sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Always goo to know there is family somewhere. Does Cor realize he has loved Fel all along and has been an idjit lol? And that Francine was all fluff and self centered and never loved him? Thank you.
Story Fel By the Wayside (Complete)
- Thread starter Kathy in FL
- Start date
223shootersc
Veteran Member
seems Cor is finally waking up, thanks for the chapters
What Jeepcats said, a child doesn't want a toy until it's about to be taken away. Fel has finally proved herself? Fel's been proving it for a long time. Cor comes and sleeps with her every night like she's a security blanket or teddy bear for him.
Cor seems to be the only one on the estate who doesn't realize how badly he's treated Fel and the only one who doesn't know she loves him. Like Echo38 said it's time for Cor to put on his big boy pants.
I hope Fel explodes on him and he finally realizes what a selfish jerk he's been.
What I really do hate is that I fear this story is getting close to the end and I don't want it to be over. More, more and more again. Thanks Kathy.
Cor seems to be the only one on the estate who doesn't realize how badly he's treated Fel and the only one who doesn't know she loves him. Like Echo38 said it's time for Cor to put on his big boy pants.
I hope Fel explodes on him and he finally realizes what a selfish jerk he's been.
What I really do hate is that I fear this story is getting close to the end and I don't want it to be over. More, more and more again. Thanks Kathy.
The same thing happened to me this morning and I was freaking out too. I wasn't worried about world events I just want to find out what happened next with Fel.
goinpostal
Contributing Member
"With a Rebel yell,He cried More,More,More!!"
Thank You Kathy!
Matt
Thank You Kathy!
Matt
Chapter 62
“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”
-----
It had been raining for three days straight. Not a little bit of rain either but the kind that brings to mind stories of Noah and his boat. The gardens were drowning, streams and rivers were flooding, roofs were leaking. The animals were miserable and so were the people. It wasn’t the kind of rain the kids could go out and play in or that men could go out and work in and expect to get anything accomplished. For two days everyone was shut up in their living quarters trying to wait it out except for when they were feeding and otherwise tending to animals.
On the third day it got worse. A nasty bit of wind was added to the rain and people were forced out into the storm whether they wanted to go or not. Shingles had to be nailed back down. Items that were getting blown around had to be brought in or secured in some way. Chimneys had to be capped to keep the rain from coming down and into the house in rivulets. It was a right huge mess.
The first two nights of the rain Cor came to the cabin as usual. He was soaking wet but the look on his face that first night dared me to say a word so all I did was help him to hang his clothes in front of the fire then tried not to tell him off when he shivered half the night with a fever. The next night he came prepared wearing a poncho and with dry clothes in an oilcloth bag. But the day the wind arrived he was called away in an emergency near dinner time when a barn used to house some estate equipment collapsed on one side and I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him that evening. I stayed awake half the night wondering if the looby had taken a rain slicker. Being unable to sleep was the likely the only thing that saved me.
In the middle of the night the rain stopped but the wind increased dramatically. The whistling of it through the trees finally drew enough of my attention that I grew concerned. I got out of bed with the intention of going to the door to check to see just how bad it was and if I needed to move to the cellar when there was a mighty crack and my world went dark.
It was still dark, both figuratively and literally, when I heard him calling.
“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”
“I … I think … I think I’m stuck!”
There was a moment of silence then an urgent, “Fel?! Are you hurt?!!”
From beneath what I found out was part of the cabin roof I told him, “I … don’t think so. But … but I *cough, cough* smell smoke. *cough*”
I heard a fury of snapping and breaking and then Jonah’s voice, “Is she still in there?
“She said she smelled smoke!” Then I heard some more noise and then Cor called, “Boy, stay out of the wa … what are you doing?! Get out of there!”
I must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing I remember was Topher saying, “The fire was starting to smolder Mister Cor. Some clothes got knocked into it. I can just barely see her, it’s as dark as the belly of a black cat in there. She’s under rafters over near the bed.”
“Not on the bed?” Cor asked urgently.
“Naw sir. Beside it, but on the floor.”
I didn’t hear anything after that for a while until I could hear Lollie ordering someone about with directions how to put me on a door and carry me to the house and to, for the love of God, not be so ham-fisted as to bump me around.
“I don’t need to be carried. I can walk.” I had meant for my voice to come out stronger than that but drawing a breath hurt more than it should have.
Cor snapped at someone about being careful and then leaned over me and said forcefully, “You’ll let yourself be carried and not make a fuss about it Mistress Fel. We’ve been half the night and the rest of the morning reaching you and you’ll give us the satisfaction of treating you as we see fit before we lose what bit of sanity we have left.”
I was wondering what he was overreacting for but then bobbled off into the dark again to the sound of Cor’s creative descriptions of what would happen to anyone that jostled the door again.
I finally came all the way awake when I felt my night clothes being taken from me. Lollie and Winnie held me still and Winnie said, “Easy Dear, we’re just getting you out of these wet things so Lollie can check your ribs. Now don’t fuss and let us do this quickly. Cor is on the other side of the screen and about ready to chew the paneling off the walls.”
Groggily I asked, “What’s all the fuss about?”
Cor must have been listening because he snapped, “Fuss? Fuss?! The flaming cabin fell on you that’s what the fuss is all about!! If you had been on the bed rather than beside it …” He sputtered to a stop, gobbling like a turkey.
I made a face then remembered he couldn’t see it. I sighed. “The wind started making some odd noise so I got up to … to …” Then what he said struck me and I yelped, “What do you mean the cabin fell on me?! What happened to the cabin?! Stop Lollie I need to get up … I need …”
That was too much for Cor’s equanimity. The screen was moved with a crash and before I knew it I was being wrapped up in a quilt and carried out of the parlor where I had been lying and up the stairs. As he pounded up the stairs in a royal snit he said, “You’re not going anywhere, not a dem place,” he growled. “You …” He stopped to clear his throat and I suspect that is when he realized he’d just seen me naked because he stumbled on the last stair before the landing; but then he shook himself and continued on.
“Jonah must have lost the last few hairs the top of his head could still lay claim to. Topher was driving us all mad with his frantic scrambling in and out of the rubble. We had most of the village tromping all over the yard and threatening to help if we didn’t hurry up and get you out in one piece.”
He’d been progressively holding me tighter and tighter until I finally had to tell him, “Let me go or finish squeezing me to death will you … this inbetween stage is starting to get downright uncomfortable.”
“Huh?”
Lollie and Winnie who had followed him up said, “You’re holding her too tight, let the girl breath for heaven’s sake.”
“Oh! Wait … did I hurt you? Here let me loo … uh …”
I patted his shoulder and told him. “I’ll take it from here. You’d better go tell everyone I’m fine before they start tromping through the house and giving Mrs. Wiley palpitations. And then come back and tell me what’s wrong with the cabin and what I’ll need to do to fix it,” I ordered.
He opened his mouth to say something but I caught Winnie shake her head. “What?” I asked.
“We’ll talk about it later Dear.”
