and you’re worried about paying the bills.” When I gave him the evil eye he muttered, “Fine. I’ll cover it if we get stopped all right? Now will you come on already.”

No one stopped us. No one cared. There were a ton of people rushing around all over the place like chickens with their heads cut off and the hotel staff had their hands full with people screaming at them wanting to know what they were going to do about everything. And Jonathon thought I was being stupid.

We shoved everything in behind the seats and took off but it was slow going until we got to Mission Street. A right and a left got us onto I80 and heading towards Oakland. I heard Jonathon muttering and praying as he told me to bust the speed limit and get us out of there before things really blew up.

It took us an hour to I505 and then about half that time again to get onto I5 where we stayed until the sun came up. We’d made good time out of San Francisco but as people woke up to what was going on the roads went crazy. We outdistanced the worst of it by using the medians and other places that made the Gladiator worth its weight in gold. I also stopped being so flaming nice to people, it turned into a flight to survival and I was playing to win.

But by our exit to US97 I was strung out and Jonathon, who’d managed a little sleep, had to take over. Turns out he is a pretty good driver and knew just what to do to make the Gladiator do what he wanted it to. “Reach under the seat. You feel that compartment?”

“Yeah.”

“Put my birthday into the punch button codes.”

I heard a snap and pulled out … “Are … you … nuts?!!” I was holding a padded bag that contained two very expensive and very deadly looking hand guns. “Not even saying what would have happened to you in a place like California for having these things concealed like that but your parents … man, do you have a death wish or something?! I’ve heard your mom on a tear about all of the guns in this country. She nearly fainted when she found out I went out shooting with Dad every chance I got.”

“Don’t be stupid Rocky. Who do you think bought the guns for me? You know how my mom is … was,” he corrected himself. “The rules are for other people, not us.” After another sigh he said, “We aren’t the Kennedy’s but my family isn’t exactly bashful about some of the things they get into. My uncle does all of those high profile court cases too and my aunt is running for office again. Kidnappers love to threaten the kids of rich people. It’s SOP these days. Body guards aren’t just fashion accessories and this was the only way I could get my parents off my back.” After pulling out of the way of someone who was driving over a hundred MPH and weaving all over the road he continued, “Besides I thought you liked hunting and stuff like that.”

“I do … hunting for food, target practice, that sort of thing. These are for … they’re for killing people.”

“No kidding.”

I had to look over at him to see if this was the same Jonathon that I had always known.

“I’m done being a target Rocky. I’m done being kicked around by the bigger kids. I’ve been done with it for a while. You never had to deal with that.”

Miffed I retorted, “Oh no, I only had to put up with people thinking and acting like I would grind their bones to make my bread. You weren’t always around when adults would jerk their kids back away from me like I was contagious or was some kind of monster.”

He put his hand on my knee to comfort me I guess but I brushed it off and told him, “Keep your hands on the wheels … where I can see them at all times.”

That made him grin; the blush covering my face when he glanced over made him grin bigger. Geesh, why did it always have to come down to guys being guys? I’d never really expected to have to have these kinds of problems and was at a loss as to what to do but Jonathon apparently felt like he’d made his point and turned all of his attention back to the road as we listened to the radio tell us what a nightmare the world was descending into and while I fought thinking about my parents.
 

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 4a

We stayed on US97 for around 275 miles. We pulled off and switched drivers again after a quick visit to nature’s restroom … behind a vacant building. We changed drivers, got onto US197 and in just over an hour we were pulling through the gates of Nana’s “country house.” It was supposed to look like a rustic log cabin and for the most part did from the outside but once inside whoa buddy, there wasn’t a thing rustic about it.

I was remembering the first time I’d been there when Jonathon said, “I hope she’s here. That’s what she said when I talked to her yesterday … I think it was yesterday … but Nana … well … you know.”

I did know but as soon as she heard Jonathon’s voice in the drive she burst out of the house and swallowed us both up whole in the kind of giant and fierce hug only a pint-sized woman can give. Unless you were blind you could tell where Jonathon got his looks from; it wasn’t his fault the rest of his family were big as I was. I stood back while they got through their emotional reunion and then she ushered us into the house.

Things were bad. Really bad. The terrorist attacks in San Francisco were all over the news but the feds weren’t confirming any particular attack or who was affected. Kind of like when an airplane is rumored to have gone down. The family gets in line to wait … and wait … and wait for confirmation of who was actually on the flight and who was not.

“No one came into work today and the few that were here I sent to their homes. I just couldn’t handle their moaning and wailing when I thought I had … had … oh my boy, I’m so …” Nana stopped and got a hold of herself. “I don’t need to tell you that we need to make plans and then find some place safer to be. The entire West Coast is going to be a nightmare. I’ve called my lawyer but she’s running around trying to take care of her own affairs. They’ve grounded all airports so the private jet is out. My driver has disappeared. And this is just the beginning. It doesn’t sound like anywhere is going to be safe from the chaos soon. Now listen up children, I want you to go get some sleep. No sass Jonathon love. I have some things to do and then we’ll sit and have a committee meeting. And do please try and take a shower both of you while the water is still on. Jonathon, you take your room and show Rochelle to the lavender room please.”

At any other time … well, maybe not. You just didn’t tell Nana no. She was a petite woman that looked very fragile and played it to the hilt when it suited her; but, underneath it all she had the heart of a lion and the temperament of a mother bear. Too bad she was more fragile than she was willing to understand.

Going up the stairs I was too tired to even bother looking around. I’d seen it all before and didn’t want to feel more uncomfortable than I already did. “Rocky you gonna be … you know … OK?”

I looked over at Jonathon, my best friend, and lied straight to his face. “Yeah.”

He nodded and lied right back and said, “Yeah, me too.”

After entering the room that I’d used the last time I was here I crawled out of my clothes and into the shower as I had been ordered to do and have been glad I took the time ever since because it was the last time I’ve felt really clean all the way to my skin. It took three hard washings to get all the gunk and sparkly stuff out of my hair and clean the rest of the makeup off my face. When I realized I had also scrubbed the last of my mother’s perfume off I finally had to let myself cry. I’d grabbed my dad’s cologne but had forgotten my mother’s perfume. It was a special fragrance she made up herself and I knew I’d never be able to duplicate it … it was lost to me forever just like they were.

I wasn’t a girly girl; life just hadn’t allowed me to be built like that. I’d never be comfortable drinking tea from a dainty China cup or sitting on a little poof chair with spindly legs. Growing up none of the girl dolls had looked like me so I quickly lost interest in them preferring the outdoors and animals that didn’t leave me feeling so different. But I never denied being a girl, or fought it or anything like that. Even when I was playing football all the time I still did things that showed I was a girl. I wore earrings, usually plain gold hoops. I wore makeup; just it didn’t look like I was wearing makeup because I stuck with natural shades and a light hand. I had long hair; I just didn’t get silly trying to style it into something other than what it wanted to be naturally. I worried about acne, my weight and figure just like the other girls … there was just more of me to worry about.

When I looked in the mirror after accepting that my parents were gone and so was my old life right along with most of the kids like me in the whole world, the eyes that looked back reminded me a whole lot of my grandmother before she had passed away. She’d outlived most of her kids, both her husbands, and a lot of the family in general. She’d learned to live with a lot of pain; I hadn’t really understood what that meant until that moment. I laid down fully dressed figuring I wouldn’t be able to sleep but I was wrong. I don’t know how long I was asleep but it was still light when Nana burst into the room.

“I’m sorry dear but we have to go.” Her words were calm and civilized but her eyes and mannerisms said something was bad wrong. I jumped up and stuffed my feet into my boots and ran out into the hall. Jonathon was coming out of his room as unnerved as I was.

Nana said, “I had hoped to have more time but we don’t. A friend … it doesn’t matter who so don’t bother asking … called me. We need to get out of here … as in now children. Bring your luggage to the kitchen. I took the liberty of moving the jeep around back. We’ll load from that side of the house.”

I went back in the room and grabbed my two bags that were already re-packed due to the habits Mom had instilled in me over the years. I headed to the kitchen and had to stop in the doorway and stare. “Come in dear, don’t dawdle. Help load these boxes into that excellent vehicle of Jonathon’s.” It wasn’t the boxes I was staring at, it was the two mean looking rifles and half dozen hand guns laying on the breakfast table. “Rochelle dear … now.” I heard that thread of steel and broke out of my trance.

I shook myself yet again and grabbed most of the boxes in just a couple of loads. “So helpful,” Nana said admiringly.

Jonathon was the one asking the questions while we loaded. The boxes held food and equipment and went in the back. Maps were loaded in the front as were the guns that were hidden under some sleeping bags and pillows in the rear seats.

“Now will you please tell us what has you so spooked?” I finally asked, exasperated because Jonathon was dancing around it.

“Always so forthright,” Nana said approvingly and a little briskly. “Children I want each of you to put these around your waists and under your clothes. Rochelle you’ll need to adjust yours a little but it should work; your figure is beginning to come in nicely now that you’ve given up football.”

Trying not to be outraged at having her avoid answering me yet again I grabbed what looked like a padded canvas belt that turned out to be surprisingly heavy. Jonathon acted like he knew what they were and at my raised eyebrow he said, “Money belt. Probably has coins in them.” Nana patted his cheek and I knew he’d been right. It wasn’t until was pulling my shirt back down after tying the belt that he thought to add, “Mostly silver but knowing Nana there are probably some gold in there as well.” Good thing I wasn’t a cussing kind of girl or I would have flung off a real string of them right then and there. “Get a grip Rocky,” he said. “SOP in situations like this in case we get separated and need some cash to get us home.”

I just shook my head at them both; it was like realizing my friends were some alien species from a totally different planet. I had a jar of coins at home I was saving to add to my college fund but the only gold my family had ever seen was the 14 carat variety in my mother’s jewelry, most of which I had barely thought to save from the hotel room and the gold tooth my Uncle Joe had been buried with.

I didn’t know what to say. In the end I didn’t need to say anything because Jonathon asked, “Where is it you want to go Nana?”

Suddenly the old woman became all business. “My first goal is to get to Baker City. I have people that have left us some things at a drop point. By my calculations,” she glanced at a paper in her hand. “It will take us nearly four hours at normal speeds and traffic. It is all interstate so I hope that we can accelerate that a little but I’m not counting on it. From there we are going to Boise.”

“In Idaho?” he asked.

“Last time I checked,” she said more impatiently that I had ever heard her before. “There is no time children; use the facilities and let us be gone from here. Rochelle, please drive as I need to discuss a few things with Jonathon.”

I drove. It gave me something to do while Nana and Jonathon discussed family stuff, business, and what his place would be when “the dust settled.” I still didn’t know what had us running like scared rabbits but it didn’t take an Einstein to figure it was something bad. It took every bit of four and a half hours to get to Baker City no matter how crazy I drove. For long stretches I simply whipped into the medians and dodged as many problems as I could. There were no cops to be seen. They were too busy taking care of the chaos that was spreading out from California in the big cities.

We pulled off the interstate and turned down a couple of streets until we got to a storage facility. A code opened the gate and we went down a few rows until we got to one of the smaller storage units. A key card opened the door and out came three duffle bags and several gas cans. We emptied two of the cans into the tanks of the Gladiator and stowed the remainder under the tarp that was over the boxes. Back onto I84 and three hours later we were in Boise, ID and I was so tired that I didn’t know how much longer I could go.

I nudged Jonathon and he had to blink his eyes in the harsh morning light. I whispered, “I need to pull over and wash my face at least.”

A tired sounding voice from the back said, “Yes dear, do pull over and find an open gas station if you can. We’ll wash and use the facilities. Boise did you say?” She sighed. “I had hoped for better time but it obviously cannot be helped. Jonathon, you’ll need to take over, we aren’t far enough away yet.”

“Far enough away for what?!” I asked finally getting upset passed my ability to be polite about it.

“I’ll tell you when I’m sure Rochelle. We must continue on. I want to be as close to our final destination as we can before things implode.”

“Mrs. Marshall,” I said getting formal. “I’ve had too many bad surprises in too short a time. Jonathon and I aren’t kids any more. We deserve to know what is going on … or at least what you think is going on.”

“Take this exit and we’ll fuel up and grab some type of fast food to go. As soon as we get back on the road I will do my best to explain.”

Extremely frustrated but with no other real option I did as she suggested. When I came back out Jonathon had a McDonald’s bag in his hand and was watching his grandmother disappear into a grocery store across the street. “Come on. We’ll drive over there and see what she’s up to.”

Rush hour traffic made it time consuming to get across and when we pulled into the parking lot Nana was pushing a grocery cart out with a few bags in it. I looked in the bags that had been stuffed around my feet and saw the craziest assortment of stuff you could imagine. Vienna sausages, Spam, canned roast beef hash, a couple of bars of butter flavored Crisco, instant rice, bouillon cubes, instant soups, powdered drink mixes, cans of Cheese Whiz, chocolate bars, dried fruit, Fruit roll ups, bags of M-n-M’s and Reece’s Pieces, and several more bags of stuff like that. “What on earth?” I was beginning to be afraid the old lady had lost it.

“Yes, terrible stuff I know but I’m told that it should suit our purposes until we can get where we are going.”

“Told by whom? And you promised to explain,” I said daring her to put me off again.

“Your farm dear.”

That made me sit up. “What?!”

“Oh, please don’t use that loud voice Rochelle. It is distinctly unpleasant and my head is pounding. Yes, your farm. I sent some of my people out to secure the place and to tuck some supplies and a few odds and ends in there for us. It is the only location that currently makes sense.”

Even Jonathon was beginning to give his grandmother the eye as he fought the horrible traffic along I84. “Jonathon, continue along here. I want to get passed Twin Falls. Get off at exit 182; there is a camp ground there where we are expected.”

“Nana …”

She sighed. “I am not going senile though you may wish that I was. How can I say this and make you understand? Due to my deceased husband’s business contacts I’ve stayed current with the state of things in this world. Even still I did not really believe things would come to the pass that they have. I made a few plans but nothing like I should have and now … but … but that cannot be changed at this late date. We always believe that there is sufficient time when there never is. A friend … highly placed in a security company … has been warning me over the last year that something was coming to a head. Jonathon, believe me, I did try and get your parents to listen to this person but in the end they would always go their own way. I’m sorry dear, perhaps if I had tried harder, truly believed myself what my friend was saying things may have turned out differently.”

She composed herself once again before continuing. “The attack in San Francisco was not unexpected but it was far down the list of possible targets and everyone apparently thought it would be later this year before anything critical happened. Obviously ‘everyone’ was wrong. For whatever reason, the time table has been accelerated.”

“The timetable for what?” Jonathon asked.

“It depends on who you are I suppose. The Twelvers will call it jihad to sanctify it. Those green idiots are calling it The Cleansing to justify and rationalize it. Other groups will call it nothing but an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot. I suspect the history books will merely call it the next world war. Now children, please do as I say. Some type of large scale attack is imminent. I’m not sure what it is but it scared my friend badly enough that it came through his voice and he is not a man that scares easily.”

There wasn’t much that could be said to that. Amazingly I did sleep and didn’t wake up until we were bouncing along a road into a place called “Masterson’s Campground.” We were the only ones there it seemed and Nana asked for and received the most private site they offered.

“Rochelle …”

“Nana, please call me Rocky. It’s … it’s just more comfortable right now.”

She looked at me and then patted my hand and said, “All right dear. Now, Jonathon has told me that you go camping with your family quite often so you should know how to set all of this up.”

“You’ve … you’ve never been camping?” I asked beginning to wonder what we were getting into.

“Of course I have. My father had a cabin by the lake for years.”

“Err … that’s not the same as tent camping.”

“Well … you’re never too old to experience something new,” she said too brightly. Oh brother. We were in trouble. Jonathon had only camped twice and one of those had been in our backyard. To keep myself from panicking I looked over the equipment. It was all never-out-of-the-package new but it was good stuff … just too much of it. To make a decent camp you didn’t need a quarter of what she had packed. And thank goodness she’d picked up some of that stuff from the grocery store because the boxes of food was all Heater Meals, Mountain House junk, and exotic stuff I’d never seen or heard of. There was even a case of canned meats … buffalo, elk, rattlesnake, and alligator for pity sake; I closed that one back up real quick not even ready to think about it.

As Jonathon and I set up one of the tents I casually asked if she’d done her own shopping or had someone done it for her. “Oh I did,” she trilled. “It was such a lark at the time. I loved going through the Cabela catalog and all of those others and picking out just everything I thought would be useful.”

I thought to myself, “Lord save us from rich people with credit cards and an internet connection.” I turned to find Nana and Jonathon making a mess of one of the larger camp stoves and told them that I’d do it if they’d clean out the vehicle, put the bedding into the tent, and then go down to the front gate and get us some wood for a fire in case we needed it. They both looked relieved and I fixed the stove so that it would actually work. I started a pot of hot water and then looked over what they’d picked out for us to eat. It was something called a grab-and-go sandwich. There was a box of four of them and the flavor was bacon and cheddar. I felt the acid crawling up my throat.

I’m a big girl with a big appetite with two people that didn’t seem to get that problem. Not to mention I get cranky if I don’t get my complete proteins, but at the same time I have to watch the fat and calories now that I’m not playing football regularly. It takes a lot of fuel to keep me going in proper working order. Luckily my metabolism was normal, some of the GWB kids ran extra hot and some ran extra cold which really complicated their nutritional and health issues. Jonathon’s metabolism ran a little hotter than mine which was why he seemed so skinny all the time and extra thin as he’d been going through a growth spurt.

I put those sandwiches away and pulled out some of the rice and freeze dried pinto beans and threw together a passable pot of red beans and rice. It wasn’t like Momma would have made it but it filled the spaces a heck of a lot better than those sandwiches would have. I fried some Spam to go with it and had a fun time trying hard not to laugh at their expressions when we all sat down to eat. They didn’t complain though and by the end of the meal they seemed pleasantly surprised. Guess who was stuck with the cooking from there on out?

I was running on fumes despite having just eaten but there was clean up to do and that meant teaching them how to do it the right way and how to keep everything locked up where it wouldn’t attract animals. Even a stupid tree rat can do a lot of damage to your food supplies if you leave it where they can get into it, especially if it is in soft sided packaging. I’ve had the little devil’s crawl into my tied shut backpack to simply investigate the possibility that there was something inside that they could eat. You live, you learn … sometimes you learn the hard way.

It was mid-day but I needed sleep. Apparently I wasn’t the only one. Jonathon asked, “Nana, is someone meeting us here or do you have something else in mind? I don’t know about Rocky but I’ve got to get some sleep if we are going to get back on the road soon.”

“I’m waiting on a phone call dear,” she said pointing to the cell phone in her hand. “We’ll wait here at least for the day so that you two children can get some rest. Don’t forget to take your medicine before turning in.”

I turned to look at Jonathon who was embarrassed. I mouthed, “What medicine?”

After we both got into the tent to get some sleep leaving the old lady to her thoughts and her phone calls he told me, “They didn’t like how many inhalers I was going through. They put me on this one-a-day pill that is supposed to help with the asthma.”

“Does it?” I asked curious since I knew what a bane it had always been for him.

“Sorta. Better than no inhaler but not as good as the inhaler is but it doesn’t give me the shakes. I still keep the inhaler for emergencies.”

That made me sit up real quick, “Your inhaler! How much do you have left? Does …”

“Easy Rocky, I always keep spares in the jeep and have my meds doubled up too. Nana already has another order waiting in a couple of different stops along the way in case I need them.”

“Where did your grandmother learn about caching?”

“Learn about what?”

“Caching … storing supplies in different places in case you need them.”

He thought about it a second. “Who knows? Does it really matter? I’ve got to sleep Rocky. You may be an Amazon Queen but … but …,” a big yawn interrupted him. “But I’m not.”

And neither was I despite him insisting on always calling me that. People always liked to rag on me because of my size but to be honest, after they killed the tumor I pretty much stopped growing height wise. I’d just been so much bigger than everyone else my age for so long that the reputation stuck. I was taller than most girls and average size for most guys, the difference was that I also had the bulk that a lot of tall people lacked and that made me seem taller than I actually was. I wasn’t tall and skinny, I was all filled out and because my parents hadn’t wanted me to have the same problem as my aunt I knew how to keep the “broad” part from turning into fat. The rest of the muscles were just … well … my proclivity towards sports and farm work. You didn’t do either without building up layers on your body. In the last year as my body fat had gotten closer to “normal” rather than what a professional athlete would have and I started looking more female as well … less angles and more curves.

I was old enough to deal with the change and start enjoying it too. Which was one of the things that was making me uncomfortable with Jonathon. Our relationship was trying to change and Jonathon was trying to push it that direction faster; I wasn’t sure that I was ready for it yet, but I also wasn’t ready to lose his friendship over it either. I wasn’t ready to do antyhing just to save his ego however so I made sure that his Nana’s sleeping bag was firmly between us and after making sure that he wasn’t trying to push me anymore I finally fell asleep.

I swear sleep has been hard to come by since San Francisco and that day was no exception. I’ve always been a light sleeper and a gasp from Nana outside the tent kicked my protective instincts in faster than I expected them to.

When she saw me out of the tent and looking around aggressively she hiccupped as she attempted to control a sob. “Oh … oh child … What have I gotten you two into? If I had only listened to him a few days sooner we could have all been tucked away and safe and my family would still be …” I didn’t know what was wrong but I went over and sat down beside her on the picnic table after making sure that the threat wasn’t anywhere in the woods around us.

“Nana, what’s wrong?”

“Oh Rochelle … Rocky … I was on the phone with some friends and … oh it was horrible.” She was crying quietly and I didn’t know what to do. I stuck my head back in the tent and roused Jonathon who could sleep through anything and got him up to come help.

What he finally got out of her scared the bejeebers out of us. She’d been on the phone when she’d heard screaming and then the line go down. She finally reached another friend, business associate really, when he delivered the news that nearly every major high population center around the world was experiencing some type of major catastrophe. He wished her luck and then hung up and she had been sitting listening to the news ever since and had finally broken.

Bombs (dirty and clean), dam failures due to sabotage, fires, destruction of water treatment facilities, and the last which was what really shook her up was several places seemed to be experiencing some kind of fast moving infection that was causing people to drop like flies.

Suddenly the word “defense” started ringing in my ears and I told them, “We need to prepare a defensive position. The roads were bad before, they are going to be impossible now. Forget going any further until we have more news of where we can actually travel to safely. Jonathon, start filling all of our empty water containers. The hand pump is behind the tent, then cover the pump with one of those plastic bags from the grocery. I’m going down and getting some more firewood. Nana, help Jonathon please. When I come back we are going to have to secure all of our equipment more carefully. This campground may be empty now but it isn’t far enough off the interstate for people to miss it if they are desperate for a place to park.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 4b

I walked down to the gate and didn’t see the caretaker any place and the gate was already locked for the night. That was actually a good thing in my opinion. It did mean having to hope over the gate to get to the self-serve wood pile but I took every bit of bundled wood they had. It was crappy wood but it was still wood that I wouldn’t have to chop with that pitiful hatchet that didn’t feel much bigger than my dad’s hammer. I borrowed the hand truck to haul all of the wood to our base camp and put it under a green tarp that I then hid even more with some brush that I asked Jonathon to collect. I took the other large forest colored tarp from the supplies and Jonathon and I draped it over the red and grey tent that stood out too much in my opinion. More brush hid the entrance to the pull-thru site. By that time it was dark and getting cold and Nana wasn’t looking too good. Neither was Jonathon but he refused to go in the tent with her while I sat outside listening to the radio for more clues as to what was going on.

“See, you really are a female warrior. Look at you.”

I gave him the squinty eye and told him to knock it off. “I don’t know what I’m doing Jonathon and I know it even if you refuse to see it. Trying to stay out of the way and not get run over until we can put some travel plans together just makes sense.”

“Sure it does but you thought of it first and put action to words before we did.”

“Humph,” I sounded back at him disgusted at his refusal to see what I was saying. “Things are really, really bad out there,” I said pointing out to the world beyond our campsite. “They’re gonna get worse before they get better. And until we find out what this disease is we aren’t going anywhere. They say it hits the lungs hard. With your asthma and Nana’s … what’s that stuff … emphysema she has from being around her husband’s smoking all those years neither one of you can afford to get whatever it is. And that means that even if anyone shows up here, and I have a feeling they might, you two need to stay away from people for a while.”

“You could get it too.”

“Sure I could but I doubt I’d get it quite as fast as you two and … look, any of us can get it but it would be a death sentence for you and Nana to get even a mild case. I’m not chancing it. Better safe than sorry. We are all going to be careful as much as we can. I ain’t gonna risk getting it and giving it to you guys if I can help it.”

“Ain’t isn’t a word,” he said seriously.

“Stuff it Marshall,” I said letting him know that I wasn’t in the mood for him twisting my words and using them against me.

We sat there for a few minutes more but even with a fire going Jonathon got cold and didn’t have any choice but to go get in his sleeping gear. I hadn’t even started to feel the cold yet. Weather never had much of an effect on me one way or the other. I felt it all right but being used to working outside in all weather types I was more impervious to it than they were. Plus I had my flight jacket which pretty much gets me through the worst weather back home as long as I layer it.

Thinking that thought I pulled on my gloves and pulled up my hoodie sweat shirt that I was wearing underneath. It may have been March but in that part of Idaho it still averages temps in the 40s. Not too bad, assuming you were dressed for it and used to it. I was glad Mom had made me bring my gear on the trip. She hadn’t been prophetic, just we had been told the weather in San Francisco was funny and could be warm one day and freeze your vital bits off the next if the wind kicked up. We’d experienced both and laughed about it and how glad Mom had packed the way she had. Thinking about that made me weak all over again and I had to stuff my grief back in a box and shove it in the furthest back corner of my head. My parents would understand and I at least know they had gone together. One would have been heartbrokenly miserable without the other.

I was dozing by the dying embers of the fire when I heard the first cars start crawling down the road in front of the campground. It was cold enough and far enough away from everything else that sound carried a good distance. I listened for a long time but I never did hear anyone messing with the gate and slowly went to sleep for real.

*******

“Rocky Charbonneau, you did not sleep in this chair all night?!”

Nana about scared me to death with her sepulcher whisper right in my ear as the sun was coming over the trees. I just caught myself before falling over, chair and all. While I wasn’t what you would call a morning person I woke up fast so was able to get my head on straight quickly and answer her without being grumpy.

“I’m fine. Really. The fire stayed warm a long time and I stayed up listening after I heard some cars on the gravel road down there,” I said pointing towards the gate. “I’m going to the facilities and see if the caretaker is around and has any news. I’ll fix breakfast when I come back.”

“Never mind dear, we’ll just eat some granola.”

I rolled my eyes when she wasn’t looking. A handful of granola, yeah, that would certainly get me through the day all right. But it wasn’t worth pulling the stove out if I was the only one that was going to eat so after I got back I ate the granola, a banana that was too green to really enjoy, and some jerky. I could have had an apple but apples keep better than bananas and I was starting to get a bad feeling that Nana and Jonathon thought they knew more about getting by than they really did. I’d be thinking that more and more as time passed.

The caretaker never did come back and other people did show up but not many. The campground wasn’t exactly easy to spot but it was off a hidden switchback up a gravel road some distance from the highway. There was a billboard for it … which is what sent people looking in the first place, but the directions were awful and usually it was the caretaker who flagged people down and showed them where to go when they started calling and hollering they couldn’t find the place.

Not for the first time my size and appearance came in handy. That and the fact that I kind of stuck to the androgynous look. No one could figure out if I was a boy or a girl, especially as I kept my braid under my coat. Most of them leaned towards male when I borrowed the caretaker’s ax and chainsaw and started cutting firewood for everyone. Using the name Rocky pretty much sealed it for them. They gave me a wide berth and I asked Nana and Jonathon to stay at the camp so as not to give away how many supplies we had.

The fact that I shot a feral pig in the first few days and butchered it where anyone could watch added to the invisible “do not disturb” sign that seemed to hang around my neck. Only one family didn’t seem to be too put off by my appearance and that was because the dad looked even tougher than I did. We shared a sad laugh over people’s first impressions but I left it to them to share out the pork that I didn’t take up to our camp to cook up and to turn into jerky. Pork jerky didn’t last near as long as beef and venison jerky but I was starving after only a few days of Nana-style menus and decided to take some things into my own hands.

A week went by like this. Most of the campers moved on as their supplies ran low trying to get someplace else before their fuel ran out as well. In the end the only folks left were those from our camp and an elderly couple that acted like I was a dangerous biker dude no matter what I did. I always made sure they had enough wood and even bagged them a few squirrels but I never bothered them; I guess they were just fraidy cats by nature or maybe life had made them that way. It didn’t matter, even they left before two weeks went by without having ever said more than a half dozen words to me.

Not too many people had been in the campground but they’d created more trouble than I could have imagined. All of the bathrooms were disgusting and I wound up digging us a private latrine out in the woods away from camp and our water source. Wind blew trash everywhere and it took three days after the last car left before the dirty smell of unwashed bodies and cooking fires was completely gone.

Nana and Jonathon were both in a kind of … shock I guess you would call it. They got a little better after everyone else had gone and the ruckus had died down but I could tell they were still pretty crackly around the edges.

“Rocky, we’ve got to get out of here,” Jonathon told me two days after the elderly couple had left.

“Yeah, but I’m not willing to get out in that mess out there, not yet. I’ve been looking at the maps and …”

“Rocky, I mean we really need to get out of here. Nana and I are running out of our medicines.”

I looked up and looked at him. “I thought you said you had extra?”

“Yeah, but not the kind of extra I guess you were thinking we had. We need to get to the next stash. I’ve got a week and Nana has two but if it takes us a while to get there …”

“Where is it? Where’s this stash supposed to be?”

“Someplace called Soda Springs.”

I’d seen that on the road map and went back to check it out. “Jonathon, that’s 175 miles from here by interstate and main roads. You’ve heard what the radio says; it’s bumper to bumper and completely clogged with disabled vehicles. I’m not even sure how …” I stopped, took a deep breath and looked at the map again. “This sucks but if we have no choice we have no choice. Let’s spend the rest of the day packing everything down and getting rid of every bit of packaging that we can. We’ll burn it in the fire tonight. Is there any fuel in that stash coming up?”

I’d done the best I could but the remaining food was mostly freeze-dried hiking meals and junk food full of empty calories. The best of the lot as far as I was concerned was two buckets containing emergency food kits. The problem was that although it said there was “sixty servings” in each bucket when you added the calories up that was a big, fat lie. Sixty servings divided by three meals a day divided by three people meant that each bucket would last us barely a week … a slim week unless I could add stuff to it like I had up to this point.

I also got rid of most of the heavier redundant equipment. I kept all three stoves. One was a propane stove and we still had a couple of days of fuel for it. I also kept the two backpacking stoves because we had plenty of white fuel for them and if we were down to freeze dried stuff all we would need is to boil water anyway. I left the big crew size tent and just kept the three-man that we’d been sleeping in. I got rid of the air mattress and kept the light weight sleeping pads. When Nana asked me what on earth I was doing I told her, “We need to get the vehicle weight down to conserve gas. And worst case if we have to walk we …”

“Walk?!” they both asked shocked.

Like I said, the more time I spent with them the more I wondered just how prepared they really were to get through the rough times ahead. Dad had given me stuff to read and encouraged me to think about if stuff hit the fan but it had always been around the idea that we’d be at the farm. None of us had thought we’d be away from home when the world came to an end. If I was having a hard time processing it, I couldn’t really imagine what was running through Jonathon and Nana’s heads. And that worried me. I was a big girl but I … I was scared too. I didn’t know anything about the mountains in front of us. They looked nothing at all like the ridges and valleys of the Smoky Mountains that I was used to. These mountains were beginning to close in around us and looked like they would be just as happy to chew you up and spit you out before they let you cross them.
 

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 5

I didn’t know whether to head out in the day time or the night time. The night time might have more people off the road and out of our way, or it might have the wrong kind of people on the road and getting in our way on purpose. The day time might mean more people but at least we would be able to see what was going on around us and in the end I suggested we take the day time because of this.

I’m not sure it would have mattered either way; it was a nightmare whichever way you looked at it. All along its length the interstate was a solid wall of misery. More than a few times people tried to force us to stop. Jonathon almost did at the first blockage until I slammed my foot over his that was luckily still on the accelerator rather than the brake. We zoomed past them at breakneck speed, Nana squawking in the backseat in alarm, clipping one of the cars in the way and pushing it into the crowd that was trying to keep us from getting through.

Jonathon started to light up at me as soon as he’d gotten passed his fear but I rounded on him and said, “Don’t … ever … stop. Not for people like that. Barrel through, go around, run them down if you have to. Anyone that will stand in front of a vehicle traveling as fast as we were doesn’t have anything to lose … and we sure as heck do. People like that are dangerous!”

“Rocky …”

“Do you know what could have happened back there Jonathon? They would maybe have just shot you but do you have any idea what they might have done to your grandmother and I? Or left us to be the victim of?”

He cleared his throat in denial. “No way Rocky. Look at you.”

“Man you are driving me crazy! There are people in this world that don’t care how big or how strong I am … all they see is girl meat. I’m not Super Girl or Wonder Woman or whoever you try and imagine me to be. I’m not Budicca or any of those Amazon warriors you are always talking about. I’m me Jonathon … just me. And if you think I’m somehow invincible then you are wrong. More than one or two people of any size and I’m going down, it is simple physics. What do you imagine will happen then?! This isn’t the movies Jonathon … this is a nightmare!”

I didn’t mean to yell at him, not exactly, but he’d scared me … scared me bad. Jonathon was always willing to imagine the good, I couldn’t afford to anymore, not if I was going to get us all safely to the farm.

Looking back I still don’t have any idea how I wound up in charge of that lunatic road trip we found ourselves on. I wish to God it had been someone else. Jonathon was smarter, plain fact. He may have been shorter and smaller than me but so were a lot of incredible leaders in history. Nana was older, had more experience, and she was the one that had outfitted us for the trip and had access to lots of money. If I had to guess I would say it was because at the time I was able to access the aggression we needed faster than they were. I wasn’t jumping up and down looking to be the leader but I wanted to stay alive; I wanted all of us to stay alive and in one piece. And I wasn’t willing to risk testing the charity and kindness of the crowds that lined the roads looking for a hand out or just to flat take what they had no right to.

As we wended our way east, jumping on and off the interstate to avoid complete blockages, I noticed that some stretches of the interstate were eerily silent despite all of the cars and trucks lining the sides of the road. I saw a few bodies here and there in these sections but that was about it. I checked on Nana and was going to ask her her thoughts but she seemed detached, like there was a barrier between her and what was going on. I imagine she’d had the same look on her face as she’d ridden in the back of endless numbers of limousines in her lifetime.

I took over from Jonathon along one of these ghost stretches. He was shaking like a leaf and I noticed the symptoms that were a prelude to an asthma attack, the kind brought on by stress. It got better after I took over and it was easier if I drove the rest of the nerve wracking day. It took us from dawn until right before sundown to get to the Soda Springs area; all day to travel 175 miles, something that in normal times would have taken three hours max. But as bad as that day had been the night was worse.

“They promised that it would be here. They promised,” Nana said in a shocked voice.

Whoever they were they’d broken their promise. Or come back for it later themselves. It made me worry about the farm but there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. I wish she’d never told anyone where it was. We couldn’t even make a phone call to check on things because the cell phone lines weren’t working. All you could get was that stupid recording that all lines were busy, try back later. Texts weren’t even going through, even if you could find a signal. Nana’s phone was an expensive satellite phone but even that wasn’t letting any calls through.

I told her, “Maybe it was here but someone came along and … confiscated it or something. Several of these storage rooms look like someone has tampered with them.”

“Nice of you to try and comfort me dear but let’s face it, I’ve been swindled, and of no small amount of money. Luckily for us I’m not quite the batty old broad that I sometimes appear.” We drove a couple of rows over and to another storage garage. This one had been broken into as well and almost everything taken but all Nana and Jonathon seemed to care about was that there were a few of their pills scattered about from smashed pill bottles. They were upbeat over the find despite only being able to salvage a couple of day’s worth. To them it was better than nothing. I was feeling more like the glass was half empty instead.

I rolled the Gladiator into the largest storage garage at the back of the lot and we slept in the bed of the vehicle after rearranging some of our supplies. In the middle of the night Nana woke up gasping for air scaring the crap out of both Jonathon and I. After it was all over she looked a little gray in the face but by morning she was completely better.

“My goodness I haven’t had an attack like that in years. Now stop fussing children. We need to get on the road. Our next goal should be Laramie … yes Jonathon as in Laramie, Wyoming … and we have no time to waste.”

But we weren’t going anywhere. The jeep wouldn’t start, not even the lights or radio. I thought the battery was shot for some reason and had it in mind to go down the street to sweep a battery from an abandoned car. But then Jonathon and Nana noticed that their watches weren’t working. I hadn’t noticed because all I had was an old Timex wind up thing that was older than I was which I got at a our school’s white elephant sale. Jonathon got a funny look on his face but I didn’t get it.

“Rocky, see if the portable radio works.”

To my surprise it didn’t.

“Nana, what about .. about your phone, does it light up or anything?”

Nope.

He stuttered in a voice that was so raspy it almost hurt to listen to, “I … I think … I think we have bigger problems to think about.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t know what an EMP was, just that I didn’t really understand what it did in full. When Jonathon finished explaining I excused myself to go to the bathroom and spent a good five minutes puking my guts up. Suddenly my job of getting us home had gotten a lot harder and a lot more dangerous. I wasn’t sure if an 18 year old girl was up to it or not.

*******

Jonathon was waiting for me when I came out of the port-o-potty. “What are we going to do Rocky?”

I wished that he had waited just a little longer to ask that, given me time to gain some additional composure but he didn’t and I couldn’t hold it against him. “What we have to,” I answered him.

“What does that mean?”

“The truth is I’m not sure yet and the answer could change as we go along. First thing we are going to do is prepare the backpacks. It is going to take me all day probably to figure out what you two are capable of carrying and how much that is going to leave me to carry.”

The only thing I could put in Nana’s pack was her clothing and toiletries and the lightest of the freeze dried food then her sleeping back and sleeping pad. Jonathon could carry more but even after he was as loaded as he could stand that still left me carrying a pack that weighed nearly a hundred pounds. I couldn’t do it, there was just no way. I could have done it for a while, maybe even a few miles but no way could I do it for an extended period, day in and day out. I took it off and looked at Jonathon. “We are going to have to skip the three-man tent and take one of the smaller ones. I know they are only meant for one or two people but if it gets cold we’ll appreciate the closeness and if it gets hot I’ll sleep outside the tent in some mosquito netting. It’s the only way.”

Jonathon looked troubled and then said, “I’m sorry Rocky.”

“For what?” I asked him, confused.

“For … for not being able to carry more. For … everything … waiting so long to tell you that I like you … lots of stuff.”

Morale was slipping and Jonathon was going all “sensitive” and deep and we couldn’t afford it. What I told him wasn’t strictly the truth but it wasn’t exactly a lie either. “You carry more than you know Jonathon. You can’t carry any of this stuff and the stuff Nana can’t too. Helping her is a big load off my shoulders.”

I think he knew I was schmoozing him a bit but he let me and the moment passed. That night by the fire I looked at how far it was to Laramie and blanched. The most direct route was four hundred miles no matter how you cut it. It wasn’t the miles so much that worried me, although that was part of it, it was the terrain we would be going through. We were going to have to cross the Continental Divide on foot and that meant an altitude gain of almost 1800 feet in who knows what conditions.

I decided that instead of trying to think about the whole trip in one big bite I would start with the first leg which be to Montpelier, Idaho. It was just a little town of 3,000 souls at the intersection of Highways 30 and 89 and about its only claim to fame was that the Butch Cassidy gang robbed a bank there … or at least according to the AAA book. The problem was that it was 30 miles away from Soda Springs with nothing much between us and it. I had no idea how far Jonathon and Nana would be able to walk in a single day. I would have had trouble doing it in a single day, especially with the pack I was carrying, so I knew we were going to have to sleep on the road at least one night.

It took three. No matter what I did we were lucky to make ten miles a day and they were usually so exhausted by the end of the day that all they wanted to do was crawl in the tent and sleep. I let them because it gave me quiet time to think. There were cars here and there along Highway 30 but not many and they were all abandoned and most of them were stripped of anything useful as well. We saw the occasionally body, obviously a victim of violence, but none of us wanted to think about that too hard.

The first two-thirds of the leg was all uphill until we came to this little dot on the map called Georgetown. The town was dead and I mean that literally. Something or someone had come through and destroyed most everything there was to be seen of the town which wasn’t much. The sign on the highway said population 538 but I would not have thought a fifth of that from the look of things. It was eerily quiet and after finding a dozen dead bodies in one of the buildings on the side of the road I got us out of there rather than using any of the structures to hole up for the night. We pushed through Montpelier the same way. It felt like eyes were boring into my back for a long time after we put the town behind us.

That night Nana had another attack. It was a bad one. As I was helping her outside the tent to try and get some air I noticed the top of a bad scar. She noticed me noticing and when we got far enough away from Jonathon she explained.

“I have a pacemaker dear. Or should I say had. I don’t need it all the time, it was only to kick in when my heart was acting abnormal and needed a little help. I’m beginning to think that perhaps the EMP affected … well, you can imagine what I’m thinking. My medication should help but we must get to the next stash as soon as possible … or find some along the way … or I’ll become quite useless and a burden.”

All of the food we’d been eating had come out of her pack so it was as light as I could make it. I was also worried about Jonathon. He’d started wheezing. It was the elevation. We were at about 6000 feet give or take a few and none of us was used to it. The wind and lack of humidity sucked the fluids right out of us and I was having a hard time finding water that was clear enough to run through the Katadyne filter. I also had to keep reminding both of them to drink. Their excuse was that they were not hot or sweating; it was a running battle that I felt like I was losing.

After resting an extra day outside of Montpelier we took off for a dot on the map known as Harer, Idaho. There was supposed to be a town there but you could have fooled me; I saw nothing. I kept hoping against commonsense that I’d find some help but none materialized. The next town was called Cokeville, Wyoming and I was hanging my prayers that there would be something there.

Two days and twenty miles later I thought we were doing pretty well but Cokeville was a bust. Everything had been ransacked and there’d been a fire in this restaurant called Blondie’s. The two motels in town were trashed and no one was around. I locked Jonathon and Nana in one of the rooms at the Hideout Motel and went to see what I could find.

Basically a big, fat nothing. The BS Stop and the Flying J looked like they had been mobbed. I picked up a few things but nothing that would come close to replacing the medicines my two traveling companions so desperately needed. I did manage to pocket some energy pills and a couple of bottles of vitamins but everything else we already had or didn’t need. There wasn’t a scrap of food in any of the buildings I went into.

When I got back to the motel it was to find that Jonathon had had an asthma attack. He said he was OK but he didn’t look it. The next morning I suggested we stay another night since we had a roof over our heads but neither one could settle to the idea; they seemed too intent on going on and getting to this magic stash of medicine that I was beginning to wonder would even be there when we did finally make it to Fort Bridger which was apparently where the next one was supposed to be in some locker in the rest area there. I wish I had made them stay. It might not have made a difference but then again I’ll never know for certain. In the middle of that day I actually had to put him on my back and carry him a few miles. There was no place to camp safely.

A day out and we were in the middle of nowhere. We wouldn’t make another dot on the map until we reached this place called Fossil outside of Fossil Butte National Monument and that was still a hundred miles away. I prayed to God that Jonathon would pull it together and that the asthma would stay away and the next day it was like Jonathon didn’t even have asthma and all three of us slipped into a goofy mood, probably just to escape the fear that gnawed at us constantly.

That night I made camp well off the road and I’m glad I did. A party of about a hundred people came walking along the road. They stopped not too far from where we were camped and I heard a lot of talking as I hid in the bushes observing them.

They were a refugee party though I couldn’t tell from exactly where. They were being led but a small group of militia men, trying to get them to the same place we were ultimately heading which was outside of Laramie. They had one guy leading them that was just huge, nearly a head taller than I was but like me he wasn’t the tall and thin type but just plain big … not fat, just big. He didn’t look too happy or friendly. I heard a couple of the women saying that he’d beat a man for rape and left him for dead the previous day. Another woman said there were a couple of men in the group they wouldn’t mind if that happened to as they were very rough customers.

I was just thinking of asking if we could join them when this big guy starts talking and telling people that they were too slow … only fifteen miles per day would have them starving on the road and if they wanted to walk under the protection of …. I missed that part as the wind blew the sound away from me … then they had better get a move on and stop complaining. He was done with everyone’s belly aching, they could keep up or get left behind it didn’t matter to him one way or the other.

I knew that there was no way I could ask Jonathon and Nana to go faster. They barely made the ten miles per day that I pushed them to. The refugee party left and I watched them until they were beyond my line of sight. That night Jonathon had another asthma attack. I thought at first everything would be OK just like always but something went wrong. I held him and tried to help but … he just stopped breathing. Just like that. I gave him CPR and after a while he did start breathing again but he didn’t seem to want to wake up properly from that point forward.

I knew I needed to get him medical help and I kicked myself for letting that refugee party get away. I thought, if we can just catch up with them then there would be someone who knew what to do. I fixed a sling that helped me to carry Jonathon and my pack too. My muscles were coming back and desperation also gave me strength I didn’t know I had. For two days we travelled like this and the second day we even made a full twelve miles before I had to stop for Nana’s sake.

That night it happened. He just stopped breathing again, almost without notice. Nothing I did could make him start up again. I tried CPR, I tried cussing and swearing, I tried crying out to God to please help … I guess it was just his time. My best friend … I can’t put it into words; there aren’t words for it. And trying to deal with Nana … there will never be words for it. I wanted to howl like a wild animal but even that wouldn’t have bled off but a microportion of how badly I was hurting.

We buried Jonathon the best way we could. The ground didn’t want to cooperate. It was rocky and full of roots and my strength had deserted me. I got him three feet down and I was lucky to do that. I piled all the loose rock I could find over the top and asked God to please keep the animals away and if he wouldn’t do that to at least keep those thoughts out of my head and Nana’s.

We only walked a couple of miles in the remainder of that day because we’d barely survived a rockslide. I all but shook my fist at God asking Him what the big idea was, that the day had already been horrific enough without the special effects. Worse was to come.

I was setting up the tent when Nana had another attack. The next morning it was like she had given up. I broke camp and hefted her onto my back and carried her the same way that I’d carried Jonathon but she didn’t seem to want to be helped. She fought me with what little bit of strength she had. I sat up with her all night but she just slipped away without a single word, almost like she’d resented the last bit of help that I’d been trying to give her. Both of them had been right there, in my arms and they’d never said good bye.

