Story Fel By the Wayside (Complete)
- Thread starter Kathy in FL
- Start date
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
LOL we always get left hangng these days, thank you for the new post.
Genevieve
working on it
+1000
Chapter 59
“Hannah, is Docia really serious about wanting to do this?”
My bleary-eyed sister, the mother of unexpected twins, looked at me and asked, “Would I be here if she wasn’t? I was up all night with the babies and Nel is going to bounce more than dance though this.”
I snickered because it was true; Nel did look rather like a contest-sized pumpkin. “Is that one of Carter’s leather shirts or did you borrow someone’s tent to dress her in?”
Hannah snickered quietly but said, “You better not let her hear you. She’s … uh … a little sensitive at the moment and might decide to scalp you.”
Having already been singed a couple of times by the normally quiet young woman I decided the better part of valor was just to let the subject drop … but that meant we were back to discussing what we were all there for. I looked around and asked, “Has anyone tried talking her out of this?”
Nel pierced me with her light blue eyes and I took that for an affirmative. I sighed. Docia had her heart set on this and I didn’t want to disappoint her at all but wearing the ceremonial dress and moccasins that she had given me made me feel like I was playing dress up. “Docia, why could I not have just worn my old leathers. They are mine and …”
Docia looked at me sternly and wrinkled her nose. “Because they stink. You work in them all day and there aren’t any decorations on any of the parts.”
“They don’t stink … they’re just a little musky is all.”
Daphne said, “Musky in the same way a hound is musky after it has had a run in with a skunk. Stop fussing Fel and let me finish your hair. It’s even longer and thicker than Hannah’s and I want the braids and beads to look just right.”
“Ouch! Comb my hair not my ears!”
“Then sit still and stop wiggling!”
I groaned. “Docia …”
“Fel … you are going to be in this circle dance with us if I have to tie you to a pole and plant you in the middle. Wait … maybe that’s a good idea. We’ll tie ribbons to you and …”
“Don’t … you … dare!”
All of my sisters were there and laughed … even poor, uncomfortable Nel. They know I hate ribbons. It’s not anything against anyone that does like them but for me they are always catching on things or leaving bits and pieces of themselves for my enemies to track me with.
Docia’s brilliant idea was going to be the death of me. Somehow my sisters had turned being an Outlander into an asset. Or maybe it was just the way the families they married into treated them. On the other hand, while I wasn’t treated bad for being an Outlander I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Or maybe it wasn’t being an Outlander at all, maybe it was just being me. Either way this blasted circle dance was just going to make people stare even more than they already did.
“Docia, explain again why we are doing this?” I asked.
Docia gave me an exasperated glance before turning back to work on another sister’s braids. “I’ve already explained it Fel. Some of the wome from the different estates have shown off their sewing talents, some have shown off their singing or other musical talents. Some paint, some do other artsy crafts. Then there are the things that the families show off … like pottery or jewelry or ironwork. Each of us sisters have done things with the ones we married but it has been so long since we’ve all been together I wanted us to do something too … as a family. You know it’s right, so stop fussing.”
I rolled my eyes. “Says you. The whole lot of you are as pretty as spring roses … big bellied and blooming or blushing from being a new mother. I’m gonna look like a stick … or a brick … and I’ll wind up embarrassing myself, you, and … and the family I live with.”
Strangely enough it was Daphne of all people that put her hand on me in comfort. “Fel there isn’t a thing wrong with the way you look. You’re just built like a warrior and not soft and rounded like we are. And I can’t imagine you looking any other way. It is part of who you are and if people can’t accept that then that is their problem not yours. Now turn here and let me color your eyes.”
I squawked, “What?! Now I said I would play dress up with you lot but I’m not putting war paint on my face.”
Daphne snatched my ear and kept me from leaving the stool I had been sitting on. “It isn’t war paint and you know it. You think I want to ruin the effect by painting your face so you can hide in the bushes? Or is that what you really want because you are trying to slip away unseen?”
Nel snickered and said, “What you get for calling me a pumpkin earlier.”
“Humph.” I have to admit I was having fun for all the fuss and bother of it. What I wasn’t looking forward to was going out and getting stared at.
Docia started lining us up as we had practiced for years. “You go in front Fel.”
“Why do I have to go in front?!”
Docia stamped her foot. “Because you start us off just like always and that means you either go in front or last and since I can’t seem to trust that you’ll actually make it to the stage if I let you go last then in front it is and that’s that.”
I groused, “You weren’t so bossy when we were just girls.”
She snorted, “But you were so you can imagine who I learned it from. Now stop being such a scaredy-cat and dance for Cor if you can’t do it for us.”
I found some steel for my spine at her words and knew that if I didn’t want to make a complete fool of myself I needed to start acting with a little more grace. I mumbled, “I’ll just pretend we are playing by the stream like we used to. No one is around, just us.”
Docia smiled and I realized she really was beautiful now that she was taken care of the way she was always supposed to be and not always having to look over her shoulder, worrying which monster was going to try and get her next.
In some clans there are instruments and words that go along with their dances but in our town the women only used their hands and feet to mark the beat they danced by. The music came as the claps and stomps and steps wove together like the ribbons wove together as we circled around the pole that stood in the center. The only other sound was made by the dance leader to call the sudden changes in steps that came faster and faster and faster as the dance reached its finale.
As we walked onto the dais that was being used as a stage people didn’t quiet down like they did for other performers and I knew from a few covert looks they were trying to put us in our place. That more than anything gave me the courage to go on. I chirped the first moves and in no time, despite my intent to rub the faces of the crowd into the dust, I had forgotten all about them as my sisters and I relived one of the few pleasures that had been allowed to us.
Round and round then reverse and round. Stomp and clap. Bob and weave. I whistled, chirped, and called. Twist, snap, stomp. Round and reverse. As we moved the ribbons began to weave and unweave. The steps sped up and it was a game to see how fast we could move in time and not cause a knot.
Now we were all smiling and laughing … stomping, clapping, bobbing, round and round, revers and round again. We’d gone faster as girls but I don’t think we’d ever moved as sure footed. Then in one quick flash of feet moving so fast they were nothing but a blur, hands flying this way and that with our partners, the dance came to an crashing end and the ribbon was perfectly woven and tied in bows all along the poles length.
There was utter silence then Carter jumped over the table he’d been sitting on and swooped Hannah up into a huge boyish hug and said, “Gosh all mighty Wife, I sure gotta prize in you!”
Carter’s brother wasn’t so far behind but he stopped short when Nel said, “You’re not dumping me on my head. I’m so heavy I’ll snap your back … a kiss’ll do just fine thankee.”
Soon there was laughing and clapping all around and other husbands came forward to claim their wives. I saw Lem bending and kissing Daphne’s hand like she was royalty out of some storybook before placing her hand in the crook of his arm and leading her off. Others were drawing their wives away for a cool drink … we were all hot and sweating from the dance. Robbie claimed Docia and I hugged her and then turned and wove my way to go off stage. I hadn’t seen Cor and I was bound and determined that no one was going to see how alone I was.
I was all changed out of the leathers and back into my own clothes when Winnie found me. “Here you are. I had wondered where you had gotten to.”
Her voice was over bright which told me she’d noticed that I was the only one to walk off stage alone. I refused to be an object of pity. I told her, “I wanted to take this off and air them out. They belong to Docia. Besides these ornaments clinking and clanking drive me mad; I can barely hear myself think with them on. Give me a moment to finish packing these in her bag. Was there anything you needed?”
“Fel … he meant to be here …”
“Hmmm?” I asked like I hadn’t really been listening to the question the first time around.
“Fel … please, let me explain. The divorce papers came in and the council wanted them signed right away.”
I stopped dead still. “Of course they would. They couldn’t leave the man alone for just one night could they? No, they want to sweep things under the rug as fast as possible regardless of how they do it.”
“Don’t be mad at him.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I wasn’t mad at him to begin with.”
“Then who are you mad at? The Council? They are just trying to do their job.”
I snorted. “That’s your opinion. But no, not the council either. Myself. For being a foolish maid.” She put her hand on my arm and I jerked away. “Just leave it be Winnie. It is what it is.”
I walked away. I think she would have followed me but some woman or other called her and then hugged her in some boisterous greeting. I made my way to the room I’d been sleeping in. I was in no mood for any more celebrations and just wanted to escape in sleep. I gave serious consideration to drinking a mug of tea to help me sleep but that only brought more thoughts of Francine and why Cor had been there to see me dance. I looked at the open window and the roof beyond and developed a need to sleep out in the open like I used to.