“Oh no we won’t. We’ll talk about it right now. I … OUCH!”
I would have continued but Lollie had decided the best way to deal with me was to start poking and prodding and discovering every bruise I had on my body. By the time she was finished I was exhausted but still determined to find out what was going on. They had left thinking I was too weak to get out of bed but they were wrong. I was trying to rig some clothes for myself when Cor knocked quietly then entered with a bundle under his arms.
“They don’t know you very well do they?” he asked.
I wrapped the blanket around myself tighter and said, “Apparently not.”
He shook his head and said, “I brought your clothes. Uh … I’ll step out or … if … uh … I can just turn my back.”
I sighed. “Turn you back … and no peeking. If you go out they’ll just wonder what I’m up to. And remember I said no peeking.”
He slowly turned his back and I heard him mutter where I wasn’t supposed to hear him, “Stop saying it and I wouldn’t be tempted to.”
His words should have caught my attention but they didn’t because the only clothes he had brought me was another night gown and a wad of my underthings. “Hey!”
“I know Fel, I know,” he said. “But Lollie says your ribs are bruised. And to be honest it isn’t worth you going down there right now. It is starting to rain again and … and it is a mess. We’re getting out what we can but we have to be careful not to bring the walls down.”
That brought me up short and as I finished dressing and tapped him on the shoulder I asked quietly, “Just how bad is it?”
Turning slowly he said, “Bad. It’s … it’s repairable but it is going to take some time. A tree washed out near your creek and when the wind got into the top that was already heavier than usual from all the rain, it just toppled.” He got upset and finally choked out, “One of the main ceiling beams came down right on the bed. If you’d been in it …”
I saw he was really upset and told him bracingly, “Well I wasn’t.”
“Almost,” he said.
“Almost only counts in horseshoes and …”
He finished, “… and fire pots. Yeah. But you could have been …”
“But I wasn’t.”
“But you could have been.”
I shook my head, “But I wasn’t so just stop worrying it to pieces. And neither were you so unless you want me to make a fuss about that just let it go.” I turned away to look out the window of the bedroom I was in and saw that it was raining just as he’d said. I leaned my head on the glass pane and asked myself more than him, “Now what am I going to do?”
“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”
-----
It had been raining for three days straight. Not a little bit of rain either but the kind that brings to mind stories of Noah and his boat. The gardens were drowning, streams and rivers were flooding, roofs were leaking. The animals were miserable and so were the people. It wasn’t the kind of rain the kids could go out and play in or that men could go out and work in and expect to get anything accomplished. For two days everyone was shut up in their living quarters trying to wait it out except for when they were feeding and otherwise tending to animals.
On the third day it got worse. A nasty bit of wind was added to the rain and people were forced out into the storm whether they wanted to go or not. Shingles had to be nailed back down. Items that were getting blown around had to be brought in or secured in some way. Chimneys had to be capped to keep the rain from coming down and into the house in rivulets. It was a right huge mess.
The first two nights of the rain Cor came to the cabin as usual. He was soaking wet but the look on his face that first night dared me to say a word so all I did was help him to hang his clothes in front of the fire then tried not to tell him off when he shivered half the night with a fever. The next night he came prepared wearing a poncho and with dry clothes in an oilcloth bag. But the day the wind arrived he was called away in an emergency near dinner time when a barn used to house some estate equipment collapsed on one side and I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him that evening. I stayed awake half the night wondering if the looby had taken a rain slicker. Being unable to sleep was the likely the only thing that saved me.
In the middle of the night the rain stopped but the wind increased dramatically. The whistling of it through the trees finally drew enough of my attention that I grew concerned. I got out of bed with the intention of going to the door to check to see just how bad it was and if I needed to move to the cellar when there was a mighty crack and my world went dark.
It was still dark, both figuratively and literally, when I heard him calling.
“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”
“I … I think … I think I’m stuck!”
There was a moment of silence then an urgent, “Fel?! Are you hurt?!!”
From beneath what I found out was part of the cabin roof I told him, “I … don’t think so. But … but I *cough, cough* smell smoke. *cough*”
I heard a fury of snapping and breaking and then Jonah’s voice, “Is she still in there?
“She said she smelled smoke!” Then I heard some more noise and then Cor called, “Boy, stay out of the wa … what are you doing?! Get out of there!”
I must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing I remember was Topher saying, “The fire was starting to smolder Mister Cor. Some clothes got knocked into it. I can just barely see her, it’s as dark as the belly of a black cat in there. She’s under rafters over near the bed.”
“Not on the bed?” Cor asked urgently.
“Naw sir. Beside it, but on the floor.”
I didn’t hear anything after that for a while until I could hear Lollie ordering someone about with directions how to put me on a door and carry me to the house and to, for the love of God, not be so ham-fisted as to bump me around.
“I don’t need to be carried. I can walk.” I had meant for my voice to come out stronger than that but drawing a breath hurt more than it should have.
Cor snapped at someone about being careful and then leaned over me and said forcefully, “You’ll let yourself be carried and not make a fuss about it Mistress Fel. We’ve been half the night and the rest of the morning reaching you and you’ll give us the satisfaction of treating you as we see fit before we lose what bit of sanity we have left.”
I was wondering what he was overreacting for but then bobbled off into the dark again to the sound of Cor’s creative descriptions of what would happen to anyone that jostled the door again.
I finally came all the way awake when I felt my night clothes being taken from me. Lollie and Winnie held me still and Winnie said, “Easy Dear, we’re just getting you out of these wet things so Lollie can check your ribs. Now don’t fuss and let us do this quickly. Cor is on the other side of the screen and about ready to chew the paneling off the walls.”
Groggily I asked, “What’s all the fuss about?”
Cor must have been listening because he snapped, “Fuss? Fuss?! The flaming cabin fell on you that’s what the fuss is all about!! If you had been on the bed rather than beside it …” He sputtered to a stop, gobbling like a turkey.
I made a face then remembered he couldn’t see it. I sighed. “The wind started making some odd noise so I got up to … to …” Then what he said struck me and I yelped, “What do you mean the cabin fell on me?! What happened to the cabin?! Stop Lollie I need to get up … I need …”
That was too much for Cor’s equanimity. The screen was moved with a crash and before I knew it I was being wrapped up in a quilt and carried out of the parlor where I had been lying and up the stairs. As he pounded up the stairs in a royal snit he said, “You’re not going anywhere, not a dem place,” he growled. “You …” He stopped to clear his throat and I suspect that is when he realized he’d just seen me naked because he stumbled on the last stair before the landing; but then he shook himself and continued on.
“Jonah must have lost the last few hairs the top of his head could still lay claim to. Topher was driving us all mad with his frantic scrambling in and out of the rubble. We had most of the village tromping all over the yard and threatening to help if we didn’t hurry up and get you out in one piece.”
He’d been progressively holding me tighter and tighter until I finally had to tell him, “Let me go or finish squeezing me to death will you … this inbetween stage is starting to get downright uncomfortable.”