So this morning I buried her. I could have carried her back to where Jonathon was laid but that slide made things too hazardous and I figured that though their physical bodies weren’t in the same location, their souls were and I needed to be satisfied with the bigger picture than concerned about my earthly heartbreak.

I’ve repacked my backpack. It isn’t as heavy as it was before. What little bit of food I added to my pack was offset by the fact that I got rid of the tent. I couldn’t use any of their clothes so I’m leaving that by the road with the tent and I really hope someone can use it; it’s quality stuff, just more of a burden for me than a blessing.

I’ve also come to a decision not everyone would understand or agree with. Amazon queens only exist in mythology. Budicca and all of those other heroines of ancient history are dust. And it is crazy for a female to try and travel alone. I’m going to try and catch up with that refugee party. There is safety in numbers. But I won’t be joining it as a girl.

I’ve already cut my braid off and trimmed the ragged sections up. I hate it, it looks so butch. I haven’t been wearing my earrings so my pierced ears don’t show too much. The one even looks like a freckle and the other … well lots of guys have one earring these days. My voice is fairly low and mellow for a girl and I figure I’ll just rough it up a little when I have to and not talk much at all unless forced to. If I keep my game face on I hope to be able to pass … or at least keep people too embarrassed to ask. It’ll be the same as it always has been only this time I’m going to play it up a bit.

The only trouble I’m having is my chest. I’m not well endowed in that department but I’m not exactly flat either. I tore one of Jonathon’s shirts and I pancaked myself the best I could. Multiple layers of shirts and a jacket should help for a while and hopefully by the time it warms up enough that the jacket is too much I’ll be in a place I can make the decision whether to move on or come out.

Since it is just me I’m going to see how hard and far I can push myself starting tomorrow. God help me and keep me safe but I just don’t see any other thing I can do right now. Home is looking farther and farther away every time I open the map.

 

[Rabbit]

I loved this story!

 

[cheyennep]

So do I! I just re-read it!

 

[carioca]

Yes, this is another great one. complete too (unless you plan to expand it?)

 

[Jimbopithecus]

Rocky's back!!!!!!!!!

 

[nancy98]

Now let's get Gurl up and running again.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 6

It took me three days to catch sight of the refugee group and its size had nearly doubled. They were camped outside the town of Fossil and I found out they’d been there for as long as I had been intentionally tracking them. I made an average of eighteen hard miles per day hiking on those three days and it had given me time to distance myself from the pain and step into the persona I’d created for myself. I was also prepared to spend some of those coins from the money belt to buy my way in but it never an issue so I kept their existence to myself.

I was hiding behind a building that flanked the entrance to Fossil Butte National Monument when I heard a noise behind me. I turned and found myself facing the big guy I’d seen giving orders several days before. He didn’t look any friendlier than he had from a distance, if anything less so, especially now that he had a rifle held casually in my direction.

Something in my eyes must have given me away. “You look too much like you recognize me. How long you been tracking us boy?”

I was too worried to fill triumphant that my disguise was working. I’d promised myself to stick with the truth when I could. “Nearly a week. You passed us on a narrow stretch of the highway. You were complaining about only making fifteen miles a day.”

He looked at me hard and then asked threateningly, “Who’s ‘us’?”

“My best friend and his grandmother,” my voice breaking despite my best effort.

He showed no signs of hearing it. “Where are they now?”

I wasn’t as prepared as I thought. I couldn’t seem to push the answer out. The big guy grabbed my shirt front and actually lifted me off my toes, no small feat of strength. “I asked you a question punk.”

I refused to cry or blink and I did my best not to fight back; this guy could squash me like a bug. “They ran out of medicines they needed. Nana’s pacemaker stopped working the night of the EMP and Jonathon’s asthma just … just … get off me already,” finally snarling and nearly messing up my own plans. When he wouldn’t let go I said, “They’re gone. I don’t … I’m not from around here. I was just looking to hook up until I can get through these mountains. All you had to say was no mister. I’m not looking for trouble.”

He let go suddenly and stepped back, I imagined seeming a little surprised when I didn’t stumble because of it. “Not my call anymore. We ran into some federal monkeys that took over running the circus.”

His accent and phrases sounded like a bit of home out here in the middle of nowhere. “Sounds like a warning. You saying I should just keep going, that there’s nothing for me here?”

He kept staring at me and then said, “Nah. Safety in numbers and they’ve managed to rig a few working vehicles. They’ve got food too … of a sort anyway. Just don’t believe all the promises they’re making. And don’t expect a free ride either. They accept you in, you’ll pull your weight.” The last was said with a smirk while he looked me over.

“Not a problem,” I replied though I wanted to find something that would wipe the look off his face. I bent down, hefted my pack and the rifle I had chosen to carry. Its mate was broken down inside the pack since trying to carry more than one rifle was too awkward.

People stared as he escorted me into camp. Out of the blue I saw a football barreling our way and instincts took over. I caught it one-handed before it could disrupt some ladies who were tending some very young children and then tossed it back to the boys who had been punting it back and forth. “Top of the foot, not the toe. Work on accuracy first then distance.”

We continued walking towards a large tent set apart from all the others. “You play?”

“In high school,” I admitted.

“That ain’t so long ago as you’re making it sound,” he chuffed.

“I am … was … a senior. I’m eighteen.”

“Bull. You may be a big kid but I can barely see the peach fuzz. No way you’re old enough to shave yet.”

Crud. “Believe what you want. The men in my family just aren’t hairy.” At his continued skepticism I blurted, “Look, I got big early so they put me on some medicine that slowed stuff down. Not having whiskers at eighteen doesn’t make me weird.” It was the truth but I was still embarrassed and I felt my ears grow hot.

That got me another hard look. “Boy, I know you’re lying about something but … that’s the truth and I can see it. You keep telling me the truth and there won’t be problems.”

There wasn’t time for him to interrogate me more because we’d reached the check-in station. He was called away and I was left talking to a woman that took herself way too serious. After agreeing that I could join their “refugee caravan” she asked me for some personal data starting with my social security number. I’d been playing slow for her benefit now I decided was a good time to compound it.

“I don’t know what it is. My mom always did all that stuff.”

“What stuff?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Putting the numbers in.”

“Putting the numbers in what?” she asked like I was giving her a hard time on purpose.

“Papers when people asked for the numbers.”

Since this wasn’t the first time I’d talked her in a circle her patience was wearing thin. She pinched the bridge of her nose and said, “Fine. We’ll leave that place blank until we can get back online. Now what’s your proper name?”

“Rocky Charbonneau.”

She gave me a strange look. “Not your nick name.”

“My nickname is Cajun,” I told her with a goofy grin.

“So you’re Cajun?” she asked, her hand hovering over a section on ethnicity.

My face turned confused. “No.”

“No?” she asked, her turn to be confused.

I shrugged. “Uh uh, people just thought I was ‘cause of my last name.”

She sighed deeply and looked up to the heavens like she was seeking guidance. “Let’s try this again. What was the name you were born with?”

“I done told ya, Rocky Charbonneau.”

She rolled her eyes. “No one names their child Rocky.”

I let my mouth hang open like I was surprised at her opinion. “Sure they do.” Right as she’d opened her mouth to deny it again I said, “Dad liked the movies a lot.”

She ground out, “Fine. What is your middle name?”

“Ain’t got one. Daddy didn’t want his kids to get uppity.”

She had that now-we-are-getting-somewhere-look on her face and leaned in. “So you have siblings?”

“Naw. There’s just me.”

She was about to explode. She carefully closed the laptop she’d been typing on but the way she did it made it as good as a slam. Her chair flew back when she stood up. She looked like she wanted to say something to me but then turned and bellowed, “Thor!”

The big guy who’d brought me in stepped from behind a boulder and she told him, “This … one … is … yours.” She was so near melt down that while there was sound coming from her mouth, her lips and teeth were barely moving.

I tried to keep a straight face while Thor stood there and just looked at me. He finally jerked his head and I followed. As we walked away he asked, “Rocky really your name?”

“It’s what people have called me my whole life,” I said giving him a non-answer and then asking a question of my own. “Is Thor really your name?”

“That’s what they call me. You really as slow as you played at?”

“Me? Slow? I thought it was her. She kept asking the dumbest questions.”

There was a raspy sound coming from him that I took to be a rusty laugh. He looked at me, looked forward, and then suddenly jerked his head to look at me again. He shook his head then asked, “When’s the last time you ate?”

“I’m good.” A hard, swift forearm bent me backwards hard across a piece of rock as high as a kitchen table. “Don’t smart mouth me boy. I asked you a question. I better get a straight and honest answer.”

I looked him straight in the eye giving him the same look I’d given the opposing team players when they tried to use their size to intimidate me. “This morning,” I told him in a bored voice that caught him off guard.

He backed off and let me up. “You want to watch that mouth.” I didn’t answer him. I didn’t know what he was playing at. The worst that could have been said of my answer was that it was incomplete; it wasn’t the sass he was trying to make it out to be. He didn’t have the feeling of being a natural born bully either which only made his actions more of a mystery. I would have ignored it if I could have but it was too soon to say if he was going to turn into a problem for me or not.

He started walking like nothing had happened. “Two meals are planned; one before we break camp and one after we stop for the day. Anything else you provide for yourself but not at the expense of the speed of the group. Water containers get filled from that tank,” he said pointing to a truck under guard, “during first meal. You got a tent?” At my nod he said, “You’ll pitch it beside mine. You want to watch who you associate with. Don’t trust anyone.”

“It’s not my habit,” I told him dryly.

“Good. You’ll stay out of more trouble that way.”

We walked over to a small knot of men all of whom were a couple to several years older than me. Thor introduced me around. None looked too happy to see me. They were obviously a tight group and I was the interloper. Thor pointed to each man as he said their name, “Evans, Barkley, Alfonso, Montgomery, Richard, Chuckri.” Then he pointed back at me, “Charbonneau.”

I said into the silence, “Rocky.”

One of the men raised an eyebrow and asked, “Think we’re too dumb to say your name right?”

I raised my eyebrow right back and told him, “No. It ain’t rocket science. I just hate how it gets shortened to Charb or Bono by some people. Rocky isn’t near as easy to slaughter.”

My attempt at conversation fell flat and the men turned away from me. I shrugged my shoulders; it wasn’t as if I hadn’t had to deal with the good ol’ boys club before. To be honest I think the more distance I keep with these men the more likely my chances are of hiding my sex.

I was in the middle of wondering what to do next when the same boys as before got under foot causing some of the grouchier adults to start swearing. I shook my head and picked one up out of the dust that had just fallen out Thor’s feet and carried him out of the danger zone. “You midgets got a death wish?”

There was a lot of mumbling and then a loud, “We’re bored. No one will play with us.”

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Thor who was now ignoring the whole lot of us but I did notice that some of the adults were still shooting venomous looks at the boys. Obviously they’d been underfoot more than once and in the wrong place too. I sighed, “Come on before someone really gets ticked off at you and does some damage.”

I took them to what was left of an artificially grassy area, now brown and dry from lack of care, and started doing drills with them. A few complained and I told them, “Put up or shut up. You complain that no one will play with you and now that someone is you whine like a buncha babies. You wanna play or you wanna knit baby booties?”

One boy stuck his bottom lip out and walked away but then came back when none of the other boys would join his boycott. After that things ran better and I wore them out until their parents or whoever was acting like it for them called them to the dinner line. I had to get rid of the smile on my face real quick so no one would see it. I didn’t know if guys my age were supposed to like playing with kids.

Everyone else seemed to be grabbing utensils and stuff from their own gear so I pulled the bowl and spork out of mine and followed Thor and the other men to a line that had already formed. The evening meal consisted of a piece of cornbread and what I think was supposed to be thick corn chowder. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t particularly good either. The chunks of potato in the chowder was the best part. When Thor looked over and asked if I’d gotten anything to drink I didn’t risk the “I’m good” response again and instead lifted a nalgene bottle and sloshed it around for him.

The only thing that threatened to ruin the meal for me was this girl that had been in line behind me. She kept sniffing. At first I thought she had a cold then I caught her mumbling to a couple of other girls with her about people who needed to bathe “desperately before we all gag to death.” OK, so I didn’t exactly smell sweet after being on the road and hiking and then playing scrimmages with the boys but as far as I could tell no one was exactly odor free in my general vicinity.

I turned around and stared her down. Then she had to over react and start crying like I verbally threatened her or something. I hunched my shoulders feeling guilty for dishing it out so hard even though I knew I hadn’t been that rough. Thor pulled me over with a look and told me to tone it down. “Buncha whiners in this crowd but they’re whiners with friends. Enough of ‘em get together and you could have one of them problems you were looking to avoid.”

“Don’t want any problems,” I mumbled. “Just wanna be left alone. Barbie dolls like that girl make me wanna be left alone even more.”

“I hear that,” he nodded then whispered me a quiet piece of advice. “But that ‘Barbie doll’ has an old man that is making up to the new people in charge and do I need to say any more?”

“No,” I whispered back. “I’ll stay away from her and her friends. Last thing I want is trouble.”

Thor nodded and then left me to go talk to some guys that I hadn’t been introduced to yet. Suited me fine, I’ve never been real big into socializing off the field. But in a way it tickled my cynical bone to realize how quickly I had fallen into my role of over-sized male Neanderthal and how readily other people believed it … even other girls. I reminded myself that I had to be careful not to let myself start believing it so much I unintentionally slipped up.

After the meal everyone took care of their own gear which I’d already learned to do with as little water as possible. I got an approving nod from the guy called Chuckri. He seemed the most accessible of the group so I asked him, “Thor said that I’d need to pull my weight. I don’t want people saying I’m free loading on your guys. What am I supposed to do to help out?”

He stopped sharpening a knife and looked me over before answering. “Keeping the @#$% kids away was a start. They’ve been driving everybody bug &*(% for days.”

“Fine, but that still doesn’t tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

Another look and he scratched his very stubbly chin. “We did provide security and kept the people moving along. These feds, we ain’t sure what they want from us. They’re holding it pretty close to the vest until we get on the road … which is tomorrow in case no one’s mentioned it.”

I shook my head, “Probably trying to prove who the boss is.” I sighed and looked around. For the first time in days I wasn’t dead dog tired and I knew if I just sat around my brain would start racing and I’d start remembering.

Chuckri’s eyes widened an instant before I was barreled into from behind. I went down to my knees hard and then came back up prepared to fight.

“See, I told you he was big but easy to take down.” A grown man was talking to a couple of the boys I’d been playing with earlier. “Size don’t matter,” he said snidely while glancing Thor’s way. “It’s all in the leadership and who you can get to listen to you.”

This guy wasn’t exactly small himself but he was carrying a lot of his size in a spare tire that didn’t look like it had always been there. He reminded me of an armchair quarterback who used to be the darling of all the cheerleaders but who had gone to seed after school when he didn’t get picked up by any teams.

“Hitting a guy from behind isn’t exactly what you would call a fair play,” I said.

The guy was standing several feet off and hee-hawed as he told the boys, “See? Didn’t I tell you that he’d start whining about …”

The boys saw what was happening before the guy did and jumped back. I barreled into the guy’s gut shoulder first, lifting him off his feet and then laying him out hard on the ground. “You want to watch your bragging friend. You might just find out that you were good at one time, but not no more.”

I waited to see whether he was going to get up but all he did was whimper. I shook my head in disgust and turned to find Thor and several other men looking at me. The one called Montgomery said, “Dang kid, you run like a freaking freight train. What was your position?”

“Defensive tackle.”

“How many QBs did you chew up?”

I couldn’t help it, a wicked grin snuck out as I said, “A few.”

The men laughed and the whole incident was over with. “Amazing,” I thought. Guys had a totally different way of handling things. I wasn’t too sure that I didn’t prefer it.

With nothing to distract me I went and put my tent up where Thor had told me to earlier. I had thought to just put up the Noah’s Tarp and sleep out completing my manly man persona but I needed a little privacy after the tussle. The stupid pancake band around my bosom was slipping.

It took a long time to get dark. By my watch it was getting past 10 pm before it really qualified for the night time that I was used to. Most people had long since crawled into whatever they were using as shelter and I did my best to turn my brain off long enough to get some rest. Unfortunately it didn’t last long.

“Psst … kid.” I recognized Chuckri’s voice and stuck my head out. “Good, you’re dressed. Someone went to take a leak and thought they heard something or someone off in the bushes. They want us to do a perimeter check.”

Here is where I started earning my keep. I slid out of the tent and into my boots as quick as I could but the other men still beat me and were looking at me in disgust. Thor just asked, “You know how to shoot that thing?” He was referring to the rifle I had in my hands.

“Does a flea-bitten hound scratch?” I asked irritated that he’d made me feel even dumber than the other men had already made me feel.

Then Evans, who hadn’t even acknowledged my existence more than once asked, “But can you kill a man with it?”

I looked at him real hard and said, “If I have to.”

Thor quickly separated us, putting us into two different groups. Evans went with the group led by Thor and he stuck me in Chuckri’s group. As Thor walked away he muttered for my ears alone, “Don’t make me sorry I didn’t run you off when I had the chance.”

As the two groups moved apart I realized it was different terrain but it wasn’t that much different than walking the fence line with my dad when we’d had problems with the occasional poacher. I’d never actually had to shoot anyone but I’d come close and that incident played in my head as slipped quietly around the camp reminding me that people were a whole lot more dangerous than most animals could ever be.

It was a whiff on the wind that alerted me. I tapped Chuckri and mimed smelling the air off in the direction of the road. I hadn’t realized until I’d smelled it that I hadn’t noticed anyone smoking in camp. The smell wasn’t strong but it was out of place which is what caught my attention in the first place. Suddenly three men came out of the darkness liked they’d been flushed out by a hunting dog. I just reacted. I grabbed one and threw him to the ground hard enough that I heard something snap and caught another in the face with the butt of my rifle. One of the other men had done something to incapacitate the third.

I was standing on the neck of the guy I had thrown down just to make sure he stayed down when Chuckri said quietly, “He ain’t going nowhere kid. Move forward about six feet and give us some cover so we can see what we have.”

I was running on adrenaline and the night sounds weren’t helping my nerves any. Chuckri’s voice from behind made me jump. “Listen. Here that? Thor’s coming through so don’t put a hole in him. He wouldn’t like it.”

Chuckri made some kind of chirp and the other group of men filed into the small clearing almost overcrowding it. I continue to do as I’d been told until Chuckri patted me on the shoulder letting me know we were heading back to camp. I brought up the rear as I couldn’t shake the feeling that those three hadn’t been the only things out there.

They were making a mess dragging the three men and I hated the noise of boots being dragged on gravel. I elbowed the man behind me and we switched positions. I stopped and then lifted the guy over my shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Thor saw what I was doing and he and … I think it was Evans … did the same with the other two.

We walked quietly up to the feds who had their own security force and gave them the men. They were hauled away and then without a by-your-leave we were dismissed to go back to bed.

Chuckri pulled me along. “What’s wrong kid?”

“What are they going to do to those men?”

“Ask ‘em a few questions and if they don’t answer the questions right, dispose of them most likely.”

I stumbled and was glad no one could really see my face in the moonless night.

Evans mumbled, “What did you expect kid?”

All of them expected an answer. Instead of giving them what they wanted I mumbled, “Teach me to ask questions, and remind me to never volunteer again.”

Thor’s baritone floated to me as he was climbing back in his tent. “Too late now kid. Maybe next time you’ll look before you leap.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 7a

I awoke with anticipation that we’d be moving forward but once again the feds changed their minds at the last moment and declared that we’d be waiting one more day to see if we’d get any more people to join the caravan. They made it sound like they were being … kind and magnanimous or something like that but I had the feeling that really wasn’t their goal.

I followed Chuckri after grabbing a bowl of thick oatmeal and bringing it back to a tarp that Thor’s men used to eat under. No one was digging in and after getting my first taste I figure out why. Refusing to eat the tasteless glop I told the men to wait and reached into my backpack and pulled out one of those multi-sectioned containers of spices and a small bear-shaped container of honey.

The men just kind of stared at me when I offered it around. “What? It ain’t poison and even if it was it has got to be better than the way this stuff tastes now.”

I tossed it to Thor who looked at me and said, “We’ll use it up if all of us get some.”

“Whoever empties it cleans it, and then I want it back in case I can find a bee tree or something along the road. This stuff would be better off fried into oat cakes with a little sweetening. How often do we eat this stuff anyway?”

Chuckri snagged the honey and spices from Thor since he was still just sitting there staring at me and not using it. “Couple times a week. Tastes like @#$%.”

Evans as surly as ever said, “Used to have oat cakes when I was a kid. Ma made them from leftovers. Nobody made them as good as Ma. Cain’t remember how she done it.”

I told him, “I don’t know about your Mom but mine just mixed whatever was handy into the leftover oatmeal, or left it plain, and then fried it … sort of like fried mush.”

Some of the other guys had blank looks and Alfonso asked, “Fried polenta?”

I was getting in over my head and shrugged, “Don’t know but if it is made from cornmeal that … well, yeah, I guess. Kinda anyway. I think polenta is Italian though.”

Richards, a quiet man from everything I’d seen up to this point nodded and said, “Different countries call it different things. Ate it in many different places in the world and no two called it the same name. First thing you’ll learn on the road son is that with this many people to feed they aren’t after flavor so much as quick and filling. They also want to minimize the fuel they have to use and the cleanup it takes. Water is going to be critical for this many people too. I don’t see the logistics getting it to work to be honest.”

Chuckri picked up the thread. “Plan is supposed to be to get as close to Laramie as we can before the supplies run out. They swear there is a big camp up there taking in refugees and that there is plenty of food waiting on us but I’m beginning to doubt it.”

“Laramie is where we’re going?” I asked.

“No kid, the moon,” Evans said snidely. “You stupid or something? No one hooks up without getting all the facts first. No one with any sense anyway.”

I didn’t know what his problem was but I wasn’t going to rise to the bait. “All I’m trying to do is get across these mountains. I don’t want to get put in a refugee camp. I just want to go home.”

Thor finally asked, “Where’s home?”

I looked at him carefully before saying, “Off the Blue Ridge Parkway.”

Evans again with the snide voice asked, “How the Sam Hill you’d get so far from home? You ain’t even wet behind the ears yet.”

“It was a school trip.” That was close enough to the truth that it sounded like it. I was starting to remember things that I didn’t want to.

Evans kept pushing. “Sure it was kid.” He didn’t believe me. “Where was this ‘school trip’ to? The way you act it couldn’t have been too far away or you’d be dead by now.”

I was having a hard time keeping the memories from breaking free, “San Francisco.” I stood up abruptly and said, “Just give me the bear when y’all are through with it.” Then I walked away trying hard to not look like I was running.

Thirty minutes later I had my back pack and other gear in the shade of a big rock and was leaning against it throwing smaller rocks at nothing in particular. At the crunch of gravel I froze hoping whoever it was would go away. “Hey kid?”

I sighed at hearing Chuckri’s voice knowing it probably meant chores. “Yeah,” I answered.

When I moved to stand he waved me to stay put. He sat beside me and we were both throwing stones before long. “Thor’s the leader but I’m what you would call second in command. It’s my job to keep things running smooth. You’re a wrinkle and it’s gonna take some time to iron things out.”

“Sure.” I said not wanting to care too much one way or the other right at that moment.

A moment later he continued. “Thor thinks you’re lying about something and I’m thinking he’s right. Is this it?”

“Is what it?”

“Where you come from? You lying about San Francisco … or where you’re headed?”

Still feeling mostly dead I said, “No. We were having a party in one of those swanky hotels where they don’t let the bums hang out. It had these big meeting rooms like a convention center. There were lots of parties that night, all the rooms were booked full, and the bathrooms on the floor we were on all had lines. I told my parents – they were chaperones – that I was going to go find one that wasn’t backed up around the block. While I was taking care of business there was a lot of noise and then my best friend runs to get me and tell me … tell me … they’d … these men … they’d … they’d gassed the room we were using. He told me that my parents … his parents … everyone we knew there was dead and that they were starting to spread out in the hotel and shoot people. We got out and managed to get out of the city before they could … could hold us for whatever reason. Jonathon’s family … they … they had money and … his family … he didn’t want to get put someplace for his own protection where his family couldn’t get to him. Anyway we grabbed a car and made it to his grandmother’s house in Oregon and then things really started hitting the fan. We were trying to escape and brought her with us. We were on the road but still in Oregon when the EMP hit. Then they ran out of medicines they needed and then nothing mattered … I couldn’t save them. And if Evans gets in my face about it one more time I won’t answer for the consequences. I’m not telling this story again, it was hard enough living through it; I ain’t going to keep repeating it just because people get curious.”

“Kid?”

“What?” I snapped without meaning to.

“You should tell Thor.”

I shook my head. “You tell him,” I snarled. “I told you I’m done saying it.”

A sigh and Chuckri said, “It’ll get easier. Burying the first few is always the hardest.”

It was the way he said it as much as what he said that had me turning slowly to look at him. “There were two dozen of us when we started. We’re down to seven … eight with you added back in. We were all buddies, a tight crew, known each other for years. I don’t want to have to bury anymore. Evans can be a $%&* but … but this? It’s made him worse. He thinks if he is a big enough $%&* that nothing can hurt him. I don’t need two people in the crew acting like that.”

I debated whether to say anything but the man had been halfway decent to me and I’d be stupid to spit on that. “Just give me something to do. I don’t think about it so much when I can work at doing something.”

He gave me the once over and then said, “I saw some maps in your pack when you pulled that honey out. The feds ‘borrowed’ ours and ain’t give ‘em back yet. Give me ten minutes and then bring them back to that rock we were eatin’ around. I wanna see what kind of miles we’re looking at.”

I responded automatically, “Between here and Fort Bridger it’s fifty miles. From here to Laramie it’s about three hundred depending on the route we take.”

Chuckri shook his head, “Three hundred freaking miles … on foot.” He stood up and told me, “Just bring the maps like I told you. We got some planning of our own to do.”

I did as I was told and we spent the rest of the afternoon comparing my maps to the route the feds said that we were taking. It was going to be more than three hundred miles. First major point was Fort Bridger, WY. From there we were supposed to bypass I80 by following 414 south until we hit the town of McKinnon, WY – another 40 miles – and then we’d swing north again taking the McKinnon Rd and heading into the Flaming Gorge area which added another 50 miles. From there to Laramie it was 225 miles for a grand total that was closer to 400 than 300 miles.

Three hundred and seventy five miles and that didn’t include any detours we’d have to make. I asked of no one in particular how many miles a day they were making before they settled down in Fossil.

Montgomery – who got as irritated at being called Monty as I did at Charb or Bono – answered, “Most we got out of them was fifteen … even with Thor growling and driving them with a stick. Chucki said you was traveling with an old lady. How far’d y‘all get?”

Montgomery had the broad accents of the Highlands that could still be found in the ridges of the Smokies. I told him, “Eight to ten a day and they crashed and burned almost as soon as the tent got put up.” As I thought about what the caravan was going to look like I shook my head and muttered, “Holy Moses and the Children of Israel Batman.”

Chuckri heard me and actually laughed. “Yeah, it’s gonna be a mess. I’m not sure putting the kids and elderly in the trucks is going to help much since most folks will still be walking. Once we get off these back roads and get back to the traffic blockages it might actually make things worse.”

Thor casually leaned over, startling me, and swept the papers off of the rock we’d been using and muttered, “Hide ‘em.” I slipped them inside the bag at my feet just as two young men in uniform walked up “requesting” Thor’s presence at a briefing. This left me at loose ends again, a state I’m not fond of being in.

“Boy, you need to learn to relax,” Chuckri advised. “You look like you’re too anxious for work and you’ll find yourself volunteered for some again.”

I shrugged. “I relax best when I’m busy.” He snorted, leaned back in the shade tipping his hat over his eyes.

With no help from him or any of the other men who seemed to be following his example I looked around for myself. The first thing I noticed was the chaos. No one seemed to know what they should be doing and most didn’t seem to care. I saw a lot of people just sitting around with vacant eyes not really looking at anything. Kids were running underfoot again drawing the ire of many adults. I watched two brawls start before I’d had my fill of looking.

I sat back down with the men. “Why aren’t the feds getting things organized? These people could be doing something constructive, something useful … training maybe … the kids could be rounded up and done something with …”

Evans said, “Yeah … beat like they need.”

I ignored him and continued. “Has anyone checked the town? Are there any people there? Supplies? Look at the trash and people’s equipment that needs fixing.”

“Don’t try and make sense of it kid.” As big as Thor is he’d returned quietly enough to make several of us jump when he spoke. “Besides, not our problem; we’ve got a mission.” Instantly the men around me were energized like they hadn’t just been lying around like a bunch of old hound dogs.

The issue of getting the fed vehicles through had been duly noted and the feds solution was simple. An advance group would go out and move stuff out of the way.

Barkley asked, “How? With our looks?”

Evans was the one that said, “What’s the compensation plan? I ain’t working for free.”

Thor’s response was dry yet held a lot of contempt for the feds at the same time. “Ain’t you heard? We’ve been drafted. And yeah, appears that that still means something. They proved it by letting me overhear some radio transmissions. They said either we agree or we’ll be, and I quote, dealt with. They left the rest of it to our imagination what that might mean.”

Evans, ever the conniver said, “Fine. We go out but we just keep walking. Leave this whole mess behind.”

Thor shook his head. “With a price on our heads. They know who we are, where we call home, family if we got any,” he growled. “What’s more, if one of us pulls that it comes down on all of us.”

Most of the comments for the next few minutes aren’t printable. These were rough men who didn’t appreciate being backed into a corner.

Finally Chuckri asked, “Fine, what’s the rest of this plan or is that it?”

Thor looked around and just like Coach quieted the group with a look. “We get supplies for eight days. We work our way out along a predetermined route for six days. On the seventh we wait for them to catch up if they haven’t already. The eighth day of supplies is for just in case. We get resupplied when the caravan catches up and the schedule then repeats itself, barring any unforeseen incidences, until we get to the area cleared around Laramie. Once there we’ll get papers releasing us. How we move things out of the way is up to us.”

“Which truck are they giving us?” someone asked.

“They aren’t. That would mean splitting their fuel resources.”

“And another chance for us to skip on them,” I added.

“The kid’s right,” Richards said. “What are we going to do about this?”

Thor opened his mouth to answer when Chuckri turned to me and asked, “If it was you, and it is, what would you do Boy?”

It was a test that even a blind man could see. I was as careful with my answer as if my life depended on it, which it might in the long run. “Go along with it … for a while. See if their threats have any merit. Test their defense then go on the offense. Maybe …,” I stopped for a moment to think. “maybe do what they don’t seem to be which is looking for new resources … check the cars and any towns we go through for things we need or could use. If we can find a locksmith shop or truck we could even find a lock punch or a master key set and we’ve got the only keys we ever need. Mostly check for things we need or could use right away.”

“Steal you mean.”

“Huh?” I asked startled out of my thoughts. “No. That’s not what I mean at all. Leave it alone if there are people already making a clear claim to it. I don’t want to be a raider like in some post-apocalyptic movie. But if it don’t belong to anyone and we can use it ourselves or trade it for stuff we do need, then we’ll be less … dependent than they want us to be. Just no matter what we end up doing, it has to work for all of us. Nobody gets stupid … or stupid greedy … or we could all wind up in trouble.”

“Or with a noose around our necks if not worse; some of us hope we still got families to go home to,” Chuckri added. To make his point he asked Thor, “Any word on those men from last night?”

Nonchalantly Thor answered, “Disposed of. Apparently they were three from a group that had been told to move along the day before the Kid here showed up.” Looking around he told everyone, “We start before first light. Check your gear again, say any goodbyes if you got ‘em. You know the drill. Chuckri, grab the kid and his gear and come with me.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 7b

I didn’t like the sound of that but didn’t see as I had any choice. We ended at a vacant area off of one of the hiking trails from the main parking lot of the national monument. “I need to know what you can do kid. The road is no place to find out just how much I’m gonna need to teach you. Break your weapon down and then put it back together.”

Since I was used to the drills Dad had pulled on me fairly regular, and because I’d taken the time to familiarize myself with the rifle, I did it in good time; not as quickly as if it had been my own rifle from home but quick enough that I got a grin from Chuckri and “smart @#$” from Thor. The target tests went just as well. I was a little rusty … and nervous … so didn’t do as well as I could have but apparently I passed muster.

“What about his gear?” Chuckri asked Thor.

I tried not to show the panic I felt on my face. I didn’t know how I would explain away bras and panties and my monthly needs unless they wanted to believe I was some kind of pervert. However Thor just said, “What would we replace it with? Let the kid deal with it as it comes.” I was too relieved to take affront.

Thor then switched gears and told me, “Kid you wouldn’t be my first choice for the crew but we’re stuck with you anyway it appears. Don’t complain. Don’t pout. Don’t get in the way. Don’t slow us down. You won’t like the consequences.” My mouth wanted to go into overdrive but if nothing else, age and recent experience was giving me more control over that part of my personality.

“What? Nothing to say?” Thor asked, poking the bear whether he realized it or not.

Shrugging as casually as I could I calmly said, “What do you want me from me? I don’t like what you said but in your shoes I’d probably say the same thing to someone I didn’t know … probably didn’t want to get stuck with. The only thing that fixes this is I do my job, you stay off my back. We don’t need to like each other, we just have to be able to work together. If we can make a little profit at the same time then that’s icing on the cake.”

Evans chose that moment to walk up and I noticed that the other men had come to watch as well. “Maybe you ain’t gonna be the waste of skin you appear to be,” was his typically nasty comment.

Evening meal was some kind of barley soup that was more water than anything else, and a hard flat lump that was supposed to be a biscuit. “Geez, they’re going to have a mutiny on their hands if they don’t get some real cooks in there. We slopped our pigs better than this,” I muttered to myself.

Richards, the quietest of the men said, “Thought the same thing at first but take a good look around you. What are they going to riot with? These people turned in their guns when the feds showed up just so they could have a place in the caravan, like they didn’t need them any longer. Any extra supplies they had when we were leading things are now gone; used up or turned in for the apparent benefit of the entire group. When you were mentioning dependence that most appropriately sums it up whether you knew it or not. The feds want these people completely dependent on them for everything; more control that way. I think one of the reasons why they feed ‘em the way they do is to break them down, make them more pliable and easy to manipulate.”

Just as quietly since you never knew who might be listening I asked, “Is that why they are getting you guys … us … out of camp? To … I don’t know … make them think the feds are the only ones that can feed and protect them?”

Richards gave me a serious look. “Keep those types of thoughts to yourself boy. I’m not saying you’re wrong but it might not be the smartest … or healthiest … thing to say aloud where just anyone could hear them.”

*******

The next morning we headed out and I could really feel the extra weight of my part of the eight day’s worth of supplies. “You’re getting weak Rocky,” I snarled at myself. As soon as we were out of sight of the caravan I pulled out a bag of peanuts, put a handful in my pocket and then told the guy in front of me … I was bringing up the rear again … to pass it up.

When it got to the front Thor turned around and I thought I was going to have to duck as he stomped back towards me. “What the Sam Hill are you up to?”

“I’m … hungry,” I told him like he was a slow child. “I can’t eat if y’all don’t. Whatever that grey stuff was that they fed us on our way out didn’t stay in my stomach long enough to even be missed. You want me to move cars all day then you let me eat. Me and protein are good buddies. Without it I get cranky. You want peace in the world then you let me do what I gotta to avoid cranky.” I was also close to my monthlies which tended to give me the munchies but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

He opened his mouth and I said, “If you don’t like peanuts or are allergic to them or something I’ve got raisins or I think there is a chocolate bar in my pack someplace. Take your pick.”

Barkley, with a twinkle in his eye, interrupted us. “Well, at least now we know what’s been up Thor’s back. He needs his protein.” After we both turned to glare at him, “Kid, stop causing a ruckus. If everyone stays quiet I’ll see if I can’t get us some protein that is still walking around and we’ll add it to our rations for dinner.”

I knew Thor wanted to pop me one but I couldn’t imagine why he hadn’t. Some of the other guys must have been thinking the same thing if the looks on their faces were any indication. An hour later we ran into our first roadblock but since this one only involved two cars it wasn’t hard to move off to the side.

The only problem came when we found out their bumpers were locked. I was getting frustrated then had a thought. I kicked in the tail lights on one side enough to break out the whole unit then I reached in, felt around and sure enough the tire iron and jack had just been tossed in the trunk. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. I stuck the jack down between the two cars and then started opening it up. It took some muscle but I finally got the bumper of one of the vehicles to tear off enough that I could stomp it off the other side. Finally the two vehicles were free of one another.

I stood there sweaty but pleased with myself then looked up to find them all just staring at me. Rather than let it bother me I told Evans, “I felt what might have been bottles of water in that trunk. Might be useful if we can pop the hood.”

The older man got a wicked look on his face, pulled out what looked like an oversized screwdriver and a mallet and in less time than a honest man should have, he had the trunk open revealing a flat of water bottles and a 12-pack of store-brand cola. Evans rubbed his hands together and starting with Thor divided the booty up. I was low man on the totem pole so all I got was two bottles of water and one can of cola. “You got the room for that jack? Might come in handy.”

I told Evans, “I’ll make room.” That happened off and on throughout the day. We had the worst time at the intersection of highways 30 and 189. It was in the middle of this little town called Diamondville and something bad must have gone down. There were bodies lying around and some of them still smelled. I pulled a bandana up over my nose and mouth to try and cut the worst of it, especially when some of the cars we were trying to move still had bodies in them.

The lack of good food was telling on the older men’s energy levels and I was pretty done in myself but more hungry than anything. The stress of being on guard in case any live person suddenly jumped out from the buildings on either side of the streets didn’t help; we weren’t worried about the dead ones. Thor looked around and said, “Let’s find a roof for the night.”

All the men headed towards the Fossil Butte motel while I headed towards the Pizza Hut. Chuckri laughed and asked, “Boy, everything revolve around your stomach?”

I gave him a disgusted look. OK, so I had been thinking of food but only as in finding some but not actually cuddle up to sleep with it. “I’m going to see if they got any flour and condiments in that joint. If they do we can make campfire pizzas to go with the ground squirrel Barkley bagged.”

Chuckri looked at Thor, grinned and changed course. “Boy, you better not be telling tales about that pizza.”

Still irritated I snapped, “I ain’t lying about nothing. I was in Venture Scouts and we used to fix it all the time.”

“Ain’t never heard of Venture Scouts,” Evans said, joining us as well as we moved across the street, still eyeing the area to make sure we didn’t get caught flat footed.

“Run by the BSUSA organization but they operate in crews instead of troops and dens … biggest difference is most crews are co-ed.”

Evans, ever the gentleman said, “Whooeeee. Never heard of that growing up. I wouldn’t have minded camping with me a girl to cuddle up to. You’ve led a blessed life son.”

What do you say to a guy that seems to enjoy being just as big a donkey’s backside as he can get away with being? I’d already run into more than my share of chauvinist pigs in this life but Evans had to take the cake; he skipped the chauvinist part and went straight to just plain pig.

The inside of the restaurant was a little tore up but not too bad. All of the refrigerated condiments had gone over from the smell of things but the dough mix was in a separate cooler and the sauce was in cans on metal shelves in the back. I grabbed a sack of dough mix and tossed it up on my shoulder and was wondering how to carry the sauce, oil, powdered parmesan and the pans I wanted when Chuckri said, “Stop trying to do everything yourself kid. Evans can grab the pans and I’ll grab the rest.”

The pizzas weren’t pretty but they filled the hole in my belly better than anything had since San Francisco. The men didn’t seem to mind them either. Barkley had coated the ground squirrel pieces in some dough mix and fried them and I’d pulled the meat off of my pieces and put them on one of the pizzas. I’d never heard of squirrel pizza but it wasn’t bad at all.

When everything was done and cleaned up I took off to look in a couple of the buildings along the street. A rumble warned me that Thor had joined my exploration. “Buddy system. You walk off by yourself, something happens …,” he left the sentence to hang. It didn’t take an Einstein to understand what he meant. “You just curious or you looking for something in particular?”

Actually I had been after some extra feminine stuff but his presence was going to make it more difficult. I made up something for his benefit anyway. “Ziploc bags. They’re dead useful and might come in handy if we have to start splitting stuff up or if we run into bad weather.”

He gave me a look and said, “Might not be bad to think of a few other things we might wish we had.”

I muttered, “Yeah, like foot powder for Evans’ shoes.” The man’s feet had nearly knocked me out the previous night and I was two tents down from him.

That rusty laugh escaped from Thor’s mouth again before he thought better of it. “Might not be a bad idea,” he agreed. “We could all use clean socks now that you mention it.” As we entered the Kemmerer Pharmacy I realized the place looked untouched. Like a zombie I walked back toward the back and jumped the counter. I took the flashlight and looked for the names of the medications that Nana and Jonathon had needed and sure enough there was a small supply of most of them.

Something inside me seized up. I jumped back over the counter and stumbled down the aisles looking without seeing. Then I fell to my knees and was doing everything I could not to act like a girl. I was slamming my fist into the floor and the pain felt good and I just kept doing it. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind in a bear hug and I started fighting.

I’d like to say that I gave as good as I got but though I was able to lift my opponent off his feet using leverage that’s all I managed to do. The grip became crushing and I was starting to see dots as the air was literally being squeezed out of me. “Knock it off kid or I’m going to wind up hurting you.” When I realized it was Thor I stopped fighting and he released me. I was breathing like a horse that had been run too long and hard.

“You done?” Thor asked in a conversational voice.

I just looked at him still trying to hold in the desire to cry. I stepped away from him as fast as I could and backed straight into Barkley and Richards. Richards said, “You aren’t an addict. The drugs you were looking at were common for heart ailments and asthma.”

When I jerked in the direction of the voice that I hadn’t expected Barkley got in my line of vision drawing my attention too. He said quietly, “Richards is the closest thing we have to a medic. He’s also a shrink when we aren’t in the guard so spill it son and get it out in the open or he’ll use a can opener and get it out anyway.”

I could not do what I wanted to. I wanted to cry and tell them I wanted my Mom and Dad. I wanted to tell them I missed my best friend so much it felt like my chest was being ripped open. Instead I had to remember who I was supposed to be and pray to God the store was dark enough they couldn’t see how I really felt. Just to be on the safe side I walked a few paces away from there and faced the darkest corner of the store. It took me three times but I finally said, “If I could have gotten them here, that was the medicine they needed. It would have been enough to get to the next spot. Jonathon’s grandmother had … she had … a friend put some back for them a couple of different places along our route home.

Richards said, “I’m going to tell you something and you won’t thank me for it right now but it is something you need to take in before this eats you up.” After a moment to make sure I was listening, “You can’t save everyone. No matter what you do or how strong you are, you can’t save them all. Even if you could I’ve learned there are some that perhaps shouldn’t be saved. What quality of life would your friends have had? Eventually the medicine would have run out. What then?”

“I would have figured something out? I … I …”

“No son. You couldn’t have. And even if it wasn’t the medicine they would have been considered weak. In the world we are faced with right now they would have been prime targets.”

“No one ever bothered Jonathon when I was there!” It wasn’t quite a wail but it was too close to one so I shut my mouth. I realized my fists were balled so tight I could barely feel them anymore and I forced myself to relax. When I had the best control I could pretend to have I said, “It doesn’t matter. I can’t go back and change it. They’re gone and I’m just gonna have to live with it. Just … just leave me alone.”

I walked to the back of the store. If I thought I could have gotten away with walking out of the store I would have but while I might have been what my mom called “distraught,” I wasn’t stupid; Thor stood between me and the door and I thought right then wasn’t the time to push my luck. Slowly I realized what I was staring at was what I’d come into the store for in the first place.

I walked back to the front to see all three men talking quietly and reached over the store counter and grabbed a few plastic bags. I walked back and started dumping stuff in the bags from here and there. I caught my reflection in the mirror of the sunglass carousel and I heard my mother’s voice say, “Careful Rocky or your face is going to stick like that.” I wondered to myself whether that wasn’t a lot more true than not.

“Give me one of those bags kid,” came Thor’s quiet rumble. I handed him one without looking at him.

“I sent Richards and Barkley next door to do a little recon in there. You got something you wanna say? Spit it out.”

I licked my lips and asked, “Am I still part of the team?”

Thor shook his head. “That it? That’s all you got to say?”

Knowing I had a drumming coming to me I told him, “Me saying sorry ain’t gonna fix it. All I can do is prove I’m not … weak … like I was acting. It’s done. I won’t let it happen again.” I wanted to say more in my defense but I wasn’t sure there was any excuse for what I’d just done.

“Look kid …”

When he stopped talking I turned and looked at him. He just shook his head. “You’re @#$% straight this better not happen again. Everyone of us has lost friends … good friends. You say your goodbyes and then you carry on. Do it in their memory if that makes you feel better but you don’t fall apart and take other people with you. Got it?”

“Yes sir.”

“Aw $%&@, drop the sir. You make me feel like your ol’ granpappy and I ain’t. Give me them bags. You got three minutes to pull yourself together then I want you outside looking alive. I don’t want Richards thinking I’m kicking the puppy. Got it?” he asked giving me a hard look.

I nodded my head and gave him the bags as ordered and he walked swiftly out of the store. I knew this was likely the only chance I was going to get so I stuff the oversized pockets of my BDUs with the personal stuff that I had come in for in the first place, zipped the pockets closed and left the building just as Thor looked like he was about to get irritated.

I was careful to stay in control the rest of the night. I divided up the remaining dough mix and double bagged it in Ziploc bags and gave each man some to add to the rations that we’d brought with us. Richards looked over what I’d pulled out of the store and nodded and tossed each men toothpaste, small bottles of mouth wash, soap, hand sanitizer, Gold Bond powder, deodorant, chap stick and a few other things. For his part he used some of the zip bags to store the medications he’d collected from the pharmacy earlier. We were also given individual first aid supplies. There were socks to divvy up and some of the men had also taken the opportunity to pick up clean clothes to replace the ones they’d been wearing for a while.

Since we had the opportunity we skipped the tents and stayed at the motel. Some men doubled up but most were happy for the privacy. I used mine to take a spit bath using the water from the toilet tank and to repack my things. I also got rid of the old strips of cloth I was using and cut a large ace bandage down into lengths that would work for what I needed.

I went to bed fully clothed and it wasn’t until the next morning, after being rudely awakened by a boot to the door of the room I was sleeping in, that I found out Richards had taken me out of the guard duty rotation. I was determined to not let that happen again. Not only did I worry that they’d think I was soft and start wondering about things I didn’t want them wondering about, but it was a pride thing too. No one was going to think I couldn’t take it, not because of something I did or didn’t do. For the next five days I worked as hard or harder than any of the other men.