I found the wooden shakes too uncomfortable once I was out there so I knew my idea of sleeping on them was too foolish to try; but I did decide that I was going to sleep there for a while. I leaned against the wall, hidden in a shadow so no one below would see me, and then let my mind wander in the stars above.
Hours later I heard the latch on the door lift and the door pushed open.
“Hush Cor or do you wish to wake the whole building? I’m surprised Fel hasn’t already come in search of you.” I only heard a loud bit of mumbling and then the bed make a loud squeak. “Wait here. I’ll see if she’s in the sitting area.”
“She’s gone I tell you … gone. For good.”
I heard the Captain mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, “Idiot boy.”
I clambered back in the window and smelled it right away. “How much has he drunk?” I asked making the Captain jump.
“Where … ?” He looked out the window then back at me and said, “You may feel the need to go out there for a bit again.”
I shook my head. “No. I’ll sit in the chair to make sure he doesn’t fall out of the bed.”
The Captain and I removed Cor’s boots and then as he made to leave he said, “You don’t seem surprised.”
“Winnie told me.”
“Oh.” After a moment he tried to say, “Fel, he’ll …”
“Stop,” I said holding up my hand for emphasis. “No more. No more meddling or excuses or anything else. I’m tired of it all; it’s like ashes on my tonge. I’ll live with the way things are so stop worrying. But if you want to make it easier for me just … just stop with the fairy stories. I don’t need ‘em. Don’t want ‘em. Life is what it is. The sooner we all come to accept it the easier we’ll all sleep.”
Quietly he said, “Very well.” He turned to leave then turned back and add, “You’re a good girl Fel … a good Mistress for the estate. If that is all Cor can see you as then he’s still a dem sight luckier than he was before.”
I latched the door behind him and then moved the chair so I could prop my feet on the bed. I needed some rest, after all tomorrow would be just another day.
“Hannah, is Docia really serious about wanting to do this?”
My bleary-eyed sister, the mother of unexpected twins, looked at me and asked, “Would I be here if she wasn’t? I was up all night with the babies and Nel is going to bounce more than dance though this.”
I snickered because it was true; Nel did look rather like a contest-sized pumpkin. “Is that one of Carter’s leather shirts or did you borrow someone’s tent to dress her in?”
Hannah snickered quietly but said, “You better not let her hear you. She’s … uh … a little sensitive at the moment and might decide to scalp you.”
Having already been singed a couple of times by the normally quiet young woman I decided the better part of valor was just to let the subject drop … but that meant we were back to discussing what we were all there for. I looked around and asked, “Has anyone tried talking her out of this?”
Nel pierced me with her light blue eyes and I took that for an affirmative. I sighed. Docia had her heart set on this and I didn’t want to disappoint her at all but wearing the ceremonial dress and moccasins that she had given me made me feel like I was playing dress up. “Docia, why could I not have just worn my old leathers. They are mine and …”
Docia looked at me sternly and wrinkled her nose. “Because they stink. You work in them all day and there aren’t any decorations on any of the parts.”
“They don’t stink … they’re just a little musky is all.”
Daphne said, “Musky in the same way a hound is musky after it has had a run in with a skunk. Stop fussing Fel and let me finish your hair. It’s even longer and thicker than Hannah’s and I want the braids and beads to look just right.”
“Ouch! Comb my hair not my ears!”
“Then sit still and stop wiggling!”
I groaned. “Docia …”
“Fel … you are going to be in this circle dance with us if I have to tie you to a pole and plant you in the middle. Wait … maybe that’s a good idea. We’ll tie ribbons to you and …”
“Don’t … you … dare!”
All of my sisters were there and laughed … even poor, uncomfortable Nel. They know I hate ribbons. It’s not anything against anyone that does like them but for me they are always catching on things or leaving bits and pieces of themselves for my enemies to track me with.
Docia’s brilliant idea was going to be the death of me. Somehow my sisters had turned being an Outlander into an asset. Or maybe it was just the way the families they married into treated them. On the other hand, while I wasn’t treated bad for being an Outlander I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Or maybe it wasn’t being an Outlander at all, maybe it was just being me. Either way this blasted circle dance was just going to make people stare even more than they already did.
“Docia, explain again why we are doing this?” I asked.
Docia gave me an exasperated glance before turning back to work on another sister’s braids. “I’ve already explained it Fel. Some of the wome from the different estates have shown off their sewing talents, some have shown off their singing or other musical talents. Some paint, some do other artsy crafts. Then there are the things that the families show off … like pottery or jewelry or ironwork. Each of us sisters have done things with the ones we married but it has been so long since we’ve all been together I wanted us to do something too … as a family. You know it’s right, so stop fussing.”
I rolled my eyes. “Says you. The whole lot of you are as pretty as spring roses … big bellied and blooming or blushing from being a new mother. I’m gonna look like a stick … or a brick … and I’ll wind up embarrassing myself, you, and … and the family I live with.”
Strangely enough it was Daphne of all people that put her hand on me in comfort. “Fel there isn’t a thing wrong with the way you look. You’re just built like a warrior and not soft and rounded like we are. And I can’t imagine you looking any other way. It is part of who you are and if people can’t accept that then that is their problem not yours. Now turn here and let me color your eyes.”
I squawked, “What?! Now I said I would play dress up with you lot but I’m not putting war paint on my face.”
Daphne snatched my ear and kept me from leaving the stool I had been sitting on. “It isn’t war paint and you know it. You think I want to ruin the effect by painting your face so you can hide in the bushes? Or is that what you really want because you are trying to slip away unseen?”
Nel snickered and said, “What you get for calling me a pumpkin earlier.”
“Humph.” I have to admit I was having fun for all the fuss and bother of it. What I wasn’t looking forward to was going out and getting stared at.
Docia started lining us up as we had practiced for years. “You go in front Fel.”
“Why do I have to go in front?!”
Docia stamped her foot. “Because you start us off just like always and that means you either go in front or last and since I can’t seem to trust that you’ll actually make it to the stage if I let you go last then in front it is and that’s that.”
I groused, “You weren’t so bossy when we were just girls.”
She snorted, “But you were so you can imagine who I learned it from. Now stop being such a scaredy-cat and dance for Cor if you can’t do it for us.”
I found some steel for my spine at her words and knew that if I didn’t want to make a complete fool of myself I needed to start acting with a little more grace. I mumbled, “I’ll just pretend we are playing by the stream like we used to. No one is around, just us.”
Docia smiled and I realized she really was beautiful now that she was taken care of the way she was always supposed to be and not always having to look over her shoulder, worrying which monster was going to try and get her next.
In some clans there are instruments and words that go along with their dances but in our town the women only used their hands and feet to mark the beat they danced by. The music came as the claps and stomps and steps wove together like the ribbons wove together as we circled around the pole that stood in the center. The only other sound was made by the dance leader to call the sudden changes in steps that came faster and faster and faster as the dance reached its finale.
As we walked onto the dais that was being used as a stage people didn’t quiet down like they did for other performers and I knew from a few covert looks they were trying to put us in our place. That more than anything gave me the courage to go on. I chirped the first moves and in no time, despite my intent to rub the faces of the crowd into the dust, I had forgotten all about them as my sisters and I relived one of the few pleasures that had been allowed to us.
Round and round then reverse and round. Stomp and clap. Bob and weave. I whistled, chirped, and called. Twist, snap, stomp. Round and reverse. As we moved the ribbons began to weave and unweave. The steps sped up and it was a game to see how fast we could move in time and not cause a knot.
Now we were all smiling and laughing … stomping, clapping, bobbing, round and round, revers and round again. We’d gone faster as girls but I don’t think we’d ever moved as sure footed. Then in one quick flash of feet moving so fast they were nothing but a blur, hands flying this way and that with our partners, the dance came to an crashing end and the ribbon was perfectly woven and tied in bows all along the poles length.
There was utter silence then Carter jumped over the table he’d been sitting on and swooped Hannah up into a huge boyish hug and said, “Gosh all mighty Wife, I sure gotta prize in you!”
Carter’s brother wasn’t so far behind but he stopped short when Nel said, “You’re not dumping me on my head. I’m so heavy I’ll snap your back … a kiss’ll do just fine thankee.”
Soon there was laughing and clapping all around and other husbands came forward to claim their wives. I saw Lem bending and kissing Daphne’s hand like she was royalty out of some storybook before placing her hand in the crook of his arm and leading her off. Others were drawing their wives away for a cool drink … we were all hot and sweating from the dance. Robbie claimed Docia and I hugged her and then turned and wove my way to go off stage. I hadn’t seen Cor and I was bound and determined that no one was going to see how alone I was.
I was all changed out of the leathers and back into my own clothes when Winnie found me. “Here you are. I had wondered where you had gotten to.”
