The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth
- Thread starter Kathy in FL
- Start date
juco
Veteran Member
SheWoff
Southern by choice
PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
while we wait for MOAR!!!! (and if she doesn't hurry, we'll leave all the feathers for HER to clean up!)
She hit me first!!
lci115lewis
Member
Wadda' you mean Supper's almost done, I just finished lunch about 2 hours ago, sheesh all these East Coasters... Well, better than Californians I guess.
Later than I'd intended but here you go ... chow down. LOL!
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The Unholy Roamin’ Empire
Part 12
“Confounded thing! You’d think you’d show a little appreciation! I’m just trying to bring you out of the cold so that you have some place warm to sleep and food to eat instead of that dried up kudzu patch the lot of you were living in. But no. Of course not. You wind up being the most obstinate, irritating … ack!!” I wound up calling him Grimm. The name suited him, but why is another story.
It took me the better part of a day to catch and then pull that irritating cuss of a goat from an area near the quarry that had been taken over by kudzu to the truck, into the back of the truck and get him and his herd into the enclosed trailer, and then back to the home place where we unloaded them into an area we’d fenced in with cyclone fencing we “liberated” from the paper mill. It wasn’t because the goats were necessarily mean but because at the worst possible moments most of the idiot things would lock their legs and fall over in an apparent faint of some kind. Worse, Jax and Reggie would then fall into hysterical laughter at their antics. They eventually stopped laughing when the goats seemed to start doing it on purpose to be irritating and make it difficult to maneuver them in the direction we needed them to go.
Once they were in the fenced in area I was finally able to get enough of a look at them to figure out what kind they most likely were. I’d had a suspicion of what they were based on their stupid “fainting” technique but you can never be too careful when it comes to assuming anything with animals. They’ll turn around and butt you in the behind and you’ll wind up using your jaw as a root rake … which is what happened to Reggie. Twice.
The goats were a breed called Myotonic which means wooden leg; pretty much described how they acted when they got scared or snarky. The book I had liberated from the feed store said they were more commonly known as Tennessee Meat Goats and are one of the few breeds of goats indigenous to the US. The thing that marked these goats primarily for meat is that they have big heavy backsides and they are barrel chested. What I was happiest to read was that they are not good climbers or jumpers so keeping them penned up would be easier than many breeds. They are also good mothers so you don’t have to have a separate bonding pen. And not only are they good for meat, this particular breed also has a good milk supply.
I noticed that not all of the goats “fainted” and suspected some of them might be cross breeds. The book had a footnote in it that said the fainting gene was recessive and rarely carried over in a cross breed; and, that the TMG breed also bred with other goats pretty easily, especially something called the Boer goat. I thought that would be good to know if we ever ran up on some other goats.
Grimm was the largest of the heard weighed in at about a hundred and ten pounds. Given my experience with him that first day I expected him to be a real stinker but after two days he stopped trying to ram me any time I presented my behind. From there on after he would nip my butt but usually just to be a playful stinker rather than out of meanness. He was a shaggy animal and required brushing. I had to be careful while I was brushing him because he seemed to take delight in trying to nibble my braids. The stinker would even try and pull them out of the pins I had used to wrap them around my head. And forget ribbons or ties on the end of my braids; that was way too much temptation.
Why I called him Grimm was because I found that if I talked to him while I brushed him or fed the herd he seemed to get calm, to the point that it seemed unless I was telling him a story he would get bent out of shape and misbehave. Kelly enjoyed the stories too and particularly liked fairy tales. If I told that blasted story of the goats trip trapping over the troll’s bridge I must have told it a million times. I don’t know who enjoyed it more, Kelly or Grimm. Some of his descendants still live out in the paddock behind the house. They’re useful at keeping the grass grazed down to a manageable level, especially these days when the idea of jumping on a bush hog to mow doesn’t exactly thrill my bones any.
Where the goats came from I have no idea and never did find out. But in all honesty there wasn’t that much time for me to wonder back then and just as big a waste of time now. That November was a busy month, filled with hunting and meat preservation. It was also time to prepare the green house for winter. I’d let it go since my family died and there were quite a few repairs to make. Once that was accomplished I moved in my pots of blueberry seedlings, fruit tree seedlings, and some of my more freeze sensitive potted herbs.
We also put the storm windows up – wasn’t that a treat – and reinstalled the lexan panels on part of the back porch that acted as an insulator for the part of the house that tended to catch the coldest breezes in the winter. I normally would have done all manner of fall cleaning inside the houses and barns and sheds but to be honest there just wasn’t time even with five other people helping. I realized I would have to be more organized about it the next year but then I also realized we probably wouldn’t have the same issues then because all of the salvaging would be done and over with and perhaps even used up.
For Thanksgiving that year we had all the traditional side dishes but our meat was a goat barbecue. Somehow or other the goats had upended the watering trough I had put in there. It had been full of water just an hour before I went out and found the buck with what turned out to be a broken hip; given the bruising it looked like the edge of the trough caught him good as it went over aided by the weight of the water. It had to have taken several of those goats acting in concert to get the water trough turned over given it size and volume. To this day I’m not sure how they pulled it off and I always wondered why that particular goat got injured; it was the only male goat that seemed to challenge Grimm. Never before or since have I ever witnessed anything quite like that. I’ve seen chickens do the death squad/assassination thing on the hen at the lowest end of the pecking order or if one gets sick but I’ve never seen other animals behave that way. Jax told me it was my imagination but …
I was glad that Thanksgiving turned out the way it did because I’d been really stressing. About two weeks after the battle with the baddies Jax went over to the Houchins place for some errand or other that I can’t any longer recall and we got a bit of a shock. Mr. Houchins did indeed have a big radio set up and he monitored lots of radio frequencies. He heard news from around the world because he has such a powerful antenna and receiver. But it was the ones closer to home that was of more immediate interest.
Jax came home that day and I knew right away that something was off; however, at first I couldn’t tell if he was angry or just irritated.
I didn’t even get to finish my greeting. “Hey Ja…”
“We need a meeting … all of us … now.” He continued on into the house and I was leaning a little bit more towards the angry side of the equation.
I looked as Aston and asked cautiously, “Bad day at the Houchins farm?”
Aston glowered and said, “Not exactly.”
Ashley came bouncing along and said, “Hey Babe! How did it …”
“We’re having a committee meeting. Let’s go in the kitchen.”
Ashley looked at me with those doe eyes she could muster back then and all I could do was shrug. We both followed Aston into the kitchen where we found Jax mushing Reggie and Ginger into the room and dropping Kelly into her highchair where she did not want to go.
Jax used a very rare tone when he looked at her and said, “Kelly Marie Remington … sit.”
Jax so seldom used that tone that I think everyone in the kitchen was startled. Certainly Kelly’s bottom lip quivered and she got a little sullen the way toddlers can, but she sat. So did the rest of us. The rest of us except Jax that is; he prowled the kitchen like it was a cage and he was a cat with too much energy.
I looked at Aston who had a closed look on his face and wasn’t talking. I looked at Jax who didn’t seem to know how to start. Sighing and wondering whether I was going to get my head bit off for my pains I said, “OK guys, at least give us a clue.”
Both of them simultaneously, like a double barrel shotgun, growled, “Matt!”
Yikes. “What about him?” I asked, trying not to set them off.
Aston looked at Jax who in turn finally pulled out a chair, turned it backwards and straddled it. “Houchins has a real nice radio set up.”
Reggie said, “Kinda figured that given how strong their signal always is.”
Aston said, “Nice isn’t what I’d call it … more like what I’d expect the national guard to have or something like that.”
Reggie nodded like that made sense and said, “Might have liberated it from a national guard outpost or some place like it. Maybe the sheriff’s substation.”
The guys all nodded and I looked at Ginger and Ashley wondering how long we were going to have to wait them out until they could actually bring themselves to stick to the original OP.
Jax was worrying his bottom lip and said, “We need a better set up here.”
When Reggie and Aston started making plans I’d come to the end of my rope. As calmly as I could I said, “If you mind, can you explain why you came in here like someone ate the last piece of fried chicken and all you got was a bunch of forks in the back of your hand?”
Aston and Jax did it again. “Matt!”
Less politely I said, “Got that the first time you said it. Might be nice if you would expand your explanation by a few words.”
Aston said, “He’s broadcasting.”
“Yeah? So? From what I understand from you guys it isn’t the first time he’s tried that. Has he suddenly become the grand wizard of the refugees and advertising for new recruits?”
Jax shook his head, “No.”
I felt like I was starting to grind the enamel off my molars. I turned to look at Aston who said, “Nothing like that. Well, not exactly anyway.”
My foot started tapping nervously under the table. Jax and I have gotten better at taking turns talking and trying to understand each other but back then my graciousness and manners usually diminished in direct proportion to my loss of patience; people would tell you that is pretty much still true today. It was getting harder and harder to wait for the guys to get around to actually explaining what was going on.
When I started nervously messing with the end of my braids and rocking ever so slightly in the chair I was sitting in Jax must have finally clued in that I was trying hard but that I was reaching the end because he said, “It’s Matt.”
Ginger, who was sitting beside me jumped when I nearly squeaked in frustration. “You said that already!”
Jax nodded and said, “That should explain it.”
“Explain what? You haven’t done anything but growl his name!”
Jax snarled, “Matt is being a jerk.”
Totally flummoxed by the fact that he and Aston both seemed to be colluding to drive me insane I asked, “And that’s news? What specifically has he done that is above and beyond his normal level of jerk-i-tude?”
Jax gave me a look and asked, “So you think he’s a jerk?”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. “OK, something is going on here. Why would you ask a question like that with your face all hanging out? Were you or were you not there when I got a major slapped down in the pride department when I found out about him and Marty?”
“So you don’t intend on forgiving him?”
I was sure that I was going insane at that point. “Are … you … kidding?! I forgave him for myself, not for him. More reasons to develop ulcers I don’t need. I’ve managed to put him and what he did to me behind me but if you think that I’m ready to make nice to him then the answer is no. I’ll keep my distance as long as possible thank you very much. Matt has a bad habit of rubbing people’s faces in things and I don’t feel particularly partial to that level of humiliation.” I stood up and started doing my own pacing in the space left in the room. “Now what the heck brought this on?”
To be honest my feelings were hurt. I know now, and even then in the back of my mind, that my reaction was a little out of proportion to what had been said but something was rubbing me the wrong way. I was trying not to show it before I could understand what had Jax … and Aston for that matter … so bent out of shape that they’d act like a couple of bucket heads, but it wasn’t easy.
“Mr. Houchins has been hearing things on the radio.”
In frustration bordering on anger I replied, “Yeah, you’ve already said that too. You also said that it was Matt he heard. Aston kindly confused things even more by alluding to the fact that Matt’s broadcasts may or may not have to do with recruiting people to the gang he may or may not now lead. So, with those facts firmly established for the eleventy dozenth time, can we please get to the next part of this long freaking drawn out story?”
Jax snapped, “Well excuse the heck out of me!”
In frustration I yanked my braid hard enough to make myself wince and then flung it away from my overly energetic hands. “Look, I’m sorry but put yourself in my shoes. If you’d been on the receiving end of this so-called explanation you wouldn’t exactly be doing the happy dance right about now would you?”
He opened his mouth to make an automatic denial then deflated a little. “Guess not.” He ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair reminding me of how he looked when Kelly got finished using it for hand holds when he ran her around the yard on his shoulders. Finally he sighed, “Let’s sit down and … and I’ll try and not …”
Ginger stepped into the breach and said, “Everyone understands that Matt is your cousin and I’m sure that makes what he’s done a little harder on you but even I’m getting kind of wired waiting for you and Aston to explain what’s going on.”
Ashley nodded a “me too” but Reggie simply leaned back his chair and in a sardonic voice said, “Not me. No offense to your family Jax but Matt is a certified butt monkey so nothing he does will surprise me and hearing about it will likely simply lead me to believe even more firmly that he is a certified butt monkey. But mostly Matt is a bore … a boring certified butt monkey.”
Ginger and Ashley each frogged one of Reggie’s arms, and not in a playful way either. I said to no one in particular, “That’s gonna leave a bruise.”
Reggie mumbled while rubbing his upper arms, “Two of them.” But he did shut up.
Aston rolled his eyes and Jax scrubbed his face with his hands. I looked at Jax and he at me and finally he spit it out. “He isn’t trying to recruit anyone in general … he is trying to recruit you in particular.”
I just looked at him and then shook my head like I wasn’t sure I had really heard what I thought I had heard. “Wait … did you just say he is trying to … to … uh … recruit me?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And did you think I would honestly fall for his line of BS?”
The look on my face gave Jax an indication that his answer had grave repercussions.
“Uh …”
Outraged and then more outraged that began to add a heaping side order of anger, I slowly stood up from the table, carefully pushed my chair in, and then walked out onto the porch and then out into the yard and over to the fish pond. Every movement I made was controlled and sparing. I was breathing through my feelings but it felt like a losing battle. And if I lost it, I refused to do it in front of other people. I knew how nasty my temper could be and I knew how important it was not to have it blow all over other people.
About five minutes later Jax showed up and I was still pretty angry but had a better handle on why I was angry. Still careful in what I was letting out I asked, “Do you take me for an idiot?”
Startled out of the explanation he was about to make he said, “Huh? No, of course not. I never said you were.”
Still fighting for calm I said, “But don’t you think me falling for Matt’s malarkey pretty much would make me an idiot?”
“Uh …”
“And don’t you think me falling for Matt’s malarkey would be betraying you?”
“Uh … about that …”
I turned away from him and rocked myself just from the sheer volume of feeling I was going through. I said quietly, “I thought we’d worked through this when you got bent out of shape about Reggie talking to me that time.”
“So … you remember that?”
“Yeah,” I told him grimly. “It’s not like you were nasty or anything. I suppose being together in front of other people was pretty new back then. But … but we’ve been together … longer … and …”
“Hey … hey you … you aren’t going to cry are you?”
I blew air slowly out between my lips and then turned to face him. “No Jax. I’m not going to cry. What I am right now is very, very angry and more than a little hurt. Or don’t you think I’d feel like a dumb whore or something with you thinking that I’d …”
“Hey now. Just whoa. I never …”
I put out my hand palm first. “Oh yes … yes you did. You didn’t come right out and say it, that’s not your style. But you all but did say that I’d jump out of bed with you and jump in bed with Matt … a place I never was in case you’ve had an extreme brain injury bringing on memory loss.”
I turned away from him again because the poor dumb guy face was just making me madder. He wasn’t stupid, he was a guy. And for some reason beyond my ability to fathom guys never seem to understand what their jealousy says about their opinion of the girls’ morals and commonsense.
“It isn’t you … it’s Matt,” he explained.
“And how exactly is Matt supposed to ‘recruit’ me if I’m unwilling to fall for his line of BS? I’m no longer interested in jumping his bones if I ever was and I sure as heck find his recent activities way over in the mentally disturbed range of the human-o-meter. So explain to me exactly why you think I have so many screws loose that I’d …”
Jax stepped up to me and wrapped me in a hug. I was stiff and unyielding. “That’s not what I meant,” he whispered into my hair.
“Ok. Fine.”
“But you’re still angry.”
“Yeah. I am.” Then I sighed in resignation. “I’m angry … but I suppose I’ll get over it. You’re more important – we’re more important – than the anger is.” I felt him relax but I felt forced to add, “But no more of this Jax. I’m not one of those females that find it flattering. In fact it pretty much grosses me out and turns me off. And if we didn’t have other people around I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t act some nastier over this. If we didn’t need to keep the peace right now it’s real possible you wouldn’t be getting any peace. You understand what I’m trying to say?”