After Diamondville we had to sleep on the open road a couple of nights. In this place called Carter … population 8 if the sign was to be believed … we broke into a utility shed to get out of a late snow storm. That night was no fun. And neither was the next day as we worked in the mud caused by the melting snow. The sixth day found us tired and dirty and preparing to wait at Fort Bridger State Historic Site.

Thor gave us the remainder of the day to pretty much goof off if we wanted to. I was glad to have it because as promised my monthly had arrived and I was not in the mood to handle Evans’ goads he was always making. So while the guys pulled out an old set of horseshoes they’d found I hung out around historic museum which wasn’t too far from the historic outhouse. I figured if anyone asked I’d say too much fiber or something like that.

Sure enough Evans had to look me up and start poking the bear. I was really close to making him sorry he hadn’t chosen a different past time when Chuckri gave a piercing whistle. Evans may have been the back end of a donkey but he moved just as fast as the rest of us when necessary.

Chuckri and Thor were looking up when we got out to the parade grounds. I heard it before I actually saw it. It was the sputtering, dying motor of a small airplane. How one had survived the EMP we never found out because by the time we found the wreckage of the downed machine the pilot and passenger were both dead. There was nothing special about either one of them; two harmless looking, middle aged men. There was nothing special about anything in the plane either. You could see where the rear seats have been removed and the whole thing stripped down, possibly to lighten the load so less fuel would be needed. Other than that nothing. I got tired of listening to the men BS over the mystery and went to my tent … set up in the museum just because I felt like it … and tried to get some extra rest.

I was dozing when I heard the footsteps. I cracked my eye open and immediately recognized the giant well-worn shoes that belonged to Thor’s feet. I groaned without meaning too. In returned Thor chuckled and said, “Well, at least we know you ain’t dead.”

I crawled out thinking I’d left some chore undone but I couldn’t imagine what. “Easy kid. Just checking on you.”

Concerned I asked seriously, “You still think I need babysitting?”

That got me a look and then he said something I hadn’t expected. “Kid, whether I want it or not you’re my responsibility. I take my responsibilities seriously.”

I told him, “I’m not going to flip out again.”

“I’m not saying you are … ain’t saying you aren’t either.” After a pause he asked, “What did you make of the plane?”

“An unsolvable mystery.” When he raised an eyebrow I told him, “No IDs, no papers, no maps, no nothing. If I had to guess I’d say they didn’t come from very far away and the trip planned was a short one because there weren’t any supplies in the plane either. I’d say where ever it is, it is probably a place low on the right kind of fuel because I didn’t see any extra. The trip was either one way or where they were going to had at least enough fuel to get them back. Plus the plane had been stripped of most anything unnecessary, and Montgomery said the tank was nearly dry too. Since I’m not Sherlock Holmes I doubt I’m going to come up with the right answer with that little bit of input.”

He snorted, “Better than some of ‘em came up with. Most of ‘em didn’t even take the fuel issues into account until Alfonso brought it up.” I just shrugged.

“Listen kid, you ain’t doing half bad but we are about to get into some rougher territory coming up. And at some point we’ll likely run into people.”

“I thought we would by now what with all of the empty cars all along the road.”

“Nah. There ain’t nothing for folks out in this area. More than likely people just started walking, realizing after a while that no one was coming to the rescue. I bet if we walked off into the terrain on either side of the road we’d find some human remains. But that ain’t our problem; all we’re concerned with is getting the road clear enough for the caravan. Speaking of which, we’ve all agreed that we don’t say nothing about nothing except what a rotten hard job clearing the road is. The plane is a curiosity they can find for themselves after we get outta here. And we don’t mention any of the ... requisitioning … we’re doing either. I’ve sent Chuckri and Montgomery to cache most of the extra supplies we’ve got left over. We’ll pick them back up on our way down the road after we’ve gotten another eight days worth.”

I told him, “Make sure Evans doesn’t jingle around any of the guys in uniform once they get here, they might get suspicious.”

That brought a round of cussing that would have embarrassed a navy cook. He aimed a kick at a trash can then missed on purpose. “How often?”

“Is he getting sticky fingers? At first he was taking a lot and it didn’t seem to matter what. Last couple of days I noticed he’s been a lot more selective. I stay away from his when he starts taking stuff off the dead bodies though; I saw him yank a good sized diamond ring off one of them yesterday.”

Another round of cussing and then he stood still for a moment before saying, “Anyone else know?”

I shrugged from my seat on the floor. “I ain’t asked and no one has said. I just figured it was Evans being Evans and that you and Chuckri knew what was going on.”

“From now on kid don’t assume I know anything. Come tell me.”

“I’m not a tattle tale.”

“And this ain’t the school yard. That crap could bring down some serious trouble. Desecrating the dead is no small matter and could be used against all of us. Anything else you think I should know about?”

I gave him a suspicious look.

“Kid, I can’t be everywhere at once. I have to trust these men to do their job which means I’m willing to look the other way about some things but I still want to know about them in case they turn into problems I have to deal with. You tell me but if it comes down to it, your name’ll stay out of it.”

I snorted, “Why would you think I’d know anything?”

“Because you ain’t near as stupid as you let people think you are,” he told me seriously.

This man saw way too much and it made me nervous. “You and Chuckri are the only ones that credit me with any brain cells. Richards only sees me as a potential mental case, which is pretty much my own fault I admit. The rest of them only see me as ‘the boy’ or ‘the kid.’”

A wise smile flitted across his face, “Tell me that ain’t suited your purpose.”

He was starting to make me very nervous so to distract him I told him some of the things I’d seen. “Montgomery and Alfonso both have flasks of what smells like hard liquor that they refill every chance they get which is surprisingly often all things considered. I never realized booze made for such a popular car accessory these days. Richards must think antacids are one of the basic food groups the way he eats them. Barkley has more knives than most people have sense and I don’t even want to know where all he is hiding them. Chuckri has the weirdest taste in boxers I’ve ever seen … Oscar the Grouch? Seriously dude.” I shook my head reminding myself to find Chuckri a smaller belt so his pants would hang higher than the middle of his hips. “And in addition to sparklies, Evans is getting a pretty good porn library going that he’s selling reader subscriptions for.”

Thor stood there for about three heart beats before he busted out laughing. Apparently it was an uncommon occurrence as three of the men came running in and then just stood there with their mouths hanging open. He finally just shook his head and they all went back outside leaving me to finally get comfortable and fall asleep.

The caravan showed up before noon the next day. We were hustled into what they called a debriefing, given new supplies and then ordered to start on the next leg.

As we were escorted down the road and then after we’d all but been driven out of sight of the caravan I asked, “How come they don’t want us talking to the refugees?”

Richards replied, “He who controls information, controls the world.”

At my blank look he added, “They decide what information gets out to the caravan and what doesn’t. They’re in control. Sort of like when the government would put pressure on the news organizations to keep some story under their hats until they said they could release it.”

Evans of all people seemed to get it best. “If we’re not around we can’t contradict anything they decide to tell the refugees. Control. Power. It’s about those two things and nothing more.”

I rolled my eyes. “If I had stayed with the caravan I probably would have been in all kinds of trouble by now.”

A couple of the men snorted and I heard Thor mutter soto voice, “Ain’t we lucky we got you instead.”

Two days and we made it to this place called Lonetree. Another day after that we made it to Burntfork and Thor called a meeting, “We got three days to travel sixty miles to Green River. I’m hoping that we don’t run into much because McKinnon Road is way off the beaten path. But listen up people, Chuckri said he caught sight of people … live ‘uns … twice today. They might be tracking us, they might not. From here on out though you step soft and don’t take anything without my say so. We may be stepping into someone else’s territory.”

 

[methos]

This is truly one of the most unique and enjoyable stories I've read, glad to see you repost it. Its a must read everyone, like I have to tell you that!

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 8

We woke up the next morning and the day looked about as promising as any I’d had in a while. I was in such a stupid good mood I started breakfast and made potato cakes that I mixed squeeze cheese into as well as shredded beef jerky we’d pull off the back shelf of a middle of nowhere convenience store. The front of the store had been trashed but Evans is nothing if not thorough when looking for potential valuables and he is the one that discovered the closet storage.

I was the only one in a good mood it seemed. I’d learned to give the men a wide berth because most of them took a while to turn human; most were still dealing with caffeine withdrawals and that is the one thing we hadn’t found any of except for a couple of dried out packages of instant Nescafe in the glove compartment of an old Volvo that had been knocked sideways after clipping a concrete median barrier. Breakfast turned out to be the only decent thing that happened that day.

Where we should have turned north at McKinnon Road there were not one but three jackknifed semi tractor trailers blocking the road, and one of those was pulling a piggy back. The trailers of all had been emptied and all of the cars in the surrounding areas also looked like they’d been picked clean. It definitely wasn’t done by animals so that told us there were people in the area and we doubled our alert status which had already been high.

“Don’t look like we have any choice. Rocky, give me that map again,” Chuckri ordered. He and Thor then went over possible routes. It wasn’t rocket science, we were going to have to take SR530 which was going to add about 15 miles to the ones we already needed to travel until we could stop. But what choice did we have? The other problem was how to notify the caravan of the new route. In the end we opted to scratch or carve it into a bunch of surfaces. The more surfaces the more likely someone was to see it and less likely that someone would be able to obliterate all of it without giving themselves away.

I tried burning it into a couple of the cars’ surfaces using hand sanitizer but it didn’t work as planned; the sanitizer burned but once it was gone the surface below remain pretty well unharmed, a little etched but that’s it. Vaseline didn’t work either; it only works as a fire starter when mixed with dryer lint or a cotton ball and I had neither one handy which had me kicking myself for leaving that stuff behind in the pharmacy when I had the chance to grab it. I ended up doing it the old fashioned way by taking the tire iron and gouging the heck out of any surface that got in my way. That nearly included Evans after another series of his trademark lameness had my head pounding.

We’d wasted some time but not as much as it would have taken if we’d had a really big smash up to fool with so we hoofed it to US530 and walked into the high desert landscape that bounded the west side of Flaming Gorge National Recreation Area. I suddenly understood why no one had wanted to go this way. It wasn’t just that it added a day to the caravan’s time but it was dry and desolate. There was some greenery around but nothing edible for humans. The road was a couple of miles from the reservoir on that side so we didn’t even have that to eliminate the emptiness of the landscape. After a while the rocks started looking alike and I was glad that there was a fairly decent road to follow or I would have gotten lost and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

That night we camped out in a windstorm which made a fire impossible. I mixed together some peanut butter, oatmeal, and raisins after most of the men had gone to sleep in a bad humor. I was on first watch. The wind bothered me because it whistled and moaned so much I was completely dependent on my eyes. Something was giving me the willies and then I noticed a couple of odd flickers of light to my right. I couldn’t tell how far away it was and deciding to move for a better look when something flew at me from my left side.

“Crap!” was all I managed before I was in a fight for my life.

I don’t know who was growling and making more noise, me or the dog that had clamped onto my left wrist. Trying to wrench free I felt my wrist and hand go numb and then I was busy trying to keep the beast from taking out my throat. I managed to grab it by the fur and meat on either side of its throat and strong arm it away but it kept coming after me by raking it front nails in my scalp. I don’t know how but I got a leg up under its belly and then kicked it away and by the time it flipped to come back at me I had my bowie knife in my right hand and sank it deep in the beast’s throat like it had meant to sink its teeth into mine.

There was shooting going on around me but I couldn’t get up. I was starting to shake and feel numb. I looked down at the cuff of my shirt and it was ragged and bloody. But it was all still there despite the numbness. I cradled my wrist and tried to stand but Richards pushed me back down.

It was another couple of minutes before the shooting was over. I heard Chuckri curse in some language I didn’t understand – later found out it was Armenian, his grandparents had been Christian immigrants fleeing religious persecution and violence in their home country. Four of the men went in teams and made sure all the dogs were down for good while Richards started cleaning and examining my wrist. I don’t think he meant to hurt me but only Evans standing there waiting to make a comment kept me from jerking away several times.

When he was done and had me bandaged he forced me to take a couple of tablets from his pack. “I hope to God you aren’t allergic to anything Boy. This is the best I got when it comes to fighting the infection you’re bound to have.”

“No,” I told him, still shaky and sick to my stomach.

“Sit here, you’re shocky and I don’t want you crawling away until I say so.” The man might be quiet, might have even been a shrink, but he could put some steel in his words when he was inclined to.

After a few minutes Thor and Chuckri walked over while Richards was digging grit out of my scalp. I promise you that is even less fun than it sounds like. I tried to look up so I could see Thor and Chuckri’s faces but it was like having tunnel vision and I got real close to needing to puke so I just closed my eyes and told myself to breathe through my nose until it was over.

I heard Thor rumble something and then Richards’ voice saying, “Boy needs stitches but the bandaging will have to do. Mostly just lost the top layer of skin where the teeth racked him but he’s bruised too. Shock should wear off shortly but I want to keep an eye on him anyway, he’s not complaining enough. I’ve treated grown men with smaller wounds that acted like they were the victims of amputation sans narcotics.”

Someone walked away but it turned out it wasn’t Thor because I jerked my eyes back open when he bent down and asked quietly, “Anything else hurt besides the wrist and your head?”

I had to blink a couple of times to get my eyes to focus. “What was in those pills?”

“A mild painkiller and Augmentin. You allergic?”

“Naw, just not appreciating the buzz I’ve got. I hate when people do things for my own good.”

He snorted and said, “When that wrist starts singing tomorrow you’ll appreciate it. Wanna tell me what happened?”

I explained about the flickers and then jumped involuntarily when another shot rang out. I heard Alfonso called out, “Seventeen!”

“Huh?”

“Dog pack. Looks like strays though some of them do look like they’ve already got coyote in ‘em. Can’t tell for sure in this dark. Biggest pack of ferals I’ve ever run into … or heard of for that matter. Probably attracted to the smell of Evans’ pretty feet.”

“You only keep that particular direction up if you want me to hurl. We’ve got to find that man some new boots … and socks … and some Lysol maybe to soak his feet in … and …”

A rumble of laughter told me Thor was no longer worried that my brains were any more scrambled than before. “You’ll do. Come on, let me help you up then you do what Richards tells you and get some sleep and let the drugs wear off. You look like you’ve got a good one tied on.”

“Yeah, well don’t expect me to take the hair of the dog that bit me in the morning. Even for you guys that would be cruel and unusual punishment.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 9

The next morning was not one of the best I’d ever had. I’ve been injured on the field before so it wasn’t like I didn’t know what to expect; I’d just never had to cope completely on my own, my parents had always been there to look after me and help me. What made it worse was that for some reason I’d managed to irritate the men by getting hurt. I started to worry that maybe they’d guessed I wasn’t one of them. It was Evans that gave me a clue as we stopped for our first break of the day that maybe it was the opposite problem.

“Dumb #$% thing to do to get kilt by dogs,” he snarled at me reminding me rather unfortunately of the slobbering beast that had been at me the previous night. He kept on at me until I was beginning to wonder if the fumes off his feet had short changed him some oxygen and his brain had gotten damaged in the process.

“Evans will you knock it off? I’m not dead. If I was dead I wouldn’t be sitting right here being tortured by your infernal sermon. It isn’t my fault you had your sleep disturbed and you had to mix it up with those playful pups so lighten up already. Tell you what, next time I’ll let the beastie eat me; bound to be easier than having you drag me across the coals for something that wasn’t any of my fault,” I said doing some growling of my own.

Chuckri said in a mild voice that nevertheless got the point across, “If you two lovebirds don’t knock it off I’m gonna find you a chaperone.” Evans and I looked at each other in disgust, him for his reasons and me for mine. Thor chose that moment to tell us break time was over.

The stretch of the road we were on was desolate but that didn’t mean that there weren’t some cars that would have to be moved. I was doing OK but mostly because all I was doing was popping clutches or throwing cars into neutral and then pushing from behind with the strength of my legs. I had gotten into an old truck to put it in neutral so it could be rolled when a gust of wind banged the door into my wrist which was already swollen and thumping pretty good. I was running low on patience anyway as the men had been picking at me, again for no reason I could understand, and that dang ol’ door hurt.

I lost my temper and kicked the door open so hard I sprung it and then got out and kicked it two more times for good measure. I looked down and nearly went crossed eyed trying to keep from swearing; my wrist was bleeding through the bandage Richards had put on it after breakfast.

I pulled my cuff down to hide it as Richards started my way. “I’m fine, just throwing a tantrum. At least I didn’t bust all the windows like Thor did on that Caddie,” I said just trying to act like nothing was wrong. At the reminder the man gave an impatient shake of his head and went back to moving his own part of the mess off the road. “Knock it off Rocky. No one is in the mood for your mouth,” was his tired admonition.

The blood was starting to seep below my cuff and I needed to figure out some way to hide that too. Surprising me, it was Evans that saved my bacon. He came over like he was going to hurry the kid along with a stick but in a slick move he passed me a wad of good restaurant napkins and said beneath his breath, “There’s some duct tape in that work van over there. Come with me and help me go through it and I’ll cover for you. Just don’t take all day and don’t make it obvious.”

When it was all done I asked him quietly as I passed out things that might come in handy, “What is this going to cost me?”

The wicked gleam in his eye said that he appreciated my understanding and cutting to the chase. “Next two stashes you find, you call me over and I get first dibs and you let me divvy up whatever is left over.”

It was painless enough so I said, “Deal.”

It was a long day but we managed through sheer will to make it to the turn off to this place called Buckboard Crossing campground. I was bleary eyed with fatigue by the time we got down to the place. It was still light so some of the men decided to clean up using the water from the marina. All I wanted to do was crawl in my tent and go to sleep. It had been a long time since I had felt this rough.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Thor. That man was turning into a thorn in my side that was beginning to annoy me. I mumbled, “I’ve got middle watch. Just trying to get a little rest before hand.”

“You haven’t eaten.”

“Not hungry.” As soon as I let the words escape my mouth I could have kicked myself. I tried to cover it with a fast, “I’m saving it for …”

“Don’t even try it kid. You got a long way to go before you can pull one over on me. Get out here.”

I crawled out and tried to look nonchalant but that only got me a contemptuous look. “Barkley’s already got a net and a half dozen fish.”

“What?” I was amazed enough to look half alive. “Dang, is there anything he can’t catch? First those quick little boogers … the ground squirrels … and now a bucketful of fish just for thinking the thought.”

“Game warden.”

“Hmm?”

“In his old life he was a game warden. Knows his stuff.”

“Oh.” I was sitting there trying to act like I was interested in what he was saying. Suddenly I catch Richards sitting down on my left side and I looked at Thor. “Dude,” and I put every bit of annoyance into the word as I could. He just smiled and said, “Tough. And I’m sitting here until Richards is through with you.”

I’d at least gotten rid of the duct tape and napkins while I was in the tent but it had hurt like the dickens. Richards looked at my wrist and then looked at me but didn’t say anything. However, in what felt like punishment he wasn’t exactly gentle either. When he was done I really did need to go lie down but I got precious little sleep because of the pounding winding its way from my hand to my head. It was a relief to get up for my watch and a relief to lie back down after it too.

I did good to put one foot in front of the other the next day. I know I did work but how many cars I moved I couldn’t tell you if my life depended on it. I know I ate breakfast and then the evening meal but again I couldn’t tell you what I was eating. My arm felt hot and I knew my body was fighting an infection. My mouth was dry as I asked Evans what watch I was on.

“You’re night off kid.”

“Are you sure … wait … I’m not due an off night yet I …”

“Chuckri is trying a different rotation. He says it keeps us on our toes.”

Falling for it hook, line, and sinker I said, “Oh.” Then I crawled into my tent and I didn’t even bother taking my boots off. It couldn’t have been too late though when I heard strange voices. “You can’t stay here. This is our place. And besides, you’ll draw the dogs with your soft-sides.”

I heard Thor’s rumble but couldn’t understand what he was saying, things seemed to be shifting all funny.

Another voice answered him, this one female. “Look, I’m really sorry but we don’t have anything to share. You’ll have to leave.”

This time it was Chuckri who said, “We don’t want any of your stuff, just this piece of ground for the night.

There was some more rumbling and then I heard Evans yelp, “Silver?! You’re all jacked up. And we sure as #$%@ don’t have any gold!”

The voices were like needles piercing my skull. I reached into the money belt that had become my habit to keep around my waist and pulled out two little silver bars. “Sorry Jonathon, hope you understand buddy,” I said to the tent pole.

I crawled out and walked like a drunken sailor over to this little man whose eyes got big as butter bowls as I stumbled over. “Evans!” I bellowed making everyone look at me.

Evans couldn’t decide whether to laugh at me or swear because I was interrupting his bartering discussion. I grabbed his hand and slammed the two little bars down in it hard enough to make him wince and said, “Make … them … go … away. They’re noisier than them dogs were and no one can get any sleep.” I tried to go back to my bed roll but I didn’t quite make it. I tripped over my feet and just managed to sit down at a picnic table while trying to look like that’s exactly what I had meant to do.

“Whot’s wrang with heem?” came a heavily accented voice.

Evans said, “A sweet little pup tried to turn him into a doggie biscuit.” My forehead slowly descended to the top of the table while Evans went back to dickering.

“Hey mate, let’s see the ahm there.” I opened one eye to look into the face of someone that was too cheerful to be allowed to live. All that came out was a growl. “Right friendly little fella ain’t he?” the man said to someone on my other side that was too much trouble to look at.

“Rocky, you bite me and I’ll plant you.” Thor. So caring. So kind. If I had had the energy to show him how much I appreciated his concern I would have willingly done so. The big ape.

Someone, Thor I expect, lifted my arm onto the table and I focused on not puking. I hated puking. It is just about the most undignified thing I can imagine … not to mention people who are nearly six feet tall have a lot of puke volume and projection capability.

After a little while I hear the accent say, “Your mate’s got an infection but I expect that’s no surprise to you. I’m gonna give heem a shot that’ll put ‘em out for a full day most like. Let ‘em sleep it off. Unless he develops a fevah he should turn the corner right quick after that.”

The last thing I remember was being stuffed back into my tent then at some point during the night having Thor stick his head in the tent and me telling him, “If I die, remind me to tell you something.”

*******

I woke up feeling like I was going to puke … not from being sick but from hunger. I noticed that despite the relatively cool weather I’d sweated through my clothes and I stank pretty bad. I didn’t hear anything outside, nor anything identifiable off in the distance. Wondering if they’d left me behind I pushed my tent’s flap to the side and was startled to see all the men sitting around moping.

“Geez. Somebody die?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I had meant to say it out loud but it sure got a reaction.

I started crawling out and I had more hands of helping me up than I knew what to do with.

Evans said, “Kid, you do that again and I’ll kill ya.”

He was a little too cheerful when he said it. I responded with, “Well, as soon as you tell me what I’m supposed to have done I’ll do my best to avoid it.”

“Pshaw,” which of course meant absolutely nothing to me and only confused me more.

I was forcibly parked at the picnic table while my hand was suddenly filled with my canteen. When what I thought was water hit my lips I found something both sweet and salty. “Drink it.” That was Richards.

It quenched my thirst and most of my hunger for the time being. “What’s up? Is the caravan here yet? Have we had the debriefing? Why isn’t anyone packed up?”

They told me that I’d been out of it for over twenty-four hours, that the caravan was late … probably due to the route change … and that we were in the town of Green River and there was a sizeable community here that had decided to tolerate our presence and that they’d already heard about the federal refugee caravan and had agreed to let them stay in the same park that we currently occupied.

I was just starting to wonder if I had the energy to dig the bag of gorp out of my backpack when Thor, Chuckri, and another man walked up. Thor was looking like his thunderous namesake. I held up the hand that Richards wasn’t working on and said, “I know, I know. Evans has already promised to kill me if I do whatever it was I did again.”

All the big man said was, “He’ll have to wait in line.”

The other man grinned and I vaguely recognized the excessively cheerful man. I groaned, “Not you again.”

He didn’t act like he was offended. In fact he seemed to think it was funny … but I wasn’t quite sure that I’d meant it to be. He was a professor from some university somewhere that had been at the Rec area on vacation when everything unraveled. He and his family were doing well enough and were actually happy about no longer living in the big city even if they were having to start over. I wasn’t really listening to his rattling on as I was concentrating on not feeling all the poking and prodding he was doing to my wrist.

“Swellings almost gone. At night when there’s less chance of getting it dirty you need to let the wound air.” He then ignored me and continued talking to Richards while I promised God that I’d be a good girl for the rest of my life if they would just leave me alone for a while.

Apparently in exchange for his services, Richards had bargained a bit of his time going over the few psychotropic meds they had in stock. That and the silver that I had passed to Evans was giving us and the caravan safe passage between Green River and the next small town called Rock Springs.

I spent the rest of that day trying to get loose from my babysitters. I needed a little privacy to get myself cleaned up and it was tough to come by. I had to use the men’s bathroom of course but that meant being prepared to share space with a species that didn’t seem to have the same privacy issues that real females had. I nearly died three times over trying to change fast enough I didn’t get caught and then getting stuck in the john with a couple of zipper users. All right, I’ll admit that my limited experience … OK zero experience due to circumstances not really beyond my control … had me dealing with a little temptation to see what all the fuss was about but had I gotten caught looking I would have probably gotten some pretty strange looks in return. In the end I just walked out looking straight ahead and trying not to catch anyone’s eye.

We traded a few items we’d found and been dragging around plus a little of our wheat and corn that someone said they were going to use for seed; in exchange we got some canned fruit. We all got a canned peach half and I used the left over juice to marinade a small canned ham I had left from Nana’s stash. We also had rice and beans. I could have eaten the whole pot myself and then some I was that hungry by the time the evening meal rolled around. In the end I was more tired than hungry and was again excused from guard duty to rest up. I knew pay back would come eventually but I wouldn’t be any good with a rifle for a little while yet anyway.

The caravan showed up the next day and they were looking the worse for wear. Apparently there had been a minor mutiny and some people had been “dealt with” as the feds were wont to do. We got debriefed, re-supplied, and out of there as fast as we could get. The emotions coming off the refugees didn’t bode well for long term peace and harmony of that group. We still had about 225 miles until Laramie and we wanted to put as many of them between us and the caravan as quickly as possible.

All we did that first day was walk. The communities of Green River and Rock Springs had cleared most of them already and the few that were left … like those from a three car fire … could be detoured around, if not quickly at least safely. Even with me holding us back we were able to get well on the other side of the county airport but most of the last stretch was due to a farmer who was willing to barter the lift for the muscle to get one last pile up from blocking his main gate. We camped on the hillside beside this gate and I finally started feeling less like there was something hanging over my head waiting to crash down.

The next day we made it to Point of Rocks, Wyoming which is an old stage coach stop. There wasn’t anything there anymore except for the Jim Bridger Power Station that was a pretty big coal-fired electrical generation facility. It was all shut down and looking haunted but the farmer had said that people were going out there and taking what coal was left in the train yard to use in their houses or to store for next winter since it wasn’t likely that the feds would have everything cleaned up by then. I snagged up a few pieces of coal and put them in a baggie. If nothing else they might be useful keeping a fire going at some point. Several of the other men did the same.

The map showed us that Hwy 30 and I80 were the same thing in that area and as expected our distance traveled drastically fell as we ran into the bumper to bumper traffic remains. It took us two days to travel from Point of Rocks to Table Rock for a total of 24 more miles. Between Table Rock and Red Desert we had even more fun as there was construction on top of everything else making it very hard to move vehicles over far enough to allow the caravan to pass. We barely made ten miles that day.

With one day left we only got eight miles into the town of Wamsutter. We were supposed to be much closer to Rawlings but there was just no way to have made that happen. We used what was left of the sixth day to forage around in the empty town … finding some bicycles helped with that … and we also sent the stuff we’d been collecting on ahead to be cached since we’d run into space empty of people again. Enough of the cars still had bodies in them that Richards surmised that one of the weaponized germs had come through the area so hot that it burned out before it could spread as far as Green River.

The smell of the area was getting to me so it was with relief that I saw an advance guard from the caravan pull up for a debriefing and with our supplies. On second thought when I realized how slim the resupply was I nearly said something until Evans caught my eye and gave a brief shake. He and I still weren’t friends but as I’d come to accept him for who he was our exchanges had become less irritating. Don’t get me wrong, his feet still knocked flies out of the air, but I also managed to learn a few things from him too like breaking and entering in three easy steps, determining whether car theft should be a hobby or a career, and where people were most likely to hide their valuables.

Since it was in our own best interest to get going that’s what we did but I had to ask once out of earshot, “Did anyone else get the feeling that they were a little too anxious to send us on our way?”

Evans answered me with, “Something’s sure up. We’re gonna get hungry if we don’t find us a deer, elk, or something though they might be stringy and tough right here after a hard winter. I know we keep finding snacks in the cars but Rocky here is the only one that is young enough to appreciate all them empty calories.”

I looked at him like I was seeing a side I hadn’t expected. He laughed unexpectedly and said, “@#$% kid you’re gullible.”

The other men laughed at my expense which was fine by me. I was just glad that they weren’t snarking at me all the time anymore. I looked down at my wrist. Everything was almost one hundred percent again but I’d carry the scars for life. I had others on my body but not quite this obvious and the part of me that was still a girl wondered just how ugly they would stay.

I brought the attention back to my question, “But seriously, weren’t they acting kinda more weird than normal?”

Thor, backing up Chuckri’s point position said, “Yeah. Yeah they were. Something must have happened and either they’ve lost feds or they’ve lost refugees … either way they didn’t want us hanging around to see the main body come in. And Evans is right, keep your eyes peeled for some real food. We’re down about half what I figure we were due and they knew I knew but were all but daring me to say something about it.” After a pause he continued. “But listen up, none of that is our problem right now. Our job is to get the road cleared enough for them to get to Laramie. We’re down below a hundred and fifty miles now; that’s two, three weeks at most barring something getting in the way besides vehicles. The other thing we need to count on is running into more people.”

Barkley picked up the thread. “There have been sign that some have been around but can’t be anything too organized or more of the cars and trucks would be ransacked. That probably means only small groups of people, not necessarily stationary or not living close enough to carry off too much from any foraging operations. The game is slim … slimmer than I’d expect it to be … so someone is hunting, or maybe it was the bad winter. I don’t know what the normal wild animal populations were in this area to begin with.”

Thor picked it back up. “And with Laramie as close as it is we need to start thinking about what we do next. I’ve heard from some of you but I want all of you to think real good before making your final decision. Just to let you know, I’ve agreed to buddy with Chuckri to his home base in Missouri. We’ve both agreed that any of you would be welcome to tag along but as a group we never agreed to more than to get to Laramie. Just think on it.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 10

Yeah, that gave me a lot to chew on all right. I had thought it was going to be so simple. Cross the mountains with a group and then go my merry way. I hadn’t intended on getting … well attached I guess you would call it … to the people I was traveling with. I also hadn’t realize how hard and dangerous the trek would be. If I hadn’t been with these men I would have been puppy chow or I could have fallen to any number of other things along the road. Certainly there would have been an issue of supplies, sharing night watch, and loneliness. Now that harsh reality had made itself known I was running out of time to decide what to do.

I gave myself a deadline. We’d already cross the Continental Divide between Table Rock and Red Dessert. I’d missed it because construction had the sign down. We’d cross the Divide again right before we got into Rawlins. Before I got to there I wanted to talk to Thor and see if I was included in that “welcome to come along” statement or if it only applied to the real men.

We’d travelled two days and thirty miles and I was running out of time. The only time I wasn’t thinking about it was when Evans had me pawing through a vehicle looking for goodies to put in the bike trailers we all took turn pulling. Every day I found it amazing how little truly useful items people had gathered to take with them for the end of the world. But there were the occasional finds worth the trouble of their weight. What little food we found was usually eaten within a day or two of the find. It takes a lot of calories to feed eight people that have been doing hard labor all day. The bottles of water came in handy as well because natural water sources were few and far between. I had a feeling that was going to get worse once I was out on the Great Plains.

The night of that second day we were camped next to a pull out. For once Richards had another target. Evans had finally simply grossed everyone out so much that they’d appealed to Richards to see what could be done about the foot odor. Richards was really laying into Evans about the state his feet were in and had him sitting with his feet in a plastic pan that contained a strong solution of Lysol, water, and who knows what else. I was sympathetic as I had been the man’s focus often enough but not so sympathetic that I didn’t appreciate being out from under the microscope for the night.

The day had been a hard one and not just because we’d moved a car after car after car, some of which we just pushed over the edge and let them crash where they may however far down they went. What had been hard was the number of bodies that many of the vehicles still contained. The worst had been the school bus full of kids. Not even Evans had a snappy remark for that one. We were all a little morose and choosing to be more quiet than normal. I felt set apart, unable to release that part of me that exercising might have given me more comfort; there is something said for the release that comes from shedding tears. I needed some physical distance to make the emotional one from them men easier for me to handle.

I didn’t go far, just on the other side of some rocks so they were no longer in my line of sight. I’d been there maybe ten minutes and had begun to relax when Thor showed up. I prayed silently, “Please, please, please not another lecture.”

“Most of the other men have already given me there answers. You come up with one yet?”

I realized he was asking me about my traveling plans and it looked like my three days had turn to two. “I … I wasn’t real sure if … you know … I was … invited.”

He never once looked at me. “I couldn’t not include you.”

Oh great. At least now I had my answer. I sighed. “Thor, that tells me more than it doesn’t. I know I’m not part of your group of guys. I know you all got stuck with me. I know I’ve caused some problems. But I also did my best to carry my own load and help out. I thought maybe I was making up for my short comings.” I heard him rumble but interrupted him before the rumble could be put into words. “I’d wondered where I stood and you just told me. Don’t sweat it. As soon as the feds release the group …”

“Hey Kid … get off your duff and come give me a hand!” Evans. I stood up and went to go help.

“Rocky …” Thor started.

“Forget it. It’s better off all around now that I know where I stand. I can get my own plans figured out quicker.”

I tried real hard not to let my feelings be hurt. It was stupid really considering I’d already had my suspicions. Evans was so foul that everyone was just happy that I was the dumb sucker that got to deal with him. They stayed away and no one noticed if I was quiet by choice or quiet because I was trying to keep Evans from chewing me out even more.

Ten miles of back breaking labor the next day and we were in Rawlins. It was the biggest place we’d been to at a while but where the population of 10,000 souls went was anyone’s guess. It wasn’t until mid-morning of the seventh day that we got an inkling. Evans, scrounging around for some new boots so he could get Richards off his back, found a broadsheet from a small local newspaper. Apparently some threat, or more likely rumor of a threat, had been identified and the town had been evacuated … which also explained the miles upon miles of cars that apparently went in both directions of I80.

We ate well that night as there was still lots of canned food in the stores. It wasn’t all on the shelves, there was a lot just rolling around on the floors, but the town hadn’t been completely panic-stripped before people left town. But somewhere about my third bite I realized something was different and then I understood what it was. The gulf that I thought I had built a bridge across was widening. It wasn’t them against me or vice versa but it definitely wasn’t one for all and all for one either. I crawled into my tent, I had last watch and I knew it would be a while until I could fall asleep.

Three AM rolled around and the watch with the vibrating alarm woke me before anyone else had to. I’d found the watch in a pawn shop slash beer joint the day before and knew that if I was going to be on my own it would come in handy. I crawled out to find Evans taking a brush to his feet like he wanted to scratch the first couple of layers of skin off.

He groused quietly after Barkley had gone off to get some sleep. “If he’d just left me alone … I had it under control … now this stuff is driving me insane.”

“You’re making it worse,” I told him. “You’re breaking the skin, drying it out, and it more places to take up residence. Soak your feet in some more Lysol and then put some of that foot cream on them and then clean socks. The new boots should help.”

“My old ones were broke in.”

“Your old ones could petrify Medusa. Tell me you chunked ‘em.”

“Didn’t have any choice. Richards threw ‘em in the fire. And anyway, it’s too cold to soak my feet. I’ll catch my death.”

“Don’t be a baby. What’s worse? A running nose or itchy feet?”

After a lot of quiet moaning and groaning Evans finally finished soaking his feet and doing the other that I’d suggested. He said it was now too late to bother with going to bed as it would only make him more tired. “Hey, I meant to ask … why you think you can just go off on your own at Laramie?”

I did not want to have this conversation but it is pretty hard to ignore someone when they won’t let you. “You got some hot little cheerleader waiting for you back home that you afraid one of us will take?”

I snorted a quiet laugh, “Nope.”

“Then what’s up?”

I looked at him but he knew already which was a good thing because I wasn’t looking forward to another lie. “I’m not part of the team. I know that. You know that. Y’all have been good to me, I’ve learned stuff, but that doesn’t make me part of the team.”

“Kid …”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I interrupted him. “I appreciate it … even getting hassled … well some of the time anyway. But there was always going to be a time when I was going to get cut and released to find my own way. Laramie is just as good a point as any for that to happen. Really, what’s the sense in putting it off?”

Before Evans could answer my rhetorical question the sound of a heavy engine caught my ear. I stood up to try and figure out the directions while the other men went to wake everyone up. It was coming up too fast and then was forced to brake accordingly before losing control. It was the forward guard for the caravan.

“Dang. What spooked you?” I asked the driver who couldn’t have been much older than me.

“There are dead bodies everywhere,” he said before a more senior member of the guard could shut him up.

I tried to say as calmly as I could, “Better than live bodies I expect. They might cause more trouble.” That caught the guy’s attention and some of the crazy went out of his eyes. But that was the last interchange I was allowed to have with him as he was shifted to the back of the truck where they dropped off our supplies and told us to get.

Thor asked, “What about the debriefing?”

“We have our orders and they were to deliver these supplies and then send you on your way,” this from a heavily mustached man that looked like he’d seen way too much in way too short a period of time. It was like trying to talk to a wall to get anything else out of him so we packed our gear and got back on the road with one less day of rest than we had expected.

Adding the miles up gave us a hundred miles to Laramie and it looked like that might get eat up faster than I had expected it to. We made it to Walcott despite the distance because fifteen miles outside of Rawlins the traffic went way down. I was too tired to do much more than take my shift that night. I knew the men were tired as well but I felt like I was already being cut from the loop.

The next day we made it to Elk Mountain. There were people around but we all tended to stick to our groups rather than communicate with each other. I tried asking different groups what the road ahead was like but they treated me like … well they treated me like folks used to treat me when they found out I was a GWB, like I was a freak. Next town was Arlington and that’s where we ran into a road cleaning crew from Laramie and got some answers.

Yes, Laramie had been under the control of the feds but they’d been removed from control by the local citizenry when they tried to say that the Constitution was not applicable to the current situation. Times were hard in the surrounding area and there was quite a dust up when the feds were deposed. Infrastructure was non-existent but groups were trying to do what they could. The roads were being cleared. The dead were being given a decent burial. Orphans and the frail elderly were being cared for by their neighbors. Work crews were being put together to help gather items from vacant buildings and businesses so that it could be used as constructively as possible. No one single person or group was in charge but there was a main committee that held open meetings so anyone could make a concern known or get help in solving a problem.

Evans, nearly the only one of the men who I could still talk to, said over one of our late night discussions, “I’d be interested in knowing if those people behind us know what they are rolling into.”

I understood he was talking about the feds. I wondered, “And does this change things for us?”

“Huh?”

“You know, whether … I don’t know what to call it. Can they still threaten us in some way?”

“Oh … guess you didn’t hear Chuckri. Since we’d have to go through Laramie anyway to get into Nebraska we’re going to try and end the job on a civil note. No reason to make enemies if we don’t have to.”

Ouch. I guess they didn’t think I had any reason to know or care about it at this point. Or that I’d go along just like I always had. I refused to let Evans see that hurt like it did so all I said was, “OK.”

We were half way between Arlington and Laramie when that the truck that had been used by the forward guard caught up with us. The woman I’d met my first day was riding shotgun … but she wasn’t in uniform.

I’ll have to admit they made their BS sound all official. They even gave us a computer printed piece of letterhead with a bunch of numbers on it saying that we’d been released from activity duty and could return to our former command. Then they sped off like they were in a hurry to get someplace … or get away from something.

Reading the letter I said, “Good trick but I didn’t have a command. I could have made something that looked better than this thing using a little cut and paste and a cheap publishing program. They didn’t even spell my name right.”

Evans slapped my back and told me, “Don’t complain. It’ll do for what I need it for.”

For lack of anything better to do, the next day I followed them the rest of the way into Laramie. We arrived on what turned out to be market day. The streets were wall-to-wall people, buggies, wagons, and animals from the surrounding areas. I was still trying to figure out what I was going to do when suddenly a voice blasted in my ear.

“Charbonneau! Are you deaf?!” I knew that voice but was trying to place it. “Dang Rocky I knew it was you. Hair’s different but it’s still you.” I looked into the face and finally recognized who it was. The last time I’d seen him they were carrying him off the field on a stretcher. I’d sacked him during the play offs of my freshman year. Oh crap.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 11

Josiah “Fast Hands” Crabtree III … and he wasn’t just called “Fast Hands” on the field if you catch my drift. For some reason Joe … his preferred name … had taken a liking to me despite all of the controversy at the time. Even after our game we’d kept in touch via Facebook, ICQ, and Skype. I remember him saying that, “It’s a good thing that was the last game of my senior year or they would never have let me live it down.”

For Jo football had been a past time not a passion. After graduation he’d joined the military and left “to see the world.” I hadn’t heard from him in about a year because of the nature of his deployment. I had heard that he’d gotten injured but not to what extent. The eye patch was shocking as was the scar that ran from under the patch to his ear.

I thought all these things while I stood there with my mouth hanging open. His smile had started to falter when I said, “Joe? Is that really you?”

That lit him up. His pearlies were still as big and shiny as ever; he’d always reminded me a bit of a wolf like in that story. “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten me.”

“Not likely,” I muttered which caused him to laugh.

Then I turned around to see whether it was a problem I was holding the men up … only I wasn’t, because they weren’t there. I turned in a circle and saw them heading away at a pace that had folks parting like the Red Sea. What the heck? The only one that looked back was Evans who saluted in his smart aleck way and then turned it into a wave that was more subdued … and maybe I imagined it, but a little sad. He nodded before turning back around and never looking back again. I couldn’t believe it. The one guy that had given me the most grief was the only one that bothered to say goodbye.

“Hey, those friends of yours?”

It took me a second before I could say, “I … I guess not.” Then I pulled my defensive line together and said, “What are you doing here?”

“Came out here to help move my sister and her in-laws to my brother’s place in Nebraska. Aren’t you pretty far from home?”

“Not as far as I was. I was at a conference in San Francisco when everything started.” I still wasn’t ready to go into details, not that he’d asked, but at least I could say that much now without falling into a blue funk.

I was still trying to process that the men had just walked away, abandoned me. But then I reminded myself they didn’t know I was a girl, I was supposed to be an independent young man and apparently I’d pulled it off, maybe too well. On the other hand, out of the blue here was someone that knew I was a girl and before I’d had time to even worry that I was going to be outed it didn’t seem to matter anymore.

“Hey, you OK? You look a little shell-shocked. And what’s the deal with the hair, I thought you swore it would be Judgment Day before you would ever cut it.”

I sighed, “Long story.” Then I just kind of stood there trying to figure out what to do.

Joe saved me from having to think too hard. “Come on. I want to introduce you to my wife.”

I nearly swallowed my teeth. “Your what?!”

His grin got big and goofy. “Sheila.” One word but it told me either he was really and truly in love or something really close to it.

Joe wasn’t quite as big as I was but he was no small boy either and the years since highschool and whatever he had experienced had changed him into a grown man which gave him a certain presence that made up for his few missing inches. As we left the intersection where we had met I realized I was leaving another part of my life behind again; my childhood in San Francisco, my real female identity was buried with Jonathon, and now I was losing the one that I’d put together to replace the one I had buried. Who was I now? What was I now?

It took over an hour, and we weren’t really able to talk that much because of the crowds and noise, but finally we came to a quieter area. “So tell me, what’s a girl like you doing traveling with men like that?”

I heard the big brother tone in his voice and I had the sudden urge to laugh at the whole cosmic joke. “A girl like me wasn’t traveling with those men, a young man named Rocky was.”

He looked at me three times before he said, “Are you telling me that they never knew who you were? That you were a girl?”

And just as suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore. “They’re all dead Joe. All the people in the world I had to care about. I didn’t have anyone. And if any are left they are back home and that is all I’m trying to get back to. A girl by herself is going to be an easy target, even one my size … a girl in a group doesn’t stand that much of a better chance. I just didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. It’s not like people haven’t been mistaking for a boy for years.”

“Only the blind and the idiots,” he snorted. Then after looking me over, “Although, with your hair cut that way … and you’ve changed how you hold yourself too. I’d have to see you in action to see if you really pulled it off.”

“Trust me,” I said wryly. “I pulled it off. Those guys would have used any excuse to get rid of me.”

“I thought you said they were friends.”

After a pause I said, “You can get used to nearly anything. We were traveling companions. We worked together clearing roads. They were already a group of long standing before I came along.”

“Like that was it?” When I looked at him he said, “I’ve been there Rocky. You can be a buddy to someone without ever being able to create a friendship with them. It’s not your fault, it just is.”

I thought about it a moment and then said, “Yeah … maybe. Whatever it was it is over now. And I have to find some way to keep going without winding up dead or wishing I was. I’ve got a lot of miles ahead of me still.”

And he grinned again and said, “And I might just have a way to get you some further down the road. The team that was going to help me get my family to Llewellyn got made a better offer than I couldn’t top. I can’t pay much but I’ll feed you and you can travel with us. And I’ll have an extra hand that knows how to handle a gun and that I know is a team player.”

It didn’t even take me two seconds to decide. I stuck out my hand to shake on it and said, “Deal.”

*******

Two days later Joe’s sister’s family was as packed as the wagon could hold and the horses could pull. I had asked Joe to keep my identity to himself … or at least my sex. He insisted on telling Sheila but after meeting her I had no problem with it. She was everything I was not and could never be through no fault of my own or hers; but she was nice and didn’t mean to make me feel like the ugly stepsister of the Bride of Frankenstein. She was petite, fair skinned, blue eyed and graceful, reminding me that Joe had said she’d studied ballet until they’d gotten married.

Joe couldn’t find another team to help out that didn’t want an arm and a leg for their services so he teamed up with another family that was also heading to family in Nebraska and everyone agreed to share chores and security. The first night Joe, Orland who was the head of the other family, and I sat and looked at my maps and started planning the route. I was calculating mileage when I got my first shock.

“Why do you all keep saying take Hwy 30? Wouldn’t it be faster to continue on I80 and then cut north?”

Joe looked at me and said, “I guess you haven’t heard about Cheyenne.”