Her voice was over bright which told me she’d noticed that I was the only one to walk off stage alone. I refused to be an object of pity. I told her, “I wanted to take this off and air them out. They belong to Docia. Besides these ornaments clinking and clanking drive me mad; I can barely hear myself think with them on. Give me a moment to finish packing these in her bag. Was there anything you needed?”
“Fel … he meant to be here …”
“Hmmm?” I asked like I hadn’t really been listening to the question the first time around.
“Fel … please, let me explain. The divorce papers came in and the council wanted them signed right away.”
I stopped dead still. “Of course they would. They couldn’t leave the man alone for just one night could they? No, they want to sweep things under the rug as fast as possible regardless of how they do it.”
“Don’t be mad at him.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I wasn’t mad at him to begin with.”
“Then who are you mad at? The Council? They are just trying to do their job.”
I snorted. “That’s your opinion. But no, not the council either. Myself. For being a foolish maid.” She put her hand on my arm and I jerked away. “Just leave it be Winnie. It is what it is.”
I walked away. I think she would have followed me but some woman or other called her and then hugged her in some boisterous greeting. I made my way to the room I’d been sleeping in. I was in no mood for any more celebrations and just wanted to escape in sleep. I gave serious consideration to drinking a mug of tea to help me sleep but that only brought more thoughts of Francine and why Cor had been there to see me dance. I looked at the open window and the roof beyond and developed a need to sleep out in the open like I used to.
I found the wooden shakes too uncomfortable once I was out there so I knew my idea of sleeping on them was too foolish to try; but I did decide that I was going to sleep there for a while. I leaned against the wall, hidden in a shadow so no one below would see me, and then let my mind wander in the stars above.
Hours later I heard the latch on the door lift and the door pushed open.
“Hush Cor or do you wish to wake the whole building? I’m surprised Fel hasn’t already come in search of you.” I only heard a loud bit of mumbling and then the bed make a loud squeak. “Wait here. I’ll see if she’s in the sitting area.”
“She’s gone I tell you … gone. For good.”
I heard the Captain mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, “Idiot boy.”
I clambered back in the window and smelled it right away. “How much has he drunk?” I asked making the Captain jump.
“Where … ?” He looked out the window then back at me and said, “You may feel the need to go out there for a bit again.”
I shook my head. “No. I’ll sit in the chair to make sure he doesn’t fall out of the bed.”
The Captain and I removed Cor’s boots and then as he made to leave he said, “You don’t seem surprised.”
“Winnie told me.”
“Oh.” After a moment he tried to say, “Fel, he’ll …”
“Stop,” I said holding up my hand for emphasis. “No more. No more meddling or excuses or anything else. I’m tired of it all; it’s like ashes on my tonge. I’ll live with the way things are so stop worrying. But if you want to make it easier for me just … just stop with the fairy stories. I don’t need ‘em. Don’t want ‘em. Life is what it is. The sooner we all come to accept it the easier we’ll all sleep.”
Quietly he said, “Very well.” He turned to leave then turned back and add, “You’re a good girl Fel … a good Mistress for the estate. If that is all Cor can see you as then he’s still a dem sight luckier than he was before.”
I latched the door behind him and then moved the chair so I could prop my feet on the bed. I needed some rest, after all tomorrow would be just another day.
juco
Veteran Member
No kidding. That chapter left my heart heavy for Fel like none of the others have.
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Oh yeah going and getting drunk, yep idiot. Thank you. I check this constantly lol.
Landcruiser
Contributing Member
Getting Drunk was not a good idea on the surface But... one wife just left you, forgot you, got married again immediately... and you just horribly disappointed the other one, you know it, feel like a total JA and don't know how to make any of it right or make sense.... sometimes it just drives you to self indulgence to drown your sorrows weather that be beer or ice cream, it really is the same... the beer just has other bad wrapped all around it if you do it too often or at the wrong time...
He'll get his head on straight, it'll just take him a while... and really, how many of us would bounce back quickly if your spouse left you like that? Divorce papers are never easy, fortunately I have never had the opportunity to have to sign any...
He'll get his head on straight, it'll just take him a while... and really, how many of us would bounce back quickly if your spouse left you like that? Divorce papers are never easy, fortunately I have never had the opportunity to have to sign any...
223shootersc
Veteran Member
thanks for the new chapters, seems Fel can not buy a break
2ndEviltwin
Inactive
ooo so much good story time in a short wile. Thank you. 
Genevieve
working on it
Amen!
Just how much is she gonna take is the question. I mean, she does have some pride, right?
SheWoff
Southern by choice
If it were me, when Fel went out the window to sleep on the roof, I would have kept right on going. A person can only take so much rejection, love or not, before they give up on loving that person. Rejection like that has a way of crushing the light out of your eyes and your soul. I hope someone knocks some sense into Cor in a hurry, before Fel decides she has had all she is gonna take. And if it wasn't for Topher, Mrs. Wiley & Johnah I think she would have already left the estate.
Please, Mother Hen, may I have some MOARRRRRRRRR????????
She
I'm dying to see what y'all make of this chapter. LOL!
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Chapter 60
"Try to hit the bucket this time will you?" The only response I got was a moan and the wet sound of slop hitting slop. Shaking my head I said, "Next drunk you take, I would stay away from that fancy swill you was drinking. It obviously doesn't set well on your stomach."
"Never *heave* never ever *gag* again *retch* !!"
I snorted derisively. "Never say never. You're a man ain't ya?"
More retching then he decided to get right by praying, "Oh God."
Not feeling particularly angelic myself I told him, "I wouldn't plan on Him answering for a bit. For one your breath could knock a grizz out and has probably evaporated your words before they could get where you were sending them. And for two, you deserve a worse head than you've got you lunkhead. I can't believe you thought I'd take off just 'cause you missed a dumb ol' dance."
More groaning and retching met my words but he was still bowing at the bucket like it had become a deity in his life.
I had the window up trying to keep the room aired out but was only half way successful. I griped, "And what on earth did you eat any way? Ewwww!"
"Fel ... I ... I ... sor ... sorrrrr ... *retch*"
I shook my head. "Focus less on sorry and more on aim or you will be cleaning this up yourself," I told him with absolutely no sympathy.
-------
Three days later we left the fort to return to the estate. Cor had developed a mild fever after his hard drunk and got a huge lecture from Robbie's father. Didn't get Cor better any quicker but it apparently made a few other folks feel better. Cor and I only spoke one more time about it.
I was packing my things early so I could have one last full day with my sisters before we left. He came into the room and said, "You haven't had your turn."
"Turn for what?" I asked busier counting my underthings to make sure I had them all than listening to him say sorry again.
"At roasting me."
I sighed and stopped what I was doing. "Cor I'm not interested in wasting my breath. You are a man full grown. If you take it into your head to get a drunk on there is not a blessed thing I can do about it."
Both looking and sounding like a sorry hound that was waiting for a kick he said, "I missed your dance."
"And?"
"You have to be angry."
I shook my head. "I don't have to be anything. I certainly don't have to be angry. To be honest I just don't have it in me to get angry over this anymore. It is what it is. You're hurting enough for both of us and I would be a fool to not understand that. And since I'm not partial to acting or feeling foolish I say just let it go."
Trying to sidle up to me he said, "Winnie said you were disappointed."
Getting aggravated I said, "Cor I know the difference between what is important and what isn't. The dance wasn't. Now I am done talking about this." And to make the point I left the room and didn't see him again until we went to dinner.
The ride in the carriage was a quiet one. Rachel was sleeping and we all wanted her to stay that way. We were all in the same carriage this time because the other was filled with trade goods and things that the estate people had sent to the fort for for their personal pleasure. It slowed us down a bit but that was fine as I had no desire to be bounced around like we had been on the trip out.
Looking out once I saw Topher scrambling about and watched him nearly fall off the top of the wagon carrying the luggage and remaining goods we were bringing back with us. He turned with a triumphant look on his face only caught that it hadn't just been the men watching him but me as well. The Captain chuckled and said, "If that boy moves more than a few inches the rest of the trip I'll be surprised. That is a truly fierce look you just gave him."
I growled, "He better hope I cool down before we get back to the estate or a look isn't all he is going to get." Cor and the Captain both snorted in sympathy with the boy until Winnie shushed them and reminded them who'd be taking care of Rachel if they woke her from her nap.
