1354 pages in word, 12 font, 618490 words and in standard 300 word per page novel format, 2062 pages.
No, it's not over. Part five inbound soon. I can't do this without you all with me.
One is in final editing, two is being reworked some , three and four are next in line.
Some of the reworking process you have seen elsewhere.
Like - the original scene
“You worried me some when you went walking back there with the bottle of Scotch, Mom.” Emilia said as she helped her putting stuff into their Suburban.
“Nothing to worry about. I was the one pouring so I didn’t get too much.” Heidi said.
They were packing most of their things into the Suburban Garen and Bekka gave them at Christmas. Once Garen and Kara were back, Doug, Emilia and Heidi planned to go back to the cabin for a while. Emilia and Heidi had a lot of medical studying to do. They had Doug to help answer questions and if they were stumped, Sabine would be right around the corner or they could come back over to Garen if Sabine didn’t know the answer for them.
Heidi was a bit nervous and it showed. Emilia finally called her out on it.
“What’s got you going enough you cracked out the Scotch?” Emilia figured to ask her a different way.
“The Scotch wasn’t for me. It was for Angelique.” Heidi deflected, she hoped.
“So, just a little post-mission belt? I don’t remember one of those after the trip to the main ranger station.”
Heidi stopped, a bag still in her hands halfway into the SUV.
“Do you remember when you told me you wanted to be more like Angelique?”
Emilia was momentarily stunned by the sharp right turn the conversation took.
“Yeah?”
“Well, did you ever think about what it’s like on the other end of that? Someone looking up to you, putting you on a pedestal? Thinking you were perfect?”
“I…No?”
“What if I told you last year you would be doing CPR on someone for half an hour? Literally holding his life in your hands and then told you Ruby worshiped you and wanted to be just like you?”
“Well, I…” Emilia didn’t know what to say. No need though, her mother was on a roll.
“With as much as Angelique has gone through, all of the hardships and training, she did what she did because she didn’t see any other way. Like when you started CPR on Doug. There was no other way. You had to do it, or just let him die. Well, Angelique did what she saw as the only way to save Zed. In her mind, it was the only option.”
Heidi saw Emilia was still struggling with the connection.
“Remember what you felt when you found my medal write–up?”
“Yeah, I thought it was badass!”
“And what else?”
“I thought you could do anything?” Emilia hemmed and hawed, unsure of what answer her mom was looking for.
“Exactly. And that’s the problem. I can’t tell you how I did it. You even asked me that night after we saved Doug. I still don’t know. What I do know is everyone who was there or heard the story expected and expects me to be able to do something like that again. Even you, the one who has seen me at my worst. Horrible leader, lousy mother, crappy daughter, but I have to ‘be the hero’ and when I don’t live up to someone else’s image of what I am supposed to be for them, it kills a little piece of me.”
Emilia wasn’t used to seeing this side of her mother.
“You’re not a crappy mom!” Emilia lashed out.
“Bullshit! You obviously are glossing over your younger years.” Heidi chuckled. “The lean years when there was enough room for you to play in the kitchen cupboards because all the food in the house fit in one cupboard, or the drunken rages where I almost wrecked the whole house, or when money so tight I had to dance at a strip club to avoid the house and car both being repossessed in the same month!” Heidi caught herself too late. She hadn’t meant to blurt that last bit out.
“Mother of the year material, huh. Hardly.” Heidi said after a moment.
“Mom, I never went hungry, you never hit me, and I always knew you loved me. A lot of kids I went to school with didn’t have all that. Hell, many didn’t have any of that. That’s what made you a great mom.”
They both stood there for a moment, silent. Emilia spoke again.
“So, what does this have to do with Angelique and the Scotch?”
“I was trying to explain to her, warn her others might have unreasonable expectations of her now and I offered to be someone to talk to who understood and has been there. She is going to have a rough road ahead. She has to figure out what it means to her and get comfortable with the new ‘her’ and…….Hell I don’t know what I was trying to do or even what I’m trying to explain to you now. I guess I was just trying to be a friend who knows what she is going through to some extent.”
Emilia knew her mom was trying really hard. This was the most she had ever heard her talk about such things. Her mother’s viewpoint on her parenting skills and history in general wasn’t news to her, but the extent of it was. Time to lighten the mood, she thought.
“Oh, I thought you were giving her dancing tips.” Emilia said with a grin. She wasn’t quite prepared for the reaction it got form her mother.
Heidi turned bright red from a combination of anger and embarrassment.
“Don’t ever mention that I did that again, especially to Doug!” She said, her voice halfway between yelling and pleading. Heidi got ahold of herself before continuing.