“Haven’t heard what about Cheyenne?”

“It isn’t,” Orland said.

“Isn’t what?” I asked

“Isn’t there.”

“Excuse me?” I asked thinking I couldn’t have heard what I thought I’d heard.

Joe said, “Well that’s not strictly true. Cheyenne is still there, mostly. But it’s messed up. Several smallish dirty bombs went off. Anyone that tries to go through that area either comes out sick or never comes out.”

“But …. But Laramie is only about sixty miles from Cheyenne. What are you all doing sitting here so calm about it.”

“They were underground detonations. The radiation is very localized for the most part. It was worrisome at first but what little bit made it this far dissipated as soon as we had that gully washer that settled the dust.”

Orland added, “But I will admit the thought of getting out of here and putting more distance between us and that place doesn’t exactly make me feel bad.”

For some reason that night I dreamed of Thor and the other men. We were at that same camp where I’d suggested that Evans soak his feet even at the risk of getting a cold. In the dream he was doing it again only the basin was full of blood and sores were creeping up his legs. “Bought me some new boots from Cheyenne. What do you think of them?” When he lifted his feet out of the water/blood they were nothing but bones. I sat up with a jerk.

“Just a dream,” I reminded myself. But the dream started me to wondering. And the wondering started me thinking.

No … they wouldn’t not hear about Cheyenne. They’d hear about it and go around. I hope they’d talk about it before they hit the road. But what if no one would talk back? Let them know?

There was absolutely nothing I could do about it but it still made me queasy. The memory of the dream bothered me; so did the realization that I was more hurt than I wanted to admit by the fact that they hadn’t bothered to feel like a real goodbye was in order. It left me feeling too much like a girl and that was something I could no longer afford the luxury of.

We started early the next day after a breakfast of biscuits and ham that had been fixed the night before. We headed out of town eventually getting on SR34. It was sixty miles to Natwick and it took us a week to get there. I had thought I was done moving road blockages but it was a good thing I hadn’t lost the skill. I had it down to a science and only rarely did I need some extra help. It isn’t that there were many roadblocks but the ones still there were vicious. Sometimes all I could do was move the debris just enough for the wagons to squeak by.

It wasn’t just the blockages. The wagons were loaded down. Eventually the families started unloading a few things to make it easier on the animals and safer on the uncertain conditions of the road. The first to go were the sofas and then the larger electronic items that really didn’t mean anything anymore; people were just holding on to them “just in case.” Dressers were left behind unless they were an antique or a good quality solid wood. Large bed frames and box springs were left on the side of the road and only the best mattresses kept.

Joe’s and Orland’s families weren’t the only ones doing this. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of a hillbilly flea market that someone forgot to clean up after. People learned fast what was a necessity and what was a luxury or they broke down and found themselves stuck on the side of the road; and there more than a few of them as well.

Horses, especially horses that could pull a fully loaded wagon, were precious property. As we travelled the road we heard of horse thieves and runaway animals which doubled the guards we had already set through the night.

The company was boring but I was still glad that I agreed to come along. Lightening the wagons and rebalancing some of the loads increased our speed. I could still keep up on foot but I was in shape for it.

Joe said, “Dang Rocky, how many miles did you say you had already done this?”

I shrugged, “I’ve lost count but it is bound to be nearing three-fifty.” I was all but inhaling the chili that Orland’s wife had fixed. It was the hottest chili I’d ever eaten in my life but it was so good I was willing to lose all the hair off my tongue to get the last bit out of the bottom of the bowl. “I’m still going slower than I expected to. Naw … don’t feel bad. We’re speeding up. What I mean is that I’ve still got a long ways to go even after I see you all off in Nebraska. I’ve got this little bit of Wyoming left and then all of Nebraska and Missouri and once I get that far I’m still looking and the whole length of Tennessee before I hit the winding roads of the Smokies. If I can get to Newfound Gap I’m going to try and use the Appalachian Trail to cut off miles, assuming I don’t have to hold up someplace for the winter.”

“Why not … why not stay in Nebraska. Sheila as a brother …”

I almost choked on the last bean. “Don’t start Joe. Though I appreciate the thought … I just …” I trailed off and then said, “I’m looking for where I belong.” I laughed and shook my head. “I sound like Dorothy; all I need are some ruby slippers.”

“I hope you change your mind Rocky. Sheila likes you too. You know where I met her?”

“No, last I heard you were into the red-headed twins of Toledo.”

He laughed, “That was a while ago and I doubt they’d be quite as happy about showing me off, not with this face.”

“Joe …”

He interrupted me, “You want to know what I didn’t let you know I was back?”

“It’s your business.”

“No … well it was … but … it was because you would totally understand how people looking at me funny and suddenly treating me like I was some kind of … of mutant or something made me feel. If you were there I couldn’t feel sorry for myself. You’d remind me that I didn’t have to let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do. What was stopping me was that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Losing the eye ended the only career I’d ever thought of having. My parents had property out here and they retired when I went into the military. I tried to bury myself out in the sticks but one time in town I met this cute little thing and … and she may be cute and she may be little but she is one of the strongest people I know.”

I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. “She’s seems nice. I can tell you two are good together.”

“Rocky … I wish you could find something like this.”

I’d met people like this before. They’ve found something or someone that has made them happy, not just happy but infinitely happy. In turn they wanted this for everyone around them. I honestly wasn’t certain if there was somebody for me like that out there. I hadn’t even thought about it much until Jonathon turned those thoughts on inside my head. I wasn’t comfortable with Jonathon pushing me and I was even less so with Joe trying to hook me up with a guy I’d never even known existed until he’d mentioned him. No, I sure wasn’t ready for what people were wanting me to find, I had too far to go and it was too uncertain I would get there.

Lucky for me Sheila called him over to check the ropes on one of the wagons and that left me to walk around the area we were camped in before getting ready for first watch … and relieved that I was able to make my escape.

Another week, two detours, and sixty miles found us camped on the grounds of the old Ft. Laramie national historic site. We weren’t the only ones so Joe and parked the four wagons in a square except for the opening we walked the horses through. It was tight quarters but they were placid animals. It meant that no one could simply cut their pickets and walk off with them.

It was a rough night and I got very little sleep. A large group came in with liquor and there were brawls and loud racket off and on until about three in the morning. Joe muttered to me, “If they’ve got enough energy to cause this kind of trouble they aren’t working hard enough. I swear I’m about to go over and shoot that guy if he sings one more verse of Yellow Rose of Texas.”

“Not if I get to him first,” I muttered back. “I swear that voice … no … uh uh … oh Lord.”

“What?”

“I just cannot believe this.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 12

I left Joe standing there with his mouth open on another question. At any other time he would have followed me but he had the security of the two families in his hands even with his brother in law backing him up … dentists may be scary but this guy reminded me of a toothpick suffering from anorexia. Not to be disrespectful – he was smart after all – but as “security” in the event of anything heavy coming down he was pretty much useless.

My size doesn’t let me “sneak” very well but with only a bit of firelight here and there I was able to hide most of me in shadows. At three in the morning I could see that there were a lot of sleepy guards stationed at the different wagon groups. I scared one young boy nearly to death by taping him on the shoulder to show him one of the horses was starting to wander off. Guess I must have looked like a boogeyman to him.

Most of the noise was coming from over near the old cavalry barracks. I winded my way through several passed out drunks … or I assume they were drunk as my dad had never set that kind of example for me … until I got close enough I could see the remaining revelers. Suddenly my mad turned to concern.

Evans looked like he’d been through a meat grinder. How he was still on his feet I couldn’t fathom; until I saw it was because he had been tied upright to a wooden porch rail. He was done in but every time he stopped singing one of the drunks would point a gun at him and then laugh. I don’t know what had happened and I was beginning to worry that I didn’t see the rest of the men anywhere around.

As I watched two more drunks passed out leaving four still amongst the land of the conscious … but three of those four didn’t look like they had much left in them. The fourth though looked awake and mean, though he was still definitely drunk.

I crept as close as I could which meant coming up around and behind the meanest one. I couldn’t just shoot him. Aside from the little bit of moral quandary I had over killing in cold blood I didn’t want to risk waking everyone camped in the area and having a long drawn out discussion … especially since I didn’t know what Evans story was yet. I picked up a good size branch out of their woodpile – they had a whole wagon load for some reason – who circumference and bicep would have measured pretty close to the same. It made a great bat.

The guy never saw it coming and the other three drunks just smiled and slowly slid into oblivion leaving Evans and I face to face.

“Kid? Am I seeing things now on top of everything else?”

I whispered, “No … and be quiet. I did more than tap sleeping beauty there but since I’m not sure how hard his head is I’m not sure how long he’ll be out.”

They’d tied his hands so tight they’d nearly cut the circulation off and I know it was painful when it started coming back from the look on his face. But I had been right, the post was the only thing holding him up and I wound up having to take him in a fireman’s carry because he just didn’t have much left in him.

We were nearly clear when he banged me on the back and said quietly, “My gear.” I saw he was pointing to one of the wagons I looked over the side and sure enough his packs were there, thought looking a little worse for wear. “Grab that smaller one too.”

What did he think I was? A pack mule? But I did it and was surprised by the weight. I sighed knowing what was likely inside. “Does this stuff belong to you?”

“It does now. Consider it recompense for my pain and suffering that I’ll never get to sue for in civil court.”

I snorted and took it anyway. I got him over to our wagons and Joe and I started to clean him up. “No time for that,” he mumbled through parched and bleeding lips. “You gotta get outta here. Them there are some serious baddies Kid. I shoulda told you to just stay out of it. I didn’t know you had folks with ya.”

It was Joe who grin turned from wolf to shark. “Let’s go see what we can see.”

This was the old Joe, the one that could never resist a good fight. I shook my head but knew he was going to go with or without me. Sheila showing up and giving it her blessing made me even more determined to keep him out of trouble. While Sheila continued to take care of Evans – warned by my silent admonition to not let the cat out of the bag – Joe and I slid back over to the camp of drunks.

Joe just shook his head and we started quietly going through the other two wagons and the saddle bags lying all over the place. Then Joe pulled a great big wad of something out of one of the saddlebags and his shark’s grin turned decidedly wicked. It was a bunch of them plastic ties like they put on rioters, the same ones that have been used to attach Evans to the post.

We started tying the hand of one drunk to the ankle of another and then overlapping them sometimes as well with a third drunk. I went from concern to fear of laughing after I realized just how drunk these guys were. Some of them had even … er … relieved themselves in their own drawers. When it came time for the guy that I had clunked we took particular care and added a blindfold as well just to confuse him even more so that if he did wake up before we got away we’d have the most time we could get. We took all the guns we saw and the knives as well; there was no sense into going to all of that trouble if we were going to make it easy on them.

As a last insult we turned all of their horses loose and pulled the pins out of the wagon tongues. We both had a hard time not laughing but we put a move on our go as well. We quietly woke everyone in our group, loaded up and got out of there just as the sun was making the sky pink. Evans had managed to stay awake and I climbed into the wagon they had done their best to get him secured in.

“So, what’s the story. Last I saw you …”

He groaned, “Kid, it … it was a mistake. I thought Thor knew you had fallen back, a couple of us did. When he found out, it was like you had fallen off the face of the planet. When Barkley mentioned the guy that had stopped you had an eye patch Thor acted like an old woman. He’s been a pain in the @#$ since you took off.”

“I didn’t take off. I stopped to talk to an old friend. We played football together.”

“Yeah? Whadda ya know?”

I thought he had finally passed out but then he said, “Aren’t you going ta ask about the others?”

“I thought you were resting.” I was still trying to decide if he was making up a story to get on my good side.

“Sure Kid. Yeah sure,” he said like he didn’t quite believe me. “We were trying to bargain for horses or supplies only people think a whole lotta what they got and want more than they’re worth. A couple of us went to this outdoor bar to do a little gambling and make some contacts. Something went wrong. I guess someone figured out those ol’ boys were cheatin’ and it all broke loose. I got hit from behind and woke up tied over the back end of a mule. Don’t ask me why except it was out of meanness. I’d clued to their game early on and played around their cheats and managed to win more than a few hands from that guy you knocked out.”

“How long they have you?” I asked him as he trailed off again.

“I … I can’t … I don’t know Kid. Days and nights started running together. Never would let me sleep or when they’d let me I couldn’t,” he said in a confused and pain filled voice.

“You were going to tell me about the others,” I reminded him.

“Oh … yeah. They’re coming. Know they’re coming. We don’t leave anyone behind. That’s why Thor was so bent about the rest of us just letting you walk off like that.”

“I wasn’t the one that walked off,” I told him.

“You didn’t stop us.”

“I thought that is what you guys wanted. I got the impression towards the end that … well, maybe not from you but from the others … that you couldn’t wait to see the backside of me.”

“Naw, wasn’t like that.”

“I’m not going to argue with you, not when you’re flattened, but I know how it was. Now why don’t you get some rest. We’re aiming for the Nebraska line. Don’t know if we’ll make it but we’re going to try. The road is some better from what I can tell now that the sun has come up, not near so many road blockages. I …” Then I looked over and saw that he really was out this time so I hopped out of the wagon to lighten the load and started walking.

And thinking. I wasn’t near as sure as he was that the rest of the men were on their way. He couldn’t say for sure how long he’d been a captive. He didn’t tell me how he was sure Thor and company were on their way beyond the “he knew they were.” I decided not to hassle him about it. He looked like he’d been worked over pretty bad so I wasn’t even sure he knew what he was saying.

We didn’t make the Nebraska line that night but we did before the next one. And the day after that found us camped at Scott’s Bluff. The geology of the area was completely freaky looking to me. I was used to rolling hills and mountains in the much older Smokies. The things I saw just jumped up out of the flat, dessert looking land in brightly colored layers, all jagged edges and sheer faces. I had to keep looking at them to make myself believe what I was seeing. They were like giant monuments just plunked down in the middle of nowhere.

Joe and Sheila laughed at me but it wasn’t that they were making fun, more like they knew what I was feeling because they’d felt it once themselves. Evans, he was quiet; that worried me more than anything. He slept a lot too. The longer it was that the other men didn’t show up the quieter he got.

“Evans …”

“Fine, maybe … maybe they ain’t coming. Life’s like that.”

I’d never seen him so down in the dumps. I asked him, “You ever seen the Smokies?”

“You crazy Kid? Where’d you think I learned to talk this good? It’s been a while though.”

I smiled and asked, “So where are you from?”

“All over. My pap had an itchy foot and we moved around a lot. By the time I got kicked out of the house to make my own way the habit had rubbed off on me. Is that where you’re headin’? You still sure that’s what you want to do?”

I thought about it. “Yeah. I need to if nothing else. I’m thinking there might be something to finding closure.”

He snorted then said, “Don’t bet on it. Things happen. You either live with them or don’t. I’ve never found that thing they call closure to be real.”

“Maybe you just never found closure.” That got me another snort before he lay back down and unintentionally fell back to sleep.

The next night found us camped out in the shadow of Chimney Rock. I was reading some of the historical markers, walking off one too many bowls of chili when I heard feet coming up on me fast from behind. I spun and met the guy’s run with a hard defensive block which sent him flying backwards and laying him out flat.

“I told him it was a bad idea,” came a dry voice. I looked up and there was Chuckri with a half-idiot grin on his face as Alfonso slowly got to his feet trying to quiet the bells that were still ringing in his ears.

Trying to be as calm about it I said, “Well, he said you would be coming.”

“Who?” Chuckri asked, suddenly tense. “Evans?”

At my nod Alfonso started to run off but I slowed him down long enough to tell him, “You better bring Richards.”

I led Chuckri over to our camp and introduced him to Joe who bristled a little but then decided to let it go since Chuckri wasn’t giving off the right kind of vibes for a fight. Evans tried to make it out like he wasn’t bad off but even a child could see he was hurting.

Richards … all the men, Thor included … came out of the dark putting Joe’s back up again. “Joe, don’t sweat it. They’re OK. Evans here is actually the worst of the lot and you’ve handled him fine.”

That caused Evans to get an insulted look on his face and the men, except for Thor, laughed and suddenly even Joe joined in. “I see you’ve met Rocky. Watch out for the mouth; it’s licensed as a deadly weapon.”

“Hey, whose side you on?” I asked Joe, funning him right back.

Richards was in the processes of examining Evans and complimenting Sheila’s work – which of course didn’t hurt Joe’s feelings any either – when Thor walked over. “Who’s he?” he asked like Joe wasn’t standing right there.

I looked at him like he had dragged something in on the bottom of his shoe. “A friend. From school.”

Joe got a surprised look on his face but then grinned that grin that always warned me to watch out. He stuck his hand out. “Joe Crabtree. Rocky and I played against each other in highschool.”

“You’re no highschool kid.”

Joe continued to grin, “Nope. Hey, have you met my wife yet?”

Thor’s noses flared and his eyebrows twitched. I told Joe, “Knock it off.” Then turned to Thor and said, “Evans said you guys would be coming. How’d you find him.”

After a last suspicious look at Joe who was still grinning he said, “Followed the description of a one-eyed man after finding the group that had taken Evans … tied up.”

Joe and I looked at one another and then we both burst out laughing. We hadn’t told anyone up to that point what we’d done … although Sheila suspected we’d been up to something … so the story had to be told.

At the end of the tale Evans groaned, “And I missed it? @#$% Rocky, I’d given a lot to see their faces.”

Joe said, “Well I didn’t want to be there when they woke up, that’s for sure. I wonder who saw us?”

He was looking at me but it was Montgomery who answered, “Nobody mentioned seeing the Kid. They only said something about a guy with an eye patch.”

I must have looked insulted because Joe started laughing again until I aimed a kick at him. Sheila said, “OK, enough shenanigans you two. I swear, you’re worse than my brothers.”

It was getting late and I was getting ready for first watch. When Joe came back from talking to Thor I asked him, “What are you up to?”

“Nothin’,” he said all too innocently.

“Don’t give me that.”

“Oh relax. Evans is too hurt to walk or even ride a horse though they’ve got their own from what I see … some that look awful familiar.” We both nearly started laughing again. “I just said your friend here was welcome to continue riding in the wagon and that they were welcome to tag along if they were so inclined.”

I looked at him trying to figure his game.

“Hey,” he said. “It’s not like a few more warm bodies to protect the women and wagons wouldn’t be welcome.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 13

It took us a week to reach Llewellen and the only trouble we ran into was a broken axle. Luckily there was an abandoned wagon with a busted tongue and bed on the side of the road not too far from where we broke down. I’m not sure what we would have done if we hadn’t found it, none of us had the least idea how to fix it. We cannibalized the disabled wagon for parts but it still took a whole day to change everything out despite all of the muscle available to do the work. It was a learning process all around. I had a feeling lots of people are going to be learning new things now that you couldn’t just go out and buy something new when the old one broke. Or in the case we were in there were just a lot of things that had stopped working since the EMP.

We were just two days out from Llewellen when Evans was finally well enough to sit a horse. It put him in a good mood and everyone from the men to Joe’s crowd was happy for him. Evans was the oldest of the men in Thor’s group and he looked road hard and hung up wet. It made him appear older than he was; he wasn’t but forty years of age. His pride had been hurting at having to be so dependent and it was nice to see him looking more like his old self.

I saw Thor thinking and looking at me and decided to make it easy on him. “Thor, it’s OK. I know you gave the guys grief but … it’s really what was going to happen anyway. I’m … well …,” I stopped worried that I was sounding too much like a girl then I said the heck with it. “I’m glad that things got straightened out but now that Evans is mended I … well I don’t expect you to hang around babysitting me because you feel like you have to be responsible for me or something.”

It’s like he hadn’t even heard me. “What are your plans Kid?”

“Can’t you just call me Rocky like most folks do? It isn’t my fault that I’m younger than you all you know.”

He just looked at me and said, “Stop avoiding the question. And don’t lie to me.”

That just made me mad. “Why are you always thinking I’m out to lie to you? You may not know everything there is to know about me but I’ve never intentionally done anything to put you guys at risk. You act like I’m … well sure … I know I had a learning curve but geez.”

“You’re avoiding the question again.”

“I’m not avoiding the question, you keep bringing other stuff into it. Besides, my plans haven’t changed, I’m going home.”

“And home is off the Blue Ridge Parkway,” he said like said like he didn’t quite believe me.

“Well … yeah,” I said surprised he’d remembered at all.

“And how exactly do you plan on getting there?”

“Walking. Riding. Whatever it takes. I’ve gotten this far doing it that way. I’ll get the rest of the way that way if necessary. I still don’t see why that should matter to you anyway.” He was starting to get under my skin again.

He looked at me like I was something that irritated the fire out of him for some reason. “You’re too young to be doing this.”

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. Thank the good Lord my laugh is more of a baritone belly laugh than a light feminine chuckle. Thor obviously didn’t appreciate the humor I was seeing in it all. “Man, listen to you. How many of you guys were out the door and on the road at eighteen? And I bet at my eighteen I have more survival skills than you all had … except for maybe Evans who sounds like he had it rough growing up. I can handle myself just fine.”

A growl preceded, “You aren’t indestructible.”

“Well no, of course not. No one is. But do I look like the fragile, will break on contact type? Come on dude, you don’t even know half of what I can do.”

In this really snarky voice he asked, “So what are you then, some mutant superhero?”

All the funny went away right then and there and I don’t know what came over me but I pushed him back, hard enough to make him trip back into some bushes. “You don’t know nothin’,” I snarled as I walked away.

I stayed away from Thor and he stayed away from me until sack time. Joe woke me up to take last watch. As I got up he grabbed my upper arm, “You shoulda told him Rocky.”

Immediately I went into a panic. “No, I don’t mean about being a girl … though that would have been a doggone good opening for that too. I mean about … about being a GWB. I put my dang foot in it.”

I was furious. “You promised,” I growled stepping close enough that we were almost nose to nose though I had to bend down to do it.

“No, I promised to keep quiet about you being a girl,” he whispered back a lot calmer than I was. “And I will until you say otherwise. Including keeping it from the rest of my family if that’s the way you want it though I’ll have to catch Mom and Dad to make sure in case they remember you. I think you’re making a mistake but it’s your right to make it. I hadn’t thought the GWB was an issue. I came up on him while he was trying to climb out of that Skunkbush. I’d overheard the last bit and it made me mad. It just kind of came out during the … er … discussion.”

I turned to walk away from him angrily but he grabbed my arm, “I’m saying I’m sorry Rocky. It was an honest mistake. For Thor it was too. He didn’t say much but he looked like he regretted the comment coming out the way it did. Don’t burn that bridge because of your pride. I have a feeling you’ll regret it if you do.”

“I won’t have anyone feeling pity for me. Not you, not Thor, not anyone. Just because GWB is what I am doesn’t mean it defines who I am. Got it?”

“A long time ago Rocky,” he said softly with a gentle slap on my shoulder.

I wasn’t ready to let go of my mad but I had responsibilities to tend to. I picked up my rifle and started to walk quietly around the camp perimeter, nodding at Orland’s son who was watching the horses that night. Then I found a comfortable spot and settled in.

A boot scuffing on the ground had me looking up. “Got a second Kid?”

“I’m on watch Thor.”

“Yeah. This won’t take long,” he sighed as he sat down. “Joe …”

“Yeah, I know. He told you. He didn’t have any right to say anything but now that you know … so what,” I told him in a dead voice that dared him to say anything more.

“You never said nothing.”

“It didn’t matter. And if it had it wasn’t exactly your business either.”

He was quiet and I was hoping he’d just go away. But he didn’t. “I heard all them kids had health problems. Seems like there was something on the news at least once a year about another one dying.”

“Them kids? I was … am … one of them. You sound like everyone else, like we had a choice in what we were. Like we were contaminated.”

“You know what I mean.”

I sighed. I’d explained this so many times over the years that it was like a prepared speech. “Just like no two people anywhere are the same, no two GWBs are the same. Whatever issues each of us faced was strictly determined by our own family’s genetic history. Some of us got the worst flavors … conditions or defects that barely let them live long enough to be born. Some of us you couldn’t even tell from the outside that they had that label. Most of us were somewhere in between. I had a tumor that caused me to get big really early. They found it and killed it and I stopped growing so fast. The problem was that I was nine when they found it and it took me a long time to grow into my body size … I could be klutzy and banged into a lot of stuff, I couldn’t play the same games as the other kids because if I had I would have hurt them or I didn’t fit on the equipment. Unlike a lot of non-GWBs that have the condition my heart and lungs were never a problem. The worst for me though was that it took a while for my features to settle down; your face does a lot of changing and maturing as you grow up, I had a baby face stuck on this huge body. People used to say … some pretty …” I sighed. “It wasn’t a fun time. I freaked people out. It wasn’t until I found football that I really felt good about my size even though my parents did the best they could.”

“You don’t have any of the … bad defects?”

“No. All my parts are where they are supposed to be I’m just oversized compared to most. Jonathon …” I wasn’t sure just how much I was going to let him know. Time, distance and life was putting a bandaid on that wound, it was no longer a hemorrhage but picking at it would only make it scar worse.

Another piece fell into place for him. “He was one too, the kid you said was your best friend. The one …”

In for a penny, in for a pound I thought as I began to give him more information than I had ever meant to. “Yeah. We … the national support group … had been having our spring social event. All of those left living came. It was kind of like ...” I stopped and snorted. “Jonathon’s parents were the organizers. Ever heard of the Marshall family out on the West Coast? That was them. They set it up to be like a … a prom … or a coming out or something like that. Most of us had already turned eighteen. It was a real swanky party.”

“In San Francisco.” And I saw another piece fall in place. “The Green terrorists were threatening to target the GWBs specifically for years.”

“Yeah, they targeted us all right. Or whoever it was that claimed to be them that night. It was stenciled onto their clothes just like you’d see in the news.” I stopped and heaved a sigh that felt like it came from my soul. “You are looking at the only GWB left alive on the planet so I’d appreciate keeping it under your hat. I don’t need people giving me funny looks or pity or anything else. Life is hard enough without that extra kick in the pants.”

“So you don’t have any of the other … er … eccentricities of …”

I looked at him trying to understand what he kept going on about. “If you are asking whether I have any deformities or challenges some of us had I already told you no. I’m just big … and stronger than even my size would seem to make me. It has something to do with the density of my bones and the fact that I have a pain tolerance … or at least that is all the eggheads could come up with. But you don’t have to be big to have high pain tolerance, lots of people have it. Jonathon was the opposite.”

“Your friend.”

“Yeah. He was a late bloomer in a family full of tall, pretty people. If you had stuck him in almost any other people you never would have known he was a GWB. But why God decided to stick him in that one I can’t even begin to guess. His brothers were pretty rough on him. Why we wound up best friends is even stranger, they used to call us Mutt and Jeff when we were growing up because there wasn’t a thing alike between us, from size to coloring. But he was getting taller and stuff because at the dance he was only a couple of inches shorter than me … he was just skinny and it made him look frail, but he wasn’t normally. His asthma was also better than it was than when we were little. But he needed medication to manage it. That part he inherited from his grandmother’s family … the one that was with us as we tried to escape. They would have been dead if we had stayed, just like my parents, but escaping killed them anyway. Life sucks all around.” I’d had enough sharing and stood up to take another turn around the camp.

“Kid, if you insist on doing this crazy thing, ride with us til we get to Chuckri’s place. We’ll figure something else out from there.”

“Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said?” I asked him getting mad again. “I don’t need your pity. I don’t want your pity … nor anyone else’s either. I know how bad life sucks and I know how careful I have to be to get through it. I also know there is a chance that I won’t make it. Stop treating me like I’m handicapped or mentally deficient.” Then I did turn and walk away before I said something I would really regret.

See the problem is that I know people like Thor and Joe mean well. They’ve just never had to walk in my shoes. I always hated it when people try to do things “for my own good.” My parents were the only ones that came close to having that right over me and they never made me feel like I was helpless or incapable; they did it out of love, not to make me beholden or to trap me against my will. I wasn’t just going to give that power over me to someone else just because it made them feel better.

I no longer trusted Thor … or Joe … quite the way I had before. Maybe some of that is growing up, getting the idealism kicked out of you, but it made me mad. There had never been too many people in the world that I fully trusted and to have two of them turn on me in the same day hurt in a way I refused to let anyone see.

Llewellen was a dot on a map and Joe’s family was outside of the town and that area didn’t even qualify for a dot, heck, the roads didn’t even have gravel on them much less be paved. You never saw such a welcome as everyone got. To add to it, rather than trying to make it all the way to Omaha, Orland’s family decided to move across the road from Joe’s family and help out the elderly, childless couple who lived there.

Orland said, “I just can’t see the risk in going further. There’s water from Lake McConaughy. The land’s fertile. And there’s people here to share the load with and learn from. Things being what they are likely to be for a long time, I just don’t see that I could put my family in a better spot by continuing on the road we were going.”

That gave me a lot to think on. Could I do better than staying right here? Was I crazy for thinking my destiny still had something to do with going home? In the end I just couldn’t settle to the idea of staying. If something had been pushing me to go I would have probably dug in my heels but the truth was I was being pulled. Pulled to what I wasn’t sure of but I did know that I needed to go.

I was feeling boxed in. Joe had tried to talk to me about staying and when that didn’t work he set his mother on me. Whether he knew it or not that had the opposite effect of what he’d meant it to have. His mother really didn’t like me. As nice as she was she had this prejudice that she just couldn’t hide though she really did try hard for Joe’s sake … and maybe even a little for mine. But everything she said made me feel a little more like I didn’t belong and in the end I apologized for not being able to do what Joe wanted me to … and I know I didn’t imagine the relief she tried to hide.

Thor was a pain in my sitter as well. He never approached me directly, I didn’t give him the chance. And of the other men only Evans seemed to refuse to pay any attention to my invisible “keep off the grass” signs. I didn’t tell Evans anything either however as I knew he’d carry it straight to Thor, or he’d say something to one of the other men and it would get to Thor that way.

I knew Chuckri was eager to keep going but Joe’s father had offered the group some grains and other things to take with them if they stayed to help put up the framing and walls of two houses they were adding to the homestead. It was an offer they really couldn’t afford to lose. I still had a good bit of the stuff left over from Nana’s wacked out buying spree but even my supplies were low. Instead of working at Joe’s place I went across the road to help Orland and the elderly couple get set. Mrs. Dunlop was good to me, she reminded me a bit of my own grandmother … feisty; I had to laugh at the way she managed everyone so well.

After six days I had everything I needed including supplies. The next day was the Sabbath and Joe’s day had set that day aside for most of us to go out to the lake and maybe do some fishing. It was a good day but I kept thinking of my gear which I had hidden the previous night. It would have looked suspicious if I had taken my gear with me for a simple fishing trip.

After a huge noon meal most people were just lying around basking in the sun and I knew it was time for me to go. Joe’s nephews though weren’t ready to settle down so I took them a little away and started them on a football game. After a bit they were playing without needing me to encourage them so I told the two oldest I was going for a hike. I tucked a note in Sheila’s handbag that was in the wagons that were between the relaxing adults and the rowdy kids, then I was off.

I’d been careful of what I’d eaten so it wasn’t difficult to get up to jogging speed, grab my gear, and then head off at a quick pace. My goal was a small campground on the east end of the lake outside of the little town of Keystone; if not in the campground, somewhere near it so that I could fill up all of my water containers before really getting in some serious miles.

When I got near the campground I was glad I planned for the possibility of staying somewhere else. There were several groups just hanging out there but I didn’t see a wagon between them; horses yes, wagons no. They looked rough; not dangerous, just used hard and dispirited.

I found a pocket of darkness and just hung the mosquito netting so that I could keep the bugs off but still have little or nothing to do before I put feet to trail the next morning. I’m glad I’d avoided people as not too long after full dark in road the oversized bad attitude I’d been trying to avoid.

After they had questioned all of the campers whether they’d seen me … their description caused a little fear no matter how they phrased it and made the groups there uneasy … they walked their horses even closer to my hiding spot than they realized. I heard Evans chuckling.

“What the @#$% are you laughing about?” Thor snarled.

“The Kid. Not too many grown men that can pull something like this off much less someone as wet behind the ears as he is. Reminds me a bit of myself at that age.” I could hear the laugher in his voice.

“That ain’t exactly a ringing recommendation,” Thor snapped back.

“Now, now. No need to get nasty,” Evans said with a little less humor in his voice.

“Kid’s too young. There is no way Rocky can know what is out there.” Thor definitely wasn’t happy with my decision not to stay under their watchful eyes.

It was Richards that said, “None of us know for sure what is out there. Communications are down all over. Joe said that Rocky has a lot of survival skills because of the way he was raised.”

Thor kept up his bellyaching. “Joe said. Joe said. I don’t give a @#$% what Joe said. The Kid is too young.”

Montgomery said, “That was what you said when we lost him in Laramie. He seemed to do all right by himself. I know the kid is only eighteen but I was out of the house at eighteen and I reckon most of the rest of you were too. I still don’t see what his age has to do with it.”

Evans said, “Try sixteen for me, and that was with a whole lot less going for me than the Kid has. We’ll keep our eyes and ears open. Kid like that will stand out in a crowd about as much as you do Thor. But other than that I don’t see what we can do. The Kid made his choice and he had the right to. It’s not like he didn’t …” He stopped.

“Well, I’ll just go ahead and say it ‘cause no one else will. The Kid ain’t stupid. He knew that he wasn’t really one of us. He may not have understood the reason for it, but he still knew it. He told me so.”

Thor stopped his horse and asked, “What’d the Kid say? Did you explain?”

“Explain what? Explain that we’ve seen things in life that sets us apart? That we’ve done things in life that sets us apart? We agreed to keep it quiet so no, I didn’t tell explain. All the Kid saw and felt was that he wasn’t part of our crew and that he never would be, you all made sure he felt it and don’t go jacking my jaw for saying it ‘cause it’s the truth,” he intoned belligerently. “If I couldn’t explain what was really going on, that it weren’t nothing personal and why, there was no sense in trying to explain that we were only doin’ it for his own good. I imagine y’all boys remember how well you would have taken that when you were the Kid’s age.”

I was beginning to think that if they had explained that part of it I would have dealt with the rejection better. But they didn’t know I was a girl and used to dealing with the touchy-feely things in life better than boys were. But it was too late. I wasn’t going to bound out of my hiding place and let them rescue me. For one thing that would shoot down the whole male persona thing I was still living, for another … well, I was just stubborn enough to need to prove to myself if no one else that I could do what they doubted I could.

Finally they moved off. I’m not sure what they planned but I figured that now was as good a time as any to add some extra miles to my day even though they’d be slow ones in the dark. And I’d need to stay off the main roads if I had a hope of avoiding them. Maybe they had given up and maybe they hadn’t but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

I really didn’t want to run into problems and I’d been listening to the campers who turned out to be travelers from all over looking for a place to roost or family that might take them in … or who had had family turn them away and they were now lost as to what they were supposed to do. My original plan had to be to take I80 through Lincoln, Nebraska and then turn south to get to Topeka, Kansas but from what I overheard anywhere near Lincoln or Omaha was bad. There was sickness and Omaha had even had a couple of tactical bombs go off destroying key points of entry and exit.

I decided that instead of going through all of Nebraska before turning south I would turn south first and go straight down into Kansas and try and follow I70 into Topeka. To pull off the route I had changed to required me backtracking a bit and I was hoping that was the last thing they’d think I would do.

I figure I started walking at about three thirty in the morning. It was slow going and I kept looking over my shoulder; not because I felt someone watching me but because I was worried they were. I lucked out and caught a ride from a farmer that had dropped a load of hay bales. I helped him reload faster than he ever thought possible and I got off my feet and was able to add about 15 extra miles that I didn’t expect I was going to make. He offered me a roof for the night but I politely declined and decided to hoof it until it got dark or I ran out of energy, whichever came first.

I made it all the way to a little place called Grant, Nebraska. I had to laugh when I saw the welcome sign. They took their sports serious in this town. Their highschool were state champs several years running and they let you know it right before you hit the city limits. It made me feel right at home, but man oh man I’d never seen a place so flat. If there hadn’t been any buildings or trees I could have probably seen all the way to the Missouri state line … and maybe a little further.

It was just passed dark and I was feeling so good about the time and distance that I’d made that I was tempted to keep going, but I knew that was stupid. I’d already done a little traveling in the dark and not know what was in front of me I didn’t want to take the chance. This was flat as a pancake country but that didn’t mean it didn’t have holes in it here and there.

Someone claiming to be a city cop started in on me as soon as my foot cross the city limit line. Who was I? What was my business in their fair city? Where was I heading? I was respectful despite the crankiness of his questions. He sounded like he’d been saying it a lot.

“Sorry sir, if I’m not allowed in town could you direct me to a likely camping spot outside of here? I’m just passing through but I sure don’t want any trouble.”

I got a hard look and said, “Boy, don’t give me that dumb as a stump act. You may have got away with it with other folks but I got one just like you at home and I’ll tan your behind just as soon as look at you if you sass me.”

I thought, “Wouldn’t he get a surprise if he tried.” I had to smile at the thought but was careful to say, “Yes sir” with a little less drawl in it.

“Humph,” he said giving me a look. “We’ve got a station for strangers in the city park but the rules are strict. The signs up at the entrance. If you can’t follow them you’d best carry yourself along. We don’t want trouble anymore than you claim to.”

“Yes sir. Thank you. Point me in the direction please?”

An out of patience sigh accompanied the hand flung in the general direction of some signs along the road. Most of them said things like “Security system by Smith and Wesson” or “Trespassers will be killed dead” but I didn’t take umbrage at it. Heck knows my own little burg was likely to be much worse.

When I finally made it to the park I was starting to feel my first day on the road on my own. The rules were fairly simple: No spitting, no loud noises, no bothering the townfolk, no fires, if you’re in a fight whether you cause it or not you and everyone in your party were in a heap load of trouble. Since none of the above interested me I found a corner in the nearly deserted park and set up my mosquito netting and got some sleep.

Hunger woke me the next morning before the sun came up but I wasn’t about to show anyone that I had food that didn’t have to be cooked. I packed up, made sure I’d cleaned up after myself and then quietly walked back to the park gate. Something blew past my foot and I looked down to see a label off of a can. I bent picked it up and then made sure it went into a trashcan right off the walking path. I was nearly gone from the park when the sound of a throat clearing brought me around fast. It was the cop from the previous night.

“Boy …,” he started like he was going to say something else and then changed gears. “You watch yourself out there. Not every place is as welcome as Grant is.”

“Yes sir.” I could have been a smart aleck but in the end I worried that his words might be more true than not. And I had a lot of miles ahead of me to find out.
 

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 14

I’d give a lot if life was as easy to manipulate as it is in story books. If it was there would be an overturned wagon or store nearby that I could salvage from, maybe a convenient Walmart tractor trailor sitting on the side of the road. At worst I’d have to trade for what I needed … and what I needed was a new pair of boots. Only there weren’t any convenient wagons, stores, or tractor trailers … nor any hand towns nearby at the moment either.

If they had put a mileage life on my boots I would have realized I was due for a flat. I’m not an easy fit either. I’d been forced to use a size nine sandal back in San Francisco because we couldn’t find anything bigger … although Mom had firmly refused to check out the cross-gender shop that the shop owner had recommended. We just let the buckles out as far as they would go across the front of my foot and my heel and toe hung off just a little but as she said, “You’ll never notice it on a galloping horse.”

Well, I needed to be shod all right but it was going to be hard to find a women’s size 11 wide. I would have taken man’s boot, and most of the time did when I couldn’t find my own size, but I didn’t see a Red Wing or Wolverine shoe store anywhere about. As I put yet another fixing of duct tape on the inside of my shoes to try and cover the hole in the sole I thought about how far I’d come.

After Grant it took me a week to get sixty some miles to this little place called Benkelman. What a hoot that place was. For some people reason people got it into their heads that returning to their pioneer forefathers’ ways was the only way to survive. I’m not just talking about how they did things but I mean how they dressed, talked, the whole nine yards. I saw women in prairie dresses and sun bonnets and men dressed in collarless shirts, suspenders, and straw hats. The kids were dress like miniature adults and frankly didn’t look too happy about it; June was setting up to roast us all. I couldn’t even go into the town proper because I had “mechanicals from the modern age.” Say what?!

They had a small stretch of road that they had blocked off from everything else and they were redirecting foot and wagon traffic from outside of their very closed community through it. I don’t think they meant anything bad by their actions, they were just trying to protect their community I suppose, but I could see where it could go from harmless eccentricity to hard line fanaticism without too much of a push.

Right after Benkelman I crossed into Kansas and the day after that I stopped in this little place called Bird City for the night to gather information if I could but I was out of luck. After weeks on the road I looked more than a little rough around the edges and even I thought the reflection in the mirror was a little scary. Three days after that I tried again in this little town called Edson which only looked like it existed because of the I70 on-ramp.

I had more luck there. I got a private bath, a hair cut … made me look like a geeky accountant until after I mussed it up a bit … and then looked around to see which of the three eating establishments that I wanted to try. I was tired of my own cooking and tired of my own company. I was lonesome but I’d made my choice and I thought that I’d made the best one I could. Eventually I would have had to be on my own and better to give it a bit of a try out in this flat land with few people than to get dependent on people that had already admitted they would be there in the long run. I also needed information before I got to walking down the interstate.

Mom didn’t raise no fool and Dad had taught me a few lessons too. When you want to find out where the best eats for the price was, follow the locals. It took me all of five minutes to decide that I was going to give Minnie’s Place a try. It was rough around the edges but there was honest to goodness cowboys in there. The other place looked like it mostly served travelers. When I saw a guy that looked like a sheriff … he had a badge on his pocket and a white hat and everything … I was sold. Dad said cops know all the good local joints worth going to, and more importantly which ones to avoid.

I brushed myself off and went to the door but there wasn’t anyone there that did the seating. I looked around but found myself getting a little intimidated and was rethinking my choice when I got pushed from behind hard enough that it sent me to one knee. Two men came rushed into the place with big ol’ shotguns shouting, “All valuables in the bags!” I heard screaming and carrying on from the other places up and down the strip as well.

I was just on my knees like a knucklehead until they pushed an older lady that came out of a side room down to the ground. You just don’t do things like that and expect no one to take exception to it. They didn’t call me “Freight Train” for nothing. I put my shoulder into it and plastered the closest one into the wall so hard that the shotgun disappeared into the paneling. He kind of slid down all boneless like a Looney Tunes character in the cartoons.

I turned to go after the other only to see he’d disappeared under a pile up of cowboys that were putting a bad whooping on him. I picked the older lady up off the floor and sat her in a chair, brushed her off, then turned to see the guy I’d thought was a sheriff grabbing a few of the locals to go check on the rest of the street; I figured I’d follow and do something about the adrenaline I already had flowing.

We came out to see the rest of the bunch hopping on horses about to make their escape. Before they got far the sheriff and the locals opened up on them. One of the bad guys tried to take off around the side of Minnie’s and I just sorta reached out and plucked him out of the saddle and proceeded to have a brawl that my mother would have grounded me for the rest of my life for exhibiting such unladylike behavior. It was about like that pile up when one of the Consolidated schools we’d played had taken exception to one of our players whistling Dixie. I was grounded for a month after that one.

The guy was about my height and weight but he had no stamina to speak of; all I had to do was get a few punches and stay out of the way of his haymakers and as soon as he lost his wind, one good tap on the side of his noggin sent him to his knees and I finished him off with a left. I don’t think Dad had ever meant for me to actually use the fighting techniques he’d taught me … but I was finding in this new life they’d equipped me for survival better than they had ever known.

I hadn’t come out unscathed. My left bicep was going to have a heck of a bruise and his head butt had split my lip but at least there’d be no sunrise on my face to have to explain away to folks so I wouldn’t scare them more than I already had a bad habit of doing.

I wiped my lip and saw the sheriff standing there with his arms crossed. I asked, “You want I should carry him someplace for you?”

A couple of the cowboys covered up a laugh but I hadn’t meant to be funny. I was trying to be helpful and stay out of the trouble that looked to be aimed at me from the sheriff’s eyes. Instead he bellowed, “Nelson! Take this cretin to the holding area.”

I must have looked as scared as I felt but then he said, “Not you boy, the one on the ground. You leaking brain matter as well as blood?”

“Er … uh … no sir.”

Then the older lady stepped out onto the porch, looked me square in the eye and told me, “Get your self in here right now!”

Ouch! I’d heard my mother and grandmother use that tone only a few times but when you hear it you know that you disobey under threat of death and dismemberment. I swallowed and stepped up on the porch and then followed her back into the eatery.

“Just look at my wall!”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am,” I mumbled while the cowboys all gave me that nice-known’-ya look before sitting back down to eat.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Sit down and eat and after we close you can clean it up.”

The look she gave me said all she wanted to hear from me was “Yes ma’am” and that’s exactly what I gave her. And what she gave me was a big plate of beans, wheat pilaf (instead of rice), fried corn, a slice of cheese, some of the best sausage links I’d ever put in my mouth, two huge cat-head sized biscuits with fresh butter to put on them, and for dessert an apple dumpling. To drink there was fresh cow’s milk which I found out was kept cold in the cellar beneath the eatery.

I plowed through it like I hadn’t eaten in days. When I finally looked up it was to find a couple of the cowboys laughing at me. “Must’ve been good.”

I wouldn’t lie. “Yes sir. The cook could give my mom a run for her money on the biscuits and that’s about the highest compliment I could give anybody.” They thought that was funny too and then got up and after a look at the sheriff who was sitting there finishing his own plate of food walked out the door and out of sight.

I sighed, picked up my plate and cup, and started to carry it back to the kitchen area. “Ma’am?” I called not wishing to go someplace I wasn’t supposed to. When the older lady … and she was indeed Miss Minnie … I asked her, “Um … I’m not sure what to do with … you know … my plate and cup.”

She wiped her hands on her apron and told me, “Take it over to the sink and set it in there. Watch that you don’t break or chip anything. Then get that broom and dustpan in there and get started cleaning that mess up.”

I did as I was told and then scrubbed the white wall where the man’s dirty face had left a good sized smudge. A guy about my own age clumped over and said, “Move outta the way you big ox. You made work for me, you make any more and you’ll pay.”

“Great personality there slim, must attract all the girls.”

A throat clearing behind me had me turning and then going over to the sheriff’s table. “Sit down.” I sat. “There was a reward for that fella you flattened against Miss Minnie’s wall. You come to the office and I’ll count it out to you.”

I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say. It really was like the old west all over again. “Uh … yes sir. I just have to pay Miss Minnie for the meal … and … I guess figure out what I owe for the wall too,” I added glumly hoping and praying that I could find some way to pay for the mess I’d unintentionally made.