The trip home was an otherwise uneventful one and once back and unpacked with all of our hellos said and a good night’s rest under our belt work returned to normal though the season was cooler and wetter than had been for a few years presaging another unusual winter though those with arthritis refused to say for sure yet whether that was a good thing or bad. The unusual weather also exacerbated the reported illnesses among the remaining bands of raiders. They carried the illness into the territories surrounding Kipling that had harbored and then allied with them and because of this the threat of attack greatly diminished as the days went by and would likely disappear as those that managed to survive would be rushing back to where they came from before winter set in.
We replaced the few trees in the orchard that had been lost. All of the fire damage was finally repaired on the estate wall and in the village and work groups went from estate farms to outlying farms to help them as well. June changed to July and the harvests proceeded as they were supposed to. In fact everything was proceeding as it should except it all felt so empty.
I tried. I truly did. I went through the motions. Cor and I spoke to one another but something was missing that had once been there and I didn't know how to recapture it. Worse, as bad as I felt I wasn't sure if I wanted to try to. I wasn't sure I could open that part of myself again and still play the role life had apparently given me.
One afternoon I took a hike to Tumbler's Spring by myself; I just needed some time alone. But I wasn't to get it. I had put a fishing line in the water and was just beginning to relax when Cor showed up. "A moment of your time Mistress Fel?"
I grimaced. "Ok, just drop the title ... it sounds silly when you say it."
"Why?" he wanted to know.
I shrugged. "I don't know, it just does."
We sat together quietly for a few minutes but I no longer felt relaxed. Finally Cor said, "Luke came by this morning."
I rolled my eyes but kept them on the line I had in the water. "What did he want?"
"He is putting together a run to the northeast. I'm thinking of going."
I was definitely no longer relaxed. "What?!"
He sighed, "I take it you aren't in favor."
I jerked my line from the water and snapped, "No I am not in favor. You are just now getting your full strength back but you still have a fever every now and again."
He sighed. "I have to go at some point."
"I know that. But go after you actually have a decent chance of coming back!
“What if I told you I needed to go?”
Frustrated I answered, “I’d still want to know the reason.”
He sat with his back against a tree but he looked no more relaxed or comfortable than I. “Nothing has been the same since Francine left. It has only gotten worse since the night I signed the papers. Perhaps if I go, some distance will grow and I’ll be able to manage the results.”
Suddenly I was furious. “Curse her anyway for doing something and leaving us to try and fix the mess! Again! Look what she has left us with this time!”
Trying to calm me Cor said, “It is not Francine's fault. She’s ill. There just wasn’t enough love to fix it and then it died.”
Desperately I told him, “Then fall in love again.”
He shook his head, “I do not wish to fall in love again.”
I knew it but to hear him say it made me hurt for both of us but I was determined to not let him give up on his future and hurt himself. “All right then don't fall in love again. Find some new way to move forward. Adopt a son from one of the female lines of the Cormans. It seems you were related to have those silly boys at the festival. Find a young one the raise one of them to inherit. Don’t go haring off like this! The people need you.”
He shook his head not even pretending that he didn’t know what I was talking about. “They don't need me. You are the one that they go to; I don't even know half the things that you do.”
“And I knew none when I started. You learn as you go and you learn from who you work with. They’ll be more than happy to teach you!”
“It is too late,” he said quietly.
“It is never too late! You have to try. If you try and fail then that is still better than never trying at all. Francine stole your heart; do not let her steal your self-respect or your people's future!”
Then I saw it. A spark of anger … possibly of pride … in his eyes that hadn’t been there in a long while and I had hopes that I was reaching him. But I never got to find out whether I was or wasn’t because Jonah chose that moment to enter the clearing and say, “Hate ter interrupt but the Captain says ‘tis important. There’s riders at the house and Mistress Fel is needed right away.”
Irritated at the interruption I asked, “Who are they?”
“Don’t know Gilly. Cap’n didn’t say; all he’d comment was that it was important and that you were ter come right away.”
I looked back at Cor but I could see the moment for talk had passed. Gathering up my things I left without saying a word and jogged down the path trying to think what could be so important that the Captain would actually send for me.
By the time I got to the back of the house I was running full tilt and barely saw a little girl that was doing the same thing. I skidded to a stop in time but she couldn’t and she bounced off of me pretty hard and straight into the gravel that fills the drip line around the house. The poor mite got scared and started to cry. I was worried she’d really hurt herself but when I checked her over she’d only scraped a knee. She was pretty young so I simply picked her up to take her to Mrs. Wiley to ask who she belonged to, she wasn’t a child I recognized.
I turned the corner to the front of the house only to be confronted by a man calling sternly, “Felicia McConnell what are you into now?”
Hearing my name like that – very few people living know that my proper name is Felicia – I looked up to see a face that left me gasping for air. The little girl slid from my arms and ran to the man and I was caught between fear and confusion as he hoisted her up on his hip and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
All I could do was gasp, “Da?!”
----------------------------------
Chapter 60
"Try to hit the bucket this time will you?" The only response I got was a moan and the wet sound of slop hitting slop. Shaking my head I said, "Next drunk you take, I would stay away from that fancy swill you was drinking. It obviously doesn't set well on your stomach."
"Never *heave* never ever *gag* again *retch* !!"
I snorted derisively. "Never say never. You're a man ain't ya?"
More retching then he decided to get right by praying, "Oh God."
Not feeling particularly angelic myself I told him, "I wouldn't plan on Him answering for a bit. For one your breath could knock a grizz out and has probably evaporated your words before they could get where you were sending them. And for two, you deserve a worse head than you've got you lunkhead. I can't believe you thought I'd take off just 'cause you missed a dumb ol' dance."
More groaning and retching met my words but he was still bowing at the bucket like it had become a deity in his life.
I had the window up trying to keep the room aired out but was only half way successful. I griped, "And what on earth did you eat any way? Ewwww!"
"Fel ... I ... I ... sor ... sorrrrr ... *retch*"
I shook my head. "Focus less on sorry and more on aim or you will be cleaning this up yourself," I told him with absolutely no sympathy.
-------
Three days later we left the fort to return to the estate. Cor had developed a mild fever after his hard drunk and got a huge lecture from Robbie's father. Didn't get Cor better any quicker but it apparently made a few other folks feel better. Cor and I only spoke one more time about it.
I was packing my things early so I could have one last full day with my sisters before we left. He came into the room and said, "You haven't had your turn."
"Turn for what?" I asked busier counting my underthings to make sure I had them all than listening to him say sorry again.
"At roasting me."
I sighed and stopped what I was doing. "Cor I'm not interested in wasting my breath. You are a man full grown. If you take it into your head to get a drunk on there is not a blessed thing I can do about it."
Both looking and sounding like a sorry hound that was waiting for a kick he said, "I missed your dance."
"And?"
"You have to be angry."
I shook my head. "I don't have to be anything. I certainly don't have to be angry. To be honest I just don't have it in me to get angry over this anymore. It is what it is. You're hurting enough for both of us and I would be a fool to not understand that. And since I'm not partial to acting or feeling foolish I say just let it go."
Trying to sidle up to me he said, "Winnie said you were disappointed."
Getting aggravated I said, "Cor I know the difference between what is important and what isn't. The dance wasn't. Now I am done talking about this." And to make the point I left the room and didn't see him again until we went to dinner.
The ride in the carriage was a quiet one. Rachel was sleeping and we all wanted her to stay that way. We were all in the same carriage this time because the other was filled with trade goods and things that the estate people had sent to the fort for for their personal pleasure. It slowed us down a bit but that was fine as I had no desire to be bounced around like we had been on the trip out.
Looking out once I saw Topher scrambling about and watched him nearly fall off the top of the wagon carrying the luggage and remaining goods we were bringing back with us. He turned with a triumphant look on his face only caught that it hadn't just been the men watching him but me as well. The Captain chuckled and said, "If that boy moves more than a few inches the rest of the trip I'll be surprised. That is a truly fierce look you just gave him."
I growled, "He better hope I cool down before we get back to the estate or a look isn't all he is going to get." Cor and the Captain both snorted in sympathy with the boy until Winnie shushed them and reminded them who'd be taking care of Rachel if they woke her from her nap.
The trip home was an otherwise uneventful one and once back and unpacked with all of our hellos said and a good night’s rest under our belt work returned to normal though the season was cooler and wetter than had been for a few years presaging another unusual winter though those with arthritis refused to say for sure yet whether that was a good thing or bad. The unusual weather also exacerbated the reported illnesses among the remaining bands of raiders. They carried the illness into the territories surrounding Kipling that had harbored and then allied with them and because of this the threat of attack greatly diminished as the days went by and would likely disappear as those that managed to survive would be rushing back to where they came from before winter set in.
We replaced the few trees in the orchard that had been lost. All of the fire damage was finally repaired on the estate wall and in the village and work groups went from estate farms to outlying farms to help them as well. June changed to July and the harvests proceeded as they were supposed to. In fact everything was proceeding as it should except it all felt so empty.