I felt him nod against my hair. “Pretty much. And at the risk of making things worse before they get better … are you sure you aren’t … aren’t interested in what Matt could offer you?”
I tried to pull away but he exerted just enough strength to keep me bound to him. “You … are … damaged,” I hissed. “After all I just said you still would ask …”
“Yeah … yeah I’m asking. I’m asking because … because I need to hear you say it.”
If he hadn’t been so serious I might have elbowed him to escape and stalked off. I grabbed the edges of my shredded patience and said, “No. Matt doesn’t and never will have the ability to offer me anything that I’d want bad enough that I wouldn’t or couldn’t try to get it for myself. Now can I ask why you needed to hear me say it?”
“Because I did.” I tried to walk out of his arms again and he sighed. “Because I did … because Darlene … because … because she took me for a ride. And after Darlene the few girls … women … I tried to … to start something with … look it all just … left a mark I guess. And now that I have you … that … that we’re building … this … this …” This time it was he that walked a few steps away leaving me unprepared for how cold it was without his arms around me. “I thought … you’d … you’d understand after the way Matt treated you. At the same time I’m not so blind as I can’t see that potentially Matt has …”
I walked over and bumped into him, inviting him without words to put his arms back around me. “Matt has nothing that I want. Not only that, even if he did I’m smart enough to realize it comes with all sorts of strings. And to re-blind myself to what Matt is, I’d have to forget everything that has happened and everything that I’ve learned he’s done. And I can’t. I can forgive him for what he did to me … the lies and … and humiliation in front of everyone … but I can’t trust him anymore. So does that answer your question any better?”
Quietly he asked, “You don’t think I should need to ask? To hear it?”
I shrugged. “I’m … I’m honestly not sure. Part of me is hurt that you would need to but … but if I’m using my vaunted gift of insight …” He snorted and I saw a small upward tilt at the corner of one side of his mouth appear. I sighed and admitted, “If I’m being fair then I have to understand that I’m not the only one in the world that is allowed to have issues and a past they came out of.” Giving yet another sigh I added, “Just try and control this particular issue. It sets me off and it is insulting in a way that I’m not used to being insulted.” Turning to look into his face I added, “Whether you meant to or not.”
He nodded then attempted an apologetic kiss that was meant to catch me around my ear but thankfully for both of us I turned in his arms and helped him aim a tad more accurately so that his lips landed on mine.
After a moment we walked back into the house together. Reggie gave us one of his patented smart aleck looks and asked, “Are your wee feelings all fixed?”
I gave him the evil eye and answered, “You better hope they are or your life could quickly become a living hell. When momma ain’t happy …”
Ginger and Ashley smiled and chorused, “ … nobody’s happy.”
All three of us looked at Reggie so that he ducked his head and raised his hands defensively and said, “Ok … ok … let’s just get back to business. I don’t feel like talking away my nap time before I have to go on night duty.”
So we did.
Basically as I heard it that day Matt was, in a roundabout way, trying to make it appear that there had been some horrible misundersanding. That the bad gang members had been purged or run out of town by the good guys and that the only people left just wanted to get on with their lives and survive the winter. And in typical fashion Matt intimated that he had a plan and only the best supporting players would do to bring such a brilliant plan to fruition. And apparently I was at the head of the supporting player’s class.
I still wasn’t sure at that point exactly how much Matt knew about the home place. None of us were sure if he even knew where it was for sure, how well off we were, and if he was aware of what had transpired during the battle of the baddies. I wasn’t even sure he realized that we’d all hooked up. The guys seemed pretty confident that Matt had no idea how well armed we were but they couldn’t be one hundred percent about what the bad guys might have radioed back to their home base … or even if they had radioed in such information.
His tactic during that time and into the beginning of December was simply talking to someone like they were far off when Mr. Houchins had done some nifty triangulating – one of his sons was actually a retired Army Ranger and a nephew-in-law was a retired Navy Seal – and was able to tell that both radios were in fixed positions inside the city limits and that while Matt was the only one to use one radio, there was a rotating list of voices on the other radio though they changed names and tried to play it off. In other words he was scamming; and it might have been a good plan if he had been dealing with people less suspicious and more gullible … but he wasn’t.
It was all just cheap talk in the beginning, easily ignored but stressful to listen to after Jax and Reggie salvaged more of the radio equipment from the paper mill – especially a better antenna. Weather and distance had much less effect on our reception than they had before and we were able to catch the townies’ regular broadcasts … and even some they might not have meant for us to overhear as we had acquired a set up that included a descrambler thanks to the mill bosses propensity to try and listen in on conversations between employees that the employees might not have wanted to have overheard.
But when December came in Matt took the rhetoric up a notch and started asking people to let him know if they’d seen me or heard me on the radio – which nixed me going on air from that point forward – and if they didn’t feel comfortable doing that, if they would just pretty please with sugar on top get a message to me.
“Why does he even think I’m still alive?” I asked in frustration at finding myself the focus of such a single minded search. “Or even in the area? I haven’t tried to contact him and haven’t had any kind of interaction with his group. Could someone be watching the home place and none of us know it. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t be trying to locate me if he knew where I was.” I shook my head and then snapped, “This is ridiculous. Why is he doing this? I feel like a goldfish in a really small bowl.”
Jax shrugged but Reggie said, “Because he is a narcissist and he can’t allow himself to believe you aren’t still around if that is what he wants. See, for some reason he is fixated on bringing you back under his influence and it’s not just that he won’t quit but maybe that he can’t quit until he pulls it off.”
I snorted in disbelief. “His influence? Matt took me for a ride but he’s no Svengali for Pete’s sake. There has to be something more to this.”
Thoughtfully Jax asked, “Does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t he need to have you back for his personal reasons and need to have you back for some other reason as well?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed in disbelief. “Because … that makes me a heck of a lot more important than I really am?”
Still looking thoughtful Jax said, “Now wait, I told you about … about how he really did seem to care for you before the SHTF. Maybe he did … maybe he still does. Maybe not having you to … to fall back on is wigging his self confidence.”
This time I really did laugh. “Or maybe Marty just dumped him and he’s trying to go back for some of the tried and true. Geez you guys. This is just insane.”
Reggie laughed. “Of course it is. Our whole lives are insane right now. And none of us knows for sure how that has really affected Matt’s brain pan. The whole gamer showcase of stars costume ball was his creation, and he used it to manipulate the susceptible amongst us. But that doesn’t mean that Matt didn’t get off on it too … the new persona, the imaginary powers, yada yada yada. What if Matt was living in a fantasy too and now that his fantasy has been shattered he is either trying to recreate the old one, only in a new and improved format, or he’s trying to create a totally new one. Knowing Matt, seeing what he is capable of, either/or is possible.”
I was getting uncomfortable. “Even if that were true … there has to be some underlying reason why me in particular. I mean he could just pick some other girl and then his fantasy life problem would be over.”
Jax asked quietly, “What if Matt isn’t as in control of the town as he is making himself out to be? What if …? What if you have something he needs.”
“Huh?” I asked in disbelief. “It sure isn’t my brains. I might have given Matt a run in school but he always won in the end … always came in first, got the best grade, whatever.”
Looking thoughtful Reggie asked, “What if that’s it? What if he thinks you make him better?”
“Uh … getting a little psychologically wiggy there Reg. And maybe a little silly?”
He shook his head and looked at Jax. “If I had to hang a label on my old man it would be that he was a narcissist too. All the classic traits: couldn’t take anything he perceived as criticism without feeling humiliated and blowing up, used people and then threw them away with no shame or remorse, self-centered like the whole freaking universe revolved around him and his opinions, needed constant attention regardless of how he got it, unrealistic goals, didn’t have any healthy relationships for long because he would usually taint them with his jealousy or obsessions, and yet most people just considered him to be unemotional or detached … few people got to see how unglued he could become, how really dangerous. I don’t think he was born with an empathetic bone in his whole body even though he often played like he did for strangers he wanted something from. Tell me that that doesn’t sound like Matt.”
I gave it an honest thought and replied, “OK, sure, at least some of it. But some of those things you listed could apply to anyone.”
“Yeah, I know. But it is the number of narcissistic traits that really lays it out. You know how everyone thought of Matt yet at the same time … everyone wanted to be around him for some reason. And he loved it, came to expect it. And he’d blow up when …”
“OK, so I get it already,” I told Reggie. “I still don’t see how that has anything to do with what we are talking about.”
“But it does. What if Matt is at a crossroad, at a point where he might be forced to face that his goals are out of his reach, that he just isn’t good enough to pull them off. Narcissists are really bad at facing reality. What if he is seeking a way to improve his odds? And what if he thinks that you … YOU … are what would improve his odds because when he was with you things were better; and, frankly you did give him a run for his money.”
I looked at Jax for help but Jax was listening to Reggie with extreme interest. “Oh come on guys. This sounds like a plot in a really, really bad movie.”
Reggie shrugged. “Maybe … but truth is often stranger than fiction. You know Matt was always good at details, minutia, the academic side of things. But none of his ideas were really original, just variations on what other people came up with or maybe a better application of what they come up with. You on the other hand … you are smart in a way that is probably pretty alien to ol’ Matt. You my Dear, are practical. You see a problem, see a solution, and then find a way to get from point a to point b even if that means thinking outside the box. You’re a concept guy.” Grinning a little evilly he said, “Be honest. Tell me you weren’t the one that added the pizzazz to the projects that you and Matt worked on together.”
Jax asked, “What projects?”
“Science fair and stuff like that. There was a history project I remember in particular. If you hadn’t saved Matt’s bacon that time … he was sweating bullets and you know it.”
I nodded reluctantly. “History didn’t really mean that much to Matt. Names and dates and that sort of thing he could memorized were OK but … I don’t know OK. He just kind of always missed the point.”
“And?” Reggie egged.
“And OK. If Matt had had his way all of our projects would have been as boring as watching white paint dry. He was just … just very literal.”
“And not very creative on his own,” Reggie added.
Jax was smiling. “Reggie, you might be onto something with this.” But then he got thoughtful, “But what does he need to get creative about?”
I sighed thinking the answer was obvious. “Getting the town back up and running. Trying to bring back some kind of normalcy … electric first because that would bring back the utilities and that sort of thing. But it wouldn’t stop there; he’d literally want to recreate … or … or …” I stopped slowly. “I think I know what he is trying to do.”
“What?”
“Build that utopian society his dad was always on about. Abolish war and the need for guns … except for the special people that needed them. All green energy. Vegan diets. Jax knows what I’m talking about. You do too Reggie … you know how Matt could go on and on about that stuff.”
Jax looked at Reggie and Reggie looked at Jax … then they both looked at me and I had a bad feeling my brain was about to get picked over.
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The Unholy Roamin’ Empire
Part 12
“Confounded thing! You’d think you’d show a little appreciation! I’m just trying to bring you out of the cold so that you have some place warm to sleep and food to eat instead of that dried up kudzu patch the lot of you were living in. But no. Of course not. You wind up being the most obstinate, irritating … ack!!” I wound up calling him Grimm. The name suited him, but why is another story.
It took me the better part of a day to catch and then pull that irritating cuss of a goat from an area near the quarry that had been taken over by kudzu to the truck, into the back of the truck and get him and his herd into the enclosed trailer, and then back to the home place where we unloaded them into an area we’d fenced in with cyclone fencing we “liberated” from the paper mill. It wasn’t because the goats were necessarily mean but because at the worst possible moments most of the idiot things would lock their legs and fall over in an apparent faint of some kind. Worse, Jax and Reggie would then fall into hysterical laughter at their antics. They eventually stopped laughing when the goats seemed to start doing it on purpose to be irritating and make it difficult to maneuver them in the direction we needed them to go.
Once they were in the fenced in area I was finally able to get enough of a look at them to figure out what kind they most likely were. I’d had a suspicion of what they were based on their stupid “fainting” technique but you can never be too careful when it comes to assuming anything with animals. They’ll turn around and butt you in the behind and you’ll wind up using your jaw as a root rake … which is what happened to Reggie. Twice.
The goats were a breed called Myotonic which means wooden leg; pretty much described how they acted when they got scared or snarky. The book I had liberated from the feed store said they were more commonly known as Tennessee Meat Goats and are one of the few breeds of goats indigenous to the US. The thing that marked these goats primarily for meat is that they have big heavy backsides and they are barrel chested. What I was happiest to read was that they are not good climbers or jumpers so keeping them penned up would be easier than many breeds. They are also good mothers so you don’t have to have a separate bonding pen. And not only are they good for meat, this particular breed also has a good milk supply.
I noticed that not all of the goats “fainted” and suspected some of them might be cross breeds. The book had a footnote in it that said the fainting gene was recessive and rarely carried over in a cross breed; and, that the TMG breed also bred with other goats pretty easily, especially something called the Boer goat. I thought that would be good to know if we ever ran up on some other goats.
Grimm was the largest of the heard weighed in at about a hundred and ten pounds. Given my experience with him that first day I expected him to be a real stinker but after two days he stopped trying to ram me any time I presented my behind. From there on after he would nip my butt but usually just to be a playful stinker rather than out of meanness. He was a shaggy animal and required brushing. I had to be careful while I was brushing him because he seemed to take delight in trying to nibble my braids. The stinker would even try and pull them out of the pins I had used to wrap them around my head. And forget ribbons or ties on the end of my braids; that was way too much temptation.
Why I called him Grimm was because I found that if I talked to him while I brushed him or fed the herd he seemed to get calm, to the point that it seemed unless I was telling him a story he would get bent out of shape and misbehave. Kelly enjoyed the stories too and particularly liked fairy tales. If I told that blasted story of the goats trip trapping over the troll’s bridge I must have told it a million times. I don’t know who enjoyed it more, Kelly or Grimm. Some of his descendants still live out in the paddock behind the house. They’re useful at keeping the grass grazed down to a manageable level, especially these days when the idea of jumping on a bush hog to mow doesn’t exactly thrill my bones any.
Where the goats came from I have no idea and never did find out. But in all honesty there wasn’t that much time for me to wonder back then and just as big a waste of time now. That November was a busy month, filled with hunting and meat preservation. It was also time to prepare the green house for winter. I’d let it go since my family died and there were quite a few repairs to make. Once that was accomplished I moved in my pots of blueberry seedlings, fruit tree seedlings, and some of my more freeze sensitive potted herbs.
We also put the storm windows up – wasn’t that a treat – and reinstalled the lexan panels on part of the back porch that acted as an insulator for the part of the house that tended to catch the coldest breezes in the winter. I normally would have done all manner of fall cleaning inside the houses and barns and sheds but to be honest there just wasn’t time even with five other people helping. I realized I would have to be more organized about it the next year but then I also realized we probably wouldn’t have the same issues then because all of the salvaging would be done and over with and perhaps even used up.
For Thanksgiving that year we had all the traditional side dishes but our meat was a goat barbecue. Somehow or other the goats had upended the watering trough I had put in there. It had been full of water just an hour before I went out and found the buck with what turned out to be a broken hip; given the bruising it looked like the edge of the trough caught him good as it went over aided by the weight of the water. It had to have taken several of those goats acting in concert to get the water trough turned over given it size and volume. To this day I’m not sure how they pulled it off and I always wondered why that particular goat got injured; it was the only male goat that seemed to challenge Grimm. Never before or since have I ever witnessed anything quite like that. I’ve seen chickens do the death squad/assassination thing on the hen at the lowest end of the pecking order or if one gets sick but I’ve never seen other animals behave that way. Jax told me it was my imagination but …
I was glad that Thanksgiving turned out the way it did because I’d been really stressing. About two weeks after the battle with the baddies Jax went over to the Houchins place for some errand or other that I can’t any longer recall and we got a bit of a shock. Mr. Houchins did indeed have a big radio set up and he monitored lots of radio frequencies. He heard news from around the world because he has such a powerful antenna and receiver. But it was the ones closer to home that was of more immediate interest.