“I only did it once. I…they were going to take the car and the house. I was so ashamed then and even to this day. I let it get so bad, so out of control. My whole life I’ve been falsely accused of using my looks to get things and I never did; not for promotions, favors, anything. Except that one weekend. Please don’t tell anyone.”
Emilia could see how much it affected her mother. She was sorry she had teased her about it.
“It’s ok, Mom. It’s just between us. Besides, with as good as you look…” She stopped talking as Heidi started shaking her head.
“Don’t go down that road, my sweet daughter. Please don’t fall into that trap. Using looks to get ahead is wrong on so many levels. And you look almost exactly like I did at your age. That’s why I sometimes worry about you and Brody. You may have snared him with your looks but I hope you two care for each other more than just on the surface.”
“We do. We are friends….maybe even a little more than just friends...” Now it was Emilia’s time to be a bit embarrassed and shy.
“You be careful and let me know when it’s time. I have a great little convent in Russia already picked out.” Heidi said, her grin returning.
“Do they have two rooms or are you and Doug going to be OK? Do I need to stay here a week or so longer so you guys can adjust without the third wheel?” Emilia asked, an honest question. She liked the idea of her mom and Doug together and wanted to do everything possible to help.
Heidi stopped and thought.
“Honestly, I don’t know if it would be better or worse without you there. It would probably be better with you there in case I freak out, you can pull me back down from the rafters.”
“Well, you think about it and let me know. I can always stick around here a couple days. There is plenty to learn and do.”
“I’ll let you know. Now, let’s get this thing loaded so we can get some dinner.”
And the scene as it sits now in the manuscript
“You worried me some when you went walking back there with the bottle of Scotch, Mom.” Emilia said as she cornered her mom going toward the garage.
“Nothing to worry about. I was the one pouring so I didn’t do much drinking.” Heidi said, trying to ease Emilia’s concerns.
“Come on we need to get the Suburban packed so we can get back to the cabin. We can leave after Garen gets back. It’s time. We got studying to do. We need to get our focus back on our life.”
Doug, Heidi and Emilia had discussed this earlier. They figured Doug would be there to help with the studying while they got they lives back together. Sabine would be right around the corner if they really got stumped on something. They would periodically return to Garen’s so if Sabine didn’t know the answer, they would make notes about what they were having problems with. They could always go earlier to get answers to their questions. Emilia could sneak in a visit to Brody that way.
Heidi was a bit nervous and it showed. Emilia was jealous of the time Heidi was spending with Angelique but when she thought about it, she convinced herself she was more worried about her taking the Scotch. It had been a while since she seen her drink the hard stuff other than that day at the cabin. It concerned her the other night when she saw her mother walk away with the bottle. She knew she had to say something and now was as good time as any. With all the people around, who knew when they would be alone again? It took a minute to work up the courage and put the jealousy aside but Emilia finally called her out on it.
“What’s got you going enough you cracked out the Scotch?” Emilia figured to ask her a different way hoping to disarm the situation and keep her mom from getting defensive. Unfortunately, her drinking was a sensitive issue with Heidi and Emilia knew it.
Emelia hoped to make this a chess match.
“The Scotch wasn’t for me. It was for Angelique.” Heidi deflected, she hoped.
“So, just a little post-mission belt? Was it to celebrate? I don’t remember us having one of those after the trip to the main ranger station.”
Heidi stopped, a bag still in her hands halfway into the SUV, trying to control her anger and think before she spoke.
“Do you remember when you told me you wanted to be more like Angelique?”
Emilia was momentarily stunned by the sharp right turn the conversation took. Unfortunately Emelia was reminded her mother was still the better chess player.
“Yeah?”
“Well, did you ever think about what it’s like on the other end of that? Someone looking up to you, putting you on a pedestal? Thinking you were perfect?”
“I…No?” Emilia was dumfounded by her mother’s question.
“What if I told you last year you would be doing CPR on someone for half an hour? Literally holding his life in your hands and then told you Ruby worshiped you and wanted to be just like you?”
“Well, I…” Emilia didn’t know what to say. No need though, her mother was on a roll.
“With as much as Angelique has gone through, all of the hardships and training, she did what she did because she didn’t see any other way. Like when you started CPR on Doug. There was no other way. You had to do it, or just let him die. Well, Angelique did what she saw as the only way to save Zed. In her mind, it was the only option.”
Heidi saw Emilia was still struggling with the connection.
“Remember what you felt when you found my medal write–up?”
“Yeah, I thought it was badass!”
“And what else?”
“I thought you could do anything?” Emilia hemmed and hawed, unsure of what answer her mom was looking for.