“Huh?”
Lollie and Winnie who had followed him up said, “You’re holding her too tight, let the girl breath for heaven’s sake.”
“Oh! Wait … did I hurt you? Here let me loo … uh …”
I patted his shoulder and told him. “I’ll take it from here. You’d better go tell everyone I’m fine before they start tromping through the house and giving Mrs. Wiley palpitations. And then come back and tell me what’s wrong with the cabin and what I’ll need to do to fix it,” I ordered.
He opened his mouth to say something but I caught Winnie shake her head. “What?” I asked.
“We’ll talk about it later Dear.”
“Oh no we won’t. We’ll talk about it right now. I … OUCH!”
I would have continued but Lollie had decided the best way to deal with me was to start poking and prodding and discovering every bruise I had on my body. By the time she was finished I was exhausted but still determined to find out what was going on. They had left thinking I was too weak to get out of bed but they were wrong. I was trying to rig some clothes for myself when Cor knocked quietly then entered with a bundle under his arms.
“They don’t know you very well do they?” he asked.
I wrapped the blanket around myself tighter and said, “Apparently not.”
He shook his head and said, “I brought your clothes. Uh … I’ll step out or … if … uh … I can just turn my back.”
I sighed. “Turn you back … and no peeking. If you go out they’ll just wonder what I’m up to. And remember I said no peeking.”
He slowly turned his back and I heard him mutter where I wasn’t supposed to hear him, “Stop saying it and I wouldn’t be tempted to.”
His words should have caught my attention but they didn’t because the only clothes he had brought me was another night gown and a wad of my underthings. “Hey!”
“I know Fel, I know,” he said. “But Lollie says your ribs are bruised. And to be honest it isn’t worth you going down there right now. It is starting to rain again and … and it is a mess. We’re getting out what we can but we have to be careful not to bring the walls down.”
That brought me up short and as I finished dressing and tapped him on the shoulder I asked quietly, “Just how bad is it?”
Turning slowly he said, “Bad. It’s … it’s repairable but it is going to take some time. A tree washed out near your creek and when the wind got into the top that was already heavier than usual from all the rain, it just toppled.” He got upset and finally choked out, “One of the main ceiling beams came down right on the bed. If you’d been in it …”
I saw he was really upset and told him bracingly, “Well I wasn’t.”
“Almost,” he said.
“Almost only counts in horseshoes and …”
He finished, “… and fire pots. Yeah. But you could have been …”
“But I wasn’t.”
“But you could have been.”
I shook my head, “But I wasn’t so just stop worrying it to pieces. And neither were you so unless you want me to make a fuss about that just let it go.” I turned away to look out the window of the bedroom I was in and saw that it was raining just as he’d said. I leaned my head on the glass pane and asked myself more than him, “Now what am I going to do?”
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Boy I keep falling off this CLIFF lol. Thank you.
Chapter 63
“Do?” Cor asks. “You’ll hop in that bed and let Mrs. Wiley and the others spoil you for a bit so they can feel like they’ve taken part in your rescue.”
Raising one eyebrow at him despite it causing a small scratch on my forehead to sing out I asked him, “Rescue? Really?”
“Really,” he said trying to make it sound like something wonderful.
I sighed. “Just how bad is bad Cor? The cabin …”
He walked forward then clumsily reached and tugged me into a hug. I don’t know who was more startled, me or him for me letting him. “Uh … er … It … um …”
He sounded so much like he had when I’d first come to the estate that I relaxed and smiled. Pushing back so I could see his face I told him, “You still say uh, um, and er more than any man I’ve ever met.”
He started guiding me towards a bed that was fancier than any I had ever slept in. It had a real canopy and mosquito bar and bed curtains. In fact I was beginning to notice the whole room was a lot fancier than I was comfortable with but Cor wasn’t giving me any choice because when I slowed down he simply picked me up and carried me the rest of the way and then placed me on the bed. “Humor everyone Fel. It won’t cause your reputation irreparable harm to allow us to spoil you just this once. And tomorrow, rain or shine, I promise we’ll go look at the cabin together. Just give Jonah and I a chance to look things over properly so we can answer all of your questions.”
I was beginning to wonder if I even wanted those questions answered if it was as bad as he was obviously trying not to say so I nodded my acceptance. And apparently just in time too. There was a no-nonsense knock on the door and Mrs. Wiley marched in with a mug and a tray and after setting it down on the bedside table she said, “I expect both ter be clean before I get back. And mind yers, not a crumb left. Peoples are wanting ter know how yer be but I told ‘em they’re to wait til after yers have had a nip and a tuck in as yers hadn’t had a bite since suppertime. But they won’t wait much longer.”
Cor gave a small smile and whispered, “Told you.” Then he left the room hurriedly followed my Mrs. Wiley. That was the last bit of alone time I had for hours.
And hours.
Finally after a supper tray, that several of the village ladies stayed to oversee that I ate it all properly, was taken away I managed to escape any more visitors when Lollie declared that I needed to rest and that she was sure I’d be up for more visitors the next day. She told them if I rested properly I might even come down stairs for a bit.
I had reached my tolerance level for all the fuss and bother long ago but was too tired, sore, and … and appreciative … to complain more than mildly that none of it was necessary; that it certainly wasn’t necessary for them to come out in the rain and take time away from their own needful things.
No one listened. Most of the time that is how my life went anyway so I wasn’t sure why I should have been surprised. But the quiet that was left in their wake was a wonderful thing and I soaked it in. The Captain and Winnie coming to tell me goodnight was the only interruption and it was minor as they were both tired. The excitement of having such a ruckus going on had set Rachel off and then on top of it all the women insisted on holding her to “give Miss Winnie a break” which of course only added to her acting spoiled rotten which everyone but Winnie thought was just as cute as cute could be.
The problem was I had rested about all I could all day long and now though I was worn out sleep was elusive. I also wondered where Cor was. Topher had brought me things throughout the day saying, “Mister Cor said to be sure you got this.” Or “Mister Cor was just sending me to check to make sure you didn’t need anything.”
Of course that caused a bunch of twitters and knowing glances from my visitors and I could have just sunk into the floor boards. They were rewriting history again and it was awfully uncomfortable to be handed a script one line at a time and not knowing the direction the play was going to take. I kept wondering if I had been given the part of the fool but no one had the heart to tell me.
I got up and wandered quietly about the room noticing things to keep my mind off the fact that I had gotten used to Cor being around at night. There was a glass cabinet with books on recipes, herbs, poetry, and a few other titles. I opened the case and took out a pretty little book without a title or author on the cover that had made me curious but then I slammed it shut and put it back quickly with a blush and a gasp after seeing a few pictures that finally explained the cover page which had read “managing the many moods of your husband.”
With that rather discombobulating bit of surprise roaming around in my head I quickly went looking elsewhere for distraction. There were three doors off the room. Behind the first door was a rather ornate indoor outhouse with a large tub bolted to the floor in addition to a smoothly carved sitter – no splinters in the bottom for the one that used this room – and a real mirror that hung above an ornate porcelain wash stand. A towel rack hung conveniently on the wall and then there was a whole little cedar closet that held drying clothes that looked like they hadn’t been aired out in quite some time.