Jax came home that day and I knew right away that something was off; however, at first I couldn’t tell if he was angry or just irritated.
I didn’t even get to finish my greeting. “Hey Ja…”
“We need a meeting … all of us … now.” He continued on into the house and I was leaning a little bit more towards the angry side of the equation.
I looked as Aston and asked cautiously, “Bad day at the Houchins farm?”
Aston glowered and said, “Not exactly.”
Ashley came bouncing along and said, “Hey Babe! How did it …”
“We’re having a committee meeting. Let’s go in the kitchen.”
Ashley looked at me with those doe eyes she could muster back then and all I could do was shrug. We both followed Aston into the kitchen where we found Jax mushing Reggie and Ginger into the room and dropping Kelly into her highchair where she did not want to go.
Jax used a very rare tone when he looked at her and said, “Kelly Marie Remington … sit.”
Jax so seldom used that tone that I think everyone in the kitchen was startled. Certainly Kelly’s bottom lip quivered and she got a little sullen the way toddlers can, but she sat. So did the rest of us. The rest of us except Jax that is; he prowled the kitchen like it was a cage and he was a cat with too much energy.
I looked at Aston who had a closed look on his face and wasn’t talking. I looked at Jax who didn’t seem to know how to start. Sighing and wondering whether I was going to get my head bit off for my pains I said, “OK guys, at least give us a clue.”
Both of them simultaneously, like a double barrel shotgun, growled, “Matt!”
Yikes. “What about him?” I asked, trying not to set them off.
Aston looked at Jax who in turn finally pulled out a chair, turned it backwards and straddled it. “Houchins has a real nice radio set up.”
Reggie said, “Kinda figured that given how strong their signal always is.”
Aston said, “Nice isn’t what I’d call it … more like what I’d expect the national guard to have or something like that.”
Reggie nodded like that made sense and said, “Might have liberated it from a national guard outpost or some place like it. Maybe the sheriff’s substation.”
The guys all nodded and I looked at Ginger and Ashley wondering how long we were going to have to wait them out until they could actually bring themselves to stick to the original OP.
Jax was worrying his bottom lip and said, “We need a better set up here.”
When Reggie and Aston started making plans I’d come to the end of my rope. As calmly as I could I said, “If you mind, can you explain why you came in here like someone ate the last piece of fried chicken and all you got was a bunch of forks in the back of your hand?”
Aston and Jax did it again. “Matt!”
Less politely I said, “Got that the first time you said it. Might be nice if you would expand your explanation by a few words.”
Aston said, “He’s broadcasting.”
“Yeah? So? From what I understand from you guys it isn’t the first time he’s tried that. Has he suddenly become the grand wizard of the refugees and advertising for new recruits?”
Jax shook his head, “No.”
I felt like I was starting to grind the enamel off my molars. I turned to look at Aston who said, “Nothing like that. Well, not exactly anyway.”
My foot started tapping nervously under the table. Jax and I have gotten better at taking turns talking and trying to understand each other but back then my graciousness and manners usually diminished in direct proportion to my loss of patience; people would tell you that is pretty much still true today. It was getting harder and harder to wait for the guys to get around to actually explaining what was going on.
When I started nervously messing with the end of my braids and rocking ever so slightly in the chair I was sitting in Jax must have finally clued in that I was trying hard but that I was reaching the end because he said, “It’s Matt.”
Ginger, who was sitting beside me jumped when I nearly squeaked in frustration. “You said that already!”
Jax nodded and said, “That should explain it.”
“Explain what? You haven’t done anything but growl his name!”
Jax snarled, “Matt is being a jerk.”
Totally flummoxed by the fact that he and Aston both seemed to be colluding to drive me insane I asked, “And that’s news? What specifically has he done that is above and beyond his normal level of jerk-i-tude?”
Jax gave me a look and asked, “So you think he’s a jerk?”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. “OK, something is going on here. Why would you ask a question like that with your face all hanging out? Were you or were you not there when I got a major slapped down in the pride department when I found out about him and Marty?”
“So you don’t intend on forgiving him?”
I was sure that I was going insane at that point. “Are … you … kidding?! I forgave him for myself, not for him. More reasons to develop ulcers I don’t need. I’ve managed to put him and what he did to me behind me but if you think that I’m ready to make nice to him then the answer is no. I’ll keep my distance as long as possible thank you very much. Matt has a bad habit of rubbing people’s faces in things and I don’t feel particularly partial to that level of humiliation.” I stood up and started doing my own pacing in the space left in the room. “Now what the heck brought this on?”
To be honest my feelings were hurt. I know now, and even then in the back of my mind, that my reaction was a little out of proportion to what had been said but something was rubbing me the wrong way. I was trying not to show it before I could understand what had Jax … and Aston for that matter … so bent out of shape that they’d act like a couple of bucket heads, but it wasn’t easy.
“Mr. Houchins has been hearing things on the radio.”
In frustration bordering on anger I replied, “Yeah, you’ve already said that too. You also said that it was Matt he heard. Aston kindly confused things even more by alluding to the fact that Matt’s broadcasts may or may not have to do with recruiting people to the gang he may or may not now lead. So, with those facts firmly established for the eleventy dozenth time, can we please get to the next part of this long freaking drawn out story?”
Jax snapped, “Well excuse the heck out of me!”
In frustration I yanked my braid hard enough to make myself wince and then flung it away from my overly energetic hands. “Look, I’m sorry but put yourself in my shoes. If you’d been on the receiving end of this so-called explanation you wouldn’t exactly be doing the happy dance right about now would you?”
He opened his mouth to make an automatic denial then deflated a little. “Guess not.” He ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair reminding me of how he looked when Kelly got finished using it for hand holds when he ran her around the yard on his shoulders. Finally he sighed, “Let’s sit down and … and I’ll try and not …”
Ginger stepped into the breach and said, “Everyone understands that Matt is your cousin and I’m sure that makes what he’s done a little harder on you but even I’m getting kind of wired waiting for you and Aston to explain what’s going on.”
Ashley nodded a “me too” but Reggie simply leaned back his chair and in a sardonic voice said, “Not me. No offense to your family Jax but Matt is a certified butt monkey so nothing he does will surprise me and hearing about it will likely simply lead me to believe even more firmly that he is a certified butt monkey. But mostly Matt is a bore … a boring certified butt monkey.”
Ginger and Ashley each frogged one of Reggie’s arms, and not in a playful way either. I said to no one in particular, “That’s gonna leave a bruise.”
Reggie mumbled while rubbing his upper arms, “Two of them.” But he did shut up.
Aston rolled his eyes and Jax scrubbed his face with his hands. I looked at Jax and he at me and finally he spit it out. “He isn’t trying to recruit anyone in general … he is trying to recruit you in particular.”
I just looked at him and then shook my head like I wasn’t sure I had really heard what I thought I had heard. “Wait … did you just say he is trying to … to … uh … recruit me?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And did you think I would honestly fall for his line of BS?”
The look on my face gave Jax an indication that his answer had grave repercussions.
“Uh …”
Outraged and then more outraged that began to add a heaping side order of anger, I slowly stood up from the table, carefully pushed my chair in, and then walked out onto the porch and then out into the yard and over to the fish pond. Every movement I made was controlled and sparing. I was breathing through my feelings but it felt like a losing battle. And if I lost it, I refused to do it in front of other people. I knew how nasty my temper could be and I knew how important it was not to have it blow all over other people.
About five minutes later Jax showed up and I was still pretty angry but had a better handle on why I was angry. Still careful in what I was letting out I asked, “Do you take me for an idiot?”
Startled out of the explanation he was about to make he said, “Huh? No, of course not. I never said you were.”
Still fighting for calm I said, “But don’t you think me falling for Matt’s malarkey pretty much would make me an idiot?”
“Uh …”
“And don’t you think me falling for Matt’s malarkey would be betraying you?”
“Uh … about that …”
I turned away from him and rocked myself just from the sheer volume of feeling I was going through. I said quietly, “I thought we’d worked through this when you got bent out of shape about Reggie talking to me that time.”
“So … you remember that?”
“Yeah,” I told him grimly. “It’s not like you were nasty or anything. I suppose being together in front of other people was pretty new back then. But … but we’ve been together … longer … and …”
“Hey … hey you … you aren’t going to cry are you?”
I blew air slowly out between my lips and then turned to face him. “No Jax. I’m not going to cry. What I am right now is very, very angry and more than a little hurt. Or don’t you think I’d feel like a dumb whore or something with you thinking that I’d …”
“Hey now. Just whoa. I never …”
I put out my hand palm first. “Oh yes … yes you did. You didn’t come right out and say it, that’s not your style. But you all but did say that I’d jump out of bed with you and jump in bed with Matt … a place I never was in case you’ve had an extreme brain injury bringing on memory loss.”
I turned away from him again because the poor dumb guy face was just making me madder. He wasn’t stupid, he was a guy. And for some reason beyond my ability to fathom guys never seem to understand what their jealousy says about their opinion of the girls’ morals and commonsense.
“It isn’t you … it’s Matt,” he explained.
“And how exactly is Matt supposed to ‘recruit’ me if I’m unwilling to fall for his line of BS? I’m no longer interested in jumping his bones if I ever was and I sure as heck find his recent activities way over in the mentally disturbed range of the human-o-meter. So explain to me exactly why you think I have so many screws loose that I’d …”
Jax stepped up to me and wrapped me in a hug. I was stiff and unyielding. “That’s not what I meant,” he whispered into my hair.
“Ok. Fine.”
“But you’re still angry.”
“Yeah. I am.” Then I sighed in resignation. “I’m angry … but I suppose I’ll get over it. You’re more important – we’re more important – than the anger is.” I felt him relax but I felt forced to add, “But no more of this Jax. I’m not one of those females that find it flattering. In fact it pretty much grosses me out and turns me off. And if we didn’t have other people around I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t act some nastier over this. If we didn’t need to keep the peace right now it’s real possible you wouldn’t be getting any peace. You understand what I’m trying to say?”
I felt him nod against my hair. “Pretty much. And at the risk of making things worse before they get better … are you sure you aren’t … aren’t interested in what Matt could offer you?”
I tried to pull away but he exerted just enough strength to keep me bound to him. “You … are … damaged,” I hissed. “After all I just said you still would ask …”
“Yeah … yeah I’m asking. I’m asking because … because I need to hear you say it.”
If he hadn’t been so serious I might have elbowed him to escape and stalked off. I grabbed the edges of my shredded patience and said, “No. Matt doesn’t and never will have the ability to offer me anything that I’d want bad enough that I wouldn’t or couldn’t try to get it for myself. Now can I ask why you needed to hear me say it?”
“Because I did.” I tried to walk out of his arms again and he sighed. “Because I did … because Darlene … because … because she took me for a ride. And after Darlene the few girls … women … I tried to … to start something with … look it all just … left a mark I guess. And now that I have you … that … that we’re building … this … this …” This time it was he that walked a few steps away leaving me unprepared for how cold it was without his arms around me. “I thought … you’d … you’d understand after the way Matt treated you. At the same time I’m not so blind as I can’t see that potentially Matt has …”
I walked over and bumped into him, inviting him without words to put his arms back around me. “Matt has nothing that I want. Not only that, even if he did I’m smart enough to realize it comes with all sorts of strings. And to re-blind myself to what Matt is, I’d have to forget everything that has happened and everything that I’ve learned he’s done. And I can’t. I can forgive him for what he did to me … the lies and … and humiliation in front of everyone … but I can’t trust him anymore. So does that answer your question any better?”
Quietly he asked, “You don’t think I should need to ask? To hear it?”
I shrugged. “I’m … I’m honestly not sure. Part of me is hurt that you would need to but … but if I’m using my vaunted gift of insight …” He snorted and I saw a small upward tilt at the corner of one side of his mouth appear. I sighed and admitted, “If I’m being fair then I have to understand that I’m not the only one in the world that is allowed to have issues and a past they came out of.” Giving yet another sigh I added, “Just try and control this particular issue. It sets me off and it is insulting in a way that I’m not used to being insulted.” Turning to look into his face I added, “Whether you meant to or not.”
He nodded then attempted an apologetic kiss that was meant to catch me around my ear but thankfully for both of us I turned in his arms and helped him aim a tad more accurately so that his lips landed on mine.
After a moment we walked back into the house together. Reggie gave us one of his patented smart aleck looks and asked, “Are your wee feelings all fixed?”
I gave him the evil eye and answered, “You better hope they are or your life could quickly become a living hell. When momma ain’t happy …”
Ginger and Ashley smiled and chorused, “ … nobody’s happy.”
All three of us looked at Reggie so that he ducked his head and raised his hands defensively and said, “Ok … ok … let’s just get back to business. I don’t feel like talking away my nap time before I have to go on night duty.”
So we did.
Basically as I heard it that day Matt was, in a roundabout way, trying to make it appear that there had been some horrible misundersanding. That the bad gang members had been purged or run out of town by the good guys and that the only people left just wanted to get on with their lives and survive the winter. And in typical fashion Matt intimated that he had a plan and only the best supporting players would do to bring such a brilliant plan to fruition. And apparently I was at the head of the supporting player’s class.
I still wasn’t sure at that point exactly how much Matt knew about the home place. None of us were sure if he even knew where it was for sure, how well off we were, and if he was aware of what had transpired during the battle of the baddies. I wasn’t even sure he realized that we’d all hooked up. The guys seemed pretty confident that Matt had no idea how well armed we were but they couldn’t be one hundred percent about what the bad guys might have radioed back to their home base … or even if they had radioed in such information.
His tactic during that time and into the beginning of December was simply talking to someone like they were far off when Mr. Houchins had done some nifty triangulating – one of his sons was actually a retired Army Ranger and a nephew-in-law was a retired Navy Seal – and was able to tell that both radios were in fixed positions inside the city limits and that while Matt was the only one to use one radio, there was a rotating list of voices on the other radio though they changed names and tried to play it off. In other words he was scamming; and it might have been a good plan if he had been dealing with people less suspicious and more gullible … but he wasn’t.
It was all just cheap talk in the beginning, easily ignored but stressful to listen to after Jax and Reggie salvaged more of the radio equipment from the paper mill – especially a better antenna. Weather and distance had much less effect on our reception than they had before and we were able to catch the townies’ regular broadcasts … and even some they might not have meant for us to overhear as we had acquired a set up that included a descrambler thanks to the mill bosses propensity to try and listen in on conversations between employees that the employees might not have wanted to have overheard.
But when December came in Matt took the rhetoric up a notch and started asking people to let him know if they’d seen me or heard me on the radio – which nixed me going on air from that point forward – and if they didn’t feel comfortable doing that, if they would just pretty please with sugar on top get a message to me.
“Why does he even think I’m still alive?” I asked in frustration at finding myself the focus of such a single minded search. “Or even in the area? I haven’t tried to contact him and haven’t had any kind of interaction with his group. Could someone be watching the home place and none of us know it. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t be trying to locate me if he knew where I was.” I shook my head and then snapped, “This is ridiculous. Why is he doing this? I feel like a goldfish in a really small bowl.”
Jax shrugged but Reggie said, “Because he is a narcissist and he can’t allow himself to believe you aren’t still around if that is what he wants. See, for some reason he is fixated on bringing you back under his influence and it’s not just that he won’t quit but maybe that he can’t quit until he pulls it off.”
I snorted in disbelief. “His influence? Matt took me for a ride but he’s no Svengali for Pete’s sake. There has to be something more to this.”