I tried. I truly did. I went through the motions. Cor and I spoke to one another but something was missing that had once been there and I didn't know how to recapture it. Worse, as bad as I felt I wasn't sure if I wanted to try to. I wasn't sure I could open that part of myself again and still play the role life had apparently given me.
One afternoon I took a hike to Tumbler's Spring by myself; I just needed some time alone. But I wasn't to get it. I had put a fishing line in the water and was just beginning to relax when Cor showed up. "A moment of your time Mistress Fel?"
I grimaced. "Ok, just drop the title ... it sounds silly when you say it."
"Why?" he wanted to know.
I shrugged. "I don't know, it just does."
We sat together quietly for a few minutes but I no longer felt relaxed. Finally Cor said, "Luke came by this morning."
I rolled my eyes but kept them on the line I had in the water. "What did he want?"
"He is putting together a run to the northeast. I'm thinking of going."
I was definitely no longer relaxed. "What?!"
He sighed, "I take it you aren't in favor."
I jerked my line from the water and snapped, "No I am not in favor. You are just now getting your full strength back but you still have a fever every now and again."
He sighed. "I have to go at some point."
"I know that. But go after you actually have a decent chance of coming back!
“What if I told you I needed to go?”
Frustrated I answered, “I’d still want to know the reason.”
He sat with his back against a tree but he looked no more relaxed or comfortable than I. “Nothing has been the same since Francine left. It has only gotten worse since the night I signed the papers. Perhaps if I go, some distance will grow and I’ll be able to manage the results.”
Suddenly I was furious. “Curse her anyway for doing something and leaving us to try and fix the mess! Again! Look what she has left us with this time!”
Trying to calm me Cor said, “It is not Francine's fault. She’s ill. There just wasn’t enough love to fix it and then it died.”
Desperately I told him, “Then fall in love again.”
He shook his head, “I do not wish to fall in love again.”
I knew it but to hear him say it made me hurt for both of us but I was determined to not let him give up on his future and hurt himself. “All right then don't fall in love again. Find some new way to move forward. Adopt a son from one of the female lines of the Cormans. It seems you were related to have those silly boys at the festival. Find a young one the raise one of them to inherit. Don’t go haring off like this! The people need you.”
He shook his head not even pretending that he didn’t know what I was talking about. “They don't need me. You are the one that they go to; I don't even know half the things that you do.”
“And I knew none when I started. You learn as you go and you learn from who you work with. They’ll be more than happy to teach you!”
“It is too late,” he said quietly.
“It is never too late! You have to try. If you try and fail then that is still better than never trying at all. Francine stole your heart; do not let her steal your self-respect or your people's future!”
Then I saw it. A spark of anger … possibly of pride … in his eyes that hadn’t been there in a long while and I had hopes that I was reaching him. But I never got to find out whether I was or wasn’t because Jonah chose that moment to enter the clearing and say, “Hate ter interrupt but the Captain says ‘tis important. There’s riders at the house and Mistress Fel is needed right away.”
Irritated at the interruption I asked, “Who are they?”
“Don’t know Gilly. Cap’n didn’t say; all he’d comment was that it was important and that you were ter come right away.”
I looked back at Cor but I could see the moment for talk had passed. Gathering up my things I left without saying a word and jogged down the path trying to think what could be so important that the Captain would actually send for me.
By the time I got to the back of the house I was running full tilt and barely saw a little girl that was doing the same thing. I skidded to a stop in time but she couldn’t and she bounced off of me pretty hard and straight into the gravel that fills the drip line around the house. The poor mite got scared and started to cry. I was worried she’d really hurt herself but when I checked her over she’d only scraped a knee. She was pretty young so I simply picked her up to take her to Mrs. Wiley to ask who she belonged to, she wasn’t a child I recognized.
I turned the corner to the front of the house only to be confronted by a man calling sternly, “Felicia McConnell what are you into now?”
Hearing my name like that – very few people living know that my proper name is Felicia – I looked up to see a face that left me gasping for air. The little girl slid from my arms and ran to the man and I was caught between fear and confusion as he hoisted her up on his hip and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
All I could do was gasp, “Da?!”
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
I wondered when those relatives of hers were going to show up lol. Thank you.
Landcruiser
Contributing Member
Ahhhh... there is another chapter in store for us tonight, right!!!!???
Maybe Cor and Francine were so attracted because they were so broken, each in different ways. He is taking a very long time to heal, and we aren't sure at this point if he can. Fel has plenty of old hurts too, especially from losing her beloved family, so if her McConnell family enters (or re-enters) the scene, it will be a game changer because she may be able to shed her sorrow and sad expectation that she's not going to get much from this life.
Hudsonhawk
Member
Oh cliff how we love to hate you...
Wow! So were the McConnell's at the fair after all?
Cor's a jerk and I don't care what Fel said about him not being at the dance. It was a very public, low down and hurtful thing he did leaving her standing there by herself. The entire affair was supposed to be for appearances sake, so that was quite a statement he made. And there's loyal Fel holding the vomit bucket for him.
He does not wish to fall in love again! In other words you stay here and work for me while I take off and have fun and find myself. Meanwhile enjoy your ruined life.
If Francine can get out of the marriage so can Fel and I hope the McConnell at the doorstep will make it happen.
Kathy, this is a departure from your strong characters that find each other and forge their happily ever after life together.
I just hope that when she leaves she takes Topher with her. As long as I'm expressing my hopes about your story, (presumptuous of me I know) how about Fel's story part two. There still has to be a happily ever after out there for her.
This story is excellent, and I don't think there is anyway that Cor can be redeemed, but if it is possible, only your amazing talent can do it.
It's not too late for another chapter is it? It's only 12:38 lol
Cor's a jerk and I don't care what Fel said about him not being at the dance. It was a very public, low down and hurtful thing he did leaving her standing there by herself. The entire affair was supposed to be for appearances sake, so that was quite a statement he made. And there's loyal Fel holding the vomit bucket for him.
He does not wish to fall in love again! In other words you stay here and work for me while I take off and have fun and find myself. Meanwhile enjoy your ruined life.
If Francine can get out of the marriage so can Fel and I hope the McConnell at the doorstep will make it happen.
Kathy, this is a departure from your strong characters that find each other and forge their happily ever after life together.
I just hope that when she leaves she takes Topher with her. As long as I'm expressing my hopes about your story, (presumptuous of me I know) how about Fel's story part two. There still has to be a happily ever after out there for her.
This story is excellent, and I don't think there is anyway that Cor can be redeemed, but if it is possible, only your amazing talent can do it.
It's not too late for another chapter is it? It's only 12:38 lol
Ewwww...slop hitting slop,retch, gag. What pictures you paint.... Even with all that Cor still doesn't realize that Fel loves him or she wouldn't be there cleaning up after him. So is this her Da's brother? Or wasn't it really her Da who she saw get scalped and if it is why did he name another little girl her name.? So..does she have a little cousin or sister? Enquiring minds want to know.
Thank you for another great chapter.
Thank you for another great chapter.
SheWoff
Southern by choice
Ok, so I went to Dover today but I swear I never brought HIM back with me! LOLOL.
Hummm I think I would have shoved Cor's head into the FULL bucket and left him to it. Poor Fel, to hear him say he doesn't want to fall in love again after all she has been doing all along to get him just to notice her feelings for him. What a horses behind Cor is turning out to be! He needs to man up, buck up and put his big boy drawers on! So whhhhaaaa Francine left, best that she did too. Get over it now and notice what's in front of your face Cor...before it's too late...and after what he just told Fel, it might be anyways. Maybe her uncle? da? can help those two set things to rights. Lord knows Winnie and her mamby hubby aren't going to. LOL...sorry...got a bit worked up there huh?!
Well thank you for the late chapter...was interesting and as always , a great read....maybe we will get lucky and find another one in the morning...well we can hope LOL
She
Hummm I think I would have shoved Cor's head into the FULL bucket and left him to it. Poor Fel, to hear him say he doesn't want to fall in love again after all she has been doing all along to get him just to notice her feelings for him. What a horses behind Cor is turning out to be! He needs to man up, buck up and put his big boy drawers on! So whhhhaaaa Francine left, best that she did too. Get over it now and notice what's in front of your face Cor...before it's too late...and after what he just told Fel, it might be anyways. Maybe her uncle? da? can help those two set things to rights. Lord knows Winnie and her mamby hubby aren't going to. LOL...sorry...got a bit worked up there huh?!