Back in the room I walked passed a poofy little high stool that was tucked under a small table that held old coloring pots full of dried powders and a few ornate perfume bottles. The top of the table obviously lifted open but after the incident with the book I was less easy in getting that much of my curiosity satisfied.
An open shelf held some delicate figurines and other useless objects several of which looked like they might have come from before the Dark Days. I shrugged and then opened the second door. This one led into a small room that was too dark to see in but when I felt around I realized it was the empty version of what Francine had called her clothes closet. There were racks and drawers in there meant to hold clothes, shoes, hats and underthings and after walking out I realized that was why I hadn’t seen a wardrobe or chest in the bedroom proper.
I shut that door and then debated whether to open the third door but decided against it. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable. There was no way Cor was going to come be with me tonight. He would come to the cabin – there was enough distance between it and his memories of Francine – but he wouldn’t do it here where her ghost still lingered. If I felt like she was looking over my shoulder and the woman was hardly dead, it would be next to impossible to expect him to not notice it. I’d just received a letter from Hazel telling me how Francine had started to revert to again believing that her time with Cor was just a half-remembered dream. She was still making Elder Lathrop’s life uncomfortable though as she kept trying to take her turn at her “wifely duties” never quite understanding why he kept saying maybe next time. But that wasn’t a problem I would touch with a ten foot tent pole; it was hard enough having Hazel give me the details that my imagination then took to the next level; no way was I going to involve myself further. Shudder.
I sighed and then bent to bank the fire in preparation of trying to sleep figuring maybe if I pretended hard enough eventually I really would. The house was dead silent and depressed me even more. At the cabin I could hear the outside world through the eaves and shudders, in this room I felt shut in and muffled from everything; uncomfortable in surroundings I didn’t think I belonged in.
I had just taken off a slipper when there was a quiet knock on the door. I turned and walked over and just before I reached it the door knob turned on its own and the door slowly opened to reveal Cor standing there with “his” rocking chair.
“Do?” Cor asks. “You’ll hop in that bed and let Mrs. Wiley and the others spoil you for a bit so they can feel like they’ve taken part in your rescue.”
Raising one eyebrow at him despite it causing a small scratch on my forehead to sing out I asked him, “Rescue? Really?”
“Really,” he said trying to make it sound like something wonderful.
I sighed. “Just how bad is bad Cor? The cabin …”
He walked forward then clumsily reached and tugged me into a hug. I don’t know who was more startled, me or him for me letting him. “Uh … er … It … um …”
He sounded so much like he had when I’d first come to the estate that I relaxed and smiled. Pushing back so I could see his face I told him, “You still say uh, um, and er more than any man I’ve ever met.”
He started guiding me towards a bed that was fancier than any I had ever slept in. It had a real canopy and mosquito bar and bed curtains. In fact I was beginning to notice the whole room was a lot fancier than I was comfortable with but Cor wasn’t giving me any choice because when I slowed down he simply picked me up and carried me the rest of the way and then placed me on the bed. “Humor everyone Fel. It won’t cause your reputation irreparable harm to allow us to spoil you just this once. And tomorrow, rain or shine, I promise we’ll go look at the cabin together. Just give Jonah and I a chance to look things over properly so we can answer all of your questions.”
I was beginning to wonder if I even wanted those questions answered if it was as bad as he was obviously trying not to say so I nodded my acceptance. And apparently just in time too. There was a no-nonsense knock on the door and Mrs. Wiley marched in with a mug and a tray and after setting it down on the bedside table she said, “I expect both ter be clean before I get back. And mind yers, not a crumb left. Peoples are wanting ter know how yer be but I told ‘em they’re to wait til after yers have had a nip and a tuck in as yers hadn’t had a bite since suppertime. But they won’t wait much longer.”
Cor gave a small smile and whispered, “Told you.” Then he left the room hurriedly followed my Mrs. Wiley. That was the last bit of alone time I had for hours.
And hours.
Finally after a supper tray, that several of the village ladies stayed to oversee that I ate it all properly, was taken away I managed to escape any more visitors when Lollie declared that I needed to rest and that she was sure I’d be up for more visitors the next day. She told them if I rested properly I might even come down stairs for a bit.
I had reached my tolerance level for all the fuss and bother long ago but was too tired, sore, and … and appreciative … to complain more than mildly that none of it was necessary; that it certainly wasn’t necessary for them to come out in the rain and take time away from their own needful things.
No one listened. Most of the time that is how my life went anyway so I wasn’t sure why I should have been surprised. But the quiet that was left in their wake was a wonderful thing and I soaked it in. The Captain and Winnie coming to tell me goodnight was the only interruption and it was minor as they were both tired. The excitement of having such a ruckus going on had set Rachel off and then on top of it all the women insisted on holding her to “give Miss Winnie a break” which of course only added to her acting spoiled rotten which everyone but Winnie thought was just as cute as cute could be.
The problem was I had rested about all I could all day long and now though I was worn out sleep was elusive. I also wondered where Cor was. Topher had brought me things throughout the day saying, “Mister Cor said to be sure you got this.” Or “Mister Cor was just sending me to check to make sure you didn’t need anything.”
Of course that caused a bunch of twitters and knowing glances from my visitors and I could have just sunk into the floor boards. They were rewriting history again and it was awfully uncomfortable to be handed a script one line at a time and not knowing the direction the play was going to take. I kept wondering if I had been given the part of the fool but no one had the heart to tell me.
I got up and wandered quietly about the room noticing things to keep my mind off the fact that I had gotten used to Cor being around at night. There was a glass cabinet with books on recipes, herbs, poetry, and a few other titles. I opened the case and took out a pretty little book without a title or author on the cover that had made me curious but then I slammed it shut and put it back quickly with a blush and a gasp after seeing a few pictures that finally explained the cover page which had read “managing the many moods of your husband.”
With that rather discombobulating bit of surprise roaming around in my head I quickly went looking elsewhere for distraction. There were three doors off the room. Behind the first door was a rather ornate indoor outhouse with a large tub bolted to the floor in addition to a smoothly carved sitter – no splinters in the bottom for the one that used this room – and a real mirror that hung above an ornate porcelain wash stand. A towel rack hung conveniently on the wall and then there was a whole little cedar closet that held drying clothes that looked like they hadn’t been aired out in quite some time.
Back in the room I walked passed a poofy little high stool that was tucked under a small table that held old coloring pots full of dried powders and a few ornate perfume bottles. The top of the table obviously lifted open but after the incident with the book I was less easy in getting that much of my curiosity satisfied.
An open shelf held some delicate figurines and other useless objects several of which looked like they might have come from before the Dark Days. I shrugged and then opened the second door. This one led into a small room that was too dark to see in but when I felt around I realized it was the empty version of what Francine had called her clothes closet. There were racks and drawers in there meant to hold clothes, shoes, hats and underthings and after walking out I realized that was why I hadn’t seen a wardrobe or chest in the bedroom proper.