Thoughtfully Jax asked, “Does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t he need to have you back for his personal reasons and need to have you back for some other reason as well?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed in disbelief. “Because … that makes me a heck of a lot more important than I really am?”
Still looking thoughtful Jax said, “Now wait, I told you about … about how he really did seem to care for you before the SHTF. Maybe he did … maybe he still does. Maybe not having you to … to fall back on is wigging his self confidence.”
This time I really did laugh. “Or maybe Marty just dumped him and he’s trying to go back for some of the tried and true. Geez you guys. This is just insane.”
Reggie laughed. “Of course it is. Our whole lives are insane right now. And none of us knows for sure how that has really affected Matt’s brain pan. The whole gamer showcase of stars costume ball was his creation, and he used it to manipulate the susceptible amongst us. But that doesn’t mean that Matt didn’t get off on it too … the new persona, the imaginary powers, yada yada yada. What if Matt was living in a fantasy too and now that his fantasy has been shattered he is either trying to recreate the old one, only in a new and improved format, or he’s trying to create a totally new one. Knowing Matt, seeing what he is capable of, either/or is possible.”
I was getting uncomfortable. “Even if that were true … there has to be some underlying reason why me in particular. I mean he could just pick some other girl and then his fantasy life problem would be over.”
Jax asked quietly, “What if Matt isn’t as in control of the town as he is making himself out to be? What if …? What if you have something he needs.”
“Huh?” I asked in disbelief. “It sure isn’t my brains. I might have given Matt a run in school but he always won in the end … always came in first, got the best grade, whatever.”
Looking thoughtful Reggie asked, “What if that’s it? What if he thinks you make him better?”
“Uh … getting a little psychologically wiggy there Reg. And maybe a little silly?”
He shook his head and looked at Jax. “If I had to hang a label on my old man it would be that he was a narcissist too. All the classic traits: couldn’t take anything he perceived as criticism without feeling humiliated and blowing up, used people and then threw them away with no shame or remorse, self-centered like the whole freaking universe revolved around him and his opinions, needed constant attention regardless of how he got it, unrealistic goals, didn’t have any healthy relationships for long because he would usually taint them with his jealousy or obsessions, and yet most people just considered him to be unemotional or detached … few people got to see how unglued he could become, how really dangerous. I don’t think he was born with an empathetic bone in his whole body even though he often played like he did for strangers he wanted something from. Tell me that that doesn’t sound like Matt.”
I gave it an honest thought and replied, “OK, sure, at least some of it. But some of those things you listed could apply to anyone.”
“Yeah, I know. But it is the number of narcissistic traits that really lays it out. You know how everyone thought of Matt yet at the same time … everyone wanted to be around him for some reason. And he loved it, came to expect it. And he’d blow up when …”
“OK, so I get it already,” I told Reggie. “I still don’t see how that has anything to do with what we are talking about.”
“But it does. What if Matt is at a crossroad, at a point where he might be forced to face that his goals are out of his reach, that he just isn’t good enough to pull them off. Narcissists are really bad at facing reality. What if he is seeking a way to improve his odds? And what if he thinks that you … YOU … are what would improve his odds because when he was with you things were better; and, frankly you did give him a run for his money.”
I looked at Jax for help but Jax was listening to Reggie with extreme interest. “Oh come on guys. This sounds like a plot in a really, really bad movie.”
Reggie shrugged. “Maybe … but truth is often stranger than fiction. You know Matt was always good at details, minutia, the academic side of things. But none of his ideas were really original, just variations on what other people came up with or maybe a better application of what they come up with. You on the other hand … you are smart in a way that is probably pretty alien to ol’ Matt. You my Dear, are practical. You see a problem, see a solution, and then find a way to get from point a to point b even if that means thinking outside the box. You’re a concept guy.” Grinning a little evilly he said, “Be honest. Tell me you weren’t the one that added the pizzazz to the projects that you and Matt worked on together.”
Jax asked, “What projects?”
“Science fair and stuff like that. There was a history project I remember in particular. If you hadn’t saved Matt’s bacon that time … he was sweating bullets and you know it.”
I nodded reluctantly. “History didn’t really mean that much to Matt. Names and dates and that sort of thing he could memorized were OK but … I don’t know OK. He just kind of always missed the point.”
“And?” Reggie egged.
“And OK. If Matt had had his way all of our projects would have been as boring as watching white paint dry. He was just … just very literal.”
“And not very creative on his own,” Reggie added.
Jax was smiling. “Reggie, you might be onto something with this.” But then he got thoughtful, “But what does he need to get creative about?”
I sighed thinking the answer was obvious. “Getting the town back up and running. Trying to bring back some kind of normalcy … electric first because that would bring back the utilities and that sort of thing. But it wouldn’t stop there; he’d literally want to recreate … or … or …” I stopped slowly. “I think I know what he is trying to do.”
“What?”
“Build that utopian society his dad was always on about. Abolish war and the need for guns … except for the special people that needed them. All green energy. Vegan diets. Jax knows what I’m talking about. You do too Reggie … you know how Matt could go on and on about that stuff.”
Jax looked at Reggie and Reggie looked at Jax … then they both looked at me and I had a bad feeling my brain was about to get picked over.
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Thank you, I had to keep my eyes open but I wouldnt miss reading this tonight. 
juco
Veteran Member
Ack! You posted 15 minutes after I gave up and went to bed Kathy!
No matter, my eyes were so heavy I would'a had to re-read it this morning with coffee anyway.
I wonder if the baddies are still in town and Matt is hiding the fact? And just how far will he go to get Lydie back?
Oh, and starting the chapter off with the Fainters made me LOL. If any of you folks have never seen Fainting goats head on over to youtube for a giggle. **Keyboard Alert! ** Do not consume beverages while watching. I have literally laughed so hard over those buggers I....er, well..I laughed really hard.
No matter, my eyes were so heavy I would'a had to re-read it this morning with coffee anyway.
I wonder if the baddies are still in town and Matt is hiding the fact? And just how far will he go to get Lydie back?
Oh, and starting the chapter off with the Fainters made me LOL. If any of you folks have never seen Fainting goats head on over to youtube for a giggle. **Keyboard Alert! ** Do not consume beverages while watching. I have literally laughed so hard over those buggers I....er, well..I laughed really hard.
223shootersc
Veteran Member
another good chapter, thanks
Thank you so much!!
(and I will happily vacuum up the feathers)
LOL
The Unholy Roamin’ Empire
Part 13
Getting Jax and the others to understand what I felt was Matt’s ultimate – and unrealistic – goal I had to first explain to them what the idea of a utopian society really meant.
Many people throughout history have romanticized the idea of a utopian society. The word utopia is Greek in origin but wasn’t really used for its current meaning until this English guy named Sir Thomas More borrowed it for the title of his book about a fictional island nation with the perfect socio-political-legal system. Notice the economics part of it was left out. My best guess is the issue of finance and currency are left out of most utopian concepts because they are the hardest to deal with in any realistic way without revealing that even in a utopian society you wind up with an elite class and a “non-citizen” or “slave” class. Utopian societies that do cover the issue of economics often use the concepts of wealth redistribution and political membership; socialism is a good example of a so-called economic utopia.
Everyone has their idea of what utopia would be. What most people don’t realize is that such a society is artificial rather than natural and comes with less free will and individuality, not more. Plato, while not actually using the term utopia, called it The Republic. His utopia was the city-state where the individual and self-identity was always subservient to society and the body politic. But even for the great idealist Plato, there was always a ruling elite and a part of the population that were slaves.
Any time that utopias have been attempted they wound up being more of a cult that required a charismatic leader and policing authority to make sure everyone maintained the dictated status quo. Matt and his father were bedazzled by the idea of a utopian society because in their minds they would always be part of the ruling elite. Actually they saw themselves as one of the few worthy of such authority. In other words they were fine with strict rules of conduct so long as they were the ones making the rules and vetting their fellow elitists. I can say it now that it was their egotistical intellect, their ivory tower academics, that supported their prideful assumptions. Back then, even after Matt had humiliated me, I was still a bit in awe of his intelligence. Matt’s fall from the lofty pedestal I had placed him on would come, but not yet.
The opposite of utopia is anarchy … absolutely no ruling authority. It is a “if it feels good do it” society with the only rules of conduct being those chosen by the individual for himself with no regard to how it affects others. Strangely enough an anarchic society is often just as idealized, romanticized, and ultimately unsustainable as a utopian society. Why? Because people are human.
The idea that we are all endowed with individual rights by our Creator must be balanced with the understanding that rights come with responsibilities imposed by the moral authority of that Creator and that one person’s rights do not eclipse or supersede the rights of others.
A classic example to explain what I mean is that we are endowed with the freedom of speech but that freedom doesn’t mean that we have the right to walk into a crowded theater and yell FIRE thereby creating a hazard. Some people use that idea as a way to place well-meaning limitations on rights. I prefer to look at it as we’re exercising the moral responsibilities that come with our endowed rights and that if we fail to exercise responsibility we will suffer consequences. Being human we tend to want to codify our rights and consequences so that they get applied equally to all – or at least that is the intent – and so that the consequences are known prior to the exercise of irresponsibility. Finding that balance has historically always been a challenge.
People have for thousands of years struggled to find the balance between complete and unattainable utopia and complete and unsustainable anarchy. The Greek and Roman era idealized their ideas and wound up with something that looked like Plato’s Republic. There are also religious utopias in history like the Community of Qumran. Sir More’s book about a fictional utopia that I mentioned earlier had a rule of religious tolerance; but, if you broke the rule the consequence was slavery or exile and the only despised person within that utopian concept was the atheist as they didn’t believe in ultimate reward for good behavior. Religious utopian concepts are as catch as catch can as any other concept of utopia.
During the Middle Ages people seemed to dump the whole idea of utopia as they were too busy just surviving, both the times and the elites who ruled over them. Some people think of monasteries and nunneries as the utopias of the Middle Ages but that wouldn’t be factual as they knew that perfection could not be obtained on earth and were focused instead on service to reach Heaven. When the Renaissance came along anyone inclined to think about it went back to thinking of utopia as the idealized view held by Plato and other such ancient philosophers.
Post Renaissance to modern times people continue to try unsuccessfully time after time to create a utopian society. In America four of the best known were Brook Farm (brought down by the concept of Fourierism which dictated that young people out of a “sense of honor” had to do all of the dirty work), Fruitlands (political anarchy, free love, and veganism didn’t go over well in the Victorian era), Pullman’s Capitalist Utopia (which might have worked except it’s founder had set up rigid class barriers which harkened back to the elitist/slave problem of the earliest utopian examples), and the Shakers (who died out due primarily to strict gender segregation and the “no sex allowed” clause of their membership).
Reggie leaned forward and said, “I can’t believe anyone considered Matt smarter than you.”
I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment and I had the desire to throw a sofa pillow at Reggie and knock that supercilious smirk right off his face. “Enough. Matt had the better grades and everyone knows it. I’m not talking to make myself into some kind of … some kind of …”
Ginger saved me. “Enough Reg. You want to throw her off her stride and leave us hanging wondering what the heck she’s talking about?” Well, she sort of saved me.
It was actually Aston that said quietly, “Knock it off you two. School is out. All the teachers are dead. The rest of it is ancient history.” Turning to me he asked, “OK, so the lecture was interesting, but what does it mean for us?”
Jax, who’d I been sitting next to on the sofa put his hand at the back of my neck. It was warm and comforting and helped me center myself so that I could continue. “Matt’s dad, despite the way he dressed, was at heart a New Ager. He didn’t know whether to be a hippy or a nerd and he had to stuff all of that in a business suit. The church they attended had this real charismatic pastor that couched all things religious in touchy feeling psychology. Matt’s mom’s main complaint about me – when she bothered noticing me at all – was that I wouldn’t attend their church, that our church was way too old fashioned, uncompromising and therefore judgmental.”
Jax snorted. “Yeah. You were either a member of the club or you weren’t. If you weren’t there must be something inherently wrong with you that only help from that preacher guy could help fix. I only went with them to keep the peace but I kept Kelly with me the whole time rather than leave her in the nursery; I was too worried about what she might be learning.”
I patted his knee and looked over at Kelly who had crashed while playing with some of my old dolls. Looking back at the others I told them, “Matt’s folks – at least his dad – weren’t bad people. No one can make me say they were. They were … different though from my folks and … and it was kind of a never the ‘twain should meet kind of situation. Matt’s dad just could understand my dad’s antipathy towards the utility company and some involved in local politics. He considered my family … well … backward.”
Ashley asked, “Backward? What about all of this? I mean we still have lights and running water and stuff. Different story in town. I’ll take backward any day if it comes with a hot shower.”
I smiled. “Like I’ve said, most people never knew Dad was a tinkerer … that he liked technology better than just fine; he just believed that responsible application of technology was more important than the technology itself. Matt’s dad wasn’t … wasn’t …” I stopped at a loss for words.
Jax said, “Don’t worry about making personal judgments Lydie, just try and explain the concepts.”
That I was more comfortable with. “OK.” Pulling my thoughts together I explained, “Matt’s dad … and Matt for that matter … believed in something called technological utopianism. In a nutshell all that means is that they believed that technology and science would eventually bring about a worldwide utopia.”
Reggie scrunched up his face and said, “From what I’ve see it’s more likely to bring about nerds with delusions of grandeur and weapons of mass destruction.”
There were a few snickers just because Reggie’s zingers tended to bring it out of people. I shrugged fighting a smile myself. “You aren’t far off the mark. As a hypothesis techno-utopias have absolutely no supporting proof for their conclusions.” Thinking a little bit I asked, “Any of you of heard of transhumanism?”
Aston mumbled, “Sounds like one of those techno bands from the clubs in Nashville.”
Reggie guffawed at his comment but the rest of us just rolled our eyes. “Transhumanism is a form of techno-utopianism. They believe in fundamentally transforming the human condition by developing and making available technologies that do things like eliminate aging and greatly enhance human intelligence, and physical and psychological capacities. Transhumanists study the potential benefits and dangers of emerging technologies that could overcome fundamental human limitations, as well as the ethical matters involved in using such technologies. They predict that human beings may eventually be able to transform themselves into beings so far beyond current man that they’d merit the evolutionary label posthuman.”
Ginger said, “They sound like loonies.”
I shrugged. “Depends on how you look at it. Before things went to heck in a hand basket how many folks were into plastic surgery and anti-aging lotions and potions? What about steroid use? You know, the how to make a better athlete crowd? And if not a better athlete, a better tool for an athlete? What about all the science studies being done with stem cells and such trying to give paraplegic’s the ability to walk again?”
“But that’s good stuff.”
I grinned. “Sure. So long as you keep it in perspective and under control. Remember the Tanorexic Momma? Cat Woman that got addicted to plastic surgery and let it get out of hand? Lizard Man who intentionally transformed his features to look like … well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose but that guy was just plain freaky and I wonder how well he is surviving in the world we live in now.”
Jax stopped our conversational straying and got us back on topic. “And what has all that got to do with what you think Matt’s plans are?”
I shrugged sadly, “Utopia might be his stated, long term goal but he isn’t above using people’s immediate needs to keep him one of the elite and above having to do the dirty work. At one time I admired him for that … but … but after my family was killed I started … maturing I guess you would say. I looked at things differently. I realized work wasn’t just something to be gotten through or avoided, but had a … a purpose. There is something inherently good and right in work; it … it fulfills something, some need, that people have even when they don’t realize it. It’s … satisfying. And you shouldn’t have to have some overreaching overseer to make you do it. It should be a choice, not an arbitrary mandate based on someone else’s choice of your station in life.”
