PLAY Funny Stuff Found on the Internet - REMINDER: POLITICAL HUMOR IS NOT ALLOWED ON THIS THREAD
- Thread starter packyderms_wife
- Start date
pauldingbabe
The Great Cat
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”
The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theatre.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theatre.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Marge,” whispered Mildred.
“What?” said Marge.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” asked Marge.
“He undid his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”
“I thought so too,” said Mildred, “but this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”
The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theatre.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theatre.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Marge,” whispered Mildred.
“What?” said Marge.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” asked Marge.
“He undid his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”
“I thought so too,” said Mildred, “but this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”
yellowlabz
Veteran Member
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,
'Hello?''Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'
After a brief pause,
Daddy says :
'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now..'
Brief Pause.
'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'
A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.
'I did it, Daddy.'
'And what happened, honey?'
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn't moving at all!'
'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
And into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water
Last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says :
'Swimming pool? ...........
Is this 305-486-5731 ?'
No, I think you have the wrong number.....
352352
'Hello?''Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'
After a brief pause,
Daddy says :
'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now..'
Brief Pause.
'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'
A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.
'I did it, Daddy.'
'And what happened, honey?'
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn't moving at all!'
'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
And into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water
Last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says :
'Swimming pool? ...........
Is this 305-486-5731 ?'
No, I think you have the wrong number.....
352352
Ku Commando
Inactive
AOC is introducing legislation on Monday to outlaw volcanic
eruptions due to their effects on global warming
eruptions due to their effects on global warming
Shooter
Veteran Member
I believe she will actually try to sue the earth to stop the damage it is doing to itself,AOC is introducing legislation on Monday to outlaw volcanic
eruptions due to their effects on global warming
Caplock50
I am the Winter Warrior
I think I know what those 'questions' are, because I think I have those same ones, too.
GWN_guy
Truth Seeker
Meanwhile in Canada someone has gone to the trouble to "fake" a toonie and actually use it to buy stuff:
The coins have:
- walrus instead of a polar bear
- some guy instead of Queen Elizabeth II
- 1990 when the real toonie wasn't minted until 1996
- Z DOLLARD instead of 2 DOLLARS
- P G instead of DG in REGINA
- I-I instead of II in ELIZABETH II
Caplock50
I am the Winter Warrior
Lol...looks like my kitchen...
Caplock50
I am the Winter Warrior
With such 'obvious mistakes', whoever made them can claim it wasn't his fault they accepted them for payment.
SmokeyBear
"Need to Know"
View: https://twitter.com/TPostMillennial/status/1483151874224177157?s=20
LOL. What he said PLUS that black mask worn as a dangling earring. What a damn fool.
LOL. What he said PLUS that black mask worn as a dangling earring. What a damn fool.