I shut that door and then debated whether to open the third door but decided against it. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable. There was no way Cor was going to come be with me tonight. He would come to the cabin – there was enough distance between it and his memories of Francine – but he wouldn’t do it here where her ghost still lingered. If I felt like she was looking over my shoulder and the woman was hardly dead, it would be next to impossible to expect him to not notice it. I’d just received a letter from Hazel telling me how Francine had started to revert to again believing that her time with Cor was just a half-remembered dream. She was still making Elder Lathrop’s life uncomfortable though as she kept trying to take her turn at her “wifely duties” never quite understanding why he kept saying maybe next time. But that wasn’t a problem I would touch with a ten foot tent pole; it was hard enough having Hazel give me the details that my imagination then took to the next level; no way was I going to involve myself further. Shudder.
I sighed and then bent to bank the fire in preparation of trying to sleep figuring maybe if I pretended hard enough eventually I really would. The house was dead silent and depressed me even more. At the cabin I could hear the outside world through the eaves and shudders, in this room I felt shut in and muffled from everything; uncomfortable in surroundings I didn’t think I belonged in.
I had just taken off a slipper when there was a quiet knock on the door. I turned and walked over and just before I reached it the door knob turned on its own and the door slowly opened to reveal Cor standing there with “his” rocking chair.
Jeepcats 3
Contributing Member
Wow, as usual a totally unexpected turn of the story!
Thanks for the new chapter.
Jeepcats3
Thanks for the new chapter.
Jeepcats3
goinpostal
Contributing Member
What a dolt!
Matt
Matt
Chapter 64
I just stood there staring until he asked, “Would it be all right if I came in?”
I peeled the cobwebs off of my brain and then by way of answering stood back so he could enter. He turned and then with a look at me, shut the door and after another quick glance my way, threw the latch.
My toes curled under my gown and I hadn’t the foggiest idea what to say. He slowly put the rocker in front of the fire and then like he wasn’t sure whether I would accept or decline he picked up a chair that had been against the wall and brought it forward and sat it beside the rocker. He looked around but then scrunched his eyebrows and said, “We’ll need to find a little table to … uh … I … er … well … I mean if … hmmm …”
His hesitancy finally broke my silence and I gave a small grin and shook my head. The was Cor, I knew the man, warts and all, and he was worried that I was going to pitch a fuss over a thing as simple as a table and he’d still risk the kick just to please me even if it embarrassed him. “It’s all right. We don’t have to have a table.”
He seemed to relax a little bit but then instead of sitting in the rocker as he normally would have he went around the room touching things. Stopping at the little table that held the pots and bottles he said, “This is ... I mean was ... my mother's room."
Startled I said, "Someone should have said. You should have said. I'll move. I really don’t mind being up in the …"
"No. I ... I just ..." He stopped at a loss for words. Then he started up with another strange statement. "The room through that connecting door,” he said pointing to the third door that I hadn’t opened. “It was my father's study. He ... uh ... slept in there most of the time. I ... I was ... thinking ..."
He fell silent again and I finally asked him, "What were you thinking?"
He was silent another moment and I could see he was channeling his emotions or mustering his courage. "Fel, if I move in that room, will you stay here ... in the house ... with me?"
I opened my mouth even though I didn't have the least idea what I was going to say. But I didn't have to come up with anything because Cor kept talking. "Please Fel, hear me out. I ... I know you don't have a lot of reason to listen to me by now, probably lost a lot of trust in me if you have any left at all. I'm just asking for a chance."
I just looked at him but he kept waiting for me to say something. Finally I sighed and told him, "I'm not stopping you. If you want to talk then talk."
He swallowed. Blew out a breath then began. "Back … back when … when the baby … died … I never should have said what I did. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did and I said it in the heat of the moment out of shock and hurt. I said it to you when I should have been saying it to Francine if I said it at all. I was half out of my head but that’s no excuse. I know I've messed up, probably to the point things will never be what they could have been. I'd ... I'd still like to try ... that is if you ... you don't ... I mean if you are willing."
My head felt suddenly full of air. I had to sit in the chair because I was so stunned by his words. It sounded like one of those fairy stories I used to read to my sisters. But the problem was my life had never been a fairy story and I knew it wasn't likely to start being one out of the blue. Then I had a thought. "Cor, if this is about you thinking you'll never be free to marry if I'm around so you’ve decided to make the best of it ... well … we can work something out. You don't have to sacrifice your honor or the coin from the estate. I can ... just fade away. No one has to know. They'll forget about me and ..."
He walked away from me and leaning on the fireplace mantle while looking into the fire’s depths asked, "What if I'll never forget about you?"
Still not sure what he was getting at and refusing to believe in the impossible I told him, "We've never really been man and wife, not really ... just on paper. Your conscience will be clean."
He shook his head forcefully. "No it won't. Not my conscience ... nor my heart."
That sure shut me up.
He finally seemed to find it in him to look me full in the face. "You told me once to fall in love again. Do you remember what I told you?"
Quietly I answered, "Yeah. You said you didn't want to."
He gave a self-derisive laugh. "More like I couldn't Fel. I was already in love ... with you. Only it's taken me forever to admit it ... to myself, to you. I ... I wasn't free to feel the way I did for you. I wasn’t free to do the things I wanted to do with you … to you. I came close so many times … all I would have had to do was reach out … touch …” He shook his head and slammed his fist onto the marble he was leaning on. “But I don't care what the council said, what anyone said ... I wasn't free. I had obligations of honor to the vows I spoke with Francine." He looked away again. "Then things got even more messed up ... the baby, Francine, coming to terms with what she did, my injuries, her leaving us ... I wasn't fit to try and make the decisions that needed to be made. I couldn't make sense of anything, much less understand why you were still here.” Breathing heavy he said, “God forgive me Fel but by the time we went to the festival I was eager for it to be over with. I was tired of making excuses for her, tired of making excuses for myself … tired of denying myself the one thing that I wanted that half way made any sense in my life. Then when I missed the dance I ... I was sure that I had lost you, that I had hurt you so badly on top of all the other times I had hurt you that … that ... I just kept waiting for you to find a good enough excuse to leave. I kept waiting for the pain of the idea of you leaving to carry me off. Then I thought maybe you were just waiting for me to leave so there wouldn't be a scene.” He swallowed then quietly added, “I knew you deserved your chance so I made up my mind that one way or the other you were going to get it."
He turned to me and I could tell he was confused. "But then you didn't want me to go on the run with Luke and you didn’t leave, not even after having a chance to go with your father's family. I ... I still don't understand that. The night after they left – when my rights I should have been mourning you leaving me forever – I was left grappling with what you had said. You had made a commitment. You said you wouldn’t abandone Corman but I couldn’t decide if you meant the estate, the people of the estate, both … or if you … possibly you could mean me.”