Looking at them, unsure whether they understood what I was trying to say. “Work comes in all shapes and flavors. I’m not knocking people or saying that one type of job is better than another type. But Matt’s attitude … his dad’s attitude … was like Plato’s and all of the other utopians; you have the ruling class and then you have the slaves. Oh they never called people slaves, they were very PC about it, but they used terms like non-citizens, non-conformists, criminal class, intellectually insufficient or genetically damaged. It all amounts to the same thing. And they always saw themselves as being the ones to determine the thresholds of those terms.”
Someone asked, “And the technology angle?”
“Technology was what would give them the advantage and they would dole it out to those that … that conformed to the society they wanted to create.” Cynically I added, “With good intentions of course.”
I thought for a second then caught myself chewing on my thumb’s cuticle, a bad habit I fought hard to break but that still crept back up on me during times of stress. “Matt wants to get the power back on in town. He’ll act like it is a gift to others but just as soon as people let their guard down and get used to things he’ll start using it as a bribe or a weapon. I can see how he could pull it off and if I can, I’m sure he has plans in that direction too.” Shaking my head I said, “I don’t care what you guys say Matt is flaming brilliant. He probably already has it all worked out how to get the power back up and running. Where he will expect me to help is how to make it all palatable and … and … sellable.”
Ashley asked, “Sellable?”
Reggie nodded. “Yeah. My dad was good at that. He could sell yellow snow to Eskimos. Matt is a narcissist but he’s … well … he’s just not a salesman for his ideas. Of course getting the power back on would sell itself.”
Aston said, “Up to a point. I mean, who wants to do the crappy work in crappy weather like he is probably going to ask people to do.”
Jax nodded. “Sure, I get it now. And not everyone can possibly get power back at the same time so some people are going to have to wait their turn.”
I added, “Or pick up and move to where Matt tells them to move. And of course he’ll pick where, and some people will get better places than others … based on how close to Matt they are.”
While Ginger nodded Ashley said, “Which will create a bunch of suck ups.”
“Exactly. And that is where the infighting would start. Matt is good with the math and science … the schematics of a project but he is terrible at seeing that people won’t ultimately bend to his will and do what he wants them to do. At least he won’t admit it openly. I think that is where his … his manipulation comes in. See I’m the flow chart girl. If this then that. I know how to dress things up and make them prettier, make other people want whatever it is that Matt is offering to the point that they’ll be willing to take turns or wait in line; stay calm longer. Because I’ll be able to explain it and make them feel … fell part of it.” Shaking my head I said, “Geez, I sound like a freak, worse than Matt does.”
Reggie grinned evilly and I waited for a zinger but what I got surprised me. “Which is probably what he is going for. He wants your brain … and a fall guy for other people to blame.”
My first instinct was to deny it but thinking about it I couldn’t; it was as good a hypothesis as anything else we had come up with. “You know guys, all of this could be nothing but hot air. I could be completely wrong.”
Aston nodded. “Sure. Maybe. We don’t have to be married to it for it to give us a place to start.”
And that pretty much summed it up right there. It was a place to start. What we needed from this point forward would be more information. And there was really only one way to get it.
Jax and Aston went the next day to talk to Mr. Houchins. Turns out that his son and nephew-in-law wanted in. Our guys came back and brought us up to date.
“Vernon Houchins, Mr. Houchins’ son, is older than Lon Cummins which is Mr. Houchins’ nephew in law but he knows the town better so he’s going with us while Lon watches the farm’s security. Tomorrow night we are going with Vernon and head to town and do what he calls recon. We’ll figure out what their current lay out is – Vernons says they already have some idea but want better maps – and try and get a general head count. It is going to take me, Aston, and Reggie to see who is left over from the original group of kids that got left behind and whether they are in charge or the gang members … or someone totally new to the scene. I … I don’t like it but it is either that or take Ashley or Ginger.”
I asked, “Why not me?”
He just looked at me before answering, “First off, we would be able to pick people we know out better even if they are still playing dress up. Second …”
He looked hesitant to say it so I crossed my arms and said, “You think if someone sees me it will mess things up.”
He nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. As it is Vernon may have to play least in sight and let the rest of us move around. We don’t know what the age range is that is left in town. He’s not old, old but no way could he play at being a teenager.”
Aston added, “And we can’t let Matt know that we’re onto him … or whoever might be pulling his strings … because then we’d lose the element of surprise and they might change tactics. You can get inside Matt’s head. We can’t lose that advantage.”
Not happy but resigned I told them, “OK. I get it. Just stop making me out to be a sick secret weapon. Get in, get out, and come home. Matt can go to Hades for all I care.”
Later that night after Jax and I had spent some personal time together he said, “You aren’t OK with this are you.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t look like I have much choice in the matter.”
Quietly he said, “We need to know what is going on. If we can’t trust what is being put out on the radio then we need to see for ourselves.”
“I get that part,” I replied.
“Then what?”
Sitting up in bed I wrapped my arms around my knees. Jax made to sit up as well but I told him, “Don’t. I’m just a little wound up. You’re tired and need some rest.”
“At least tell me what you’re thinking.”
Sighing I told him, “I don’t like telling people to do what I can’t or won’t.”
“You aren’t.”
I shook my head. “Might as well from my stand point.” Sighing and then leaning my head back and looking at the ceiling though I couldn’t see it I said, “For whatever reason Matt has singled me out. I don’t like it. I don’t like what it is costing me. I don’t like what it is creating for other people to deal with. I don’t like … like feeling like I have no control over what is going on. If Matt does have a … a thing … or whatever … for me, I want to face it head on and deal with it personally, alone so no one else gets hurt.”
Tugging at me enough that I gave in and laid back down beside him he said, “I guess I can see that. A little. But you aren’t alone. I’m here and I’m going to try and deal with Matt in a way that lessens the chance of anyone getting hurt. It’s not that I don’t think you can handle my cousin. It’s that I don’t want to see anyone take a fall here if it isn’t necessary. I’ve got to know for myself if he has PTSD or some other problem that … that can … I don’t know … be dealt with some other way than through violence. This isn’t the movies or a game; if someone gets shot dead they aren’t getting back up again … ever.”
I turned to him in the dark. “Don’t underestimate what Matt is capable of. I got off lucky I guess. All I got was a big ol’ helping of humiliation. But if … if that gang is involved and you’ve already been shot …”
“I know Hon.” He hugged me to him. “I’m not underestimating him. I just need to know the facts before I start making any assumptions. Matt has hacked me off enough that I could go in guns blazing but I’m trying to be the better man. If Matt has turned into a … into a … a rabid animal … I’ll put him down. He’s family and it’s my responsibility. But if there’s a chance that none of us have to go there … “
I sighed and laid my head on his chest. “OK. Fine. I get it. You … you have things you need to know about Matt before we go any further. Just be careful. And if you have to start shooting …”
“Yeah?”
I told him, “Just get it done and don’t look back.”
Part 13
Getting Jax and the others to understand what I felt was Matt’s ultimate – and unrealistic – goal I had to first explain to them what the idea of a utopian society really meant.
Many people throughout history have romanticized the idea of a utopian society. The word utopia is Greek in origin but wasn’t really used for its current meaning until this English guy named Sir Thomas More borrowed it for the title of his book about a fictional island nation with the perfect socio-political-legal system. Notice the economics part of it was left out. My best guess is the issue of finance and currency are left out of most utopian concepts because they are the hardest to deal with in any realistic way without revealing that even in a utopian society you wind up with an elite class and a “non-citizen” or “slave” class. Utopian societies that do cover the issue of economics often use the concepts of wealth redistribution and political membership; socialism is a good example of a so-called economic utopia.
Everyone has their idea of what utopia would be. What most people don’t realize is that such a society is artificial rather than natural and comes with less free will and individuality, not more. Plato, while not actually using the term utopia, called it The Republic. His utopia was the city-state where the individual and self-identity was always subservient to society and the body politic. But even for the great idealist Plato, there was always a ruling elite and a part of the population that were slaves.
Any time that utopias have been attempted they wound up being more of a cult that required a charismatic leader and policing authority to make sure everyone maintained the dictated status quo. Matt and his father were bedazzled by the idea of a utopian society because in their minds they would always be part of the ruling elite. Actually they saw themselves as one of the few worthy of such authority. In other words they were fine with strict rules of conduct so long as they were the ones making the rules and vetting their fellow elitists. I can say it now that it was their egotistical intellect, their ivory tower academics, that supported their prideful assumptions. Back then, even after Matt had humiliated me, I was still a bit in awe of his intelligence. Matt’s fall from the lofty pedestal I had placed him on would come, but not yet.
The opposite of utopia is anarchy … absolutely no ruling authority. It is a “if it feels good do it” society with the only rules of conduct being those chosen by the individual for himself with no regard to how it affects others. Strangely enough an anarchic society is often just as idealized, romanticized, and ultimately unsustainable as a utopian society. Why? Because people are human.
The idea that we are all endowed with individual rights by our Creator must be balanced with the understanding that rights come with responsibilities imposed by the moral authority of that Creator and that one person’s rights do not eclipse or supersede the rights of others.
A classic example to explain what I mean is that we are endowed with the freedom of speech but that freedom doesn’t mean that we have the right to walk into a crowded theater and yell FIRE thereby creating a hazard. Some people use that idea as a way to place well-meaning limitations on rights. I prefer to look at it as we’re exercising the moral responsibilities that come with our endowed rights and that if we fail to exercise responsibility we will suffer consequences. Being human we tend to want to codify our rights and consequences so that they get applied equally to all – or at least that is the intent – and so that the consequences are known prior to the exercise of irresponsibility. Finding that balance has historically always been a challenge.
People have for thousands of years struggled to find the balance between complete and unattainable utopia and complete and unsustainable anarchy. The Greek and Roman era idealized their ideas and wound up with something that looked like Plato’s Republic. There are also religious utopias in history like the Community of Qumran. Sir More’s book about a fictional utopia that I mentioned earlier had a rule of religious tolerance; but, if you broke the rule the consequence was slavery or exile and the only despised person within that utopian concept was the atheist as they didn’t believe in ultimate reward for good behavior. Religious utopian concepts are as catch as catch can as any other concept of utopia.
During the Middle Ages people seemed to dump the whole idea of utopia as they were too busy just surviving, both the times and the elites who ruled over them. Some people think of monasteries and nunneries as the utopias of the Middle Ages but that wouldn’t be factual as they knew that perfection could not be obtained on earth and were focused instead on service to reach Heaven. When the Renaissance came along anyone inclined to think about it went back to thinking of utopia as the idealized view held by Plato and other such ancient philosophers.
Post Renaissance to modern times people continue to try unsuccessfully time after time to create a utopian society. In America four of the best known were Brook Farm (brought down by the concept of Fourierism which dictated that young people out of a “sense of honor” had to do all of the dirty work), Fruitlands (political anarchy, free love, and veganism didn’t go over well in the Victorian era), Pullman’s Capitalist Utopia (which might have worked except it’s founder had set up rigid class barriers which harkened back to the elitist/slave problem of the earliest utopian examples), and the Shakers (who died out due primarily to strict gender segregation and the “no sex allowed” clause of their membership).
Reggie leaned forward and said, “I can’t believe anyone considered Matt smarter than you.”
I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment and I had the desire to throw a sofa pillow at Reggie and knock that supercilious smirk right off his face. “Enough. Matt had the better grades and everyone knows it. I’m not talking to make myself into some kind of … some kind of …”
Ginger saved me. “Enough Reg. You want to throw her off her stride and leave us hanging wondering what the heck she’s talking about?” Well, she sort of saved me.
It was actually Aston that said quietly, “Knock it off you two. School is out. All the teachers are dead. The rest of it is ancient history.” Turning to me he asked, “OK, so the lecture was interesting, but what does it mean for us?”
Jax, who’d I been sitting next to on the sofa put his hand at the back of my neck. It was warm and comforting and helped me center myself so that I could continue. “Matt’s dad, despite the way he dressed, was at heart a New Ager. He didn’t know whether to be a hippy or a nerd and he had to stuff all of that in a business suit. The church they attended had this real charismatic pastor that couched all things religious in touchy feeling psychology. Matt’s mom’s main complaint about me – when she bothered noticing me at all – was that I wouldn’t attend their church, that our church was way too old fashioned, uncompromising and therefore judgmental.”
Jax snorted. “Yeah. You were either a member of the club or you weren’t. If you weren’t there must be something inherently wrong with you that only help from that preacher guy could help fix. I only went with them to keep the peace but I kept Kelly with me the whole time rather than leave her in the nursery; I was too worried about what she might be learning.”
I patted his knee and looked over at Kelly who had crashed while playing with some of my old dolls. Looking back at the others I told them, “Matt’s folks – at least his dad – weren’t bad people. No one can make me say they were. They were … different though from my folks and … and it was kind of a never the ‘twain should meet kind of situation. Matt’s dad just could understand my dad’s antipathy towards the utility company and some involved in local politics. He considered my family … well … backward.”
Ashley asked, “Backward? What about all of this? I mean we still have lights and running water and stuff. Different story in town. I’ll take backward any day if it comes with a hot shower.”
I smiled. “Like I’ve said, most people never knew Dad was a tinkerer … that he liked technology better than just fine; he just believed that responsible application of technology was more important than the technology itself. Matt’s dad wasn’t … wasn’t …” I stopped at a loss for words.
Jax said, “Don’t worry about making personal judgments Lydie, just try and explain the concepts.”
That I was more comfortable with. “OK.” Pulling my thoughts together I explained, “Matt’s dad … and Matt for that matter … believed in something called technological utopianism. In a nutshell all that means is that they believed that technology and science would eventually bring about a worldwide utopia.”
Reggie scrunched up his face and said, “From what I’ve see it’s more likely to bring about nerds with delusions of grandeur and weapons of mass destruction.”
There were a few snickers just because Reggie’s zingers tended to bring it out of people. I shrugged fighting a smile myself. “You aren’t far off the mark. As a hypothesis techno-utopias have absolutely no supporting proof for their conclusions.” Thinking a little bit I asked, “Any of you of heard of transhumanism?”
Aston mumbled, “Sounds like one of those techno bands from the clubs in Nashville.”
Reggie guffawed at his comment but the rest of us just rolled our eyes. “Transhumanism is a form of techno-utopianism. They believe in fundamentally transforming the human condition by developing and making available technologies that do things like eliminate aging and greatly enhance human intelligence, and physical and psychological capacities. Transhumanists study the potential benefits and dangers of emerging technologies that could overcome fundamental human limitations, as well as the ethical matters involved in using such technologies. They predict that human beings may eventually be able to transform themselves into beings so far beyond current man that they’d merit the evolutionary label posthuman.”
Ginger said, “They sound like loonies.”
I shrugged. “Depends on how you look at it. Before things went to heck in a hand basket how many folks were into plastic surgery and anti-aging lotions and potions? What about steroid use? You know, the how to make a better athlete crowd? And if not a better athlete, a better tool for an athlete? What about all the science studies being done with stem cells and such trying to give paraplegic’s the ability to walk again?”
“But that’s good stuff.”
I grinned. “Sure. So long as you keep it in perspective and under control. Remember the Tanorexic Momma? Cat Woman that got addicted to plastic surgery and let it get out of hand? Lizard Man who intentionally transformed his features to look like … well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose but that guy was just plain freaky and I wonder how well he is surviving in the world we live in now.”
Jax stopped our conversational straying and got us back on topic. “And what has all that got to do with what you think Matt’s plans are?”