Miss Minnie had overheard the last and said, “Oh, go on with you boy. You cleaned it up and Benji needed something constructive to keep him out of trouble anyway. And here is something to take with you.” She gave the Sheriff the eye too and then shooed us out so she could close up and get ready for the breakfast rush in the morning.

I followed the sheriff one street over to a tight little office and then watched as the baddies were being driven away by the cowboys. I looked until I couldn’t see them anymore and then turned to see the sheriff looking at me. “They’re being taken to the cemetery.”

“Huh … oh … Oh! Oh you … you mean …”

“You got somethin’ to say about that boy?”

“Uh … no sir. It’s y’alls town and none of my business,” I said quickly.

“That’s right. Now get in here so we can complete our transaction and then I want to see the backside of you right quick. Something about you boy … it bothers me. I don’t like things that bother me.”

Contrary to some people’s expectations I did know how to keep my mouth shut on occasion and this was one of those occasions. He reached into a drawer and pulled out a small bag that clinked and tossed it at me. I looked inside it and saw a mishmash of small silver ingots, old silver coins, and a small gold nugget that looked like it had been melted down from something else.

I pulled the nugget out and looked at it. To get this that guy must have been a bad dude indeed, but even bad dudes can sometimes come to cartoonish ends.

“You thinkin’ your getting cheated?” the sheriff asked dangerously.

“Huh?” It took me a second to figure out what the sheriff was talking about. “No sir, I was just wondering … it really was my fault that hold got put in Miss Minnie’s wall. I don’t get supplies to fix it are easy to find these days. That Benji kid don’t seem too helpful either. You … you reckon she would take this if I give it to her?” The sheriff’s eyebrows would have gone up into his hairline if most of it hadn’t already receded to the other side of his head.

In the end I left the nugget with the sheriff to give to Miss Minnie once I’d gotten out of town. I had a feeling had I tried to give it to her myself she would have taken a broom to me. Then to smooth things out more … I mean you just never know when you’re gonna have to go back through a place … I spent about half of what was left on stuff over at this trading post kind of thing. If I’d only had the sense to pick me up a new pair of boots while I was there.

I got some good gossip while I was in the trade post so it was worth it and spending the coins there made the gossip flow even more freely. I bought a bar of homemade soap, a comb, a real cowboy hat, a wedge of cheese, a box of waterproof matches (boy did they cost dear), a muslin bandana, some dried corn and wheat, a small jar of home canned pickles (watch out for the deposit on them jars), honey to refill my bear with, some homemade cheese crackers, and a few sticks of homemade hard candy. I figured I paid more than a local would have the way the store owner was smiling but I knew I had more silver (and gold) than he did and it meant the sheriff wouldn’t be such a hardcase. I stuffed it in the top of my backpack and the sheriff was more than happy to have me shaking the dust of Edson from my boots.

I didn’t get far that night since I’d gotten distracted so I wound up sleeping under an overpass. It wasn’t much of an overpass and it felt freaky as all get out but it was better than sleeping in the light rain that had started. Next day I made it to a place called Levant. The people weren’t near as friendly as I’d gotten used to in the Great Plains but I guess every place is different. I was hustled on through by the local law and that’s where I started noticing my shoes.

By Oakley my right shoe had a hole big enough in it that road gravel kept sneaking up in there. And then the heel of the other shoe started falling apart. I guess I shouldn’t complain, those boots had had a lot of miles put on them and they weren’t exactly new when I’d brought them from home, they were just my most comfortable. Well, they weren’t comfortable any more. I went some miles further and then got on the other side of this little place called Wakeeney and there is nothing back there worth going to. What little bit of town there used to be is dead and looted. The next town Ogallah was worse having been burned to the ground.

If my map is right I’ve got a ten mile walk to this little town called Ellis. If there is nothing there I’m in trouble. Water is a problem as well as it is flat, dusty and dry. I wish I had thought to catch more of the rainwater but that’s water under the bridge … and ain’t that a stupid pun. I’m going to be barefoot soon and that might be better than these blisters and bruises I’m getting on my feet.
 

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 15

Ellis was a bust. The town was locked down so tight that you could barely pass by it on the interstate. There’s still a lot of traffic on the interstate but it was all foot and pedal powered. You didn’t see horses on it too much; I guess the blacktop isn’t real good for their hooves and stuff like that.

There were people on the interstate still living out of their cars and campers and RVs. It was the weirdest thing I think I’d seen thus far … well, outside of that little town that was trying to replicate the 1800s. There were clotheslines, container gardens, artificial turf put down, just an incredible mess. But the people looked depressed for all they seemed to be trying to create some kind of lives for themselves. And they looked hungry. I swear as I passed by some of them it was like they were sizing me up, not to come to dinner but to be dinner.

The town of Hays wasn’t any better and actually felt some worse. I began to doubt my plan to follow the interstate; it seemed to be where all the misery was located. I was able to get on the other side of Hays before I got too exhausted to think straight and then hopped off the interstate and picked up Highway 140 and started looking for a place to bed down for the night. Except for the road I travelled the land was flat and featureless except for the few lonesome trees that dotted the landscape. It was close to midnight and I was shivering with exhaustion before I found a burned out building that I could crawl into without having to worry too much that it was going to fall in on me. I didn’t like the scurrying rodents that I heard but they left me alone so I gave them the same gift.

Not having a traveling partner of any kind was starting to tell on me. I had to do everything. I had no one to share my chores, no one to create any conversation with even if it was just grunts, not one to share night watch with. I can’t say I was bored exactly but I was tired and tired gets you stupid. It was June and I’d had more than my fair share of luck, but it was about to run out.

The next morning I just kept walking, and frankly getting more and more depressed and more and more tired. Everywhere I had been since leaving Joe’s place there were people who stared at me like I was fresh meat, both figuratively and literally. I kept going for as long as I could each day just trying to get beyond the mass of humanity that seemed to be congregated all along the interstate. I wasn’t on the interstate anymore, but on the highway that paralleled it very closely but that was the problem, the road simply wasn’t far enough away to get away.

I was so tired it took me a while to realize that Highway 140, also called Old Hwy 40 if I didn’t confuse the few road signs that were still standing, had taken a jog south. First came this little spot on the map called Black Wolf and it was as scary as its name implied and I cut through there as fast as I could, keeping myself to myself. After there things started clearing up and I was some relieved. I stepped over off the road to take care of myself … monthlies are the pits when you are on the road and mine never did like to find a regular schedule; oh no, it liked to surprise me. After that I looked at my maps, wore badly in places but luckily in places I didn’t need them, and I saw I could follow the road I was on and eventually it would loop back to the interstate nearly Salinas, Kansas. I decided the extra miles would be worth it to avoid everyone’s misery.

I taped my shoe back together one more time and then got going. The town of Ellsworth was empty and ransacked. There wasn’t much there to begin with although by some standards it had been huge since it had a Best Value Inn and a couple of historical museums. Unfortunately what hadn’t been ransacked had been burnt over. I just didn’t understand the destruction, it seemed about the most illogical thing you could do under the circumstances.

Outside of Ellsworth the weather started going funny. The wind got a little worse than it had been but it was the feel of it that bothered me more than anything. I saw some clouds off in the distane that promised some kind of storm but I wasn’t sure if rain was part of that. When I started seeing lightning coming out of the leading edge of the storm along the skyline I knew it was time to find me some shelter. Lightning was nothing to fool with back home, out in the open flatness that was Kansas it seemed even more of a danger.

I looked around and finally spotted a house and barn that sat back off the road a piece. Another rumble of thunder decided it for me and I added what speed I could to my gate.

The house was further away than I had thought; like an illusion, the longer I walked the further away it seemed to get. It was taking forever to reach my chosen destination. But the storm didn’t have any trouble traveling fast, it was closer to me before I was closer to the house. The funky grey-green color spread to take over the whole sky. I had finally reached the drive when a gust of wind almost picked me up off my feet and that is no small task.

And that one gust seemed to signal a change for the worse. That’s when I saw two kids struggling towards the backyard. There was a little girl with long blonde braids and an even smaller boy she was trying to pull along. It wasn’t that the little boy didn’t want to go with her it is that the wind fought them every step of the way. Then she happened to glance my direction, pointed, and let out a scream that I didn’t hear.

I know a stranger could put fear into some people, and these were kids, but I got the feeling it wasn’t me that had scared her so bad. I turned to look behind me and nearly screamed myself.

I’d never seen a tornado in real life but I had on TV. It didn’t do it justice, no mere picture or video ever could. When you see this flavor of God’s nature in action I don’t care who you are, you will turn and run like the world’s biggest coward. But the wind wasn’t cooperating, it was taking all my energy to go forward; those poor kids didn’t stand a chance. The girl had grabbed a hold of the T of the clothesline but the little boy was wrenched away from her.

I scooped him up as soon as I could get to him and then grabbed the girl by her arm. I tried to head to the barn but she twisted and then slapped me pointing to a hole in the ground. The sound around me was like nothing I’d ever heard, no have a desire to hear again. It was like some unimaginably large giant had picked up an entire orchestra and was just slamming it on the ground over and over and over. It was a god-awful scary noise.

I threw the kids in the hole and saw it actually had a door but it took nearly all the strength I had left to pull it closed. I thought I would have to hold it closed against the wind until the girl came up around me and slammed an old pipe bar down into brackets on either side before scrambling as far back as she could; I didn’t know if it was from the storm or me. If it was possible at that moment the sound got even louder and a slat came out of the door and the wind started pouring in.

I ran to the back of what looked like a root cellar and not asking their permission pinned the two kids into a corner and did my best to keep the flying debris from hurting them. My pack took the brunt of the worst of it and then something hit my head and all was darkness.

I couldn’t have been out very long. My eyes popped open and I had to swallow back a yell. Two little faces were staring down at me. The boy, later found out he was five years old with hair as dark as his sister’s was light. “You’re heavy.”

I’d dealt with enough little kids to know that you played along or you might scare them to pieces. “I know. Did I squash you flat?”

The little boy turned bashful but the sister wasn’t as easily pacified. “Mister, how come you are in our yard?” She wasn’t belligerent but she wasn’t friendly either.

With kids honesty is always the best policy. “The storm started to look bad so I was looking for a place to shelter until it was over.”

“But you were going to the barn.”

“Well, I told you, I was looking for a place to get out of the storm.”

She looked at me like I was more than a few bricks shy of a load. “You never go to a barn when a big wind comes. The barn could fall on you.”

“Good to know.” I stopped and looked around and didn’t know quite how to broach the subject. “Hey, uh, you know … where’s the adults around here?”

She clammed up for a minute and then started shaking. “Are you going to hurt us?”

“What?!” I scooted away from them and kept my hands visible. “No. Absolutely not. I’m … look, I know I might look scary but, honest, hurting a kid is the last thing I’d ever chose to do.”

Well she started crying and then the little boy started crying and I didn’t know what to do without making it worse. Then I remembered.

“Hey … hey girl … is your brother allowed to have c-a-n-d-y?” I crinkled the bag to get her attention.

She sniffed and with a suspicious look on her face said, “We aren’t supposed to take any from strangers.”

“Well, that’s why I asked before offering it to him. My parents always told me the same thing. But I’ll save it in case it gets to a point you don’t think I’m a stranger anymore.” I stopped with a sigh. “I don’t want to upset you again but aren’t there any adults around?”

“You promise you aren’t going to hurt us?”

“I promise. Look, it might not mean a lot to you but I grew up with some … er … kids that had lots of health problems and stuff. I would never have hurt them or stood by and let anyone else hurt them. It kinda makes me mad when people hurt kids so if someone is around here hurting you I’ll … er … talk to them if …”

“No. No … we came home from school and there was a note that mom and dad went to Salinas to some shopping only they never came back. It got dark and I tried to call Aunt Beth and she told me to stay put that bad things were happening and that mom and dad would get home as soon as they could. We waited and waited but they’ve never come back. The school bus never came back. Nobody ever came back.” She started crying again and so did the little boy.

I stepped out of the hole and looked around at the damage. The barn was missing part of its roof. The house had some missing shingles and part of the porch had collapsed under the weight of a tree that had landed on it. There was another tree split on the other side of the yard. There was all sorts of debris in the yard but that looked to be about all there was.

I started to walk around when both kids scrambled out and the girl asked in panic, “Are you leaving?!”

“Huh? No but I’m not sure what to do. I’ve got a headache and I’m just so tired. I know you don’t trust me but, would it be all right if we went in your house and I laid down for a few minutes? Even laying down on the porch …”

“No! The coyotes will get you!”

“I’m too big for a coyote to eat,” I said trying not to smile.

“Not just one coyote, a bunch of them. They got the chickens first and then a bunch of big dogs came and got the cow and her baby. It was … it was awful.” She turned a little paler than she was already.

“Well, if you are talking dogs … A big one tried to turn me into a chew toy several weeks back. Maybe … maybe the barn.”

The girl finally said, “If I let you come inside, will you stay?”

I looked at her and said, “I’ll stay until we figure something out.”

It took three days and a lot of soul searching along the way to figure that something out. I knew as soon as I heard they were alone that these two kids couldn’t have survived on their own for much longer. It wasn’t just four legged predators roaming around, there were the two legged kind and if I had run across their house eventually someone else would as well. I’m flaming surprised someone hadn’t done it before; it had to be God looking after them and hiding them from eyes he didn’t want seeing them.

But I had seen and once I had seen there was no way to push off the responsibility. The girl was named Trish and she was ten but looked younger. The boy was five and was called Mickey though his proper name was McDonald. “That was Aunt Beth’s name before she married Uncle Henry,” or so I was told.

It just broke my heart to see how hard Trish had been trying to take care of her brother. Lot’s of sorrow to their tale. But the biggest gotcha for me? Their last name was Marshall. And it gets even creepier. The dad’s name was Jonathon. I mean … come on … I’d already decided to help the kids but did God really need to kick me upside the head with a more obvious pull to the heart strings? I had been wondering in my heart whether or not there was some way to make up for not saving Jonathon and Nana. I’d prayed about it and … well Dad always said be real careful of what you pray for because you just might get it.

The first problem we had was that there was no way those kids were going to be able to walk to Topeka. The aunt and uncle lived outside of Topeka around some lake. I found their address in the family address book that was conveniently beside the kitchen phone. I gathered up some other stuff that I thought the kids might need or appreciate – mom’s jewelry, a few mementoes of their dad, the family picture albums, the stack of home movies on DVD, the family Bible that had all of their important papers in it like birth certificates and shot records, a few other little odds and ends.

I tried to remember what it was that my dad had found so important to keep when his mom died. The blouse she went to the hospital in, her glasses and keys, her hair brush, her pocket book and all of the junk in it. He always kept a pack of Juicy Fruit in there so that it would always keep that smell he remembered his mom’s purse having ever since he was a little kid.

Then I had Trish help me go through the house and find what little food was left. There wasn’t a whole lot but it was better than nothing, plus it was all home canned stuff. The cornmeal and flour had weevils in it but like Mom said, “If you don’t tell ‘em then they don’t know the difference.” I sifted the flour and cornmeal into zip bags that I added a bay leaf to. When I saw the boots in her parents’ closet I asked before taking two pair of boots. They weren’t a perfect fit but they were a ton better than what I had. I gave my boots a proper burial … they needed it so that they wouldn’t stink up the house when we closed it up.

Most of the last day I spent fixing a pony cart that had been out in the barn. “Grandad made it for Mom when she and Dad moved out here. Only ponies are too expensive and they had to get rid of it when I was little.”

“Well, I’m a sight bigger than a pony but I think this will work. Sometimes you might have to walk but hopefully not all the time. But I can’t fix that shade thing that goes over the top; you make sure you and your brother have hats and rain gear just in case.”

The last evening there I ran into trouble. Trish is a smart kid. I’ll say it again like I said it a lot growing up … kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for being.

“Rocky, how come you sound like a guy but you talk like a girl. You say the same kinds of things that Momma and Aunt Beth say.”

“Uh ….” I couldn’t do it. I know anyone else would have done it with a smile and been able to make something believable up. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t just stand there and lie to her face. “This is a big secret Trish and I guess if we are going to be traveling partners I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell another living soul, not even Mickey.” I proceeded to give her a very abbreviate version of my life up to that point. “So you see,” I told her after about an hour of story and followed by her questions. “I want you to be able to trust me but I understand … well, I just understand. But I also can’t leave you here. We’ll leave that letter just on the off chance someone comes looking for you guys and then we’ll go find your aunt and uncle.”

She swallowed it all a lot easier than I know an adult would have. Maybe that’s one of the good things about childhood, the ability to believe in the fantastic. But something was still on her mind. “What if … what if Aunt Beth and Uncle Henry aren’t there? What if they de … disappeared just like mom and dad?”

“I’m not promising that they’ll be there but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But what I do promise you is that I won’t just leave you and Mickey alone without someone to help you. OK?”

It wasn’t OK. This poor kid was scared but it was the best we could come up with.

I woke them up early the next morning and we got on the road so fast they didn’t have time to get scared or sad about leaving. It was still mostly dark and soon Mickey was back to sleep and Trish not too far from it. I pulled them and their belongings along in the pony cart. I looked like some where kind of rickshaw driver. If there had been a bicycle I would have tried to figure out some way to use it as the power but there was only Trish’s bike and I had to cannibalize it to fix the pony cart.

For the kids the traveling got old real fast. Trish was quiet but Mickey wanted to get down and run around. I tried to take breaks to let him run his wiggles out so that his bouncing didn’t throw my stride off so much and make a hard job harder but it didn’t always work. Mushroom State Park was the only place that day where they seemed to calm down; apparently they’d gone there often enough with their parents that they were too busy remembering to get rambunctious.

It took two days to get to Salinas and I got through there as quick as I could. It was a knot of misery the likes of which I hadn’t even seen in Laramie. Laramie had been alive, this place was full of the walking dead. I wasn’t even walking in the middle of town but south of the interstate. The further east I seemed to go the worse it got. Or maybe it was the closer we got back to merging with the interstate.

I stayed on old Highway 40 as much as I could. Sometimes I had to cut through fields, parking lots, or around buildings to get around obstacles, mostly of the manmade variety. I just kept pulling. After Salinas the kids didn’t want to get out of the cart and walk. The place had scared them. I tried to ignore the fact that there parents had disappeared in that city but Trish couldn’t ignore it and Mickey picked up on his sister’s sadness and fear.

After Salinas we stayed the night in Solomon. I had hoped to get through there before night hit but just couldn’t. I was tired and getting more tired. Pulling that cart wasn’t like walking and carrying my pack; it was like fighting upstream. If the terrain had continued to be flat I’m not sure what I would have done. Two more short days because of Mickey’s stomach – I only found out then that he wasn’t a very good traveler – found us in Chapman, Kansas.

A day after Chapman we were in another sizeable town, this one called Junction City. I got all kinds of turned around trying to find a road that we could travel that wasn’t the interstate but had not luck. It seemed like the I70 was the only piece of blacktop that took you anywhere. What was worse was that as I left the city the next day the interstate turned into a dog track. Something had happened at Marshall Airfield. Cars and trucks and all sorts of stuff that I’m not sure I want to ever know what it was originally littered the entire area. The only good thing is that there was a National Guard presence keeping the roadways moving along. No stopping and gawking, be about your business.

I was more thankful every day that I had thought to fill all the containers I could with water from the kids’ house. There just didn’t seem to be any place that you could stop and get a drink from. It was after the Ft. Riley Military Reservation that we started picking up the rowdy element. Some of these people were scary. If I hadn’t had the kids I would have been OK I think but this being a guardian just took it out of me. I was constantly having to warn people away from the pony cart, away from the kids, trying to lure Mickey away, the men taking notice of Trish and saying things that would have been inappropriate to say to a grown woman, much less a 10 year old girl child. I couldn’t sleep at night as the one time I had I woke up to find someone trying to steal stuff from us. I was scared to death I’d wake up too late and someone was trying to steal the kids next.

I was already way on the other side of exhausted before we went that next two days to McFarland. I knew part of the reason that things were getting worse is because it was summer and all the goods that had just been lying around up to that point were all gone. I saw sites that had obviously been ransacked more than once. People were getting hungry and hungry people get mean. When the road started dancing in front of my eyes I knew that I had to find someplace safe so that I could get some sleep.

I had been following the frontage road as often as I could but when I saw it was getting towards dark and most sensible people were already off the road I took the next exit. McFarland is nothing but hand full of streets backed up against some railroad tracks but it was all I had at the moment. The town itself was deserted of original residents and only those of us who were vagabonds remained.

I was heading for a badly tore up building hoping with other better buildings available no one would be in that one. It was dark. I was practically tripping over my feet but I was determined not to go down. Then I heard a sharp cry from Trish and I spun around looking for the threat. He towered over me and the moon made his outline even more terror-inducing to my exhausted brain.

 

[Barb]

I am enjoying reading this again. Thank you.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 16

I had the rifle off my arm and aimed.

“Whoa! Put it down Kid. It’s me … Hey … Kid … @#$% … Richards!!”

I pulled the barrel up when I realized who the boogey man was. The surge of complete relief and gratitude caught me off guard. In fact I was so overwhelmed with relief my knees almost gave out. Thank goodness it was dark enough that the shadows would hide my expression. I back pedaled and tried to remember I couldn’t jump up and grab him like I was some kind of helpless female. “Oh for Pete’s Sake. Don’t go calling him, he’s worse than an old woman. Trish, stop crying. Remember the men I told you about that helped me get to Nebraska? Back up a little Thor, they’ve been through a lot.”

Trish stopped crying on a hick up and gave a wide-eyed stare at all of the men that had suddenly come out of the dark. Then she got a funny look on her face and wrinkled her nose. “What cool randomness. But … they really do stink just like you said.”

It wasn’t just Thor who stank. Nor was it Richards and Evans that came running at Thor’s bellow. There were several strangers amongst the group that eventually piled around us and I was starting to get real nervous real fast. I knew I was too tired and wasn’t thinking straight but I’d given a whole lot just to deal with Thor or Evans than the prying eyes of all of these other men. The more there were the higher the chance for someone to see through my disguise. But the old axiom that people only see what they expect to see was holding. And apparently Evans, and even Thor, had described me enough as a “he” that a “he” is what they saw.

I shrugged Richards off but turned to him and said, “Check the kids out first. They seem OK enough with I found them but …”

I stepped between him and the kids and muttered for his and Thor’s ears only. “They’d been alone since March. They got off the school bus but the parents never came home. Nearly all the food in the house was gone and local wildlife had taken all their livestock. Girl is 10, boy is 5. The girl has a lot of gumption and isn’t a cry baby but after being alone so long you can imagine she’s fragile.”

Thor told the other men, “Break it up. We’ve got a job to do and I don’t expect to see a lot of bodies standing around doing nothing. If you have enough energy to do that then I’m not working you hard enough.”

I heard a few of the men groan but they all filed off leaving the three men I knew best, me, and the kids alone. Seeing that Richards was pretty doggone good with kids I pulled Thor and Evans to the side. “Look, I know I have no right to ask – and I’m willing to trade what I have to – but … but I need some sleep. It’s been rough since Salina and I still need to get them to Topeka. Just one good night’s sleep, that’s all I’m asking. The kids won’t be a problem; they’ve been bedding down in the tent with me when I’ve been able to get any sleep. Just one night …” I tried not to sound like I was begging but I think I would have at that point.

Evans said quietly, “Shoot kid, you don’t even need to ask. I’ll spell you.”

I was feeling relieved when Thor said, “No you won’t.”

Evans got a mean look on his face until Thor said, “Rocky will bring the kids over and we’ll take turns the way the rotation is meant to.”

At that Evans grinned, slapped Thor on the shoulder and ran to make sure there was a space in the caravan to fit us.

Richards turned when Evans ran off and said, “Little malnutrition but not nearly what I expected to find. Trauma yes, but again, not nearly as much as I expected to find. For a ten year old child, the young girl certainly managed far better than I would have thought possible. She’s a keeper. Little boy seems to have some developmental delays but it could be the result of the trauma, can’t tell in a five minute diagnostic. I’ve personally heard stories with similar beginnings that ended a great deal worse. Good thing you found them when you did Rocky. If she had been forced to leave the house … it would not have … well, I’m not even going there. Now I’ve got to get back to that fool that drank that poisoned hooch. I’m still not sure whether he is going to pull through or not.”

The kids had gotten over their initial fear of the unexpected company but were still noticeably overwhelmed. I reintroduced them to Thor and then told them we had a place to stay for the night. Before I could pick up the full weight of the cart Thor helped me to lift it. Before I could object he said quietly, “Don’t be a hard head. You’re all done in.”

It wasn’t long before I had a quiet corner surrounded by the gear of Thor’s men to set up a small camp for the kids and I. I got a few disgruntled looks from the others, and a lot of curious stares from the guys with them, but no one was openly hostile. I made sure the kids were tucked inside the tent and then gave them time to go to sleep. I was nodding off in front of the flap when Thor came over again.

“Thor,” I whispered. “Never mind … if you feel you gotta lecture me then go ahead, just keep it down so the kids don’t get scared.”

“I ought to. I ought to whale the tar out of you … but Evans … aw @#$%. Listen Kid, just because every one of us would likely have done the same thing at your age doesn’t make it right. But … I’m gonna leave it at that and just say pot, nice to me you, my name’s kettle.”

I snorted an involuntary laugh at that. “I … look Thor … I’ll be out of your hair in the morning. I … can’t imagine how I run into you all here but it is too flaming providential. I’m no fool … stupid and stubborn on occasion but I hope not a fool.” I could have said more. I wanted to say more. I was afraid more would have given me away.

Evans showed up and offered me a bowl of some kind of stew. “Have the kids eat yet?”

“Yeah.” I looked inside the tent. “Besides they’ve already crashed and burned.” I looked at the bowl and then up and said, “I don’t wanna take something out of anyone’s mouth. I’ve got my own supplies.”

“Don’t sweat it kid, there was enough. You look like you need it.”

I shrugged and dug into the bowl hungrily. I’d wanted to do some hunting but was worried that the sound of a rifle would draw unwanted attention even if the area had any wildlife left in it.

“It’s none of my business but what are you all …” I cracked a huge yawn. “What are you all doing here anyway? And in the company of these other men? I heard you mention a job.”

“Guarding a grain shipment. It gets us from point A to the next stop along the way and buys us food in our belly and some for the road.”

“OK, I know I’m stupid tired but did you just say a shipment of grain? If there is grain why are all those people on the road going hungry?”

“Because all of those people on the road are sitting around waiting for someone to give it to them instead of finding a way to earn their keep. They’re just waiting to be rescued and no one is going to do it, not now. That’s the next big wave of dead coming up. When winter kicks in people are going to be hurting something fierce and the weak aren’t going to make it. Medium and small towns are doing best as long as they can get supplies. The big cities … not so much although most of them seem to be trying. Little dots on the map aren’t anything but bandit bait.”

I thought of the family farm and wondered if our orchards and berry patches were going to get run over before I could get back home. I wondered if I even had a house to go back to. Nana having spilled the address to strangers was my secret fear.

“Whatcha thinking Kid?”

I was so tired I didn’t even object to him calling me Kid. “Home. The closer I get the further away it seems.” Then I sighed and said, “Thanks. I know you have reason to turn me away but for the little kids’ sakes … thanks.”

He shook his head. “You are stupid tired. Get some sleep. We have another day of layover and you might as well rest up. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

I didn’t like the sound of that but was too tired to come up with a snappy comeback. I was asleep before I could even take off my boots.

-----------------------

Suddenly I was stuck under a pile on of miniscule proportions. “Listen you little monkey, that is not a nice way to wake someone up.”

All Mickey did was laugh as I tried to figure out why the light was so bright. “Whoa, not again or one of us is going to have an accident.” I looked over at Trish who was trying not to laugh. They really were good kids all things considered.

“Let me up so I can get you two fed.”

“Mr. Chuck already brought us something but he told us to stay in the tent ‘til you woke up. Mickey thought it was taking you forever to wake up.” I looked at my watch and realized it was close to noon and that Mickey probably wasn’t the only one that had been wanting me to wake up if she’d been stuck in the tent.

“Mr. Chuck?” I asked trying to wake up.

“Yo … Rocky … you back amongst the land of the living yet?”

I tried to crawl out of the tent but wound up having to do it with a small rodent by the name of Mickey clinging to my back. “In a manner of speaking,” I told Chuckri.

“Mister Chuck!” both kids cried out when they saw him.

I raised my eyebrows at the red creeping into his face. “My kids … would be about the same age.”

I opened my mouth on a question and then closed it when I saw the fear in his eyes. He was afraid he was going to get to Independence and his family wouldn’t be there. At least, as bad as the ending to that part of my story was I knew for certain. Chuckri didn’t … not yet … and like Trish and Mickey might not ever, not for sure. There are worse fates than a life time of not know, but not too many. Even if you learn to be at peace with it a small candle flicker must still be hiding back there to give you nightmares. A few people do come back after you think they are gone for good … the names Dugard and Smart swam into my memory … but usually the brutal truth is they don’t. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy yet I had a feeling that there were a lot of people all around me experiencing that … maybe for the rest of their lives.

“I’ll watch the kidlets. Thor wants to talk to you.”

Lovely, I wasn’t even upright for five minutes before I had to prepare myself for being raked over the coals. I sighed. “Might as well get it over with. Just watch the guys and the F-bombs. These kids were raised right. OK?”

Chuckri was already being handed a book and getting a story demanded out of him but he did manage to throw a “Sure thing” at me before I walked away.

I spotted Thor off to the side with a man I didn’t recognize so I leaned against a tree to wait while I chewed on the last piece of jerky I had. I figured chewing on that would keep my mouth shut. Instead Thor called me over with a jerk of his head.

“Rocky, this is Jute Carlson. Jute, Rocky Charbonneau.” I kept chewing and nodded my head as the nervous little man danced from foot to foot, obviously anxious about something.

“Big ‘un ain’t ya. Musta made your momma cry for sure.”

Oh brother, not two second in that cretin’s company and I was ready to chew on more than the jerky.

Thor headed off Jute’s mouth by saying, “Jute signed on to go to Topeka but he got a better offer from a caravan heading south to the Gulf Coast. His contract stipulates to get what pay is coming to him he needs to find a replacement before he can accept the new offer.”

I looked at Thor. “I made a promise to those kids.”

The man called Jute broke in nervously and said, “I’ll give you a quarter of my earnings up to this point.”

“That must be some sweet deal,” I said trying to figure out what was going on.

“OK, a third, but I can’t afford no higher. I’m going to need the silver and the seed when I get where I’m going.”

I pretended to think about it and looked to Thor out of the corning of my eye and saw him give him half a wink.

I sighed like I was sure that I was getting the short end of the deal somehow but then said, “Allright I …”

Whatever I was going to say was buried underneath all the jabbering coming out of Jute’s mouth and then him flying lickety split to get his gear and catch up with the boss of the other caravan. “OK, so exactly what did I just sign on for. I’m serious Thor, I promised those kids I’d do my best to help them find their aunt.”

“And if she isn’t where she is supposed to be?”

“Depends on what I find. Either way I promised I wouldn’t just abandon them.”

Thor flipped me in the head with his hat. “Mush brain. You don’t go around making promises like that.”

“Not to adults, but those kids would have been eaten up by something … or someone … if I hadn’t taken them on. I have to live with myself every day, not just when it is convenient. So again, what is this job or did you just need a way to get him off the team?”

I surprised Thor yet again. “What makes you say that?”

“He doesn’t seem the type you would have much patience for and he gave up a third of his pay too quick. Either the job going south is just that much better or he was desperate to get away from this one for some reason.”

Thor looked at me for all of two seconds and then let out a laugh that was starting to make me hear more of it. That … that was a bad sign. I could not get friendly with this guy; not any friendlier than I already was. I wasn’t chuckleheaded enough to make him mad at me on purpose just to keep him at arm’s length but I needed to be more careful. I hadn’t done anything to make him laugh on purpose though so I just waited.

“Kid, it’s … well @#$%, it’s good to have you back even if you are a pain in the @#$.”

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically. “But do me a favor and give the foul language a rest in front of the kids if you can. I know I shouldn’t ask but … they’re just little kids. And Mickey is a freaking parrot. If I do find their aunt I don’t want to be run out of town on a rail because he turns into a pint-sized foul-mouthed sailor. And you still haven’t told me what the deal is. Or are you avoiding it?”

“Nah. It’s actually a pretty decent gig … if you’re willing to work. Standard stuff … road security, baby sitting the tagalongs, making sure no one tries to snitch any of the load at night or on the road. Problem from here on out will be that we are traveling straight down the interstate. There are a lot of beggars. There’s an advance guard that goes out in front of us and clears any obvious problems … road or human … but there’s still a risk. We’ll put the kids with Chuckri in the middle third truck. The thing is built like a tank and they’ve reinforced the paneling and flooring just in case anyone gets too creative.”

“Is it Topeka that is bad or is it just a bunch of desperate people?”

After thinking a moment Thor said, “Topeka isn’t heaven on earth, that’s for sure, but it ain’t so bad as most cities that size should be under the circumstances. The city got sprayed with some kind of toxic chem. From what they say it wasn’t a gas and only made you sick on contact. Problem was that it came down in an oil and it took a long time to find and clean it all up. Mass die off in the beginning but most of the chem seems to have degraded and most cases of poisoning are now mild and few and far between. We had just rode into town when we got approached by this enclave out around Sherwood Lake. We picked up this load of wheat and in exchange we get paid in metal and grain. We need both if we are going to make it all Independence. We’ve got to bypass Kansas City and come up into Buckner.”

“Wait … I thought that Chuckri’s family was in Independence?”

“Just the other side of by a little over a dozen miles, by the Missouri River. So, you in kid?”

“Yeah, into Topeka. But I don’t want to promise more than that in case I have to go looking for the kids’ aunt … or … or if I have to keep them with me for a while more.”

“You know what you could be getting yourself into? Eighteen isn’t very old to be taking on that kind of responsibility.”

“There you go again, sounding like you are the Old Man of the Mountain,” I said even though I’d already told myself once that it was dangerous to be playing with fire. My thoughts about Thor had taken some warmly uncomfortable turns in my dreams lately and I was gonna get burned to death if I wasn’t careful. “Seriously though, I’ve got lots of experience with kids. Peewee League, scouts, and just about everything else my parents ever volunteered for.”

“They drag you along?”

I sighed. He already knew about me being a GWB so I decided to be honest. It made my parents look better and I wanted someone to know all the sacrifices they’d made for me. “My parents volunteered to work with children’s programs so that I’d have someone to play with. All of my cousins were at least ten or more years older than me and there weren’t that many of them to begin with. Parents of the kids couldn’t say too much and it gave the kids a chance to get to know me in an organized activity.”

“Did it work?” he asked.

I thought about it then shrugged. “Sometimes. But when it didn’t it was more the adults’ faults than my parents or the other kids. It wasn’t until I made it in highschool football that suddenly I had more so-called friends than I knew what to do with. Suddenly my folks didn’t need to tie a proverbial pork chop around my neck to get the dogs to play with me. But by then I’d made my own space and was satisfied with it. Besides, there was always Jonathon.”

Thor grunted. “You’ve had it harder than people think haven’t you?”

“Huh?” Then I started laughing a little. “I didn’t tell you to turn it into a sob story. I’m not out for anyone’s pity … nor their sympathy either. My parents made a good life for me and now I’m trying to make one for myself. No one has it perfect. I imagine everyone – you included – could tell a sad story if they tried, and some even if they didn’t.”

This time it was his turn to shrug. “Actually I didn’t have it too bad when I was a kid. The only wrinkle was my old man was a lot older than my mom and wasn’t really into kids by the time I came along. It was a good life until he died when I was fifteen. His ticker just gave out. We had to move into my grandmother’s place and she never let my mom live it down. I was out of the house the day after I graduated and never went back. I moved Mom out with me after a year but then she got sick … mostly I think she gave up. My dad had done everything for her and she just didn’t want to learn to cope after he died. After that I got a job with a contracting unit and I’ve been around the world enough to know I’m tired of traveling. I want to settle down, just don’t know where yet.”

That was a lot more than I thought he was going to tell me and it turned me inside out. Lucky for me the kids came running up with Chuckri. Trish crowded me and Mickey tried to climb me like a tree.

“Thor … trouble. The advance team came back, some of them any way.”

The kids were shaking so I knew it was bad. “Come on you two. Let’s go clean up our camp. Always …”

It was Mickey that responded, “Leave a place better than you found it.” Like I said, a little parrot. But I thought having him repeat something that that Dad had drilled into my head was better than some of the other things I’d heard him repeat.

I didn’t like being left out but I had responsibilities however I didn’t have to wait long as Evans came trotting up. “Ightmay antway otay etgay the idskay inay the enttay. Itsay adbay.”

“OK, nap time.”

“Awww,” Mickey started to complain.

Trish said, “Don’t Mickey. I want to go in the tent. I’ll lay down if you will. You can even hold my pillow.” I looked at her and she said, “Dad and I used to speak Pig Latin as a joke. I don’t want to see it if it is bad.” Then she zipped the tent shut tight despite the heat of the day.

I turned to Evans and he said, “It ain’t good. This is going to change our plans.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 17

“What happened?” I asked Evans. “Have you heard?”

“Most of it … or at least all that I need to know. Thor isn’t going to give those road pirates a second chance.”

“He’ll burn ‘em out?” I asked envisioning some kind of battle royale in the near future and despite myself getting a little excited.

“Kid, get your head out of the … er … the story books.” I’m sure he meant to say something else but it was cute the way he changed it for the kids’ sake who were bound to have been listening through the tent whether they admitted to it or not. “This is real life. You leave that stuff to the people what’s it their job to do things like that. Playing hero only gets you dead. Or worse, gets your friends dead. He’ll send a message rider to the militia and they’ll come in and burn ‘em out … assuming the pirates are that lucky,” Evans said ominously. “You don’t mess with most of these militiamen out here. They’s kinda touchy of whot’s theirs to protect.”

I didn’t like being told that I was romanticizing things and not being realistic. I know that’s not exactly how Evans said it but that is what he meant. And when he explained it I could see what he meant; it still embarrassed me though.

“Hey Kid, don’t think you’ll get out of all of the fighting. Even on the back roads we’ve seen some people get too pushy. But when you’s got a job to do you do it. Lucky for us though so far the pirates have stuck to the main transportation lines. They’ve been picking up all of the toys that have just been lying around and most of ‘em like to play rough.”

Trying to figure out what Evans meant I asked, “You mean they’ve been finding guns and stuff?”

“Kid, more than little pop guns.” He pulled me further away from the tent. “One group even had a cobbled together Gatling gun from some museum, or so we heard. Flame throwers, grenades, and other nasty things. Worse though, some of those … turds … are starting to show up with biologicals and chems. All we can do is pray that all the dirties have already been detonated; don’t need more of that stuff going off. Kid, that reminds me, you ain’t planning on going to Asheville are you?”

“Why?” I asked suspicious at the sudden change of topic.

“Got word that the city proper took a few bad hits – conventional not nuclear – and then the riots really took her to the ground. There’s an enclave out at the Biltmore working the vineyards and using the grounds for gardens but Asheville itself ain’t no place to be if you can hep it.”

Trying to put his mind at rest without giving away any more than necessary I told him, “Well, I can hep it. I don’t plan on going into North Carolina at all. Well, only the state line but then I’ll pick up the AT and head north. That good enough for now?”

“What’s the AT?”

“Appalachian Trail.”

He was about to grill me some more when Montgomery came up in a hurry. “Load up. We’re heading back to Alma and overnight there. Next day is Keene and we’d hopefully get more intel there.”

The kids were scared but when I told them they were riding with “Mr. Chuck” they settled right down. I asked him if he was sure that he’d have the patience. “If I can find the patience to be around my ex so that I can spend time with my kids, then these kids will be a breeze.”

Well that certainly put a different spin on the story I was building in my head. I was wondering what I was going to do when Thor whistled. He was having the pony cart put on the back of one of the equipment trailers. “You fit to walk?”

“Sure.”

“Good. That’ll give me someone that can run between trucks. It’s only five miles to Alma. We’ll overnight there. This is going to put us days behind but I will not risk this shipment if the pirates are working that stretch.”

Not only did I “run,” I had to help push off some debris that people had piled into the road since the last time they had been through. I’d gotten used to the extreme flatness that I had come through but in this area I started to relearn about up and down and how to pace myself. Despite the good night’s sleep I had gotten by the time we pulled into Alma I was tired again. The heat coming off the road added to that but I had been warned to stay off the roadside as people with nothing better to do than cause pain and suffering to others had mined it with painful surprises … trip wires, spiked holes to catch the unwary hiker’s foot, actual mines that went boom. All I had to say was some people had way too much time on their hands and too little brain matter between their ears.

It was a tense night in Alma. The scenery, as beautiful as it was, couldn’t make up for it. Keene was a little over twenty miles away and we were really going to push it to get everyone there in a single day. Horses and trucks could have done it but we’d picked up some stragglers that were just trying to get from point a to point b and they were paying for the privilege.

Alfonso said, “We had a bigger group leaving Topeka than we have right now but there are more whiners in this group; makes the problems just about even I guess.”

He wasn’t kidding about the whiners. That night while Thor was going around getting everyone’s reports I asked him point blank, “Did you stick me where those crybabies could get to me on purpose?”

He gave a tired chuckle and said, “I’ll leave you to wonder.” After I told him that I thought one of the trucks was overloaded for the balled tires it had and a few other things that I’d noticed from “on the ground” so to speak he told me, “Anyone in particular giving you grief?”

“I have a couple of favorites but no one I can’t handle by ignoring them or giving them your trademark growl. That girl who said she was a cheerleader … wasn’t. The girl could barely get in and out of the pickup bed she finally conned someone into letting her ride in. She’s got clutz written all over her daisy dukes. And that guy who still insists on carrying around that brief case? Is it me or is he just plain creepy?”

He sighed, “It’s people like that that won’t make it through this winter. Well, the girl might if she makes herself available as a bed warmer but the life won’t be kind to her.”

I’m not crude by nature but that had been my thought as well. “Yeah, she reminds me of the girls whose boyfriends always ran off and leave them to get eaten by the monster in whatever horror flick was out. The kids weren’t a problem for Chuckri were they?”

Thor shook his head, “Best mood I’ve seen him in in a while. Might be that woman that was riding shotgun though. She was NG out of Topeka when things went south. She and he seem to have hit it off pretty well.”

The wicked grin on his face caused my own to warm up. When he noticed he said, “Lord you make me feel old. Get some rest, it is going to be a long day tomorrow and you have last watch.”

I wanted to groan but didn’t. There was no way I was going to allow myself to look weak. “Sure thing Old Man.”

“Yeah … and don’t you forget it.” Only when he said it I noticed that his voice didn’t have quite the whim, wigger, and witality that he normally did. I thought either I had hurt his feelings somehow, which I was at a loss as to how, or he wasn’t as unaffected by the constant work and ruckus as he tried to make people believe he was. It made me determined to be less of a pain for him, although a part of me enjoyed it enough I would miss it.

The road to Keene was both as good and as bad as I had expected. I switched off with several of the men so I didn’t have to be a runner the whole twenty miles. On the other hand that meant I had to ride in the trucks.

I learned something amazing. The body can get use to traveling at a slower pace and to suddenly get even close to “modern speed” the inner ear tries to revolt; or at least mine did. Anything faster than say twenty or twenty-five miles an hour and my head started to swim. As the day wore on the feeling was less pronounced as my body remembered what it was like traveling at that speed but it just seemed so strange to have that problem.

That night, when Thor came around I was almost too embarrassed to ask him if anyone had ever reported feeling like that.

“Kid, how many weeks, months, has it been since you were doing anything other than walking? God gave us two legs for a reason. On a horse we still feel the living thing beneath us doing what God created it to do. But when you get on a machine after so long away from it our brains kind of revolt. One of the reasons we filled that bus with grain instead of people is because on the trip out here we kept having people get car sick. Human body just isn’t designed to go from zero to sixty without practice. Some people like the feelings that roller coasters give you and some don’t. Some like driving fast and some don’t. Same thing.”

“Well, at least I don’t feel like such an idiot then. Although I do have some fond memories of our family vacation to Florida. We must have hit every theme park in the state and I rode every ride in every one of those parks. Of them all the only ones that gave me the willies were the 4D rides.”

“Four-D?”

“Yeah, you know. You’re watching a 3D show only they add special effects like puffs of air that feelings like things are crawling up your legs or rumbles in the head rest that makes it seem like there is something behind you.” He laughed and then shook his head at my foolishness. “Don’t tell me you never did anything for fun.”

With a look he said, “The kind of stuff I thought was fun isn’t the kind of stuff you tell in polite company.”

“Aw come on,” I laughed. “When is the last time I claimed to be polite company.” But no matter how I begged and pleaded he wouldn’t tell me. Oh well, not like I really needed to know but I wondered what Thor had thought of as fun … when fun was easier to come by.

The next day was the leg that would take us to the west side of Topeka. It was the same kind of day as the previous one except that at mid-day I ran up to the truck that Thor was in and hopped on the running board. “Thor, you’ve got a city map of Topeka.”

He looked at me through the rolled down window. “Yeah.”

“If I give you an address could you plot it?”

“If the address is good.”

I gave him the address of the kids’ aunt that I had taken out of the address book. “Looks like you’re in luck Kid. It’s near the enclave we are delivering to.”

“How near?”

He took another look and said, “Same lake but on the other side.”

That gave me a lot to think about. It was going to be easier to find the address than I thought but it seemed like it was also going to be sooner than I was ready for if their aunt wasn’t there. I jumped off the running board and went back to work which primarily amounted to babysitting the tagalongs. At my next break I ran to the truck where the kids were riding with Chuckri.

“Hey, how are you two kidlets doing?”

They both laughed. “What?!”

“You’ve got dirt on your face!” They both said continuing to laugh. I looked in the side view mirror and I did look a mess. “Ha ha, very cute,” I said grinning to take the sting out of my words. “They behaving themselves?” I asked Chuckri.

“Always.” You could tell he and the woman in the truck were fond of the kids and both seemed pretty good natured which even I knew was always a plus when working with kids.

I didn’t want to break the kids’ mood so I didn’t raise the fact that I would be going to look for their aunt the next day, tonight I would be stuck helping to unload the wheat and get rid of the tagalongs. I had no idea what I would find when I did go looking. I’d heard there was a secure enclave near with their aunt lived. But I’d also heard that Topeka was a mess. I didn’t know what I was going to find but for their sake, as well as Chuckri’s, I needed to find out sooner rather than later.