Well thank you for the late chapter...was interesting and as always , a great read....maybe we will get lucky and find another one in the morning...well we can hope LOL
She
Chapter 61
The man I was staring at in horror put the little girl down and told her to go get her brother. All I could do was just stand there and force myself to remember how to breathe. A boy who would have been about Georgie’s age came jogging up and I started seeing spots. Georgie had had the exact same shaped ears and the same snub nose.
I did not like the buzzing that had begun in my head and I stepped back. “No. You ... you can't be. I buried you. You and Ma and Georgie and Gran. I buried you. I ...”
I took yet another step backwards and jumped when I ran into something that shouldn’t have been there. Turning I see what it was I found a man a bit older than the first that somehow looks even more like Da than the other apparition did. Not only is my head buzzing but now I’m seeing spots in front of my eyes and I can feel myself sliding to the ground. I would have gone all the way but the older man tries to grab me bringing out my survival instincts. I evade his hold but rather than be upset as I expected, my move elicits a strange response.
The second man looks at the first and says, “By God, she got out of that the same way Dred would have ... the exact move.”
I froze. My Da’s proper name was Dredward the same way mine was Felicia only most knew him by Dred. Snarling, falling back to my harshest Outlander feelings of self-preservation, I demand, “What do you know of my Da?!”
The Captain came forward and gently said, “Easy Fel. Do you remember long ago when I questioned you about where your father came from?”
Thinking back but only having a vague recollection of it I said, “I suppose.”
He took a step closer and then got between me and the men. “Well, I’ve had occasion to deal with the territory of Dover on occasion over the years – it lies a bit northeast from here – and found it extremely strange that you would know of the place. They aren’t what you would call friendly to strangers.
The older of the two men smiled and said, “Now now Rob, you’re being a bit harsh don’t ya think? We haven’t skinned a stranger in years.”
The young boy said, “Oh Uncle George, don’t say that, you’re gonna scare her.”
His father said, “She doesn’t look scared to me. A little too familiar with that Green River she’s fingering the hilt of if you want to know the truth.”
When I continued to just stare at the two of them the older man asked, “Aren’t you the least bit interested in finding out who we are?”
I snorted, “I figure you’ll eventually get around to telling me. Men are like that.”
A young woman I hadn’t seen stepped from behind some horses and started laughing. “Wow, you are just like Aunt Felicia, look like her too. Mother tells us stories of when they were all younger together and I I bet she was just like you. Mother said she was the terror of all the boys in the village.”
It took a bit of time for me to calm down but when Winnie came out and put her arm around me and said, “These are your family Dear … your father’s people” all I could do was stare.
The older of the two men was George McConnell, the eldest brother. There was an older sister and she was the one named Aunt Felicia. Then there was another sister named Sarah who was married and traveling with her husband while they surveyed some land far to the north. Then came my Da in line. The youngest was the man that had first startled me and his name was Winston … though he said, “I freely give you leave to call me Uncle Win as the only person that called me Winston was my mother and only when she was less than pleased about something.”
George said, “Which was most of the time.” A bellowing laugh followed that pronouncement though “Uncle Win” didn’t seem to mind and in fact seemed to relish the idea.
The young woman was George’s daughter and her name was June. She is the one that explained, “Everyone gets named after someone. There are a lot of Felicia’s in the family as you’ve no doubt realized. I’m named after mother’s side of the family. She said there was no way she was going to add yet another Felicia to the village roster.”
Still stunned by the idea that I had a family … a blood one … I said quietly as we sat on the porch eating snacks that Mrs. Wiley supplied, “I had a little brother. We called him Georgie.”
The older man looked choked up at the idea. “Dred and I … we … we didn’t part on the best of terms. I sided with father, tried to force him into working the surveyor teams when all he really wanted to do was make blades and the like. Can’t believe he’d … he’d name a son …”
I told the older man what my Da had told me. “Da said there once was a little boy who got stuck in a tree. His brother went up the tree but when he got there all he did was tell him how to climb down by himself. He cried for his brother to take him down but the older brother refused and insisted that the young boy do it himself. He said ‘Fel, I was that little boy and my brother George is the one that taught me how to climb down that tree. When I asked him why he said because he might not be around next time and he didn’t want to see me get hurt. He didn’t just teach me to climb down a tree that day, he set my feet on a different path, one of not having to rely on others to get me out of scrapes I would get into.’” I smiled at the memory for a moment then finished by telling him, “He went on to tell me that’s one of the reasons he taught me all the things he did, that he didn’t want me to rely on folks that might not always be there.”
Uncle George’s eyes were suspiciously bright and he lost his voice for a bit. June asked me, “What else did your father tell you?”
“Oh this and that.” I repeated a few of the stories that I’d grown up hearing and my relatives would add bits and pieces that I’d never known about.
After one such story I told them “He’d tell me tales but sometimes the stories made him sad. He didn’t regret finding his own life but he regretted having to leave his family behind to do it.”
Uncle Win nodded and said, “Dred always had a mind of his own.” He sighed. “Rob told us … how Dred died. Do you think you are up to telling us yourself?”
So I did and somehow, while it hurt as it always did, this time it was like Da was there with me and giving me the strength to share what had to be told.”
Cor had followed me back from the spring but he stayed to the side of the crowd of people on the porch, letting me handle how much I wanted to get to know my family although he insisted on telling how I’d fought in the battle … even saying he was proud of all that I had accomplished then and on the estate when he wasn’t around. It surprised me when he said it and something began ticking that I had thought had stopped for the last time. He was also honest about how I’d been treated unfairly and that he was sorry for the misunderstanding that had put me in the position I was in.
Towards the evening Uncle George said, “Well, if there was any doubt in the beginning there’s now none. You’re definitely a McConnell, the daughter of my brother we thought lost to us forever. And even though he no longer walks this earth, you’re still here and I want you to know as I’m sure the rest of the family does, that you have a place with us and a free to come live with us should that be your choice.”
I was stunned. I’d never given serious thought to finding my father’s family. To me they were simply a legend, ground in truth but forever out of my reach. And then when I least expect it they show up … and then not only that do they accept me, they tell me I have a place with them. It was a lot to take in. It was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what to say … and then suddenly, as if my Da was whispering in my ear, I did.
With as much dignity as I could muster I told them all, “I would like to visit one day but for now what I want isn't as important as what I’ve committed to here. You tell me my father was always one to do things his way and if nothing else I have always been my father’s daughter." To no one and everyone I said, “My place is here. I won't abandon Corman.” In my mind I thought, let them make of that what they will.
While many people seemed disappointed and a couple seemed stunned my Uncle George smiled and said, “I’ll hold you to that visit now … an one or more of us may just be back around before you know it to bring our sister who is not going to be willing to believe it until she sees for herself the face of her namesake. As a matter of fact, though we’ll need to be back on the road tomorrow to meet up with the convoy we are traveling with, I’d like June to sketch you out so we can take your likeness with us.”
My family and I talked late into the night and then while I’d only just found out about their existence it was a wrench to watch them leave the next day.
Winnie asked me as they rode away, “Are you sure Fel? It isn’t too late.”
I shook my head. “No. My Da told plenty of stories of his family and he did love and miss them but the reason he left is because they were forever trying to order his life for him. He wasn’t a person to take to that. To be himself he had to leave and roam far away from their influence. And while I know I like these people who are my Da’s family, they were already telling me what I’d do if I came to live with them, how my life would be ordered and how I would fit in.” I shook my head again. “I reckon I’ve got enough meddlesome people around here. I don’t need to go find more that are even worse.”
She’s hugged my neck and seemed to understand what I wasn’t saying. Mrs. Wiley and Jonah beamed and I had to peel Topher off of me so that he wouldn’t be late for his chores. “Yers not leaving me!” he said happily.
“Of course not,” I replied. “I’ve still got enough to teach you that should keep you busy for quite a while yet. And when I do go to visit, assuming you want to, you can come with me and we’ll both see a bit more of the world.”
That seemed to satisfy him and he left with a kick in his heels that cause the mule he was riding to give me a disgruntled look as if to say, “Did you need to wind him up quite this much?”
The rest of the day people kept coming by like they couldn’t believe I was still around. They kept getting underfoot but for some reason I didn’t mind. It was nice to know that people were happy I’d chosen to stay. But after the late hour the night before and the excitement of trying to get on with my life during the day, I was ready to go see my pillow as soon as dinner was done. As tired as I was thought there was still much to do before I could seek my rest.
I washed a basin of underthings and hung them to dry by in the corner of the room. I washed my hair because it had gotten full of prickles when I’d had to dig a nest of kittens out of a clump of bushes to save them from a snake that had gone in after them. Then a few more things here and there and before I knew it, the hour was much later than I had meant to be up and about.