I shrugged sadly, “Utopia might be his stated, long term goal but he isn’t above using people’s immediate needs to keep him one of the elite and above having to do the dirty work. At one time I admired him for that … but … but after my family was killed I started … maturing I guess you would say. I looked at things differently. I realized work wasn’t just something to be gotten through or avoided, but had a … a purpose. There is something inherently good and right in work; it … it fulfills something, some need, that people have even when they don’t realize it. It’s … satisfying. And you shouldn’t have to have some overreaching overseer to make you do it. It should be a choice, not an arbitrary mandate based on someone else’s choice of your station in life.”
Looking at them, unsure whether they understood what I was trying to say. “Work comes in all shapes and flavors. I’m not knocking people or saying that one type of job is better than another type. But Matt’s attitude … his dad’s attitude … was like Plato’s and all of the other utopians; you have the ruling class and then you have the slaves. Oh they never called people slaves, they were very PC about it, but they used terms like non-citizens, non-conformists, criminal class, intellectually insufficient or genetically damaged. It all amounts to the same thing. And they always saw themselves as being the ones to determine the thresholds of those terms.”
Someone asked, “And the technology angle?”
“Technology was what would give them the advantage and they would dole it out to those that … that conformed to the society they wanted to create.” Cynically I added, “With good intentions of course.”
I thought for a second then caught myself chewing on my thumb’s cuticle, a bad habit I fought hard to break but that still crept back up on me during times of stress. “Matt wants to get the power back on in town. He’ll act like it is a gift to others but just as soon as people let their guard down and get used to things he’ll start using it as a bribe or a weapon. I can see how he could pull it off and if I can, I’m sure he has plans in that direction too.” Shaking my head I said, “I don’t care what you guys say Matt is flaming brilliant. He probably already has it all worked out how to get the power back up and running. Where he will expect me to help is how to make it all palatable and … and … sellable.”
Ashley asked, “Sellable?”
Reggie nodded. “Yeah. My dad was good at that. He could sell yellow snow to Eskimos. Matt is a narcissist but he’s … well … he’s just not a salesman for his ideas. Of course getting the power back on would sell itself.”
Aston said, “Up to a point. I mean, who wants to do the crappy work in crappy weather like he is probably going to ask people to do.”
Jax nodded. “Sure, I get it now. And not everyone can possibly get power back at the same time so some people are going to have to wait their turn.”
I added, “Or pick up and move to where Matt tells them to move. And of course he’ll pick where, and some people will get better places than others … based on how close to Matt they are.”
While Ginger nodded Ashley said, “Which will create a bunch of suck ups.”
“Exactly. And that is where the infighting would start. Matt is good with the math and science … the schematics of a project but he is terrible at seeing that people won’t ultimately bend to his will and do what he wants them to do. At least he won’t admit it openly. I think that is where his … his manipulation comes in. See I’m the flow chart girl. If this then that. I know how to dress things up and make them prettier, make other people want whatever it is that Matt is offering to the point that they’ll be willing to take turns or wait in line; stay calm longer. Because I’ll be able to explain it and make them feel … fell part of it.” Shaking my head I said, “Geez, I sound like a freak, worse than Matt does.”
Reggie grinned evilly and I waited for a zinger but what I got surprised me. “Which is probably what he is going for. He wants your brain … and a fall guy for other people to blame.”
My first instinct was to deny it but thinking about it I couldn’t; it was as good a hypothesis as anything else we had come up with. “You know guys, all of this could be nothing but hot air. I could be completely wrong.”
Aston nodded. “Sure. Maybe. We don’t have to be married to it for it to give us a place to start.”
And that pretty much summed it up right there. It was a place to start. What we needed from this point forward would be more information. And there was really only one way to get it.
Jax and Aston went the next day to talk to Mr. Houchins. Turns out that his son and nephew-in-law wanted in. Our guys came back and brought us up to date.
“Vernon Houchins, Mr. Houchins’ son, is older than Lon Cummins which is Mr. Houchins’ nephew in law but he knows the town better so he’s going with us while Lon watches the farm’s security. Tomorrow night we are going with Vernon and head to town and do what he calls recon. We’ll figure out what their current lay out is – Vernons says they already have some idea but want better maps – and try and get a general head count. It is going to take me, Aston, and Reggie to see who is left over from the original group of kids that got left behind and whether they are in charge or the gang members … or someone totally new to the scene. I … I don’t like it but it is either that or take Ashley or Ginger.”
I asked, “Why not me?”
He just looked at me before answering, “First off, we would be able to pick people we know out better even if they are still playing dress up. Second …”
He looked hesitant to say it so I crossed my arms and said, “You think if someone sees me it will mess things up.”
He nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. As it is Vernon may have to play least in sight and let the rest of us move around. We don’t know what the age range is that is left in town. He’s not old, old but no way could he play at being a teenager.”
Aston added, “And we can’t let Matt know that we’re onto him … or whoever might be pulling his strings … because then we’d lose the element of surprise and they might change tactics. You can get inside Matt’s head. We can’t lose that advantage.”
Not happy but resigned I told them, “OK. I get it. Just stop making me out to be a sick secret weapon. Get in, get out, and come home. Matt can go to Hades for all I care.”
Later that night after Jax and I had spent some personal time together he said, “You aren’t OK with this are you.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t look like I have much choice in the matter.”
Quietly he said, “We need to know what is going on. If we can’t trust what is being put out on the radio then we need to see for ourselves.”
“I get that part,” I replied.
“Then what?”
Sitting up in bed I wrapped my arms around my knees. Jax made to sit up as well but I told him, “Don’t. I’m just a little wound up. You’re tired and need some rest.”
“At least tell me what you’re thinking.”
Sighing I told him, “I don’t like telling people to do what I can’t or won’t.”
“You aren’t.”
I shook my head. “Might as well from my stand point.” Sighing and then leaning my head back and looking at the ceiling though I couldn’t see it I said, “For whatever reason Matt has singled me out. I don’t like it. I don’t like what it is costing me. I don’t like what it is creating for other people to deal with. I don’t like … like feeling like I have no control over what is going on. If Matt does have a … a thing … or whatever … for me, I want to face it head on and deal with it personally, alone so no one else gets hurt.”
Tugging at me enough that I gave in and laid back down beside him he said, “I guess I can see that. A little. But you aren’t alone. I’m here and I’m going to try and deal with Matt in a way that lessens the chance of anyone getting hurt. It’s not that I don’t think you can handle my cousin. It’s that I don’t want to see anyone take a fall here if it isn’t necessary. I’ve got to know for myself if he has PTSD or some other problem that … that can … I don’t know … be dealt with some other way than through violence. This isn’t the movies or a game; if someone gets shot dead they aren’t getting back up again … ever.”
I turned to him in the dark. “Don’t underestimate what Matt is capable of. I got off lucky I guess. All I got was a big ol’ helping of humiliation. But if … if that gang is involved and you’ve already been shot …”
“I know Hon.” He hugged me to him. “I’m not underestimating him. I just need to know the facts before I start making any assumptions. Matt has hacked me off enough that I could go in guns blazing but I’m trying to be the better man. If Matt has turned into a … into a … a rabid animal … I’ll put him down. He’s family and it’s my responsibility. But if there’s a chance that none of us have to go there … “
I sighed and laid my head on his chest. “OK. Fine. I get it. You … you have things you need to know about Matt before we go any further. Just be careful. And if you have to start shooting …”
“Yeah?”
I told him, “Just get it done and don’t look back.”
juco
Veteran Member
“Just get it done and don’t look back.”
That reminded me of the Nike slogan.
Which in turn, reminded me of Expose' ( the Nike mod, just do it. LOL) God rest her soul.
Now I feel nostalgic.
Very good chapter, thank you Kathy. I was tempted to skim over the historical explanation of utopia but realized it's potential significance to the story line so I went back and re-read it.
But I have a feeling that Jax won't be the one that has to "get it done"....
That reminded me of the Nike slogan.
Which in turn, reminded me of Expose' ( the Nike mod, just do it. LOL) God rest her soul.
Now I feel nostalgic.
Very good chapter, thank you Kathy. I was tempted to skim over the historical explanation of utopia but realized it's potential significance to the story line so I went back and re-read it.
But I have a feeling that Jax won't be the one that has to "get it done"....
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Very good, thank you.
I did everything but my externship/practicum to teach at the highschool level. But I did spend a decade working in an education and training program that provided CEUs for licensure of mental help professionals. Does that count? LOL! At one point I would have loved to have been a teacher but once I found that teachers were no longer encouraged to teach so much as be class room managers I chose to refocus my love of learning into teaching my own children.
The most important thing is to simply love learning. My husband laughs and tells me that the reason I love to do research so much is because I'm nosey. He is at least partially correct. I just like knowing things; it's like finding treasure. I've been lucky however that I never fell into the trap of being a life time student to the exclusion of actually leading a life. Academics is one thing but there is no substitute for the lessons learned by living. I've been very blessed in my life that way.
Kua is right you have a "reference library in your noggin". For some teaching is more than a job it's a calling. I'm sure you are a blessing to many more than just your family, you are a blessing to all of us here for sure.
It is a shame that schools these days are what they are and scary because they are a reflection of what our society has become.
My sister was a high school teacher and one of those who was "called" to teach. I had a chance to talk to some of the parents of "her kids" and everyone of them was amazed at the change in their kids' attitudes and newfound confidence in their abilities. Her classes were fun and exciting and nobody was left behind. She always told me that if her kids weren't learning it wasn't their fault it was her's.
Kathy, I think if you had been a high school teacher you would have been one of the best. Your stories are so much fun, but I always come away with something of value that I can incorporate into my life and share with others along the way.
Thank you for doing what you do.
It is a shame that schools these days are what they are and scary because they are a reflection of what our society has become.
My sister was a high school teacher and one of those who was "called" to teach. I had a chance to talk to some of the parents of "her kids" and everyone of them was amazed at the change in their kids' attitudes and newfound confidence in their abilities. Her classes were fun and exciting and nobody was left behind. She always told me that if her kids weren't learning it wasn't their fault it was her's.
Kathy, I think if you had been a high school teacher you would have been one of the best. Your stories are so much fun, but I always come away with something of value that I can incorporate into my life and share with others along the way.
Thank you for doing what you do.
223shootersc
Veteran Member
thanks for the new chapter, good stuff
They Just Don’t Make Emperors Like They Used To
Part 1
Sitting by the pallet we’d made up in front of the fireplace in the family room I looked at Marty’s papery gray skin and could only feel sorry for her. She’d cried herself to sleep for about the fifth time in less than two days. Of course she’d only been awake that many times in that period as well; it was just gut wrenching.
“Hey … why don’t you go spend some time with Jax. I’ll sit with her for a while.” I was grateful to have learned over the last few months that Ginger was a lot more empathetic than I’d given her credit for being.
“You sure? She … uh …”
“I heard. And Mrs. Houchins explained a few things before she left. So yeah, I’m sure. Reggie said he’d be in here in a minute after he hit the john and grabbed a bowl of soup. Aston is on duty up in the cupola. I think he just needed some space and time to come to terms with things. Ashley said he’s taking it pretty hard.”
Sighing I said, “Ok, thanks. I … I won’t be long. I just need … need …”
My composure was slipping but she understood. “Go talk to Jax and maybe take a quick shower. It’ll wash the fuzzy brain down the drain.”
I gave a half-hearted snort and said, “Cute.” Still, I nodded and quietly left the room and headed down the hall. I hadn’t gone far when Jax came out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in his hand and a resolute look on his face.
“You’re going to eat this soup and you’re going to …”
He stopped talking when my bottom lip started quivering and I suddenly took off outside at a half gallop. A few minutes later he found me on all fours heaving into the snow that surrounded the winter incarnation of my great great grandmother’s wild rose bushes. When I was finished he helped me to stumble towards the tractor barn and Dad’s office. He poured me into a chair and then got a cloth and some water so I could rinse my mouth out and wash my face.
“Where’s … where’s Kelly?” I asked.
“Down for her nap in the kitchen with Ashley.” He brushed the hair away from my neck and put a damp cloth across it to help me combat my nausea. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It isn’t your fault.”
Reluctantly I said, “No. It isn’t. But I didn’t exactly help either.”
Gruffly he replied, “What were you going to do? She’d already two-timed you by taking up with Matt; already gotten so emotionally locked in to believing what she wanted to believe, that she couldn’t see it any more than you could when you guys were all in school together. Not to mention that it’s pretty much a given that it started even before the terrorist attack on the town.”
Trying to be realistic I said, “Ok. Yeah. But … but she was my best friend Jax. Why didn’t I see what was going on back then? And then I waited to go into town for how long? And now … maybe I should have tried harder, something, to find out what happened to her when we found out she … she wasn’t …”
“We all thought Matt had her tucked up someplace safe. How were you … any of us … supposed to know what really happened?”
What really happened. So many of the stories of what really happened in those days have been buried hard and deep. No one wants to know those stories. Many of the people that lived the worst of it have gone on to their rewards and if they are still living I’ve yet to meet one that wanted their story told so that the names they now use are attached to it. Most of all no one wants to wonder if we’ve really come all that far from the brutality of those war years.
Matt didn’t put Marty in hiding except from the remaining kids from the original group that got left behind. None of them apparently knew what happened to her, not then. What Matt did was unforgivable in human standards. He used her as a sort of down payment to get in with one of the upper echelons of the gang leadership. See what Matt did was play King Maker; and it was Suicide that he chose to make king.
Matt knew that in the normal scheme of things he hadn’t had the time to really break Marty completely so that she would do what he told her to do without question so he set about speeding the process up. At first he told Marty that he was keeping her safe but the only supplies she had access to were those he provided for her. He kept her hungry and thirsty and literally in the dark, locked in the basement of a house not too far from his parents’. She was scared with no way to run and completely dependent on Matt. When she’d exhausted the first batch of supplies he was a little late in bringing the next batch and she pounced on them and never even thought to wonder why they were out of their original packaging. Those supplies were laced with narcotics … just a taste.
When Marty questioned how she started to feel after eating Matt had a ready excuse and apology handy. I’m sure he gave an award winning performance. He was so sorry, that she must have caught the bug that was going around through the refugees from him. Oh how sweetly he apologized. The next excuse he used was some of the food must have been bad, explaining the off taste that she’d noticed. The next time she it was that she was understandably stressed out and her sugar levels were fluctuating crazily … for that one he even rigged one of those diabetic finger prickers to make it look like she had low blood sugar. Enter energy drinks that better covered the bitter flavor of the drugs he was doping her with. That excuse worked a couple of times. But then Matt started withdrawing from her and it became that she was imagining things … and then she was trying to play him for a fool after all the things he’d done for her, all the personal risks that he’d taken on her behalf; she was ungrateful and didn’t love him enough.
Next time he came he doped her with what was probably either some type of ecstasy knock off drug or maybe even GHB because she claimed not to remember the first assault at all though there was no mistaking what had happened to her after she woke up. By that time he also had her addicted to whatever drugs he’d been putting her in her food. He kept her in a constant state of craving and near withdrawal which made her easy prey for Suicide when the man decided to finally reveal himself instead of putting GHB in her drinks to make her compliant. It wasn’t sex he truly craved but power. He used her roughly and often in the beginning but as she lost her looks and became ill he came less often but became more violent. And she let him. All she cared about was escaping her reality with the drugs he would give her afterwards.
She hit rock bottom when she accidentally overheard that all of the remaining girls from the school were being used in much the same way, or at least the ones that hadn’t run off; and some of them had. Those that wouldn’t join the gang and didn’t run off in time were killed.
It was beyond sickening. None of us could conceive how our friends could have devolved in such a way even when it was a matter of survival. In less than a year they had gone from being normal teenagers to becoming demented monsters or destroyed shells … and Marty was destroyed all right.
I was shocked that Jax had brought Marty to the Home Place; shocked that he had brought any of them home. I mean in hindsight I understand it but then … then all I could feel was shock and disgust at what had taken place.