First we had to get into Topeka and I’d been warned it wouldn’t be pleasant.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 18

We’d been travelling on Skyline Road shortly before turning onto CR4 as we entered Keene. After the overnight in Keene we stayed on CR4 until we got to this area that used to be fancy golf clubs and the courses that members played on. There were a few that said “open to the public” but most of them look like they used to be those members-only types. The only reason that I knew they were golf courses at one time was because the signs because they sure didn’t look like it any more. And that’s where the trouble started. People had plowed up the greens of the golf courses and planted large gardens … and those gardens were well guarded.

Seems from what I eventually found out that it worked three ways. Some of the greens were “rented” to people living in the city. For those plots you either paid in some kind of currency such as precious metals and stones, jewelry, fuel, or the locally issued credits; or, you could pay in a percentage of your harvest similar to what share croppers used to do. Some of the other greens were actually worked by the remaining local government with the resulting produce used as salary (as opposed to salad) to pay municipal workers. The remaining greens had been taken over by whoever could hold them. That last group was the most dangerous as they tended to shoot first and ask questions later and because they were gradually getting taken over and absorbed by what amounted to a land baron turned gang leader.

I was running beside the tagalongs, warning them they were getting near to their disembarkation point – that is what the caravan bookkeeper called it not me, it sounded kind of snooty but I guess it was better than saying, “Hey y’all, we’re about to dump you on the side of the road.” Out of nowhere a series of shots rang out.

At least one of the shots hit the wheels of the truck with the balled tires and there was a pretty good bang as the tire gave out and the truck tipped in my direction. I hit the ditch to avoid the falling belongings that had been piled at the top of the already unwieldy load of goods that it was carrying. I’d warned Thor that I thought the load would be a problem but there hadn’t been time – or inclination – to unload and reload it better.

“Whoa … whoa … whoa!! Stand down!!” Thor bellowed at the top of his lungs. I wanted to ask him who he was talking to, us or the shooters, but was out of breath where I had hit a glancing blow on a concrete culvert on my way to find something close to a fox hole. I was trying to decide whether to crawl out of the ditch or not when the big man strode down the road. Another shot rang out and I rolled to the other side and took aim in the direction the shot had come from.

“Parnell! Either get your people under control or I’ll shoot them myself. Your boss already isn’t going to be too happy after I find him and take the cost of this equipment damage out of his hide!” Thor bellowed. “And if any of my people are hurt I will exact a more personal payment out of you!”

Some serious distrust of this Parnell character was beginning to set in for me. Suddenly I spied a rifle trying to get a better aim in Thor’s general direction. I was tracking the movements when the guy popped up fast and purposefully. “Thor! Down!!”

I got mean cold and then let fly. May not have been what Dad meant me to do when he was teaching me to hunt but then again I’d shot dangerous animals before and this was no different. The man was flung back behind his cover so I wasn’t for sure that I’d killed him, but I wasn’t exactly worrying the idea that he might be to death either.

My shot hadn’t even stopped echoing when a blow horn sounded. “Next person that takes a shot at this caravan will be arrested and taken before Judge Harold for prosecution by order of the First Topeka Militia and the City Council!”

“Hold still Kid,” Thor told me. “Don’t move and just do what the man says when he comes over.”

Several armed men in a mix of hunting gear and urban camou spread out into the fields ordering people to stand down if they hadn’t done so already. I saw one man try and back talk get a solid punch that sent him to his knees and he had his weapons confiscated before being hauled away. I decided to take Thor’s advice and stay down in the ditch. Besides my shoulder was really starting to sing from the stupid culvert. A man came over and was speaking to Thor and for some odd reason I started feeling dizzy.

“Kid. Hey Kid. Kid?” I turned to look up at Thor and then decided I would rather sit down even if it meant sitting down in a muddy ditch.

Thor jumped down and then said a few words that I had a hard time understanding since they kept slipping away from me. “What have you gone and done now?”

I tried to explain but was having a hard time focusing. “Think I might have … hey … will you stop moving?”

Only Thor wasn’t moving. Apparently what I had thought was a glancing blow of landing on the concrete culvert was actually where a bullet had skipped across my shoulder.

“Medic!” bellowed the guy that had been talking to Thor. I’ll admit though that his bellow wasn’t near as loud or pretty as Thor’s.

I was in the middle of trying to figure out whether I wanted to panic or puke when this woman nearly as big as me jumps down in the ditch, takes one look at me and asks, “What’s your name?”

I swallow and say, “Rocky Charbonneau.”

Then she gives me this sorta double look like you can’t quite believe what you are seeing or hearing. “You’re kidding me. The football player?” I eyed her real tight. She rubbed her hands together like she was planning something. “I got a couple of cousins that wanted to play against you so bad they couldn’t stand it. Can you walk?”

I sighed thinking my life was over. “Yeah.”

“Well then don’t just sit there like a knot on a log, I don’t plan on carrying you out of this ditch. A big tough like you should be able to rock and roll all day long and not complain about it.” I rolled my eyes thinking this woman has got to be kidding. Even had I been inclined to let my ego get that big my parents, Coach, or my team mates would have brought me back to reality. Throwing a thumb in a general direction she told me, “Get to my buggy and I’ll run you into the clinic. Thor, stop acting like a fuss budget. You’ll get Rocky back in one piece.”

“I can’t leave. My kids …”

“No way, I never heard that part of the story.”

I sighed, “Not mine mine. I mean I picked up a couple of kids that … oh never mind. I was bringing them their aunt and uncle around Sherwood Lake.”

“Name?”

“Huh?”

She gave me a look like my brains must have been leaking out of my ears. “The name of the aunt and uncle. I’ve got the latest roster here on my clip board.”

“Oh. Marshall … Beth and Henry Marshall … or maybe Elizabeth Marshall.”

As soon as the name was out of my mouth I knew something was up. She said quietly, “Beth was a Nurse Practitioner in my clinic. Henry died the day the chems fell … Beth died less than a week later when some junkies hit the clinic looking for a fix.”

Too late did I see a pale little face peeping from behind the front bumper of a truck a few feet away. I wasn’t the only one that had suddenly noticed her. “Oh crap. Was that the kid?” the woman asked as the tail of Trish’s braids disappeared.

“Yeah, the girl. Her name’s Trish, little brother too half her age.”

“We can’t take any more orphans,” the woman said in a dead voice. “No exceptions. And before you say anything else the rule isn’t mine. We’re overflowing with kids and we just can’t take anymore in.”

From the direction Trish had gone Chuckri came out and said, “Not a problem.”

We all looked at him and he threw his chin up daring anyone to say anything. I asked him anyway. “Chuckri, you sure? What about your plans?”

“Don’t have to change my plans, just adds to ‘em. Besides Delia and I … we want ‘em.” Like he was daring me he asked, “You got a problem with that Kid?”

“Kiss my left big toe. I’ve seen you with them ‘Mr. Chuck’,” I threw right back at him. “But it looks like I’m your buddy until you get to a stopping point because I promised the kids that I’d …” My steam was running out and I stumbled.

“OK, you can play Who’s Is Bigger when I get Rocky patched up.” I had a feeling that under any other circumstances I would have really liked this woman. But for right now she held my fate in her hands and I didn’t like anyone having that kind of power over me.

It was Thor that boosted me into the woman’s buggy. “Thor, I don’t have a problem with Chuckri but try and figure out what his problem is with me. He makes good dad material so I don’t get why he is so defensive about it. And watch my gear. And …”

“Shut up Kid,” he told me quietly. “Nona, I’ll be around to pick the Kid up as soon as I dump this load.”

“Listen to the man Rocky. You’d think it was a threat,” said the woman apparently named Nona.

“Yeah. Well …” the last was left hanging in the air as I started to hang onto the buggy strap. Nona didn’t appear to believe in the adjective slow.

As soon as we were far enough away the questions started. “OK, now want to tell me why the Butch do on your head and why for some unfathomable reason those men think you are male?”

“I’m so dead meat,” I groaned.

“Not if you can give me a good enough story.”

I looked at her and decided I didn’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter. I gave her an abbreviated version of my life since the world started falling apart. I ended by saying, “I’m not so full of myself that I don’t know that just because I was the Freight Train on the playing field that my reputation would do a doggone thing for me out in the real world. Under these clothes and this dirt I’m still a girl and there are still men that would get off on … er … putting me in my place the hard way.”

“I hear you.” She stopped and thought about it for a while as we tooled through heavier traffic now that we were in the city. “All right, I’ll keep your secret. On one condition.”

Suspicious I asked, “And that is?”

“You don’t give that guy grief that wants the kids.”

I was getting progressively dizzier but that didn’t make a bit of sense to me. “I never said I was going to give him any grief. He was the one that started up with me.”

“Then you be the one to back off. I know Delia and if she is still with the guy it is serious. Delia can’t have kids, something wrong with her ovaries, these kids would give her an in.”

I don’t like blackmail. “Look, I’ll risk it if you are trying to blackmail me. I’m not going to turn those kid over to just anyone. Nor will I sit back and watch a friend get used. I haven’t got all the details but Chuckri has already had enough grief from one woman over kids. I won’t …”

“Geez, relax with you. If you are backing Chook-Ree or whatever his name is I’ll back Delia. The kids will get the best of both.”

I told her fine but in my head I knew I had one more thing to check before I let it rest. I was in and out of the busy clinic in less time than it had taken to get there and I was left woozy and wondering just how I was going to get back to the crew.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d pick you up?” growled an irritable voice.

“Don’t Thor. Just don’t. My shoulder aches like a son of a gun and my head hurts from all the screaming and hollering going on in Saw Central,” I told him throwing my thumb back towards the clinic. “They were doing an amputation without anesthesia. And some guy came in burned to a crispy critter but he was still alive; I saw his eyes. And I don’t even want to know what else. Plus that crazy woman … Dr. Nona Schmitz … I had to pay in good silver to get out of there or she threatened to put me in the lock down ward.” Every bit of it was true but I was unnerved enough that I needed to turn it into a joke so that I could distance it a bit.

Thor snorted, “Sure Kid. Can you ride on your own or …?

“No doubles. I’ll stay on if I have to tie myself on. Just I hope you don’t have any dainty pony or donkey for me to ride. My feet might drag the ground.”

Thor just shook his head at my attempts at humor and asked, “Did the gargoyle shoot you up with something or did you hit your head too?”

“Neither though I’m wishing for one or the other right now. I’ve got some Tylenol in my pack. I’ll knock back a few when we get back.”

It wasn’t fun for me to get in the saddle but I did. It was Evans’ horse so I knew he wasn’t skittish which helped me to relax a bit. At least until Thor started in on me.

“Kid, I’m asking you to take it easy on Chuckri and not give him a hard time over the two little ones,” he started out quietly.

My temper could get the best of me even when I was feeling my best. But the way I was feeling right then he wasn’t halfway through the sentence before I was boiling. I jerked the poor undeserving horse to a stop and then turned to Thor. “Dat burn it already. Why is it that everyone is assuming that I’m going to give Chuckri any grief?! I’m not the one that started that crap. He did. I’m standing there feeling like crud, my head was spinning, I manage to remember my responsibilities to the kids and put them first, and he comes up and makes me look like the bad guy. Tell me please, what the heck did I do to deserve that?! And now you on top of everything else? What next? Evans going to read me the riot act too?”

I turned the horse again and just headed off down the road we were on. I was fighting hard to reign myself in if not the horse. It was Thor who grabbed the bridle and said, “Whoa!” despite the fact I hadn’t been going much more than a fast walk. “Don’t get so bent out of shape Kid.”

“You don’t get so bent out of shape. And go tell it to Chuckri too. And that Dr. Gargoyle who just happens to know Delia and read me the same story. If I hadn’t trusted Chuckri … and by his word that Delia woman … then the kids would never have been riding in the truck with him. If I hadn’t trusted you to know the right thing even if I didn’t I wouldn’t have had us join the caravan at all. So you and everyone else can go stuff it. I’ll make sure of what the kids want and if they don’t want to be here then nothing anyone can say will make me break my promise to them.”

I’d finally managed to shut him up. I clammed up and he didn’t say anything else. I followed him to the camp and then got off Evans’ horse. I was going to take care of the beastie but every time I tried to take the saddle off I pulled my shoulder. “Here Kid, just move out of the way.” It was Montgomery that had come up and I was hurting bad enough that I didn’t object.

I walked away stiffly without a backwards glance to see where Thor was and went in search of my gear. I spotted it off to the side by the pony cart and quicker than you could say Bob’s your uncle I broke into my first aid kick and was inhaling the pills I’d stashed there. The tent was already set up and I saw Mickey asleep inside and then jumped to look around for Trish. She was beside the tent and it was obvious she’d been crying. I could see Delia a little way off keeping an eye on the two but I decided it was best to ignore her for the moment.

I sat down more heavily than I had meant to. “Trish I need to talk to you. Do you mind?” A little shake of her head was all I got. “I know this whole thing hurts. I guess I might have gotten your hopes up by bringing you this way.”

A small voice said, “Sorta, but it isn’t your fault I guess. I wanted to believe that they were all just here waiting for us. Even Mom and Dad.”

“Aw Honey,” I said then sighed knowing I had to get to it before I got sidetracked in her pain. “Look, the timing isn’t great but I made you a promise and no matter what I am going to keep it. I’ve heard what everyone else wants for you and your brother. Now I want to know what you want.”

“I want my Mom and Dad. Or Aunt Beth. Even Uncle Henry though he used to make Dad mad.”

“I know how you feel. I want my folks so bad it’s like it won’t ever stop hurting. But neither one of us can have the first things we want. If I could make this come true for you I would but I can’t. But I want you to think on this, the only reason they didn’t come to get you is because they couldn’t. Death was the only thing that stopped them from coming to find you. That’s gotta mean something.”

She barely shrugged. “I guess. But what do we do now?”

“No one has said anything to you?”

“No. Everyone has just been so angry or busy.”

“What a buncha knuckleheads,” I muttered under my breath. “Trish, I think they are mad at me because they think I’m going to take you and Mickey away from the people that want you. Well, I’m not inclined to but I’m not going to stay out of it until I find out what you and Mickey want. You are who I made the promise to … not the other people.”

I finally had her full attention. “Trish, I need to know, do you want to be with Mr. Chuck and Delia? I know they want you … and Mickey too. I know that they seem like people that will try real hard to be good parents to you … not to make you forget your Mom and Dad but to continue doing the job your Mom and Dad were doing. They want to love you too. But I want you to have a say in it, not just what a buncha grownups tell you you have to do.”

She was quiet a long time. “Do you think Mom and Dad would be mad if we went with them?”

That choked me up a bit. “Trish, I’m not nearly old enough to have all the answers to stuff but your parents seemed like they loved you a whole bunch. I know they’d want people around that were going to take care of you and love you. And raise you right. I think Chuckri can be that person and Chuckri thinks Delia is that kind of person and I trust him to make a good decision about that kind of stuff.”

Another silence and then, “Mickey doesn’t even remember much anymore. Only me. Will I start forgetting too?”

That really hurt. “We might forget some things, that’s how God helps us to be able to live with the hurt. The memories get soft and fluffy around the edges. But we’ll always remember the most important thing which is that they loved us, that they helped us to know what love really is. It wouldn’t be a good thing though if we let their love be the only love we ever feel or let anyone ever give us. Sometimes it is just as important to let people love us as it is for us to learn to love them back.”

“Are you going to find you some parents too?”

I sighed, “Sometimes I wish I could but most of the time I remember that I’m already grown enough that I have to be responsible for myself. So instead of parents I … well, I guess I’ll have to have friends.”

“Would you be mad if I said we wanted to go with Mr. Chuck and Miss Delia?”

Getting exasperated with that particular theme I tried not to show it. “I don’t know whyt people keep asking me that. All I’ve ever cared about is what was best for you and Mickey. I promised to get you to people who would care for you and care about you. I was willing … am willing … to do it if that is the way it turns out but never intended on being selfish about it. I just want you two monkeys to be happy and taken care of.”

“So you wouldn’t be mad … or hurt?”

“Over what? You finding what you need? I grew up learning there is a lot of stuff about God’s plans for people that I don’t understand. I don’t know why things have happened the way they have but I do know that Chuckri and Delia seem eager to take you two on … for your sakes, not for theirs. Seems kind of senseless to fight against it unless you don’t want it and if that is the case I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure that you and Mickey get your way.”

Another silence and then she flung herself at me in a hug. Unfortunately she started crying … I nearly did too as she’d hit my shoulder.

“What did you do? Can’t you see those kids are grieving and confused?” a voice snarled.

I guess we’d been talking so quiet that Delia hadn’t heard what we’d been saying. I untangled Trish who was still crying and sat her up. “You sure?”

She nodded and I beckoned Delia over who was staring at me like I had three heads. I recognized the look and admit that it hurt a little to be reminded of it. I stood up and turned to face an enraged Chuckri. He opened his mouth and I said, “Don’t you dare start something. Let’s go over there.” When we had walked away from the kids he started again and I told him, “Shut up before you say something that is going to make you look like a bigger donkey’s behind than you are already acting.”

He pulled back a fist and I told him, “You don’t want to do that because in the mood I’m in right now I will hurt you like no one knows I can hurt someone. The only reason I’m standing right here and trying to be civil is for that little girl’s sake. I lost my own parents not that long ago because of this stupid war or whatever it is. I know how she’s feeling. All I wanted to know, to make sure of, was that she wanted to be with you and Delia, to give her some control and power when she was feeling like she didn’t have any. I don’t know what your problem is but deal with it. I never had any objection to you and Delia and don’t know what put that into you head in the first place. I don’t give a rat’s hindquarters whether you believe me or not. And despite the fact that you act like someone has dropped you on your head recently I still don’t object to it. Keep the tent for the kids …”

He opened his mouth again and I told him, “Just shut up. Whatever you’ve got to say I don’t want to hear it. Keep the tent. And the pony cart and the stuff in it, it was theirs anyway. I’m grabbing my gear and going. You decide what you want to tell them, you will anyway.”

I carefully walked back to the little camp and grabbed my gear which started Trish up again. “What’s with the waterworks Shorty? I’ve got to get ready for work.”

“You sure that’s all? I thought you and Mr. Chuck were going to fight.”

“Nope. I wouldn’t do that to you and Mickey. Some things are too important. Remember, we made promises to one another.” Her eyes widened and she nodded, remembering that she had promised not to tell anyone that I was female.

I tapped her head finally getting a smile, looked at Mickey still sleeping peacefully and then tried to pick up my gear. A hand went to grab it from me. I snatched it back. Chuckri said stiffly, “I was just trying to help.”

Quietly I told him, “You’ve helped about all I can stand for a good long while.” I turned and left without looking his way again.

If I hadn’t been so tall the pack would have dragged the ground. As it was it took most of what I had left to keep my own rear bumper from dragging. I was more than tired, I was heartsick and depressed. I was wondering why it is that people always have to make me feel like I’m less than they are, like I’m to blame for some heartache that they’ve suffered. As sure as I was standing there I knew that if it got out that I was GWB someone would blame me because some idiots got it into their heads to try and destroy the world. And if they found out I was female they’d blame some other crud on me.

I was beginning to yearn again for the lonely of the open plains; being lonely in a crowd felt so much worse. I stopped, looking around for a likely place to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.

“You OK?” I jumped and then saw Evans in the shadows.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Kid, don’t that chip ever get heavy?”

“I’ve been carrying it too long. It’s just a lump on my shoulder these days.”

The older man chuckled sounding just about as tired as I was. “You something else Kid. Come on over here. Thor and I have a quiet corner staked out. And get that sour look off your face, at least over here you’ll be left alone.”

Rather than give a verbal answer I walked over and dropped my gear down and started to unroll my bedroll. “Good call Kid.” He stretched out a boot and toed my gear out of his line of sight. “You know, you let people get to you too much.”

I sighed. “I’m going to get a lecture or a bunch of questions from you too?”

“Nope. But I’ll explain some things. Chuckri’s ex, she couldn’t stand him gone all the time. Chuckri wasn’t gone because he wanted to be, he had obligations and contracting was the only way to pay them. It wasn’t the money his ex was complaining about, she just wanted someone around to admire what she bought with it. Well, she found someone all right. Tried to have her cake and eat it too. Then when Chuckri found out he tried to fix things because of his kids but it was too late. Then she did everything she could to keep him away from the kids. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.”

I was too tired. “Fine. Chuckri’s past gives him reason to feel the way he does. But it doesn’t give him an excuse to be a donkey’s backside. And unless his wife looks like a buzz cut football player there shouldn’t have been any mistake that I was her.”

“So did you let him take the kids?”

“For the last flaming time, he didn’t take the kids whether I let him or not. Trish and Mickey chose who they wanted to go with. I’m cool with that, why can’t other people just be happy for the kids without turning it into some super drama and competition?”

“You gonna be OK with that?” I heard Evans ask as I was trying to crawl down without jarring my shoulder anymore than necessary.

“Does it matter whether I am or not? It’s what’s best for the kids.”

A deep rumble from out of the dark said, “Kid, get some sleep.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do. When am I on guard duty?”

“Go to sleep Kid.”

“Thor …”

“Go to sleep. And if you run off in the morning I’ll …”

“Don’t make threats Thor. I’m done with them. I’m me and if people can’t handle that then so be it. I’m going to be living life my own way from here on out. I’m not sure if that includes you and your little glee club or not. I’m tired of being the outsider made to feel like I’m not quite good enough and worrying what people think of me. Seems that no matter what I do nothing makes a difference. So kiss my left big toe. I’ll fulfill my promise to those kids and make sure Chuckri didn’t bite off more than he could chew. If you or anyone else don’t like it that’s just too bad. After that, my life is my own. You can either accept that or not.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 19

I’d given into Evans but the truth was I really would have preferred to have found that hole. I was stressing badly. I was once again tired beyond measure. My shoulder felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to it. The thing with the kids was a load off my mind but an added load to my sorrow … I knew in the end they’d never pick me but still, sometimes in the back of your head you want someone to pick you first just once. Almost getting caught had really flipped the panic switch. And the lying … I was getting tired of it. I didn’t feel like I had the luxury of telling the truth but at the same time I was getting so tired of the pretense. I felt like I could never quite get clean. And if I did tell any of the men the truth, would that always interfere in a friendship or destroy any chance of friendship. I felt boxed in no matter what I wind up choosing.

And the time was coming that I would have to make some decisions. I would do what I said and get the kids to Chuckri’s place but after that I was beginning to doubt if I could carry on this farce in the company of so many. I started to realize that “being a male” might offer me some freedom and protection but it also kept me from some of the things that made me who I am. I’d never been a girly girl but I’d never wanted to change my gender to male either. There may have been some that questioned what my true gender was – that whole hermaphrodite thing I was teased unmercifully about for a while – but I was never in any doubt, not even when some people tried to tell me I should be confused about it. There were a lot of things I hadn’t counted on when I’d made my original choice to masquerade. I even missed my hair which was about the dumbest thing of the entire situation.

I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to keep up the disguise. I only wanted to get home, I hadn’t planned on making friends along the way. It made me feel bad to lie to them. I was collecting intimate secrets that made these people I was with who they are but I was unable to share my own. And if I did I wondered if they’d turn on me as so many others had.

I also hadn’t planned on growing up. I had only a vague idea of how young I was when I started this odyssey; you never really realize how young you are until you are passed the point of no return and look back. Maybe I was mature for my age as people before had told me, but what I’d lived through since that night in San Francisco was bringing about a whole ‘nother level of maturity. I felt older; mentally, physically, spiritually. I even looked older when I bothered to look in the mirror and try to remember who I used to be.

Part of my problem was that I was also realizing that it wasn’t just that I was tired of being a male and wanted to go back to being a girl. Frankly I didn’t want to go back to being a girl. What I wanted was to move forward and be a woman. And be acknowledged for being a woman. And I wanted that acknowledgement from someone in particular if for no other reason than to see him swallow his teeth; which quite honestly was stupid beyond words. First off he had a good ten years on me. Second I’d seen enough women giving him the eye to know I didn’t stand a chance. More than either of those I knew the last thing I needed was to start experimenting with the kind of problems that kind of longing could bring me. Thor was out of reach no matter how I looked at it.

I also wanted to be honest with Evans; he was turning into as much a mentor as a friend and I figured I owed him the truth even if it wound up disgusting him. He wasn’t replacing my father by any stretch but I appreciated the time and effort he put into teaching me things that I didn’t know. For all his cantankerous gruffness he was a lot easier to be around than the other men because he was solidly real … and made it plain that so long as I didn’t act like a complete fool I could count on him. I came real close to telling him that morning but right away I could see something was wrong. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but his coloring wasn’t good and he seemed to be having trouble with his balance.

I’m not a tattle tail by nature, and goodness knows that I’m hard headed and would try and work even if my leg was falling off, but something about Evans upset me. It upset me enough that I did the last thing I wanted to do that morning. I tracked Thor down and lucked out by finding him in the office warehouse by himself trying to figure everyone’s take home pay.

“Decided I’m worth talking to or did you just want your pay so you could skedaddle?” he asked sarcastically.

“Knock it off Thor. Have you seen Evans this morning?”

“Is he missing? Where’s the last place you saw him?” he asked like the man was a lost sock.

“No. I mean have you seen him this morning. Something’s … off.”

He finally took notice of how serious I was and put the clipboard down. “Off how?”

“I’m not sure I can explain it exactly. Just … weak … and his balance don’t look so good.”

He said carefully, “Kid, you know that Evans is a hard drinker when he falls off the wagon.”

“Yeah, he told me but I haven’t seen him doing it all the time I’ve been with you guys. And he wasn’t drunk last night. It’s like he woke up this way. This isn’t hungover and still slightly drunk, this is … I don’t know what. Team me with him today so I can keep an eye on him.”

That got me a surprised look. “Didn’t you just off load those two kids? You looking for somebody else to babysit?”

“Thor … don’t. I wouldn’t mess with Evans’ pride like that ‘cause I don’t like it when you guys do it to me. This is … different. I can’t explain it but it is.”

I could tell he was thinking it over. He crossed his arms across his barrel chest – and why I needed to start noticing that was beyond me, bad enough I’d started dreaming of running my fingers through the thick hair and wondering if his moustache tickled. “You sure you aren’t creating a situation to get out of working with … the other men?”

Trying to be as serious as he was since he was finally listening to me I said, “You mean with Chuckri. I told you yesterday that I didn’t have a problem with Chuckri and Evans explained stuff so that his attitude makes a little more sense. It doesn’t excuse how he acted and I plan on avoiding him as necessary so the kids don’t get upset but I’m not afraid to be around him if it is all about work and nothing else. How’d he behave is something different though, I personally think he is being an idiot to try and instigate something with me. Y’all have only seen me get hurt pretty much, you’ve never really seen me put my whole effort into a fight. On the playing field wasn’t the only place people used to rag on me about … about being a GWB. And it wasn’t just kids either.”

I wasn’t bragging. A couple of adults had tried to make a point that I was a freak of nature and they found out the hard way that Dad had taught his girl how to handle cretins like that. I had considered going into boxing when I’d been denied football and had never really put the idea away though I suppose by that time that was gone on the wind just about like every other goal I’d ever thought I’d had. I had even trained a bit but had to be careful that the school didn’t get in trouble for me using their equipment. When it came to a serious one-on-one fight Chuckri may have had an inch or two on me but our reaches were about the same; he may have been wiry but I was built for strength and trained for speed and endurance. I’d outlast him unless he could take me down right away and he’d need more leverage than he had to pull that one off. I’d seen no sign that he was proficient in anything but basic brawling. It would take a pile on to take me down and I’d hurt as many as I could on the way there.

I put those thoughts away and focused on persuading Thor. “Look, just team me with Evans. If I’m wrong I’m wrong and I won’t say anything else. Tell him you want him to keep an eye on me. Everyone will believe that one and even Evans will think he is doing me a favor and have no idea about the other.” I thought about it for a few seconds and then added, “Please.”

That surprised him more than anything else had. “You’re really worried about him.”

“I don’t want to call it worry … yet. I want to be wrong. But … I can’t explain it, something feels off. And Evans wouldn’t let me see a weakness if he could possibly cover it up or bluff his way through it so either he isn’t aware of how bad it is or it is so bad he can’t cover it up.”

He sighed, “Then I guess it is a good thing you two are already teamed for the week. I wouldn’t want to have to come up with some reason to change the roster at this point. It would create too many questions and take too much time.”

Trying not to be irritated that he could have just told me that in the first place I said, “Thanks.”

As I turned to leave he called, “Rocky.”

“Yeah?”

“So that really is your name.”

I wanted to roll my eyes but didn’t know if it was a particularly manly move. Instead I said, “I told you it was.”

“Yeah. Yeah you did. Just seems kind of strange.”

I tried to walk away again and he asked, “Just how famous are you? Gotta remember, we’ve been out of the country more than in the last few years.”

“Huh?” When I realized he was talking about the thing with Dr. Gargoyle I groaned. “Don’t start. Some people just make a bigger deal of it than it deserves. It was our team that finally made it to state champs, it wasn’t just me. People just recognized me because of the fact I was a … er … GWB. They never let me live it down and it got some play in the rags that report on highschool sports. Having a team mascot that was an AV geek didn’t help either; every blasted play he put someone’s backside up on YouTube. Mostly I got attention because a lot of people thought that was the only reason that I was being allowed to play; I was supposed to be getting special attention because I was different not because I could actually play. When I proved them wrong, that I was just as capable as the others on the team were, most of those mouthy people weren’t too happy. So no biggie … please don’t … don’t bring it up around the men. Highschool already seems a lifetime ago and isn’t worth bragging about for the rest of my life … and I want to leave that stuff behind. It doesn’t buy me a doggone thing in this life but more trouble. I don’t want to have to explain things … especially the GWB part.”

“Another lie?”

I sighed, “Whatever dude. Tell ‘em if you think that’s what you should do. I’m getting to the point I don’t care anymore.” I was disappointed that Thor was turning out to be just like all the others and more disappointed in myself that I had expected anything else. “All I wanted was to make sure I could help Evans today if he needs it. Now that’s covered I’ll leave you alone.”

He called me back one more time but all I did was turn. “Kid?”

“What?” I asked my protective force field firmly in place.

“You can trust me.”

I was sore, tired, and worried and that left me with no patience for his digging. “I do trust you … or was trusting you as I don’t know exactly how I’m starting to feel anymore. If I hadn’t trusted you I wouldn’t be here, sure as heck wouldn’t have brought those two kids into it. I already told you that only you seem to suffer from convenient memory lapses. And what’s more I didn’t need to know your whole freaking life’s story to give you my trust; a thing I might add I’ve never given very easily and even you should be able to understand why.”

He tried to open his mouth around something but I wasn’t through. “You know it’s a doggone shame that I can accept you guys for who you claim to be but I can’t seem to get the same respect in return. I’ve spent my whole life being thought of and treated like some kind of freak that’s going to go postal at any moment and I’m getting tired of it. You’re turning out to be just like everyone else. You can’t just accept me at what I offer to share.” I was close to saying things I would regret so I turned to walk away while saying, “Whatever. Just tell ‘em. Maybe it would be better anyway that way I wouldn’t have to guess just how fast they’ll turn their backs on me. Chuckri isn’t the first to act like I’m not worth the trouble to have around only the most obvious … besides you I mean. I don’t know why I bother. It’ll all will wind up the same, just like always.”

With that I left. I knew then that the choice of whether to stay with the group or go would soon be a moot point. I was letting myself get too emotionally involved and when you do that you get hurt and when you get hurt it becomes too easy to make mistakes and let things slip that shouldn’t.

I headed back to find Evans and let him know we were teamed for the whole week. “Well don’t I just feel special. I get to babysit the Kid,” he said crankily.

“And I get to put up with your abuse all week so were even,” I reminded him. “At least you didn’t have to deal with Madame Gargoyle poking and prying yesterday so cut me some slack.”

I got a snort as an answer for my sass and we went off to start our patrolling. I kept an eye on Evans which was easy to do because he insisted on trying to impart his vast stores of experience and what he considered wisdom in a single day. In other words he expected me to be paying attention to him, just didn’t know the real reason I was doing so. I must have heard I don’t know how many tall tales … a few of them bawdy enough that I laughed guiltily at the pictures he was drawing with his words knowing my parents would have thrown a fit … but also managed to glean a few things about life that I’d never thought about. His stories also gave me an appreciation for how tough he must have really had it when he was my age and made me miss my own parents even more. He’d packed a lot of living into his forty years. There was no way to sum up Evans in only a few words though he tried to give the impression that a few words was all he was worth summing up with. His cranky and odiferous exterior covered a heart … well, it wasn’t gold exactly but it was far from being cheap pyrite.

He continued to do that same odd occasional stumble but otherwise seemed fine until later in the day when it was obvious that he was tired … more tired than I would have expected him to be after the way I’d seen him behave beforehand.

Neither one of us was in the mood for the crowd of strangers standing in line for soup and bread. I asked him if he minded eating on our own.

“You cook?”

“Sure. Dad said if I was going to hunt I had to learn to eat what I shot; that was cleaning to cooking it myself. We didn’t hunt for sport but to put food on the table. Mom didn’t get her feelings hurt when we’d take over the kitchen every so often either. It gave her a night off.”

I decided to dazzle him with what little bit of talent I had. I made sweet potato fry bread by adding a jar of baby food to my normal fry bread dough. I’d found the jar in my travels and had thought to trade it for grown up food but like mom always said, “You work with what you’ve got Sugar.” Of course she said that when we were hunting for a dress that would actually cover all of my vital parts without making me look like a sack of sand but hey, it’s the sentiment that counts.

For our main course I made Black Eyed Peas and rice by using a can of black eyed peas, a can of diced tomatoes (used some of the juice off of that to cook some rice in), and a good portion of dried chopped onion. I could have wished for some meat but we’d had blackbird pie for lunch from a vendor that we’d heard good things about and only had to trade a couple of shotgun shells for two large slices. The pie had been good, and so was the dinner that I fixed us. At least Evans seemed to act like it was.

I’d made more than I should have thinking that Evans would eat more. When Thor came clumping in looking glum as I peace offering I handed him what was left in the bottom of the pot.

“Too good to eat with everyone else?”

Evans who’d been dozing cracked an eye open and asked him, “What’s got your gizzard in a knot? The Kid did good, the least you could do is say nothing if you can’t admit it.”

Thor’s mouth tightened and his nostrils flared and then his shoulders just sort of slumped. “Don’t mind me. The sooner we get out of this place the better. Every day we hold over they take a percentage of the profit. But at the same time they won’t clear the delivery for payment. Worse jumble up I’ve ever seen and I’m not too sure there aren’t some kick backs getting paid for the delay.

I had taken my cooking gear to clean it up and when I got back a good sized snore told me that Evans was asleep. “Kid, do me a favor and come help me with some gear.”

I was tired but I figured Thor was the boss however it wasn’t really gear he wanted to talk about.

“You need to be careful.”

“What I’d do now?” It wasn’t exactly a whine but I knew it was close enough that I was embarrassed.

“Nothing. Look … aw @#$%.” He distracted me by running his large hand through his already bushy mane. “I’m going to try and get us out of here tomorrow at some point. I threatened to take the wheat and sell it someplace else even if I had to do it a bucket at a time along the road.”

I shook my head. “What’s the rush? Are they taking that big of a chunk out?”

“Yeah but that isn’t the main problem. That Parnell guy that we had a run in with, well he ain’t really that bad just works for a man that is a real hard case. Seems the guy also has political leanings. You wanna guess what those leanings are?”

“Not particularly but let me guess, he’s some kind of socialist or communist?”

“That would have been my first guess too but no. Apparently,” he stopped and looked around and then nudged me further into the shadows. “Apparently the guy had a couple of kids that were associated with the Greenies. He’s acting like his kids are heroes, like the whole movement will save this country. I heard him talk about “population correction” and a few other of their political correct words for their brand of death and destruction.”

I swallowed and tried not to panic. I’d dealt with those people before but not since San Francisco. “They’re … they’re Greenies … real ones … not just the ones that play at it.”

“Play at it?”

“You know, wannabees. They wanna be all that and then some but when it comes right down to actually doing something they’re nothing but a bunch of gas bags.”

He shook his head at my explanation. “Kid …” He stopped and shook his head again. “You gotta stop making me feel so old. As for what kind of people they are I don’t know for sure but I’m telling you it doesn’t make any sense to take chances. So long as you are riding with us you I’m responsible at least in part for your safety. Don’t make my job harder. Keep your head down and don’t start anything.”

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“Revenge Kid … for your parents.”

Well, I hadn’t thought of that. “Look, my parents weren’t … they wouldn’t want me to go around killing people. It won’t bring them back. I’m not saying that if a grade A golden opportunity presents itself that let’s me hurt the organization badly that I might not do more than be tempted but I’m not going to look somebody up I don’t even know to beat the snot out of them. That’d just be sinking to their level. But if they get in my face or find out who I am and trying to hurt me I’m not going to just run away either.”

“Kid …” he growled warningly.

“Thor don’t ask me to do something you wouldn’t be willing to do. Don’t ask me to be someone that you wouldn’t be willing to be. I’m no bully but I’m no coward either. If a fight happens it won’t be because I started it. And I’ll do my best to take it someplace that it doesn’t reflect on you or anyone else. This is my problem, not yours. But I appreciate the heads up.”

I turned to go when he grabbed me by my upper arm. I reacted badly. When you are trying to hide who you, what you are, touch is one of those things that activates your defenses. I jerked away and backed up only I backed into the side view mirror of a broken down truck and it hit in the worst place possible. I bent double trying to keep the scream from escaping. Where the bullet had burnt me had slowly gone down to a dull throb as the day had worn on but when I banged it it felt like a red hot poker all over again.

“Kid?”

“I’m … I’m fine. Just fine. Hit it wrong but I’m fine. Going … going to go get some sleep. Think about what you said.”

“You really do suck as a liar. Stand still.”

There is no way I was going to let him touch me again. Dreams were bad enough, I didn’t need memories to fuel them. Not to mention I didn’t want him close enough that there might be questions I wasn’t ready to answer.

“Kid … stop … now. I’ve let you … look, do you think I’m a complete idiot?”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 20a

“Aw stop,” Thor muttered. “You look like freaking Bambi with those eyes. How you can be so flaming tough and so … so … soft blast you … at the same time …” As I started to back up he said more loudly that perhaps he intended, “@#$% I said stop!”

Those words followed by one of his trademark growls had me backing away even harder. I was completely taken over by my fight-or-flight response and since I wasn’t dumb enough to think I could take on Thor, especially not with the pain I was already distracting me, I was ready to make tracks. Had no idea where I was going, no plan, so it was mostly panic that had me swinging around to run.

I got about three steps before I was hit from the side sending me down and back onto my already abused shoulder. I was seeing nasty little spots but I’d done that before playing with a cracked collar bone one year during play offs. I was fighting back and then a real fist caught me in my unprotected ribs and knocked the wind out of me but still I wasn’t going to give up. Then there was too many hands for it to be just one person and I vaguely hear Thor roar … I mean really roar and not in the cowardly lion kind of way either.

I managed to finally get my feet back in under me and though I was down the full use of one arm I started giving back as good as I got.

“I … said … stop!!” and suddenly the two people that I’d been wrestling with were just gone, sent flying to land in a none too gentle way a couple of yards away.

I was swaying on my feet but I wasn’t going back down. Or at least that is what I was telling myself. Unfortunately my knees weren’t listening. One of them started to buckle and then Thor got under my arm and propped me up with an arm around my waist.

“Did I ask either of you morons to get involved?” The steel of Thor’s voice was like those ginsu knives on late night TV. It sliced and diced everything that got in its path.

“But … but he was running off … you were yelling at him to stop …” I recognized the voice and it hurt worse than the punches had.

“Chuckri I swear to … Take your personal problems someplace else and deal with them. You’re acting like a complete @#$. The state you are in you are useless to this team and to me. The Kid banged h … his shoulder and didn’t want me to look at it. Probably thought I was going to make …”

I tried to pull away but Thor was having none of it. I told him, “I … can … take care … of … myself. I don’t … don’t need …” I was gagging on the taste of my own blood were I’d gotten a split lip. I spit and was happy to see it wasn’t bright red like the time I’d bitten my tongue during practice when I forgot to put my mouth guard in between plays.

“Shut up Kid. I can see you’re tough. What do you want? A medal? Even injured you still managed to put Montgomery down and he ain’t caught his breath yet.” Then he turned to snarl at Chuckri. “Get gone. Go cool off. Don’t care where, just get out of my face. The day I can’t handle someone like the Kid is the day I retire. And next time I catch you spying on me is the last time you do it … you got that?” The last was said in a deadly calm voice that only an idiot would have misunderstood.

The two men left brushing themselves off realizing that maybe they’d put their foot into something that hadn’t been what they thought it was. Chuckri looked like he wanted to say something and then anger replaced whatever it was and he stomped away pushing Montgomery before him.

“Come on,” Thor ordered.

“I’m not …”

He stopped and then turned ice cold eyes on me. “Kid. Rocky. Whatever the heck you want to call yourself. I … have … had … enough. Right now I am in the mood for a fight. The knock down drag out kind. And since I can’t have it with you I will at least have the satisfaction of getting some answers. So shut up until we get to the office. You will do what I say when I say it or … or … or I’m not going to be answerable for the consequences. Now move.”

It was more like being dragged for a few feet but by the time we got to the warehouse that Thor had been using to store the grain temporarily until the group had been hired took possession I was walking under my own steam. I was hurting but not as bad as he probably thought I was. I debated for half a second whether I should play that up and then decided I’d had enough of lying. If it was all going to come to an end at least I was going to be able to hold up my head with some pride.

He nodded to the guards … Alfonso and someone I didn’t recognize … and then unlocked the door and pushed me ahead of him. I could tell by their smirks that they thought I was about to get called on the carpet in a big way and maybe even given my pay and told to get out. I thought maybe I was and that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“Sit. In that chair. Now,” he said in a voice that sounded like a couple of sandy bricks being rubbed against each other. I didn’t sit as fast as he wanted me to and looked at me in barely there light from the torches outside an added, “Don’t try my patience.”

I sat, but not in the chair he’d indicated. I chose the other chair that put me closer to the door. Thor picked up a wind up lantern, turned to see where I’d chosen to sit then carefully sat the lantern on the desk. Before I realized what he’d meant to do he picked up me and the chair – no small feat – and deposited us both in a place close to where he’d meant for me to sit to begin with.

He then picked up the lamp and took a good look at me. After a moment he set the lamp down and walked away a couple of steps like he needed a little space himself.

“Why? Why do this? Why?!” he said turning to look at me.

I was thinking of everything and nothing at the same time and then gave up. “You want the short answer or the long one?”

Almost like he hadn’t heard me he said. “I could kill them, feel like it even now. Two men I’ve known over a decade, walked through the best and worst of times with. Do you see what kind of mess you’ve created? If I tell them you are a girl they’ll …”

“Do you think I want you to tell them?” I asked him. “Because I don’t. I haven’t put all this work into this ridiculous charade to have someone play hero and rescue me like I’m some helpless kitten, only because of my gender. I’ve never been helpless since I could walk and swing whatever was handy. What gave me away anyway?” I don’t know if I asked him to distract him from his anger or if I was really curious, probably both.

“Is that all you care about? How this affects you?”

I slumped realizing that nothing I could say was going to fix this. I closed my eyes for a second and then said, “Just tell them you’d had enough. That I’d caused problems once too often. Give me time to say good bye to Evans. I’ll be a day or so ahead of you all because I promised Trish and Mickey that I’d make sure they got settled. You won’t see me I just want to keep my promise and …”

“You hearing a @#$% thing I’ve said?” he snapped.

“Yeah, I’ve heard you. And I’m taking you at your words. Nothing I can say is going to change reality. Nothing I can say is going to get you to understand. I doubt you can no matter how many words I use. I can tell you I never meant any harm. I doubt you’ll believe me. I can tell you that everything I’ve told you is the truth except for my gender. Again, I doubt you’ll believe me. I can say I’ve been so tired of it all myself that I had thought about telling Evans this morning until I thought he was sick but I doubt you’ll believe that either. Nothing I can say will get you to believe me. I never … never meant to get this close to anybody. Never wanted to. Never wanted to feel bad for what I was doing. Never thought what I was doing would turn into what it has. I just wanted to go home. That’s all.”

The room shrank to the sound of two people breathing. I decided that since there was no chance for me to fix this I could at least leave with some dignity and stood up but when I did it felt like something ripped on the back of my shoulder. There was no stopping the gasp that came out of my mouth.

“That’s what you get for moving when I told you to sit,” he mumbled at me. He turned, opened a filing cabinet drawer and pulled out this bag that turned out to be an oversized first aid kit. “You probably knocked the scab loose. I need to clean it and put a new bandage on it.”

“Stitches.”

“I don’t think it needs stitches Kid.”

“That’s what I told the gargoyle but she disagreed.”

He got a fairly irritated look on his face and growled, “You got stitches and you didn’t tell me? I put you on guard duty!”

“So? I wanted to be paired with Evans anyway. Look, when I leave I’m serious about someone needing to …”

He sighed, “Dang you are hard headed. You are not leaving. But … look, you are going to have to cooperate here. The bandage is going to need to be changed either way and I don’t want to have to tie you down to do it. You wouldn’t appreciate it and I wouldn’t enjoy it probably as much as you think I would.”

I kept looking at him wondering what language he was speaking.

He finally shook his head. “The shirt Kid. It’s … it’s going to have to go.”

I did jump up then. “Not likely,” I told him as I made a sudden dash for the door.

“He stepped in front of the office door before I got there. “I’m not … look I’ve never needed to fight to get what I wanted from a female. I’m not likely to start now. Turn away from me … and … and we’ll both try and keep our composure.”

“No … way.”

Finally starting to lose patience again he said, “Kid, it’s either this or a trip to Nona’s clinic and I don’t think either one of us is in the mood for that.”

I felt like dying of embarrassment. If I had thought him finding out I was female was bad this was like death warmed over.

He said quietly, “Come on Kid … Rocky … What is your name anyway? Your real name.”

“Rochelle. But not even Mom called me that very often. I’ve always just been Rocky. They started calling me that before I left the hospital when I was born. Nobody expected me to live. I came out not breathing right. I think one of the doctors started it and it … it just sort of stuck. So it is my real name in a way, it’s what everyone has always called me,” I answered him just as quietly.

“Rochelle.” The way he said my name made me feel things that I had no business feeling at that time or any other.

“Don’t.”

“Why? Don’t you like your name?”

“My name never bothered me so long as people weren’t saying it to tease me. It’s just … I’ve worked very hard to forget about being Rochelle, even about being a girl named Rocky. I’m supposed to be a young man on his way home. That’s all. It’s hard enough to do this, keep who I am straight, without blurring the lines.”