I had drawn down my covers and had just put my foot on my bed stool when there was a knock at the cabin door. Thinking that the only thing that would bring someone to my door at such a late hour was an emergency I ran over and opened the door without looking first.
It was Cor and he was standing there looking like a lost pup. I didn’t know what to say and just stood there in shock looking at him. Finally he mumbled, "I ... I can't sleep."
Blinking in surprise I told him, “I wouldn't be able to sleep standing out in the damp and chill either.”
He continued to just stand there looking lost, neither going nor coming. Finally I took his hand and drew him in. He continued to seem like he was only half in this world so I led him to the rocker by the fire where he finally sat. I sat in the chair and stared at the fire with him. Finally I’m beyond wondering and turn to ask him what he’s doing here only he is asleep.
All I can do is cover him with the bear skin so he won’t catch a fever and go climb into my own bed. In no time I was asleep as well but right before dawn I waken to the feel of him laying the bear skin back over me and then creeping from the cabin quietly.
I wasn’t sure what to make of his night time visit. I would have asked but I didn’t see him at all that day. I thought perhaps he was avoiding me until Jonah mentioned that he’d gone to inspect the roof on one of the grain silos at the rice production facility. He didn’t even make it back for dinner so I decided to let it go. He’d seemed half asleep and I thought perhaps he was now ashamed of what he’d done.
But I was no sooner ready for bed than there was a familiar knock at the cabin door. This time I opened it with more caution but that only seemed to make him stand there even longer and say even less. Again I took his hand and he came willingly enough and sat in the rocker. As soon as he was there he seemed to ease and then go to sleep. All I could do was shake my head at his strange behavior.
This continued for a week and I began to suspect that Cor was simply trying to replicate the normalcy we’d once managed to create. I decided if it brought him comfort and made him feel closer to Francine somehow that who was I to stop him. He did seem like he was more relaxed as the days passed, even Winnie remarked upon it, wondering what he was doing that was different. I certainly wasn’t about to enlighten her.
At the end of the week I expected him to go back to sleeping at his house but I have to admit it was nice to be reminded of the old days when we were more at ease in each other’s company. I refused to hope for much more than that. Perhaps it is helping him to come to terms with Francine’s loss.
But I got the biggest shock of my life when I was listlessly getting ready for bed on the eighth night when there was the familiar knock on the door. I was so surprised I almost didn’t answer it. But then I heard the scratch of his boots on the grit just outside the door and I ran over and threw it open.
This time he came in on his own but wandered around a bit before settling into the rocker. I sat in the chair beside him but time stretched and he didn’t go to sleep. Finally I found the courage to ask him, “Cor, why?”
Quietly he asked, “Does it bother you that I prefer it here?”
Honestly I tell him, “No. But you can't be resting well sitting up in that rocker. “
He just looks at me so I shrug and go to bed as always but then he gets up from the rocker, banks the fire and comes to stand by the edge of the bed. I move over and he silently climbs in and it was like it was before. He lies there stiffly for a moment and then slides into sleep but he always slips away before dawn.
I’m not sure what to make of it. Every night he comes. In fact tonight he didn’t even make a pretense of roaming around the room. I twisted my foot when the stool I’d been balancing on to reach a new braid of onions had tipped from in under me. Tonight he came earlier than he normally did and silently insisted on soaking my food and then wrapping it in a long cloth. Then he carried me to the bed without me asking and climbed in beside me. He was hardly stiff at all and then with a great sigh was asleep.
I wonder. Does he do this for me or for himself or is it something else entirely? If I could be sure he wouldn’t suddenly change again I think I could relax as easily as he has begun to. We still don’t talk much about anything except estate matters but he’s begun to ask me what I think of some plans he has for the future. Tonight he did the strangest thing of all. After we had settled in the bed he reached over and pulled my braid above the covers. I have no idea why. It was such a strange and simple thing but I don’t want to read more into it than what is there.
The man I was staring at in horror put the little girl down and told her to go get her brother. All I could do was just stand there and force myself to remember how to breathe. A boy who would have been about Georgie’s age came jogging up and I started seeing spots. Georgie had had the exact same shaped ears and the same snub nose.
I did not like the buzzing that had begun in my head and I stepped back. “No. You ... you can't be. I buried you. You and Ma and Georgie and Gran. I buried you. I ...”
I took yet another step backwards and jumped when I ran into something that shouldn’t have been there. Turning I see what it was I found a man a bit older than the first that somehow looks even more like Da than the other apparition did. Not only is my head buzzing but now I’m seeing spots in front of my eyes and I can feel myself sliding to the ground. I would have gone all the way but the older man tries to grab me bringing out my survival instincts. I evade his hold but rather than be upset as I expected, my move elicits a strange response.
The second man looks at the first and says, “By God, she got out of that the same way Dred would have ... the exact move.”
I froze. My Da’s proper name was Dredward the same way mine was Felicia only most knew him by Dred. Snarling, falling back to my harshest Outlander feelings of self-preservation, I demand, “What do you know of my Da?!”
The Captain came forward and gently said, “Easy Fel. Do you remember long ago when I questioned you about where your father came from?”
Thinking back but only having a vague recollection of it I said, “I suppose.”
He took a step closer and then got between me and the men. “Well, I’ve had occasion to deal with the territory of Dover on occasion over the years – it lies a bit northeast from here – and found it extremely strange that you would know of the place. They aren’t what you would call friendly to strangers.
The older of the two men smiled and said, “Now now Rob, you’re being a bit harsh don’t ya think? We haven’t skinned a stranger in years.”
The young boy said, “Oh Uncle George, don’t say that, you’re gonna scare her.”
His father said, “She doesn’t look scared to me. A little too familiar with that Green River she’s fingering the hilt of if you want to know the truth.”
When I continued to just stare at the two of them the older man asked, “Aren’t you the least bit interested in finding out who we are?”
I snorted, “I figure you’ll eventually get around to telling me. Men are like that.”
A young woman I hadn’t seen stepped from behind some horses and started laughing. “Wow, you are just like Aunt Felicia, look like her too. Mother tells us stories of when they were all younger together and I I bet she was just like you. Mother said she was the terror of all the boys in the village.”
It took a bit of time for me to calm down but when Winnie came out and put her arm around me and said, “These are your family Dear … your father’s people” all I could do was stare.
The older of the two men was George McConnell, the eldest brother. There was an older sister and she was the one named Aunt Felicia. Then there was another sister named Sarah who was married and traveling with her husband while they surveyed some land far to the north. Then came my Da in line. The youngest was the man that had first startled me and his name was Winston … though he said, “I freely give you leave to call me Uncle Win as the only person that called me Winston was my mother and only when she was less than pleased about something.”
George said, “Which was most of the time.” A bellowing laugh followed that pronouncement though “Uncle Win” didn’t seem to mind and in fact seemed to relish the idea.
The young woman was George’s daughter and her name was June. She is the one that explained, “Everyone gets named after someone. There are a lot of Felicia’s in the family as you’ve no doubt realized. I’m named after mother’s side of the family. She said there was no way she was going to add yet another Felicia to the village roster.”
Still stunned by the idea that I had a family … a blood one … I said quietly as we sat on the porch eating snacks that Mrs. Wiley supplied, “I had a little brother. We called him Georgie.”
The older man looked choked up at the idea. “Dred and I … we … we didn’t part on the best of terms. I sided with father, tried to force him into working the surveyor teams when all he really wanted to do was make blades and the like. Can’t believe he’d … he’d name a son …”
I told the older man what my Da had told me. “Da said there once was a little boy who got stuck in a tree. His brother went up the tree but when he got there all he did was tell him how to climb down by himself. He cried for his brother to take him down but the older brother refused and insisted that the young boy do it himself. He said ‘Fel, I was that little boy and my brother George is the one that taught me how to climb down that tree. When I asked him why he said because he might not be around next time and he didn’t want to see me get hurt. He didn’t just teach me to climb down a tree that day, he set my feet on a different path, one of not having to rely on others to get me out of scrapes I would get into.’” I smiled at the memory for a moment then finished by telling him, “He went on to tell me that’s one of the reasons he taught me all the things he did, that he didn’t want me to rely on folks that might not always be there.”
Uncle George’s eyes were suspiciously bright and he lost his voice for a bit. June asked me, “What else did your father tell you?”
“Oh this and that.” I repeated a few of the stories that I’d grown up hearing and my relatives would add bits and pieces that I’d never known about.
After one such story I told them “He’d tell me tales but sometimes the stories made him sad. He didn’t regret finding his own life but he regretted having to leave his family behind to do it.”