In addition to Marty there were five others. There was Johnson Keefer and his twin sister Janice. Janice had been used hard a couple of times before Johnson could escape and rescue her and as a result she was skittish and withdrawn. They were one of the first to break free after the gang came to town and took over and had been making plans to leave when they were joined by Aiden Landon and his cousin Julian Hitchcock better known as Jules. Amazingly enough Janice and Aiden had become an item shortly thereafter, recreating a relationship they’d had our freshman year of highschool. It was even more amazing that Johnson allowed it.
Johnson, Janice, Aiden, and Jules had been scavenging for supplies to tide them over until they could come up with a realistic plan on where to go and how to get there. They ran into Alexis Tindale and Genesis “Gennie” Lopez during one of their scavenging raids on Matt’s old supply caches. Alexis was from Chattanooga and Gennie was originally from Atlanta but had been sent to Chattanooga to be with her grandparents right before some kind of terrorist attack at the CDC when the city got shut down hard by the military. Both had been slaves of the gangs that ate or absorbed each other up until they’d ridden into our town and decided to settle down.
Gennie was fourteen going on forty, but not in a really bad way. She was an inner city kid with a rough homelife. She’d obviously suffered badly at the hands of the gang members but we all realized she likely had a better chance of not just surviving but overcoming what had happened to her than many of our hometown girls did. Alexis was eighteen and was as tough as new boots but at the same time she was very protective of Gennie and then of the rest of the crew as they threw in together, the boys included. It appeared that she and Johnson would soon make a pair of it once they felt they didn’t have to be so on guard 24/7.
As you can guess Alexis and I eyed each other a bit like two dogs after the same bone for about half a day. She also managed to put Reggie’s hackles up, probably for the same reason. The three of us were almost too much alike. Reggie and I had found our groove though by learning where to draw the line or take a break from the other’s company. Accidentally all three of us wound up alone in the kitchen mid-day after they came in. We were all still reeling from the surprise … them for being able to escape town so unexpectedly, us for the almost doubling of the people at home.
It was Reggie that finally said, “You know we can do this one of two ways … the hard or the easy. I don’t know how you ladies feel but I’m about done with hard for at least a day or two.”
I rolled my eyes and looked at Alexis for her reaction. She obviously wasn’t sure what to make of Reggie’s patented weirdness. I told her, “Despite the fact that he occasionally acts like he is operating with very few normal brain cells, he’s right this time.”
A little warily she asked, “Yeah? And?”
“And … we got problems that could hurt us worse than worrying about who is going to be top b … er … top dog.” Alexis snorted and then fell silent in embarrassment as her stomach growled. I asked her, “You want a slice of bread with jam on it? The soup I made for lunch didn’t go as far as I thought it would.”
She looked at me and then asked, “You really got food and stuff here? Decent water?”
I nodded, “All the trappings of civilization.”
She backed away suspiciously. “Marty was telling the truth. You’re like that freak Matt.”
Crossing my arms I shook my head. “No … at least not the way I think you mean. I just … look … I …”
Reggie said, “She talks like an encyclopedia sometimes but she’s not bad when you get to know her.”
“Reg!” I snapped irritably.
He only laughed at my discomfort. “You know it’s the truth.” Turning to Alexis he got much more serious. “She and Matt were an item for a long time before; but no way was she like him. Matt and Marty were …”
“Her best friends. Yeah, I’ve heard the story,” Alexis said, cynicism coating her words.
“Great,” I muttered. “My humiliation just keeps spreading far and wide.”
Alexis gave me a searching look and then sat down at the table. “Nah. If you survived the Geek Freak more power to you. He can rot in hell for all I care.” Her words echoed mine in an eerie way. “I’m just wondering where this leaves Gennie and me. I can see you taking in the others, you went to school with them. Doesn’t seem like you expected anyone else.”
Reggie just leaned back in his chair as if to say, “This is your problem Toots, not mine.”
I leaned back against the kitchen counter and said, “We all need to sit down and see where this is going to go. I can’t make you stay if you don’t want to but the weather is starting to turn bad. And we can’t just let you wander around, you might get hurt or tell folks about us and with the way things are we don’t need that kind of trouble. Johnson, Jules and Aston were all on the football team together and Aston is vouching for them. Jax says that the way … er … uh …”
“You mean the scars tell you we were beat on a lot,” she snapped defensively.
“No, actually I meant that Jax said that the way you and Gennie didn’t hesitate to fight on our side to escape when it might have been easier to turn them over to the gang means that he’s willing to trust you, or at least give you a chance anyway. That Gennie saved Vernon’s life by taking out a guard that was about to snipe his position and that you volunteered to stay behind with Marty until Jax took her and carried her to the vehicles also says you are probably OK.”
Protectively Alexis said, “It isn’t Marty’s fault. I know how Suicide can be … he had me for about a week before he got distracted by some older chick that was looking to move up the food chain. If it is anyone’s fault it is that freak’s.” When she saw me wince she asked, “What? You still have feelings for that sick jerk?!”
With absolute conviction I told her, “No. Not at all. But he is Jax’s cousin and … and we have history even if I don’t like admitting it … and it is still hard to believe what he has become.”
Jax stepped into the kitchen and with death in his voice said, “Rabid. He’s obviously rabid.”
I knew what he was referring to. “Jax.”
He shook his head. “No. I said if I found out … that I’d accept responsibility for doing what had to be done. I tried … but …”
“There was never a clear shot Jax, you know it. You came close but hid behind too many people. There was no way unless you’d gotten a lot closer and Vernon wanted us gone asap,” Reggie explained.
“He can’t be allowed to continue doing what he is doing.”
Trying to understand I said, “I thought all of you said that Suicide was the man in charge.”
Everyone nodded but Jax said, “But Matt is the man behind the throne.” He finally let me get close enough that I could put my arms around him. “Lydie I know you all were freaking a little that we were gone two more nights than we said but we got cut off and had to be sure what we were up against.”
“You explained it already and I’m done having a heart attack. Besides Ginger figured out what was going on by listening to their radio transmissions. I guess they don’t realize even their street level hand radios can be heard outside of town because of the repeaters we set up.”
Gennie stumbled in and looked like a completely different person after good head-to-toe scrub and letting Ginger and Ashley trim her hair and do something with her broken nails and torn cuticles. “You can bet Suicide doesn’t know about this place,” she said with a bit of awe in her voice. “Or he’d pop you of here like a clam from its shell. Do you know how long it’s been since I been someplace where the faucets still work?”
Feeling growly about the crowded feeling I was getting I said, “I’m not worried about Suicide, he’ll get what is coming to him one way or the other. I just don’t want Matt to know about this place.”
“I thought you and him were like tight, boyfriend and girlfriend.”
I sighed. “I did too. But we didn’t really … uh … date per se. And he certainly never came to my house. He thought my parents were just a couple of hicks.”
Looking at me with a decided lack of understanding she asked, “How could you go with a guy that disrespected your poppa and momma like that?”
I shrugged defensively. “Because he didn’t do it directly and because I was an idiot. Can we change the subject?”
There was a moment of awkward silence and then like Alexis had come to some conclusion she said, “Yeah. Sure. That bread and jam still an offer?”
I nodded and turned and sliced the last loaf I had baked. I sighed and Jax wanted to know about what. “Wheat is going to get scarce before I can get the next crop in the field, much less get it threshed and ready for use. I can replace it with cornmeal but even that will get low before I can harvest more. It will also mean that our plans to try and locate more animals might be out unless they are good at surviving on fodder and grazing only. I hadn’t expected to …”
Johnson, still huge and imposing even after suffering depredation and weight loss, suddenly filled the doorway that led to the hall. “You didn’t expect to have to feed so many.”
Johnson was almost nineteen having failed both kindergarten and first grade before landing in a foster home that cared enough to realize it was a hearing deficit that caused his learning challenges and not his intelligence level. A new-fangled cochlear type implant combined with intensive therapy corrected his deficits and his self-esteem issues were corrected when his foster father – soon to be his adoptive father – got him involved in sports.
His fraternal twin Janice was his polar opposite in many ways; small and petite, her hair a long curtain that she used to hide behind where Johnson barely let any stubble crow on his head, a quiet voice she rarely used, and a manner that was so gentle she couldn’t even startle the goats. Johnson was extremely protective of her – as was Aiden – and I could see him calculating the risks of staying even if he didn’t actually say it aloud.
“No one needs to fritz out,” I said with some warranted confidence to keep the new comers from panicking. “I’ll keep us fed, I just have to recalculate in a few areas and rearrange how we get it done. The problem isn’t in the here and now, it’s the future if the upcoming seasons’ crops don’t produce enough. But we were already going to have that issue, there will just be less cushion now. I’ll also need to hold back more for seed, enlarge the garden, and include foraging for wild food as necessities rather than luxuries.”
I mentally drifted away as my need to get the issues and sudden ideas I was being mentally bombarded with down on paper. I started to walk out of the room but stopped and said, “Oh crud. I’ve got to clean up and …”
Jax shook his head and said, “Just grab your spreadsheets and go sit with Marty. I’ll take your spot in tonight’s meal prep and put this stuff away where it belongs. The state you’re in you’ll likely put the jam in the bread box, the crumbs in the frig, and the plates in the laundry.”
I opened my mouth to deny the truth of his outrageous comment but then shrugged and gave him a kiss of gratitude instead. I wasn’t often that kind of dozey but when I was it was when I was on serious idea overload and Jax knew the symptoms. He’d found one of his boots in the potato bin and his freshly folded socks in the vegetable crisper on one such occasion.
I could feel the cold wood of my father’s desk beneath my forehead as I tried to breathe through another bought of nausea. I was using those memories to dig myself out of the dark place I had slipped as I began to understand exactly the position Marty had been in and recognized how close I could have been in exchanging places with her. My parents were fond of saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I’d never understood what they meant more than on that day.
Rewetting the cloth and using it to wipe my neck once again Jax asked, “Better?”
“There is no better … just acceptance.”
He kissed the top of my head gently. “It WILL get better Lydie; it’s just going to take time.”
“It won’t ever get better for Marty. She’s slipping no matter what any of us can do. Even Mrs. Houchins admitted it after she came and examined her with that granddaughter that was a trauma nurse. If we’re lucky she’ll last out the week. If she’s lucky God will release her from this hell of a life she’s been living sooner than that.”
“Lydie,” he whispered into my hair, trying to comfort me the best he could. But there was no comfort, only the truth and I’d learned the hard way after my family was killed that the last thing the truth often was in this life was comfortable.
I turned and looked at him. “Jax, don’t bother denying that you and the guys are discussing what is to be done. I know you are including Vernon and Lon … don’t leave me out. I have to be part of … part of whatever it is … part of the justice.”
Jax didn’t even bother trying to hide anything which took him up a notch in my esteem of him if that was possible. “Lydie we aren’t looking for justice. Or revenge. There is nothing that is going to make what has happened to Marty, or anyone else for that matter, any better. There is no payment big enough. What we are trying for is containment so that those in town are no longer a danger. If that means using deadly force then we’ll use deadly force. It likely will come to that.”
“To me that sounds like justice.”
“No. There’s not going to be a trial. No arrests. No more investigating. No interrogations or torture. Nothing. We aren’t the cops and we have no official authority. This isn’t about paybacks. We’re just a bunch of guys that don’t want to see this happen anymore … don’t want it to touch our families any more than it already has.”
“OK … but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t justice in there too.”
“Lydie …”
I shook my head. “You call it what you want to Jax. Call yourselves doctors who are excising a cancer for all I care; it amounts to the same thing. And it needs doing or eventually we’re all gonna wind up dead … in fact or in spirit. This kind of sickness eventually infects everything it comes in contact with.”
Jax warned, “Don’t romanticize and idealize this Lydie. No heroic ballads are going to be written about what we’re going to do. In fact it is very possible that we’ll be considered criminals. If we are then all bets are off for the future no matter what our intentions are.”
I nodded in acceptance. “But the risk has to be taken. The military doesn’t have the time, they’re too busy fighting foreign terrorists and battles in other countries. The police? When is the last time you’ve seen an officer? The militia? I’m not even sure that they haven’t been coopted by some of the gangs that have come through … the strong joining the strongest. If we don’t do something I don’t know who will. I haven’t exactly seen anyone else volunteering for the job, have you?”
He sighed and then sat down and proceeded to tell me some of the details of the plan that they’d worked out up to that point. I have to confess I was a little surprised at how far they’d already gone in sketching things out but then again, the addition of some of the minds and experience from the Houchins farm made all the difference. My problem was that I struggled to find a place where I could insert myself and help.
Part 1
Sitting by the pallet we’d made up in front of the fireplace in the family room I looked at Marty’s papery gray skin and could only feel sorry for her. She’d cried herself to sleep for about the fifth time in less than two days. Of course she’d only been awake that many times in that period as well; it was just gut wrenching.
“Hey … why don’t you go spend some time with Jax. I’ll sit with her for a while.” I was grateful to have learned over the last few months that Ginger was a lot more empathetic than I’d given her credit for being.
“You sure? She … uh …”
“I heard. And Mrs. Houchins explained a few things before she left. So yeah, I’m sure. Reggie said he’d be in here in a minute after he hit the john and grabbed a bowl of soup. Aston is on duty up in the cupola. I think he just needed some space and time to come to terms with things. Ashley said he’s taking it pretty hard.”
Sighing I said, “Ok, thanks. I … I won’t be long. I just need … need …”
My composure was slipping but she understood. “Go talk to Jax and maybe take a quick shower. It’ll wash the fuzzy brain down the drain.”
I gave a half-hearted snort and said, “Cute.” Still, I nodded and quietly left the room and headed down the hall. I hadn’t gone far when Jax came out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in his hand and a resolute look on his face.
“You’re going to eat this soup and you’re going to …”
He stopped talking when my bottom lip started quivering and I suddenly took off outside at a half gallop. A few minutes later he found me on all fours heaving into the snow that surrounded the winter incarnation of my great great grandmother’s wild rose bushes. When I was finished he helped me to stumble towards the tractor barn and Dad’s office. He poured me into a chair and then got a cloth and some water so I could rinse my mouth out and wash my face.
“Where’s … where’s Kelly?” I asked.
“Down for her nap in the kitchen with Ashley.” He brushed the hair away from my neck and put a damp cloth across it to help me combat my nausea. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It isn’t your fault.”
Reluctantly I said, “No. It isn’t. But I didn’t exactly help either.”
Gruffly he replied, “What were you going to do? She’d already two-timed you by taking up with Matt; already gotten so emotionally locked in to believing what she wanted to believe, that she couldn’t see it any more than you could when you guys were all in school together. Not to mention that it’s pretty much a given that it started even before the terrorist attack on the town.”
Trying to be realistic I said, “Ok. Yeah. But … but she was my best friend Jax. Why didn’t I see what was going on back then? And then I waited to go into town for how long? And now … maybe I should have tried harder, something, to find out what happened to her when we found out she … she wasn’t …”
“We all thought Matt had her tucked up someplace safe. How were you … any of us … supposed to know what really happened?”
What really happened. So many of the stories of what really happened in those days have been buried hard and deep. No one wants to know those stories. Many of the people that lived the worst of it have gone on to their rewards and if they are still living I’ve yet to meet one that wanted their story told so that the names they now use are attached to it. Most of all no one wants to wonder if we’ve really come all that far from the brutality of those war years.
Matt didn’t put Marty in hiding except from the remaining kids from the original group that got left behind. None of them apparently knew what happened to her, not then. What Matt did was unforgivable in human standards. He used her as a sort of down payment to get in with one of the upper echelons of the gang leadership. See what Matt did was play King Maker; and it was Suicide that he chose to make king.