He started pacing. “My head was so full, and the memories in that other room where people expected me to live as if nothing had happened … gah! ... I couldn't sleep. It felt like my head was going to explode so I went for a walk. It felt like I was out for hours and then somehow I wound up at the cabin.” He stopped and got down on his knee beside the chair I was sitting in, “I can't sleep without you here Fel. God knows I shouldn't ask, but don't leave. Only … only there’s more ... I'm asking that ... God Fel … this is so hard."
His head was buried in his hands and I worried his hair wasn't long to stay there the way he was tugging on it.
"Stop doing yourself damage," I told him reaching out and untangling his fingers from his locks. I felt again that rightness that I had felt when I had given my Da’s family my answer. "I'll stay as long as you need me to. But no ... no make believe Cor. I don't need fairy stories and don't believe in them. I'll stay if you need me to and I'll stay for the people on the estate.” I brushed his hair with my fingers so it looked less like a rat’s nest and told him bracingly, “There now, it's obvious you are just out of sorts. If you want to sit in the rocker that's fine. If you want some companionship or warmth I reckon we can both fit there on the bed; either way neither one of us needs to take on so."
He wasn’t finished however. "But what about you Fel? What do you need? Just tell me. I'll do everything in my power to ..."
Feeling uncomfortable I told him, "Oh don't. Don’t take on so, it isn’t healthy. I like being needed I tell you. I don't want to cripple anyone by making them need me; just I like being needed is all. That’s all."
“But what do YOU need?” he persisted.
I could see he wasn't going to turn loose of the question so I sought an answer to satisfy him and found one that was surprisingly simple but honest. "I need a place and people I can belong to. And I already have that here. I will leave if that's what you need but I'll be honest and tell you that my druthers are to stay in some capacity."
His breath caught for a moment then he let it our slowly. Quietly he asked, "What if that capacity is as my wife, my real wife? Not ... not just a paper wife."
He'd left me speechless again.
I just stood there staring until he asked, “Would it be all right if I came in?”
I peeled the cobwebs off of my brain and then by way of answering stood back so he could enter. He turned and then with a look at me, shut the door and after another quick glance my way, threw the latch.
My toes curled under my gown and I hadn’t the foggiest idea what to say. He slowly put the rocker in front of the fire and then like he wasn’t sure whether I would accept or decline he picked up a chair that had been against the wall and brought it forward and sat it beside the rocker. He looked around but then scrunched his eyebrows and said, “We’ll need to find a little table to … uh … I … er … well … I mean if … hmmm …”
His hesitancy finally broke my silence and I gave a small grin and shook my head. The was Cor, I knew the man, warts and all, and he was worried that I was going to pitch a fuss over a thing as simple as a table and he’d still risk the kick just to please me even if it embarrassed him. “It’s all right. We don’t have to have a table.”
He seemed to relax a little bit but then instead of sitting in the rocker as he normally would have he went around the room touching things. Stopping at the little table that held the pots and bottles he said, “This is ... I mean was ... my mother's room."
Startled I said, "Someone should have said. You should have said. I'll move. I really don’t mind being up in the …"
"No. I ... I just ..." He stopped at a loss for words. Then he started up with another strange statement. "The room through that connecting door,” he said pointing to the third door that I hadn’t opened. “It was my father's study. He ... uh ... slept in there most of the time. I ... I was ... thinking ..."
He fell silent again and I finally asked him, "What were you thinking?"
He was silent another moment and I could see he was channeling his emotions or mustering his courage. "Fel, if I move in that room, will you stay here ... in the house ... with me?"
I opened my mouth even though I didn't have the least idea what I was going to say. But I didn't have to come up with anything because Cor kept talking. "Please Fel, hear me out. I ... I know you don't have a lot of reason to listen to me by now, probably lost a lot of trust in me if you have any left at all. I'm just asking for a chance."
I just looked at him but he kept waiting for me to say something. Finally I sighed and told him, "I'm not stopping you. If you want to talk then talk."
He swallowed. Blew out a breath then began. "Back … back when … when the baby … died … I never should have said what I did. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did and I said it in the heat of the moment out of shock and hurt. I said it to you when I should have been saying it to Francine if I said it at all. I was half out of my head but that’s no excuse. I know I've messed up, probably to the point things will never be what they could have been. I'd ... I'd still like to try ... that is if you ... you don't ... I mean if you are willing."
My head felt suddenly full of air. I had to sit in the chair because I was so stunned by his words. It sounded like one of those fairy stories I used to read to my sisters. But the problem was my life had never been a fairy story and I knew it wasn't likely to start being one out of the blue. Then I had a thought. "Cor, if this is about you thinking you'll never be free to marry if I'm around so you’ve decided to make the best of it ... well … we can work something out. You don't have to sacrifice your honor or the coin from the estate. I can ... just fade away. No one has to know. They'll forget about me and ..."
He walked away from me and leaning on the fireplace mantle while looking into the fire’s depths asked, "What if I'll never forget about you?"
Still not sure what he was getting at and refusing to believe in the impossible I told him, "We've never really been man and wife, not really ... just on paper. Your conscience will be clean."
He shook his head forcefully. "No it won't. Not my conscience ... nor my heart."
That sure shut me up.
He finally seemed to find it in him to look me full in the face. "You told me once to fall in love again. Do you remember what I told you?"
Quietly I answered, "Yeah. You said you didn't want to."
He gave a self-derisive laugh. "More like I couldn't Fel. I was already in love ... with you. Only it's taken me forever to admit it ... to myself, to you. I ... I wasn't free to feel the way I did for you. I wasn’t free to do the things I wanted to do with you … to you. I came close so many times … all I would have had to do was reach out … touch …” He shook his head and slammed his fist onto the marble he was leaning on. “But I don't care what the council said, what anyone said ... I wasn't free. I had obligations of honor to the vows I spoke with Francine." He looked away again. "Then things got even more messed up ... the baby, Francine, coming to terms with what she did, my injuries, her leaving us ... I wasn't fit to try and make the decisions that needed to be made. I couldn't make sense of anything, much less understand why you were still here.” Breathing heavy he said, “God forgive me Fel but by the time we went to the festival I was eager for it to be over with. I was tired of making excuses for her, tired of making excuses for myself … tired of denying myself the one thing that I wanted that half way made any sense in my life. Then when I missed the dance I ... I was sure that I had lost you, that I had hurt you so badly on top of all the other times I had hurt you that … that ... I just kept waiting for you to find a good enough excuse to leave. I kept waiting for the pain of the idea of you leaving to carry me off. Then I thought maybe you were just waiting for me to leave so there wouldn't be a scene.” He swallowed then quietly added, “I knew you deserved your chance so I made up my mind that one way or the other you were going to get it."
He turned to me and I could tell he was confused. "But then you didn't want me to go on the run with Luke and you didn’t leave, not even after having a chance to go with your father's family. I ... I still don't understand that. The night after they left – when my rights I should have been mourning you leaving me forever – I was left grappling with what you had said. You had made a commitment. You said you wouldn’t abandone Corman but I couldn’t decide if you meant the estate, the people of the estate, both … or if you … possibly you could mean me.”