He sighed, “OK. I can understand the sentiment if not the reasons behind it. But I still need to take care of that wound. One way or the other it needs to be tended to. It’s bleeding. Your lip is split. You look like …” He stopped because he’d started getting angry again which had me wondering if I could beat him to the door a second time.

“It’s dark. I’m not going to see anything. You can tell me your story, distract us both.”

“If you aren’t going to be able to see anything why should I let you …”

“Rocky, I’m not going to take advantage of you. If I was that kind of man I could have done it before now but I haven’t. I haven’t even told anyone what my suspicions are … were.” When I still hadn’t moved he said, “You said you trusted me.”

“Trusting you not to get me killed is some different from what you are asking me to trust you about now.”

He sighed, “You can you know. Trust me. You’re just a kid. I wouldn’t do that to a kid.”

“Do you take me for a fool? You aren’t old, that old, or anything approaching either. You act like thirty years old makes you Noah’s grandpa. There was ten years between both sets of my grandparents. My parents had five. To my great grandfather who was twenty five years older than his third wife you wouldn’t be anything but a wet behind the ears pup. So leave off with that kind of stuff, I’m not stupid enough to believe it. My aunt told me men will say most anything if it nets them what they want.”

A short bark of laughter was followed by, “Aunt didn’t care for men too much I take it.”

“She had reason. A few too many made up to her for the wrong reasons … my grandfather had a pretty good piece of land that a lot of men wanted … but she was like me. You know … kinda big … at least until they found out what the problem was and took care of it. In the end either they outed themselves for being greedy for the land or they got caught cheating with some skinny and dainty little thang.”

“Well I don’t like skinny little thangs. They have a bad habit of breaking every time I play with them.”

That startled me so much I made the mistake of turning my head to try and look at where he’d stepped behind me and the hot poker raced across my shoulder again.

“C’mon Kid. Here … I’ll set my pistol here. I’d give it to you to hold but this is going to hurt and I don’t want to get shot for something I can’t help.” He cajoled once more, “C’mon, the longer you leave this the worse it is going to get. And your shirt is starting to dry and stick to it.”

I knew I needed help. I briefly thought of Trish but knew I couldn’t put her in the middle of this, she was just ten years old. Then I thought of Evans yet knew I didn’t want to hurt Thor any more than I wanted anyone else to know who and what I was. “I swear, you try anything and it won’t be that gun you need to worry about. I’ll staple your tenderbits to the nearest tree. You got that?”

A snort was followed by, “Yeah. Loud and clear.”

“Turn your head.”

“I can’t …”

“Turn … your … head.”

I heard him mumble some rather uncomplimentary words about the level of my intelligence but I didn’t care. I needed his help but I was going to keep some healthy boundaries. I wound up having to pull the shirt off myself where it had dried and brought myself close to tears doing it. I collapsed back into the chair but held the shirt to my front to preserve what modesty I could. “You can turn around.”

He was right, it hurt. Nearly as bad as when the gargoyle had dug at it the first time and the skin around it was even sorer than it had been then. I was breathing heavy through my nose trying to fight the urge to rock.

“Hey Kid,” he said as he cleaned my shoulder. “You ready to tell me the truth?”

“I told you, it’s all been the truth, except I’m a female.”

“Prove it.”

I was trying to concentrate. “What?”

“Prove it. Explain it to me. Why the get up? Why not just be honest in the first place?”

I barked a bit of my own laughter. “You’ve obviously never been a girl.”

“Obviously not,” he agreed.

“Like I told Jonathon when we first tried to escape what was going on. I’m big. I’m tough. I can be mean when necessary. I’m even trained. But if enough people pile on I’m going down. And if I go down there are enough people in this world that will enjoy putting me in my place … male type people …” I shuddered remembering my fear that day on the highway when he almost stopped. “I’m not stupid Thor. I know there are men out there that … that wouldn’t care that I was big and ugly … all they would care about was getting what they wanted. And some of them would do it just to make themselves feel more powerful than me because I threatened their manliness in some way.”

I could hear the thoughtfulness in his voice. “Your aunt isn’t the only one with a bad attitude about men.”

Not wanting him to think I was a man hater I told him, “My aunt isn’t the only one that has had to put up with certain kinds of cretins in this world. But unlike my aunt was I can say not all of you are the front part of a backwards walking donkey. I had lots of guy friends … just never any boyfriends … for the obvious reasons.”

“Obvious reasons?”

“Thor …”

“I’m asking, you’re explaining, remember?”

“Well, let’s see … oh yeah. I’m as dainty as a princess and a real lightweight. And who can forget my scientifically verifiable background. Every young man’s parents were just dying for him to bring someone home with my pedigree. Oh, I’m strong as an ox with a great talent for opening stuck doors and drawers and jars, bigger than most guys in my class, and was used to scare little kids that if they weren’t good the same thing was going to happen to them that had made me like I am. Want me to keep going? I haven’t even gotten to the fact that there was more than one group that believed the GWBs were an abomination that never should have been born and were threatening to rectify the situation.”

“Geez.”

“Beginning to see the light?”

He shook his head, “No, just feeling like there were more idiots in the world than even I suspected.”

That shut me up but Thor wasn’t through. “Keep talking Kid. You’ve torn three stitches and it won’t stop bleeding unless I put them back in.”

My stomach rolled at the idea but I could feel the drips that kept running down my back, leaving a sticky residue even after he wiped it away. “We escaped, just like I told you. Then first Jonathon and then Nana … they just died. And I was alone. I had to decide what to do.”

“Jonathon was … your friend?”

“Best friend though …” I sighed and didn’t quite understand why I told him the next part. “For several months he’d wanted it to be something more but I just … I didn’t know if I was ready for what he wanted but I didn’t want to lose my best friend over it. That point is moot. He’s gone,” I said in a voice that was as dead as Jonathon was.

It wasn’t the poke of the needle that nauseated me so much as feeling of the string or whatever it was he was using being pulled through my skin. I started talking again just to have something else to focus on. “I’d seen your group earlier. I thought it would be easier for a young man to find a place than it would be for a helpless female. You in particular worried me.”

“I did huh?”

“At first. But when I figured out that just because you could bite someone’s head off didn’t mean you necessarily would without good reason. I decided to just do what I could to stay out of your way. Then they stuck me with you and the other men. And … I started having fun.”

A strangled and surprised laugh and then he said, “You what?”

He was finally finished with the tugging and pulling and I could stop trying to hide my heaving. “Started having fun. It was … well it was like being on the team again. I’d had to leave the team because they used some bogus excuse about insurance to keep me off my last year in school. It wasn’t worth fighting about when I saw most of the other guys seemed too worried about their own futures to care about mine any at all. But being with you guys, even if we were just throwing those cars around, it was like having that back. We were a team … or so I thought.”

He moved the lantern and was looking a little more closely than I cared for. “That’s enough turn your back again,” I told him.

“You’ll pull those stitches again.”

“Well I’m not going topless for everyone to see.”

“No one is going to see. You’ve got yourself wrapped up so tight I can’t believe you can even breathe which answers one of my questions anyway. I’m not going to see anything. Just let me help.”

I suddenly started distrusting him on a different level and he must have seen it in my eyes. “I told you you can trust me.”

“I gave you my trust but that was never good enough to get yours in return. I’ll take care of … arrr.” I’d tried to put the shirt on that arm myself and it hadn’t felt too good.

“See?”

“I swear it Thor if …”

“I make the wrong move I get stapled to a tree. Got it. Now hold still.”

The shirt was on and I was embarrassed that he had to button a couple of the more important buttons.

“Fine, you looked at …”

“Sit.” When I didn’t he looked me straight in the eye and said again, “Sit. I’m not done getting my answers.”

“What else is it you want? You know everything from that point forward. I made the mistake of thinking I had become a contributing member to the team, that I was accepted. When I found out I was wrong I left. I was doing fine on my own until I ran into those kids.”

“During a tornado.”

“Yeah. Trish knows by the way. She’s smarter than all you grown men put together.”

I’d insulted him. “Hey, I knew from the beginning … mostly … sort of. I had my suspicions anyway.”

“How did you know? What gave me away? And why didn’t you out me then? Does everyone know?”

He was silent for nearly a minute. That first day. You were … er … soft where men normally weren’t. But then I thought it was just baby fat. Then things started adding up. No adams apple. Your hands. Your eyes. The way you’re your jeans … er … fit.”

Extremely embarrassed I muttered, “Oh.”

“But still I wasn’t sure. The way you threw those cars around and the way you talked kept me guessing. I was almost convinced and then that guy Joe messed it all up again. Calling you Rocky like it was your real name. Saying that you two had played football together. Treating you like you were a real guy. Then you ran off and I tried to forget it all but it wouldn’t stop bugging me. Evans grumbling and pestering the @#$% out of me didn’t help either. He acted like I’d stolen his favorite chew toy.”

“Joe didn’t like lying, he only did it because I asked him and because he thought it was a bit of a joke. He wanted me to stay with his family but I couldn’t. His mom … she was a nice lady but … in built prejudices you know? About me being a GWB. She hasn’t been the first and she won’t be the last. She tried for Joe’s sake but she was relieved when I told her I couldn’t stay.”

He was silent for a time then asked me, “You really played football and all those things that Joe said.”

“Yeah. But it was a lifetime ago. It doesn’t matter like I thought it would, not after everything that has happened. Every time I think I’ve found something that matters I find out that it isn’t what I thought it was. I’m over it all. I’m keeping my promise to Trish and Mickey then I’m going to go home … or try to.”

“What if you don’t have a home when you get there?”

“I’ve considered it. It’s possible, anything is possible. But our farm backed up to the national forest and even people that had been there before had a hard time finding it the second and third time around. It’s way off the beaten track. The town is less than a thousand people except when the TransAmerican Bike Trail has some event going on and during the summer when all the trails that converge in the area are busy.”

“And that’s off the Blue Ridge Parkway.”

“Sorta. It’s closer to the AT but that doesn’t matter. Our farm sits way off back in the middle of nowhere and has been in the family since way before the War Between the States. We’ve still got virgin forest on one corner.”

“You don’t say. Anything else?”

I looked at him and said, “Nothing you’re likely to find interesting.”

After a minute he asked, “Hoping anyone in particular is still there?”

“Don’t want anyone to be … be dead but after seeing what I’ve seen I don’t have high hopes that I’ll get my wish. My grandparents are all gone already. About the only one besides my parents that were left was my aunt and some of my cousins who are all a good deal older than me and who wouldn’t know how to run a farm if they tried. They all hated the place, called it old fashioned and backwards and none of them had been back to the farm since I was real little, not even to visit my grandmother while she was still alive. I think they hated her cabin most of all. My mom and dad ran the family co-op and kept everyone in fresh fruits and veggies, cheese and dairy too for those that wanted it but most of them were too scared because of all of the government warnings and idiot stuff like that. My dad grew some tobacco but mostly as a novelty and for trading with some of the other old timers that lived in the woods even deeper than we do.”

“Sounds like a good life.”

“It would have been a perfect life for my parents if I hadn’t been like I am. It meant they had to deal with the outside world a lot more than they wanted to.”

“So you really are a GWB?”

I looked at him like he’d been dropped on his head as a baby one too many times. “Your memory is just about as long as a frog’s whiskers.”

“Just trying to get my facts straight.”

“Well try harder. I don’t know why you should care to know in the first place. This doesn’t mean anything to you anyway.”

He looked at me and said, “I’m curious by nature.”

“Doesn’t sound like a healthy trait to have in your line of work.”

A slow grin made me butterflies where they had no business being. “What do you know about my line of work.”

“Evans explained it to me. You worked for one of those contractors that went all over the world doing things that other people didn’t necessarily want to. Sometimes you got paid well for it and sometimes you didn’t. Mostly you did it because somebody needed to.”

The smile was gone. “Evans talks too much.”

“No. Don’t blame him. I’m just good at putting two and two together … most of the time. He’s just lonely. You all treat him like … like the drunk he used to be. He’s not that person anymore but he understands that it was going to take time to prove he wasn’t. Only the world fell apart and it took all he had to not give into the temptation to fall apart with it. Talking to me makes it easier for him to not listen to the voices of the past in his head. I was hoping you all had seen that but the rest of you all seem to be wrapped up in your own problems and worries.”

“Evans talks too much and you see too much.”

I shrugged but remembered to do it with only one shoulder. “If you’re through with the grilling I think it is better if I get out of here.”

“I’m not through.”

I sighed and did roll my eyes that time. “What else? What else could you possibly want to know?”

“If you understand that this changes things.”

“No it doesn’t. I’m still the same person I was before.”

“But I was only suspicious before.”

“Just because you’ve had your … your suspicions or whatever … confirmed doesn’t mean anything. Your suspicions didn’t stop me from being able to do a job even if I wasn’t part of your team.”

“You’ve put me in a bad position.”

“And I offered to leave but you don’t want me doing that either. I won’t stay just to make you feel better.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 20b

He snorted in sour humor. “No, you’ve already proven that haven’t you.” He shook his head, probably fighting the desire to get into another battle of words with me. “How do you think the men are going to take it if they find out you’re female?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. And tell me why I should even care after they made sure I felt just how not a team member I was?”

“Stung did it?” he said like he was glad.

“Hey, I would have understood if you all hadn’t been so welcoming in the beginning. I kept wondering what in the heck I had done. It’s not like I expected much, just a chance to keep doing a job, a chance not to be alone. But you guys turned out to be just like everyone else. I didn’t see that telling you all anything would make a difference.”

“We had our reasons.”

“And I don’t need to know what they are any more than you need to know what my reasons are.”

“Smart aleck.”

“You aren’t the first to call me that.”

He shook his head. “You sure are calm for someone that was near hysterics not that long ago.”

“I wasn’t hysterical. I just have my boundaries.”

“Is that what you call it?”

I was fighting to keep the smile from my face. “Now who’s the smart aleck?”

“Rochelle …”

“Rocky … just Rocky.”

Very deliberately he said, “Ro-chelle if I tell the men who you are they are going to be sick about it. They are going to doubt themselves. How do you think Chuckri is going to feel? They were hitting a woman. Despite what you might think of us that’s not our MO. We have boundaries and standards too.”

I looked at and said, “At this moment I don’t care how any of them feel, Chuckri included. I understand he had it rough. Welcome to my world. But I didn’t use my GWB as a free pass to beat up on people because I was born like I was. Chuckri is being a jerk. That’s the hard part, realizing he is a jerk about this one thing but knowing that he is probably the best option Trish and Mickey have for a real family that can take care of them. He really cares about them. I just want to make sure he keeps on caring about them if his biological kids come into the picture as well.”

Thor scratched his chin, perplexed. “There’s an old woman hiding in your head isn’t there.”

“No. I’m just me Thor. That’s all.”

He was quiet for long enough that I started to think of escape again. It must have shown on my face. “And don’t think I don’t see those thoughts running around in your head. Say I agree to keep your secret, in essence continue your lie, you think I want it all for nothing?”

Ah here it comes, I thought. The blackmail or the price.

Instead I got a surprise. “Those Green Freaks … what I’m about to tell you …” He stopped, like he wasn’t sure how to continue. “Rochelle …”

“I told you to call me Rocky.”

“Listen Brat, I’ll call you anything I please and at the moment I’m finding more than a little satisfaction in irritating you by calling you by your proper name.”

I rolled my eyes again but figured he’d earned his chance to dig a little … a little.

“Several persons … let’s just say high up the food chain … considered the groups working under the umbrella name of Green Warriors to be worth keeping tabs on. They had been connected with some home grown terrorist activities and hate crimes. Yeah, get the look off of your face, I knew more about the GWBs than I was letting on but nothing about any of you specifically; that wasn’t part of our job. We infiltrated a couple of the cells and dismantled plans that were never made public. About five years ago a pattern was noticed. Unfortunately we couldn’t determine whether the Greenies were being used or were the users. I still can’t say for sure if their activities were separate from the Twelvers or whether they were being manipulated or infiltrated by the Twelvers. It may have been a case …”

“Don’t.”

I got a look that said that it wasn’t polite to interrupt my elders. “Thor, just don’t. You’ve warned me off. I don’t need any more trouble than what I already have.” Then a horrible thought occurred to me. “Are you saying that Chuckri, if he knew, would …”

“No.” Then he sighed. “I’d like to say with one hundred percent certainty … but we both know I can’t. I trust Chuckri with my life and have several times. I know he has no love of the Greenies as his ex-wife was one of those weird post modern hippy types that the Greenies tended to cultivate. But in their anger and hurt the men could let something slip to someone that might carry the information to people you don’t want having the fact of what you are.”

“I’m not a what Thor, I’m a who.”

“What … Who … Whatever. I’ve got firsthand knowledge that those people are dangerous. You were born out of one of their failed attempts to bring about their version of the future and your parents were murdered from another attempt … and one that appears to be working. I’m not going to let you simply run off into the night … the day … or anything in between … with no protection. This is what I do Kid. If you leave me no choice I’ll hunt these green freaks up I’ve learned about and I will take them out whether they are the real deal or not. I’ll say if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it is a duck. I’ll perform as judge, jury, and executioner.”

To say I was shock at the sudden change in direction of the conversation came nowhere near reality. “Are … are you telling me that if I don’t stay … that if I go off on my own … for my protection you will simply go … go assassinate complete strangers?”

“That is part of what I did Kid. That is part of what we all did. And we were very good at our job. We are the shepherds to the sheep.”

The size of his ego was breathtaking. “And you acted like I had a superman complex.”

“Kid this is no joke. If I’m lying I’m dying. If you run off I will hunt those punks that are claiming to be green freaks and remove them permanently. I will not … cannot … simply stand by and let you go knowing the kind of threat you are under.”

I shook my head. “No one knows but you.”

“Anyone that has ever known you … the real you … knows. Until I’m sure that you are going to be safe you are officially my job.”

“Job?! I didn’t hire you. I don’t need a blasted bodyguard much less a nightmare sized babysitter!”

“Too bad. You’ve got the biggest, baddest babysitter I know … me. You will stay in disguise. You will mind all that I say. When we get Chuckri home and settled we will make plans from there.”

I must have looked like a big mouth bass gasping for air. “Are … you … out … of … your … mind?!! No way have I come this far, suffered this much, to suddenly be saddled with an oversized, smelly, obnoxiously bossy Viking for a caretaker! I’ll go where I want, when I want, and do as I please without your permission. Just because your ego is bruised that I managed to survive without you …”

He barked a contemptuous laugh. “Yeah, you looked real good when you pulled in with those two kids. You were so tired you couldn’t put one foot in front of the other.”

“Maybe so, but I still would have figured something out. I had thought finding you guys was providential but maybe it was the devil throwing you in my face again. Every time I turned around something would remind me of …” I shut my mouth and tried to think fast on how to turn what I was about to say into something else but the look on Thor’s face stopped me.

It was closed off yet just about as unguarded as I’d ever seen him. “I … I missed you too Kid. You do make life … interesting.”

“No. No, you weren’t even for sure I was a guy or not. You called me a liar often enough. You …”

“I,” he said emphasizing the pronouns. “found you to be a puzzle. As a general rule I don’t like the kind of puzzle I thought you represented. I knew something was off. Once I was convinced you were female I wasn’t sure … er … what … er …”

Losing patience with inability to finish his sentence I snapped, “What? Did you swallow a frog? Stop croaking and spit it out already.”

Suddenly he was seized by real laughter. “What?” I asked trying to figure the joke.

“Kid, I swear you would try the patience of the Saints. I could never quite figure out what you were. Were you a girl or a guy? Were you a girl who wanted to be a guy or a guy who had secret leanings toward being a girl? Which way did you swing no matter what your gender was? Then I found out about your GWB status so I wondered if maybe you were both or maybe neither. I’d get myself convinced of one thing only to have you do something that would completely throw off my whole hypothesis. You were an enigma and a dang frustrating one.”

I didn’t find his wonderings quite as humorous as he did. “Yeah, I’ve heard it all before. For your records I’m female … all female … brains to brassiere and beyond. I ‘swing’ the way God built me to except that no one seemed to swing in my direction due to the way God let me be tampered with along the way. Only Jonathon and … and I think that was mostly because … because he was lonely and I was safe and had never judged him. And because we were both GWBs and understood what that meant. Now if I’ve satisfied your curiosity, I’m tired. I assume if I’m supposed to continue as is that I’ll still be allowed to be useful and work with Evans?”

“Hey Kid, I didn’t mean …”

I sighed knowing I couldn’t stay angry at him simply because he was what he was and I was what I was. “Forget it. Most people never mean anything truly hateful by the things they say, they’re just thoughtless. Lucky for me only a few seem to be bent on my complete destruction. I had planned on keeping my promise to Trish and Mickey anyway so I’ll stay until then but forget about any guarantees to let you turn my life upside down after that. I’ve got plans. They may not be great plans but they are my plans. Got it?”

I got a look that told me I was beginning to push my luck again but I didn’t care. I knew Thor’s type. It was either stand up for myself now or he’d run all over me doing what he thought was best for me.

“Rochelle …”

“For the last time, call me Rocky. Everyone does.”

“Well I’m not everyone. Listen to me, I will not let you go off on your own. Not now that I have the facts … and if there is anything else to spill you better do it quick. In the end I may not even care about the men’s feelings enough to keep them in the dark if you run off. And if you run off I will kill those idiots down at the lake. I do not like leaving things up to chance. I will not allow them to make you a target. You stay with me and no one gets hurt. The choice is yours to make.”

Irritated and highly offended at the non-choice he was offering me I told him, “Let’s see, leave to take the danger away from everyone here thereby turning you into a cold blooded murderer or stay and bring the potential danger to the group and perhaps turn myself into a murderer. Gee whiz, that’s a win-win if ever I heard one.”

“Thought you’d like it,” the big oaf deadpanned.

“Why you should care …,” I snarled.

“Beats me why I do but there it is … I do. You managed to get under my skin.”

“Then go take some Benadryl,” I told him.

Suddenly he started laughing quietly again. “Oh Kid. This is what I’m talking about.” After a moment of watching me like a spider does a fly he said, “I’ll walk you back to camp and …”

“See, you’re doing it already. People are going to talk. And might I remind you everyone else apparently really does think I’m a guy. What do you think people are going to say?”

“Heck if I know. Heck if I care. If someone is rude enough to ask I’ll tell them I’ve made you my special project; that it is my goal to train you up right and do something about that mouth of yours and to make you pay for being a pain in my backside one too many times as a bit of vengeance.”

Shaking my head I asked, “And you think they’ll believe it.”

“No, but it’ll keep them guessing long enough that I’ll figure something else out. I told you Kid, our team is good … and I’m the best.”

Outraged I asked, “How do you even stand upright with that big fat head?”

A wicked smile was my only answer.

Suddenly I was tired. No, beyond plain tired. I was painfully exhausted. “Thor. I’m tired of hurting. Tired of other people getting hurt. Just let me go and everyone of you can go back to normal life … or whatever passes for normal these days.”

“No.”

“I don’t understand why not.”

“Rochelle …”

“I …”

“Don’t. I won’t forget to call you Rocky or Kid out there. But when it is just the two of us I’m going to remind you of who you are every chance I get. I want you to remember so you won’t take unnecessary chances. I don’t want you brawling or anything like that.”

“I’ve never started one in my life but I’m not a coward that runs away either.”

“For God’s Sake, you’re a girl.”

“Yeah, and your point is?”

“Girls don’t …”

I laughed at him. “Girls don’t what? Defend themselves? Protect others … even if that means putting themselves in danger to do it? Have the right to be self-sufficient?”

I was frustrating him again. I stood up and looked him in the eye though he was nearly a head taller than me. “Look at me Thor. I am what I am. Part of it I didn’t have any choice to start with … but now I do, and I chose not to be the victim if I can help it. Nor will I stand by and let someone else be the victim. I’m not fragile. I don’t have the first clue how to be fragile. I’m me in all of the big, ugly truth of it. You wanted to know, well now you do. But your knowing and expecting me to suddenly conform to your idea of what a female is are two different things. I accept the first because I have no choice but the second is completely out of line.”

He looked at me and then said, “Fragile is over rated.”

I stepped back because his words were so unexpected. “And there isn’t anything wrong with being tall. I promise you, it is distracting as heck to get a crick in your neck because you have to bend over so far to kiss someone.”

“Who … who’s talking about kissing,” I said as he took a step towards me.

“And I’m not fond of the skinny toothpick type. They’re crunchy and break too easy,” he added as he took yet another step towards me.

“I might ask you to give longer hair a try, I do like that, but there isn’t anything wrong with the rest of the package.”

“You’re … you’re insane,” I forced out through dry lips. “You threaten me with one word and then try and … and distract me with then next.”

“That’s seduce, not distract. Just doing my best to remind you Rochelle.”

“That’s Rocky and you can’t remind someone of something they’ve never dealt with before so back off buddy before I change my mind about the stapling.”

Surprisingly he did step back. “I thought you were exaggerating or kidding about that.”

I muttered thoroughly disgusted. “Guys. They only hear what they want to hear.”

Thor opened his mouth to retort when we heard the warehouse door getting banged on. “Thor! We got problems!”
 

 

[Siskiyoumom]

Thank you for posting the story here! Can hardly wait for part two!

 

[AlaskaSue]

Oh wonderful find! Thank you for posting this one, love this story!

 

[wab54]

AAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! NEED MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! That hurt!!!




WAB

 

[CGTech]

Heh, got this entire story back when it was posted over at FS.... an outstanding story!

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 21

“What now?!” Thor and I growled in unison.

Thor ran to the door and I followed more slowly, unwilling to jog my still throbbing shoulder until I knew what the fuss was about. Unfortunately for me, fast or slow, Thor had other ideas.

“Stay here,” he snarled.

“Don’t start that again,” I snarled right back.

“Kid, you’re in no shape and I’m in no mood,” he said before wrenching the door open to reveal Evans and another man I didn’t recognize but whose eyes looked as big as saucers and who was holding his rifle a little too tight for good sense.

“Hey Kid. Listen up, bad business coming so let Thor do his job.” Turning to Thor he said, “A road patrol came in saying the pirates have been agitating anyone they can get to listen and now we got a mob of those highway refugees heading this way. Sounds like they plan on raiding the warehouse district and stripping the fields.”

“Get our people mounted up. We’ll take what grain we can and get gone.”

“Cain’t. The militia has us boxed in. We move we might accidentally get take for a baddie and then our goods might get confiscated. You know as well as I do there’s some around here that their feelings wouldn’t exactly be hurt by that and you know who I’m talking about.”

Still thinking of the refugees I muttered, ‘Stupid strategy. They’ll get steamrolled.”

Evans said, “Good eye Kid. Except we don’t know how big or desperate the crowd is going to be. The patrol came in in a panic which says more than it don’t. Them guys ain’t cowards. Sheer numbers could overwhelm our defenses. Strength in numbers may be all they need and after they break our line it will be everyone for themselves. Hungry people do crazy things.”

What he said made sense but it still didn’t feel right.

“But why would the pirates agitate them now? What do they gain from it? The locals will only blame them and make their life even harder,” I said.

Thor turned from bellowing orders to overhear my questions then he glanced at Evans. Evans shrugged, to adults silently communicating over the head of someone they thought was still a kid. It made me want to hit both of them.

Just then I saw Delia with Trish, Mickey, and several other kids. I threw over my shoulder as I moved forward, taking the safety off my rifle, “Fine. Keep your secrets. I’ve got a few of my own. Delia!”

She hesitated a moment then hustled her ducklings in my direction. I asked her, “Am I right to think this is the most secure building around here?”

I could feel Thor’s eye on me while his mouth gave orders to the other runners who had come up. Delia finally answered, “Yeah, it’s why it was chosen to store the grain in.” She had a slight accent I could identify that gave her voice a softness mine had never had.

“That’s what I thought. Take the kids inside. We’ll use bags of wheat to build a temporary bunker. Anything that manages to get through the steel walls will hopefully be stopped by all those sacks.”

Delia started to say, “Thor hasn’t …”

“Thor’s busy with organizing the crew, he can’t keep up with a bunch of kids too. And I don’t see anyone else around to it’s up to us.” As she continued to just stare at me I told her, “Move or don’t but I’m not leaving these kids standing in the middle of a potential war zone.”

I picked up two of the smallest, one of whom was a highly upset Mickey, and she finally seemed to come to the decision to do as I suggested. Then several more women came up with more young ones. A few of the women and teenagers were armed, most were not.

As I passed Thor and Evans they both glanced my way and told me with a nod to continue on with what I was doing. Evans went even further by reaching out and grabbing my arm. Quietly he told me, “Do what you can. Keep them out from under foot. We may send any wounded this direction too. Telling them Thor has other priorities is right. You’ll need to keep the door clear and don’t let ‘em build any fires; grain is combustible.”

Corralling a bunch of scared kids was easier said than done but it was finally made easier once Delia snapped back to herself. Listening to her way of ordering people around was an educational but not near as fun as watching Thor do it. Delia was more of an encourager, trying to work with people’s personalities; she didn’t bellow, she mothered.

Rather than getting her her way and distract the momentum she was building I told her quietly, “I’m going to be on the roof.”

“Body shots,” she told me gruffly.

“What?”

“When you shoot, don’t get fancy and go for a head shot. You’ll miss too often. Body is a bigger target and disabling works just as well as death in these circumstances.”

I nodded and then went to the caged ladder that ran up the inside of the wall and ledt to the catwalk beside the ventilation windows. It hurt going up but not as bad as I knew it was going to coming down. I just hoped I didn’t pull those stitches out again.

Once I got up there I was reminded of being up in the tobacco barn at home, hanging the sticks of leaves to cure or taking them down to process for grading and bartering. Heights didn’t bother me at all and neither did the odd sounds and smells of being that close to the roof. The birds and their associated mess didn’t make me happy but I’d made them even less so by disturbing their slumber. I used a utilitool from my pocket to pry out one of the jalousie windows. From there I played monkey and got up on the roof.

If it hadn’t been so serious I might have laughed, it was just that bizarre. I was reminded of the old monster movies where the villagers stormed the castle with torches and pitchforks. There were torches this time too only instead of pitchforks the moonlight glinted off of bottles, clubs, rocks, and I was afraid to wonder what else. Something still didn’t make good sense. How did these people expect to go up against guns? Hadn’t they learned yet that the world had turned and that guns weren’t just props on a television show?

Then something caught the corner of my eye. Two warehouses over several people I identified as militiamen were backing an old armored truck into a bay and then pulled down the roll down door before taking up positions in and around the location. A couple of thoughts fell into place with a dull chunk. The look between Thor and Evans. The fact I hadn’t seen any bartering going on like in other places I’d been. The municipal “dollars” I’d seen being used to pay for the things at the clinic and that the onl other thing they’d accept was silver or gold in whatever form you had it. Last but not least was that someone had enough precious metal to pay every man employed by the caravan in coinage as well as grain. As hungry as people were they could have found some who would have done it just so that they could feed their own families.

Creeping in behind that was the memory of the pirates being the agitating force behind the refugees but another glance told me they weren’t part of the crowd that had gotten closer despite the warnings being blasted by some kind of PA system.

Diversion or misdirection, like a Reverse Play in football, that makes your opponent look in one direction when the ball is already going in another. Reverse plays and End Around Plays didn’t always work and if that is what the pirates were doing that didn’t mean it would work this time either. But if the fake didn’t succeed at least a large portion of the fore they were going against would be tied up in a fight with the refugees while they played fox in the hen house.

Suddenly the battle was on. The refugees picked up speed and began to swarm. After the first few waves fell it was like trying to hold back the tide. The defensive line broke here and there allowing large groups through who then started making a run for the closest buildings looking for anything they could carry off. Our guys were getting swamped.

The time for watching was over. I was already sprawled across the still warm metal roof so all I had to do was start carefully picking my targets so that they caused as much confusion to any organized group of refugees that I could. Ours wasn’t the only caravan of goods as Topeka was a major trade and transportation hub. First one warehouse fell and then another one.

Then off to one side a large explosion lit up the sky adding to the chaos. But for me it wasn’t the response to the explosion that drew my attention but something I suspected was coming from a different direction. Sure enough I saw the first one slinking between the shadows heading towards the warehouse with the armored truck in it. The militiamen were all looking in the other direction. Well I wasn’t.

My first shot took out the slinker and alerted the militia they had trouble coming in behind them. I continued to pick off people as I could, where I could. The next explosion when it came had me sliding uncomfortably close to the edge of the roof. The only thing that caught me was some wire strung up there to keep the birds from roosting. I could hear the screaming inside the warehouse … all those kids.

My worst fears had not come true but it was a close thing. The warehouse next door to ours had taken a hard hit by something. Then I saw what the something was. There was some lunatic a couple of roofs over with an honest to goodness rocket launcher. He didn’t live to launch another since he didn’t survive the swan dive I caused him to have due to a well-placed head shot … the one that Delia had recommended against despite the fact I frequently took care of squirrels that way … but that wasn’t the point. I started looking not only on the ground but at the other buildings around me and it was a doggone good thing I did.

Note to self, always expect to run out of ammo at the absolute worst time. Although if you get right down to it there isn’t ever a good time to run out of ammo.

Two men were running towards our warehouse carrying something between them. I didn’t know what it was at the time and I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I was back in and then down the ladder as quick as I could though landing jarred my shoulder enough for me to want to gag for a second.

“Delia, I need a rifle …”

“We’re all out of ammo.”

I said a very unlady like word and then passed my useless rifle to her and pulled out my bowie. “Keep everyone down. Something’s up. I’m going to try and stop it but you may … you may be on your own from here on out.”

“Rocky …!”

“I gotta go …”

“You’re OK. Give Charles a chance to … to get passed this. He’s trying.”

“Sure,” I told her just to pacify her and get going. If I hadn’t she seemed to be the type of person that would delay me because she absolutely had to get me to understand she’d changed her mind about me or some sort of rubbish like that. I didn’t necessarily care what people thought of me anymore. I’d learned early and the hard way that it just did pay to worry about it though I admit I still fall into the bad habit of it with some folks.

By the time I did my own slinking to find where those men had gone they’d managed to set up at the darkest outside corner of our warehouse. I got close as I could trying to figure out what they were up to.

“In Gaia’s name will you hurry up! This is the last one we have and we can’t get caught here.”

“Don’t get your panties in a knot bro. We’ll blow the grain and by this time next year the Great Starving will be history and the Earth will be able to begin to heal herself righteously.”

My blood went cold. These people killed my parents. After the fog of hatred cleared a bit I could admit maybe not these two specifically but their group. For the first time I was faced with the opportunity to exact some revenge for all of the deaths these people had caused.

“Hurry up!”

“I can’t hurry up. I’m having to do this old-style and this stuff isn’t very stable. One wrong move and we both go before Gaia before we’ve earned enough credits to satisfy her.”

Great, just freaking great. No time for strategy or finesse. It was going to have to be brute force. I got into position and as the two of them stood up to move away trailing something that was still connected to the box they had put at the foot of the wall I determined it was now or never.

Freight Train Charbonneau had absolutely no problem taking out two wimpy emo dudes. I was actually afraid for a second I had killed them … until they started whining and complaining at each other. The idiots actually thought their little science experiment had gone off too soon and were cussing each other for making some kind of mistake. They still didn’t realize I was standing behind them and I didn’t feel like an introduction was a proper thing to do under the circumstances. So instead I gave them a well placed kick in the head to put them back out.

I was jittery with the desire to do something to them now that they were under my power. I hog tied them and then pulled their t-shirts up over their heads and used duct tape to hold them there so they couldn’t see what was going on around them if they did come to before I was ready for them to. I nearly laughed when I saw what was tattooed right below their belly button. “I belong to Gaia.”

I was thinking about what little Thor had told me and that there is no way idiots like this started the end of the world all on their own when a voice like molasses aske,“You going to give them a wedgie too?”

I spun and was face-to-face when what had to be a road pirate. How did I know? The stupid get up gave him away. On the other hand while he may have looked like an extra from a Disney sound stage, the dark light in his eyes and the sadistic pleasure he was taking in what I had done to those boys told me the comic attire was camouflage and that I was actually looking at a very dangerous man. “Hadn’t thought of that. Wanna help?”

He smiled a Cheshire Cat grin and said, “Some other time.”

The knife was simply there and coming at me giving me only seconds to react. Good thing my legs go to my armpits because I was able step out of his attack and make him over extend in his follow through. I came up and under his defenses and the bowie did the same job to the pirate that it had done to the coyote. But where the coyote had just been a dangerous animal this had been a human at some point in its life and I had just taken that life up close and personal. Immediately the bile rose in my stomach and I was puking my guts up before I could even think half a thought to stop.

I preferred the roof, you didn’t get to see their eyes that way, or hear moan as the life left their body. Speaking of moaning I nearly started up myself I’d pulled the stitches but at least it didn’t feel as if I had pulled them out.

I was looking down into the box wondering what I should do, listening to the two emo boys scream and carry on, when another voice had me spinning around.

“Easy,” he said while putting his finger to his lips and then pointing at my prisoners.

I nodded at Chuckri cautiously and then pointed down at the box and then a toss of my head indicated who it belonged to. When he came over and then looked down inside it his face got pale enough that it looked like soured milk. He quickly detached the strings I had seen which actually turned out to be a set of wires. He also took out a bag of some kind of powdery stuff before relaxing somewhat.

He reached over and whispered close enough that I could understand him to say, “Drag them to that shed and block them in with something. Things are dying down but we’ve still go mop up so don’t drop your guard. I’ll tell Thor about the wonder boys there.”

I nodded and turned to do what he’d told me when he grabbed my arm. I turned sharply but the look on his face stopped me from saying what was on my mind. He whispered again, “Evans is down. It only looked like a little tap in a fight but … something isn’t right. He’s spacey. Richards is with him in here.” He indicated the warehouse. “Just thought … you …” he stopped, shrugging.

I turned and grabbed them both by a foot turning them so that they were on their stomach and then drug them across the gravel and into the windowless shed. The shed’s door slid rather than swung so after closing it I had to jam something into the track to keep them from being able to open it. I turned to find that Chuckri had removed the box and then I went back into the warehouse to find Richards.

I found chaos. Kids were screaming and crying and there plenty of adults doing it too. The medical staff was trying to separate hysterical people constantly trying to get their attention from patients who really needed their attention.

I blew a whistle that, because of the echo in the warehouse, nearly made my own ears bleed.

“Shut up! Someone, get those kids and put them someplace. Get the older ones to help with the younger ones. I hear one more cry, scream or shout and you aren’t going to like the consequences!” My voice was naturally loud but I was adding a dash of Thor and a good dose of Coach to get my point across. “Now listen up, this is not helping. You interfere with the medics anymore and people are going to die, you are making it too hard for them to do their jobs.” Looking at the limited number of people helping Richards and the too many bodies littering the floor I asked, “Anyone here with first aid training? I don’t care if you are a kid. Boy Scout? Cub Scout? Girl Scout? Venturer?”

A voice answered, “4H, I know how to give first aid to animals.” A big, bushy headed boy stood up.

Then another voice, “There’s three of us from Troop 212.” That came from a cluster of boys standing beside and older woman who added she was a retired nurse.

“I … I know CPR. I have my babysitting certificate.” That from a little wisp of a girl near the back.

I nodded and then said, “Good. Now listen up. I’m going to ask you all to do something. This man here is named Dr. Richards. I want you to do what he tells you. It doesn’t matter if that just means sitting and keeping someone talking or if you are running to get him something. He may assign you to do help someone else. But I want you to work and give it your best. You could be helping to save lives here.”

The kids were obviously scared but they were also digging down deep and showing some pride. That more than anything would help turn this from a night of terror into a night they grew up some and maybe found a purpose. Like me. I didn’t know where what I was feeling was coming from but I knew that I’d found something worth cultivating.

With the human volume at manageable levels I walked over to Richards just as he gave the last kid an assignment.

“They said Evans was hurt.”

“He’s over there. He’s better now, more himself but …”

“This morning … wait … no … yeah, it was this morning … Lordy the hours are running together … he was acting a little off. Weak with a tendency to lean or lose his balance.”

He looked at me sharply, “Bad?”

I shook my head, “Not … no … no not bad but enough that I noticed. No one else seemed to though. Just … don’t tell him I said anything.”

“You’re looking after him?”

“Just returning the favor. He’s … he’s had my back a few times.”

“Rocky this is important. I want you to keep watching him. He was badly concussed when you got him out of that fix with the gamblers. Concussions can have lasting effects. I want to give him time to heal on his own before … before I say anything to Thor.”

“Thor knows. I had to explain why I wanted to get paired up with Evans. I don’t think he wants to … do whatever it is he would have to do if Evans wasn’t fit for working for some reason. You saw how Evans got last time. Evans is a good guy.”

He looked at me and then pulled me to the side. “I haven’t said anything up to this point because I figured it was your business but … if you’ve fallen for Evans this is going to make things difficult.”

I choked so hard my lungs nearly exited my nostrils. He just shook his head. “Kid I may not be a medical doctor per se but I do have more than a rudimentary understanding of anatomy. When I was checking to see if you’d broken any ribs when the dogs went at you I can count.”

“Oh.” I mumbled then the light bulb came on. “Oh!” Women generally have one more rib than men do; it makes up for the adam’s apple they don’t have.

“Who else knows?”

“Hmm. Dollars to donuts Thor knows or at least suspects; he doesn’t miss much though you’ve had him confused. I enjoyed watching him watching you trying to figure out what was different. Evans might know too. He’s just that way and it would explain why he was so foul with you in the beginning. Me. But I’ve wondered if the rest of them had bricks for brains lately. I count myself open minded so I figured you might be transgendered or …”

I snapped, “Well close your mind before something nasty flies in. What I am or am not is no one’s business but mine. Evans is my friend. He … I don’t know how to say it … he’s just been good to me when the rest of you acted like I wasn’t worth spitting on. Beyond my telling you that I don’t owe you an explanation.”

He got that irritatingly compassionate look that some head doctors get when they interview their clients. “You’re perfectly within your rights to feel that way but it might help you to let it out and …”

“Don’t … start. I am not a bug in your collection.” I stopped and then forced myself to say, “Please don’t tell anyone. I have my reasons. Respect them even if you can’t respect me.”

After another professional once over he nodded his head and then said, “Remember what I said. If you and Evans are going to …”

“We aren’t!” I said quickly. “We’re friends. I swear why do guys always have to think everything goes back to the issue of sex.”

A surprised look lit his face, then an appreciative smile came out and he said, “Touché.”

Richards went back to doctoring and I went over to check on Evans. “Hey, you try to take on someone my size?”

“Kid, don’t kid a kidder. A little tap like that shouldn’t have put me on the ground and out for as long as it did.”

“Maybe not if you were back to one hundred percent but you didn’t exactly give yourself a break after the gamblers. As I noticed you went back on full duty nearly as soon as you could sit a horse. Might not have been the smartest move. And you haven’t exactly been resting, not to mention the world is kinda falling apart as we watch. That’d put anyone under some serious stress.”

I watched him grab at those straws I was holding out and build a fire with them. Seemed to warm him enough that he got some natural color back. “Mayhap. Maybe we’ll run and grab us a fishing hole after we deliver Chuckri to his home. Might be time for a little R&R now that you mention it.”

“You’re on. And if we don’t find one in Missouri maybe there’s one along the way to whatever place you’re looking for. I know of a good one that stays wet all year back in the woods near home. There’s a hot spring that feeds it. Smells terrible but it makes a pretty good hot tub so long as you don’t mind the occasionally curious nibble.”

He smiled but then got serious. “You asking me to come to your place?”

“Well, yeah. Come throw your feet up by the fire. It’ll keep me from talking to myself all winter.”

I wasn’t sure I knew what I was doing but something was telling me this man needed me. Not in … well … not in that way. I couldn’t explain it but asking him to go home with me was right.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Says you. You’re just trying to get out of me beating you by landing the first big one.”

“Like @#$% you will. I was fishing before you was even thought of.” Just like that the bargain was sealed. It didn’t even need a handshake.

Then the door slammed open scaring the bejeebers out of all of us and a voice yelled, “Richards!”

It took me a second to realize the sack of potatoes they were hauling in was Thor.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 22

“Whot’s going on Kid? Cain’t see in this light.”

“It’s … it’s Thor,” I said reeling in shock.

“What’r ya waiting fer? Get over there. Don’t let that ol’ sawbones get to him.”

“Richards …”

“Not Richards ya dingaling … Nona. The one ya call the gargoyle. She’s been after him since the first time she laid eyes on him and love to play doctor with him. She’s on her broom and coming this way ter take care of the militia whot’s got shot. Now stop flapping her jaws and get over there afore she takes yer spot.”

I got if for no other reason than to avoid what his words seem to mean.

Thor was had regained consciousness when before I reached him and as Richards’ uncharacteristic snarling indicated, he wasn’t being the least bit cooperative.

I stepped in. “Thor!” I bellowed loud enough to upset the birds roosting on the I-beams. “Good, I have your attention finally. If you don’t mind Richards I will take advantage of this rare opportunity and dump you on your head to knock some sense into you.”

He started snarling and snapping his opinion of that idea, the medical community in general, and made sure his opinioin of me came through in the wake of the blast. Then a wicked idea entered my head. Something must have shown on my face because Richards said, “Forget it Rocky. I’m ethically opposed to tying my patients down even when they deserve it.”

“Would I do that? No, no I would not.” There was a subtle emphasis on “I” that caused Richards’ eyes to widen briefly and then he bit his lip to keep from laughing. I continued, “Oh no. I just ow Thor too much … way too much.”

Thor didn’t know what was coming his way but he didn’t appear inclined to wait around to find out. “Just patch me up so I can get back out there. We’re in the middle of a battle!”

“Mop up,” I told him.

“Kid …,” he growled.

“We’re in the middle of mopping up. The mob was defeated. The pirates stopped. Our grain is secure. And the militia is gathering the stragglers and dealing with the injured. The battle is over.”

Thor turned to Richards and through gritted teeth said, “Patch … me … up … Now.”

Regardless of Thor’s belief in his own invincibility he looked like he’d taken a pounding. Alfonso had been one of the guys to bring Thor in so I asked him what had happened.

“Some happy sap with an M20 was blowing things up. Took out a position that was giving us cover. After things calmed down we rushed to see if we could dig out any survivors. Somebody moved the wrong thing and a wall finished its falling right on top of Thor.”

Thoughtfully I said, “In other words it took a building falling on hom to slow him down.”

“And don’t you forget it Kid. Whatever you’re planning for revenge you better be digging your grave at the same time.”

I had to grin. “Of course … but this is going to be worth it. However, if I were you I’d back up a few feet, the fireworks should be spectacular.”

I stepped outside to give the impression that I had been bluffing and was just trying to get out of somebody calling me on it. Peeking back in I saw that even Thor had fallen for the move and slowed his insistence that Richards hurry up. Then I spotted her heading towards me with a full head of steam. “Rocky! Might have known I’d find you in the middle of this mess. I was told some of our people are over here.”