Matt knew that in the normal scheme of things he hadn’t had the time to really break Marty completely so that she would do what he told her to do without question so he set about speeding the process up. At first he told Marty that he was keeping her safe but the only supplies she had access to were those he provided for her. He kept her hungry and thirsty and literally in the dark, locked in the basement of a house not too far from his parents’. She was scared with no way to run and completely dependent on Matt. When she’d exhausted the first batch of supplies he was a little late in bringing the next batch and she pounced on them and never even thought to wonder why they were out of their original packaging. Those supplies were laced with narcotics … just a taste.
When Marty questioned how she started to feel after eating Matt had a ready excuse and apology handy. I’m sure he gave an award winning performance. He was so sorry, that she must have caught the bug that was going around through the refugees from him. Oh how sweetly he apologized. The next excuse he used was some of the food must have been bad, explaining the off taste that she’d noticed. The next time she it was that she was understandably stressed out and her sugar levels were fluctuating crazily … for that one he even rigged one of those diabetic finger prickers to make it look like she had low blood sugar. Enter energy drinks that better covered the bitter flavor of the drugs he was doping her with. That excuse worked a couple of times. But then Matt started withdrawing from her and it became that she was imagining things … and then she was trying to play him for a fool after all the things he’d done for her, all the personal risks that he’d taken on her behalf; she was ungrateful and didn’t love him enough.
Next time he came he doped her with what was probably either some type of ecstasy knock off drug or maybe even GHB because she claimed not to remember the first assault at all though there was no mistaking what had happened to her after she woke up. By that time he also had her addicted to whatever drugs he’d been putting her in her food. He kept her in a constant state of craving and near withdrawal which made her easy prey for Suicide when the man decided to finally reveal himself instead of putting GHB in her drinks to make her compliant. It wasn’t sex he truly craved but power. He used her roughly and often in the beginning but as she lost her looks and became ill he came less often but became more violent. And she let him. All she cared about was escaping her reality with the drugs he would give her afterwards.
She hit rock bottom when she accidentally overheard that all of the remaining girls from the school were being used in much the same way, or at least the ones that hadn’t run off; and some of them had. Those that wouldn’t join the gang and didn’t run off in time were killed.
It was beyond sickening. None of us could conceive how our friends could have devolved in such a way even when it was a matter of survival. In less than a year they had gone from being normal teenagers to becoming demented monsters or destroyed shells … and Marty was destroyed all right.
I was shocked that Jax had brought Marty to the Home Place; shocked that he had brought any of them home. I mean in hindsight I understand it but then … then all I could feel was shock and disgust at what had taken place.
In addition to Marty there were five others. There was Johnson Keefer and his twin sister Janice. Janice had been used hard a couple of times before Johnson could escape and rescue her and as a result she was skittish and withdrawn. They were one of the first to break free after the gang came to town and took over and had been making plans to leave when they were joined by Aiden Landon and his cousin Julian Hitchcock better known as Jules. Amazingly enough Janice and Aiden had become an item shortly thereafter, recreating a relationship they’d had our freshman year of highschool. It was even more amazing that Johnson allowed it.
Johnson, Janice, Aiden, and Jules had been scavenging for supplies to tide them over until they could come up with a realistic plan on where to go and how to get there. They ran into Alexis Tindale and Genesis “Gennie” Lopez during one of their scavenging raids on Matt’s old supply caches. Alexis was from Chattanooga and Gennie was originally from Atlanta but had been sent to Chattanooga to be with her grandparents right before some kind of terrorist attack at the CDC when the city got shut down hard by the military. Both had been slaves of the gangs that ate or absorbed each other up until they’d ridden into our town and decided to settle down.
Gennie was fourteen going on forty, but not in a really bad way. She was an inner city kid with a rough homelife. She’d obviously suffered badly at the hands of the gang members but we all realized she likely had a better chance of not just surviving but overcoming what had happened to her than many of our hometown girls did. Alexis was eighteen and was as tough as new boots but at the same time she was very protective of Gennie and then of the rest of the crew as they threw in together, the boys included. It appeared that she and Johnson would soon make a pair of it once they felt they didn’t have to be so on guard 24/7.
As you can guess Alexis and I eyed each other a bit like two dogs after the same bone for about half a day. She also managed to put Reggie’s hackles up, probably for the same reason. The three of us were almost too much alike. Reggie and I had found our groove though by learning where to draw the line or take a break from the other’s company. Accidentally all three of us wound up alone in the kitchen mid-day after they came in. We were all still reeling from the surprise … them for being able to escape town so unexpectedly, us for the almost doubling of the people at home.
It was Reggie that finally said, “You know we can do this one of two ways … the hard or the easy. I don’t know how you ladies feel but I’m about done with hard for at least a day or two.”
I rolled my eyes and looked at Alexis for her reaction. She obviously wasn’t sure what to make of Reggie’s patented weirdness. I told her, “Despite the fact that he occasionally acts like he is operating with very few normal brain cells, he’s right this time.”
A little warily she asked, “Yeah? And?”
“And … we got problems that could hurt us worse than worrying about who is going to be top b … er … top dog.” Alexis snorted and then fell silent in embarrassment as her stomach growled. I asked her, “You want a slice of bread with jam on it? The soup I made for lunch didn’t go as far as I thought it would.”
She looked at me and then asked, “You really got food and stuff here? Decent water?”
I nodded, “All the trappings of civilization.”
She backed away suspiciously. “Marty was telling the truth. You’re like that freak Matt.”
Crossing my arms I shook my head. “No … at least not the way I think you mean. I just … look … I …”
Reggie said, “She talks like an encyclopedia sometimes but she’s not bad when you get to know her.”
“Reg!” I snapped irritably.
He only laughed at my discomfort. “You know it’s the truth.” Turning to Alexis he got much more serious. “She and Matt were an item for a long time before; but no way was she like him. Matt and Marty were …”
“Her best friends. Yeah, I’ve heard the story,” Alexis said, cynicism coating her words.
“Great,” I muttered. “My humiliation just keeps spreading far and wide.”
Alexis gave me a searching look and then sat down at the table. “Nah. If you survived the Geek Freak more power to you. He can rot in hell for all I care.” Her words echoed mine in an eerie way. “I’m just wondering where this leaves Gennie and me. I can see you taking in the others, you went to school with them. Doesn’t seem like you expected anyone else.”
Reggie just leaned back in his chair as if to say, “This is your problem Toots, not mine.”
I leaned back against the kitchen counter and said, “We all need to sit down and see where this is going to go. I can’t make you stay if you don’t want to but the weather is starting to turn bad. And we can’t just let you wander around, you might get hurt or tell folks about us and with the way things are we don’t need that kind of trouble. Johnson, Jules and Aston were all on the football team together and Aston is vouching for them. Jax says that the way … er … uh …”
“You mean the scars tell you we were beat on a lot,” she snapped defensively.
“No, actually I meant that Jax said that the way you and Gennie didn’t hesitate to fight on our side to escape when it might have been easier to turn them over to the gang means that he’s willing to trust you, or at least give you a chance anyway. That Gennie saved Vernon’s life by taking out a guard that was about to snipe his position and that you volunteered to stay behind with Marty until Jax took her and carried her to the vehicles also says you are probably OK.”
Protectively Alexis said, “It isn’t Marty’s fault. I know how Suicide can be … he had me for about a week before he got distracted by some older chick that was looking to move up the food chain. If it is anyone’s fault it is that freak’s.” When she saw me wince she asked, “What? You still have feelings for that sick jerk?!”
With absolute conviction I told her, “No. Not at all. But he is Jax’s cousin and … and we have history even if I don’t like admitting it … and it is still hard to believe what he has become.”
Jax stepped into the kitchen and with death in his voice said, “Rabid. He’s obviously rabid.”
I knew what he was referring to. “Jax.”
He shook his head. “No. I said if I found out … that I’d accept responsibility for doing what had to be done. I tried … but …”
“There was never a clear shot Jax, you know it. You came close but hid behind too many people. There was no way unless you’d gotten a lot closer and Vernon wanted us gone asap,” Reggie explained.
“He can’t be allowed to continue doing what he is doing.”
Trying to understand I said, “I thought all of you said that Suicide was the man in charge.”
Everyone nodded but Jax said, “But Matt is the man behind the throne.” He finally let me get close enough that I could put my arms around him. “Lydie I know you all were freaking a little that we were gone two more nights than we said but we got cut off and had to be sure what we were up against.”
“You explained it already and I’m done having a heart attack. Besides Ginger figured out what was going on by listening to their radio transmissions. I guess they don’t realize even their street level hand radios can be heard outside of town because of the repeaters we set up.”
Gennie stumbled in and looked like a completely different person after good head-to-toe scrub and letting Ginger and Ashley trim her hair and do something with her broken nails and torn cuticles. “You can bet Suicide doesn’t know about this place,” she said with a bit of awe in her voice. “Or he’d pop you of here like a clam from its shell. Do you know how long it’s been since I been someplace where the faucets still work?”
Feeling growly about the crowded feeling I was getting I said, “I’m not worried about Suicide, he’ll get what is coming to him one way or the other. I just don’t want Matt to know about this place.”
“I thought you and him were like tight, boyfriend and girlfriend.”
I sighed. “I did too. But we didn’t really … uh … date per se. And he certainly never came to my house. He thought my parents were just a couple of hicks.”
Looking at me with a decided lack of understanding she asked, “How could you go with a guy that disrespected your poppa and momma like that?”
I shrugged defensively. “Because he didn’t do it directly and because I was an idiot. Can we change the subject?”
There was a moment of awkward silence and then like Alexis had come to some conclusion she said, “Yeah. Sure. That bread and jam still an offer?”
I nodded and turned and sliced the last loaf I had baked. I sighed and Jax wanted to know about what. “Wheat is going to get scarce before I can get the next crop in the field, much less get it threshed and ready for use. I can replace it with cornmeal but even that will get low before I can harvest more. It will also mean that our plans to try and locate more animals might be out unless they are good at surviving on fodder and grazing only. I hadn’t expected to …”
Johnson, still huge and imposing even after suffering depredation and weight loss, suddenly filled the doorway that led to the hall. “You didn’t expect to have to feed so many.”
Johnson was almost nineteen having failed both kindergarten and first grade before landing in a foster home that cared enough to realize it was a hearing deficit that caused his learning challenges and not his intelligence level. A new-fangled cochlear type implant combined with intensive therapy corrected his deficits and his self-esteem issues were corrected when his foster father – soon to be his adoptive father – got him involved in sports.
His fraternal twin Janice was his polar opposite in many ways; small and petite, her hair a long curtain that she used to hide behind where Johnson barely let any stubble crow on his head, a quiet voice she rarely used, and a manner that was so gentle she couldn’t even startle the goats. Johnson was extremely protective of her – as was Aiden – and I could see him calculating the risks of staying even if he didn’t actually say it aloud.
“No one needs to fritz out,” I said with some warranted confidence to keep the new comers from panicking. “I’ll keep us fed, I just have to recalculate in a few areas and rearrange how we get it done. The problem isn’t in the here and now, it’s the future if the upcoming seasons’ crops don’t produce enough. But we were already going to have that issue, there will just be less cushion now. I’ll also need to hold back more for seed, enlarge the garden, and include foraging for wild food as necessities rather than luxuries.”
I mentally drifted away as my need to get the issues and sudden ideas I was being mentally bombarded with down on paper. I started to walk out of the room but stopped and said, “Oh crud. I’ve got to clean up and …”
Jax shook his head and said, “Just grab your spreadsheets and go sit with Marty. I’ll take your spot in tonight’s meal prep and put this stuff away where it belongs. The state you’re in you’ll likely put the jam in the bread box, the crumbs in the frig, and the plates in the laundry.”
I opened my mouth to deny the truth of his outrageous comment but then shrugged and gave him a kiss of gratitude instead. I wasn’t often that kind of dozey but when I was it was when I was on serious idea overload and Jax knew the symptoms. He’d found one of his boots in the potato bin and his freshly folded socks in the vegetable crisper on one such occasion.
I could feel the cold wood of my father’s desk beneath my forehead as I tried to breathe through another bought of nausea. I was using those memories to dig myself out of the dark place I had slipped as I began to understand exactly the position Marty had been in and recognized how close I could have been in exchanging places with her. My parents were fond of saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I’d never understood what they meant more than on that day.
Rewetting the cloth and using it to wipe my neck once again Jax asked, “Better?”
“There is no better … just acceptance.”
He kissed the top of my head gently. “It WILL get better Lydie; it’s just going to take time.”
“It won’t ever get better for Marty. She’s slipping no matter what any of us can do. Even Mrs. Houchins admitted it after she came and examined her with that granddaughter that was a trauma nurse. If we’re lucky she’ll last out the week. If she’s lucky God will release her from this hell of a life she’s been living sooner than that.”
“Lydie,” he whispered into my hair, trying to comfort me the best he could. But there was no comfort, only the truth and I’d learned the hard way after my family was killed that the last thing the truth often was in this life was comfortable.
I turned and looked at him. “Jax, don’t bother denying that you and the guys are discussing what is to be done. I know you are including Vernon and Lon … don’t leave me out. I have to be part of … part of whatever it is … part of the justice.”
Jax didn’t even bother trying to hide anything which took him up a notch in my esteem of him if that was possible. “Lydie we aren’t looking for justice. Or revenge. There is nothing that is going to make what has happened to Marty, or anyone else for that matter, any better. There is no payment big enough. What we are trying for is containment so that those in town are no longer a danger. If that means using deadly force then we’ll use deadly force. It likely will come to that.”
“To me that sounds like justice.”
“No. There’s not going to be a trial. No arrests. No more investigating. No interrogations or torture. Nothing. We aren’t the cops and we have no official authority. This isn’t about paybacks. We’re just a bunch of guys that don’t want to see this happen anymore … don’t want it to touch our families any more than it already has.”
“OK … but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t justice in there too.”
“Lydie …”
I shook my head. “You call it what you want to Jax. Call yourselves doctors who are excising a cancer for all I care; it amounts to the same thing. And it needs doing or eventually we’re all gonna wind up dead … in fact or in spirit. This kind of sickness eventually infects everything it comes in contact with.”
Jax warned, “Don’t romanticize and idealize this Lydie. No heroic ballads are going to be written about what we’re going to do. In fact it is very possible that we’ll be considered criminals. If we are then all bets are off for the future no matter what our intentions are.”
I nodded in acceptance. “But the risk has to be taken. The military doesn’t have the time, they’re too busy fighting foreign terrorists and battles in other countries. The police? When is the last time you’ve seen an officer? The militia? I’m not even sure that they haven’t been coopted by some of the gangs that have come through … the strong joining the strongest. If we don’t do something I don’t know who will. I haven’t exactly seen anyone else volunteering for the job, have you?”
He sighed and then sat down and proceeded to tell me some of the details of the plan that they’d worked out up to that point. I have to confess I was a little surprised at how far they’d already gone in sketching things out but then again, the addition of some of the minds and experience from the Houchins farm made all the difference. My problem was that I struggled to find a place where I could insert myself and help.
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Yes it is a crying shame what people will do to others, gives one the willies. Thank you for the chapter. Now take out Suicide and Matt post haste.
223shootersc
Veteran Member
great chapter, love your work
ForgeCorvus
Member
Matts too much of a cockroach to be easy to deal with.
Alexis eying Lydie jockeying for top dog in Lydie's home? I guess once you've had civilization scraped off you're changed forever and I wouldn't trust any of the newcomers. They were all willing to stay in town until it turned on them. If they were higher up on the food chain they'd still be there.
Great chapter thanks Kathy.
Great chapter thanks Kathy.