He started pacing. “My head was so full, and the memories in that other room where people expected me to live as if nothing had happened … gah! ... I couldn't sleep. It felt like my head was going to explode so I went for a walk. It felt like I was out for hours and then somehow I wound up at the cabin.” He stopped and got down on his knee beside the chair I was sitting in, “I can't sleep without you here Fel. God knows I shouldn't ask, but don't leave. Only … only there’s more ... I'm asking that ... God Fel … this is so hard."
His head was buried in his hands and I worried his hair wasn't long to stay there the way he was tugging on it.
"Stop doing yourself damage," I told him reaching out and untangling his fingers from his locks. I felt again that rightness that I had felt when I had given my Da’s family my answer. "I'll stay as long as you need me to. But no ... no make believe Cor. I don't need fairy stories and don't believe in them. I'll stay if you need me to and I'll stay for the people on the estate.” I brushed his hair with my fingers so it looked less like a rat’s nest and told him bracingly, “There now, it's obvious you are just out of sorts. If you want to sit in the rocker that's fine. If you want some companionship or warmth I reckon we can both fit there on the bed; either way neither one of us needs to take on so."
He wasn’t finished however. "But what about you Fel? What do you need? Just tell me. I'll do everything in my power to ..."
Feeling uncomfortable I told him, "Oh don't. Don’t take on so, it isn’t healthy. I like being needed I tell you. I don't want to cripple anyone by making them need me; just I like being needed is all. That’s all."
“But what do YOU need?” he persisted.
I could see he wasn't going to turn loose of the question so I sought an answer to satisfy him and found one that was surprisingly simple but honest. "I need a place and people I can belong to. And I already have that here. I will leave if that's what you need but I'll be honest and tell you that my druthers are to stay in some capacity."
His breath caught for a moment then he let it our slowly. Quietly he asked, "What if that capacity is as my wife, my real wife? Not ... not just a paper wife."
He'd left me speechless again.
Jeepcats 3
Contributing Member
Dang, you really keep us guessing! In a nice way too!
Maybe it will come around to rights yet!
Jeepcats3
Maybe it will come around to rights yet!
Jeepcats3
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Sheesh they are both so young and Fel is afriad to tell him how she really feels. Thank you.
Hickory7
Senior Member
+1000
EPILOGUE
When I was a slave I thought as a slave and coveted even the smallest things that I might call my own even going so far to try and hide their true value to me. One thing I coveted were the small scraps of books that were left from before the Dark Days. Often in my early life these scraps were only a few pages long, maybe a single page, most often just a piece of a page with a few faded words still legible upon them.
One of my most precious possessions is a scrap of paper that I found not too long after my parents died. It was the first item I collected to rebuild some sort of life for myself with and it had simply blown into my lap on the wind like it had been meant for me alone to find. Upon that scrap of paper is written these words:
Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious. Many of life's best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment. If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them. A life of total ease and a complete lack of challenge would be unbearably tedious. When the next challenge comes your way, when the next obstacle blocks your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living. The challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level. Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.
Even all these years later I still don’t know who wrote that piece, all I have are initials. R.M. I always thought that if my Gran had ever been educated she might have said something like those words. But she wasn’t; instead she went one better … she lived those words.
I’ve tried to live those words too though I’ve let life trip me up and have fallen short a time or two. Still, I don’t think I’ve done half bad. As I sit here in my chair and think on it there are a few things in this life I regret but I can also say there are fewer than there might have been had I not kept reminding myself over the years of those words and what they mean.
At the creak of the rocker I look over and see he’s finally settling for the night after reading a bedtime story of knights and maids all fair. He asks, “Glad to be home?”
I nodded. “Always.”
He nodded as well. “Me too.” A few moments later he says, “Festival was nice this year but I miss Uncle Rob.”
I pat his arm and remind him, “You know the heart just went out of him last year when Winnie passed. At least he stayed around long enough to see his first grandchild draw breath.”
A little curmudgeonly Cor mumbled, “The whole flaming territory has seen that child. If that boy crows any louder they’ll hear him clear across the ‘Cific.”
I had to laugh because honestly that wasn’t far from the truth. What I won't say is he was every bit as loud if not more so when our first was born. “I don’t know who was more surprised that he got up the courage to approach the Captain and Winnie about asking for Rachel’s hand … Topher or your uncle.”
Rocking quietly Cor admitted, “I have to admit, it was a sight funny to see a grown man nearing thirty dancing around like an idiot because he’d been given permission to call on that wild child. Funnier still when Uncle Rob told us how relieved he was he didn’t have to be the one to go to Topher and beg him to take Rachel off their hands. She’d scared off every other suitor that had come calling and more than a few that never actually made it to a first meeting.”
I smiled, “Strange how quiet and responsible she’s grown since she’s been blessed with the mother’s curse.”
“The what?” he asked.
I explained, “Winnie must have cursed her and told her she hoped she had one just like her.”
We both laughed at the idea and then laughed some more when we thought of our own brood. Four boys and four girls all living … and two little ones beside a third out in the family graveyard that I put flowers on every month so folks won’t forget them for I never will. If our brood ever gets around to having families we’ll have to think about rebuilding the cabins on the estate.
When I raised the idea once he was fiercely against it. “No I tell you. May what remains of all those blasted buildings rot to their foundations. I’ll not have what they stand for in our family. For each of us there is only one other and that’s the way it is and the way it’s mean to stay.”
“Easy Husband, you’re getting a wee bit cranky in your old age.”
Outraged he’d said, “I’m not getting old … and I’ll prove it to you.” I laughed remembering how he’d chased me all to the way to the top of the house and how we’d nearly been caught in the attic by our youngest who’d started to wonder if rats had gotten in somehow.
I found I’ve never needed the suggestions in that little book I found in Cor’s mother’s things so many years ago. Seems after we got through that first series of challenges the others that came behind it were easier to face and easier to come up with solutions for … including the “moods” he had … and my own as well.
No, life has not been easy. Life has caught us by surprise a few times. A few of my sisters never made it out of their second decade on earth. Accident, disease, childbirth … life … it happens to us all and all we can do is be as prepared as possible to face it when it does.
And Francine … poor Francine. Cor and I went to her funeral. I know it made some talk but there was once a sweet young girl that my husband loved and we went to mourn that memory as much as the senseless and tragic death of the woman she grew into. Her fantasies became such that she pretended a pregnancy and then birthed a doll. She carried that doll everywhere, treated as a real babe … more real than she had ever thought of the one she’d really birthed. Then there came a flood and the cabin that Francine kept to got caught as a nearby levy gave way. They got her out in time but when she realized her “baby” was still in the cabin she broke away from those caring for her and drowned trying to rescue it. There’s a lesson in there but it is so bitter that to try and put it in words would dilute its message.