“Exactly. And that’s the problem. I can’t tell you how I did it. You even asked me that night after we saved Doug. I still don’t know. What I do know is everyone who was there or heard the story afterward expected and expects me to be able to do something like that again. Even you, the one who has seen me at my worst. Horrible leader, lousy mother, crappy daughter, but I have to ‘be the hero’ and when I don’t live up to someone else’s image of what I am supposed to be for them, it kills a little piece of me. Every single time.”
Emilia wasn’t used to seeing this side of her mother.
“You’re not a crappy mom!” Emilia lashed out.
“Bullshit! You obviously are glossing over your younger years.” Heidi chuckled.
Emilia couldn’t understand why her mother was laughing
“The lean years when there was enough room for you to play in the kitchen cupboards because all the food in the house fit in one cupboard, or the drunken rages where I almost wrecked the whole house, or when money was so tight I had to dance at a strip club to avoid the house and car both being repossessed in the same month!”
Heidi caught herself too late. She hadn’t meant to blurt that last bit out.
“Mother of the year material, huh. Hardly.” Heidi said after a moment.
“Mom, I never went hungry, you never hit me, and I always knew you loved me. A lot of kids I went to school with didn’t have all that. Hell, many didn’t have any of that. That’s what made you a great mom.”
“So what! I had to grow up too fast when dad died and lost my childhood. I had to become the adult when you couldn’t focus or the times you drank too much after all the funerals you attended but damn it! You were always there as much as you could for me! You never put yourself first! It always came back to you and me. It was always Mom and Emilia in the end. You pulled yourself together. You filled the cupboard as much as you could, paid the bills, no matter what you had to do to make it happen. IT WAS JUST YOU AND ME!!! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU LOVED ME!!!” Emilia was fighting tears as she confronted her mother.
They both stood there for a moment, silent. Emilia spoke again. She had her voice mostly under control now and was speaking softly.
“So, what does any of this have to do with Angelique and the Scotch?”
“I was trying to explain to her, warn her others might have unreasonable expectations of her now and I offered to be someone to talk to who understood and has been there. She is going to have a rough road ahead. She has to figure out what it means to her and get comfortable with the new ‘her’ and…….Hell I don’t know what I was trying to do or even what I’m trying to explain to you now. I guess I was just trying to be a friend who knows what she is going through to some extent. She didn’t have someone there to help her through it right after she did it, like you did after Doug’s CPR.”
Emilia knew her mom was trying really hard. This was the most she had ever heard her talk about such things. Her mother’s viewpoint of her, in her mind, poor parenting skills and history in general wasn’t news to her, but the extent of it was. Time to lighten the mood, she thought.
“Oh, I thought you were giving her dancing tips.” Emilia said with a grin. She wasn’t quite prepared for the reaction it got form her mother.
Heidi turned bright red from a combination of anger and embarrassment.
“Don’t ever mention that I did that again, especially to Doug!” She said, her voice halfway between yelling and pleading. Heidi got ahold of herself before continuing.
“I only did it once. I…they were going to take the car and the house. I was so ashamed then and even to this day. I let it get so bad, so out of control. It forced me to do something I swore I would never do. My whole life I’ve been falsely accused of using my looks to get things and I never did; not for promotions, favors, anything. Except that one weekend. Please don’t tell anyone.”
Emilia could see how much it affected her mother. She was sorry she had teased her about it.
“It’s ok, Mom. It’s just between us. Besides, with as good as you look…” She stopped talking as Heidi started shaking her head.
“Don’t go down that road, my sweet daughter. Please don’t fall into that trap. Using looks to get ahead is wrong on so many levels. And you look almost exactly like I did at your age. That’s why I sometimes worry about you and Brody. You may have snared him with your looks but I hope you two care for each other more than just on the surface.”
“We do. We are friends….maybe even a little more than just friends...” Now it was Emilia’s time to be a bit embarrassed and shy.
“You be careful and let me know when it’s time. I have a great little convent in Russia already picked out.” Heidi said, her grin returning.
“Do they have two rooms? Are you and Doug going to be OK? Do I need to stay here a week or so longer so you guys can adjust without the third wheel?” Emilia asked, an honest question.
She liked the idea of her mom and Doug together and wanted to do everything possible to help. She couldn’t figure out why she was not jealous of him but had the new found revelation she was a little jealous of Angelique.
Heidi stopped and thought.
“Honestly, I don’t know if it would be better or worse without you there. It would probably be better with you there in case I freak out, you can pull me back down from the rafters.”
“Well, you think about it and let me know. I can always stick around here a couple days. There is plenty to learn and do.”
“I’ll let you know. Now, let’s get this thing loaded so we can get some dinner.”
So, it gives you an idea of what we are trying to do and clean up and make better.
Opinions?
Now is the time for questions and backing up of hard drives. Get the whiteboards ready, and maybe brush up on part three in preparation for part five.