Uncle Win nodded and said, “Dred always had a mind of his own.” He sighed. “Rob told us … how Dred died. Do you think you are up to telling us yourself?”
So I did and somehow, while it hurt as it always did, this time it was like Da was there with me and giving me the strength to share what had to be told.”
Cor had followed me back from the spring but he stayed to the side of the crowd of people on the porch, letting me handle how much I wanted to get to know my family although he insisted on telling how I’d fought in the battle … even saying he was proud of all that I had accomplished then and on the estate when he wasn’t around. It surprised me when he said it and something began ticking that I had thought had stopped for the last time. He was also honest about how I’d been treated unfairly and that he was sorry for the misunderstanding that had put me in the position I was in.
Towards the evening Uncle George said, “Well, if there was any doubt in the beginning there’s now none. You’re definitely a McConnell, the daughter of my brother we thought lost to us forever. And even though he no longer walks this earth, you’re still here and I want you to know as I’m sure the rest of the family does, that you have a place with us and a free to come live with us should that be your choice.”
I was stunned. I’d never given serious thought to finding my father’s family. To me they were simply a legend, ground in truth but forever out of my reach. And then when I least expect it they show up … and then not only that do they accept me, they tell me I have a place with them. It was a lot to take in. It was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what to say … and then suddenly, as if my Da was whispering in my ear, I did.
With as much dignity as I could muster I told them all, “I would like to visit one day but for now what I want isn't as important as what I’ve committed to here. You tell me my father was always one to do things his way and if nothing else I have always been my father’s daughter." To no one and everyone I said, “My place is here. I won't abandon Corman.” In my mind I thought, let them make of that what they will.
While many people seemed disappointed and a couple seemed stunned my Uncle George smiled and said, “I’ll hold you to that visit now … an one or more of us may just be back around before you know it to bring our sister who is not going to be willing to believe it until she sees for herself the face of her namesake. As a matter of fact, though we’ll need to be back on the road tomorrow to meet up with the convoy we are traveling with, I’d like June to sketch you out so we can take your likeness with us.”
My family and I talked late into the night and then while I’d only just found out about their existence it was a wrench to watch them leave the next day.
Winnie asked me as they rode away, “Are you sure Fel? It isn’t too late.”
I shook my head. “No. My Da told plenty of stories of his family and he did love and miss them but the reason he left is because they were forever trying to order his life for him. He wasn’t a person to take to that. To be himself he had to leave and roam far away from their influence. And while I know I like these people who are my Da’s family, they were already telling me what I’d do if I came to live with them, how my life would be ordered and how I would fit in.” I shook my head again. “I reckon I’ve got enough meddlesome people around here. I don’t need to go find more that are even worse.”
She’s hugged my neck and seemed to understand what I wasn’t saying. Mrs. Wiley and Jonah beamed and I had to peel Topher off of me so that he wouldn’t be late for his chores. “Yers not leaving me!” he said happily.
“Of course not,” I replied. “I’ve still got enough to teach you that should keep you busy for quite a while yet. And when I do go to visit, assuming you want to, you can come with me and we’ll both see a bit more of the world.”
That seemed to satisfy him and he left with a kick in his heels that cause the mule he was riding to give me a disgruntled look as if to say, “Did you need to wind him up quite this much?”
The rest of the day people kept coming by like they couldn’t believe I was still around. They kept getting underfoot but for some reason I didn’t mind. It was nice to know that people were happy I’d chosen to stay. But after the late hour the night before and the excitement of trying to get on with my life during the day, I was ready to go see my pillow as soon as dinner was done. As tired as I was thought there was still much to do before I could seek my rest.
I washed a basin of underthings and hung them to dry by in the corner of the room. I washed my hair because it had gotten full of prickles when I’d had to dig a nest of kittens out of a clump of bushes to save them from a snake that had gone in after them. Then a few more things here and there and before I knew it, the hour was much later than I had meant to be up and about.
I had drawn down my covers and had just put my foot on my bed stool when there was a knock at the cabin door. Thinking that the only thing that would bring someone to my door at such a late hour was an emergency I ran over and opened the door without looking first.
It was Cor and he was standing there looking like a lost pup. I didn’t know what to say and just stood there in shock looking at him. Finally he mumbled, "I ... I can't sleep."
Blinking in surprise I told him, “I wouldn't be able to sleep standing out in the damp and chill either.”
He continued to just stand there looking lost, neither going nor coming. Finally I took his hand and drew him in. He continued to seem like he was only half in this world so I led him to the rocker by the fire where he finally sat. I sat in the chair and stared at the fire with him. Finally I’m beyond wondering and turn to ask him what he’s doing here only he is asleep.
All I can do is cover him with the bear skin so he won’t catch a fever and go climb into my own bed. In no time I was asleep as well but right before dawn I waken to the feel of him laying the bear skin back over me and then creeping from the cabin quietly.
I wasn’t sure what to make of his night time visit. I would have asked but I didn’t see him at all that day. I thought perhaps he was avoiding me until Jonah mentioned that he’d gone to inspect the roof on one of the grain silos at the rice production facility. He didn’t even make it back for dinner so I decided to let it go. He’d seemed half asleep and I thought perhaps he was now ashamed of what he’d done.
But I was no sooner ready for bed than there was a familiar knock at the cabin door. This time I opened it with more caution but that only seemed to make him stand there even longer and say even less. Again I took his hand and he came willingly enough and sat in the rocker. As soon as he was there he seemed to ease and then go to sleep. All I could do was shake my head at his strange behavior.
This continued for a week and I began to suspect that Cor was simply trying to replicate the normalcy we’d once managed to create. I decided if it brought him comfort and made him feel closer to Francine somehow that who was I to stop him. He did seem like he was more relaxed as the days passed, even Winnie remarked upon it, wondering what he was doing that was different. I certainly wasn’t about to enlighten her.
At the end of the week I expected him to go back to sleeping at his house but I have to admit it was nice to be reminded of the old days when we were more at ease in each other’s company. I refused to hope for much more than that. Perhaps it is helping him to come to terms with Francine’s loss.
But I got the biggest shock of my life when I was listlessly getting ready for bed on the eighth night when there was the familiar knock on the door. I was so surprised I almost didn’t answer it. But then I heard the scratch of his boots on the grit just outside the door and I ran over and threw it open.
This time he came in on his own but wandered around a bit before settling into the rocker. I sat in the chair beside him but time stretched and he didn’t go to sleep. Finally I found the courage to ask him, “Cor, why?”
Quietly he asked, “Does it bother you that I prefer it here?”
Honestly I tell him, “No. But you can't be resting well sitting up in that rocker. “
He just looks at me so I shrug and go to bed as always but then he gets up from the rocker, banks the fire and comes to stand by the edge of the bed. I move over and he silently climbs in and it was like it was before. He lies there stiffly for a moment and then slides into sleep but he always slips away before dawn.
I’m not sure what to make of it. Every night he comes. In fact tonight he didn’t even make a pretense of roaming around the room. I twisted my foot when the stool I’d been balancing on to reach a new braid of onions had tipped from in under me. Tonight he came earlier than he normally did and silently insisted on soaking my food and then wrapping it in a long cloth. Then he carried me to the bed without me asking and climbed in beside me. He was hardly stiff at all and then with a great sigh was asleep.
I wonder. Does he do this for me or for himself or is it something else entirely? If I could be sure he wouldn’t suddenly change again I think I could relax as easily as he has begun to. We still don’t talk much about anything except estate matters but he’s begun to ask me what I think of some plans he has for the future. Tonight he did the strangest thing of all. After we had settled in the bed he reached over and pulled my braid above the covers. I have no idea why. It was such a strange and simple thing but I don’t want to read more into it than what is there.
Jeepcats 3
Contributing Member
Nice, Fels getting to meet her family and them being good people.
Now what is going on with Cor?
Prior to Fels family showing up, Cor could sulk to his hearts content which he did.
A child doesn't always want a toy until its threatened with its removal.
Then the child only wants that toy.
Did Fels family visit bring home to him that Fels is more than just an Outlander and that she did have other options?
Sometimes your words gave the impression that Cor felt an Outlander was below him, other times not.
Is the threat of Fels having options waking up Cor or ?????
Now what is going on with Cor?
Prior to Fels family showing up, Cor could sulk to his hearts content which he did.
A child doesn't always want a toy until its threatened with its removal.
Then the child only wants that toy.
Did Fels family visit bring home to him that Fels is more than just an Outlander and that she did have other options?
Sometimes your words gave the impression that Cor felt an Outlander was below him, other times not.
Is the threat of Fels having options waking up Cor or ?????