Elder Lathrop didn’t live but three months beyond that incident and we again attended the funeral. Hazel pulled me to the side and told us how grateful the family was that we’d forgiven them and given them back some of their standing in the territory by openly showing up at the nearly back to back funerals. I hadn’t even thought of it like that but I suppose there was some forgiveness in there. Strange how a kindness grows bigger than you expect it to. Cor is still sensitive of speaking of that time in our lives but mostly I think it is because he doesn’t think people will understand. I’m pretty sure he is right. Sometimes the only way to really understand something is to live through it and then accept that the God that breathed the world to life knows what he’s doing and admit you'll never grasp the whys of some of it.
Cor and I may have had the hardest start of all my sisters but in some ways we’ve come away with some of the greatest blessings; or it feels that way most of the time.
And now that I'm free with my slave years far behind me I realize it isn't the things that you keep close to you that are of the greatest value but the things that you give away.
“Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.”
Cor and I say that to each other every day. And I know we both intend to continue living it until the Good Lord calls us home.
THE END
When I was a slave I thought as a slave and coveted even the smallest things that I might call my own even going so far to try and hide their true value to me. One thing I coveted were the small scraps of books that were left from before the Dark Days. Often in my early life these scraps were only a few pages long, maybe a single page, most often just a piece of a page with a few faded words still legible upon them.
One of my most precious possessions is a scrap of paper that I found not too long after my parents died. It was the first item I collected to rebuild some sort of life for myself with and it had simply blown into my lap on the wind like it had been meant for me alone to find. Upon that scrap of paper is written these words:
Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious. Many of life's best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment. If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them. A life of total ease and a complete lack of challenge would be unbearably tedious. When the next challenge comes your way, when the next obstacle blocks your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living. The challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level. Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.
Even all these years later I still don’t know who wrote that piece, all I have are initials. R.M. I always thought that if my Gran had ever been educated she might have said something like those words. But she wasn’t; instead she went one better … she lived those words.
I’ve tried to live those words too though I’ve let life trip me up and have fallen short a time or two. Still, I don’t think I’ve done half bad. As I sit here in my chair and think on it there are a few things in this life I regret but I can also say there are fewer than there might have been had I not kept reminding myself over the years of those words and what they mean.
At the creak of the rocker I look over and see he’s finally settling for the night after reading a bedtime story of knights and maids all fair. He asks, “Glad to be home?”
I nodded. “Always.”
He nodded as well. “Me too.” A few moments later he says, “Festival was nice this year but I miss Uncle Rob.”
I pat his arm and remind him, “You know the heart just went out of him last year when Winnie passed. At least he stayed around long enough to see his first grandchild draw breath.”
A little curmudgeonly Cor mumbled, “The whole flaming territory has seen that child. If that boy crows any louder they’ll hear him clear across the ‘Cific.”
I had to laugh because honestly that wasn’t far from the truth. What I won't say is he was every bit as loud if not more so when our first was born. “I don’t know who was more surprised that he got up the courage to approach the Captain and Winnie about asking for Rachel’s hand … Topher or your uncle.”
Rocking quietly Cor admitted, “I have to admit, it was a sight funny to see a grown man nearing thirty dancing around like an idiot because he’d been given permission to call on that wild child. Funnier still when Uncle Rob told us how relieved he was he didn’t have to be the one to go to Topher and beg him to take Rachel off their hands. She’d scared off every other suitor that had come calling and more than a few that never actually made it to a first meeting.”
I smiled, “Strange how quiet and responsible she’s grown since she’s been blessed with the mother’s curse.”
“The what?” he asked.
I explained, “Winnie must have cursed her and told her she hoped she had one just like her.”
We both laughed at the idea and then laughed some more when we thought of our own brood. Four boys and four girls all living … and two little ones beside a third out in the family graveyard that I put flowers on every month so folks won’t forget them for I never will. If our brood ever gets around to having families we’ll have to think about rebuilding the cabins on the estate.
When I raised the idea once he was fiercely against it. “No I tell you. May what remains of all those blasted buildings rot to their foundations. I’ll not have what they stand for in our family. For each of us there is only one other and that’s the way it is and the way it’s mean to stay.”
“Easy Husband, you’re getting a wee bit cranky in your old age.”
Outraged he’d said, “I’m not getting old … and I’ll prove it to you.” I laughed remembering how he’d chased me all to the way to the top of the house and how we’d nearly been caught in the attic by our youngest who’d started to wonder if rats had gotten in somehow.
I found I’ve never needed the suggestions in that little book I found in Cor’s mother’s things so many years ago. Seems after we got through that first series of challenges the others that came behind it were easier to face and easier to come up with solutions for … including the “moods” he had … and my own as well.
No, life has not been easy. Life has caught us by surprise a few times. A few of my sisters never made it out of their second decade on earth. Accident, disease, childbirth … life … it happens to us all and all we can do is be as prepared as possible to face it when it does.
And Francine … poor Francine. Cor and I went to her funeral. I know it made some talk but there was once a sweet young girl that my husband loved and we went to mourn that memory as much as the senseless and tragic death of the woman she grew into. Her fantasies became such that she pretended a pregnancy and then birthed a doll. She carried that doll everywhere, treated as a real babe … more real than she had ever thought of the one she’d really birthed. Then there came a flood and the cabin that Francine kept to got caught as a nearby levy gave way. They got her out in time but when she realized her “baby” was still in the cabin she broke away from those caring for her and drowned trying to rescue it. There’s a lesson in there but it is so bitter that to try and put it in words would dilute its message.
Elder Lathrop didn’t live but three months beyond that incident and we again attended the funeral. Hazel pulled me to the side and told us how grateful the family was that we’d forgiven them and given them back some of their standing in the territory by openly showing up at the nearly back to back funerals. I hadn’t even thought of it like that but I suppose there was some forgiveness in there. Strange how a kindness grows bigger than you expect it to. Cor is still sensitive of speaking of that time in our lives but mostly I think it is because he doesn’t think people will understand. I’m pretty sure he is right. Sometimes the only way to really understand something is to live through it and then accept that the God that breathed the world to life knows what he’s doing and admit you'll never grasp the whys of some of it.
Cor and I may have had the hardest start of all my sisters but in some ways we’ve come away with some of the greatest blessings; or it feels that way most of the time.
And now that I'm free with my slave years far behind me I realize it isn't the things that you keep close to you that are of the greatest value but the things that you give away.
“Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.”
Cor and I say that to each other every day. And I know we both intend to continue living it until the Good Lord calls us home.
THE END
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Thank you for a wonderful story, I really enjoyed it.
juco
Veteran Member
LOL, you hit the nail on the head.
But Kathy will have more great stories for us.
Thank you Kathy, for the hours of wonderful reading.
Jeepcats 3
Contributing Member
What an ending!
I'm sorry its done but it ended with everything wrapped up right!
Thanks for a compelling and spellbinding story!
Jeepcats3!
I'm sorry its done but it ended with everything wrapped up right!
Thanks for a compelling and spellbinding story!
Jeepcats3!