I put a hang dog face on. This woman may have known of me but she really didn’t know me, know me. I figured I could pull my own trick play. “Sure are.”

“High casualty rate?” she asked quietly.

“Naw. Don’t think so.”

Irritated she asked, “The why the devil do you have that look on your face? You scared me to death. We’re victorious. It was a total route.”

I sighed pitifully. “It’s … it’s Thor. A wall fell on him. And …” I stopped and looked around pretending to see if anyone was listening. “Well, our medic isn’t a medical doctor, but a shrink and I don’t know if he’s got what it takes to examine Thor thoroughly the way he needs it. Thor’s our boss. We have to do what he says and you know how he can be.”

Her feathers were practically standing on end. “I sure do. Where is he? Inside?” She brushed passed me without waiting for an answer.

Once again the warehouse door banging open startled everyone. Thor saw who it was and started scrambling to get up but he really was hurt whether he admitted it or not. I felt guilty for all of a quarter second because of that. She was on him and practically ripping his clothes off before anyone knew what was coming. Her bellowed, “Don’t be such a baby Big Boy. You don’t have anything I haven’t already seen.” Added icing to my triple layer cake.

I scooted around the edge of the crowd to tell Evans I was going to take care of our gear and that I’d be back later.

Evans shook his head but couldn’t help a tired smile, “Better make that a long while. The look I saw Thor send in your direction promised death, dismemberment, and disemboweling … not necessarily in that order.”

I nodded and then headed towards the exit again. I don’t know what imp too over but if I was going to die, I wanted to go out with a bang. I walked over near enough to say something to Nona but not near enough for Thor to throw anything at me.

“Nona, he looks so bad. I bet he needs stitches.”

“Don’t tell me my business,” she humphed at me. “Don’t worry, I’m going to check him thoroughly and if he needs them he’ll get them. I put stitches in people all the time. Now get out of my light.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said politely. “I just really owe Thor so much.”

Then I skedaddled before I busted out laughing. Alfonso caught my arm and whispered, “I’ll tell the others to plan your funeral.”

“Put on my tombstone I died happy.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 23

Paybacks were satisfying but I knew mine would eventually turn on me, they always do. I sobered up when I remembered the two guys I had stuffed in the shed. It was time to deal with that situation. I hadn’t decided what to do yet when I got to the shed only to find it opened and empty. A militiaman was standing there and I asked, “Weren’t there some prisoners in there?”

“Prisoners? We don’t take prisoners. If there were combatants in there they’ve been executed for crimes against the community.”

I opened my mouth to say something that likely would have proven unwise when I was crowded from the side.

A gruff voice said, “You’re getting paid to work, not stand around getting in the way.”

Chuckri turned me and then with an apologetic look at the militiaman, steered me well away from the scene. When we were several yards away he said in a whisper, “Don’t cause trouble.”

I looked at him and asked, “You think what that guy said was right?”

He shook his head at me. “Doesn’t matter what I think. This is their town and they’ve got the power and clout to run it their way. And the people like it, they keep asking for more and more. This situation tonight will only reinforce the idea in the minds of the people here that they need someone to take care of them, to stand in the breach and protect them.”

“But … that’s stupid. The people here could have done the job we did. It wouldn’t be any easier for them than it was us but … but … execution? Without a trial? That’s not even constitutional.”

“Where have you been Kid? The Constitution only works when there are enough people who willingly live by it. When you have to enforce the Constitution by forcing submission of the majority by military might you run the risk of becoming the very type of tyranny the Constitution tries to protect us from. People can only be free when they are willing to be free. You can’t force people to think like free men should.”

We’d gotten way deeper than I had meant. “I know all that. My dad was a Constitutionalist.”

“Good for him and no offense but he ain’t here and we are.” He shook his head, probably at what he considered my naiveté. “Things are going to be a while changing, settling. You need to be more careful Kid if you want to stick around long enough to influence how they wind up.”

I didn’t know where we were headed until I saw the pony cart. For a moment I thought he meant to put me on the road but then he said, “Here, help me gather up everyone’s gear and take it over to the warehouse. Your idea of being a roof spotter was a good one and we’ll continue using it until we can get outta here.”

I looked at him to see how he’d known and he must have read the question on my face. “Delia told me. That was you that picked off that guy with the rocket launcher.”

It was more statement than question so I just shrugged.

“I also heard it was a roof top sniper that alerted the militia to the pirates going after the vault.”

“Mmm.”

He cocked an eyebrow as we each pulled a side of the pony cart. “Now you’re playing smart. Keep your mouth shut about things when you can. For example, you’re better than you let on obviously. And that rifle you carry isn’t anything worth bragging about so it makes me wonder what you could do with a decent weapon and scope. Where is it anyway?”

“Dad always told me an empty gun wasn’t nothing but a fancy club.”

He asked, “You out of ammo?”

“Yeah. We took a haul from those gamblers but it got spread thin when it was divvied out. Picked up some more when I found the kids but a night like tonight will burn through a supply of any size.”

He nodded in agreement. “I hear that. You got your casings?”

“Most of ‘em. A few rolled off the roof. Plan on reloading when I get home assuming no one found Dad’s equipment room.”

“You can reload?” he asked surprised.

Instead of a direct answer I told him, “Ammo’s not cheap and we weren’t rich.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He stopped by a pile of bodies that I had been studiously trying to ignore. “Good. They haven’t started stripping them yet. Look for any replacement equipment you need. Focus on anyone that looks like they were a pirate first. They’ll be more likely to have what we need. Don’t touch the militiamen at all. No need to cause problems when we don’t have to.”

It wasn’t pleasant but I understood the necessity. It wasn’t any worse than going through an abandoned house; in both cases the previous owner was gone and never coming back.

By the time we’d gotten all of the men’s gear we’d also pillaged enough body piles that I had enough ammo to fight another battle, twice as many to reload when I got a chance, and was praying that it would be the end of Juvember before I ever laid eyes on another corpse.

We pulled the pony cart into the warehouse through a roll up door. The sun was coming up and I was just about as tired as I’ve ever been. Most of the wounded militia were gone and the few that were left were being loaded into hand wagons by their personnel. Chuckri stepped away to talk to someone with some stripes on his uniform. I looked around and spotted Barkley coming down from the ladder.

“How the Sam Hill did you get on the roof Kid?”

“Out the window and …”

He shuddered. “No. Don’t tell me. @#$% I hate heights. I have to spell Alfonso who is out there now.”

“I’ll do it,” I volunteered.

“You sure Kid? What do I have to trade?”

“Huh? Oh … nothing. Consider it doing me a favor. The further away I am when Thor gets in the mood to let me have it the better.”

A tired chuckle was followed, “No truer words have been spoken. Seriously Kid, you sure? About the roof I mean.”

“Sure, don’t sweat it. Heights have never bothered me. We have any water so I can fill my canteen?” The morning was young but already turning warm.

He pointed me towards a large plastic barrel that I hadn’t noticed before. I walked over and saw Evans had tucked himself out of sight behind a couple of crates. I went back and got his gear and then unrolled his bedding right beside him. All he had to do was roll over and he’d be in bed. He woke up just enough to mumble “thanks” before falling back to sleep. I finished filling my canteen and to stuff my pockets with the last of my gorp; and then went over to the caged ladder.

Barkely said, “You’re sure?”

“I said I was didn’t I? Hey, before I go up … Thor is all right? For sure all right?”

“Yeah, he’s a tough one. Nona bandaged him up but …,” he snickered a moment. “She seemed kind of disappointed that he didn’t need stitches.”

“What a shame … I mean … lucky for him huh?” I deadpanned drawing another tired chuckle.

“Kid, if I were you I’d be looking for a way to get back in Thor’s good graces real quick.”

“Naw, I like taking my life in my hands. Where is he anyway?” I asked looking around cautiously.

“Sleeping off whatever Nona dosed him with. All joking aside, he’s gonna be moving slow for a while. Between you and me I think we need to get out of this town sooner rather than later. It don’t seem too healthy around here. I just don’t know how long it’ll be before Thor, and Evans too, will be able to sit a horse. I got me a bad feeling this ain’t a good place for us to be right now.”

“I won’t disagree with you. Besides it’s already June and it’s going to take me forever to get home and I wanna do it before it gets too cold. The longer we stay here the longer it takes to get where I’m going.”

“You still set on heading east?”

“That’s the plan and so far nothing’s changed it. What about you?”

“I’m a Midwest boy myself but don’t have no family left to speak of. Chuckri’s offered me a place and I’ve taken him up on it. We’ve all been together for so long we’re like brothers.”

“Yeah … I got that. Look, tell Chuckri I’m up on the roof spelling Alfonso and if Evans wakes up cranking tell him where I’m at. I think Thor has made him babysitter in charge and I really don’t want to give him any grief in his condition.”

“Sure Kid.”

I grabbed my rifle and took it with me when went up and exchanged places with Alfonso. I also took stuff to give the rifle a basic cleaning and glad that I did, it kept me occupied so I wouldn’t focus on how hot it was and how tired I was. If I had been the kind of girl that enjoyed sunbathing that would have been the perfect spot to fry myself up on both sides. My canteen had long ago gone empty and I was really starting to doze when I heard my name called.

“Rocky! You still up here?”

It was Richards. “Where else would I be? You got a second to get me some water? My canteen’s been dry a while and I’m …”

Richards rarely swore so when he let off a string that would have made a salty old sailor proud I thought something was wrong. I slid down and then hung over the end getting an upside down look at his tired face. “What’s up?”

“Who was supposed to spell you after Alfonso?”

“Don’t know. About the water …”

“Get in here.”

“You …”

“I said get … in … here. How long have you been without water?”

“Don’t know … awhile.” I told him flipping around and coming in through the window. “Trouble?” I asked again looking around for anything out of the ordinary.

“Down. Now. Move.”

“Richards …”

“Not another word. Do you realize it is getting on towards four o’clock?”

I shrugged, “Sure. I remembered to wind my watch.”

“You’re as red as a lobster.”

“Beet. People who get red as lobsters are usually burnt. I’m beet colored, it’s just from the heat.”

“You’re fried.”

“Naw. I don’t burn. Something about the melanin in my skin.”

I could hear his teeth grinding enamel on enamel so I shut up so we could both concentrate on getting down the ladder and I could find out what he was so bent out of shape about. As soon as his feet hit the concrete of the floor he was marching over to the corner office. When he realized I wasn’t following him he looked at me with an expression that had me catching up right quick.

“Richards what is up? If there’s trouble …”

“Trouble? You’re up there nearly 10 hours with only one canteen of water, no break, no rest, and I assume no one has even bothered to check on you in all that time either?”

I didn’t want to lie to the guy but he didn’t sound too happy. I had just opened my mouth when Chuckri stuck his head out and said, “Kid what kind of problems are you creating now?”

I tried to open my mouth to tell Chuckri that it wasn’t me that was yelling when Richards went off on him. Then they started going off on each other. I looked at them both liked they were losing their minds.

I blew a whistle through my teeth and said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa … Time out! Richards, dude, I’m fine. Chuckri, chill out man, Richards is just … you know … tired and stuff after spending all night and day patching people up.”

Richards said, “Kid, I appreciate what you’re saying but it is not OK. You were up there and if I hadn’t wondered where you were there was no telling how long you would have been left up there.”

“I’m not stupid Richards. I was just about to the point I would have called down for a refill on the canteen. And heights and heat don’t bother me. I’ve been working in tobacco barns and silos my whole life. Really man everything’s copacetic. I’m sure that someone would have been up to spell me as soon as there was a break in the workload.”

I looked up just in time to see a slightly guilty look come over Chuckri’s face as well as Thor’s who had just limped into the room. “Oh.” I shrugged. “Well … er … whatever.”

I turned and left the office, shutting the door quietly behind me. I’d known paybacks were probably going to be rough but if they thought that they’d made me feel sorry they didn’t know me very well. Of course the reality was they didn’t really know me at all.

I walked over to find Evans stirring from his pallet. “Hey, whot’s all the noise?”

“Richards needs some sleep. How are you feeling?”

“Like I broke my energy bone. That soup they fixed us at lunch helped for a little while but now …” He faded out with an uncertain look on his face.

“Hey, don’t go trying to do too much. That’ll just cause a relapse,” I told him. “You were there when the dog chewed on me, about time I got to return the favor.”

I got an absent-minded grin before he said, “And don’t you fergit it Kid. I think for once Richards might be right.” A light snore soon followed as I dug for anything to eat out of my pack. Evans talking about lunch reminded me my stomach was empty. My bladder should have been full but I’d sweated too much.

I had my foot on the bottom rung when Richards stopped me, “You aren’t going back up there, I don’t care what they say.”

Not wanting anyone to overhear me I told him, “Don’t make a scene. Thor knows what I am. I think Evans might too but as far as I can tell no one else does. This isn’t hurting me any, I’m tougher that you want to realize. If I whine and complain all of a sudden people are going to talk and I can’t afford that, especially not now.”

“Why not now?”

I didn’t want to pull anyone else into my messed up problems. “It’s … complicated. But trust me if you can, it doesn’t really have anything to do with you guys per se. I wish I could explain without making things worse but I don’t think I can. I’d rather just keep going the way I’ve been going and make the best of it. You only need to put up with me for a little while longer. I promised the kids I’d see them settled and … well, that can’t be too much further off. I’ll be out of your hair after that. Until then … don’t … don’t treat me like such a girl. It doesn’t help things and I’m not sure I need it anymore.”

He sighed and shook his head but he let me go. As I climbed and went back out to the roof I could feel eyes on me but I refused to look back to see who it was. Around five o’clock I smelled the cook fires starting up but it was closer to eight before a man from the caravan I recognized but didn’t know said he had come up to take over. I was so hungry by that point about the only thing I could think of was to get down and grab something to eat.

I slid down the outside ladder and headed straight to where I’d seen the cooking pots … and head first into disappointment. The pots were empty. The people that had done the cooking were sympathetic but they’d made what they were told to make and no one had been allowed seconds. They’d even had to water things down a bit to make it stretch as far as it had.

I was mad like I hadn’t been earlier in the day. Maybe I had taken it too far egging Thor on like I had but at least I had known that he was not likely to be harmed by the likes of Nona. Leaving me up on the roof and not even having the decency to check on me … well what little fun I’d had was gone like dust on the wind and I was back to feeling completely alone and distrustful.

I probably should have known not to give my trust back so easily but I suppose you could say that I had been desperate to connect in there somewhere, lonely enough that I would have taken what little bit they would have given me. Worse I could have kicked myself for reading something into Thor’s knowledge of what I was. The sooner I could get away from everyone the better.

My attitude wasn’t helped at all by being tired and hungry. I must have looked frightening as I walked from shadow to shadow working off my frustration. More than one person startled and jumped away from me like I was the boogey man. And then when the rain started falling I knew that I needed to find a place and hole up for a while. I needed rest and food but it looked like rest was the only thing I was going to get.

And then it looked like I wasn’t going to get that either as I discovered a cranky family had gotten to my chosen shelter ahead of me. The man was whining the woman was complaining and the kids were just plain miserable. It took me a moment to figure out that all they had to eat was boiled wheat but that no one found it edible. I knew from experience that for some people it was an acquired taste and that was only made worse if it wasn’t cooked well.

“Hey, enough noise already. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Wheat is more than many will have to eat tonight.” They just looked at me in a defeated like they were waiting for me to steal what little they had. “Oh for pete sake. Here, grab that skillet and put a little bit of oil in it. Now scoop out some of the wheat a little at a time and dry it between two towels … no, like this. OK, kids get back a little further because the grease is going to crackle.”

I proceeded to show them how to cook “popped wheat.” By the time I was done with that I was sick to my stomach. The family was all but skin and bones and I didn’t have the heart to take any of their food though I could have. I crawled away looking for another hidey hole and was got soaked in the process. I finally found a warehouse where a lot of single wretches like me were taking refuge from the rain and did my best to lean against the wall and try and get some sleep to escape.

It seemed like no time later I was being shaken awake, “Kid … hey Kid.”

It was Evans. There was some cussing and groaning from those being disturbed around me. “C’mon Kid. They’re taking delivery of the wheat and Thor wants to get gone from here. I’ve been looking for you for hours.”

“What … what time is it?”

“’Bout three in the morning I reckon. Dawn’s still a ways off.” As I stumbled after him I asked, “What are you doing out in this weather? Last I saw you weren’t feeling too good. You looking to make yourself sick on top of everything else?”

I was passed caring if he realized I was female or not so I didn’t bother trying to hide it.

“Look who’s talking. Why’d you let ‘em do that to you? Then you didn’t come in when they did finally send somebody up. We’d gone ter grab something ter eat together.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered either way. I went down the outside ladder and straight to the cook fires. Everything was already gone.”

“Gone? You meaning to tell me you ain’t et in … in how long?!”

“Don’t yell. It is what it is. Let’s just get this over with. The sooner we get Chuckri to his home the sooner I can shed this group and stop making a fool out of myself thinking things have changed.”

“Ready to get rid of us?”

I looked at him and suddenly saw the man standing there and not just a man. “Not all of you.” I shook my head to clear the cobwebs, “But I’m tired of it all. There’s things you don’t know.”

“One of ‘em being you’s a woman.”

That made me smile. “No. Well that’s part of it but Richards told me you likely had figured it out and I’m grateful I don’t have to lie to you anymore. It bothers me. There’s just other stuff.”

“Does it have something to do with the way you are?”

“Yeah, some of it does. I just don’t need trouble, not … not here or now … or every anymore. I just want to go home where if there are any left alive they already know what I am and I already know how they feel about it. Can we just … change the subject?”

“Sure Kid. Sure. But you stick with me from here on out. Thought Thor had better sense. Well, his loss.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 24

Evans’ words warmed me, driving out the cold that had taken hold. “So,” I smiled “any particular reason we’re flying in the night like this?”

“Getting while the getting is good . There’s been some stories of people getting paid and then all of a sudden they are told they’ve been fined or owe some local fee or other, or the goods they contracted for are suddenly more expensive than they were led to believe. They wind up broke all over again, or worse, in debt and working for the city to get free of the debt.”

“Wind up owing their lives to the company store?” A wink barely visible in the reflection of a fire we passed told me I’d got it right.

He looked at me speculatively and said, “I’d say we ride double but if you’re trying to avoid talk …”

I grimaced and then sighed, “I’ll keep up unless we have to run. I’m long legged and fast for my size but I won’t out last a horse. I’ll probably just pull the kids or gear in the pony cart or …”

“No you won’t.” The dead certainty in his voice left no room for discussion. “Chuckri can figure it out. He wants them kids then he and that Delia can start taking care of them now. The sooner the better.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Well I do. He could’ve at least checked on ya; for that matter I should have.”

I didn’t like my one true friend feeling bad. “Hey, it’s no biggie. And even if it was it’s not Trish and Mickey’s fault and I won’t hold it against them. They’re just kids.”

His voice was gruff and a little awkward when he said, “Well …”

I stopped before we got to the warehouse and pulled him into an even blacker pool of darkness so we wouldn’t be seen. “Evans, don’t let this … this knowing what I am change things. I’m the same me I’ve always been. And we both know I’m not the fragile type and that I can give as good as I get. There’s a price for letting people think I am a guy and I knew it before I even started. I appreciate you taking my part but I don’t want to cause problems. I keep being told y’all have been together as a crew for a long time. I don’t want to mess that up. It’s enough to know it matters to you.”

He shook his head. “It’s too easy to fergit how all fired young you really are. Just remember what I said, you stick with me. I don’t cotton to the way Thor and Chuckri handled things this time. It could have gotten out of hand real easy. Now you mind me on this, ya hear?”

“I hear,” I told him knowing from past experience he wouldn’t lay off until I did.

“We’ll keep our eyes open and snag ya something to eat as soon as might be. We’ll keep our eyes out for that fishing gear too … if you’ve still a mind to.”

“Of course,” I told him.

That made us both smile and that’s how we entered the warehouse.

“You two happy about holding us up?” Thor snarled.

I just looked at him and suddenly I was coldly angry with him all over again. I walked over and picked up my pack and put it on while saying, “As I recall my participation in this crew was to get that wheat to market. Evans told me the buyers finally came to finish the transaction with no warning and just left not that long ago. Well guess that means your need to tolerate me is over. You sure weren’t obligated to look for me or wait no more. Can’t even imagine why you would expect me to think you would. Your message was pretty clear before now, yesterday jut reinforced it.”

I walked to Trish and Mickey and knelt down in the uncomfortable silence. “I won’t be far. Not if I can help it. I’ll keep my promise and make sure you get settled. OK?”

“Now hold on here,” Evans broke in. “See what you’ve started Thor? You left the Kid up on that roof all day, no water, no food … and Rocky still ain’t had nothing to eat …”

“Evans!” I didn’t want anyone’s pity or the kind of attention he was generating on my behalf.

“You hush up Kid. I’m gonna have my say. I ain’t the best example but I wouldn’t leave a buddy hanging like they done. It went from joke to meanness just because you didn’t cry and admit defeat, or maybe they just plain forgot about you which ain’t no better. Makes me wonder how much noise the rest of ‘em would be making if they’d been treated the same way. Also makes me begin to wonder what they’ll do to me when I ain’t useful to ‘em no more.” Then he turned to Thor and Chuckri. “I been with this crew longer than anybody here. Watched men come and men go; some by choice and some the hard way. You two are supposed to be the leaders now. We’re supposed to follow what you do and be able to trust you are looking out for all of us. I expect some tomfoolery like what’s happened from the Kid, Rocky’s only just eighteen. I don’t expect it from the two o’ you. Don’t fergit I was around when you were both that age. Both of you were a couple of pains in the @##$%. I cain’t count the number of times us older guys wanted to drop you down a well someplace and leave you there … ‘specially that time in Fallujah. I never heard such a bunch of complaining as we used to get out of you that first year.”

Chuckri opened his mouth but Evans stopped him, “I got something to say to you special. Some example you set. Or are you just one of those that wanna be a Pap only when it’s easy or fits in with your plans? Them kids been watching you. You gonna explain to them why yer treating the person whot saved their lives the way you are treating Rocky or are you gonna let ‘em think anything’s ok to do so long as it is just supposed to be a joke?”

Chuckri didn’t like that and crossed his arms and glared. Thor growled threateningly, “You got something to say to me?”

“Don’t got to. You know what you did. And you know why it were wrong. You think I’m gonna make it easy on you? I …”

Suddenly Evans seemed to lose his balance. I ran forward and grabbed his belt and steadied him. Richards stepped forward looking daggers at both Thor and Chuckri. “I told you to have someone else look for Rocky.”

“Aw, get off me,” Evans complained as both Richards and I tried to get him to sit down.

“This whole situation is on Rocky. Everywhere the Kid goes there’s trouble,” Thor snarled.

My concern for Evans made me angry to the point of nearly losing control. Lack of rest and food was loosening my lips as well. “Fine, it’s on me for not checking in when I didn’t think you or anyone else gave a rip, specially not after yesterday. But you best back up right now. Evans is the only one I trust to have my back and he needs some space … and a few too many are crowding him.”

Whatever it was they saw on my face, a couple of them backed up fast enough to step on each other’s feet.

“Knock it off, just tripped over my boot lace,” Evans complained

“Sure. But just on the off chance that wasn’t it just let Richards do his thing. You promised me some R&R and a visit to a fishing hole. Remember? How we gonna go fishing if you don’t stay well? You promised to teach me to cheat at cards too.”

Outraged Evans said, “I did no such thing. Fishing yes, cards no. I don’t want you fooling with cards, they lead to other things you don’t have no business messing with.”

I grinned at Richards, “Oh well, it was worth a try.”

“Humph” was the only sound I got out of Evans but he couldn’t quite keep a smile from pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“All right, show’s over. Finish loading your gear, we’re leaving in thirty.” Thor said more quietly than he had up to that point.

The other men scrambled off. Pointedly ignoring Thor I concentrated on Richards and his assessment of Evans. He sighed. “I don’t know. I’m no medical doctor and you know it. Some of it, maybe most of it, is fatigue but I don’t like your slowed response time Evans. You took a bad crack on the head back …”

“Yeah, yeah. If we’re leaving in thirty I need to get saddled up. Kid, if I have to tie yer over the rump of my horse yer not wandering off. You mind me now. I ain’t in the mood for no more. Now move and let me get up. I may be the old man of this crew but I ain’t exactly ancient.”

“I never said you were old,” I told him. “Neither did Richards. We’re saying you aren’t taking care of yourself.”

“Aw, stop yer fussing. You just want to get to that fishing hole is all. Let’s get Chuckri to home and I’ll rest then. Seems to me we don’t need no more delays.”

Unfortunately Evans was right. He stood up and only stumbled once going out to the horses. I made to follow but Thor and Richards both held me back. “Someone’s already saddled it for him. He’s just going to check it to save face.”

I looked down at Thor’s hand on my arm, looked him in the eye and then tightened my bicep muscles up, spreading his fingers, so that he got the idea I didn’t want him touching me. I turned to Richards and asked, “You sure he’s all right?”

“Honestly? No. There is some cloudiness in his right eye that wasn’t there before his beating. His reflexes are noticeably slower than they were before as well. Evans looks a lot older than the rest of us but he’s only forty. I can’t account for his current condition except as a byproduct of his time in the … care … of the gamblers.”

I asked, “What can I do to help?”

“Keep an eye on him. See if there is any change for the worse, even if it is mild. See if there is anything in particular that precipitates these types of episodes even if it is just fatigue. Make sure he rests. Maybe all he needs is some rest, we could all use some, but I can’t say that’s it for sure.” It was obvious he was frustrated and feeling the limits of his knowledge.

Richards left to go tend to his own gear and I went to get the rest of Evans’ so I could load it on the horse. Before I could go however Thor grabbed my arm again. “Thor, you grab me again and you might just pull back a nubbin. I’m not one of your men you can order around.”

“You never were.”

I just shook my head and made to walk away again. “@#$% you know what I mean.”

“No I don’t and I’m done making excuses for the dumb things you say. And stop cussing at me. You get your point across well enough without it. I mean it Thor, I’m done. I’m almost clear of this whole mess. When I fulfill my promise to the kids I’m gone. I’m going to tell you this once and only once. Maybe I did enjoy it too much when Nona set on you but she is a real doc and you were hurt and weren’t listening to Richards. You’re still moving like someone’s granny. Despite it all you scared me getting hurt and then when I saw you were OK I got silly. But what you did to retaliate, you never would have done that to any of the other men. Did I really deserve that for what I did to you or was it about me being different and putting me in my place?”

“What kind of question is that?” Thor asked irritably.

“One that I’ve had to ask myself too often in my life. I just thought with the end of the world I’d be able to put all of that behind me. Obviously not. And here’s another thing, Evans is my friend whether you like it or not. I won’t interfere with your crew but I won’t be interfered with either when it comes to returning Evans’ friendship. He’s the only one out of all of y’all that never has offered me false coin. He knows what I am … or mostly … and suspect he might know even more than he’s letting on. He’s that kind of guy. But he’s had my back time after time and I mean to do the same for him. Anyone gets in the way of that and I will hurt them.”

He snorted, “Real feminine Ro-chelle.”

“You don’t know what real feminine means. I can guarantee you those silly little things you seem to think are the perfect example of womanliness are nothing but fake paper dolls and don’t look so pretty these days; and they’re probably little more than useless to their families too. Real women are just that … real, not concreted over with makeup thick as spackle and so many dye jobs they’ve probably forgotten what their real hair color looks like. Sure, I could be more girly, even women my size and bigger can do it, my aunt was one of them … but I’d be dead right now if I was you big dope. I am still the exact same person I was before. I have always been this person. It is other people that keep trying to hang a label on me.”

I nearly walked away but had to finish saying what was on my mind. “What did you expect? That you were going to reveal the fact that you knew I was female and suddenly I was going to shrink, lose a few pounds, and turn dainty and fragile and oh so grateful for your notice? If so that’s some fantasy life you have there. I am who I am and what I am by birth and by choice. You are just one of the way too many that can’t seem to accept me for who I am. You’ve made things real clear, you and the other men. Like I said, just stay out of my way when it comes to helping Evans. I’ve lost a lot of trust in you guys, maybe I shouldn’t have given it so easily in the first place.” I mumbled the last more to myself than to him.

“Rochelle …”

He tried to grab me again and I elbowed him where I knew he was bruised so he’d let go quick and then walked away. I’ll admit that I was hurt and angry … hurt by him and Chuckri and the other guys too and angry at myself for forgetting all of the rules of self preservation that I’d set for myself. I grabbed Evans’ gear and made my escape.

I wasn’t the first to be ready but I wasn’t the last either. Finally we were on our way out of Dodge before the first cock crowed and anyone was awake to stop us. The rest of the caravan crew had been paid their share and sent on their way. Delia drove a little supply wagon and had the kids tucked in there as well. Everyone else besides them and me was on a horse. I suppose I could have hopped up in the wagon too but I wasn’t invited and preferred to go my own way anyway.

I would start paying for that excess of pride as the sun came up. I’d managed to fill my canteen but not my belly. I was also exhausted. I tried to stay alert but it was getting hard. I heard a whispered, “Rocky, you OK?”

I looked up to find Evans had maneuvered his horse up beside me. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t look fine.”

“Wouldn’t know. The mirror has never exactly been my friend. Always shows me what I least want to see.”

“Kid, this isn’t a joke.”

I sighed and looked up at him. “I’ll be fine. Really. I don’t think I’m even hungry any more. Just … no more scenes. I hate drama. It’s so useless.”

He wasn’t satisfied. “Yeah, well maybe you’ll get drama whether you want it or no. Them kids are pestering Delia and anyone that’ll listen near to death. Thor looks like he’s about to fall out of the saddle and him and Chuckri have had words.”

“Aw geez. And people complain about me being young. Sounds like everybody else is who needs to grow up. I’ll go make sure that Mickey doesn’t fall out of the wagon. He could be a wiggle worm when I was pulling them in the pony cart.”

We would have made better time if we had cut straight through Topeka but we wanted to avoid all of the militia patrols we could so we detoured around the city using a southern route. If we’d planned better we could have avoided half the stopping we did that day. I finally did get something to eat about mid-morning but it was just some rolls and a wedge of cheese I bought off a farmer. I offered some to Evans but he just said, “Eat it Kid. I’m chewing on some wheat and that’s about all my jaw wants right now.”

Remembering that family with the pile of wheat and not knowing what to do with it besides boil it I said, “Reckon they’d let me pop some wheat for the kids later if I got it soaking now?”

“You start popping wheat and it won’t just be the kids who’ll want some. My Mam used to do that when we didn’t have much else ter eat. How do you know about it? Haven’t heard of anyone doing it for years.”

“My great grandmother was alive until I was a sophomore in highschool and her daughter, my grandmother, was too; they only died a couple of months apart. They lived in a cabin on the other side of the yard lot from the big house. I never knew them to cook except from scratch. Mom did too mostly but she liked her modern conveniences when Dad could afford them. It was my job to help Mawmaw and Granny get their house cleaned up on Saturday before the Sabbath. They’d always have some kind of treat for me to eat afterwards … popped wheat, popcorn, ginger snaps, tea biscuits full of dried fruit. It’s a wonder I’m not as big as a house the way they fed me.” I smiled thinking of my memories.

“Mmmm. Biscuits. I ain’t had me a good biscuit in years. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve eaten some good food while we were out working but biscuits are particular; they need a light but strong hand … about like children. When we were over in Turkey a couple of years ago I had these rings of bread called Simits or summut like that. Couldn’t understand half of what them folks said. You’d get ‘em off of street vendors and fill ‘em full of jam or honey. Lordy them was good. Hey Montgomery! You remember that time you …” He was off and running, dredging up things to draw the other men into conversation. I noticed after he started they seemed to lose the mullygrubs that they’d been holding onto.

I stepped over to the wagon and grabbed Mickey before he nearly fell out head first again. “What did I tell you about minding? You’re gonna get in trouble and it is gonna be your own fault.”

“I’m bored,” he whined.

“If I’d been dumb enough to say that when my granny was around she would have told me ‘Come here Rocky and I’ll give you a board across your backside and then find you something to tie up your time plenty.’ Now stop being such a pain. It’s not nice for you to be mean to folks because they’re trying to take care of you and get you some place you can call home.”

“But I’m bored. It was fun when you pulled us in the pony cart. Do it again.”

“Demanding little monster aren’t you? We’ll see how you behave for the rest of the day and then maybe tomorrow we’ll see whether I’m up to totin’ you around for a little while; get you out of everybody’s hair. But only if you start behaving. And you better say sorry to Delia. If she wasn’t driving the wagon you’d be walking right now and I remember you weren’t partial to that either.”

He continued to pout when I put him back in the wagon but at least he’d stopped making a nuisance of himself. And once he’d calmed down Trish did as well and before too long both of them curled up in the back of the wagon and went to sleep.

“You like kids don’t you.”

Delia’s statement caught me off guard. “Well, sure. What’s not to like. They’re messy, smelly, noisy, cause trouble, and … oh wait, you said kids. Thought you were talking about the men.”

I could have kicked myself. Being female one minute and playing at being male the next wasn’t as easy as I tried to pretend it was. Lucky for me Delia didn’t seem to notice what I’d really meant because she just laughed and let me off the hook.

There was a blind bend in the road so I ran up to see what was around the corner before the rest got there. The heat of the day wasn’t too bad but I could feel the sweat caused by the heavy pack on my back dripping down into the waist of my jeans. So it was with some relief that I spotted what looked like a cistern off behind an old store. I signaled and Thor rode up while the others held back.

“Roads kinda narrow where these buildings crowd in but it doesn’t look like anyone’s home. Even the Dollar General has been ransacked. But you see that tank over there? Does that look like a cistern to you?”

“Yeah it does,” he agreed. “If it is Richards can test the water and we’ll fill up.”

I was about to go forward and check things out some more when Thor asked, “Didja eat?”

I looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “You saw me. I wasn’t the only one to buy from the farmer’s wife.”

“Yeah … well … about … Rochelle I didn’t …”

“Rocky.” The look I gave him made him sigh.

“Rochelle. It went too far. I was in and out of it yesterday. I … I didn’t mean …”

I couldn’t believe it. I think he was actually trying to apologize. Suddenly it just didn’t seem important any more. I also knew that it was in everybody’s best interest to let it go. Out in the brave new world you could get dead real fast. Having everyone cranking and angry could have unintended consequences and I didn’t want to be the cause of anything else bad happening.

“Forget it. It’s done and over with.”

“You sure?”

“What? You want it written in blood? Just let it go. We’ve got more important things to worry about I guess.”

This time he didn’t stop me as I left to explore forward. What I had found by the time the others had arrived was that there were some seriously sick people in this world.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Chapter 25

Evans was the first one to spot me puking in the bushes. “Hey! Hey Kid, didja et something bad?”

All I could do was shake my head while I tried to catch my breath through my acid ravaged throat. I caught Delia letting the kids down out of the wagon and all I could do was point and try and make a shooing motion to put them back into the wagon.

Thor, unusually perceptive, asked, “Where?” I had half expected him to think I just didn’t want the kids to see me being sick.

I pointed towards the building I’d run out of. It took me a few minutes but I finally got everything back under control by the time Thor came out of the building too, breathing heavy and then hawking a glob up and spitting it out in the dried up flower bed beside the door. He walked over and told Chuckri, “Don’t let the kids out of your sight and don’t let ‘em go in any building. Matter of fact don’t let ‘em on this side of the road at all. Tell ‘em I said either they do what they’re told or they can sit in the wagon the entire time.”

Chuckri nodded with obvious understanding. “How bad?”

Rather than answer verbally he made a disgusted face and then looked at me and asked, “You OK?”

In return I asked him, “Did you see the two in the back or only the one in the front? It … they …” I had to stop and I was glad that apparently even young men can get shook up at the sight I’d seen because Chuckri patted my shoulder before going over to Delia and the kids.

Thor turned to Evans, “Take Rocky over to that bench. Make sure the Kid stays put for a few.”

Evans wouldn’t take no for an answer but as I wasn’t opposed to sitting there wasn’t an argument. I shuddered trying to get control of the pictures running through my head. I must have been sitting there longer than I thought because Thor’s voice startled me.

“You ready to talk?”

I looked up and saw he’d already explained to Evans what was in the building. “Now do either of you wonder why I chose to do what I did?” I asked feeling haunted and dirty at the same time.

Evans shook his head and said with more understanding that I’d expected, “Take it easy Kid. The first time is always the roughest. On the other hand, the day it gets easy to see things like whot you seen … that’s the day you run screaming into the oncoming headlights. You gonna be OK or you want some more time?”

“No … I’ll … I’ll get up and help. It was the little one that did me in. She wasn’t much bigger than Trish.” I shuddered again and then jumped when Alfonso ran out of the building to bend over heaving.

Before I could ask Thor said, “See? Doesn’t matter how many times you see it sometimes it will still hit you bad; especially if there is a kid involved. We’re building a pyre. There’s no way we can take the time to bury ‘em but … but I won’t just leave them like that. None of us will.”

I was shaking, reminding myself as much as telling them, “They’re not there, only their bodies are. Whoever did this may have left them to be prisoners of what happened to them but they’re freer than the monster will ever be.”

Thor looked concerned at what must have seemed like rambling to him but Evans knew what I meant. “That’s right Kid. You just keeping knowing that; this life or the next he’ll reap what’s coming to him and then some.”

“Already has,” said a slow and scratchy voice.

We all jumped and grabbed for our guns. A man that was more sundried than Evans stood there confidently at ease despite startling several armed men, holding his rifle and wearing a US Marshall badge on a leather vest.

“Names Cochran. I’m what passes for justice around here these days. You say there’s three women in that building over there?”

Thor looked closely at the badge before saying, “Two young ones, hard to tell if they were old enough to be called women yet or not, then a … young girl either small for her age or …”

The man asked, “Red hair, medium length? Had on a yeller t-shirt and jeans.”

I closed my eyes briefly, “Yeah.” And that’s all I was going to say; I wouldn’t desecrate that poor kid’s memory by repeating what I’d seen … and what I hadn’t.

A spasm of pain crossed the man’s face. “Susie Dell, She was the youngest of ‘em as far as we know.”

Turning back to Thor he said, “As you pass through you might run into some folks that want to hurry you along. Don’t be too hard on ‘em. After what this area has been through I’d be surprised if people weren’t like that. It started before the power went off. Two girls went missing from the lake. Then another went missing from the bus stop. When the power went out it got worse. One a month then a couple a month and then somebody’d go missing almost every week. Sometimes we’d find the bodies, sometimes not. I was sent here to investigate the first three disappearances and then stayed on when folks asked me to. Finally got the evidence against a man no one had suspected when somebody saw him taking Susie. When we got to his place it was full of … well enough evidence to have put him away in the before time for life and plenty enough to get him hanged these days. Guy was a real perv and the way this big boy here is jittering I’d say that the scene is probably as bad as the other ones we discovered.”

When Cochran saw Trish and Mickey he said, “’Bout a mile up the road you’re gonna want those two over there to shut their eyes. We strung him up day and a half ago and the birds have been at him. I’ll notify the families, better for them not to see the condition of the bodies anyway. Let me confirm their identities and then I’ll stand witness to the cremation and give you a paper to clear ya in case there are any questions.”

I kept telling myself that those girls were gone, in a better place. I’d leave the rest of it in God’s hands ‘cause mine were too shaky for the job. But I did insist on helping to complete the pyres and then dump dirt on the fires to make sure they were out and wouldn’t escape the building. Everyone’s thoughts were dark as we finally left that place and headed to where we planned to camp, a place called Clinton State Park.

The place was abandoned but I didn’t understand why. There were the remnants of tents and RVs all over the place. Most of them still had bits and pieces of things that were useful enough that we added them to our own gear or replaced something that was wearing out. I grabbed the tail end of several rolls of TP, a roll of plastic wrap, some salvaged aluminum foil, Ziploc bags, and even a few food items. While the others took care of the horses, fixed dinner, or whatever chore they had been assigned, Evans and I divvied up the more valuable goodies that were found. There were towels and linens and things like that as well. And nearly every little bathroom had dribs and drabs of hygiene items and first aid supplies. I gathered all of the spices and such as we went and then handed them to Delia to add to the food supplies although I’m not ashamed to say that Evans and I made sure we had our own supply of everything we found.

One RV had obviously belong to a family and when I saw the pictures of the kids hung on the frig it hit me hard. I walked back to the little bathroom cubicle, slid the door shut, and then sat on the floor of the show and cried as silently as I could.

I was too old to still believe in fairy tales but I realized I wanted all of this to be a bad dream. A small part of me thought if I could just hold on long enough things would right themselves and the last several months would erased. I’d get home and Dad and Mom … but finding those three girls did nothing but make me right. It wasn’t a game. I wasn’t just playing dress up. There were bad men out there and my world would never be the same. I still wanted to go home but I finally admitted that it was mostly so I could mourn in piece and not have to worry about someone finding out who and what I was.

I walked out of that bathroom stripped of just a little more of my innocence. It had been a innocence based on fantasy but I still hurt like my skinned had been stripped raw. But I was also more determined than ever to stay the course. But I was also determined to start being more smart about it. I found a steno pad in the rangers’ office and started making notes of all that I would need and need to do when I got home and made a list of things that I’d need to start collecting along the way if I could figure out a way to haul them.

Towards sundown we found out why no one would really want to try and build a full time retreat there. Mosquitoes the size of a city bus, nasty little blood suckers too.

Dinner was a miserable affair and the kids were quickly whimpering. Chuckri commandeered one of the travel trailers and put his little family in there for safe keeping and comfort. The kids slowly settled down and then fell asleep with Delia to watch over them. I was barely conscious myself by then. In fact I nearly fell asleep in my bowl of rice and beans until I felt both my arms grabbed.

I come to to find Evans on one side of me and Thor on the other. “What’re y’all doin’?!”

“You’re about to go face first into your food Kid. We’ve moved a couple of the smaller trailers in a ring with the wagon, put the horses in the middle, and we’ll take turns on watch.”

Trying to figure out how much sleep I would be able to squeeze in while I tried to stop them from dragging me like a rag doll I asked, “Who’s on guard?”

“You’re not,” Thor said.

“Hey, just because I … this afternoon …”

Thor just ignored me. “Evans, get Rocky inside. You and Alfonso can take the first watch. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I was inside and slapping at the bugs that had come in with me. “Evans, I’m not helpless or …”

“Fragile … yeah Kid. I get that. But I … well … if you want my advice you might want to give Thor a chance to explain and let the rest of ‘em pay a little penance for what you went through by taking your turn at guard duty. Thor and Chuckri, they’re good uns, but everybody makes mistakes. And from what Montgomery told me … well, you just give him a chance. Just don’t make it too easy on him. He deserves to wallow a bit for this.”

I was in no mood to put up with his version of a riddle. I tossed my bed roll out on the musty flooring and then laid down before I fell down, my mosquito flavored food forgotten once again. Sometime later I was vaguely aware of the door opening and closing and all I could think was Evans better not bring anymore in with him.

“Rochelle.”

I jumped at the whisper that sounded like it was as close to my ear as the last mosquito I had killed had been.

“Will you stop that! I’ve told you to call me Rocky. People are going to overhear you.” I told Thor angrily.

“They won’t if you keep your voice down.”

“My voice is down. What do you want?” I was tired and cranky and in no mood to be messed with.

“I want to explain.”

“Explain what?” I grumped wanting to go back to sleep.

“I didn’t mean for it to go the way it did. One, I didn’t know that you’d already taken a watch on the roof and had been up there for a while. You were supposed to come down and then … well, never mind. But I fell asleep and then Richards … and the guy that was supposed to relieve you went AWOL … then when I come to and finally do get somebody up there you didn’t come inside. I was going to hassle you a little and then we’d all laugh over a bowl of soupl. No one realized they’d run out of dinner.” I could feel him shaking his head in the dark. “Worst comedy of errors I’ve been a part of in a long time. It … I … I should have checked on things. Chuckri should have checked on you too. He and the other men thought I knew what was going on and wanted it that way. When you didn’t complain they assumed it was some kind of @#$%&@# contest we were in.”

Tiredly I said, “I thought I told you to forget it.”

“Yeah. That’s the thing. I can’t. It’s been a long time since I’ve made a mistake like that. I felt like an idiot and worse. Evans and Richards are both correct. I … I need to make this right. And no, not because they say so. And before you get bent out of shape it doesn’t have anything to do with you being female … at least not much. And … and I didn’t want you thinking that it had anything to do with the other either. That was a chuckleheaded thing to think … but I … I guess I can see why you would after what happened. Chuckri … belatedly like it was no big deal if you can believe that … told me about those two green freaks. It was one of the reasons I got worried when you couldn’t be found.”

At the light question in his voice I told him, “I was walking off my mad and looking for something to eat. Then the rain drove me to find shelter and I … I was just tired and went to sleep.”

“And I’m keeping you awake again.” He sighed. “Are we … are we square?”

“I told you I’d already let it go. Things are too crazy to let this kind of stuff fester. It’s not your fault I just don’t fit anywhere.”

I was nearly asleep when he asked, “So you still plan on going home? How far away is it still?”

“Too far for you to be worried about how I’m going to get there. You’re not responsible for me, I’m responsible for me. Cheer up, you won’t have to put up with me messing up the mix for much longer. As soon as …” I yawned. “As soon as I see the kids settled …”

“You’ll take off.”

“Yeah.”

“Just like that.”

“I won’t run out without saying goodbye if that’s what you’re saying; at least I don’t plan to. Home is where I belong Thor. Once I get near the Smokies I’ll be able to live off the land better ‘cause I know the plants and the habits of the animals there. I know the turning of the seasons and I know the weather signs.”

“And until then? Not to mention what if your home isn’t there when you get there.”

“Until then I’ll put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can. And if my house isn’t there for some reason I’ve been thinking of a few options. It would be hard to believe that anyone other than family would be able to find the place though. We’re a fair piece into the sticks. Not even the revenuers ever found the place. We always had to cart things in and out to get it fixed and that sort of thing, assuming we couldn’t do it ourselves. And …”

I can’t remember what I was going to say because the next thing I remember is waking up at the quiet knock on the door. I sat up and saw that Thor and Evans were both awake as well. It was the start of another day.

 

[Dosadi]

Thank you for this story. While it isn't always my way to enjoy post appocalypse fiction romance, your writing style always seems to suck me in.

I have been enjoying reading all of the older ones, and eventually I'll go over to your site and see what I may have missed.

Things been kinda busy around here lately, and I find looking forward to reading something you wrote ties up some of my worry time. That is a good thing.

D.